Is there hope?

Brickles09 · 2018-12-22T22:58:00+00:00

GYM, it makes everything right. Give it a try.

hatethiscity · 2018-12-22T23:01:48+00:00

It seems like you complied a list of a ton of things you can start working on. You're right, at the moment you are a loser, but you don't have to be one forever. It will take time, but start changing things on your list one thing at a time. Take a driver's ed course, start going to the gym daily, and stop smoking. For now just get the gym part of your daily life and the cigarettes out the window, start tackling the other issues after some time.

Casd12 · 2018-12-22T23:42:17+00:00

damn thats a lot of problems lmao, how fast you recover really depends on how bad you want to recover.

Here's my tips:

Stop smoking immediately and start vaping, way less damaging than smoking.
Get a base job, doesnt have to be a good one, and look for other better jobs on the side.
Once you have some income, fuck a hooker to take that pussy off the pedestal. Talk to chicks when you get any opportunities.
Start lifting immediately
Change up your diet to a healthy one, google search some healthy meals
Start meditating so you wont freak out in a car.
Start reading self improvement books.

shootstuff4fun · 2018-12-22T22:50:13+00:00

Start on becoming the best version of yourself that you can possibly be. Yeah you have a long way to go but as you start improving, success will follow. Instead of being down about things, do something about it.

apost54 · 2018-12-22T23:57:36+00:00

2/3 of your life left?

Pretty sure there’s hope bro

QawL · 2018-12-22T23:00:20+00:00

There is always a hope. I can write paragraphs about what to do but already, you know what is wrong, what needs to be fixed.

Good.

Just start from somewhere. It will feel like nothing is changing and one day you wake up and see everything is changed. Even a little bit change is good. Start small, build it up like a snowball. And most importantly, believe in yourself that you can.

Tjommas · 2018-12-23T00:25:26+00:00

There is hope, but you have a fucking hard way to go! You will hate the progress, you'll cry out of frustration, you'll want to quit and throw a fucking glass to the wall and smash it. But you will also get high on your own confidence, you will laugh so loud from a joke people turn their heads and admire you because you have the balls to drop the "social mask" and you'll be euphoric through every fibre in your body.

You HAVE TO START SMALL. Read that again, don't go straight into 4 or even 3 day program workout program at the gym.

Begin with 10 pushups, 10 squats 10 situps etc at home. Clean a small part of your place (only desk, table etc.) Feeling you can do 15? 20? Vacuum the floor? Good! Do it! Use momentum. Build on it, expand when you feel like it, after a while you'll want to expand when you don't feel like it, because fuck the comfort zone.

Clean up your diet, stay sober, start socializing with people, remember baby steps.

And I would say the 2 most important things: #1 Do. Not. Give. Up. If you fuck up BREATHE. Slowly. Cry if you need to, scream, do not take drugs, do not give up. #2 Do not focus on all the negative shit leading up to your life to this day. I swear the only thing they will do is make you doubt yourself, NOTHING ELSE. Listen to me, I've been a lost soul. Life can be a fucking beautiful experience. Getting there is so hard it's unreal, and a slow process. But if you work on it and don't give up it's more worth the work than you can fathom right now.

I believe in you, you post here because you want to make it happen. Take the first baby step right now, clean some shit off your desk, pick some shit up from the floor, I hope you will one day send me a pm saying you've had one of those moments of euphoria and realized, holy shit this is worth it. Until I get a pm from you, I wish you the very best!

wildrobbie87 · 2018-12-22T23:58:57+00:00

The hard shit answer as to why you feel this shit is because you finally realise how behind you are in your life progression and you are having trouble processing&accepting that you are behind in life compared to others.

Go to the gym and start lifting - 4 sets of 12-15 reps for 5 months..ending with light cardio whilst eating the foods that only humans can grow and proud using our hands. use google to find out what can be hand prepared.

Dont let your ego get to you and think you can run away from a bad diet or show big muscles without high reps. Work at gym in the right way and in 5 months, your hard work will reflect the true value and respect for your body. Its really hard to reject tasty junk food & smoking but you have to respect your own body and avoid this instant stimulation boost.

As a result, when people see this newer improved body-image, it will stimulate the subconcious mental triggers that you are someone that values their life and their dedication to life because you cant cheat at time taken to take care of your body. From this point, people will want to stop you to talk to you and thus, this will result in you becoming happier as you will have friends and less time to think about being sad. In the end, it will be easier for you pass an interview and be hired for a job.

frontyer0077 · 2018-12-23T00:26:45+00:00

Your biggest issue is your anxieties, fears and lack pf confidence. I would honestly start seeing a psychologist. And you also seem to know what else need improving. Start with one of them and work your way up. It will take time, and it will be hard, but it will also start making you feel better from day one.

omega_dawg93 · 2018-12-23T00:38:34+00:00

first, you're a man and no one gives a fuck about your struggles.

girls don't wanna hear about your issues at all. they get made-up, wear sexy clothes and wait at the finish line to fuck the winners.

as stated, get in the gym but get your hormones checked first. after that, grab a dictionary and find the word, "confidence."

OliverDixon · 2018-12-23T02:22:13+00:00

Stop beating yourself up first of all, grow some confidence, read self help books like “no more mr. nice guy” and read all the suggested reading in the TRP side bar. If you have a High school diploma or equivalent I’d think you could get a decent job, I’m from America and lived here my whole life and I’ve worked for as much as $17.50 an hour with just a diploma. Definitely start hitting the gym, like ever other comment, start slow with low weight and work your way up 5X5 StrongLifts is a great place to start, just go to their website and check it out, it’s easy to follow and it starts you on low weights and builds you up from there. Don’t worry too much about the masters degree either, most people don’t work in the field or industry in which they studied at university anyways. Lastly the issues with being underweight, pale, puking etc. find a chiropractor in your area, I’m not sure how prevalent chiropractors are in EU but they’re great if you can start going to one, and see a nutritionist to help get your nutrition right, a healthy diet i’snt always enough but it definitely helps. And you should definitely do that, Seeing a nutritionist will set you ahead. Getting enough healthy fats in your diet is important. Read the book “Perfect Health Diet”, it’s written by 2 PHDs and it says that basically paleo is the best diet for health but has a shit load more interesting facts about diet and nutrition too. You should make sure you’re getting enough protein in your diet as well but you only need 1.2Grams of protein per kilogram of body weight. I used to smoke and I know where you’re coming from, it’s hard to quit but now I vape and I have been for about 4 years now, it tastes better, I feel better when I wake up and don’t stink of cigs. So find the closest vape shop and start vaping a good setup for a beginner shouldn’t be more than $60 you could even order online, my “daily driver” right now is the lost vape Orion which is a small discreet device that puts out a lot like a cig. I’ve worked at two different vape shops and it shouldn’t be too expensive for you start with a “pod” device which is what the Orion is, I’d recommend buying “premium juice” instead of juice people make in they’re shop Bc the quality varies between shops and some people out stupid, unhealthy shit in the juice and high quality house made juice is few and far between. I’d start with an 18miligram nicotine if you can find it, it’s not so common anymore you’ll definitely find 3, 6, 35, maybe 45 and 50. I wouldn’t go over 35 and there are 2 kinda of nicotine “free base” and “nicotine salts” google it. Basically get your diet and nutrition right, start vaping and start hitting the gym, Finnish out your masters degree Bc you’ll get a since of accomplishment for finishing it and it’ll look good on a resume no matter what the job you’re applying for. Get a decent job while your in school and if you can take online classes in STEM, which stands for science, Technology, engineering, math. Those are the fields that make you the most money and if you can get into any of that and be at least decent at it you’ll make plenty of money. Also realize that most people, university degree or not make around $80,000 a year and that’s a man and woman bringing money in for the household, or at least that’s the norm in America so if you can shoot to make $100,000 a year or more and fall at $80,000 then that’s still great you’re doing good for a single guy.
Bottom line Hit the gym See a chiropractor and a nutritionist Read books Get your diet right Start vaping Study people that you think are charismatic, charming, etc. the kind of guys you would call Alpha and learn, and read everything red pill has to offer. Read perfect health diet and no more me. Nice guy those are a great start for understanding diet and your worth and overcoming any emotional junk you have to start living a more mentally healthy life Oh and most importantly drink plenty of water and set a sleep schedule for yourself. Most people need at least 8 hours of sleep and any sleep before midnight is higher quality. 1 hour of sleep before 12 is worth 2 hours after.

Sorry for such a long comment but I like to think I’m smart, haha good luck

SSJay2 · 2018-12-23T00:13:16+00:00

If you get joy from smoking, don't give it up just yet. Start rolling your own cigarettes with organic tobacco. It's healthier and will give you a sense of accomplishment. Naturally, you'll also start smoking less. Treat smoking like a hobby and in time you won't feel the draw by not associating smoking with issues. As mentioned above, lift! Also, there are lots of positive results with VitD supplementation and depression.

BostonT00 · 2018-12-23T00:15:35+00:00

Go to the gym.
Lift weights to exhaustion.
Repeat.

Stop overthinking everything. You owe it to yourself to be in incredible shape at least once in your life, everything else will fall into place after this. Make your next heavy lift your oneitis. There is hope.

RedPillAlphaBigCock · 2018-12-23T00:22:25+00:00

YES there is hope. Think right now you are 30. You have a job, a car, a girlfriend and good health and energy and have some hobbies, passion work and some money.

Rewind. How do you do that? ONE RITUAL / HABIT AT A TIME. Start with good food, sleep and lift weights. Each one of those helps EVERY ASPECT OF YOUR LIFE.

Mediate and contemplate your ideal life and mission for 10 mins EVERY DAY.

Then read and progress SLOWLY BUT SURELY. YOU CAN DO IT 100% SURE YOU CAN DO THIS IN 3 YEARS. 30 is still young. Go through the pain and you will be great.

Use your failures as emotional leverage and motivation.

Andgelyo · 2018-12-23T00:46:09+00:00

You have two options:

Give up and keep falling into this vicious cycle and eventually dying as a nobody who never amounted to anything with his life.

or

Wake up, identify your problems, develop a plan of action, consistently follow through and achieve success and happiness with your life.

The choice is yours, every waking minute is time that you will never get back.

pennynotrcutt · 2018-12-23T01:15:37+00:00

If you have Amazon Prime there is a free book that you can get called “Daily Routine Makeover” that walks you through small steps day by day to change your habits.

icecruzader · 2018-12-23T02:02:50+00:00

Look up premeditación of fears. Learn to meditate and quite the monkey mind. Lift. Make a schedule and stick to it.

From the top:

Girls have no idea how big your dick is or how many people you've been with till you tell them or it's 'too late' for them. You don't even know how big or small you actually are since you've never been with a girl. Get out of your head. They won't find out till you give it a shot and anything that you think will be their reaction is mental masturbation. Fear is bull shit. It should be your motivation. If you are going to take one takeaway from this please, do one thing every day that sacres you.

It's going to be a hard thing to find a job YOU Fucking love. What are you expecting? Maybe 20% of people find great jobs. 5% jobs they love. Sure you should strive for the best possible scenario but just find some way to feed yourself and use your free time to grow as a person and enjoy life. If you were useless stop. Be useful. Ask yourself how you can add value. If you feel bad, feel through it. You won't love it just because. Your hate makes you heavy and slow. Being happy is a choice, you can't expect things to show up and just make you happy. Your not a child, your mom isn't going to come and try to cheer you up. All the pussy in the world won't change that. Make yourself happy. Smile, and fake it till you make it.

Fuck your old friends man. The ones you have now you might want to leave since they are part of what's keeping you complacent and in your groove. You are like the nearest 5 people to you. If you want to change fast change who you surround yourself with and don't feel bad to have to learn. Changing will literally hurt because part of your brain has to rewire itself. Your brains reward systems are all fucked and it takes effort and repetition repetition repetition to rewire them. You think and belive you are someone. That person has to die and you need to understand its just a version of you. It's like breaking the shell of who you really are. 'what if I can't?' go fucking find out. If it sacres you good, that's how you know its the right direction.

Car, go see a shrink. You want practical advice? It's only useful if you do it. Start by gradually working up the courage. Buy a toy car and have it on sight. Picture yourself inside and remember you can be OK inside. Repeat over and over. Touch a car. Then sit in a still car. Then sit in a driver seat. You have to rewire your neural pathways. It's not going to happen after doing it once. There's no one time fix unless you go to a really good hypnotist. Find expats in the country you're in and learn the fucking language. Yeah you can wallow in how you should have done it before or you could just do it instead. Get out of your head. Download duplinguo and set a fixed time to do it.

Smoking, the best way to stop an addiction is just thinking about how it makes you feel while you are doing it. Don't stress but don't be afraid to throw the cigarette you are smoking when you feel it's nasty mid smoke. Remember you are rewiring your brain,its going to take time and effort. YOU are the only thing you have, nothing else. The feeling of having a cigarette in your brain is a false positive, your brain associates it with best feeding. It's called oral fixation.

Go get a tan. Anywhere, you need some vitamin c. Just use the time you will spend learning to meditate and get a tan while you do it. Meditate in the sun with no shirt. Two birds with one stone.

Fix your diet, it's a part of lifting. Go lift. That's the only way to fix being underweight.

Your new day: Wake up at 6, set three alarms one for 5:55 6:00 and 6:05

Make you bed first thing so you can't go back to sleep, clean your room.

Do 5 sit ups, 5 push ups and 5 squats. Increase day by day. It gets your blood flowing, hormones pumping and body awake.

Meditate for 5 minutes. You should eventually get to do 30 minutes a day on avredge if you want any real results but you have to start somewhere. Watch YT videos on it.

Start a Bullet Journal with your daily goals. Have things to do, this will let you be more productive. Letting you make your goals into more than jsu dreams of thoughts. Anything you think you want write down for the month. At the end of the month whatever still matters to you move on to the next month. Anything you don't write down is just mental masturbation.

Finish this by 7:30-8:00. Having 4 things to do every morning is the easiest way to train your discipline. Just take it day by day. Every day you are working to break the shit-shell of the person you thought you were. Make whoever you will be after that. Take your time.

Instead of watching YouTube videos about gaming or whatever use this:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1QHqMM1VOzP9RhNQinHpF7xzPWQrQG_nydnI7VIxg1EM/edit?usp=drivesdk

I'll be adding to it as I read more.

Also learn about the things I talked about, meditation, dropping addiction, bullet journaling, working out and social circle.

Ive trained myself to watch videos at x2 speed so it's not ridiculous to spend 8 hours on a book but seeing as how you have nothing better to do yet just change you information consumption. It's the difrence between growing and rotting.

To answer your question, you have hope. Does it matter, not if you don't change.

roughback · 2018-12-23T02:38:01+00:00

In addition to all the other stellar advice offered, I'd add this: change one thing at a time. Once you've made that change and over time it becomes an effortless habit, move onto the next. Think marathon, not sprint - and definitely not a race.

imtheoneimmortal · 2018-12-23T02:43:26+00:00

You know what to do to be happy but you do other things If in your head doing sports make you happy do it Don’t stay at morning thinking about cigarettes or sleeping in evening

IFuckingHateAllergy · 2018-12-23T03:54:21+00:00

Why is it that most of the people with issues, their main issue is their mentality? If you wanted to succeed as bad as you wanna breathe, then there's nowhere else to go but succeed.

The very first thing to change is your mentality. Work on that.

[deleted] · 2018-12-23T07:10:38+00:00

Now i know what i need to do to be happy and normal. Quit smoking, exercise, meditate, eat healthy, sleep normal, learn some new skills, etc.

Then DO IT! It's not easy. Nothing is easy. Start today. Force yourself to start! Channel the anger you have for yourself into doing it.

furcryingoutloud · 2018-12-23T07:23:43+00:00

"If you think you can do it, you're right"

"If you think you can't do it, you're right"

-- Henry Ford

Read your own post and feel how negative you are about everything. The first thing you have to do is to teach yourself that you actually CAN do things. You do this by accomplishing small tasks, like most people here are telling you. The GYM is the best place to do this.

You have two arms, two legs, a brain and the rest of your body. Right there you are ahead of many. Begin by taking stock of what you have. You'll be surprised at how much better you feel if you do this.

Basically, YOU decide how you're going to feel about everything. So stop making negative decisions.

UncleChido · 2018-12-23T07:38:08+00:00

Go to the gym and start lifting immediately. Lifting is the first commandment here. It’s not really about big muscles but your body releases feel good hormones (I think they’re called endorphins) after working out and you also get bigger muscles. Also improve your diet henceforth. You can’t overtrain a poor diet. Start today. I promise you would feel better after each session and notice improvement in 2 weeks.

Edit: get a hooker to give you great sex so you can get that out of the window.

mozofila · 2018-12-23T08:54:19+00:00

“It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything.”
lift and eat healthy - this is a solid base for what you want to achieve.

As-You-Were · 2018-12-23T09:58:38+00:00

I don’t think there is any hope for you. Not because of your circumstance, but because of your attitude. Change that and check back in.

CookieAdmiral · 2018-12-23T10:19:46+00:00

Just imagine yourself in 1 year if you use the general advice that is given to you here.

PurpleSweetz · 2018-12-23T14:40:56+00:00

Gym and diet plus time equals a ton of confidence. Trust me, I went from zero to hero (not entirely 0 to 100 but like 30 to 70) from a few months at the gym with a strict diet.

Also, maybe see a therapist and psych. You may be depressed or something dude.

circlingldn · 2018-12-23T22:48:24+00:00

Complete your degree

2.Formulate a plan, look for a career that gets you interacting with single women and can lead to a high status position, for example hospital work, pilot, bartender, hotel management,

start taking notice of what career you want,

You need to figure out hobbies that have single women go to them, gym classes are better than going to the gym for that reason(can be done as cardio atleast 1x a week), you can make a group of friends from going to the same gym class for 1 year.

Your social skills are extremely poor, you need to research and write down proper social skills, im not talking about the easy, hey hi stuff, im talking about dynamic interactions in groups, so ie once you find a group of guys, figuring out what to do whilst seeming spontaneous

ill add to this later

randarrow · 2018-12-22T23:32:45+00:00

First thing first, say something nice about yourself and your situation. Give us something to work with.

I would start with working on your sleep. If you are wakingn up miserable, you are doing something wrong. Is your bed bad? Noisy room mates? Too much light? Caffeine late at night? You not putting down devices before bed time?

Rkingpin · 2018-12-22T23:55:00+00:00

It's good you realise you're in a pathetic state.

Take a good look at yourself in the mirror, decide you're going to start taking life by it's balls.

Build discipline and good habits (gym, diet, studies)

Remember you will die one day (memento mori)

PappaSmurfAndTurf · 2018-12-23T00:04:05+00:00

start vaping. I know it’s not perfect, but my lungs are better, I don’t smell, and it’s cheaper.

319Skew · 2018-12-23T00:04:17+00:00

You listed every reason why you suck and everyone here will tell you things that seem fairly simple but for you it's a world of effort. I get it.

Here's the thing. Your post screams 'woe is me' and you need to get the fuck out of that mindset. Seriously. Do ONE fucking thing for yourself and start small each time adding ONE other small thing.

No one is born with a six figure bank account, a twelve inch dick, perfect SAT scores and loved by everyone. No one knows everything and can master anything with no effort. It takes time and dedication. Fuck it. It takes pain sometimes.

The difference between those that do and those that don't is that they're determined to sacrifice and struggle for it. If you can't do either ask yourself why and what's holding you back and crush it.

So your question; is there hope? Well, that depends on you. Are you willing to sacrifice and struggle?

Nothing you've listed is permanent or that debilitating to be frank. You just have a hell of a handicap.

GetMeLaidAlot · 2018-12-23T00:24:19+00:00

Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Own your problems. They are what they are. You're a loser for as long as you act like one. It's pretty simple. Just get to work. Like you said. You know what you need to do. Just do it. It's that simple. And with your smoking addiction, you want to quit right? You eventually will because you want it out of your life. Everyday with it is just another day wasted of you putting off the inevitable.

trele_morele · 2018-12-23T00:49:41+00:00

Drink lots of water. It'll hydrate you, flush out the junk and help you think clearly. Then start working on changing your attitude, you need a new perspective

I3onerPunch · 2018-12-23T01:04:51+00:00

Start facing your smaller fears one by one (quit smoking, get used to driving. Etc.) and before you know it you'll have the confidence to tackle the more serious problems. Your mindset needs to change before you try anything else though.

Edit: For the smoking bit aside from the fact that I was absolutely sick of feeling like shit everytime I smoked, start working out hard to sweat out the nicotine and also stock up on minty flavored gum and chew it everytime you have a craving to trick your body into thinking you're using something menthol flavored. (Preferably get something sugar free and teeth whitening because you're going to go through a lot.)

TheUnsteadyDonut · 2018-12-23T01:09:03+00:00

Man, I could tell you a million things on how to improve. But it won't work. Read (or listen) "Can't hurt me" by David Goggings. Trust me

volvostupidshit · 2018-12-23T01:22:14+00:00

Congratulations you just found your missions! Start working on them now.

BusterVadge · 2018-12-23T01:23:19+00:00

Looking at this post and your comments on it, you're the king of excuses.

No more excuses. Own your shit. Realize that you and you alone are responsible for your shitty life, and you're responsible to change it.

Your new life starts now, step by step. Join a gym. Who gives a fuck if you can't do pushups or run. Start slow... Track your progress with pen and paper until you're able to lift an average amount.

99% or your problems are mental. Seek therapy if you can, if you can't just take action and put your fear in the back of your mind.

[deleted] · 2018-12-23T01:50:37+00:00

Stop complaining. That's one thing. Another thing is to act. You think you need to do something in order to get better? Then do it. You can procrastinate like all the other losers and blame it on somebody/something else, but all men should own their mistakes and bad behaviours and should only blame themselves for that.

[deleted] · 2018-12-23T03:56:55+00:00

Chicken Soup for the Soul, it's a good book, don't worry about the side bar or women until you've got your life in order (which you will). You're still in your 20's. If you are worried about career prospects go into sales (check the sales subreddit, sort by top or all time) and work your ass off. It'll make you a better person.

58021 · 2018-12-23T04:12:37+00:00

Get a juul instead of smoking cigs. Go to the gym and do what you can. Maybe get a warehouse job so you can get in better shape.

playingpoodles · 2018-12-23T05:39:26+00:00

Stop being nice to people - focus on being disagreeable (which is not the same as antisocial, it means get other people to seek to build rapport with you not the other way around)
Don't give anything to girls until they give something to you (ie. don't pay for anything, give compliments, etc)
Self-esteem is persistent not global - if yours sucks it would take years, probably decades to recover - and most people probably stay in the downer. But it's not permanent, in other words, take 100 people, some of those who were doing great mentally will be doing shit in 20 years, and some doing rubbish now will swap places with them.

DntPnicIGotThis · 2018-12-23T05:45:31+00:00

first step to fixing anything is to admit there is a problem.

stop feeling sorry for yourself and sort your shit out.

start by getting to the gym and lifting til muscle failure.

Besthater · 2018-12-23T07:18:11+00:00

Do anything and then keep moving. Don't stop putting one foot in front of the other. Solutions will appear when you want to find them.

Lego_My_Alter_Eggo · 2018-12-23T07:30:21+00:00

I pick the easiest thing on our list, and pick the hardest thing on your list. solve both of them. Do not try to fix everything at once. Once those parts of your life are fixed, pick the next two. repeat.

z2a1-9 · 2018-12-23T08:13:29+00:00

Small steps bub! Take one and conquer it then move on to the next. Yes you are a loser but that is a choice, chose to be a winner by having a positive mindset and making gains in what you know you need to change. It wont be easy, it will take time, and if you fall keep getting up until you get there. Get to it and work hard, good luck to you my friend!

CriticalSoldier · 2018-12-23T11:39:40+00:00

Besides the physical problems you described, it seems like the psychological ones are really holding you back. The way you speak about yourself is very self deprecative. I understand your life is fucked up, however. I would highly recommend you watch Dr. Jordan Peterson on improving your psyche, I'm sure it can help you. Good luck.

bbcbarbarossa · 2018-12-23T00:17:43+00:00

Vikingcel · 2018-12-23T00:09:48+00:00

Time to start TRT and possibly ride the bicycle till you die.

Title	Is there hope?
Author	frenulum_maximus
Upvotes	71
Comments	90
Date	December 22, 2018 10:35 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/a8p8d0/is_there_hope/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/is-there-hope.71319 https://theredarchive.com/post/71319

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