How to be Alpha AND likeable?

itiswr1tten · 2020-04-30T14:44:17+00:00

When I first opened this thread I was concerned you'd be another one of the retards who assumes that being Alpha is all about being an asshole. I am grateful that is not the case.

A hard lesson you will learn when you become successful, with girls or money or career or whatever, is that success breeds terrible envy and deep-seated jealousy.

Betas are not more likeable, they are more compliant. Mushy turds if you will.

The way you write suggests that you are in fact kind to people and that their happiness matters to you. The second part is the dangerous part. Understand that everyone's happiness is their own responsibility, and some cannot help but malign themselves when they see your path to Greatness.

If you want to, try to explain the purpose of your self improvement and lifestyle to your male friends. Some will get it, some won't. That second group needs to be left behind. The first group however may join you or understand, and your friendship will grow stronger than ever

falconiawillfall · 2020-04-30T15:13:06+00:00

You need new friends. I have multiple friend groups from high school that I still interact with 8 years later. Almost everyone in those groups, from the most beta to the most alpha, wish each other success in every aspect of life (including getting girls). If someone acts like a faggot (myself included) we're quick to call them out on their bs.

Fabulous-Craft · 2020-04-30T14:54:40+00:00

The crab bucket mentality is real.

It's hard to have perspective on your high school friends when that's all you've known. Sometimes you get out in the world and realize they are all slugs.

Hang around more high quality, accomplished people and less of them will have this trait.

Whitefarmer · 2020-04-30T14:57:31+00:00

Alpha is likeable AF but have the balls to be the asshole to put someone in place or stick up for someone who needs help or shame someone who letting themselves go. All in all can control himself

DrJamming · 2020-04-30T18:38:22+00:00

Dude, you sound like you could be my best bud with that honesty and holding your convictions.

As for males - yeah, you have to go on a limb to make friends. One thing i noticed in life - it's the poor, and lowly who understand camraderie, compassion and friendship. The higher the ladder you go, the more it's about power games in one form or another. If you look like a player you are naturally deemed as such, just as if I had a mohawk I would not be deemed a theatre goer. Obviously logically one does not mean the other, but generalizations are there.

It is very hard to believe that an alpha chad wants to be friends sincerely and not for some power play (ugly guy next to you makes you stand out even more), and females will do their darnest to make it even harder on you. Women will use you (or them) to incite jeleaousy, they will portray you in worse ways possible (classical "my bf is a huge jerk" bs sold to betas), and try to control your relations with other males.

Adapt "bros over hoes" mentality. It'll be very hard to truly break the ice with another dude, but actions speak louder then words. In time you may get a true friend - don't lose him, these things are worth their weight in gold if not more.

Edit:

To find true & blue friends try checking the "weirdo" isle. If you hold your beliefs that aren't mainstream and are a Chad, then you're an "asshole". If you do the same while not being a Chad then you're weird and creepy. These labels are often enough stamped on very good ppl who like you have their own values and beliefs and don't bend over to pressure of society. Often enough to warrant personal inquisition into the matter, rather then believing word of often deceptive and venomous mouth. If they're really just messed up, next'em. But if not, you may have a true buddy material.

amwfhunter · 2020-04-30T15:10:41+00:00

Alpha and likeable are not antonymous. Perhaps you need to branch out and find men who are similar to you. Iron sharpens iron. When you hang around equally successful men or men more successful than you. Just always strive to improve and learn from these men but also understand what you can bring to the group and they can learn from you also. Guys who legitimately have your back and could help you, vice versa in times of need. This is healthy .

Just don't fall into the same trap of being resentful and jealous when in company of such men. That is being true beta.

MikalCartier · 2020-04-30T18:51:48+00:00

It’s definitely not you, it’s your friends they’re betas that act out of a scarcity mindset which is why they treat you the way they do, In their heads your out to get them by stealing their girls or any attention they think they could get from them even though that just isn’t the case, and instead of trying to better themselves they think they can just X you out and problem solved. My advice to you is raise your standards of friendship and try to distance yourself from any people that give off the type of energy they do. True Alphas are better off hanging around other Alphas.

Not saying you need to completely cut them off because their your friends and I get that but you should look for others that share you ideals and aren’t gonna get their panties in a bunch when they see you getting attention from females.

Noodlesoupe2 · 2020-04-30T19:02:41+00:00

Jealousy is a disease. As long as you don’t show your power level in public and act too cocky I’d say it’s their problem not yours.

EdvardMunch · 2020-04-30T19:49:35+00:00

I think it will have to eventually become more subtle. As women typically crave emotional support that gets wrapped up in false examples of feminism (see those "the take" videos on youtube), we will continue towards any sign of success or ability as a man as a threat. Women want to beat you often, but when they do they're bored. That's the name of the game. Some guys say "hey beat me, i'm all yours" and those are your beta types.

Truthfully we may all be getting used to some degree no matter what you do or who you are. We have way to much information at our disposal now and it seems to make us crazy. We have more cliches than ever now, or at least we believe we do. You see a guy with a pussy hat and you probably think you have him completely mapped out but it's not the case fundamentally. A guy built huge or good looking isn't automatically a dick, though they might be able to get away with it, it doesn't mean that they are a dick.

It's almost as if we continue to try and lower the chances of us ever having to deal with pain. We really need to focus on lower our attachments to things because that is what causes it. I don't see how it's seemingly sexist now to date a lot of woman if you're being honest with them about your intentions or what you're doing. If a woman played the field she'd be applauded as a feminist hero.

rickit3k · 2020-04-30T18:52:02+00:00

You need to meet other Alphas. It's a common misconception, that alpha+alpha male means conflict. The opposite is true. Mutual respect is the base for great male friendships.

AJ_KG_JG · 2020-04-30T19:36:23+00:00

I've found that if you have positive traits which cause both admiration and jealousy ("unhappy admiration"), it is of extreme benefit to develop your ability to be an asshole/hardass. For the majority of my life I (both consciously and unconsciously) followed the path of being a "nice guy" and not retaliating when wronged. It was inculcated into me during childhood and reinforced by society later in life. However, it never really "worked" for me, in that being nice and conciliatory never stopped people from attacking me and never really earned people's respect. However, I almost immediately got positive results after I tried a new way: If you cross me, I will retaliate as appropriate. People no longer saw me as a soft target, I got more respect, and had to deal with less shit. Perhaps more importantly, my self confidence, self esteem, etc. went up. I was no longer nervous about social interactions, because I knew I could handle myself.

Basically, having admirable/enviable traits will make some people want to attack you, and being seen as soft/vulnerable will give them the green light to do so. Remove that perception of softness and people will be deterred from attacking you.

Lalocal4life · 2020-04-30T19:21:28+00:00

Likeable is subjective. Hooking up with someone else's significant other is not "alpha". A conversation with the man who "thinks" he is in a relationship with her is "alpha behavior ". I have spent 5 days a week in various gyms for years... I have been deployed for combat REPEATEDLY! I own and often ride the biggest road glide harley Davidson's makes.. Yet NOT A SINGLE MAN I KNOW, has referred to himself as alpha.

zeekt12 · 2020-04-30T20:16:32+00:00

Yupp, same thing happened to me after i lost weight, quit porn/excessive masturbation, and gained muscle.

A lot of the people that knew you when you were at your lowest/beta will try to keep you there while new people you meet will respect you for who you truly are.

Vyergulf · 2020-04-30T19:17:35+00:00

I consider myself an Empath Alpha. I have lines of women at any time waiting for a chance, but I am far to empathetic and actively try to be kind. Kindness while not allowing yourself to be walked all over is highly alpha and can get you far more women than the stereotypical alpha gym bro type. I find it really confuses women to discover this man who can toss them around like a rag doll is also a decent and considerate man.

cuztrp · 2020-04-30T20:41:55+00:00

Actually people like you I'd like to befriend and people like your friend in the bar and some of my friends I'd like to stay away from.

I'm by no means an athlete, I'm as average as average could get, face, body fat percentage and everything. I look okay and I have my way with women through a lot of training in my game. I'm working out recently and I really want to to build a stronger body.

I have a colleague of mine who's in my opinion a straight fucking 10/10. He's jacked as FUCK, tall and his face is really beautiful. He looks like he could knock you out with one punch but he turned out the coolest and most chill person in the office. We've instantly become friends and we hanged out over beers a few times and we had nights where we approached girls and he wingmanned me.

Why wasn't I threatened by him and in the opposite I befriended him? Because I know that that guy has gone through a lot of pain and patience to reach that body. I know that he takes his job seriously and never let me down when I asked for his help. And most importantly, Jesus fuck, he's just polite. He'd never really tease even jokingly and he never insults or whatever. He's like a good boy with guys but a Chad thunderrock with gals.

Anyways. What I'm trying to tell you is that not all the guys will feel threatened by you. I'm average and some guys still get threatened by me so don't worry about it. If you're good in something, people will naturally envy you and if some will join you to harness each other's powers.

For example, my colleague and I spent hours talking about fitness-related topics and even developed a workout for me in calisthenics. We've also talked about girls a lot and the funny thing is that a guy with that SMV can still get dumped by a basic hoe.

cfbovernfl · 2020-04-30T18:04:32+00:00

You're probably just being overly abrasive and coming off as a dick. The alpha guys I knew in HS, the guys who don't wtf reddit is, the "naturals".. they were some of the most popular guys in the grade. Definitely no lack of male friends.

KingsVictory19 · 2020-04-30T21:04:45+00:00

Be prepared to never have a friend again unless he has the same goals as you and the both of you aren't too intimidated by each other and/or seeking dominance so hard core (insecurity) that you cant become bros because you're too busy sizing each other up. Of course your friend is jealous of you. However, I would not hate him for it. Whether you want to call it a weakness or just a simple lack of interest but, not everyone can live like you. It's time to make new friends. This is why I wanted to be a SEAL as a teenager. I wanted to be around like-minded men. While everyone treated me as they treat you, I was just wanted to be a part of a brotherhood.

dusara217 · 2020-04-30T21:14:31+00:00

You need new friends, man. If your friends are immature, weak, and envious, then they're going to do what immature, weak, envious people do. Make friends with men that have their shit together, and are wise/ have life experience/do hard shit.

spartanblood1 · 2020-05-01T00:27:05+00:00

I'm in the same case as you, over the months I started to get a lot of female attention. Obviously my friends have noticed my SMV has risen and I don't know what it is, but all of sudden they communicate and hang out with me less. Pretty shit how it works but what can you do

2020-05-01T03:06:09+00:00

Yo you sound like the kind of guy I'd want to hang out with. Lmao

I've had this shit happen a bunch to me. It's the way of the world.

For me, it was that I had an LTR who was exclusive to me but I had sex with 25 other girls while with her (she knew and was okay with it). I was young so I didn't know how to "hide" that from friends and shit, so more people knew about it than I would have liked (not the exact # or anything, but that I had an LTR and rampantly hit on other girls and often slept with them). The hordes of betas could not comprehend how I could possibly do that, so they just hated me instead and thought I must be "manipulative." Nope. Just know how to get what I want.

WIA20XX · 2020-04-30T16:07:52+00:00

Sorry to hear.

This isn't something where you can just change your in the moment behavior, and everyone else will calm down.

You'll have to change crowds - which obviously leads to other problems.

OfficerWade · 2020-04-30T20:49:10+00:00

The only person who has to like you... is you. If you see it from their eyes that you’re people pleasing just stop and say oh, I’m doing that silly thing again. But don’t be judgmental.

On the other side if you’re going to be hateful and vicious do it consciously without hiding it.

I’ve been going to this men’s group for a couple months and one of the members were mentioning how every spiritual leader or coach tells you to be kind, be gentle, be god fearing, etc etc. he said ever since he started calling people fuckers, assholes and every other nasty name he’s felt a lot better because he wasn’t denying his feelings or his thoughts.

Obviously you don’t wanna say these things to your boss or a cop but I think you don’t need me to tell you that. Just keep doing what you’re doing but do it with another purpose.

tommybahama66666 · 2020-04-30T21:53:43+00:00

I feel you bro. For me i feel like its really ahed to find other alpha dudes who are chill. Im always jealous of groups like that. Right now i have like two friends and both are pretty beta. I think it takes time and people will realize that ur chill af and u will be good.

manfrombelow · 2020-04-30T22:08:08+00:00

You have to accept that it's natural to gain A and lose B. You CAN'T have both.

Who gives a fuck if you're not liked by betas? They hate you and feel threatened by you, that's THEIR problem, not YOURS.

Real bros support you to get what you want, not playing the hypocrite cards to drag you down with them.

Like another bro has said in this topic: Your success breeds envy and hatred in others, especially betas. That's something you just have to deal with by leaving them behind.

manfrombelow · 2020-04-30T22:16:18+00:00

And yes, OP should befriend other alphas.

Brushyourteethm8 · 2020-04-30T22:24:41+00:00

I have ditched 2 groups of guys mates in the last 18 months due to this (I'm married but working out a lot and having steadily been getting more and more IOIs over the last couple of years).

Just let them fall away is my advice. I've ditched 6-7 in one group and 2-3 in the other. I gave them a few chances but once it became clear that they were resisting my changes then they needed to go - don't compromise or change for anyone except yourself.

It was pretty much how you described - not inviting me to stuff, bitching, quiet words with me about my new 'twatty attitude' etc - basically hamster ridden crab in a bucket behaviour.

I just left one group chat and muted the other. Nothing needs saying, you just need to drop the established social dynamic that the group has fallen into and set out on your own.

To be honest it has been a bit lonely in sometimes and I have met several of the guys individually or in smaller groups but not en masse and only the guys who have not been bitches.

By ditching them it has freed up time to do my own stuff and meet new people. This has been a slow process and it needs to be as I've been vetting everybody. If they don't add positively to my life, if they cause drama or are toxic in any way then they don't get a spot. Some are new people and some are the best from previous friendship groups

It has been a long and slow process but the friendships that I've now built are with decent guys who just get it. Some I hear from more often than others and we have different stuff in common.

I have a new 'best mate' who I knew from before but your relationships change for the better when you put yourself first and cut away the shit.

communistcontrolact · 2020-04-30T22:25:09+00:00

Let those jealous betas crumble. Fuck em

VigilantSmartbomb · 2020-05-01T00:04:44+00:00

By transcending the game and being omega- You *cant help* that they throw themselves at you. You're just you.

I only play "the game" when I want to but I'm also familiar with MGTOW and tbh I'd assume that attracts the "best" females because you dont care so much about the game you focus on yourself and life as a whole and thats attractive.

Jus my thoughts on how to be alpha and still keep friends and still attract quality females.

lilcofe · 2020-05-01T00:19:44+00:00

Short answer: Charm, charisma, and humor.

I can say from experience humor is the best way to put anybody at ease. That doesn’t mean making yourself the target of a joke, though. When situations become tense, use your wit and just take the piss out of everything. Men and and women alike will respect that you have the balls to call out nonsense and appreciate that only didn’t make things more awkward, but also made it fun/playful.

Filmguy000 · 2020-05-01T01:13:43+00:00

Have a backbone. Value yourself. And be chill. Trifecta of the the likable alpha.

UnbreakableButts · 2020-05-01T03:17:58+00:00

I'll be your friend bro

Masterdoubt360 · 2020-05-01T05:26:43+00:00

We'll...Maybe it's just because you're ugly.

seducter · 2020-05-01T05:51:18+00:00

A lot of great comments here but figured I would add my 2 cents. I have this theory, based on life experience, that friendships are based on convenience. For example, you go to the same school, work at the same job, etc.

But when one moves away, the friendship naturally ends. Same with if you change too much from your existing friends. I was in your spot and had to ultimately ditch the friends because they were unwilling to see beyond their bias that I was a fuckboy. They would cockblock when a woman showed interest "you might need to take a number, he's got a few girls on the go tonight." Of course I knew that just made me look more attractive to the woman, but I could see what they were trying to do out of jealousy.

As sad as it sounds, nowadays when I see a group of guys walking around, I feel like they are only friends because they can't get laid.

burnerkidtalin · 2020-05-01T06:22:52+00:00

I dealt with practically the same things as you. There already has been great advice on this thread, but I will add that self improvement and just growing more masculine traits by around age 20 made me more attractive physically. My self esteem trailed behind, and I thought that something might not be right with me when in fact other men treated me differently because I posed a very real threat. I was always and still am a really kind generous guy. Find men better than you that have mastered their egos and you will not feel like you must walk on eggshells. Some people were always fated to be your enemies or simply nothing to you.

morphite65 · 2020-05-01T06:26:59+00:00

I have a good friend, great guy who's always got my back, who's a "natural alpha" and honestly I can only hang around him for limited amounts of time. I just feel like he's condescending all the time although I don't think he sees it that way. It's just gonna be lonely at the top I guess.

cafeitalia · 2020-05-01T07:24:34+00:00

Don't shit where you eat. Hooking up with someone's gf in your friends circle is not alpha. It shows you are a pussy chaser simple as that. Go find girls outside of your circle. Easier to fuck, easier to dump.

shvmir · 2020-05-01T20:42:13+00:00

The more successful you become there's going to be more people that like you and dislike you. When you are on the path to greatness more people ARE going to dislike you, it's just reality. A lot of people think you can be successful and have 0 haters but that's just blue-pilled as fuck. Think about somebody successful like Drake who has millions of fans but also has thousands of people who shit on him and his music.

Rivaria90 · 2020-05-07T11:32:33+00:00

go on a journey/mission to become the best possible version of yourself, along the way you will drop friends and make new ones, ones that matter. Put yourself first but in a way that doesn't put anyone else down, you are responsible for your own happiness and well being, if you are a true alpha then you don't give a shit if you are likeable to others cause in the end you love yourself, doing this you will attract the right things in life that you deserve, good luck mate and god bless.

DigitalDragonSlayer · 2020-05-31T04:24:19+00:00

Stop being a fagooot OP

dlabsx · 2020-08-10T20:28:08+00:00

He was punching me in the ribs calling me stupid but to me it was a translation for “I’m angry that you got so much attention and I can’t get that”

lmao

TheBlockedUser · 2020-04-30T19:32:32+00:00

[deleted]

masterpiece00 · 2020-05-01T07:01:12+00:00

So my question is how do you be Chad

Sorry kid, but you are a beta.

Title	How to be Alpha AND likeable?
Author	whereabouts11
Upvotes	135
Comments	79
Date	April 30, 2020 2:34 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/gawryu/how_to_be_alpha_and_likeable/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-to-be-alpha-and-likeable.658331 https://theredarchive.com/post/658331

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