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[–]themostgianthorse 116 points117 points118 points 4 years ago (13 children) | Copy Link
Perception.
When you have regular access to sex/intimacy, it’s a small part of a good life.
When you have no or infrequent access to sex/intimacy, it’s an enormous part of a shitty life.
[–]ShortStuffV2 32 points33 points34 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
And what's really interesting is how your life, otherwise, objectively, is "okay." Like, no major problems, on top of your shit, not in debt, etc. But just the scarcity of something you feel powerless to obtain but desire deeply removes all the color
[–]themostgianthorse 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Well said and I could certainly relate at one point.
[–]KinxTheTimeStripper 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Then why does this sub have such a hard time having a lil empathy
[–]themostgianthorse 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The amount of empathy given directly corresponds to the amount of work or the willingness to do the work of the individual posting.
I can have empathy for guys who are taking responsibility for their lives and asking for feedback.
I cannot have empathy for guys with Cheeto stained fingers, playing 6 hours of video games a day and asking why fitness models do not want to fuck them.
[–]SocialReject101 22 points23 points24 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Unfortunately this. That is why sex is basically a primal necessity in Maslov's hierarchy of needs that comes before confidence. Here we have to work top layers first to get to lower ones which is counterintuitive. It would be like to have a need of self fulfilment in art in order to be able to develop an appetite for a burger. Idk maybe my analogy sucks
[–]alikebabay 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Exactly my thoughts. Maslow was wrong. Sex is not easy to obtain.
[–]Ducharbaine 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Did he say anything about ease?
[–]KinxTheTimeStripper -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I like how this sub changes its stance on ease 180⁰ when it's convenient
[–]themostgianthorse 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Agreed.
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
Absolutely!
[–]premedchunsa 22 points23 points24 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Bro, sex/relationship IS great. But putting anything on a pedestal is bad because you tend to get desperate. Girls hate that shit. Aka nice guys finish last. That’s why everyone here tells you to focus on yourself because once you become a higher value man, you’ll have more options and not come off desperate. It’s all about equalizing the playing field. Once you’re attractive, you’ll have more confidence to hit on girls without having to play games. So to answer your question, should it be your priority? Yes. Should it be your idol? No.
[–]SocialReject101 55 points56 points57 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
This entire sub is putting pussy on a pedestal while furiously coping through "be yourself, better yourself but not for women" mentality. World revolves around pussy whether you like it or not. Only way is to manipulate your way through it and mitigate damage done to your confidence in this competition.
[–]ajayt365 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
And how do you plan to do that? Every hetero man wants some pussy.
[–]TriLinin 11 points12 points13 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
What kind of incel fucking question is this?
No one that gets pussy puts it in a pedestal.
Sex and relationships are great as they are kept and maintained within healthy boundaries.
Sex and relationships are part of life. A good burger is great to be but I do not put it on a pedestal.The same thing goes for vacations, and even alone time.
What should be taken out of the pedestal or eliminated is pornography, and even TV with unhealthy and unrealistic sex and relationship standards.
Im tired of reading questions like these.
[–]Dumy_Hmn 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Idk dude. Personally i dont feel like I'm putting pussy on a pedestal.
For me it goes beyond that. It is about the journey. I love the nervousness of talking to a new girl, the excitement, when you say a risky line and you don't know if it is going to work or not, the funny experiences you have with each woman.
I love the feeling of seeing my self improve each day, not only with women but with my life in general, getting to be the best version of myself to attract new people into my life. Idk dude, but this makes me feel alive.
Yeah sex is great, but I feel that it is just the cherry on top of the cake. The experiences and struggles makes it worth it for me.
[–]GotThaAcid5tab 17 points18 points19 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I always found the honeymoon stage etc is great but it wears off.. although when you have a genuine bond with someone, that is something you cannot replace.
Unfortunately all the hoops and shit-tests a guy often has to jump through makes it way more trouble than its worth half the time. Dating apps seem to have bought out some horrific narcissism in lots of women today. If you use and abuse women, they want commitment. If you want to commit to them, they want to use and discard you. So it seems anyway..
I can happily bust a nut any time I want. No shit tests or being judged or feeling less than. Sex alone feels a little hollow for me personally. I don't need to use someone to boost my ego.
It's not about improving yourself so much, but learning to actually love yourself (not a reference to wanking) is a huge thing everyone in life should strive for.
[–]no_not_this 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yup. I stay in the honeymoon phase. Sometimes it takes a bit to find a new one but the beginning of relationships are the absolute best. Guess I’ve never found the true bond so I can’t comment on that. As of now. Life is good
[–][deleted] 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Sex and relationships are two very different things. Think of amazing sex like heroin, it’s a dopamine hit and can be highly addicting to some people. Relationships are more about forming a connection with another person, which is as deep as life gets in my opinion and takes time.
That said, you can’t help but hold it “high and mighty.” While people vary on their needs, your brain is engineered to make finding partners it’s biggest priority.
But it works both ways: women have the same needs, which makes this whole thing mutual — that is, it’s not a hunter/hunted scenario.
[–]CocoBabeNYC 11 points12 points13 points 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Women and sex are wonderful things, but they don't need to rule your world and they can't even make you happy.
[–]ajayt365 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
People both men and women do feel happy during and after sex. They say it's great and love it for a reason. Why would they be on dating apps, approach etc if sex didn't make them happy?
[–]CocoBabeNYC 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Let me put it this way. There are no downsides to having good sex and being loved and approved of. But that's not the issue here. The issue is whether there are downsides to basing your self worth and happiness in being able to get sex and love and approval.
Let's do a cost benefit analysis. What's positive about basing your happiness on getting sex? - when you get it, it feels great, you are happy
-because you know it will make you happy, you get motivated to go out and try to obtain it
What are the downsides of basing your happiness on getting sex?
-if you get rejected, it will absolutely crush you and your self esteem wjth be in the gutter
-it will make you come across as needy and desperate and have the exact opposite effect of what you are trying to achieve
Etc etc.
Play around with this until you can come up with a better belief such as: Sex and women are wonderful things, but they are the icing on the cake of my happy and fantastic life.
If you are still doubting that, do yourself an experiment and go out and try to be the most desperate and needy guy who is sad and depressed. Tell women that the only thing that will cheer you up is to have sex. See how they respond to you. You may not like the results though, lol.
[–]__Gynotarian__ 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
so you're telling me one of the most basic biological needs that has been programmed into us since our creation AND is crucial for survival won't make us happy?
.....sounds about right
[–]CocoBabeNYC 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Yeah, try going for a month without sex. You will be okay. Try going without air for 5 minutes or without food for a few days. Believing you need pussy is the one thing that keeps you in a submissive position when it comes to women and they know it and they despise you for it.
[–]__Gynotarian__ 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Oh I was referring to it making you happy vs it being essential for survival. I mean it is but not in the way obviously
[–]CocoBabeNYC 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It may give you good feelings the same way having a fantastic meal or hanging with good friends does, but it does not "make" you happy. Or don't need it to be happy. That's type of thinking keeps guys in a trap chasing pussy all their lives.
Pussy is like a drug and just like any other addiction it can rule your life. Don’t let it.
[–]Only_Potential 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Society has made us think that if you're not "pulling" multiple people, you are an Outcast. You can see it in popular music, tv shows and movies, pornhub, etc.
Yeah, it is nice since we all desire it every now and again, but it is not all that it is cracked up to be. You should want more out of life than just to pursue sex. Many people have compromised their own life's purpose for it and I strongly urge all who read this to not do the same.
[–]coachmelloweyes 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Meaningful relationships are lit… Sex… fun if they’re equally as freaky… but if you get post nut clarity from her .. then not a great feeling.
[–][deleted] 8 points9 points10 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Naw sex is pretty lit.
Anyone here who disagrees is coping.
Everything we do as men is to get pussy at the end of the day.
[–]lalalalalabadman 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
I've always heard some guys say this and it totally doesn't match my life at all. None of my hobbies or interests or career efforts were intended to help me get women, and that's only a small part of my motivation for working out. Maybe it's just that having girls chase you as a kid puts your psychology on a different path. (Not necessarily a better one in all aspects, hence now trying to learn more game in my late twenties.)
I feel like you're missing out on important things if this is literally true for you, though. Like, Garfield would never have been profitable if it weren't for women. How are you going to master a field if the people you hold as your judges have tastes that don't care about mastery?
[–]subversivefreak 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I tend to find when I'm really not interested in having sex and just wanting some company for a bit. That's when I get laid. It's kind of annoying actually
[–]Connect-Pear-3859 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
30 years married and agree 100%. Tried keeping the romance going, but sometimes you just have to say to yourself, fuck it, I'll myself in hand! Less drama.
[–]DAYUMXEZWRK 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah pussy has never had any value in my opinion
[–]RProgrammerMan 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I think all the things you do to get a relationship are things you should be doing for yourself anyway. Stuff like staying healthy, doing hobbies, building a lifestyle that lets you meet new people. If you are doing those things you’ll be happy whether or not you have a relationship. You have to have the strength to say no to women that play games and try to control you, no matter how hot they are. You are better off without them.
[–]Commercial_Habit_923 -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Pussy is the goal we are working towards. But don’t put any singular puss on the pedestal I’d say
[–]Ancient-Position-696 -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Don't think pedestal, think junk drawer.
[–]Fapandwarmshowers -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Pussy should never be on a pedestal.
[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
No
[–]Jonathan9O -2 points-1 points0 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Honestly at the end of the day pussy is a piece of meat, you want something like that to rule your life?
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah
[–]Ducharbaine 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Both. Neither.
It's amazing to get laid, and awesome to be loved and cared about. But it is complex, difficult, and requires sacrifice and dedication.
So depending on your priorities you may prefer singledom, celibacy, and no entanglements, or you may prefer debauchery, hedonism, and all the drama that comes with it, or a balance with one or two partners and carefully curated emotional attachments.
There is no answer that anyone but you can provide.
[–]higordemenezes 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I don’t really think that will ever changed, in the past wars were started because of pussy. Thirsty men are willing to throw ANYTHING out of the window for Pussy we all have a few friends that as soon as they started dating all their friendships were over)
[–]Titan_Astraeus 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Not putting it on a pedestal doesn't mean it's not great. Relationships, intimacy, sex are all amazing and probably some of the best stuff life has to offer.. the point is that enjoyment is/should be reciprocal and the other person is not necessarily better or different than you such that you have to do everything to please, chase after them as if they were in some elevated position. A beautiful woman is still a person with flaws and feelings, so no reason to treat people different, better than, or fixate because of lacking options..
[–]paddywacknack 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
People who are in relationships don't know how rough it can be to be single.
[–]youni89 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The grass is greener on the other side.
Once you have regular access, it doesn't seem as big.
[–]PoetOfTheScythe 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
Sex is a pleasure of the world, and with social media and outside pressures, it is reinforced as a need by the ego that goes along with the thoughts of the mind without care.
It is important to be informed by sexual encounters, but it is not necessary. The desire for sex is biological and culturally reinforced (The stigma behind being a virgin, for instance).
If sexual relationships come naturally to someone, engaging in moderation can be beneficial for development. If not, development can still take place.
Through mentorship, creation of good habits and mindsets, and physical and mental refinement, the more joy one finds in the simple pleasures of life.
It’s not that sex is taken off a pedestal, it’s that you find other things that are interesting and desirable to partake in.
A lot of men can feel pressured to value sex above everything else. It’s a socially constructed obligation of manhood. But it’s a silly thing to focus on when there’s any number of things that could be better for your development as a person.
If it comes, it comes. (Ha) If it doesn’t, it doesn’t.
EDIT: There’s also a massive lack of close friendships for a lot of men. I think this can exacerbate the intensity of desire men have for intimate relations with women. Finding good friends, that want to build you up and help you succeed, and want you to do the same for them, is something that will serve you SOOO much better than focusing on sex above all else. Friends with men, friends with women, friends with people older than you and friends of your age.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
+1000 on the friends thing. Hard to make male friends as a guy though.
[–]PoetOfTheScythe 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Just find things that you enjoy that you can do in public. Book clubs, sports activities, gyms, shooting ranges, hobbies like geocaching or hiking, or, if you’re religiously inclined something with your church/religious community.
Adults make friends like children, through regular contact and collaborative activity. If you want to make friends, just meet each other and share your thoughts and find something you both share in common.
[–]focus_flow69 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Separate sex and relationship until you are actually in a relationship, then they can blend together to become something magical.
Until then, treat and view sex as something that's really fun. It's a fun, playful, enjoyable activity and you are trying to see who wants to have fun and who has sexual chemistry with you.
A relationship is something sacred that only those whom you deem worthy of sharing your life and time with. If they are hot and you have great sex, but she doesn't meet your bar to be worthy of sharing your life with, then don't get in a relationship with her. Don't lower your bar just because she's hot. Don't force yourself to spend tkme with her even if you dont enjoy it just because she's hot. But please do fuck her and have sex with her if she's hot. Have fun and get experience with women, just don't fucking simp.
Relationship is the prize for women whether they admit it or not, don't give it up so easily. Likewise, women get told sex is the prize for men and to not give it up so easily.
Yes both sex and a relationship are pretty important in life, but understand that obtaining one or the other, once in a while or even freuquebtly does not necessarily mean you solve life's problems. Strive for them so you have a goal, but it's an ends to a means, which is your personal happiness, satisfaction and quality of life.
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[–]themostgianthorse 116 points117 points118 points (13 children) | Copy Link
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