Just A Few Simple Requirements

SirKolbath · 2019-01-08T01:36:23+00:00

“Tall”

Okay. My requirements are “not fat”.

What’s that? I’m a miso gymnast?

Fhaze1117 · 2019-01-08T01:29:00+00:00

Lots of kids then lots of sex.hahaha 😂😂

UmbrellalikeWetness · 2019-01-08T01:35:48+00:00

"Lots of kids = lots of sex".

Bahahahahahha

That's obviously someone who's never had kids.

muricanwerewolf1 · 2019-01-08T02:39:11+00:00

"mysterious"

That's a necessary quality? That he's hiding a second family in Topeka? Or his habit of setting fires? Because normal/not criminal people don't stay mysterious very long.

Jesus_Faction · 2019-01-08T01:12:18+00:00

I'm going to assume this was posted by younger girls in their late teens early 20s. As the years go by all of these requirements will fall by the wayside.

HodlingSteady · 2019-01-08T02:06:56+00:00

You're the perfect guy, but you were born 1 month before me. And your eyes are brown. Sorry.

where_muh_good_mens · 2019-01-08T02:39:36+00:00

-loves us

Will take agency for me and my kids against good intuition otherwise

-parent approved

Can't ruin my fallback plan

-friends with our friends

Friends come before you

-physically compatible

Be hot

-tall

Other women must see how my property is better

-polite/caring of others- including parents

The more compassionate the easier to control

-trustworthy/faithful

I've been burned before

-funny/goofy - but serious when necessary

Make me laugh bitch - Grow up already

-wants kids - lots of kids = lots of sex

Hear my siren call

-got their life together!!

Better have money to spend

-religious [to some degree] - christian, catholic, muslim, hindu

I don't care what you believe, as long as I can weaponize it against you

-same age or older - at least 3 years

Be my age so I don't look too old or like I can't get a younger man

-commonality

Must like vacations, wine, and spending money

-can cook

Do house chores

-colored eyes

Other women must know I got a better one

-go with the flow personality

Let me control you

-nice hair

Know how to use your hotness

-dancing ability - or just open to dancing

I want to show you off at the club

-cute smile

Other women must know you are happy being with me

-HOT in a suit

Generate lots of money and look good doing it, like in the movies

-smart/good life goals

I want to be rich one day/make that happen for me

-not marvin (or roommates)

Your interests must be socially acceptable and show how well rounded you are

-friend approved

You must be highly desirable from my friends. Because if they don't want you, then what the fuck do I need you for

-mysterious

Entertain me, I'll get bored easily

Deify_Thy_Master · 2019-01-08T02:24:04+00:00

I love how they have insane dating standards yet when men have the audacity to have their own standards it's not okay?

TomatoPoodle · 2019-01-08T01:28:10+00:00

I've seen this somewhere, I swear it was a group of Asian high school girls that wrote this up or something, I forgot the context

SilverGryphon · 2019-01-08T06:07:04+00:00

Can I make up my own list?

What do we need in a female SO:

Loves us
No tattoos/ a few small hidden ones
Blue eyes
Blonde hair
Virgin
Thin
Cute face
Cute voice
Big boobs
Nice bubble butt
Debt free
Does not smoke or do drugs
Only drinks socially and in moderation
Loves PC games
Loves the occasional outdoor outings
Collage degree in STEM
Can cook
Can clean
Can give amazing blowjobs
Earns a lot lot of money and is willing to split
Willing to have sex any day any time
Younger than us
Non crazy family
Hates illegal migrants
Hates Islam

See it's very easy to pull out a shit list from your ass you worthless roasties

CurlyCocaina · 2019-01-08T02:00:21+00:00

Damn what did Marvin do? 😫

thxnwy · 2019-01-08T03:43:34+00:00

You're a leftover woman. You can only get a leftover man.

smfuel87 · 2019-01-08T03:55:12+00:00

All this shit and they cant even meet the few requirements we have of "dont be a fucking land whale" and "dont fuck other dudes then blame and bill us for your infidelity".

Ive been over their shit for a couple years. I'm 31, jaded and not willing to drop money on some entitled bitch that already eviscerated another guy in family court.

TelemachusRising · 2019-01-08T02:49:06+00:00

Colored eyes? Oh damn I’m screwed with these cue balls I got rollin around up here.

capitancoolo · 2019-01-08T01:59:02+00:00

Poor Marvin.

ChiTownBob · 2019-01-08T03:01:15+00:00

>Parent Approved

Because they're 16 and still living with mommy and daddy. Obviously not written by a grown-up.

>Physically compatible

six inches and six pack, check

>wants kids, lots of kids

which cost money. You've got that trust fund, right kiddo?

>commonality

This guy you're looking for is not within 5,000 miles of common.

>religious - Islam

Yeah, you're going to wear the hijab and be completely subservient to your Muslim husband, right? Not happening.

>religious "to some degree"

CINO/MINO/whatever-INO. Just fake it.

>Not Marvin

Well, c'mon, he's from Mars and got that ray gun and kept bugging Bugs Bunny. No wonder!

Bruchibre · 2019-01-08T04:02:38+00:00

Pretty sure it means lots of sex THEN lots of kids.

Once the honeymoon is done --> dead bedroom. The kids the kids the kids.

"my kids are my worlds, they are my number one priority, oh hey Chad how are you?"

Gordon-G · 2019-01-08T03:14:23+00:00

Is this a joke ?!

frankmarlowe · 2019-01-08T02:40:50+00:00

Just a long list of big fuckin "O O F" material

harharry · 2019-01-08T06:12:34+00:00

Good luck lady. Get ready for the second half of “pride before the fall”

bastardstepchild · 2019-01-08T03:27:28+00:00

... and has no expectations of her whatsoever.

Zefirez · 2019-01-08T14:22:38+00:00

RELIGIOUS??

Bitch, you made a vow to a man in front of God and witnesses to be with him till fucking death do you apart! Yet here you are divorced! Either you broke the most important fucking oath one takes in their lives, or were such shit wife/mother material your own man run for the hills himself!

COLORED EYES??

Bitch, you looking for a husband or creating a MMO character??

TALL??

Bitch, ain't you 10 years and one marriage (plus possible kids) late for that demand? You'll be lucky to find a 5''3 takers provided they aren't dead drunk given your social status!

PARENT APPROVED??!

Bitch, you should worry about your own end! You better fucking devise a good story to explain his folks why their son is about to play daddy to other man's spawn, and bet his livelyhood on a woman who already hoodwinked (or got rejected) by a man that she was supposed to be with till death do them apart!

hawkeaglejesus · 2019-01-08T07:18:11+00:00

"What women want is a gay football coach"

juan_sanchez_08 · 2019-01-08T07:42:52+00:00

Hasn't everybody got "coloured eyes"

jasminemilktea · 2019-01-08T07:54:59+00:00

not Marvin

Damn what Marvin do

Concumber · 2019-01-08T14:35:21+00:00

Nothing wrong with high standards if you're honest about them

Cristoff13 · 2019-01-08T20:23:03+00:00

"colored eyes" means "white guys only please", or to be more specific "white guys of northern European background only please", or to be politically incorrect "aryan looking white guys only please".

pixelies · 2019-01-09T00:37:21+00:00

I WANT TO SEE PICS OF THE LADIES MAKING THESE DEMANDS

swedishchef123 · 2019-01-08T14:18:54+00:00

I wanna see the list of things this person brings to the table to snag said dream partner. She must be QUITE the catch if she is searching for the literal apex man.

AbrocadoPie · 2019-01-08T15:12:36+00:00

I fit all of that bill cept I'm 5'8. I bet you my bottom dollar that who ever wrote this is still a hard pass from me.

OniiChanStopNotThere · 2019-01-08T23:30:42+00:00

Women actually believe that this is the average man.

flxwertxwer · 2019-01-10T20:02:29+00:00

What eyes aren’t colored??

omegajelly200 · 2019-01-08T07:30:43+00:00

Religious [to some degree]

CINO bastard children-siring whore detected

LewisCross · 2019-01-08T12:03:11+00:00

Don’t forget “must lick the kitty”

A”requirement” I actually saw on one of these lists.

Golden_Week · 2019-01-08T16:11:23+00:00

Pretty sure in almost all faucets of society, "go with the flow" and "Polite/caring of others" don't mix...

catastrophicprophet · 2019-01-08T18:23:38+00:00

idealistic fantasies

triumpharted · 2019-01-09T10:51:59+00:00

Damn, what’d Marvin do?

sam123cherif · 2019-01-10T22:43:13+00:00

This is shallow, but really shallow, give them 10 years and they're all like... "well I guess teeth are not that important when you think about it, and what if he smells like raw egg nobody is perfect, who needs it to be rich anyway, and tall is so overated " it's almost laughable.

Arkeaus · 2019-01-08T06:16:05+00:00

I feel like I have all these with my SO and I'm eternally grateful. I have no idea why he stays with me, he deserves so much better imho.

letmeseeantipozi · 2019-01-08T08:28:57+00:00

I was going to say they seem reasonable enough then I saw the caption: 30 something divorcees aren't going to get someone like that lmao

Fantoche_Dreemurr · 2019-01-08T11:39:48+00:00

"Here's my fiant list of requirements for a man even if I've hit the wall so hard I barely felt it"

aceshighsays · 2019-01-08T12:06:18+00:00

Looking for someone mysterious and goofy.

ransay3277 · 2019-01-08T13:16:43+00:00

Wow that is amazing! I didn't know women could write so well in their sleep while dreaming.

leparsdon · 2019-01-08T13:56:36+00:00

"colored eyes"

as opposed to...

ZergSuperHighway · 2019-01-10T09:36:18+00:00

You can literally meet each and every one of these requirements and then some, and she will still cheat on you, shit test you, and be an insufferable cunt just to watch you writhe in emotional pain/confusion and then sabotage the relationship so badly she will force you to break up with here so she can pull the victim card and have a narrative for her friends and family so she will never appear at fault.

devok1 · 2019-01-16T04:35:19+00:00

why should I give a fuck about some thot parents?

I-am-the-lul · 2019-01-16T05:31:19+00:00

Coloured eyes? Well that's one way of filtering out non-white men I guess.

BernieSandersgirl101 · 2019-02-10T18:22:03+00:00

Some of these requirements are reasonable. I'd love a man to be loving, parent approved, physically compatible (This doesn't mean being a supermodel. After all, I'm a 6.5-7 on a good day and a 3-4 on a bad day), trustworthy, smart religious, who wants kids and have things in common. But Serious and Funny at the same time, colored eyes, nice hair, good at dancing, mysterious and TALL, that's dumb, and good luck finding a man with those things. The tall one really gets to me. So you're going to reject a man with all of things except for being tall because he's short?! That's stupid! And with all of those things, she better be a thin and beautiful virgin.

Title	Just A Few Simple Requirements
Author	Newbosterone
Upvotes	388
Comments	143
Date	January 8, 2019 1:07 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen/comments/adopa6/just_a_few_simple_requirements/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen/just-a-few-simple-requirements.347297 https://theredarchive.com/post/347297

Comments

Bahahahahahha