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Above The Game - A 9 Part Series

0) Intro & My Story

1) Primer on Who You Will Become

2) Fundamentals of Attraction: Authenticity, Desire, Excitement, Lifestyle

3) Body Language & How to Approach

4) Qualifying & Calibration

5) Flirting, Touch & Conversation

6) Logistics (getting the number, texting, setting up dates, etc.)

7) Physical Escalation & Sex

8) Relationships

9) Giving Back: Be a Value Giver

Compatibility

Really pay attention to the following words. The majority of failed relationships could have been avoided if they took this advice...

At some point, when you feel her falling for you, you need to start finding out if you're actually compatible. Take some time to ask yourself:

  • Do you want kids? How many?
  • Where do you want to live? A house in the suburbs? Out in the country? An apartment in midtown Manhattan?
  • Is religion important to you? Do you want your children growing up with a certain religion? Are you dead-set on an atheist upbringing or would you be open to adapting to your partner's faith?
  • How do you envision family life working? Is being close with your parents and relatives important to you?
  • Do you prefer to live for the now and save later? Or save for retirement now?
  • Are you looking for an open relationship where you can date other women? How do you envision that working?
  • Do you want to travel the world? Do you enjoy traveling?

Think about these questions INDEPENDENTLY of the girls you are seeing. It might be wise to think about these when you are completely single and unattached. Hell, write out your answers to these! You'll want to revisit these from time to time. Don't ignore this step. Your entire life's happiness depends on this!

Once you have a good idea of what YOU want out of life, start asking HER the same questions. Don't give her a full CIA interrogation, but do pepper these into conversation as you go from casual to serious. Most of the time, you'll start to notice red flags. That's OK, tell her you want to keep it casual, and if she's open to it, keep enjoying her company on a more casual basis. You are a man of values and you must STICK to those values or they are meaningless.

Compromise is important, but if the idea of your kids growing up Mormon terrifies you, you'd better find out what SHE expects before it's too late!

Commitment

So you've met a great girl, you've made your intentions and boundaries known, you've gotten to know one another, and you've clicked in the bedroom. You think she might be girlfriend or wife material. Congratulations, that's amazing! Now what?

A lot of romantic-comedies would have you think you need to stand out in the rain with a bouquet of flowers and ask her to be your girlfriend. Don't do that.

Do you find yourselves just assuming that you are hanging out together on Saturday night? Is that becoming a regular thing? Are you guys becoming increasingly comfortable around one another? Are you getting lazier about tidying up your bathroom before you go see her?

If the answers to all those questions is "Yes," then congratulations, you've got a girlfriend! When the time is right, ask her "You're committed to this relationship, right?" No matter her answer, you'll have a very clear understanding where you two stand.

WARNING: Just as a word of advice, really ask yourself if you do love this girl or if you just love the idea of the girl. For example: Are you forgiving the fact that she's a shitty person because she's really into that random indie band you've seen live 25 times? Spend some time meditating and being introspective about how you really feel before you let things spiral out of control.

Keeping Her in Love with You

This is where the fun really begins. You two can grow together, share experiences together, and start building a life together.

It is absolutely critical to NEVER forget why she fell for you in the first place. Go back and re-read Part 1: Primer On Who You Will Become and the Primer on Being a Modern Alpha Male. You were able to land this amazing woman because you've embodied all those characteristics! Don't fall into the classic trap of forgetting all you've learned just because you have easy access to sex!

She fell in love with you because:

  • You are a leader. You take her by the hand and decide how things will be. In the early stage of the relationship, you should be making close to 100% of the decisions. As time goes on, she'll naturally try to suggest things to do. This is perfectly healthy and you should absolutely let her do so, just don't ever give up control entirely. Women lose respect for men who can't lead. However, she will naturally try to take ownership of certain parts of the relationship. If she feels like her input isn't valued, her emotions will drift elsewhere. Pick your battles; let her take the lead on things from time to time.

  • You have firm values. When she does something shitty, you call her out on it. This could be as trivial as showing up 10 minutes late or as big as cheating on you. Whatever it is, you MUST stand up for yourself. Don't be a doormat!

  • You make her feel valued and appreciated. When she does something adorable that makes you feel warm inside, tell her! Smile genuinely and profess your love from time to time. Affection is sexy as hell when it's not coupled with neediness.

  • You make her feel desired and beautiful. Never stop seducing your woman. Grab her and rip her clothes off spontaneously. Compliments on her physical beauty are MUCH sexier when they aren't just words. Show her she's beautiful with your actions!

  • You are fun and spontaneous. Remember all those great date ideas you have? Bust 'em out! Send her mysterious invitations and take her on magic carpet rides. Your life is awesome and you're letting her ride shotgun in it. Don't take that offer lightly.

  • You are on a journey towards greatness. You were in the middle of your self-development journey when you met her. Whether or not you realized it, that fact alone is extremely attractive. It's the same reason women are suckers for starving artists. They value STRIVING FOR GREATNESS as much as greatness itself. Don't ever stop improving! Keep setting higher and higher goals. Don't give up. Don't settle.

Emotions

Don't be an emotionless shell, but don't pour your entire heart and soul out either. Here are some words to live by: Share your emotions as a reward for good behavior.

You know how you love a good blowjob? Imagine you got a blowjob every time you took out the trash. I bet you'd be a lot happier about trash day!

For women, vulnerability is the psychological equivalent of a good BJ. She wants to know your deepest fears and feelings, but don't dole it all out at once. Spreading these deep emotional moments out over the course of a relationship will go a long way towards securing longevity. Show her your vulnerable side, but not all at once.

Once she feels like she completely understands you, the mystery and allure begins to fade. Take your time; you're in it for the long haul.

Jealousy

Jealousy stems from a fear of loss: A loss of power. A loss of companionship. A loss of control.

Jealousy is borne from a scarcity mindset. One of the key reasons it is so critical to keep working on yourself - to stay on your journey towards greatness - is so you never feel like you've lost your ability to seduce women. Really honestly KNOWING that you have the ability to secure another mate just as good as your current one will help keep you from ever feeling jealous.

That being said, never showing jealousy can diminish how DESIRED she feels. This is a bad thing. This problem can be easily solved, however...

I've heard this from so many women: "There is nothing hotter than knowing he's the one who's taking me home at the end of the night."

You're a secure, confident man, right? So let your girl get dolled up and hit the town! Let her get hit on by other men! Let her validate her desire to feel sexy. That's an important emotion - don't be a controlling prick by depriving her of it. Introduce her to people in the bar and don't even mention that she's your girlfriend. Watch as a bunch of guys try to hit on her right in front of you while you smile and watch! That's how you show confidence, men.

Then laugh about it in the car-ride home before you fuck her silly. The rush of emotions she'll experience will drive her mad!

Fun

Above all else, be fun. A relationship should be absolutely delightful. Couples who have a shared sense of humor tend to last the longest. Looks fade, status fades, but fun never goes away.

Say stuff to rile her up. Then say things like, "Aww, I could never stay mad at you." Be silly. Be childish.

Action Items

1) Take out your notebook. Think long and hard about the questions in the section on Compatibility. Write down your answers and put them in a safe place.

2) Go back and re-read Part 1: Primer On Who You Will Become and the Primer on Being a Modern Alpha Male.

3) Go fall in love! Take chances! 'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.