Virgin at 20 - INFJ - Conflicted

Easy-Distance1 · 2022-10-22T21:29:17+00:00

It's a gift of value. Don't let others shame you for it. Keep it on the DL. It's none of their business. It's a good place to be. Don't rush things, my advice is to save it for when you meet & in an established/ committed relationship with aka the right guy who is a bomb shell HVM in your eyes. It'll mean the world to him, galvanizing the love & you'll be 150% glad you waited & not given it away to a guy "friend" you're cool with. Most women in hindsight regret their first time partners more often then they'd like to admit.

Anon82634 · 2022-10-22T22:02:25+00:00

As a married man who's wife was a virgin when we got together she doesn't regret it at all and neither do I. She had her values and stuck to them, she wasn't waiting for marriage but for a serious partner. She had a large friends group as well similar to yours who had all given in in their mid to late teens and looking back she's glad she didn't follow their lead. I remember one of her friends giving me a hard time saying "the sex must be awful since she was a Virgin before you" couldn't have been more wrong. I had some experience, previously and together we learned what each other liked and disliked and I wouldn't change it for anything. Also according to a few studies more partners can lead to lack of satisfaction in serious relationships and marriages down the road. All of her friends group have body counts over 15 and not 1 has gotten married or had a long lasting relationship and we're all in our late 30s now.

Ruffleafewfeathers · 2022-10-22T23:49:36+00:00

I was a virgin until 24, living in quite possibly the most promiscuous party-college town in the US, I chose not to have casual sex because I wanted to be in love or at least have a strong bond in a relationship before I gave that piece of me to a partner. I got a lot of shit for it, but I’m so glad I waited.

I’m now married to my first and only partner and I don’t have the history of toxic relationships where I bonded quickly to a partner who wasn’t vetted properly because of early sex that my more sexually-forward friends have.

Don’t compromise your personal values. If you value sex as a deeper connection to someone you love, great, keep that. If you don’t, then don’t. But don’t let some 20 year old idiots persuade you to abandon your values.

sunlitroof · 2022-10-22T21:48:18+00:00

Dont let people shame you into sleeping with someone just to ease off their harrassment. Life is not a race.

AlohaBandit · 2022-10-22T23:16:55+00:00

One simple question: why is it any of their business why or how you conduct yourself, in this particular case? It’s not.

Don’t fold to peer pressure &/or ‘cultural' norms. 'Hookup culture' is a very niched thing. You’re your own person, make your own decisions.

Sidenote: virginity, much alike time, can never be acquired again once spent. Something to consider.

SorenMichael · 2022-10-23T02:30:55+00:00

Really?. I’m not hear to tell you what to do with your life, but to give up a valuable aspect as a women for peer pressure and Fomo is stupid. It’s not like you’re turning 36 and your eggs are drying, you’re still 20. My little sister is 19 and felt the same way. She looks up to me because I’m successful, tall, handsome, good morals etc and she wants a “top tier” guy. I tell her there’s nothing wrong with having high standards but you have to reciprocate the same value exchange.

Bodycount does matter for women. I tell my sister I use to lie to women and tell them idc about bodycount, I’m open minded etc and how I love them, just to sleep with them then vanish. The respect I and most men have for women who purposely keep their virginity especially until marriage is unparalleled. Subconsciously/intrinsically it makes us tap in the masculine role and take you seriously with utmost respect, Especially being a possessive person, I tell her how can I kneel down and propose to a women with a 120k ring who has been mindlessly sleeping around?. Feels stupid.

She asks me, what if I don’t find that guy? I respond, those “high value” guys are constantly looking for those women to be with, water seeks it own level. Men want woman without a past, and women want men with a future.

abishagofthevalley · 2022-10-22T21:28:16+00:00

Thank you for posting here too. While here please look around at things that will wake you up to a lot more beauty and value in yourself, than you think you have at the moment. Desirable qualities. You're still very young and worth more than just throwing it out the window just because everybody else is.

To paraphrase a famous sitcom character: IT'S NOT EMBARASSING! IT'S NOT A MILESTONE! AND IT'S NOT A SOCIAL CONSTRUCT!

Mchafee · 2022-10-22T22:51:30+00:00

I didn't have sex until after I was friends with my (now) boyfriend, I was 31.

I only skimmed your post, but I'm just gonna say, I constantly hear people say they regret their first time, so imo I would wait until you feel it's right.

Don't be embarrassed, there's nothing wrong with waiting. I did and I had fun my first time and gave it up to a man that's worth it.

breadcake5245 · 2022-10-23T03:14:40+00:00

Losing your virginity means a lot more to certain people than others I suppose. I personally do not recommend sleeping with your friend. If a long term relationship/marriage is what you want, I would start dating or courting. Many men will appreciate that you don’t have a past to deal with and would scoop you up. Don’t waste it on a friend. Let your first time be special with your husband (or someone you love).

soldat21 · 2022-10-23T01:20:37+00:00

Usually guys opinions aren’t welcome, but I feel I have to comment… this is a quality! Your virginity is a big plus for a HVM, he will not see it as a negative but as a positive!

Women’s with sexual histories (not trying to shame) are a dime a dozen. Women who have waited (especially the older you get) are rare gems.

Don’t give up your virginity just because you feel pressured to. Please don’t.

leftajar · 2022-10-23T03:38:13+00:00

Sex isn't a box to be checked; it's a thing you give.

The more people you give it to, the less valuable the giving becomes.

If your goal is to bond with the best man for you, then saving it for him is the right move.

You have to decide how important this is, because if you continue to hang out with these people, you'll feel pressured to have sex to fit in.

It really is just a question of delaying gratification. Your future self will thank you. I promise!

Conical90 · 2022-10-22T23:57:22+00:00

Nothing wrong with being a virgin, especially for women. Quite the opposite. It’s not only extremely valuable, but also rare and respectable. I’d much rather want a virgin average looking woman than a dime who has had multiple partners.

ewwitsjessagain · 2022-10-23T01:19:00+00:00

Not everyone loses their virginity as a teen, it's more common than you think to wait for someone you feel comfortable and safe with. Don't rush things, I'm sure you will find a man you can trust that will treat you with respect. Just start to put yourself out there in terms of dating and don't feel pressured to do something with a guy until he's earned the privilege of knowing you on a more intimate level.

breemakin · 2022-10-23T02:25:25+00:00

My first time was at 17 and it was with the man I ended up marrying at 24.

I had no interest in any boys or men before my man.

You’re better off waiting to lose it to someone who means something to you. Too many ladies regret their first times and it messed them up emotionally. Don’t rush.

craftybird9 · 2022-10-23T10:06:30+00:00

Stay a virgin as long as you can-it's a precious gift!

Alpha_Engineer_ · 2022-10-23T14:25:27+00:00

You should carry that like a badge of honor! You have the most valuable gift you can give your future husband and he will appreciate you for it during his entire life. I strongly suggest sticking to the beautiful values your family has given you. If you think you’re ready for marriage, start looking for a partner, preferably not on an app. I’m not going to assume your religion but staying active in your place of worship is a good way to meet people 🙂 Community service etc will bring you closer to good hearted people. Keep your family in the loop, preferably the men in your family. Men are good at vetting other men. Any good man with good intentions would love to have you. You don’t have to be a supermodel to be a good wife, just a sweet normal person with good values and a good heart! Wish you the best! 🙂

Jazzlike_Average_260 · 2022-10-23T11:32:40+00:00

So you wanna have sex with him just so you can tell your friends you're no longer a virgin? Cause you're embarrassed to be a virgin? That's dumb imo, why do you care what people think? Why would you have sex just cause of peer pressure? Also having a high body count isn't a good look on girls, if anything they're probably shaming you cause they feel bad when compared to you. I would advise you to wait until marriage, but end of the day it's up to you what you do and if you're able to live with consequences of your actions.

yohanya · 2022-10-23T15:23:19+00:00

There's no benefit to having sex for the sake of having sex. Hookup culture is predatory towards women and you've dodged it entirely. When the right person comes along you'll be happy you waited.

Seriously there's nothing you're missing out on. It's like someone with kids saying you're missing out on a family. You're wouldn't rush to get pregnant hearing that, you would think to yourself "Why would I be missing out on a family right now? That will happen later."

StrawberryCake88 · 2022-10-23T16:13:15+00:00

Chastity for women has always been seen as a positive by men looking for wives. There is no rush. You’re super young.

Loips · 2022-10-23T19:06:10+00:00

Tell the people who pressure/make fun of you to eff off and start considering sex for pleasure and fun, not as a chore . Sincerely, a fellow 19 yo virgin girl.

mosthideousmodel · 2022-10-23T04:57:25+00:00

The mbti thing is such BS. When you mature a little more you won’t try to stuff your personality into a label and if you take that quiz again in a few years it’ll be different. Infj is for angsty teenagers

charlize-moon · 2022-10-23T01:05:43+00:00

It makes no sense to have sex with someone that you don’t feel that sexual urgency with…it’s just not a good experience so what’s the point? Haven’t you ever found a guy you felt that sexual magnetism towards? That’s what i would focus on, find that person…and then do it. And there will be more than one, but not as many as people lead you to believe

CurrencyFearless250 · 2022-10-23T04:14:06+00:00

It’s a blessing. I’m 30 and still a virgin.

jenna_grows · 2022-10-23T08:12:22+00:00

Everyone has made valid comments about virginity but, as someone who enjoys MBTI (ESTP), please take my advice here: do not focus on your MBTI type.

Doing that is as sound as saying “I’m like this / this is happening because I’m a Pisces.”

I’ve seen people get really attached to these labels and it stunts growth.

Lucadris · 2022-10-23T12:12:22+00:00

Same 21M here virgin 😁

Leenesss · 2022-10-23T12:21:15+00:00

I remember when I was younger this seemed like such an important issue but looking back its really not. As a middle aged fellah I think having an experenced woman is better than the fetish of being a womans 1st guy but if your having fun or your too busy for a relationship thats fine. The fact is if a woman wants sex she can get it yourself included. A high value woman would be looking for the quality that comes from getting to know her partner well and being comfortable with them. You'll know when you meet the right guy.

venusianfireoncrack · 2022-10-23T15:48:05+00:00

keep it

AdSufficient4268 · 2022-10-23T17:18:56+00:00

I was in the same boat as you, my dear. (And an INFP) I was a 20 year old virgin and I felt like I was "ready" and I thought that losing it would make me more of a "woman". I felt like I was still a little girl because I was a virgin. This was a lie pushed in my head by society/the media. The experience was with an older bf, great guy. But truth be told, it made me lose the value of sex and led to me sleeping with people I deeply deeply regret. Everyone here has given great advice and I agree with them. Cherish it. I know the pressure of society is STRONG. Lies about sex are thrown in your face constantly. But almost everyone will tell you that when you find the love of your life, you're gonna wish you had only been with them. You are so beautifully rare nowadays, keeping building your HVW profile. The more HV you are, the more HV your future love will be. Best wishes ❤️

CountTheBees · 2022-10-24T00:42:47+00:00

This weighs heavy on me cuz I’ve kinda attached my sense of self-worth around being wanted and desirable. And since nothing of that nature has happened for me yet I feel like cr*p.

You're going to feel even more crap when the person you have sex with decides he doesn't even want a friendship with you anymore and ghosts you, which happens tragically often. Even more often you'll catch feelings but he'll want to "keep it casual" and won't feel anything for you. Casual sex is not going to solve your problem. There's no easy fix.

Self improvement and careful vetting are the only ways to solve being single and feeling undesirable and not attracting the caliber of man that you want.

I don't know your exact situation but this guy "friend" you have sounds like an orbiter and he could be putting off guys that have a genuine interest in you. Hanging around with any man is a put off to other men. So try not being seen as much with him and other guys might start approaching you.

youllknowwhenitstime · 2022-10-24T05:33:21+00:00

Kept it until I married at 25. No sexual intimacy at all prior. Zero regrets on the waiting - though of course I wish I had met my husband sooner!

d_is_for_del1ghtful · 2022-10-23T02:42:26+00:00

You aren’t missing out on anything. I feel like there’s this pressure in our generation to go out and “find yourself” by sleeping with lots of people. The truth is casual sex is awful and empty, especially for women. Pop culture and media has come up with this idealized lifestyle for young women where we go out partying every weekend and hookup with lots of guys and we’re happy and free. But it’s completely fabricated. All of my friends who do this hate it. They whine constantly about wanting boyfriends whilst filling that void with situationships and hookups. It isn’t worth it. Don’t rush your first time, let it happen naturally over the course of a committed relationship. It’ll be much better with someone you love and trust.

Teacup000 · 2022-10-23T02:32:01+00:00

I had a friend who was similar to you. Everyone around her was in relationships and having sex apart from me. Then I lost my virginity to my husband.

She hooked up with a decent enough guy in a hotel room one night just to get rid of her virginity and see what sex was like. From how she described her experience, it seemed like a letdown. It wasn't special or loving at all, or even super pleasurable.

You should do want you think is best. I really enjoy sex with my husband and am so glad to have the experiences I do. She seemed regretful and sad about hers. But these are simply two anecdotes. It's your decision, and should be based off what you know about yourself and what you want.

a_tall_amanda · 2022-10-23T01:45:20+00:00

As a 20yo virgin just like you, I don't recommend you losing it just because you think you are inferior to other people, virgin and non-virgins are exactly the same. I already experienced the things you said such as curiosity and "social pressure" from others, plus I have a problem with pornography that I'm trying my best to solve, so in resume, my body wants to feel a man's touch, but my real self doesn't want it anytime soon. You don't need to have sex if you don't want to, there is nothing wrong with keeping it, in fact I think it is better to be a virgin than risking an unwanted pregnancy and being a single mother or having to marry someone you don't want, or in the worst case, having to abort your child because you can't sustain a child right now.

AutoModerator · 2022-10-22T21:17:29+00:00

Title: Virgin at 20 - INFJ - Conflicted

Full text: F20 (soon turning 21) and still a virgin. So embarrassed about it but also kinda happy cuz I’m the only one in my circle to have not done it yet. I look much older than my age so the more time passes and nothing happens, the worse I feel.

My sister makes fun of me and people I know who proceeded with it already still question me when it comes to this topic aka “Still nothing? Damnn girl” or comments like “nahhh ur lying” / “but hell no u don’t look like a virgin”

I feel like I’m missing out on basic experiences. S3x, going out, travelling with friends, partying, living a cool student life. Even though I’m in the mood for intimacy quite often, being an INFJ doesn’t help (like at all). It’s like the wheels are on and going but actually stuck in the mud, so pretty much not moving and staying in the same spot. Also I got high expectations from myself and from others which isn’t making things easier in finding a bf…

I’m an average looking girl. Nothing wow/extreme, no supermodel, but I could get laid i suppose. I feel ready regarding my wants and my s3xuality, as well as ready to know the needs and connect with a future partner. Problem is I’m single af atm. Im graduating university this summer and I’ve decided Im not gonna wait longer. Three years have gone by since high school and here I am with zero experiences in bed and in life as a whole.

I see everyone around me do it like rabbits 24/7. It’s a milestone everyone hits and I feel retarded for not having gone there yet. Ik what I say may sound dumb for those who tried it already and said it was trash/way too overhyped but oh well…. This weighs heavy on me cuz I’ve kinda attached my sense of self-worth around being wanted and desirable. And since nothing of that nature has happened for me yet I feel like cr*p.

I’m thinking of doing it with a friend. We know each other pretty well, we cool, we vibing, he’s always happy and ultra excited to see me when I arrive from abroad, we know personal things about each other. It’s not like we’re crazy in love, but we feel safe and I assume our first time together wouldn’t damage things between us. He keeps secrets and always makes me feel comfortable. He is openly himself with me too. Ideally I would want to proceed to this with someone I’m deeply in love with, (physical mental emotional attraction on all levels) But since it appears such thing ain’t on the horizon for me anytime soon, having someone whom we both feel cool seems to do the cut for now…

What do u guys think ? Am I rushing too much ? 3 years and nothing at uni is quite alarming to me…Should I go for it ? Should I wait to be in a relationship ? I don’t know…

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JoyfulOceanWaves · 2022-10-25T01:35:01+00:00

Do you. The right people will understand. In the meantime, literally do you (if you haven’t already). You’ll know what you like and don’t like in preparation for your person and you will both be unintentionally grateful. In general to all, I’m not a fan of people using “body counts” as descriptors to the amount of people someone who slept with. Honestly, who cares how many persons a person has slept with—unless it’s severely affecting that person’s(or persons) life/lives. There are many people who sleep with no one, one person, a few, a bit, and a lot, in their lifetimes. And really who gives a flocking flock. Be kind to yourself. Be kind to others. Be real with yourself. And the right people will come into your life.

Glad-Discount-4761 · 2022-10-28T02:16:05+00:00

Don't be ashamed of it.Virgin woman is more useful than non virgin woman.

Guy will lie and enjoy sleeping with women but when it is time to marry,he will choose to marry virgin girl.

Title	Virgin at 20 - INFJ - Conflicted
Author	someoneoutthere1335
Upvotes	23
Comments	46
Date	October 22, 2022 9:17 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/yayx1r/virgin_at_20_infj_conflicted/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/virgin-at-20-infj-conflicted.1136860 https://theredarchive.com/post/1136860

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