Am I being insensitive here?

cholomite · 2018-06-13T20:58:02+00:00

It sounds like you aren't engaging with her enough. It doesn't really matter what you do (celebrate anniversary or not), but you have to engage with her on some kind of level, otherwise she will start to get bored of just sitting around while you do your own thing.

I don't give a shit about my girlfriends day or how it went, but I ask her because it gives me a chance to tease her, play around, engage with her and give her different emotions. You don't want to be an emotional tampon but if she's not talking to and engaging with you, she will find someone who is willing and if they're more fun than you then your turn with her will be over quickly.

You can have all the abs and square jaws in the world but if you never do anything or talk to your wife she won't want to fuck you.

awyden · 2018-06-13T20:55:20+00:00

Two approaches. If you go with the women are the biggest children in the room approach. How would you feel if your dad never talked to you or cared about what was going on in your life?

If we take the first mate approach. How well would a ship function if the captain didn't care what the first mate was doing?

FF0000_captain · 2018-06-13T22:16:33+00:00

The question isn’t whether you’re being a shitty husband. It’s whether you’re being a great one. Acting aloof and disconnected from your spouse definitely isn’t great. Great is: working together toward a shared vision, exchanging information and advice often to improve both of your efforts toward that goal AND sharing this experience we call “life”.

If you’re just going to and fro minding your own business, and occasionally fuck each other, you’re just roommates who happen to also be FWB. She wants connection and emotional intimacy and you aren’t providing it.

By not providing this, you’re setting yourself up for a comfort test that could be easily avoided. So get your head out of your own ass and engage with her more. If you just don’t enjoy her company in that way, you probably need to ask yourself why you’re married in the first place.

rocknrollchuck · 2018-06-13T21:55:38+00:00

In my marriage, I personally take the approach of sharing a few positive things that happened at work, as well some of the challenges I faced. I don't do this every day - instead, I direct the conversation back to her and her day so she can tell me about what's on her mind. I occasionally open up and talk about a bunch of stuff that happened on a particularly eventful day, but I am always mindful to keep it positive in a "These were the challenges I faced today, and this is how I overcame them" way.

A wife wants to experience feelings by connecting on an emotional level with her husband. It's up to you to make the effort to do that if you're not currently.

Yesterday was our 6 year anniversary. it’s nothing I tend to celebrate. She reminded me then asked if we were doing something. I told her I hadn’t planned on anything I had some things to get done.

You do you, but I don't think this is a good approach if you want a good relationship. You want a sexual connection, she wants an emotional one. You're not connecting emotionally by forgetting your anniversary, are you?

I was running off 3 hours of sleep.

What happened here? Seems like you're setting yourself up for failure.

TurdDoctor · 2018-06-13T21:18:07+00:00

You are asking the wrong question. It's not about whether or not you are a shitty husband. Are you living the life you want to live and are you fucking? I'm guessing you didn't get laid on your anniversary?

FlyingSexistPig · 2018-06-13T21:16:05+00:00

A good husband takes care of shit.

I'm guessing that you knew about the anniversary before the day before it happened. So have shit like flowers just taken care of, if you are too busy to handle it yourself, the day of. Call your local florist and have it delivered, automatically charging your credit card, every f*cking year. You don't have to think about it, and she can take pictures of that shit and post in on instagram or some shit.

It's not that you're not doing anything, it's that all her friends who are asking her what she's doing for her anniversary are making her feel crappy about it.

You still don't have to feel one way or the other about it, but acknowledge that this isn't how your wife's hamster works.

JoATMoN9 · 2018-06-14T00:15:34+00:00

There's no reason you need to be following the hard dates like Valentines Day, Mothers day, or even an anniversary. But usually that's because you're normally a fun guy and being with you is a special day.

You don't sound fun at all. You can choose to be that way, no judgement, but women run on feels and if you aren't providing them...well...

DanG3 · 2018-06-13T23:22:29+00:00

Absolutely not being an asshole!! No need to exert yourself. PM me with her cell number. I’ll take care of this for you.

johneyapocalypse · 2018-06-13T21:46:47+00:00

Red pill coach has some decent advice in this area. In the past, I wasn't terribly interested in anything she had to say... she's just a a very different person walking a very different path and I couldn't (or at least didn't) muster the energy to pay attention.

I now actively listen, I pay attention, and I've found that I can be every bit as interested as a I choose to be. It has helped immensely.

I have scaled back on "celebrations" choosing instead to make every day, week, and month as interesting as possible. With that said, I don't tend to ignore them or forget them entirely.

SteelSharpensSteel · 2018-06-14T01:40:02+00:00

Stop being a sperg.

Source: Someone who knows.

matrixtospartanatLV · 2018-06-13T22:28:38+00:00