Something wasn't sitting right with me for a long time now. I checked her phone tonight while she slept, found a convo with her sister. In it was discussion about how a guy from a Vegas trip 6 years ago (that I was on with her!) messaged her recently and she feels so much guilt and shame over what she did with him. She went out with girlfriends til 5am, trickle truthed me that she went to a guys house solo but never did anything. Full disclosure, she had ditched me that night and I was butthurt so I went out with some girls, some making out, no sex. We both assumed some shit had gone down but neither would admit it, therefore I put it out of my mind. Now I cannot ignore, and she cheated on me when we first started dating, made out with a guy.

Part 2. The dick pic guy, some of you might recall from my oys. Turns out she met him before we separated in January 2021, then we separated and they got a raunchy text convo going, him talking about fucking her ass butt plugs, etc. She sent him pics of her in lingerie, nude, buttplugs. This is the guy she was taking pics for while we were separated, and lied and told me she was taking pics just for her. I cannot prove she sent him shit after we got back together, she deleted that part of his and hers convo. From the convo w her sis, they had plans to meet up but never did, she got scared, felt he was a fuckboi, but she was infatuated by him. She still talks to him every couple days. This is the guy who's airbnb we went to with friends a couple OYS ago, when she was texting another guy and I knew something was up. I called her out then, saying any texting to other guys is a deal breaker for me. She agreed, still texts him (non sexually afaik). She obviously deletes some shit off her phone, but I'm not naive enough to think there isn't a 99% chance she fucked this guy too.

Our relationship is fucking awful, she isn't attracted to me, she for sure fucked at least one guy. She was crying in bed tonight and told me she wasn't sure if she loved me. That's why I checked her phone. Unfortunately, she woke up as soon as I opened our bedroom door and saw I had her phone. I was going for stealth, really tried being as quiet as possible. I didn't say a word, just left for a drive at 2am as she checked to see what i could have found.

I have cheated in the past also. I've fucked girls when we split up years ago. I can already feel myself wanting to make excuses for her behavior and back out of divorce. I was a loser. I still am, but I told myself if I ever find any evidence of past cheating or less than full effort on this current reconciliation, I'm out. Texting other guys is a deal breaker.

Am I being a faggot for being upset about something I already deep down knew (Vegas) and using this as an excuse to quit the marriage because I'm struggling with my progress? I think I should cut my losses.

Edit I cheated this summer, I got a drunken bj from a chick with zero effort required on my end. My container has been shit, no wonder my I'm getting shit in return. This doesn't change the fact my no texting guys rule was crossed and she fucked a guy in the past. What a mess I've made for myself.