Help with a Boundary Issue

BLACKMUSLIMCHAD · 2021-09-11T20:00:57+00:00

you gave her an ultimatum, either she fixes up or no trip, stick to it.

PhilosophiaChristi · 2021-09-11T20:06:03+00:00

"I know she's testing me."

"I set this boundary"

"Should I enforce the boundary?"

You're posting to get validation for the obvious answer. You shouldn't be afraid of her leaving you. If she doesn't want to join in on your awesome life, then you can go and enjoy it without her. You are completely in her frame by even worrying about how she'll react to it.

AlohaMaui808 · 2021-09-11T20:13:37+00:00

Are you the Captain or not? Hope you have consulted a lawyer and are ready to nuke if necessary, because if you aren't, you're going to lose this game of chicken, and be in an even worse situation next time.

Assume she will take this over the edge and be ready for it.

Overall, what do you want? Visualize that in your head before reading below

.

Is what you want based entirely in things you control? (I.e. only requires action from you to achieve?) If not, you need to adjust your expectations and path to things you actually have control over.

Your life path should be able to move forward with or without her because she doesn't make or break your ability to follow that path.

If that isn't where you're at, then you're fucked, because you're not going to have the solid Frame to handle this when the dynamite goes off.

SBIII · 2021-09-12T11:02:47+00:00

You've spent almost half a decade posting advice to other retards on TRP and you still haven't a fucking clue about something as basic as this.

I'm not helping you here because you're a larping fucktard.

BobbyPeru · 2021-09-11T23:14:58+00:00

The thing you don’t seem to understand about boundaries is without a matching consequence (the consequence should match the severity), you actually don’t have any boundary.

None

First, decide whether you want to go by yourself or just stay home

Don’t go because you want to punish her. Instead, go because you want to go, or don’t go because you don’t want to go alone.

Next, You have already set an ultimatum, but once again you don’t have a boundary because you haven’t given her a time to do it by… doing it by the time of the trip is not acceptable or realistic.

So, since you already set an ultimatum, now set a time.

I suggest sooner rather than later… perhaps by 7PM tomorrow (Sunday).

Then, if she doesn’t meet it, you need to Enforce your decision- period

ForestsAndSymbiosis · 2021-09-12T16:52:52+00:00

To quote Rian: "women will always call your bluff". She doesn't believe your boundary, why - because you barely even do.

a-little-spice · 2021-09-12T17:58:43+00:00

I guess it’s time to see what kind of a man you really are. Either what you say matters or it doesn’t. Your choice.

If your will is bent to her so easily why should she trust that you’re will won’t be bent to everybody else too?

sicrm · 2021-09-11T20:16:08+00:00

She’s implied we’re done for good if I go without her. I know she’s testing me. Not sure how to successfully navigate this boundary. Thoughts?

that’s that thing about ultimatums, there is no navigating.

either she puts her ring back on and moves back into your room, or you go without her.

anything other than those two outcomes and you whatever progress you made over the last two years goes down the drain.

thisisme0007 · 2021-09-11T20:15:17+00:00

What are your stats?

KirthWGersen · 2021-09-11T21:27:59+00:00

Jesus Christ, man. Have some self-respect.

It's over.

Move on. Sort things out from there.

BigBoiBahmani · 2021-09-12T04:01:49+00:00

You trained your wife into being a real bitch.

She is a woman. A human with a body of a 14 year old and hopefully a cute face. What are you so intimidated by? You can pick her up and put her down like a baby. Visualize her like that. It is just a cute woman. You will realize that the only power she has over you, is the one you have given her.

Always know the line where you will leave her. And then leave her. You have made her think of you as a spineless pig who can't leave her because he is pathetic and wont be able get the touchy touchy stuff from anywhere else.

You break that assumption and throw it away in the trash. Not because you want her back, because you want yourself back. Too long you've acted on the whims of a child, thus became a validation seeking child yourself and came to us to ask this question when you already know the answer.

Your validation seeking is not the problem, but a symptom. Why are you asking this? Where are your balls? Do you even lift? How long will you tolerate this dramatic bullshit from this little woman?

Let her do what she wants. She can either comply or goodbye. Don't think about her so much. She is not that important. What do you want? Do you tolerate these things? How do you apply the knowledge here to your life? We dont know, you do.

PutABabyInThat · 2021-09-11T21:24:54+00:00

Do it.... you won't.

bob--the--man · 2021-09-11T22:00:54+00:00

Long story short, for years the wife has taken her rings off and moved into our sons room as response to me in most arguments.

Wait a minute... You don't argue with a woman - EVER! WTF? You should know this based on your post history.

Two years later, after a lot of work on myself and working hard to reassert that boundary she hasn’t done it for the past year and a half…until the other day.

Okay....

Here’s the catch, our Anniversary is in 5 days and I have already paid and planned for an out of town excursion. Non-refundable. She still wants to go but I have made it clear to her that I am in no way taking her unless she reverses course.

You set the boundary.

Not sure how to successfully navigate this boundary. Thoughts?

You made your move, now it's up to hers.

Be prepared for her to serve papers to jump back on the carousel, while you will need to STFU, sidebar, and lift heavy.

business_-_travel · 2021-09-11T21:57:04+00:00

You have been a poster on the main TRP sub for over three to four years now....

Don't you know the answer already?

AlohaMaui808 · 2021-09-11T20:07:04+00:00

Give the trip to somebody else

Argentina_MRP · 2021-09-11T22:03:25+00:00

Your marriage is over. Absolutely done.

You have work to do on yourself. Sidebar? Lifting stats? Goals? Mission? Contact a lawyer and be prepared to serve. You never had a wife, you had a roommate. I would bet good money that she has been texting or seeing other guys for the past two years. Boundaries are the least of concern.

Kevlar__Soul · 2021-09-13T00:05:21+00:00

I would tell her flat out move back in and deal with me like an adult or I am going on the trip without you. If that would cause her to divorce you then she is going eventually. Key is being okay with either outcome, don’t bluff.

If my wife took her ring off in anger, I wouldn’t let her have it back until she earned it. She doesn’t just get to decide to put it back on and move back in with no consequences.

She is acting like a petulant child and she should be treated accordingly.

Title	Help with a Boundary Issue
Author	EtherzZero21
Upvotes	14
Comments	42
Date	September 11, 2021 7:49 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/pme49k/help_with_a_boundary_issue/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/help-with-a-boundary-issue.1069217 https://theredarchive.com/post/1069217

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