Update & Adding Value Q

ParadoxThatDrivesUs · 2016-07-13T15:26:37+00:00

Didn't realize this was possible, but you've somehow managed to fuck up STFU, and it's symbolic of your larger mistakes too.

STFU, at least for a beginner, means don't engage at all. It doesn't mean engage silently. Just say nothing and move on with your day. You aren't trying to win anything or make any point, your just indifferent and OI. You can't win a shit test. The only way to win is not to play. So STFU. AM and AA are more sophisticated ways of not playing, but you aren't ready, and STFU works perfectly fine.

I see the same problem in your other issues as well. Stop trying to win some game with your wife. Just improve yourself.

Maybe this will help. Imagine that your living with a woman who is 150 lbs overweight, doesn't shower, has an ugly face and a grating demeanor. Maybe you feel sorry for her, but the bottom line is that you're repulsed by her. Got it? Now imagine that she's constantly hitting on you. She says she wants you to go down on her, and the thought alone disgusts you.

What advice would you give her? Ask more often? Get angry? Beg? Act like a puppy dog? None of that is gonna help. No, you're advice would be to lose weight, clean up, do whatever you can to become more attractive.

That's your mission. In the meantime, go monk mode. (Look it up)

anythinginc · 2016-07-13T16:14:06+00:00

It's been one week since your intro post bro. You're sprinkling so much alpha on it with no frame, no value, no SMV, no dread, and zero game. She's went from your bed to your daughter's bed in the first week so I am 100% sure you're doing too much too fast.

The first inklings that your wife should have that anything has changed should be "has he lost a little weight?" "He's been to the gym three times this week" "wow, a lot has gotten done around here and I didn't have to do it" "We haven't blown up at each other in a few days?" "Hubby has seemed so happy and driven recently..." You will have gotten zero positive feedback from her about any of this most likely, that's why we say you are doing it for yourself.

"dinner tonight is hot dogs, they are in the fridge

Handle your shit and fix dinner for your family your fucking self. Value.

laundry so infrequently that I run out of clothes.

God damn son. Do your own fucking laundry, do the whole family's while you're at it. Value.

[She has] to take kids to ballet and soccer

Why can't you spend that time with your kids? Value. $10 says your wife has a fucking calendar or to do list on the fridge. Look a few days in advance and start wiping that shit out before she gets to it. Never say a fucking word about it. Expect zero positive feedback. In fact, expect a shit test because you didn't do it right or some shit. If she says anything positive about it say you don't know anything about it, fucking gnomes must have done it. Value. Handle shit, be a captain. Make your own fucking list too.

much of my life has been covert contracts, tonight I'll likely go for overt: "You want things to be better? I need a BJ."

Lol, I..I can't even bro. Call up Sister Agatha and tell her you'll donate $50 for a good time while you're at it. What are you going to do when she laughs in your fucking face asshole? How were things going to get better for her after a BJ? How were you going to make things worse for her? What the fuck man? That is fuck you or fuck me, that is main event stuff, that is a year from now after you're a quality man, after you know you can get younger/hotter and know you can live without your wife and know that she is not going to come around to captain/first mate or ever put out for you. Just because divorce isn't an option for your catholic ass doesn't mean your wife feels the same way, ask me how I know.

ONE thing that has happened is that she seems to be getting physically close to me, bending over near me, showing cleavage, rear, etc.

If you see an ass, you spank it. If you can cup a breast, you do it faggot. That has nothing to do with your MAP or dread level or SMV, it is because you have a penis. I went to an all boys catholic school and I'm not this fucked up. Damn. https://www.reddit.com/user/jacktenofhearts Read all of those. He writes a lot specifically for fucking autism spectrum fucks. Honestly I'm thinking about deleting this part because I'm imagining you being a complete creepy autistic spazz about how to touch your wife and the cringe-fest aftermath. It is difficult for me to even imagine, but I know you would fuck it up somehow.

Lets say I want to be a priest. Surely I can just walk into a parish and start saying communion and hearing confessions because I want to right? Nobody would give a shit right? I might even be able to fool people until it got into the real aspects of leading my parish and then everyone would fucking know I'm a fraud. Surely nobody would realize I've never given a homily before. It takes years of study, you have to prove your worth and your piousness before they let you lead a parish you asshole. But you're trying to skip that part. "I bought a collar, I'm here, why the fuck can't I say communion and get a nun blowjob?" Because you haven't done the work asshole. You don't even have anyone that would recommend your candidacy.

Think about a good priest. A symbol of the patriarchy if ever there was one. Leading his parish with hard work and dedication and humility but a strong will and commitment to doing things the right way. He earned that respect. He didn't just show up and start issuing orders and expect everything to go his way.

Now, around here we say "fake it til you make it" a lot. We are talking about having "irrational self-confidence." We know we all start out as worthless pieces of undersexed blue pill shit. So it is difficult to build and hold a frame knowing that about yourself. It is difficult to have outcome independence when you know that about yourself. It is difficult to practice STFU, amused mastery, and agree/amplify when you know that about yourself. It is difficult to walk your ass into a gym and lay down underneath a bar with no plates on it when you know that about yourself. It is difficult to game your wife knowing that about yourself. So yes, have irrational self confidence, fake it till you make it. But don't think you can fake zero to alpha in a week.

fuzzyface1980 · 2016-07-13T11:03:28+00:00

You haven't done shit. You are all technical with your actions as you haven't internalized anything. You haven't even read all the technical manuals yet. She sees your monkey ass mimic being an adult and she is entertained by it.

At this point I guess I can practice my game on a single mom who lives in the same house. Isolate&Instigate should be easier.

Slow down cowboy. You have to work on you first. Read all the material. There are levels of dread at appropriate times. Have you even read that post?

She's dressing more provocatively to show you that you're still going to lick her feet and submit to her giant mind cock. Which she thrusts into that pink little brain of yours.

Realizing how much of my life has been covert contracts, tonight I'll likely go for overt: "You want things to be better? I need a BJ."

STFU and work out. You are acting like a kid, just stomping around and acting tough. Purchase, read.

https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/448rzj/introducing_bpps_book_saving_a_low_sex_marriage_a/?

Hell, I'll buy it with you. Fuck knows I need a damn reminder. I never learn my God damn lesson.

Sepean · 2016-07-13T11:50:17+00:00

she is sort of the center of the kids universe, and I do miss the kids.

Then play with the kids, take them to sports, do homework with them, take them to the park or go swimming. Do what you want to do.

First q: Adding Value. I'm not seeing this defined in the literature I've read so far. In context, it seems to be /social/ value? Could someone elaborate.

It's not so much about adding value as having value. Do you have value? Are you displaying indicators of high value?

(likewise STFU, STFU is to respond to the attack by maintaning eye contact, confident pose, "that's ridiculous" look on my face?)

It's not a staring contest, no, and you're not trying to communicate anything seriously. STFU is mostly about not needing to explain or defend yourself. There's also Amused Mastery, which is basically radiating that you're above this and find it funny more than anything else. If your daughter did something silly, would you try to stare her down with that look on your face?

Wife is acting like a natural alpha! Responding to my absence by escalating her absence. Demonstrating clear outcome independence She started sleeping in middle daughters bedroom 2 nights ago. ONE thing that has happened is that she seems to be getting physically close to me, bending over near me, showing cleavage, rear, etc.

As you unplug she will pull every trick she knows to regain control. At some point she is going to begin calling you an asshole etc. too. Hold frame through it.

At this point I guess I can practice my game on a single mom who lives in the same house.

FFS no. You're way too early for that, and don't do it in your house.

Realizing how much of my life has been covert contracts, tonight I'll likely go for overt: "You want things to be better? I need a BJ."

Don't try to negotiate attraction. And what are you saying here, that you'll keep on being grumpy until you get BJs? That's not how it works, on the contrary a red pill man should project positive energy.

Thoughts?

Slow down. Keep reading, begin lifting. Practice outcome indepence and STFU. Do the stuff you want to do, especially the kids sounds like something she is forcing you out of, don't let her. Do some cool stuff, like hobbies or fixing the house.

There's more to it than that, but you sound grumpy and stressed out, and you have to find some positivity, enjoy building your masculine identity, find a calm center, for this shit to work properly. Just let it sink in, don't try to do everything at once. It is better to do the first steps right than try to rush to the end and do it halfassed.

SteelToeShitKicker · 2016-07-13T14:02:32+00:00

I generally don't comment on religion, but here goes. I was brought up Catholic. I still attend random churches at random intervals.
If you don't want to use birth control, get used to wanking. I mean, it's your choice, your wife doesn't want any more kids and (I assume) you don't want to use birth control.

My issue with Christianity as a whole, is thier raison de etre is to make you a better beta. I don't want to be a bigger bitch than I already am. I stand tall in church when I pray, and huge cathedrals (meant to make me feel small) make me feel huge. People built those things, men, up in the air, through blood sweat and tears. Craftsmen who had levels of skill unheard of today. These were my ancestor's countrymen.

Anyway, I take full responsibility for my actions in this life, and think at the end of my life, there is a devil waiting in hell for me. But you know what, I live my life every day, trying to do what I believe is right. Sometimes, it's a struggle, more often it comes easy. Organized religion tells me what they think I should do, but at the end of the day, I make my own call.

Are you making your own calls on anything or are you a blind follower?

TLDR: You are a faggot who won't address the elephant in the room, which is your refusal to fuck your wife with a rubber. No shit she has no connection to you and doesn't give a fuck about you.

Countpudyoola · 2016-07-13T15:19:38+00:00

So you're behind enemy lines, get handed a backpack , and think the best thing to do is just sling it on your back and run out into the DMZ.

You have to really learn how to use what tools you're given to you before you start amping this up to 11.

I do miss the kids.

You are in control of this. Play with them. Do stuff with them. "Give mom a spontaneous day off" out by just grabbing them on a weekend morning and taking them out all day (leave a note so there's no amber alerts). This'll look like an Oprah win, but in reality you're trying to build up fun times with your kids without the mom.

So reading this and your previous post your marriage is dead man walking mode. You can't just start applying the hard parts, without a hint of even a sale on it being genuine.

Realizing how much of my life has been covert contracts, tonight I'll likely go for overt: "You want things to be better? I need a BJ."

If you say this at a time where you BOTH know there's 99.99% chance of a hard no, you're just setting yourself to fail. You are in an extreme position of weakness at the moment.

Like the high-powered men that like to be dominated, my guess is she wants to be dominated.

Where the fuck are you going with this? You seem to be doing some mental fantasy gymnastics. You are in no position currently to speculate when the best you get is displays of what you aren't getting.

For >insert normal reason< she's stuck it out with a beta provider over the past few years while her dreams of being with a real man caused her to have to strap on the man pants which causes her personality to wither and shrivel into a hagnag-beast in regards to you.

You seriously need to take a step back and for the time being be OK with just co-habitating with your babymama. If she wants to sleep in another room... not your concern.

Your ONLY chance at reconciling this is with her overt acceptance of a new you and coming back into your frame.

You won't negotiate it. No quip or comment is going to cause magic.

You can only inspire it.

If you can't make A.A. or A.M. or even O.I. without it seeming butt-hurt or bitter...just take a step back don't or change the attitude.

It's time to pretend you just won the lottery and a new lease on life. A happy fucking go lucky attitude that defies your surroundings and treatment.

I'd focus on the body improvement in conjunction with manly hobbies. I would make sure there's no correlation to direct benefit to her, but no harm in a hint.

EX: I recently found out I love restoring furniture and building items from reclaimed wood. While this could benefit her if you made something for her if you did something similar, no harm in just making a rustic table for your man room. It's still a skill set she might see benefit in if you two work it out later.

The point is to make tangible improvements in you , for you. If you're into escapist things like sitting around all day watching sports, TV or playing video games dial that back to 0 and replace with irl activities.

It doesn't take an appointment to just go for a walk. Easiest hobby to begin with if you can't think of better.

You want things better? You want her to WANT to give you a bj.

Be cordial. Be light. Have a devil may care attitude (not to be confused with a "You don't bother me , nyah nyah" retaliatory attitude), radiate an auro of fun. If she's determined at that moment to be disrespectful or foul , just slow fade or talk as you would to an kid acting ugly , and be sincere in your compassionate-pitying looks see her as a wounded animal in a trap, lashing out at even helping hands. "I sincerely hope you feel better." and leave the room at least. Go play with the kids.

Praying on a Rosary is a form of zoning out meditation, but I'd seriously explore the more mindfulness styles of meditation for your current state. Or do whatever thing inspires humility in the face of creation. Whether it's looking out across water or being in the middle of a dense forest, or just surrounding yourself and people watching at a mall trying to grok all the insane amount of lives going on around you. You are a speck, your problems a speck on a speck in a sea of infinite specks.

She may fuck you tomorrow, she may fuck you never. In the grand theme of things, it really only matters to little old, insignificant you. It's quite liberating to divest yourself of how NON-important seemingly HUGELY significant things are.

I'm not mind-hippie-ing out here for no reason. This is the fuel that builds GIVING LESS FUCKS. Your new rock solid foundation.

Some other reading to think about for you:

The Tao of Pooh.
Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance.

Not trying to convert your to an Eastern religion, but add a dose of MONK mindset.

Improve your perspective and some of the difficult sounding things we appear to do around here will snap into place like a lego.

Also: And if you're needed PTSD style comforting and pills for sleep, don't let her know about it.

Don't display any weakness or lack of coping at this point to her.

[EDIT] last thought on this:

ONE thing that has happened is that she seems to be getting physically close to me

At this point in your journey, I have to say if you're going to do anything, make it light and nice... NOT OVERTLY SEXUAL. POSSIBLY PLAYFULLY SEXUAL OR ADMIRING (aka, stroke a sweet spot on her neck and comment how feminine you always thought her <insert body part not usually designed for sexual attention> was.

You are WAY TOO IN THE THICKET to misfire an play into a stereotype. If your LESS STEREOTYPICAL shit starts to lead into REAL play, then quietly lead her there with a smile and a hand, slowly but assuredly lay a deep passionate kiss on her. Up the breathing and maybe shut the door and make it seem like it's inevitable.

If you get a soft no, keep kissing her and say "sure" between breaths. But keep making out and pretend like you're trying to get over the first hurdle on a date in high school. If it goes to hard no. Smile and chuckle (FROM A HAPPY GOOD NATURED PLACE) and say something like "This ain't over , missy, I'll see YOU later" and go do something else.

This could all go there. OR she really has no designs other than to pick up a piece of lint from the floor and you're so not-a-sexual-object that her cleavage show doesn't concern her.

redearththeory · 2016-07-13T11:39:27+00:00

Adding Value.

Fix things around the house. Lead your wife on exciting outings. Own and competently manage major life areas like finances, cars and diy. See problems coming and have a solution waiting. But there's one catch: this only counts if you don't approval seek after delivering the value. Add value and then never speak of it.

Wife is acting like a natural alpha!

Someone has to.

At this point I guess I can practice my game on a single mom who lives in the same house. Isolate&Instigate should be easier.

Easy there champ. How about nailing the first 4 levels of dread first.

Realizing how much of my life has been covert contracts, tonight I'll likely go for overt: "You want things to be better? I need a BJ."

Just ask for a bj. It shouldn't be a transaction unless she's a whore.

cholomite · 2016-07-13T12:25:52+00:00

Your over thinking this, and thinking too much about your wife. This isn't supposed to be some play by play guide book on getting laid. Passing 3 shit tests doesn't equal 1 blowjob. It's an attitude, a mindset that you need to have. If you dont have that mindset, which you don't, it won't matter how many things you may be doing right, you're still in her frame.

Aa far as adding value goes, that's basically things like social value, physical attractiveness, confidence. If you walk into a room and everyone is excited to see you because you're such a fun confident guy, that makes your wife look and feel better, and adds value to her life. Same goes for if you're at the beach and all the women stare when you take your shirt off because you have sweet abs. You can provide value in a number of ways, just avoid letting money become the primary method. Social value beats out money value with women every time.

This one might sting but your wife isn't "stepping up her alpha" to prove some point to you or engage you in games. She just doesn't give a fuck about you. She doesn't care. You seem to care enough for the both of you, so why should she?

DO NOT go up to her and cry on her shoulder for a BJ later. No matter how you think it will sound, if you tell her you need her to blow you to make you happy, you're basically proclaiming yourself as a proud beta who is completely dependent on her for happiness. It's a fucking terrible idea. No more contracts. Just try to get handsy, make out a little and see where it goes. If she shoots you down smile and walk away. Whining about sex is the most beta thing you can do.

About the religion stuff, I don't go to church or any of that stuff, but I come from a big religious family. Your faith in God alone doesn't mean shit to your wife. Praying every night by yourself will not make her more attracted to you. If it helps you attain mental focus and clarity, then by all means continue for that reason but don't ever delude yourself by thinking she gets turned on or feels good about your praying. All she, and most women, care about is social value and how whatever it is that you're doing will help her increase her social status in life. If you want to make her more attracted to you via religion, go become a leader amongst your church group, run day camps on exercise and fitness, or coach a church team or something like that.

Dobiegillistein · 2016-07-13T12:38:14+00:00

On a scale of 1 to 5, how attracted is your wife to you right now?

CinnaMagister · 2016-07-13T13:27:55+00:00

You're operating one huge covert contract. Search through MRP and read about Outcome Independence, then read, lift and improve for YOU.

SteelToeShitKicker · 2016-07-13T13:48:33+00:00

Responding to my absence by escalating her absence. Demonstrating clear outcome independence - yesterday when she criticized me I STFU and looked at her. After ~30 seconds she said "what?" and I said "I guess we're done" and walked away, meaning for the night.

Yeah, been there. Your value is not high enough for the level of tricks you are pulling. You need to start lifting yesterday. After lifting for a sufficient period, all of a sudden, the wife starts to give a crap what I say, and finally starts getting in shape herself.

Take it slow. Read more and lift.

In her head, she is saying "fuck you, you worthless piece of shit". You need her to be saying "Oh, no, I pissed him off, I shouldn't have done that, I hope he doesn't leave."

CopyAndPaste2015 · 2016-07-13T15:30:47+00:00

After the 3rd one, she said "never again" but we are Catholic. She decided no sex.

Why don't you get a vasectomy? I took this decision by myself and never looked back.

stonepimpletilists · 2016-07-13T19:14:52+00:00

Wife is acting like a natural alpha! Responding to my absence by escalating her absence. Demonstrating clear outcome independence - yesterday when she criticized me I STFU and looked at her. After ~30 seconds she said "what?" and I said "I guess we're done" and walked away, meaning for the night.

Lol. you got amog'd by your own wife eh? Also, stop being passive aggressive. She'll respect you when you fucking deserve it.

Go take your kids, unless she's tiger mom, home schooling doesn't take 16 hours a day. whats stopping you from grabbing the keys and going out to the park?

As for the rest, you aren't fuckable, so surprise, she isn't fucking you. Take a look in the mirror and see why.

ParadoxThatDrivesUs · 2016-07-13T19:30:35+00:00

A lot of really good advice in this thread.

Scurvemuch · 2016-07-13T19:42:14+00:00

you are still a pussy

here, read this - its relavant for you, but you may not be ready

Persaeus · 2016-07-13T23:46:39+00:00

You should call an ambulance before going overt. You will need it

donerkebabplease · 2016-07-14T10:10:35+00:00

Some really good advice in this thread. You are going too fast, we've all been there, check my post history. Slow down before you nuke it (unless that's what your goal is)

Add value before taking anything away. Someone else said add value by doing things around the house, just start there, make a list of all the shit that needs doing that you've been neglecting and get on and do it. Start owning your shit, don't stop, just do. STFU, lift, do everything and don't whine about it.

About the sex, are you ready to dominate your wife? Have you read SGM? if not, don't do anything before reading that, I don't think you're ready for that, you don't yet have the confidence to pull it off.

BluepillProfessor · 2016-07-15T15:17:14+00:00

"I guess we're done" and walked away, meaning for the night. She interpreted that, I think, as done forever, and said to my back "okay, goodbye."

Act as if nothing happened today and the next. You are simply not going to be a whipping boy anymore. That doesn't mean you two are "done" but only that YOU are done being the whipping boy.

Her reaction is like a little girl and that is how I would treat her- like an adorable and bratty little girl. You wouldn't let a 7 year old rant and rave and bitch at you so why would you let your wife do that?

At this point I guess I can practice my game on a single mom who lives in the same house.

Another guy gets it! This is exactly the plan. She is only a wife and not a washed up single mother because of YOU. What she is and becomes is your decision.

praying a rosary

Fun fact, I am a member of the Confraternity of the Rosary and committed to praying the entire Rosary (3 Roselets) every single week for the rest of my life. I recently prayed a Roselet on the way to a doctor's appointment and my normally high blood pressure (140/90) dropped to 110/60. I think I may want to do that even more!

So have you tried "Rosary Dread." I am not Catholic so it is probably sacrilegious but...you can disappear for an hour or so to pray the Rosary at a chapel and it has the SAME effect on the wife as trolling the department stores talking to hotties and getting number closes (without the threat to your eternal soul- lol). "Where did you go?" Answer: "Out."

You want things to be better? I need a BJ.

No! The first sentence feels like whining and it stinks of negotiating desire. DON'T NEGOTIATE!!! You CAN COMMAND desire, however. Give her a warm hug and TELL her that you need a BJ. No conditions. Just raw desire.

This is a resisting, unsubmissive wife who does not trust her Captain. You need to LEAD her to a better place. It is extremely hard (pun intended) when you are not getting laid but it is your burden as a man and a husband. LEAD her to a stable relationship with your boundaries (and hers) in place.

we are Catholic. She decided no sex.

I know Catholics don't read the Bible much but you really should try it. Ephesians, 1st Peter, Galatians, not to mention the Song of Solomon have all the answers you need.

If you still need some help with the religious angle, Chapter 12 of my book addresses the question: "What if I am a Christian?"

bogeyd6 · 2016-07-18T15:05:28+00:00

I'll go ahead and address specifically your questions and let the other men handle all your seriously fucked up methods.

Adding Value:

This is more specifically your social and personal life. Nice house, clean, maintained, get your shit done, wife is constantly badger you to do things. You should already know what needs to be done and then handle them accordingly. Socially would be your friends and your social circles. Do you have a few friends that can come to your house on the weekend help put together that really cool swing/play set for the kids in the backyard? Do you have a male social circle that you visit away from the wife's? The idea is you have a core group of friends that your wife can also be a part of, and then you should be the best in that group of friends so your wife can see how you match up to the relative competition.

Second question, couldn't find it. You really suck at flow in your writing.

Title	Update & Adding Value Q
Author	logger1234
Upvotes	1
Comments	31
Date	July 13, 2016 10:41 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/4smifx/update_adding_value_q/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/update-adding-value-q.207325 https://theredarchive.com/post/207325

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