Giving up

GosuTomTom · 2021-10-04T16:50:07+00:00

Hey Bro ! Just to tell you : you're not alone. We all have our struggles, we're all alone in some way, and we're all afraid. It is a normal thing, it doesn't make you a simp or a loser or whatever.

Seems like you have some peaks of motivation, and then it falls down. Motivation is good, but discipline is far far better. Therapy is good too, but action is what makes a difference.

So if I were you, I'd focus on building discipline and taking action. Being the best version of you won't take a day, it's a long process. So start with little (discipline) actions : wake up early (between 6 and 8 am), exercize everyday, clean your room, your house, start cooking, eating well, etc. It's ok if you don't start all at once, but what you start YOU FUCKING STICK TO IT. Maybe quit dating for a while, and drinking if you can't moderate yourself. Start reading books too (I'll recommend Jordan Peterson's rules books in your case), and stop using (too much) screens.

Most importantly : surround yourself with people who want the best from you and for you. Toxic people will drag you down, and sometimes they're very close to you and it's hard to take some distance.

This way, you'll set yourself on the rail for building a better you and a better image of you (don't talk down of yourself like this Bro, damn..). It's normal to feel depressed sometimes, you'll bounce back if you take action ! Here's a digital hug for you from my french white ass ! You can do it ! You're WAY better than anything you can imagine. Now JUST. DO. IT.

alikebabay · 2021-10-04T16:36:43+00:00

Embrace the loneliness. Besides, judging by your post you need a lot of time for yourself: lifting, mewing, nofap, meditating, career, hobbies. So use all that free time. Allow youself to get some breaks, obviously.

CuntMonteCristo · 2021-10-04T16:42:21+00:00

Self sabotage comes from a misalignment between your conscious and your subconscious mind!

Learn about the workings of the subconscious mind and how to reprogram it, so both are aligned. The book The Power of Your Subconscious Mind by Dr. Joseph Murphy is a classic in that area. The Tools by Phil Stutz and Barry Michels is great as additional tools for it.

meerita · 2021-10-04T17:38:50+00:00

Why am I this weak ?

Mainly because of your relatives, friends, and women's influence.

You're the average person of the people that are surrounding you. Get new friends, cool buddies and your life will be an improvement. Hit the gym.

Nudge1991 · 2021-10-04T17:58:30+00:00

You can't just give up my man. This time last year my wife left me, I was extremely depressed. I started going to the gym and spending time with family. 6 months later I was diagnosed with cancer. Put my life on hold and I'm just finishing treatment.

I'm still dating and having fun, started back at the gym and I've never felt better honestly. I've started some new hobbies and met new people. That's all it took for me.

I find if I became more of a "yes man" where if someone said do you want to do this I'd usually just say no. Instead I say yes and I enjoy myself and spend time with mates ect.

Chard-Far · 2021-10-04T16:57:05+00:00

Jordan Peterson, listen to his psychology courses.

blearx · 2021-10-04T17:10:27+00:00

A lot of people who had abusive and neglectful parents tend to fall in love quickly because they tend not to be used to be treated with kindness. So any interest bitty scraps of affection and kindness someone gives them can mean the whole world to a childhood abused person.

saiyantmr · 2021-10-04T20:01:39+00:00

You may come to realize that nothing out there can fill that emptiness inside you. Some never do, some chase amd hang on to outside things until they die. Loneliness made me discover and do what i love to do, find my purpose in life. When you see the Light and walk the path, everything else falls away. Remember that you already have the solution and that is inside of you.

yaboyebeatz · 2021-10-04T20:16:07+00:00

It’s all literally in your head. You have to train to be mentally disciplined bro. That fact that you can but you don’t want to is the issue. You care way to much G. Fuck what woman think about you, fuck what other men think about you, fuck what anyone thinks about you, including family and friends.

You need confidence, hit the fucking gym and stay consistent. Get your diet together, start dressing like you know you’re that guy. Walk and talk like you know you’re that guy.

Being lonely happens but don’t act like it’s the end of the fucking world bro, read the fucking sidebar again, and again, and again until you fucking get it. Don’t listen to these “alphas” who preach just about getting woman, that shit comes easy when you’re mentally strong and confident.

Do YOU, don’t take any shit and go get whatever the fuck you want.

Indexxak · 2021-10-04T17:14:08+00:00

From my personal experience the depression is lifestyle related - a.k.a the concept of keystone habits.

Strength training three times a week, clean diet and healthy sleep schedule go a looooooong way when dealing with depression. Your mood, hormone and energy levels stemming from these 3 changes alone will dictate the rest.

Add to it some reading 30-60 minutes a day, some meditation, and work a bit on some mini project / goal of yours and youre doing extremely well.

Add to it one hobby that does not involve computers or money and one social circle and you basically have your life solved.

As with the baggage of yours, we all have some, I cannot offer any advice but being aware of it is the greatest start you can have. You can do it!

L3onard3 · 2021-10-04T17:26:07+00:00

Stop chasing bitches.

Chase money 🔜 Catch money 🔜 Bitches chase you.

mostdeff · 2021-10-04T17:04:49+00:00

Just got out of a 1.5 year LTR bro, winter is coming and its going to be lonely. But im going monk mode for 3 months. Gonna focus on myself. Women have been part of my life since i was 14 and tbh your never satisfied. Always the chase and lost so fucking much time in LTRs and chasing punani

Corn_in_your_pussy · 2021-10-04T18:54:54+00:00

Women are a fun distraction. I get it.

As a black man who swallowed the pill a few years ago, it's very easy to get off mission once you start getting results. I fell into a hole of pussy that was, in the end, harmful to me and pulled me off task.

My advice for you is to willfully seperate yourself from society and get back on mission for three months. Kill any social interaction that isn't work related. You will find out the following:

The benefits of getting shit done
The peace of life without women
The fact that the world will go on without you and can be returned to at any time

When you get back, practice moderation and reflect on the difference between when you lost control and when you had control.

Quiet-Investigator66 · 2021-10-04T19:28:58+00:00

The best thing that you did was writing down your thoughts. That's the first step in getting better. Don't give up, the most women are like that in the Us, here in eastern europe you still have some traditional women but they rapidly go liberal too and it's very sad, tiktok also plays a huge role because it promotes the life of perfectionism and there are a lot of self proclaimed psycho-therapists that promotes the life of how to become a 305. Don't date white women because they fetishize you, and in my opinion this is an insult, because they don't care about your feelings, date conservative black women or any kind of girl that you like, but take in consideration and run at any red flag. You'll do better brother. Stay strong and go to the gym. Best wishes!

no_not_this · 2021-10-04T20:58:19+00:00

Reading some of your responses and not just the posting, have you traveled much ? Traveling is like therapy for me. It opens my eyes to the world. And I’m not talking about going to club med. Although I always ball out the last few days of any trip.

You will see poverty, pain, suffering, love. Your mind will be opened. You will realize nothing should be taken for granted. You may even find a purpose.

Whenever I travel I come back a changed person. Because that’s what experiences does to someone. So go somewhere ALONE!

redditisnowtrash · 2021-10-04T17:01:47+00:00

At one point you'll have to realize that the things your parents did or didn't do do not matter any more. You're now a grown man with probably more knowledge than they both did combined and its time for your to make grown ass choices. Consequences or not, that's the reality of life. You know the fucked up thing is, we all complain about life and all the ups and downs that come with it but the truth is, if none of that existed, what would life be?

It would be boring as fuck as everything goes your way all the time and shit just always works out. The shit you're going through and that we're all going through is what is building our character, how do you choose to respond to it? I've been broken down many times but it's just a battle of the mind at the end of the day. Choose and do what makes you happy and then get back to work, whatever that means for you.

FrenCan16 · 2021-10-04T16:44:09+00:00

You'll heal yourself by going into Monk Mode. Cut the drinking, hit the gym and watch your physique become god-like. There's only 4 ways out of depression 1) Gym 2) Go to war 3) Drown in pussy 4) Get rich. Work on 1 and 4, get cut & get your bag in order.

Hard-Truth7 · 2021-10-04T21:55:30+00:00

“Find comfort at the bottom and there’s no more falling.” Quote from Can’t Hurt Me by Goggins

Like others have said about embracing the loneliness. There’s a really good book about this called The Wisdom of No Escape by Pema Chodron. Reading books and studying philosophy and meditation allowed me to get past those fears you have. I relate to it but it doesn’t affect me anymore.

Loiters247 · 2021-10-04T21:59:41+00:00

You need to find something you find fulfilling that doesn’t depend on any other people, whether it’s a career goal or writing or anything, try different things until you find your passion.

RacerxCC · 2021-10-04T17:39:23+00:00

Sounds like you need some bros.

yoitsericc · 2021-10-04T17:36:28+00:00

Reconnect with your father.

Hard to have an abundance mindset as a man when you have no father figure. If you can't, find someone else who can be a role model to you as a man.

into_being · 2021-10-04T20:07:14+00:00

Possibly unpopular recommendation. Stop drinking… it seriously shocked me how much of my anxiety/FOMO/depression was either due to, or made worse by, my drinking.

HMU, I’ve got all sorts or recommending reading and resources if you’re interested.

brandonmadeit · 2021-10-04T18:06:19+00:00

Sometimes you have to go into monk mode, be by yourself, stack some money, and do what makes you happy.

averagesmell · 2021-10-04T18:40:42+00:00

Nah man. It's just weird not chasing or being with women. It seemed like the goal. Without it, it is a long process to get it together. You are on a good track even though it feels bad right now. I 'm going through it too, but its gonna be alright man. You are doing the right thing.

SenorTonto · 2021-10-04T19:44:01+00:00

I want to be a better version if myself. I want a proper home, be a boss. Be the man I dream of.

Including the drinking, this is another one of your problems. The people we often dream of being are a fantasy. Western culture is making us all desire nonsense and we do ourselves a serious injustice by buying into it.

This is why so many men are deleting themselves. If they have no money, women, success, etc then they have deemed themselves losers.

More isn't better and more doesn't make you happy. I suggest you go see a therapist or start diving into spirituality. Chasing women, money, and things is a meaningless life. There's nothing wrong with wanting a house, a car, etc but be careful with the value you place on acquiring these things.

masterduelistky · 2021-10-04T20:31:24+00:00

I could've written this myself, I'm 29 black male so I can super relate. I've been depressed ever since my ex-girlfriend cheated/strung me along over four and a half years ago, and it still isn't much better. I totally bought into the fantasy thought we could make it work, blah blah but as she used me to branch swing to another guy, I just couldn't believe she would do that, as I was left with all these unrequited feelings while she just moved on.

I completely lost my sense of self, and honestly even now I still don't know who I am. If I would have dropped her the minute she told me she cheated and wasn't weak I wouldn't be suffering as long as I have but I really felt like with her I could do anything. I've always had low self-esteem since I was a teenager, but I think after my ex it's shot my confidence even further now feeling that I was no longer loveable since then. After trying to date a few times, I realized even when a good girl came along I ended up sabotaging myself, cause I still even now love her, despite me not talking to her in over 3 years.

After replaying those times over and over in my head a million times, I realize there was nothing I could have done, I tried my best even though I wasn't perfect. I don't think I'll ever really fall "in love" again as I realize it was a fantasy in the first place, but all I continue to do is keep trying. I just changed jobs to give me a new start and although it's kicking my ass and I barely have had time to do any social activities I'm just trying and hoping that eventually after delaying the time to try and work on myself that now I can finally begin to like myself like I did when dating my ex.

Trying to be happy, even though I know I can't be with her, is my singular goal cause I think everything stems from that. If you have any questions or whatever, feel free to hit me up.

IntelligenceLtd · 2021-10-04T20:36:43+00:00

Just to add but especially If youre a black dude in north america. dont forget your vitamin D3 bro (not any other kind)

TheeEmperor · 2021-10-04T17:44:01+00:00

What kind of tribe do you surround yourself with? I feel like I related to this at one point but it's much easier to find meaning and understanding in TRP when you have other invested in your success.

Not sure if I can post the link here, but Ghost, redpillschool, and some other RP OGs created a Discord server for men in your exact situation. DM me if thats something you would like.

Also, reading one of the Rational Male books does help. Its sounds dumb if you are younger, but there is no substitute for those books imo. I grew up mormon, started with the most recent one about religion then went back to the first. Either will help you to understand what your experiencing is a completely typical response to red pill awareness and where to go next.

FifthHorizon · 2021-10-04T17:46:10+00:00

Therapy my dude. Best way to work on your inner game is to work on your inner self

Hviterev · 2021-10-04T17:48:53+00:00

Lack of internal confidence and model will do that to you.

AngTheEphemeral · 2021-10-04T17:53:40+00:00

If it helps, the books "Can't Hurt Me" by David Goggins and "12 Rules for Life" by Jordan Peterson really help. Rollo Tomassi's books are pretty critical as well, if you haven't read them already.

ComplexProjection · 2021-10-04T17:59:43+00:00

But I keep falling into old self sabotage behaviour of women, sometimes drinking too much and just not being on top of my shit.

That's how learning works. You fail, again and again, but always a bit further than the last time. Some part of your learning process will be fast, some will be painfully slow, but it will never ends. You never "get it", you just come closer to your next step. Enjoy the journey.

You feel like giving up because your ego is in the way. You feel like you should be all or you deserve nothing. Be realistic, you will be flawed until the end. That does not mean you can't reach greatness, just that you won't reach perfection. As everybody else on this planet.

neverendingplush · 2021-10-04T18:04:34+00:00

Hey man Im a 28 year old black dude as well. I know the feeling. For us things can get a little more complicated because we as black men are rather controversial in our image and how we are viewed, a pain and a blessing depending on how you leverage it. Keep pushing man, you've had your taste of pussy, and the issues that come along with it. One thing that helps me, is just taking it one day at a time, and stay the fuck away from alcohol. I was former alcoholism goes hand in hand. That shit opens you up to situations completely unnecessary and counterproductive. Just chill man, you will be alright.

StirFryAndBurgers · 2021-10-04T18:19:46+00:00

You're in the wrong thread. You're asking technical questions to a spiritual problem. Go to church. Get right with God. Figure your life out.

brainenfuego · 2021-10-04T18:28:53+00:00

Hey brother. I feel you. I’ve been there, done that. I’m married again, but my first wife put me through hell, cheated, etc. got divorced graped, blah blah blah. I felt destroyed. I was depressed, unhappy, lonely. I was a typical simp nice guy.

I didn’t find RP until a few years ago, AFTER I was remarried. Here’s the rub… I learned a lot of RP philosophy when I was single after my first divorce. I learned a lot about making life my own. I worked out, read a metric shit ton about literally everything, business, religion, spirituality, poetry, learned how to cook, learned how to bake, learned how to be socially independent but also learned how to read a crowd, and an individual, learned pick-up and sales and NLP. Got back into guitar playing, working on my hot rod. Met my wife out of the blue, not even looking for a girl. So had no issue pulling chicks when I wanted because I had learned so much about human nature, PUA, and NLP. Once you learn these concepts and make yourself “cool”, aloof, and interesting, you have to beat women AND men off with a stick. Focus on you. Make yourself the best you can be. Go back to church, get back to your roots. It can be said, the best version of you has roots in your younger self. Take your best parts and mold them into a super you!

PushOrganic · 2021-10-04T18:48:26+00:00

Really grinding and hustling at work helped me alot. Let work become your obsession and going out and fucking with thots one of your part time jobs

ThyGrannySnatcher · 2021-10-04T19:00:21+00:00

In Life its best to give up the things that distract you from serving God, if your really confused and feel stuck start praying, and asking God what you should do, and just keep your eyes and ears open

Darkside_Socrates · 2021-10-04T19:13:42+00:00

Convert to Islam like Malcolm X

paul_ernst · 2021-10-04T19:16:52+00:00

You’re asking us to help you find motivation, but I’ll tell you not feeling motivated, having these moments with zero lust for life, that is the prime motivator. It is the only motivation you ever need. Make the search for your lust for life, make it your life’s philosophy.

You don’t wait to be motivated to go lift, you lift to get motivated. You don’t wait to be motivated to find a friend, you find a friend to be motivated. The ways are plenty: meetup.com, book club, local soccer field, work social events...

starneybinsonthegod · 2021-10-04T19:25:10+00:00

Talk to friends, really. If there are no friends get a therapist or something. Also maybe just need to change life and move or something. Sometimes your just stuck, it is totally normal.

2021-10-04T19:34:02+00:00

[permanently deleted]

notsellingjeans · 2021-10-04T19:43:24+00:00

At 28, Your best years are in front of you. Keep your head up, work hard at work, exercise, and invest time and energy in people who reciprocate. Maybe that’s mom and your cousins and extended family and not women for a little while.

NoC2H6OnlyGas · 2021-10-04T19:50:36+00:00

Maybe go back to your roots. You can believe in God without being a simp. If your mother raised you christian and you fell away from that life only to find you are not sure what to do or who you are, then go back to your roots, just don't make the same mistakes as before, like sipping, blue pill theology ect. Don't worry about stopping the bitches and the alcohol. If God is real, he will pull those things out of your life for you, according to the Bible (and my knowledge). If he is not real then at least you tried everything you could to improve yourself and be content.

IncorrigibleLee86 · 2021-10-04T21:50:01+00:00

Check out fresh and fit podcast on youtube

marowitt · 2021-10-04T21:52:53+00:00

This is exactly what I was going through a few years back, only a couple of years older, what worked for me was make a list of things I wanted to work on after my regular job, every once in a while I had too much free time and ended up thinking I should chase I added more things.

You only have so much time, focus it on your growth, these will be your best years in terms of personal and professional progress, I couldn't even have imagined being here back then.

The women will still be there, but these years, these wonderful years where you hit the middle ground of having adult knowledge but still be young enough to have the energy to pursue things, they won't be here for long. Use them to your advantage, leave dating, leave the red pill, leave Reddit, leave social media, focus on the most important thing, YOU, for a few years.

SexyToAbort · 2021-10-04T17:28:35+00:00

Embrace Islam brother.

We have zero tolerance for alcohol , pre-material sex, liberalism and most importantly feminists.

starBux_Barista · 2021-10-04T16:59:14+00:00

change where you are meeting these women. Bars and night clubs are No good. Head back to church, join a singles bible study group. or Go your own way. the choice is yours

E_Anonymous · 2021-10-04T17:22:43+00:00

Been there with the getting your shit together/over drinking battle. It can be brutal because it gets easier to drink and harder to workout and motivate yourself. Covid didnt help I’d guess.

Sounds like you need friends around you too, to be blunt. I would try to reach out to any coworkers you like to hangout outside of work, maybe reach out to old friends, join like minded groups like martial arts classes? I’m blessed that I’ve got a good squad of male friends that shit is important imo.

As for women yeah maybe go monk more a little and try to just improve yourself. I’d also recommend meditation. It’s like lifting/cardio for your mind. A struggle at first but you’ll feel better when it’s over.

CALAMITYFOX · 2021-10-04T17:47:25+00:00

Put your faith in Jesus, not the world

izzyinjurious · 2021-10-04T19:42:44+00:00

We need ask trp back. I don’t use that external website cause it’s inconvenient and not as ui friendly no offense. We’re just gonna keep getting posts here and I’m okay with that.

zino193 · 2021-10-04T19:44:37+00:00

There's a lot of soul mechanics in this thread so I won't add another fix. Let me be your team lead.

Dare to be fucking awesome. You sound like me, like a lot of us. We do the right things and we expect returns, and when they do not come, we try harder and just loose that little bit more self confidence in yourself. With each round, the voices of doubt that you internalized feel more real, and become louder.

Dare to be awesome. This doesn't replace the work, it compliments it.

Wear something you like. Do something you like. Learn something you like. Become a master in a field and then bask in the admiration of those that respect that field. Dare to be awesome.

When you help someone and they thank you, dare to be awesome. Say you're welcome, be gracious, not self dismissive like "forget about it" or "it was nothing". When someone compliments you, dare to be awesome. It's OK to be a leader,to speak and be heard.

Do not confuse it with the womanly "love yourself" , this is about being seen. And recharging your mental self image with real feedback.

Bring love to others and don't hold back your appreciation. It hurts, but it's going to create a feedback loop. The more you share your life, and good nature with others(without expectations!!!) the more confident you will be in initiating positive relationships. The more of these interactions you have, the more people will compliment and invest positively in your interactions, which builds up more confidence, which makes you more giving and so on.

tiny_prick · 2021-10-04T20:56:48+00:00

Also, check your vitamin d levels, having dark skin and living in canada you might be deficient. Things like depresion come hand in hand with it.

Title	Giving up
Author	Timely_Ad_2311
Upvotes	136
Comments	170
Date	October 4, 2021 4:30 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/q18zsu/giving_up/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/giving-up.1077499 https://theredarchive.com/post/1077499

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