I just slipped into beta mode...Hard

kkbye · 2014-07-07T01:52:44+00:00

One of the girls I'm sleeping with is going through a similar thing. she texts this guy (when I'm too lazy to text her back) who is acting like he is in love with her, yet all they've done is kiss. She won't sleep with him, but tells him about the sex she has with me.usually results in a fight, until the guy later apologizes, and steps backs into his spot in the friendzone.

Be aware of the situation you're in, my friend.

VegasHostTre · 2014-07-07T05:08:08+00:00

CONGRATULATIONS YOU ARE AN ORBITER!

Aughin · 2014-07-07T02:13:25+00:00

[permanently deleted]

YouDislikeMyOpinion · 2014-07-07T04:35:54+00:00

You slipped into beta mode? No, you are beta mode. You are not red pill. You have a long way to go.

I feel like apologizing doesn't make you a beta it just makes you a decent human being, to admit when you fucked up and apologize for it.

I don't fuck up. The actions that I take are calculated. There is nothing to apologize for. Very seldom do I actually make a misstep due to being tired, at that point DO NOT APOLOGIZE. I state that I made a misstep, it happens. Then I proceed to make things better.

Not saying it has to be long and drawn out, but it's just common courtesy.

What's with you and your ethical rules? Common courtesy? This bitch straight up disrespects you, and the first thing you're thinking of is common courtesy? What the fuck?

Then you rationalize it away is being your fault.

Your problem is immaturity with relationships and understanding. You are the solution to your own problems. If you want a life that you enjoy while being surrounded by women that enjoy your company and respect you, you're going to have to pull your fucking pants up and build it. And if you don't, no one gives a shit about you. http://redditlog.com/snapshots/819965

EDIT: Oh, you're in highschool. Disregard some of what I said. You still have a long way to go in general. Don't take things too harshly, work hard, play hard, and you'll make it.

flplatespin · 2014-07-07T02:47:41+00:00

Don't apologize. Hold frame and get some more plates. This chick is not worth it as a gf.

slcjosh · 2014-07-07T04:19:19+00:00

Cut all contact. She doesn't give a fuck about you. You will be better off. Now learn to hold your frame and leave a bitch standing in the dust if she's disrespectful and rude to you or is wasting your time.

pleasedontknowme30 · 2014-07-07T03:22:12+00:00

Dude, you dodged a bullet. This girl seems like more trouble then she is worth. Beta mode or not, don't worry about her...move on.

DoxasticPoo · 2014-07-07T02:11:46+00:00

I feel like I don't have enough context.... are you guys dating? Have you kissed?

If you guys are dating but not exclusive, you have to deal with other guys. Just the way it is. Don't get jealous and possessive. Because if there are other guys in the mix, that means she must be worth something. ;)

If you're unsure whether you're dating, you're not. Cut her out or start dating for god sake.

If you're not dating, you're in the friendzone. And she's using you to get the emotional feel-goodz these other guys aren't providing.

My guess is you are in the friendzone. Most of the time it's the reason guys get all pissed off about this sort of thing. But if you are dating, unexclusively, quit being a baby about her talking to other guys. It's definitely very rude of her to do it in front of you. And she's probably doing it just to make you jealous, which means she likes you. But if she's trying to make you jealous it's because you're not making her feel secure in your attraction to her. I find most women don't really need to do this type of shit if you're forthright and functionally express what you feel. And if you're not all that attracted to her or you're not sure yet, you should expect her to be out talking to other guys.

subcover · 2014-07-07T02:58:45+00:00

I've found that not-apologizing is very effective. Alpha frame is easy, it's just the lack of beta cues. Apologizing is beta, therefore don't do it.

I mean, they were disrespecting you all day with this shit with other guys. Finally you'd had enough. They were acting like asses not you.

Even when you do make a mistake (you didn't here) consider if it's worth apologizing. Your role is to handle the situation for them, to lead. They don't expect perfection, but leadership. Perfection isn't what generates tingles.

You overreacted just with respect to your own interests. It didn't help you as you noted. But it didn't hurt that much either. They knew they were being asses. Go ahead and blame women when you feel they are doing wrong. They need to be reprimanded. Just taking it is beta.

But don't show much emotion if you can avoid it. You're not affected personally but you are standing in your role as arbiter and leader and telling them they are wrong. Let me tell you, holding this frame for just a short amount of time is so effective you won't want to stop.

And then you'll be alpha. Just like that.

2014-07-07T04:23:34+00:00

Your lizard brain took control. Men have to stay reasonable in the face of the brain-clouding that occurs when your blood rushes to your dick and balls. Next time you need to think things out and make a rational decision.

My two cents: Stop thinking of this girl as a potential girlfriend. She sounds like a real piece of work. Any girl who pulled that cold shoulder shit on me would get downgraded to fwb/casual dating material if she's lucky. Have some goddamn pride, man. Kissing and cuddling doesn't mean shit to a girl. That's just another utility they get from a man. Have sex with her. Good sex. Once you cross that threshold, you gain a tremendous amount of respect and desire from a woman.

And no, apologizing was not the right choice. You never apologize for your shameful actions. You apologize for doing actual harm to people. Take your red pills and learn the difference.

hq8 · 2014-07-07T03:24:57+00:00

Dude, you hung out with two girls? I have to do that sometimes since I have three sisters. But I learned from an early age that this sucks. I strictly aboid it unless one of them is a tomboy or a bull dyke. Even then! After they've talked about idiotic girl things for hours over dinner the bill will come and they'll all look at the dude, like he just took a girl, her sister, and her sister's friend on a date. No three some for the dude though.

2014-07-07T03:26:11+00:00

To tell you the truth I would write this girl off completely. Sure screw her but do not enter a relationship with her in any scenario. Regardless of what you thought you were it is clear she doesn't consider that you are in a relationship.

Now next time you find yourself in a situation where things are awkward and you are getting ignored like that just say goodbye and leave. You are being treated poorly and the fact your stayed and endured through it pretty much signals that it is cool by you.

People treat people a lot of the time with what they can get away with. You don't want to be in a relationship with someone like that but it is worth noting.

widec · 2014-07-07T03:42:59+00:00

Apologizing should be saved for when you really fuck up. In this situation, you would be apologizing for being not fun to hang around with. You might as well go up to her and tell her you're a beta that's not worthy of her, it's basically the same message.

The last time I apologized for something is when I clipped a guys mirror while parking. That was really stupid of me.

Doomsday_ · 2014-07-07T05:03:50+00:00

In case OP isn't trolling:

1) If you actually have a romantic/sexual interest in a girl, don't agree to hang out with her together with her friend. This makes it impossible for you to escalate physically and basically relegates you to the platonic friendzone. You know why they talked about guys the whole time? Because neither perceives you as a potential romantic interest.

2) Have you even fucked this girl yet? Until you have sex with her, there is no way you have a relationship. It doesn't make sense to talk about being "official"

3) Being decent and courteous will not get you laid: that is the harsh truth of the red pill. You cannot treat women like men and give a straightforward apology because women will not respect you.

VIII. Say you’re sorry only when absolutely necessary

Do not say you’re sorry for every wrong thing you do. It is a posture of submission that no man should reflexively adopt, no matter how alpha he is. Apologizing increases the demand for more apologies. She will come to expect your contrition, like a cat expects its meal at a set time each day. And then your value will lower in her eyes. Instead, if you have done something wrong, you should acknowledge your guilt in a glancing way without resorting to the actual words “I’m sorry.” Pull the Bill Clinton maneuver and say “Mistakes were made” or tell her you “feel bad” about what you did. You are granted two freebie “I’m sorry”s for the life of your relationship; use them wisely.

4) You must always set firm boundaries and demand respect, or you will never receive it. You must tell this girl, "Don't play on your phone all the time when we're hanging out." If she won't agree to this, stop hanging out with her. If you tolerate this kind of behaviour she will never respect you. If she does not respect you, you have lost all hope of succeeding with her.

madhax0r · 2014-07-07T07:54:50+00:00

Woah woah woah. She ignored you non-stop and you owe her an apology? You're right, you are in beta mode.

I3luee · 2014-07-07T13:47:01+00:00

You don't apologize. She seems like a "diva"; I don't apologize to divas because usually they're the ones that are wrong and usually they cause the fight.

EDIT: also wanna add that I'm glad that you're wise enough to doubt your actions and aren't fully blind. The curtain is still there but you're starting to see through. Keep asking questions.

avoutour · 2014-07-07T03:00:08+00:00

Sounds like some good 'ol dread game might help you out here? I could be wrong as to the fact its been a while since i've actually had a gf but might be useful

soskk · 2014-07-07T05:02:22+00:00

I understand you're new to this but I'm still trying to understand how you owe an apology. There's certainly a time and a place but this isn't it. Regardless of "liking her" or if you'd like to see it long term you're obviously not on the same page. Texting other guys, reclassifying your status after expressing interest in being "official", and her blatant disrespect...even if you do get into a LTR with her she's priming you for bitch mode and you're marinating in beta juice. Stand your ground, let her come to you. Calmly and assertively let her know there will be no more texting other guys or you walk. (and by God you walk if it comes to that) If you want to get long term with her start laying the foundation. Although I still think you should next her. My .02 cents.

mormon-virgin · 2014-07-07T05:26:02+00:00

Ehh, I learned a valuable lesson to not hang out with girls and "her friends" if I am a "new" guy. Usually it's just to show her friends that she has another orbiter. She doesn't want to look uncool in front of her friend. Always bring another friend of your own, or be prepared to leave her and go talk to other strangers / friends. I've had to do this a few times especially to girls with lots of "guy friends".

One time I made plans to go to a day club thing with a girl I was talking to. She proceeds to text me and say her and her girlfriends already went inside. Before I even leave to go meet her. So I get inside by making friends with some other girls in line and just ignored the "girl" the entire time. I never approached her or talked to her, just chat with other girls. It was the greatest feeling in the world.

If I were you I just would have left her at the beach. I'd be like "I'm going to find a rest room" and never come back until she called/ texted. Take a taxi or bus home. If you are not friends with the whole group they are going to ignore you, try to not put yourself in a position where that can happen or like I said be willing to go out and befriend others or make friends within the group quickly.

Edit: Just saw you are 16. Jesus bro you're basically trying to date kids. Don't take it too seriously.. find other chicks to talk to

2014-07-07T11:39:17+00:00

Not trying to be a dick, but everyone loves to think of themselves as "oh yeah, I'm this alpha dude but I occasionally slip into massive betatude." This is just stuff I would have told my highschool self if I could, so don't take it the wrong way.

Here goes - If you're doing beta shit, you're a beta who occasionally may have flashes of competence when the scene is just right.

It's good to talk yourself up from time to time, but let's get real - if you've been living as a BP guy for 18 years of your life, you don't get to find TRP and after 2 weeks just transform magically into some high SMV beast. It takes worth, you must slowly build up a new personality and identity - thinking you are this realized semi-alpha will only delude you and slow real progress.

Leaders nip this shit in the bud. You invite a girl out and she weasels a way to bring a girlfriend or two along, turning it from a "on" date to some friend fun? Fuck that (unless you genuinely enjoy their company as friends), you are already communicating beta traits by going along with that and being "one of the girls" for the beach trip.

Then when you see they are both in their own world talking about boys, you sounded like you just let it happen and didn't steer the conversation. Take hold of the conversation and move it to favorable topics - put your foot down and call them out on it if that doesn't work.

Sitting in the backseat while girls are texting... dude, I don't know what to say, but you should be able to assert that this is not OK powerfully enough for her to listen. Especially given that its dangerous. This tells me you were not able to verbalize your need (for her to put down the fucking phone) with authority, a deep, loud voice, and all that shit.

Lastly, feeling like you owe people an apology for acting like an ass... for having the audacity to be annoyed with her behavior... is ironically even more beta than what you were thinking of as your "beta mode".

Slow it down, read up, and understand you have to actually change the way you interact with women from the beginning so that you nip these situations in the bud. Like that old martial arts quote where someone asks a sensei "what would you do if you were ambushed" and the sensei says "I would never be in that situation." The problem here is not how you handled the situation (although that was wrong, as you admitted), but rather that you were IN the problematic situation in the first place and allowed it to snowball.

JP_Whoregan · 2014-07-07T22:07:04+00:00

You were beta from the jump on the whole situation. There was no need to "cue beta mode". Uber-beta parts in bold:

Me and this girl I've been "Talking to" hung out yesterday at the beach. While there, she and her friend continued to talk about guys all day long. I asked at one point who one of them was and she said "just a friend"

You were letting these girls control the frame of the entire afternoon. You should have been directing them. "We are going to get margaritas at that bar over there." NOT "Hey, if you girls stop texting other guys, do you wanna maybe aw shucks go get a drink?"

I tried to strike up conversation and play around a bit and she just brushed it off. I asked why she was so quiet and she said "I'm eating" then proceeded to message some guy on twitter back and forth.

The "I'm eating" was a shit test that you failed miserably. I'll let you ponder what you should have said/done there.

In this situation, you should have been in complete control and have the ability to just leave and next these rude bitches at the restaurant with a Big Mac stuffed in their holes. I ditched an attention whoring cunt at a concert two months ago with her face buried in her iPhone, ignoring me and the concert, FB'ing with her orbiters,... got in my car, left her there, and texted her to call a fucking cab.

But you couldn't do that, because...

We're driving back so they can drop me off and I'm in the backseat being ignored like hell

Never, ever, ever put a woman in the drivers seat and therefore in 100% control of the logistics. This is probably why they were so rude all day. You were a captive Time Bitch who they could drag around all day for validation and orbiting, all while they text and twitter with the guys they went to fuck after they dropped you off at home.

Either you meet a woman at whatever you're doing, or you pick her up and YOU DO THE DRIVING. If you don't have a car, meet her there by taxi, bus, whatever. Then again, if you don't have a car, a good "self improvement" step to take would be to secure your own wheels.

She tells me I sound like a jealous boyfriend

Aaaaaand she's got you pegged as a beta boy. Friendzoned. Move on. You are now the guy that she will be "brag-plaining" to her friends who has such an oh-big-crush on her and just won't leave her alone.

I feel like apologizing doesn't make you a beta it just makes you a decent human being, to admit when you fucked up and apologize for it. Not saying it has to be long and drawn out, but it's just common courtesy.

Well, step one is to not fuck up. And second, even if you do, stop apologizing so damn much, ESPECIALLY to women. NEVER EVER apologize to a woman. You see it as a "decent human being" thing to do; women see it as a DLV and an opportunity to seize control of the situational frame. She will then hang it around your neck and strangle you with it at any given opportunity.

Read the sidebar again. Seriously, man.

winnnnnnnnn · 2014-07-07T23:50:27+00:00

Honestly the tone of your post is pissing me off. Your being given good advice by senior (endorsed) members here and your arguing against/trying to rationalize your behavior. I'm glad things aren't going to work out with you for this chick because sometime the harshest lesson is the only way. Good on you for finding the pill at 16 your really gonna enjoy your college years. Start lifting and get good at something really good. Your problem is you want to win with this girl but in your case it doesn't seem like its gonna happen bro but this is high school so there's tons of room for error and you made a massive one. Thing is even if you do end up winning this girl after the events that took place would you even want her back. Personally my pride/ego wouldn't let me do it out of self respect.

scubar · 2014-07-08T03:15:00+00:00

I went through a similar situation once back in the painful BP days.

Girl had just gotten out of an LTR, I was deeepppp in the friendzone but she threw a lot of misleading signals (kissing, cuddling, holding hands) which I took hook, line and sinker.

Of course, the alpha, probably RP boyfriend came back into the picture about six months later and I was instantly discarded. That ended after another six months passed and our "friendship" happily resumed.

Finally, I discovered TRP, told her that either we were something or nothing and moved the fuck on!

TL;DR : Move on OP, the road ahead is only filled with sorrow and despair if you continue pursuing this one. She'll probably come chasing after you in a few months, when she does just turn her into a plate.

IamAwaken · 2014-07-07T02:23:39+00:00

Honestly you're way too hung up on this girl. She doesn't sound that into you and if you arent accelerating the relationship you're probably in the friend zone.

You sound like you need to start lifting and work on some more of your own hobbies. Also talk to more girls and make new friends. These ones obviously suck if you aren't having fun and being ignored. Best to just see them less and have a lot more things going on. When you rarely talk to them drop good topics about fun stuff you're doing and better if it includes the new friends. This improves your value and will make that group more affectionate to you or else it'll show they just suck and forget them.

Anyway read more side bar you have a long way to go son.

AIchemyst · 2014-07-07T04:00:37+00:00

Do not apologize. That will make you appear weak(er).

If you're sitting somewhere eating and she pulls out her phone, tell her in a stern voice as an adult to a child, "put that away, you are being rude."

mordanus · 2014-07-07T04:08:55+00:00

You're wrong on the apologizing thing... kind of. Yes it makes you a better human being according to many, but you have to understand how it makes you look to women. It makes you look weak to them. They like the bad boy attitude in men and not apologizing is one of the things that keeps that. You can admit you were wrong but don't apologize for it.

Think of it like a chain of command and you only apologize to those that are above you. Apologize to bosses or superior figures. When you apologize to a woman it makes her think of you as a lesser and that opens up a can of worms you don't want to play with.

If you are trying to get into an ltr then you are going to have to mix the beta a bit in with the alpha but if it's just a girl you are barely dating them don't do it if you can help it. Remember that what you think is unattractive isn't what a woman thinks.

g4zda · 2014-07-07T04:17:53+00:00

You should've got out of the car when she was texting. And don't apologize, seriously.

reddiforlove · 2014-07-07T05:51:24+00:00

I'm literally flabbergasted that you think you need to apologize, much less that you are considering actually doing it. You should move the Cue Super Beta Mode to the top of the post, because damn, I'm missing the part where you did anything wrong. All I see is her wasting an entire day of your precious time, humiliating you, and you, in some insane twist of feminist logic, thinking you did something wrong.

The texting-another-dude-while-driving with you in the fucking car is an absolutely mindblowing sign of disrespect. She's literally putting your life at risk while making you her bitch. I would have made that fucking bitch stop the car and gotten out. I literally can't think of a worse way to die.

You "got" a hug? I wouldn't have touched her (and validated her behavior) if her life depended on it.

2014-07-07T06:17:45+00:00

Only apologize when you feel like you truly wronged her. Apologize for you not her.

2014-07-07T06:49:27+00:00

So you act like a little bitch and you think apologizing will make it better? Did you think it through? You sure that will make you look strong?

The "just friends" us bullshit. Not paying you attention is bullshit as well and texting while driving would be a deal beaker für me. Why are you tolerating all this shit? She is the one who owes you an apology.

SpongeCroft · 2014-07-07T10:41:58+00:00

form your angriness at her in strong and direct words and direct them to her, be it personally or via text.

don't let her control you and make you one of her emotional drains whom she likes to contact when life fucks her up and she needs someone to help her. DON'T be that guy. it won't make you any happier, it won't be a real gain for her.

if she bitches to you after you've confidently told her what you're upset about, ignore her. REALLY ignore her. if you've got a chance and do it right, she will come.

Ozymandias30 · 2014-07-07T12:25:13+00:00

As has been said, you have a lot of work to do. Good job you are in the right place then. Whenever you are dealing with a woman, place it on your terms. The main rule is to never be afraid to walk away. Understand that female fallibility is what it is and act accordingly. This particular plate has already gone away from you. Politely finish it with her and move on to the next. You will probably have to do this numerous times before you get to the place you want to be. It will be well worth the effort though.

pcadrian · 2014-07-07T13:00:01+00:00

She's out. You don't need these kind of girls in your life. She's getting constant validation elsewhere, and you are nowhere near ready to compete with that. You can try, it's good practice, but at this point it'll be detrimental to your progress because you're getting triggered non-stop by her rude behaviour.

2014-07-07T13:09:46+00:00

You want her but she doesn't value you. She has the upper hand. It's not personal. You're not being a man who gives women what they need emotionally and sexually. You can turn it around. Don't be discouraged.

LibertarianLibertine · 2014-07-07T13:15:14+00:00

If a girl is constantly texting while you're with her, just walk away man. Basically the "I'm eating", while texting another dude was your cue to say 'bye' and never talk to her again.

2014-07-07T16:04:36+00:00

You're not her boyfriend so technically she can do whatever. She's trying to make you jealous so you'll commit but what a lot of girls don't know is that it just pisses us off and drives us away.

thepillwastaken · 2014-07-07T18:08:52+00:00

Eject. She has you around for self-esteem boost and validation. You are being disrespected and used by some girl you will never think about in 5 years.

Stop talking to her. Apologize for nothing.

Not sure if I can be any clearer here

absolucion · 2014-07-07T18:14:05+00:00

Don't waste your time. If she wants to talk to her "friends," let her talk to her "friends." Don't complain and just move on. Go make some "friends" of your own and find people who are willing to give you the attention you seek.

The_Americano · 2014-07-07T19:21:29+00:00

At the end of the day betas will be betas...

kami_kakushi · 2014-07-08T17:15:54+00:00

dont hang out with girls hoping that they are gona fall for you, you are just friendzoning yourself.

you ask them out, just the two of you.

2014-07-07T06:29:18+00:00

You are 16. You don't need to be on redpill. Enjoy the blissful ignorance while it lasts. Even the suffering and pain is something you will miss when getting girls gets easy later on.

redpilldoc · 2014-07-07T07:12:09+00:00

Apologizing does not make you a bitch and it does make you a good person. But the dumb people out there sees it as weakness and women won't respect it therefore it's a horrible way to practice sexual strategy. Therefore, we don't apologize.

swallowpls · 2014-07-07T06:34:09+00:00

if this were the ER, you would be the dude with three bullet holes in his chest, a friendly varicocele, loss of radial nerve function, and seasonal rhinitis wrapped into one fucking case.

go home, rethink your frame and your MISSION write it down on paper and map it out rationally. any negative thought that enters, destroy it rationally on paper and cater all arguments against that negative thought in support of your MISSION.

now if you can't handle or feel really bad about losing this 'friend' or seeing her fuck another guy, you need to meditate some more on your mission.

Open your mind up. you are able to do this: many things are possible.

Also, don't get oneitis.. and judging from the tone of your post, you have oneitis. thats worse than most of the STDs in my opinion.

pounds_not_dollars · 2014-07-07T10:08:02+00:00

In my opinion you deserved it. This is the bitchiest thing I've ever heard and it concerns me because that's how I felt when I was blue pill. I would just cut your losses and find something else because you got yourself involved with a trifle. It just screams insecurity.

Sathynos · 2014-07-07T18:45:26+00:00

The thing about apologizing is this:

Don't do things you need to apologize for. Means: have your moral code straightened up and be in control of yourself, your actions and your words.
Don't apologize just to avoid confrontation, when you acted accordingly to your morals and values
Do apologize when you fuck up, but learn from that and never fuck up like that again.

Jasmene2012 · 2014-07-07T01:56:50+00:00

Are you retarded or just dumb enough to not understand what you read.

Bouncing_Back · 2014-07-07T02:43:04+00:00

Go see a psychologist or join a cuckolding community because you are full of self depreciation. It might be your thing

Title	I just slipped into beta mode...Hard
Author	skinnysandvs
Upvotes	20
Comments	80
Date	July 7, 2014 1:41 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/2a0ggm/i_just_slipped_into_beta_modehard/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/i-just-slipped-into-beta-modehard.17617 https://theredarchive.com/post/17617

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