Being silent/laid back can ruin you? [recovered]

MasterTeacher123 · 2022-06-17T12:51:18+00:00

Closed mouths don’t get fed. Most men aren’t handsome enough where they can lay back in the cut and have women come to them

Long_Restaurant1931 · 2022-06-17T14:24:14+00:00

It depends how you wear it. Quiet and mellow can either come off as not confident and low self value, or it can come off as confident and secure and mysterious and alluring.

It all depends my man.

SocialReject101 · 2022-06-17T13:15:44+00:00

Have to agree with the other guy. If you are not physically attractive or socially valuable your silence will be taken as insecurity to speak rather than chill attitude. Anyway, women will not approach you

ZealousidealPlane248 · 2022-06-17T17:43:25+00:00

What is the point of even asking a question in a forum if you’re going to disregard every response that doesn’t confirm what you want to hear by asking if they are giving advice from the exact same situation you’re in? If you want a pity circle jerk you’re probably in the wrong place.

Now with that said, I am similarly quiet when I don’t know people and talkative when I get to know them, and yeah that’s basically a deal breaker for women. It’s because the reason you’re quiet is shyness not a lack of interest in small talk, if that was the case you’d just ask interesting questions to strangers instead of waiting for them to be friends first. And yes, I know this from personal experience as an introvert since you need that to consider the point valid.

So now you have two options to fix the situation. Put a lot of work into your appearance, so that you’re attractive enough not to need to talk to women. That’ll be hard and take a long time most likely and if you’re still not decently sociable that’s only good for hooking up. You can also take some the advice given here already without asking for one to one anecdotal evidence to your situation and work on social skills so that you learn how to have interesting conversations with strangers and approach women without waiting for them to do the work for you. Good luck with either one you choose, or if you think you’re perfect as is and the women should approach you to get to know you anyway, good luck there too.

Velociraptor2018 · 2022-06-17T15:00:35+00:00

This is one experience so it probably doesn't translate to much but I'm usually the quiet one and I haven't really gotten anywhere with the the ladies, but a few nights ago I auditioned for this play and was being loud, and funny and goofy, and this girl I was there with friended me on fb and messaged me a bunch, even FaceTimed me the day after. I think confidence is the sexiest thing, not being quiet vs loud, though it's much easier to be confident where you're putting yourself out there

U1tra1ightBeam · 2022-06-17T15:59:42+00:00

It depends. You most likely won’t pull a girl every night, but it doesn’t remove you from the overall equation. Some girls prefer the quiet guys because they seem more reliable than the “life of the party” kinds. However some people have correctly commented here that it really depends whether you look insecure or content with yourself and “mysterious”. The first one pretty likely won’t get approached. The second one will.

RobbyRock75 · 2022-06-17T16:49:09+00:00

You can consider a “chaos” theory for the world or you can consider the “alpha” theory of the world but in the end it comes down to you just being happy being you and that’s that.

Join social activities you like, hang out at places you like, consider work that you like and focus on that because it will keep you happy and people are easy to be around when they are happy with their lives.

cronasminate · 2022-06-17T19:09:12+00:00

In American culture, you can't be too silent. You need some form verbalizing your presence or you'll just seem too passive. Also it's not very realistic to expect to communicate without using the most efficient medium of communication.

This coming from a dude who is naturally introverted. You need to have some ability to utilize your extroverted side or you won't get anything done dating-wise or career-wise.

It's the same thing for extroverts. They can't just talk mindlessly and expect people to respect them. They need to develop their inward reflection that is natural for introverts.

Both spectrum of the extraversion scale that need to step out of their comfort zone to progress.

Rico-Savage88 · 2022-06-17T15:11:26+00:00

Gotta say you can not think it’s easy to pick up women if you don’t say nothing. I personally don’t chase and I believe they’ll come but I’m not totally silent. I usually am goofy so I’ll laugh and crack a joke which most women like laughing. Try singing new and don’t seem thirsty. Big turnoff

f1_77Bottasftw · 2022-06-17T16:49:51+00:00

It can make things difficult, I'm a very quiet reserved person myself. However, I play in a band and have a lot of people that know me, so I can find success from this because I seem approachable and interesting(particularly after a show). It's not like I have women approach me all the time but usually at least one or two after a set and in other situations I can go out and approach a group with someone I know in it start talking to them and then introduce myself to a cute girl in an easy way.

HooperSinger2001 · 2022-06-17T18:49:10+00:00

I understand bro! No doubt. My answer is No it can’t ruin you. Honestly depending on how old you are. It’s actually an advantage. You are not trying to force the vibes or anything. You just being yourself. When I’m in a crowded place I.e. party or concert, I just enjoy that moment and turn up and everyone else follows. After awhile I get comfortable and talk to the strangers around me and Conversate and whatever happens after that happens. Only disadvantage would be beating yourself you up about your personality. There will be opportunities that right in front of face and you’ll miss them. That’s just how it is. They will be opportunities and you won’t even think about it. Moral of the story is continue to be you, build yourself up(not saying you have a confidence issue), go with the flow. Accept it and make peace with it. You sound like you are in your Late teens maybe early 20’s like myself so don’t even sweat it🙏🏽.

Marcoscondit · 2022-06-17T21:15:15+00:00

I think it depends on your vibe and how your feeling if your quiet because your shy and have anxiety people will sense it the same is true if your quiet but feeling great

ftdrain · 2022-06-17T13:24:23+00:00

Introversion and fucking around dont mix unless you are part of the 10%

Visualize_ · 2022-06-17T19:59:33+00:00

I learned that being quiet and mellow can be okay for building friendships but it's going to hold you back for anything seduction wise UNLESS you are very attractive or have high social status by being a celebrity.

purpledominator · 2022-06-17T21:49:31+00:00

This just got a big blackpill nest

If you are not handsome you can't be shy

Ahahahahah this is really fucked up

To other guys who brought their experiences, thank you! Let's keep this real and bullshit free

MO_drps_knwldg · 2022-06-17T16:20:26+00:00

Shyness is a social inhibition that stems from fear of rejection, it’s not a personality type.

Being outgoing comes more naturally to some, but introversion and shyness aren’t one in the same. Introverts may need more recovery time and distance after social situations with large numbers of people, but you can be an outgoing introvert.

Agree 100% with the other comments. Women typically don’t like shy guys. They’re seen as insecure or uninteresting. A guy has to be very physically attractive or have demonstrated social value to pull off the ‘silent’ type initially

Even then, a less attractive guy with amazing social skills and demonstrated confidence will do better than a good looking, shy guy the majority of the time.

Good looking shy guys put women on edge. They wonder why a guy who should be incredibly confident is so quiet. Makes them wonder if he’s ashamed of something or has a lack of confidence.

Guys who are more social and gregarious typically do better with women. Some guys here may disagree with that, but that’s my experience and observation. I’m a naturally introvert, but I’ve had to work at becoming outgoing and social, even when it’s not my natural inclination.

Kennymacdougall · 2022-06-17T16:53:01+00:00

I am also an introvert but not shy. I don't talk to people because:

I hate small talk
I just don't give a fuck about others and what they think
I have nothing to add to the conversation, just listening

I also approached hundreds of girls. They did not find that sexy at all but rather creepy and all of a sudden they have a boyfriend. It didn't matter if I was silent or acting a bit more talkative.

I have been approached by women before and one friend of mine told me that when she looked at me she became completely calm and she loved it.

Lastly, if people think you are insecure because you don't speak, then fuck them man. Who needs prejudiced assholes like that anyway?

Silence does not equal insecure. Whoever thinks like that is a complete idiot and does not even deserve to be approached.

Stay strong, brother

U1tra1ightBeam · 2022-06-17T15:59:49+00:00

It depends. You most likely won’t pull a girl every night, but it doesn’t remove you from the overall equation. Some girls prefer the quiet guys because they seem more reliable than the “life of the party” kinds. However some people have correctly commented here that it really depends whether you look insecure or content with yourself and “mysterious”. The first one pretty likely won’t get approached. The second one will.

Killz4Thrillz954 · 2022-06-17T17:52:18+00:00

Well if your attractive then it works great but anything less will get you looked over

Beginning-Ad-8041 · 2022-06-17T20:04:50+00:00

Tbh this feels like an incel bait post based on OP’s confirmation bias to all the comments in here, I am heavily introverted but still enjoy great success with women and have helped others find it as well

Yes I have to put myself out more but in the end it is very worth it

mEDWARDetector · 2022-06-17T20:08:21+00:00

Well if you don’t want to be a talker until you’re comfortable, get good at asking questions that keep people talking. Ask about things they seem interested in. Less talking, more listening for you, and at least you come off as engaging.

150420throwaway · 2022-06-17T20:12:50+00:00

I noticed where a girl might be attracted to me and showing IOIs by sparking conversations, having a more feminine voice when talking to me but as soon as a I let one ‘friend’ talk shit about me few years back I noticed her behaviour change, which is probably because I became timid

premedchunsa · 2022-06-17T21:01:20+00:00

Okay bro. It’s all perception. When you’re handsome and silent, you’re “mysterious.” When you’re average and silent, you’re “shy and reserved.” When you’re ugly and silent, you’re “anti-social or a creep.” In a society where first impressions matter a lot, it’s better to come off sociable than the opposite both in the professional and romantic scene. You want all the advantage you can get. I don’t know if you’re still in college, but once you’re out, it’s harder to make friends without engaging in a bit of small talk. There’s really not much opportunity to bond over activities after college if you’re the quiet type.

focus_flow69 · 2022-06-17T21:22:29+00:00

You already know the answer to this.

Being a quiet and reserved person will not do you any favours in life.

I was this person before and still am in certain ways. But growing up I came to the realization that to succeed in this world, you need the help of others. And to get the help of others, you cannot be quiet and shy and reserved.

My girl is also very shy and quiet when around new people, but not when she's around me, friends and family. She is very outgoing around people she is comfortable with.

She rationalized it to her just being shy and part of her personality. I have noticed that new people that don't know her well can interpret that shyness as being standoffish and disinterest. As do I actually when I see her in a public setting, if I didn't know her any better. As a result, she has a hard time making connections with new ppl. And this kills me because I know she's bubbly and sweet, but bevause of the way she portrays herself to the world, people don't see it that way and as a result, she misses out on a lot of interactions.

And that's for a girl. In a world where men are expected to lead and initiate, if you are shy and passive and reserved, you are at a severe disadvantage.

Slomojoe · 2022-06-17T22:15:41+00:00

Yes. You’ve got to put yourself out there. And you’ve got to make your intentions known. Having women approach you out of nowhere while being the cool aloof guy only works on rare occasions. You can play hard to get but you have to at least be social to a degree.

Italianguy340 · 2022-06-18T00:23:09+00:00

Why did the content get removed? I wanted to see what he said

Title	Being silent/laid back can ruin you? [recovered]
Author	purpledominator [recovered]
Upvotes	28
Comments	89
Date	June 17, 2022 12:09 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/vebpfx/being_silentlaid_back_can_ruin_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/being-silentlaid-back-can-ruin-you.1256830 https://theredarchive.com/post/1256830

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