Caught Wife Cheating

wildnight98 · 2017-12-23T20:12:07+00:00

Binge yourself on reading the sidebar, which is a collated collection of articles selected to walk you through changing your whole way of thinking. You have a lot to learn and it will help.

Give yourself permission to bide your time regarding your marriage. You have assets. You don’t want to be divorce-raped. You need to keep quiet for now until you figure out what to do. Go see a divorce lawyer on Wednesday. Start preparing for divorce without her knowing what you are doing. You may decide to do something different but you have the gift of time to get ready, start now. Steel yourself not to snap and confront her till you are ready.

Consider seeing a counselor asap. You are in a lot of pain and need to figure out what to do with it. Posts on subreddits probably aren’t going to get you all the way there.

There are a lot of guys here that will empathize with where you are now. But MRP is a radical male self-improvement zone featuring extreme masculinity. Guys here expect you to OYS (own your shit) and boldly face your own part in creating your current reality. You seem to have done some reading but have a lot to do. And a lot of introspective thinking to do.

Finally, before others smarter than me chime in with better advice, I would encourage you to view what you are going through as an opportunity, a new chance to recover a life you always should have had but have lost. Without this precipitating crisis you might have continued this way for ten more years.

Good luck.

crimson_chris · 2017-12-23T20:09:22+00:00

The stay or go question is not easy. The basic problem is that when your wife cheats on you, that is the ultimate sign that she no longer respects you. So the question is, can you live with a woman that has taken another man's dick and does not respect you. That is the real. The blue pill question is some bullshit about can you forgive her.

Based on your post you were a shitty leader. I can admit that I have been a shitty leader at home as well. If you divorce your wife, it will not solve that issue for you. It will relieve you of a mouth that some other man's dick has been in recently (that stings, but that is the red pill). Focus on fixing yourself. Mainly for you but also for your children.

As for your wife, we have all had a hand in creating our current reality. You have to decide if you can improve yourself while living with your creation. You have to decide if you can be the man that your wife needs. It's a lot harder after she has taken some strange cock.

My condolences.

drty_pr · 2017-12-23T22:57:11+00:00

Your children are close to the age of being gone.

Can you stay with your cheating wife for 6 years? Can you handle knowing that she is still fucking him on the regular? Still kiss her good night? Can you listen to her talk about family, your relationship and values, now knowing not only the truth of her actions, but also the realities of Red Pill?

This shit will eat you alive!

You could go bang an escort tonight. What you'll get is a short dopamine dump, followed by a first hand look at females transactional views of sex. It'll leave you feeling empty and shitty. This is not the answer IMO.

So do you tell her you know or not?

Say you choose to keep this to yourself, follow the prescribed model of MRP and become the best version of yourself. Maybe she stops fucking around (doubtful). Maybe she fucks you more (while I mention that, will you be able to hit it next time knowing someone may have hit it before you got home from work?). Maybe she doesn't change at all. Regardless, you will get to a point where women want you and regardless of what happens with your wife, you'd be a fool not to get that pussy.

Or you choose to confront her (worst idea IMO). You lose all leverage. She'll gaslight the fuck out of you and because you don't have any control in the household, you're stepping into her battlefield (read:her frame). She will spin it as its all your fault. Friends and family (possibly even kids) will take her side. When all is said and done, she will have totally justified her behavior. Shit, she'll probably still be fucking him anyway.

Or STFU and plan an exit. Your kids will get over it. Life will go on. You have lots of life left to live. The sky is the limit.

The beauty of keeping this to yourself for now, is you are playing the game your way. You keep all the power so long she knows nothing. Do not confront her!

izual19 · 2017-12-24T00:33:06+00:00

I for one regret the amount of time I put into trying to reconcile with my cheating whore ex wife. It's not possible to talk your way thru this. I wholeheartedly agree with the above posters that the best course of action is to keep it to yourself and prepare divorce papers. Serve them to her. Mic drop.
Denying her ability to gaslight and spin everything as your fault to all her friends and family would be well worth keeping this to yourself. Don't give her the time she needs to spin a bunch of bullshit so she can have a safety net of supporters. Cold. Calculated. This is what happened. Divorce.

BobbyPeru · 2017-12-23T21:54:01+00:00

Congrats on keeping your mouth shut. That’s BIG

Personally, cheating is an automatic next for me, but you have to figure that out.

Sidebar,

lift.

No dominos. Rewarding yourself with junk food is counterproductive. It’s fat guy thinking.

creating_my_life · 2017-12-23T20:17:18+00:00

then order some Dominos as a reward for those monumental tasks.

First misstep.

I've been absorbing the shit out of this sub for the past few days.

What about the part about being physically in shape? What's your height, weight, and bodyfat?

lack of time I gave her over 15 years, and I see that, but it doesn't forgive her betrayal.

It doesn't forgive it. But as you accept Red Pill, you'll see why it explains it.

It involved working obsessively for several years to the point that there was nothing else in my life.

Yup. Absent husband and father.

I'm starting to slow down now, but I think the damage that's been done to my personal life is irreparable.

Can't change yesterday. You can change tomorrow.

I see a lot of talk about alpha and beta around here.

It takes a lot of understanding to let those concepts sink in.

Personally, I think that's over-simplifying things,

Not as much as you think. Keep reading.

but for the sake of the argument, from a professional stand point, I'm alpha as fuck.

Honestly? I doubt that.

With my wife, I suppose I am Beta?

Hard to say.

I admittedly leave any household decisions up to her, more out of a "don't bother me, I'm busy" headspace, I suppose.

Having a great first officer is important in the household. That's not at all Beta.

I certainly could have been involved more with the kids.

That's not it either. That's choreplay. Maybe you could have done the dishes and laundry, too?

The vacations were always good, but day to day, I could have done better. Looking back, I guess I can see how I leave her high and dry without a leader.

You're taking a simplistic approach of "leader". Don't be Rambo and order people around. Which is what I guess you do at work thinking that's somehow "Alpha".

A couple months ago, I got a suspicion that she was cheating. There were signs. I hired a Private investigator (cringe as fuck, I know) and yeah, she was and still is. I haven't said anything yet to my wife or anybody else, save for my father.

I'm sorry. It will take some honest introspection to understand why she did what she did.

A part of me wants to fucking bury her in revenge,

That comes from a place of weakness, fear, and anger.

and a part of me wants to go back and change things, though it's not possible. Right now, I'm 70-30 on a divorce, and I've retained a divorce lawyer.

You can't change the past. But you can change you.

I'm currently trying to insulate myself financially from this.

That's an excellent plan. Go talk to a few divorce lawyers. See what's in front of you. Listen to them more than internet strangers.

I just re-read what I just wrote, and it sounds so matter-of-fact. The truth is, this is killing me.

What should be killing you is how you became so much of a pussy that it was your wife's best option to cheat on you. How did you let yourself go? Physically? Emotionally? You let yourself think that by growing a business you earned endless good pussy at home (covert contract). You can't negotiate attraction.

I might go rent an escort tonight, or maybe just drink myself into oblivion.

Neither of those two things will make you a better man. A man worth not cheating on.

Most people here will say that you should divorce. They're probably right. My bet is that you're such a fuck-up on so many levels (I say that lovingly, you're in good company here), that most women would have cheated on you. My advice would be to fix yourself. It will be hard, more difficult than you imagine, and more rewarding. MAYBE you can find it in yourself to forgive her. Maybe you can forgive her and choose to still move on. Maybe you can understand why she cheated, still forgive her, and still not stand looking at her face every day.

Start reading everything in the sidebar of Married Red Pill, Red Pill, and more. Once you've read it all. Read it again. Go read the MRP OYS posts. There's gold in there.

Here's some thoughts that are relevant to you:

You can't negotiate attraction.
Rule 0: Be attractive; Rule 1: Don't be unattractive.
MRP fixes men, sometimes it fixes marriages.
The Stay plan is the same as the Go plan.
STFU.

88Will88 · 2017-12-24T00:53:38+00:00

Sorry to hear about her cheating. Enjoy your hooker tonight. Time to make plans for the next stage of your life. I have some tips for you, this will all take time though. Firstly keep the emotions out of it as much as you can. Yes she is a dirty, filthy cheating whore but really they are all whores. Try and bottle your emotions and keep your mouth shut. Don’t try and punish her, that will just hurt her, reduce her effectiveness as a mother, hurt you and hurt your kids. Good on you for being successful in business, money is fucking great and you can never have too much of it. Work on being Machiavellian so that the divorce will not be a painful and vindictive process.

Make her into a friend, fake it until you make it. Be the good guy (fake it, fake it, fake it) tell her you just want to make the process easy on everyone and say that you can stay friends. actually can be friends once you get past the butthurt. I am great friends with my ex, she would do anything for me and we talk all the time. We even hang out and have a laugh. Makes it very easy with custody too. It sucks that you have not been as good of a father as you should have been. Fix that shit. Don’t your kids deserve a great dad. Do not be an asshole, time to build better relationships with your kids.

Once you start banging a lot of strange you will feel better. I would direct you to the TRP sidebar rather than the sidebar here. You don’t need to go reading the books here, you need to lift, learn game and focus on money and your kids. The books on the sidebar here are for married guys, you are about to become a single guy, better than that you are a rich single guy, which is fucking awesome. You can have the best of all worlds so long as you are in shape and know how to game women. I am going to PM you some details on enjoying life as a single rich dude. Lastly, acknowledge your pain at being cheated on, go through it, not around it. Do not let your pain make you emotional and vindictive, it will not help.

snatch_haggis · 2017-12-24T06:51:43+00:00

So. You got asked point blank about lifts and weight and you avoided the question. You're also talking about getting a whore, not going to the bar and chasing strange.

That says a lot about where you are at in your process and your SMV, doesn't it?

Look, don't get a whore unless you want to feel worse about yourself than you already do. Ask me how I know.

You have internalized a lot of important shit man, and you're actually looking at this from a perspective that a lot of people take months or years to get to, if ever.

So here's the deal. You can't undo it, it's done. I can't tell you what to do. Lawyer up and be ready for the worst, that's a no brainer no matter what.

Next, get to work on yourself. Put being a husband on pause (sounds like you did that years ago anyway), and fix everything you can about your life around you. Home, family, health.

Reboot all of it.

Go focus on everything you put aside to make money subcontracting people and machines to build and maintain oil pipelines (you realize that's a hell of a thing to trade for a shitty life, right?).

Be a better dad, first of all. You've almost missed your chance to build a lifelong bond at this point, but it's not gone yet.

Spend more time with the kids, every day. Mine take turns walking the dog with me for an hour or so a day. We talk more than they do with almost anyone, including their Mom and their friends.

Give them more of your time. Could be anything: hunting, biking, basketball, really doesn't matter. Just be around them, don't look at your phone, and don't be a dick.

Next, be a better you. I think you already know what that means. Lift. Read the MRP sidebar. Stay plan is the same as the go plan. Own your shit.

Start with No More Mister Nice Guy and a gym membership. Cost you less than the whore and you'll feel better too.

dontbedenied · 2017-12-23T22:26:19+00:00

Sorry to hear that this happened to you. As others have pointed out, this is a great opportunity for you to learn and grow into being a better man.

You posted elsewhere:

Is she worth fighting for, or is it a lost cause?

What kind of woman do you want to be with? Do you want to be with a woman who has cheated on you, and obviously will have no problem cheating on you again?

She took a shit on your marriage. She had options to address whatever shortcomings you had as a husband, and the option she chose was to suck heaven knows how many guys' dicks any number of times.

I know I would never want to be with a woman who did that to me.

SteelSharpensSteel · 2017-12-24T13:54:34+00:00

I'm going to take a different tact and perhaps shove the shiv in a little deeper here, unfortunately.

Take a read of one of WS's posts - https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/45v64p/the_trope_of_the_beta_male_married_husband/

(side note, you have more reading to do on the definition of alpha)

Then read the top comment on this post - https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/3tromi/recent_and_distant_past_possible_infidelity_just/

That's some painful reading there, and might require a reread (especially if you have a hangover from drinking).

It's easy to say, man, she cheated, divorce her (and for the record, I would be in that camp in this situation). It's a hell of a lot harder to take a honest look at yourself and see if you've been a man worth cheating on.

Practically, I would agree with wildnight98 and his advice, along with don't be eating pizza or drinking. But take some time for reflection. What were your failings here (as you allude to). If you don't realize your shortcomings, you'll be doomed to repeat them.

Realworld52 · 2017-12-23T19:03:32+00:00

Your life is not over and the future you really appreciates how intelligently you have handled this so far. Keep unemotional

JimboNumberz · 2017-12-23T20:03:55+00:00

Take meetings with all the top divorce lawyers in your area to create a conflict of interest. They will not be able to represent her.

Try to create legal trust and give company to a son in totality so she cannot take half.

Lift.

Read.

Take a business trip or two and have fun on the side and be sly about it so cannot be used against you in proceedings.

WhiteTrashKiller · 2017-12-25T09:46:55+00:00

STFU about divorcing, about the cheating, life hasn't changed for you one bit since you've found out!

You're not getting anymore or any less sex are you?

You aren't losing 50% of your net worth while having your kids turned against you.

Your children don't have to listen to mommy get pounded in your former marital bed, while you have a 1BR apartment away from your kids.

Logistically nothing has changed since yesterday except now you are finally seeing things more clearly. You can be mad, but other than helping you in the gym what does that anger do for you? If you forgot to take the dog out and she shat on the floor, would you be mad at the dog? She's a dog! Same with women, why get mad about something you now know they all have the ability to do. Use all of this as fuel to make yourself into a man other women want and other men want to be.

You don't have to divorce! Personally, if I had that much to lose I would take the remaining years of my kids adolescence to secure them and myself financially. Set up trusts, liquidate slowly, hatch your plan not for revenge but because you value what it is you've built and that you want to keep it. I'd use that time and all that extra liquidity to lay a foundation for the rest of my life. It sounds like you've been married long enough where alimony would be in play. Maybe relocate to a state without lifetime alimony before serving papers, you gotta protect what is yours.

You didn't answer the height, weight, bf?'s Are you active? What does your diet look like. Without this info, the guys on here can only give you the basics read, lift, unfuck yourself which often sounds like insults hurled from the peanut gallery. This is far from the best approach for you to formulate a plan!

Do not stick your Dick in this woman! Blame it on ED, make an appt with a Dr. about some made up diabetes test, low libido, depression shit something just to cover you. What good is fixing yourself and then trying to hit the market, but now you have HSV.
Divest your financial liabilities. Get a lawyer(you should already have one) to draw up papers. Each state varies and some require the spouse to be notified if a holding is sold, transferred, liquidated, etc. Set up trusts for the children. Hide money in gold, silver, etc. Collect old lottery tickets by the thousands, racetrack slips, etc. Hide the cash you liquidated under the guise of a gambling problem.
Get to the gym everyday! EVERY FUCKIN DAY! The sooner you get your body inline with your goals the easier it will be for your mind to follow. Use a basic app to track your progress in the gym, don't half ass it, your future self is depending on you. Don't tell me you don't have the time. Delegate more(you're the boss) to free up your lunch hour and lift!
Fix your diet! I say diet, but most assume diet means a predetermined program to lose weight. This is a lifestyle change! You never go back to eating like a slob, nobody is responsible for your piss poor choices when it comes to what you put into your body except you! Physiques are made in the kitchen! Fuck Dominos! It is loaded with refined sugar, find a healthy approach to eating. Food is not a reward! It is fuel!
Read the sidebar! There is a knowledge base you need to gain through reading to help you understand WHAT you need to do, WHY you need to do it and WHO to do it for! If you need a hint look at that shitbag staring back at you in the mirror. Do you feel sorry for him? He's kinda pathetic right? Fuck him! He is weak, he is the reason you're in this mess and you need to kill him!
Be an educator to your children! They get emotional support from mom, the get their worldly education from you. Men teach, women leech! We give parts of ourselves away pieces at a time to those around us. Being careful who you give to. These are investments, we've gained knowledge in this life by making decisions some good, some bad but both taught us something! When we pass this on we want this hard earned info to be used wisely to better those around us especially our offspring! Hell that is the only reason men are here to produce more human beings! Set an example for your children, you need to offset that bad influence your eventual ex wife is providing.
Enjoy your life, find fun hobbies to do, build a social circle outside of marriage, parenting and work that way when you're ready the infrastructure is there to transition.

All women have the ability to cheat at anytime and most men that come in here tuck tail and run back to their comfortable blue pill life because the work needed to fix 20, 30 or 40 years of of thinking is simply too much to handle! Don't be one of those guys!

screechhater · 2017-12-23T21:35:55+00:00

Biggest thing currently, is Frame.

In my opinion, lifting, STFU and reading the sidebar are your most important steps

Identifying your problems and working through them are paramount

Since you now have the high ground, set her up to expose the e.m.a. as a coincidence, then you can just stare. Give it some time once it's in the open and since you really don't know what you want currently, this might actually help line out what you do want

FireTempered · 2017-12-23T23:14:55+00:00

Your business was your priority, for a very long time. She needed some more of your attention than you were willing to give since you are professionally "alpha as fuck" in the business world.

You chose it now you live with it. Since you brought this on yourself, what does a man do? Some of all that money you worked so hard for is going her way if you walk. Staying with a woman that prefers other men is a tough sell.

Nope can't go back and make it up. You might not even be able to change it. You got kids on the diving board and you're probably not real attractive as you said: You're so broke up you might rent an escort?? Now your adding fuel to the Professional Fucktard label I'm giving you.

Two choices man. File for divorce, maybe you can save it and un-file. OR Just go your own way and take on any strange you can get, keep up your roll.

stacysmomlovesme · 2017-12-24T15:38:22+00:00

Getting cheated on by wife and finding out via PI isnt Alpha as fuck and its very obvious that you have a hurt ego and are applying salve.

That's not necessary. When you dive in to TRP, there will be no ego to soothe and its going to be very clear what you need to do to get back on track towards your own mission.

In the meantime, keep quiet with wifey, smile at her dishonest nature and get your life in order.

She may have a future role in this life but it won't be as a starlet.

quentinthequibbler · 2017-12-26T01:37:02+00:00

So you decided to get a hooker. Well. That’s one approach.

weakandsensitive · 2017-12-24T08:15:24+00:00

What's my favorite post of all time again?

nonnimoose · 2017-12-24T16:31:54+00:00

You are not actually in the process of separating from your wife and yet your children will be spending the holidays without their father. Why is this? You know about your wife's betrayal but she doesn't know that you know so it's safe to assume your kids have no idea at all. Look at it from their perspective: for no good enough reason Dad is not going to be with us.

Instead of regretting that you "could have been involved more with the kids" you can change that starting right now.

Adreamdead · 2017-12-24T01:48:24+00:00

Mgtow

ThatKassiusGuy · 2017-12-23T22:52:12+00:00

That really sucks, hope it all works out for you.

plein_old · 2017-12-24T16:14:06+00:00

Sorry to hear that man. I think when difficulties arise, we can choose to 1) be a follower, act like a victim, blame others, and react to people and situations based on our emotions, or 2) be a leader, take responsibility, and decide what we ultimately want, what outcome we want, and make decisions from that place.

If I had children, I would take that into account if I was in your situation.

I don't want to offend people here by making an unpopular suggestion. But let me put it this way. If you want, you could probably get your wife back. You are the father of her children. She's sneaking around, living a double-life, living a life of constant anxiety. On some level she knows she has the potential to hurt her children. On some level her current situation is probably not at all satisfying to her.

If you present something attractive to a woman, she will respond. That seems to be the answer to a lot of the questions in this sub. If we're butt hurt, we're not attractive.

A lot of guys will tell you that the best way to "prove" that we don't need female validation is to go rushing into the arms of a new woman as soon as we feel offended by our current woman. Maybe that has validity, I don't know. Maybe it's an individual matter.

Anyway, best of luck sir.

snatch_haggis · 2017-12-25T02:59:18+00:00

Doesn't look like OP's MAP is off to much of a start.

andre_101 · 2017-12-24T05:24:18+00:00

Am 5 years down the line similar sht but chose to stay. 1 - i worked on my own shit for a while 2 - started lifting 3 - caught the fkrs red handed and told the boyfriend to come and take her out my house the same day or she must decide to stay - didnt really give a sht either way. She was shell shocked and i never brought the subject up again since then - not a word 4 - never went the hooker route rather channeled the energy to lift and focus on self 5- fucking enjoying my money in the marriage now 6 - kids have a few years left to finish school basically staying for them (have never seen kids survive divorce without some cracks developing in them) and we much closer now 7 as to the wife she slowly came around still shit tests but at least she knows the boundaries in my frame 8 - would i do it differently after so many years i dont know if either way is better - maybe i could have gotten married again but suspect my wife would go divorce crazy afterwards and i just prefer keeping things managed, keeping the kids close until they can stand on their own feet...9 she may get a letter in few years but thats my call and timing. Good Luck brother

bedroomaccounty · 2018-01-06T06:58:02+00:00

rekt

jshtx2117 · 2017-12-24T06:28:34+00:00

Profession, Marriage, Children ... You can do two but you can't do three.

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Title	Caught Wife Cheating
Author	Rich-Dude
Upvotes	24
Comments	66
Date	December 23, 2017 6:41 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/7lq860/caught_wife_cheating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/caught-wife-cheating.205033 https://theredarchive.com/post/205033

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