When a captain is a little too alpha..?

teaandtalk · 2017-05-05T00:28:10+00:00

You've got a high dominance man, definitely with mostly alpha traits, who wants things the way he wants them and doesn't seem to care too much about your comfort. That is his prerogative, but it's yours to not like that.

Generally, at /r/RPW, we advocate a mix of alpha and beta traits in a man, because most women don't want a man who speeds like that or is that volatile. Some do, but most don't. I would be terrified if my husband was regularly speeding to that extent, for example.

Can you see a future with him - kids, for example?

Basically: he's not going to change, can you handle that?

OGlancellannister · 2017-05-05T06:47:36+00:00

He doesn't sound alpha enough to me. Using age as the basis to speak with authority proves nothing. True alpha mentality would dictate that you use expertise, knowledge, or intelligence, AND you do it in a way that adds value to the interaction. Not condescending, and only when he needs you to shape up, or you need his assistance. Alpha's have no need to show you anything. Their self-worth is iron. Why show off?

The controlling behaviour in the kitchen is not at all alpha — not because women belong in the kitchen and men in the yard etc — but because he controls his environment in ways that involve effort and force. A true alpha has such a solid frame that he needs no force to control his environment. He does it in much more powerful, low effort ways. Force is the tool of the soldier; power is the tool of the king. Look at how Genghis Khan forced entire cities to submit by erecting three tents outside the city. The white tent demanded surrender, the red tent meant every male in the city would be killed, and the black tent meant utter destruction. Wait until the end, and the entire city and everyone in it would be destroyed, brick by brick so that only dust remained. A weaker man would have stormed the city by force; a stronger man wielded true power.

As for his explosive nature; that is decidedly a beta trait. An alpha only explodes if the time warrants and absolutely needs it. A beta is reactive and volatile. Why would an alpha react with explosive anger when everything in his frame is under his complete control. He wouldn't. Anger is the emotion for men who lack control.

Kara_El · 2017-05-04T12:15:01+00:00

My fiance can be a little too alpha at times, refusing to admit when he's wrong or apologize. I speak to him frankly about how it makes me feel, but there's just no reaching him until his ego has deflated. I'd suggest talking to your guy when he's not upset about any issues you might have and suggesting compromises, such as you preparing sides and him preparing the main course. I always remind myself I'd rather cope with "too alpha" instead of "too beta."

snowboots99 · 2017-05-04T06:16:53+00:00

Aw, I'm very sorry to hear this! Your boyfriend is entitled to fulfill his dominant role (if he wants to), but you are -- equivalently -- entitled to respect. A dominant man can be nurturing, empathetic, and conscious of your wishes. He should support your growth, because doing things for him leads to greater investment and longevity in your relationship. I would honestly consider this compulsory in any romantic relationship.

You should not follow your boyfriend's lead if he is not leading you towards what is best for you. Terrifying you during arguments is not okay. The longer you stay in this relationship, the more conflicted you will become. Bottom line, he has done major things that do not benefit you. If you are to nurture and serve your partner, he should take your feelings into account every single day.

d_mkv · 2017-05-04T10:17:20+00:00

Reading your post, I have some serious questions about this.

About the first 5 examples, as they all fit in the same category, the way I see things: I cannot identify a single point on that list that would be a cause for stress, insecurity or any other negative emotions on your part. If I got this right:

How is this a negative, do you mean to imply that stress or some other factor in his work, reflects on your relationship? From experience, most people working in some sort of “extreme” conditions, after some time on the run, start to perceive them as rather normal. Which is totally understandable, otherwise every other pilot/professional driver/you name it, would go insane, due to the stress.
As I am a car enthusiast myself, I can relate to the notion of minimising risk to achieve, key word here would be “relatively”, safe conditions. Now you seem to be worried that such lifestyle can lead to a potential accident and you’re right – it might. But I don’t honestly see how you can change that without any sort of massive blow to that person’s understanding of “how the world goes by”. The way we see it, some of us have the balls to do it and we genuinely like it. No need to worry about something that you cannot change without damaging repercussions.
Do you find this demeaning? Otherwise, I see no reason why this would bother you.
Again, I can’t identify a life scenario, in which this would be a problem.
While it is true that doing things certain together might be positive for your relationship, have you considered the fact that he takes pride in his cooking. And it’s a damn fine skill to have. Simplistic as it may sound, we all have to eat, might as well enjoy doing it. So unless he is a shit cook, I find nothing worrisome with this point.

The only real red flag I see here is your sixth example. Not talking to each other (although you wrote that YOU didn’t speak to him, communication is a two-way street, which was at that time, closed) for weeks is unhealthy, to say the least. Another thing I find alarming is your attitude towards engaging in a conflict with him. I hope you are not bottling up negative emotions, which will (they always do), at some point, blow out in this bloke’s face. I cannot deduce more out of this, as I have no insight about neither the nature of the conflict, nor the solution you found to it.

Avoiding conflict, in general, might seem like the go-to approach for a lot of people and the most painless one, but it is the most devastating route in the long run. Stand your ground, when it’s due. And that includes violation of your core principles, that make you… well, you. The only constructive change is driven internally, as we are, above all, individuals. That’s all there is to it, no bullshit.

Nyquil-Junkie · 2017-05-05T16:25:52+00:00

He sounds like a real asshole. No offense.

radioactivities9 · 2017-05-05T15:40:17+00:00

People are telling you to leave him but they are insane, and either want him or want to be him. Because...

The important point is:

Your man drives a helicopter for a living and has a need for speed. He manly as fuck. Seriously, is his cock ever soft, even for a second? Doubtful. KEEP HIM.

Everyone is a challenge to have a relationship with in some way.

deathbypurple · 2017-05-04T06:10:36+00:00

Yes but what exactly do you mind about that? Example 1, sounds awesome. Example 2, well men do this kind of things that why they die younger people say :D. Example 3 sounds nice too. Example 4, lovely.

Example 5, I would try explaining that you feel the same and enjoy caring for him and it's not a bother?

Example 6... you did not speak with him or he did not speak to you? I would be a bit cautious around excessively choleric people.

politbur0 · 2017-05-04T13:28:29+00:00

Not a single reply to any posts ITT, 15 day old account + its history: I don't buy it.

coluorred · 2017-05-04T12:26:08+00:00

Number 6) You are scared of upsetting him, so you chose to not speak to him at all or just about whatever issue you had? Was he trying to talk to you during your silent period?

Igotsfeelingstho · 2017-05-05T03:11:10+00:00

My husband is very alpha; like your man, he works a very physically and mentally demanding job, he drag races and builds cars, he body builds and does mixed martial arts - very competitive. He teaches and guides me (he's a bit older as well) and makes major decisions. He leads like an alpha and expects me to follow, and you know what? I accept all of this. He provides an excellent life for me and keeps me safe. He consistently strives to increase the quality of life we have because he has such a competitive streak. And, because he is so alpha he would never let anyone lay a hand on me - he is aware of me at all times, opening doors for me, not letting other men get too close if we go out, it melts my heart how delicately he treats me. If you want this then give him your submission, he seems like a great man.

redmanticore2 · 2017-05-09T03:01:13+00:00

"180mph drives"

Buy the biggest life insurance for him..

ravelincolor · 2017-05-04T12:54:15+00:00

Sounds perfect to me

Title	When a captain is a little too alpha..?
Author	waterlily724
Upvotes	11
Comments	51
Date	May 4, 2017 4:31 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/695hls/when_a_captain_is_a_little_too_alpha/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/when-a-captain-is-a-little-too-alpha.87267 https://theredarchive.com/post/87267

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