Asking for feedback from ex dates

MountainGoatSC · 2022-07-31T22:36:48+00:00

Probably not going to result in anything useful. I've had productive discussions with women after we've broken up about what we're looking for and how we differ as people and it can be useful to think about but I don't think anyone who wasn't into a second date is going to have anything insightful to tell you other than she wasn't feeling the "vibe" or something vague like that if they answer at all.

Sweaty_Literature_69 · 2022-07-31T21:19:55+00:00

I wouldn't agree that treating women as customers will help you improve yourself. I would personally suggest you focus on getting the proper mindset and look inwards for self improvement.

Though I guess the above is not absolute fact, I know one thing is: Women rarely if ever understand what they consciously want from a guy. What they say they want and what they really want are usually two completely different things. Don't expect accurate and good feedback from women on this subject.

CocoBabeNYC · 2022-07-31T21:44:38+00:00

Please don't. Only losers do that and you will not get anything useful out of it.

MrBlack__ · 2022-07-31T22:21:01+00:00

No.

As a man you need to be able to self evaluate sometimes.

Plus the energy you’re giving these RANDOM women is like “please tell me how I could have earned your admiration” FUCK EM.

You’re asking her what you did wrong whilst she won’t get a text back from the guy she goes over to he’s house once a month n sucks he’s dick.

Bro, you don’t need any answer they will give you

TelephoneMediocre721 · 2022-07-31T21:53:42+00:00

I don’t think any woman is going to respond to that kind of text. And if they would, they wouldn’t be able to pinpoint the reason, probably they just gonna say “I wasn’t feeling it”. Don’t expect a long answer.

Also there is a saying that I mildly agree on: don’t take dating advice from a woman, because what they say isn’t always what they really want (I think this also apply to guys)

koseabjitt · 2022-07-31T21:48:37+00:00

Instead of being needy , you can give your dating script to more experienced guys & ask for quick feedbacks OR simply memorize one tested method that can be applied on hyper-short dates & go with that.

women will never tell you the truth & will never give you the advice that gets you laid more.

Nullroute127 · 2022-07-31T23:20:23+00:00

The desire to know how to improve is the right mindset. You just have to realize that even if you get feedback its usefulness will be limited.

Women are MUCH more likely to give you an explanation that will make you feel better, vs what you need to hear. Also, if the reason is something that makes her look bad, it increases the likelihood what she tells you will be a half-truth at best. How likely do you think she's to say that she doesn't want to see you because her asshole ex came back in the picture? Or she thinks the mole on your neck is hideous? Or to tell you suck at sex?

Also, sometimes women just don't 'feel' it - and they can't articulate it even if they're being honest.

Basically, asking for feedback will probably send you down the path of misinformation. Consequently, the answer is very unlikely to be at all helpful or actionable.

MO_drps_knwldg · 2022-07-31T22:53:32+00:00

Nope

Kiltmanenator · 2022-08-01T01:58:10+00:00

God no.

Most women are gonna assume you're trying to open the door to argue why they're wrong and they should have given you a chance.

It's not worth it.

intelectualycurious · 2022-08-01T04:41:14+00:00

Why don’t you get feedback from yourself?

Any feedback you get from a female is going to be superficial and fake.

Because females aren’t even aware of what turns them on.

Initial-Laugh1442 · 2022-07-31T21:39:26+00:00

No, this is very needy. A date is similar to a job interview but it's different ... you might have not done anything wrong and still get rejected, because there's no "chemistry" between you two or because she's close to "that week" or because you did not make the right moves at the right moment or so many other reasons. As If she's attracted to you she'll make the escalation easy and give you opportunities. If she's not attracted, she'll decline further dates. Best understand quickly if she's attracted or not and politely withdraw, without even asking whether there'll be a second date. If she's attracted, she'll make sure that there is a follow-up, by clearly asking you when you two can meet again.

SaquonB26 · 2022-08-01T00:02:32+00:00

I did something similar once after a few dates with a girl that ended up losing interest. Her true reason was worse than I bargained for and tbh I was better off not knowing and just moving on. Bottom line is you don’t really know them, and their reasons are varied and for all you know she’s not that great of a person anyway.

grindforthegold · 2022-07-31T21:44:53+00:00

i wouldn’t unless i knew them well, but that’s up to you i guess they might just be nice and lie to you

hookedonfonicsmunky · 2022-07-31T23:45:06+00:00

Idk after failed dates i usually just tell myself they weren't feeling it, which slowly turned into me going into dates asking myself "am i even going to like her", which turned into them becoming the aggressor during dates which broke my long fucking dry spell haha, so i'd say just ignore past failures and truck on my guy, one day the perfect girl for you is gonna get hooked

Canadian-Seductioner · 2022-08-01T02:26:23+00:00

Don't do it. Girls will never give you honest feedback about why they didn't like you. It's a waste of energy and will also misguided you because when they do give you feedback, it's often not the actual truth so you'll be focusing on the wrong things.

rjones416 · 2022-08-01T02:47:45+00:00

you can analyze the date yourself and be able to figure out what you were doing wrong. sometimes it's not your fault and she just didnt have high enough interest to keep seeing you.

MrDownhillRacer · 2022-08-01T03:08:35+00:00

She will want to be polite rather than tell the truth, so she will just say something that sounds nice. It's an uncomfortable spot to be put in to have to say what you don't like about a person, even if they assure you that they are looking for honest feedback and won't be upset.

And also… she may not have specific things that she didn't like about you. It might have just been a general vibe or feeling. A lack of that "click." Like, "there's nothing wrong with him, but I just don't feel anything." That happens. You can't make everyone like you.

Even though I don't think you can learn some secret strategy or behaviour to attract any person you want and I do recognize that many people will not be attracted to you no matter what you do or say, I do think there are things you can do to increase your chances of creating attraction in general, and that attracting people is a skill that can be improved. But many women don't really think that. They think that if it was "meant to be," you will just "work," and if attraction isn't felt, it couldn't possibly be due to a lack of skill, but simply because you're not a "match." So, they will already be coming at this question with the belief that nothing you could have said or done would have changed the outcome. So, they won't have anything to tell you other than "we just won't have chemistry," and asking them will have been pointless.

spicy_simba · 2022-08-01T07:30:14+00:00

You can always ask for feedback, if you feel comfortable with the rejection and not in a vulnerable spot.

it may be more revealing of the giver's personality than yours. It may be just politeness also, so to be taken as superficially as it is.

Your closer friends feedback is likely more accurate and valuable about your behavioral patterns.

Ikem32 · 2022-08-01T09:40:02+00:00

They won’t tell you the truth.

Ok-Effective-9029 · 2022-08-01T10:45:42+00:00

i wouldn't. take a long walk with no music and think back on the interaction, you should be able to figure out what went wrong, if you can't that's an area of growth you need to improve

Rssy2htty · 2022-08-01T12:39:55+00:00

I recently went on a date [29M) and when she asked where I lived and I said “at home” with family I could already tell it was an uphill struggle and this completely swayed her interest in my opinion (which is fair enough )didn’t get a second date but It really bugged me that i don’t know for sure whether my chat was bad or the living at home was an instant deal Breaker. Would love to ask but again don’t want to come across as needy and probably wouldn’t get an honest answer anyway

cobraCL · 2022-08-01T13:03:36+00:00

In a romantic context, I'm not sure how objective or truthful your recieved responses would be.

There are often a myriad reasons that a date or relationship didn't work out, and the majority are internal as opposed to external.

Humans are self-centered creatures. Sometimes its nothing you did "wrong", as opposed to:

Your date's personal preferences
Incompatible love languages
Mismatched interests
Mismatched values
Seeing the relationship through the lense of insecurities, personal attitudes and generalizations made on subjective past experiences
Emotional states that make a person 'closed' or guarded, or open and welcoming
The individual's readiness to commit
The list goes on.

We all do the above. It's not 100% performance based as realistically there are too many factors out of our control.

Do your best to be self-aware in your personal capacity.

It is also worthwhile to note that you will only receive worthwhile feedback from extremely self aware individuals. Most people make relationship judgements on autopilot and fail to name and attribute what they are feeling.

Blaphrodite · 2022-08-01T17:08:21+00:00

This would work IF:

People knew what they wanted
If they are actually honest.

But dating these days is crap for both genders.

freespirit1963TJ · 2022-08-01T17:13:33+00:00

One thing I find very interesting (and I'm not saying this is the case with you) people struggle with being honest with themselves. I'm most likely older than anyone in this sub. I have many, many relationships, dates the old school way, internet dating, speed dating etc. The first step is to analyze how the date went (honestly). There are some people who really can't be critical of themselves, even if it doesn't seem like a negative to you. I can safely say I can look back and know why things worked, and why they didn't. I think that most ladies would find the approach you might take as being creepy. In a nice way saying, ok, what was wrong with me. People struggle with being rejected, (some) people also struggle with what you want to do. Let it go, and do a self assessment.

150420throwaway · 2022-08-01T18:19:39+00:00

See, I see where you’re coming from OP and I know what you’re thinking because I was the same.

You need to work on your confidence, as ground breaking as it sounds and definitely not already bombarded enough (/s), i thought this was a good idea a while back, but now that I’m a whole lot more sure of myself (long way to go still), I can see how weak and, to an extent, pathetic it was (not trying to offend you, I’m simply stating my own opinion based on retrospective ‘assessment’).

Who gives a shit what she has to say? How is she going to be the measure/scale by which you define yourself? Also, women tend to say one thing and do the other, I.e. nice guys.

Look back on your own experiences by yourself, helps you develop critical thinking skills and you know yourself better. I find myself being too slow on the pull and also a little too logical in conversations - those are the two things I am now keeping in mind and trying to amend.

Good luck, we will both get there.

GotThaAcid5tab · 2022-08-01T18:28:24+00:00

Fucking hell really

What is this sub

Social_cynicism · 2022-08-01T19:20:04+00:00

Bad idea. All your answers will be in the line of: I just didn't feel it.

SpamFilterHatesMe · 2022-08-01T06:06:17+00:00

this is the type of cringe that makes me feel so much better about myself, I love this website

please do it, and report us the results

Title	Asking for feedback from ex dates
Author	Walrus011
Upvotes	48
Comments	43
Date	July 31, 2022 9:13 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/wcz5fi/asking_for_feedback_from_ex_dates/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/asking-for-feedback-from-ex-dates.1253134 https://theredarchive.com/post/1253134

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