Advice requested: MRP creating distance in my marriage

BluepillProfessor · 2016-12-05T00:02:37+00:00

A basic marriage counseling technique is to create distance along with opportunities to bond so this part of MRP is hardly radical. Uncertainty in the relationship usually creates sexual tension for women especially if you are at least close to her best hypergamous choice. If not then you have some work to do.

Your problem is you are doing this for your wife, not for yourself.

SirGaetanDugas · 2016-12-06T12:40:52+00:00

Likely, you are newly awakened and noticing the distance that has always been there

Previous butlering and female worshipping was something you wrongly thought was closeness

anythinginc · 2016-12-04T21:56:30+00:00

From your thread in r/divorce

no kids...my marriage is not improving...I very much want a family....I have to consider the possibility that I would not necessarily meet someone else very soon after separating from my wife. That could mean not having kids until I'm in my late 30s, or 40s, or perhaps even ever. And I'm trying to decide if that is a risk I am willing to take. On one hand, my marriage is becoming a net cost in my life, wife and I want different things for our future lives, and I am increasingly dubious about her qualities as a potential mother. OTOH, what can I learn to live with/tolerate/accept in exchange for long-term stability?

You're scared, you're living in scarcity. If you believed in your own value even a little bit you would know that you could have a better woman knocked up in 6 months. Chemistry, family, prospects, hobbies, dating history, sexual compatibility, you can find out this shit in a couple dates. What you want is effort and genuine desire, and you'll know that when you have it. I was divorced and childless in my mid 30s two years ago too. You sound very similar, like she's checked out. Tinder, POF, OKC, going outside your house as a high-value man, the game isn't the same as it was 7 years ago.

she doesn't even want to look at my cock anymore. My cum is "disgusting." Sex is "gross."

I don't know what your SMV is, if you could get sex from any free woman with options, but I know you are scared of losing her. I don't know why considering what you said above, no sex, no value, no effort. You haven't let go yet. You haven't owned that your life would be ok (better?) without her.

wife and I want different things for our future lives, and I am increasingly dubious about her qualities as a potential mother.

I don't know what is involved in that statement, but nobody in their right mind would tell you to have kids in that situation. And you want kids, but not with her? Tick tock motherfucker.

I read a couple posts of yours and didn't see where or how you gamed your wife, but it's becoming irrelevant. If she isn't following, if she is allowing distance to form, she either doesn't notice or doesn't care, checked out. From the sounds of it, I bet you could get an ILYBINILWY out of her without much prompting, what would your MAP dictate then?

She knows you are a option-less low value man too.

she doesn't even want to look at my cock anymore. My cum is "disgusting." Sex is "gross."

How did you react to this? okay.jpg?

She just ended your relationship. If you didn't act like that was a last straw, if your reaction didn't lead to some hysterical bonding on her part, then you displayed your low value and lack of options, every day for the past two months you have showed her, us, yourself, exactly what you think of yourself and the bullshit you will endure.

I will attempt to be a great husband for a woman that hates my cock, hates my cum, hates sex with me

Fuck that

I would begin building a life separate from her. Checking, credit cards etc... Still try to be charming, still trying to game, still trying to fuck her brains out...but from a separate life. If you have any value to her she will begin to make efforts to keep you. If not, then what have you really lost?

MAYBE you could have a conversation about low libido, you're negotiating desire, but we're winding down here anyway.

I have a low libido baby, and I don't want to do anything about it, even though there therapies and pills that increase my sex drive, I won't take them for you.

That should be about all you need.

It's possible that end-game, high-dread divorce/separation moves would motivate her desire, but you're either too chicken shit or just not ready for that yet. I'm sorry man. It sucks. We say act like you have irrational self confidence, display high value, but if you snuggled up to sleep with a bitch that called your cock gross....you might have a little more frame, you might be better at STFU, you might be a little lower b/f%....but you are still not where you need to be.

RPAlternate42 · 2016-12-05T08:53:51+00:00

First and foremost: MRP is not about improving you marriage. MRP is about improving you. The most likely outcome of this is that the marriage improves. If the marriage doesn't improve you are still improved and the time spent in MRP has now prepared you for other, younger, and hotter women.

Yet Mrs. SP interprets my retreat into other activities as distancing myself from her - which, I suppose, it is.

Own it. Own it more if it's been a pattern.

Every time I don't want to have sex with you, you go off and do something else and I feel like you're running away from me and making distance just because I don't want to have sex with you!

"That sounds frustrating but it sounds like you know the solution to your problem."

This makes it your frame. She will complain that YOU are running away. This is an attempt at altering your frame which is she is pushing you away.

The problem: she feels abandoned from rejecting sex with you. The solution: have sex with her.

Now, to your job: Everytime you have sex with her, ramp the niceness up. Cuddle with her, spend time with her (within reason of your available time for her.) Do A (one, singular) chore that she may do normally and say nothing about it. Text her something nice during the day; not a conversation, just something nice. (yes, I know this breaks the "text for logistics" rule in MRP, but sometimes the text game IS logistics. Basically just do the shit that makes her feel nice but this stuff must be above base line nice.

Example: If you talk to her normally... start talking to her a little more. If you normally cook dinner on X night and she cleans up... do the clean-up for her. If you normally watch TV with her for 1 show... do it for 2. If you normally don't change the laundry over... then change it over.

My wife gets all kinds of giddy when I empty the dishwasher (normally she does it.) I say nothing... she opens it and finds it empty, and her body language just looks like a weight was lifted... and she knows I did it, but I say nothing.

Also, escalate as normal... when she rejects you, just go back to baseline. if she continues to reject, start removing baseline.

So when you "run" to do those other things after rejection, makes sure you still do those other things normally. If she never sees you doing those things EXCEPT when she rejects you, then it looks butt hurt. If you do them normally and the ALSO retreat to them post rejection, then she knows that you are doing it because she rejected you, you just don;t look as hurt about it.

Trust me: she ALWAYS knows rejection hurts you. How much she cares about it varies.

Aim for possibility 1, but don't change YOU to do it.

Sometimes women don't adjust; sometimes marriages fail. at least you know it fails because of her low value not because of your improving value.

SampsonBrass · 2016-12-04T21:55:03+00:00

Spend some time, if you haven't already and more time if you have, reading /u/thefamilyalpha. It should be very helpful to you with this:

modify my rp journey to better include my wife

Big_Daddy_PDX · 2016-12-05T02:56:27+00:00

You're still too worried about how she feels and it sounds like your confidence is lower than your SMV. I you aren't confident, you've got nothing for her to desire.

GargantuaBlarg29 · 2016-12-05T15:54:01+00:00

You have accurately described the two paths MRP can take your marriage. But your path 2 is all about how she will head to divorce you (the victim). Stop being the victim. If she doesn't want to be a part of your life and wants divorce, that's good for you. Find someone who does. If she DOES want to be a part of your life, which includes fucking you, then that's good for you. WIn win.

JDRoedell · 2016-12-05T17:46:17+00:00

The "M" in MRP could really be replaced with anything. RP is about building better men in a feminized society, and yes, it's about sexual strategy. But it isn't about fixing marriages. It's about men improving their own lives who just so happen to also be married. We could have hundreds of other subs that talk about bettering men who have other specific challenges (like marriage) that tend to act as obstacles to this improvement. I'll propose some:

DRP - Depression Red Pill SARP - Social Anxiety Red Pill BRP - Balding Red Pill CRP - Cancer Red Pill ERP - Ego Red Pill SDRP - Small dick Red Pill URP - unemployed Red Pill CEDRP - Chronic explosive diarrhea red pill.

Etc, etc.

The married part is a descriptor/challenge, not the goal.

EDIT: thought of another RP sub

nopeToThe43rd · 2016-12-06T14:59:20+00:00

You're still clinging to that big covert contract - If I do this, if I check these boxes, everything will get better!

If you don't recognize that, you're short changing yourself. You have to accept that she may not be a part of your life tomorrow, and if that happens you'll be ok. Build yourself. Be the man you want to be. If she is attracted to that man, then you'll know, and if not, then you'll know.

Improve you. If you're making progress you'll get other offers. Then you've got to decide what you want, and navigate those waters. In the mean time, if she decides she's not liking the man you've become, then she may fall away.

iloveairplane · 2016-12-06T18:02:55+00:00

A lot of guys here including me have been where you are currently. Hindsight being 20/20 if I were back in that situation with NO KIDS I would make sure birth control was in check and get this RP stuff sorted out quick - because if sex is a drip now then just add kids and see what happens.

I would also become very active outside the home in some very exciting SOCIAL groups.....fun runs, sports, concerts, food/drink events, networking, etc. I would be getting plugged in and having fun with some other exciting people, movers and shakers, professionals, and the like.

Make sure you have read the 12 step plan of dread: https://redd.it/2lpafb

Then make sure you properly learn to initiate with you wife since I suspect a large part of her saying no is you just aren't sexy enough. read up on gaming your wife through the sidebar and other resources and properly seduce your wife....become the sexy beast, initiate with confidence, push through the last minute resistance and soft no's, make her laugh and have fun with it.

Between your lifting, improving your social game, following the 12 step dread plan, and properly initiating sex with your wife - you will start having more sex.......or the 12 steps will take you to a place where you are moving her out of the relationship (which is where you want her if she doesn't want sex with you!)

redmountainpill · 2016-12-05T03:35:35+00:00

No kids and a wife that doesn't put out? You're setting up a situation where you've established that you'll put up with a lot of shit. When kids come, you've essentially given her carte blanche to shit on you every day and still not have sex because she knows you won't leave. I understand guys who stay because they want to provide a nuclear family. You are just being spineless

weakandsensitive · 2016-12-05T08:21:04+00:00

I don't sulk or act resentful after I get turned down for sex, blowjobs and the like.

I don't believe you.

Your marriage might end. Figure that out.

If I can find a way to modify my RP journey to better include my wife and lead to better sex + marriage, I'd love to do that.

This is a gay mentality and why you're going to fail.

How much you lie to yourself is a joke. I'd bet money you're a stage 5 clinger for you wife. Shit, she dominates this entire post.

SorcererKing · 2016-12-04T17:17:32+00:00

Not a ton of detail here. How you doing on shit and comfort tests? Can you tell the difference? Are you passing both? Get your comfort ratio tuned up.

If all that is good, then make sure you're leading the relationship, not just doing your thing and swooping in to try get laid once in a while. Think back to when you were dating. What did you two do that was fun? How about when things were good in the marriage?

Bottom line: sounds like you've come a long way. Make sure you send the right signals about that.

Aaren_Augustine · 2016-12-04T19:35:48+00:00

Tons of small stuff, but the main one is what is your life's mission.

From there, for me, it's wake up at 4:50 a.m. and lift weights. Write my fiction, hit goals...I envision creating distance as you chasing your desires in life, not running or playing hard to get with your wife. Women catch on to that real fucking quick; due to it being a female strategy.

BPP says passive dread, due to it's passive qualities. Making it purposeful negates your efforts.

ReddJive · 2016-12-05T12:36:23+00:00

If I can find a way to modify my RP journey to better include my wife and lead to better sex + marriage,

If this is where your head is at you need to get your shit together.

I'd love to do that. (And if not, well, then the long-term alternative is clear.)

gawd, again you are looking to alter things best for her. Man the fuck up here.

I was kind with you until these last two pieces of bullshit.

logger1234 · 2016-12-05T00:04:23+00:00

option 3 - she is holding on to power tooth and nail for as long as possible. This could happen. You may eventually reach F U or F Me, which is on the red pill path.

How will you know? When you say "Be in the car at (time)" and she asks why and you say "it's a surprise", she refuses to get in the car. You ask "I'm going to starbucks, want to come?" and she says no. Every. Single. Time.

Eventually you stop eating out together. Ever.

Things may get worse for you relationship-wise. If you want teh sex, you may need to next her. OR, you could decide to have no sex, but have such an awesome life doing other stuff that you don't care.

It does happen, look at the evolution of a lifter:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7kbSfFFEvxw

redearththeory · 2016-12-05T14:06:04+00:00

The difference between Possibility 1 and 2 may be whether she is attracted to you. What is your height, weight, bench, bf%, where are you on game?

monkeysinmypocket · 2016-12-06T13:35:30+00:00

He earns 1 million wanker points for the cringey use of "sitrep" alone.

He thinks he's in the A-Team.

nantucketghost · 2016-12-05T00:14:16+00:00

deleted ^{^{^What}} ^{^{^is}} ^{^{^this?}}

Title	Advice requested: MRP creating distance in my marriage
Author	ShiveringPines
Upvotes	5
Comments	33
Date	December 4, 2016 5:04 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/5ggd2k/advice_requested_mrp_creating_distance_in_my/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/advice-requested-mrp-creating-distance-in-my.206817 https://theredarchive.com/post/206817

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