Why do I care about my partner’s sexual past?

Radio_Unique · 2021-10-16T04:15:04+00:00

I was like this before teenage year. the one that change me is EXTREME PAIN, life will slap you then ull be grateful of what u have

Pale-District-1699 · 2021-10-16T13:07:28+00:00

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gral1c · 2021-10-16T13:12:57+00:00

It’s called retroactive jealousy, look it up, there is a book that helps understand and overcome this. It helped me a lot.

shodansminion · 2021-10-16T09:47:19+00:00

I was in your same shoes. The reason why I cared and always got upset when she would bring up her exes and all the dudes she kissed while she was in high school was because I was jealous of all the attention she gave them and all the stories of how she would treat them better while she was already treating me like fucking shit. It took me a while to realize it, and yes it isn't healthy.

I broke up with that piece of trash as well because she ended up cheating on me. The only difference for me now is that I'm aware of what I need to lookout for in women when getting serious.

JoystickVacation · 2021-10-16T08:29:29+00:00

It's hard to make a woman your queen when you know that so many other dudes simply made her their ho.

duhellmang · 2021-10-16T11:58:37+00:00

I’ve BEEN there… you’ll get a partner and get a feeling of security and a feeling of trust…

Follow your gut

Alex_O7 · 2021-10-16T07:23:19+00:00

Wrong subs to ask, I think it has more to do with you and it is probably a psychology kind of thing.

Anyway I'm guessing you are feeling insecure and that you cannot stay with a girl you have idolized like a pure thing, while she is still human and made your very same decisions. But to you probably she looks easy and not worthed once you know she slept with a lot of men.

Spoiler: as you grow up you will find less and less girls with few or none experience unless you are ok on big age gaps between you and the girl. So you have to deal with this problem sooner or later again.

AK1010 · 2021-10-16T15:52:10+00:00

I'd next her bro, you're always gonna have this issue with her. Another fact is that she might say i didn't want anything with the other guys, well why do you get to be the special snowflake to take her after all them cocks been inside her and if she was real serious then she wouldn't have banged other guys after you guys had hooked up. So point is that she only felt this after her fill. Also don't forget that there's a billion other chicks in the world, to find a good one among the kingdom of whores is the prize. If you're not okay with it then you don't need to. If you're okay with it, nothing wrong with that either my bro. Never forget that an average woman speaks 13k more words on average a day, they can do mental gymnastics and make you understand that they are special and done nothing wrong but listen to your gut, it always speaks the truth. If you're not okay just fuck it off lad. Plenty more out there. Peace

kylomorales · 2021-10-16T11:48:16+00:00

Both are true. It's okay not to be okay with it but given that you have more history than them and have no insecurities it is a little immature for you to be judging them or having a problem with their histories

Agreable_Actuator84 · 2021-10-16T04:05:48+00:00

How about considering your jealousy is an evolved response to prevent false paternity. I don’t consider it a double standard because men and women are biologically programmed to worry about different things.

The question is, does it serve you now, and if not how to rid yourself of it or reduce it. Maybe write out your core beliefs about sex and see how rational they are.

bigbobperson · 2021-10-16T04:16:49+00:00

She was hooking up before and while you were dating.

But you weren't serious.

How not serious is buncha dicks inside of a girl you're sleeping with??

Seriously, a generation full of cucks right here.

2021-10-17T02:24:20+00:00

Lemme tell you why. Cuz you were putting in all that work to make her yours, while those kings were smashin and dashin for free. They prolly didn't see her as gf material, but wanted to see what them guts do. You got the sloppy seconds.

When a guy walks around with his woman on his arm, he wants to feel proud. But if 5 dudes on the block already had her, then it ain't special, and it don't matter. Does this make sense?

TheSunshineMan · 2021-10-16T04:10:43+00:00

** I realize that it isn’t healthy but I don’t understand why I feel this way.**

I think it's pretty normal.

SithLordJediMaster · 2021-10-16T07:24:58+00:00

The past. reflects on the potential future

ImJustHereForCorn · 2021-10-16T14:22:10+00:00

You kinda gotta get over that. With today’s hookup culture and casual dating, most men and women will have had multiple partners in their past. You may find a few women that haven’t had many partners or hookups, same goes for men, but it’s harder to find these days mate.

donnybdonnyb · 2021-10-16T10:01:46+00:00

Nothing wrong with feeling this way IMO. No one wants to have a girl that everyone else has had. A woman you take seriously is a reflection of you at the end of the day. I wouldn’t take a girl like that seriously. Men and women have different rules. If we did it, it would make us more attractive

_archi · 2021-10-16T12:30:56+00:00

I think the problem here is how you perceived your hook-ups and now you can't fit your current gf into that box.

Mog_Melm · 2021-10-16T16:42:32+00:00

Relevant: https://youtu.be/xOkI2CmD2D8

Pale-District-1699 · 2021-10-16T23:59:32+00:00

It’s your ego. Girls have a much easier time getting sex than guys do so when you hear about your gf hooking up with a lot of dudes the first thought that pops up in your mind is that she was a hoe. And your ego is telling you to leave this girl cus she’s easy. It really comes down to how much you care about this girl and how much you connect with her. If you had a good thing with her and you know she’s all about you and only you then push the ego aside my dude because as you probably know it’s hard to find a girl you actually like. Girls care about sex but they care more about how you make them feel so if your confident that your the best for her and show her by the way you act that your the best for her. She’ll never leave you or think about sleeping with another guy because she knows she won’t find better than you. You have to make sure to let go of caring about her past though because if not the relationship will never work because your ego will keep reminding you that at one point in her life, she was being a hoe.

rivetcitymayor · 2021-10-16T08:44:10+00:00

You don’t wanna date a hoe , none wrong with that

SparklingWiggles12 · 2021-10-16T12:35:38+00:00

Body count should never be disclosed on either side it is only bound to bring misery

froze_gold · 2021-10-16T11:16:50+00:00

One of many reasons it's important to vet. Get into an LTR with more focus on your self interest. Having someone to allow you to feel endorphins, oxytocin, dopamine, and have sex with long term with easier access. Also consider the financial benefits. Do they have a job, healthy habits, good family, dependence/independence, etc.

Weigh the pros and cons of someone who you want to involve in your life before you open yourself up to them. If you focus too much on the past then you'll not move forward, so don't make sex the main point of interest. Treat it as a compliment to the relationship. Make sure you like the person enough to be able to enjoy sex long term with them.

Jumpy-Exit-7202 · 2021-10-16T12:30:00+00:00

Ngl bro, I broke up with my ex for the exact same reason. I felt really shitty about it, but honestly you either can grow out of it or do what makes you happy (take a break/ break up). Seriously, it was hard for me to deal with it. But now that I’ve gotten over it, I thought that i was being really silly. I hope you can feel better about the situation and knowing that ure not alone. Just try to not repeat the same mindset in the future, bc u might run into the same situation again.

Pale-District-1699 · 2021-10-16T03:57:19+00:00

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roddy1316 · 2021-10-16T06:30:53+00:00

Multiple reasons why you care subconsciously •promiscuous women are usually not satisfied sexually (whilst men are) because they've made themselves numb, loss of this emotions high tend to lead to moods ( stages of grief/withdraw). Women love harder, so the consequences to promiscuity is greater

•most guys tend to overlook this but their relationships rarely last as a result of that over sight and lack of understanding, and if they are together, theyre usually more of a partnership than lovers.

•There are 2 types of strength, restraint and action(manoeuvring) For you to get sex, you hard to put im some amount of work (approach, confidence etc), this is predominantly masculine The feminine version of strength is based in restraint, since sex with them is the goal.

•Women are not built for promiscuity, with every sexual encounter, they become less likely to fall im love, which is why most promiscuous women end up alone, or in a unhappy relationship. But for guys, we more/less get satisfied sexually every time

•An unhappy woman in a relationship, whos unsatisfied and has a memory of love (eventhough its unlikely she'll experience it to that degree because shes numb herself), will usually be on the lookout for it. Momentary attraction with strangers will tend to be misjudged as potential love and she'llend up going behind your back. Leading to the whole trust in fertility thing

jestercake · 2021-10-16T11:40:35+00:00

Might be because it doesn't match with the idea you have in mind for a serious match. You might idealize your future wife or whatever as some kind of sweet innocent princess. When it then turns out they're also sexual beings, then that clashes with that pre-conceived notion you had in mind of what your partner should be like. But that's just one possible explanation.

MisterSisterFister12 · 2021-10-16T16:01:17+00:00

This is callef retroactive jealousy. Look it up. It sucks.

bam55 · 2021-10-16T16:56:08+00:00

Seems like you wanted to own her in a way. A lot of guys want a woman sweet and taking care of them like their Mom, then they want a slut in the bedroom, and finally a good friend to hang out with most of the time, who HAS’NT been a slut ever, nice and clean. What woman can do that?

SweetChocolate02 · 2021-10-16T17:57:55+00:00

It’s the whole shitty lock and master key analogy

Libertarian_Gamer · 2021-10-16T18:13:09+00:00

Because women with higher partners have a higher risk of infidelity and lower marriage satisfaction. There’s actual studies on this. The same is not true of men, however.

MAGUS_CRAWDADUS · 2021-10-16T19:17:48+00:00

Yea man sorry to say it, the only option is pain. You learn to deal with peoples past or learn to not ask questions. To be honest, I chose the latter. Never ask questions you don’t really want the answer to.

Emergency_Jump_9181 · 2021-10-16T21:57:02+00:00

You are jealous, you dating a whore and expected a house wife

ninjaboy79 · 2021-10-16T22:39:21+00:00

The answer is instinct. Women's maternity is never in question but men's paternity was unknown until DNA testing made it available to be found out. So when it comes to women's sexual past you are hard wired to be be repulsed by female promiscuity because is is a bad bet for paternity.

The same is true for women being hard wired to be repulsed by a man who can't provide or is sharing their provisions with another person.

fastcarsandguitars18 · 2021-10-18T22:50:46+00:00

The real answer is BEFORE she met you ! You shouldn't be judging someone on their past, you may have a past too, If she's loyal to you, then that's all that matters. Who cares what she did before, its irrelevant. It's also none of your business

Above3162 · 2021-10-16T10:49:03+00:00

Because you feel she will never be completely loyal to you because she’s easy

Tall_Butterscotch_32 · 2021-10-16T08:56:57+00:00

Men looks at women's Past Women looks at men's Future

It's natura.l the more sexual female been involved the more damaged they had.afterall the body is women pride and if she gave it out like Candy anyone can get it then our mind says it has no value.

IGetBoredSometimes23 · 2021-10-16T06:42:07+00:00

Yes, it's insecurity. Either get over it or look into ethical non-monogamy.

Or have the third option of being with an inexperienced person who won't be nearly as knowledgeable in bed.

mafiosomonkey · 2021-10-16T11:16:16+00:00

A key that can open any lock is an exceptional key, a lock that can be opened by any key is just a shitty lock.

burncushlikewood · 2021-10-16T08:14:24+00:00

This is called retroactive jealousy, you feel that your relationship is threatened because of her sexual past. Women have the freedom to make their own sexual choices, but you shouldn't let her past corrupt your relationship now, just as long as she is faithful and you're happy you should be able to look past it. Just communicate with your partner and work through your jealous feelings.

ApartMeet · 2021-10-16T16:28:19+00:00

The fact that she was hooking up with other guys whiling dating you is unacceptable. A woman willing to do that is low class trash that deserves to be left on the streets. And sexual past matters more than the culture would want you to.

chethelesser · 2021-10-16T11:21:59+00:00

this isn't healthy

Why? Perfectly reasonable feeling

dude123nice · 2021-10-16T16:36:38+00:00

Mad respect for keeping the "women are into men who treat them poorly" stereotype alive! XD

Uberslaughter · 2021-10-16T13:04:38+00:00

Grow up and get over yourself.

If you can’t handle that women will have had other partners before you regardless of timeframe before you encounter them, you’re not mature enough to date.

Seems like you need to work on yourself before more skirt chasing.

2021-10-16T09:42:11+00:00

Maybe, just maybeeee you’re being slightly gaslit about how you feel because women have a difficult time putting themselves in a man’s shoes. You’re allowed to want to explore your sexuality like she did. It’s not jealousy of her it’s shame within yourself. A real partner will understand this and help you find what you really need, even if it’s threesomes or poly life 🤷🏻‍♂️

Theory_Agile · 2021-10-16T14:14:57+00:00

We need her number for context, but dude its way harder for men to get laid than women, its literally the difference between night and day. So yes you have all reason to be upset. Shes basically just givibg it up to anyone. She has no respect for herself bro. And thats a bad sign for the future. You want a woman that has a really low body count. The higher her number the hardernit is for these women to be inprinted on. Think about how many guys shes stared in the eyes while getting railed lol. Completely a deal breaker. I dont care who gets offended. A slut is a slut bro

Agreeable_Occasion13 · 2021-10-16T14:58:39+00:00

Not good nymphomaniac, break away.. Find a reliable partner.

ttrrraway · 2021-10-16T16:25:00+00:00

Men are women are different; women look for a man taller than them, with more money, more successful, etc.

Do men care about those things? Usually not, but they do care about their girl not being a whore. I think it's perfectly valid to expect that the woman who chose you because you are more successful and stronger than her was not a cheap slut in her past.

Nothing wrong with that, don't listen to those who talk about double standards. Think about it this way: if you are broke no woman will care about you; similarly, you are not supposed to care for those women who slept with half of your city if you don't want to.

Again, perfectly valid line of thinking and I think it's all the opposite of insecurity; it's knowing what you want and if what you want is a woman with a low past body count, then you go for that.

theclassywino · 2021-10-16T06:51:04+00:00

You’re insecure.

Ok_Buffalo_9238 · 2021-10-27T11:34:55+00:00

OP, you’re entitled to any dealbreaker you want. You don’t want a girl who’s slept with over 10 dudes in her life - that’s fine! You don’t want a girl who can run over 10 miles at once or has eaten over 10 hamburgers in her life - that’s fine too! Just own it and be up front and honest.

But, fudging the numbers on past “body count” is probably one of the most common and understandable lies from a human nature standpoint. Women get shamed for having the same sexual experiences that are considered “part of growing up” for men. We’ve internalized a ton of shame for our sexual experiences and many of us have learned to fudge and edit (maybe not tell outright whoppers) this aspect of our past even if we’re 100% truthful in all other areas of life.

Also, as we get older, people tend to accumulate more life experience, including sexual experience (especially with dating apps making it easy to meet people). Meeting an attractive, sociable, non-religious, never-been-married 35yo woman who has slept with less than 10 men is harder than meeting a virgin in college / early 20s, especially if you live in a larger city.

Let me ask y’all this: if you were a MAN who has slept with heaps of women (including some escorts) and your future wife - a relatively sexually inexperienced woman - kept prodding about your sexual past, what would your story be?

ChangeMindstates · 2021-10-16T13:16:48+00:00

It's normal, go for a partner with low mileage or none. Aint no one want a ride that's ran through unless you're only taking it out for a joyride.

itsBonnBonn · 2021-10-16T16:23:10+00:00

Shit like this is why women lie

iamushu · 2021-10-16T15:19:06+00:00

Simple.

Because a man cares about the woman's past and women cares about a man's future.

itsBonnBonn · 2021-10-16T16:22:52+00:00

Lol get over it You grown And so is she

garrettcw18 · 2021-10-16T19:56:45+00:00

Men are concerned with a girls past. Women are concerned with a mans future.

willgo-waggins · 2021-10-16T22:55:21+00:00

You sound almost like a carbon copy of me.

I find that when I am living loose and free and single (I actually am normally a swinger at these times), I have zero issues with sharing/swapping with fun times companions and others’ wives/gf’s and never sweat it for a second.

When I am together in a relationship (with a couple of exceptions in the past of wife and gf who were also swing partners) I have a tendency to get very possessive. And as much as I have tried to get away from that (it’s not exactly jealousy as much as an ownership/property kind of thing) I find it very difficult to overcome that basic instinctual urge.

My advice is to keep trying to recognize this tendency in yourself and try to work through it. Talk to the people close to you that you trust and even some counseling if you feel that would be helpful.

And there is nothing wrong with pushing your boundaries some and exploring open relationship with someone that you enjoy being with/around but don’t have as a real live interest to try to expand your tolerance.

Title	Why do I care about my partner’s sexual past?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	125
Comments	191
Date	October 16, 2021 3:47 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/q948ip/why_do_i_care_about_my_partners_sexual_past/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/why-do-i-care-about-my-partners-sexual-past.1274254 https://theredarchive.com/post/1274254

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