I think I realized why I'm so shit at this.

puaCurveBall · 2012-06-29T18:40:19+00:00

I'm scared to go out, scared to approach, eject at the first sign of adversity, rarely escalate, never close anything, get easily discouraged by failure.

STOP IT!!!

forcing myself through the motions of forming relationships until doing so seems natural to me

Um yeah dude, it is like that for everyone.

boomstickface · 2012-06-29T21:09:06+00:00

dude, fuck that shit. you are the shit. your ancestors killed rhinoceri and saber toothed tigers to survive and skeet you out into a vagina. you are the product of badasses making you, yourself, a badass.

"not part of my reality" - gtfo. you are awesome. you need to get out there and kick the ass that needs to be rightfully kicked because you are awesome. it's as simple as that.

baaaark · 2012-06-29T19:28:23+00:00

You're being too hard on yourself. Let go, relax and smile. Let the pressure fall away. Life in general is very not-caring. Almost all of pressure you have to succeed is being put on you by yourself. Eliminate the feeling that you want something from the girl in question, and you will eliminate your fear. It sounds counter-intuitive, but sometimes doing the opposite of what you think you should gets you the results you want.

Also if fear is your problem try reading about meditation. It's been around for over 3000 years for a reason. I've been doing it some, and I've gotten to the point where I can be in a low-stress situation and completely turn it off for a while as long as I hold center. With enough practice I'm sure a person could find calm in a firestorm, maybe for even an unlimited amount of time.

ol_greggory · 2012-06-29T18:38:12+00:00

He brings up a good point; you're own personal life outside of 'gaming' and meeting new people? Got any hobbies that you're passionate about? If not, you need to start there. After that, try new hobbies/activities.

I'll give you an example: I went to a concert by the river this past Saturday. It was with a friend who I don't get to hang out with one-on-one much, so that made it different and fun. The concert was a bluegrass/alternative type thing. I never knew how much I liked bluegrass UNTIL I laid down to sleep that night. I realized I had a BLAST with a great guy at a place that I might not have ever considered going to if it weren't for finding seddit and realizing that I needed to get out of my comfort zone.

kony3012 · 2012-06-29T19:44:58+00:00

[permanently deleted]

fish619407 · 2012-06-30T01:25:52+00:00

Don't be ashamed of internet hookups. OKCupid is the bees kness.

throwawayKino · 2012-06-29T21:28:12+00:00

Yeah, that's how everyone started. We were all giant nerds playing star craft 2 all day

Btw, you explain that you can't escalate etc... But your meant to learn small chunks at a time, it's not like you transform into Tyler durden in one night /day

Solution: the first step is to eye contact, ignore the escalation and even approaching. Do that after you get eye contact sweet

If you can't do that then you should work on inner game instead. Usually inner game solves outer game anyways. Goodluck and have fun

RedPosterboard · 2012-06-29T18:23:06+00:00

Join a local PUA community. It's way more than meeting girls, it's more like a brotherhood. They will understand you and take care of you and open up to you. One of the best things I've done for myself ever.

Also, I don't mean to sound like a dick, but get a life. Get a real life with activities you like to do such as hitting a gym, dancing, etc., things that will actually help you get outside of your own headspace.

When things are easier for you, strongly consider date coaching or a bootcamp. I did both and the quality instructors can not only teach you outer game, but also inner game which sounds like it's something you need more of. Consider starting meditation to learn to properly relax.

Keep at it bro. I was somewhere close to where you are four years ago, and I did many of the things I've listed here and have banged closed to 30 girls in the period I've been active, and never more before than this this last half year. If you work alone to begin with and not with a coach you'll lose time which is so precious. I cannot recommend it strongly enough - work with guys who are experienced and it will save you years. When you see the pattern of picking up, you'll understand how it works for a lifetime, and as you get more experience the rate and quality of girls that you pick up will increase impressively.

Good luck, man :)

Manny_Rize · 2012-06-29T21:08:46+00:00

From a fellow loner i'd recommend you make friends before you get serious about seduction. Although it's not necessary your current beliefs and self image wont take you very far.

You can try as hard as you can to to change your self image while your in solitude but even if you succeed you'll be snapped back like a rubberband in no time. Again and again, thats the struggle that awaits you unless you experience a different reality firsthand.

silverflashh · 2012-06-29T21:31:54+00:00

You are not alone. I've often been told by my buddies and other people that I'm very charismatic and sociable but what they do not realize is that I am naturally very anxious in social situations. Everyone out there is faking it to some degree.

2012-06-29T22:24:59+00:00

please don't think like this. have confidence and remember small balls will be punished!

tripreporter · 2012-06-29T23:55:45+00:00

I faked it till I made it, had swx with a lot of beautiful women and ended up treating them like shit. I realized that I would be a happier and more well rounded person if I dealt with the reasons why I felt that I didn't deserve a woman that I was truly attracted to.

In part I realized I had socialization issues and serious issues with self esteem. I dug down deep and dealt with the underlying causes of why I felt unworthy of having what I wanted and why I felt I was not worth having. It's made a huge impact in not only my love life but in my character and personality. I truly am a better and more attractive person for it. It's fun to have sex with women, but it's even more fun to let out your true self (you know the person who your family knows) and have them attracted to you.

So I say fake it till you make it, after a while you might feel a bit empty and that your moral standards are starting to slip. This is the time to start questioning why you think you're not good enough for what you want. (psychologists help! don't be afraid of them)

BinaryShadow · 2012-06-30T04:12:24+00:00

Outcome independence, brother. Go out with the intention of getting shot down. I'm in the same situation with my friends (or lack of) and have been forced down the solo-path out of necessity. Go out there, don't drink too much, and you'll live to tell the tale. Put up a FR and we'll chisel your game like the armchair pimps we all are :)

SwordsToPlowshares · 2012-06-29T20:14:53+00:00

What exactly are you scared of? Are you afraid of being rejected, of being judged negatively? Do you think other people will think you're embarassing? Do you often spend hours scrutinizing your own actions, thinking about whether you said or did something embarassing in front of other people?

lemonbrains · 2012-06-29T22:02:28+00:00

It was alien for everyone at one point. Just shut your brain off before talking to a girl. You can't think while your actually playing your game because that's when you fuck up and doubt yourself.

You think afterwards. Reflect. Realize what you can improve on and what would have been a better approach for that situation. Replay it over and over in your head so that you'll know to do it during your next game.

It's taken the best guys years and years of practice. Expect to fail... a lot, but it's all a good time, because at the end of the day, you're still the shit.

Brumbee · 2012-06-29T23:46:28+00:00

This is why inner game should come first. Your confidence is low so you need to examine your life and find reasons to love yourself. If you can't then you should damn well be able to go out and make this happen. Volunteer, travel, pursue some higher education. Then work on being a great person that adds value to your friends' and family's lives. Then the girls, if they haven't already lined up to get with you, will be just another relatively simple step.

WoohooRobot · 2012-06-30T00:45:26+00:00

Your brain is so used to this attitude of you being shit. That's because you keep telling yourself that. Change it to I'm a bad ass. Failure is only a lesson. The next time you go out or approach. Its going to be easier. You will change the wiring in your brain and the brain doesn't know the difference between faking it or when its made it. You will notice that it will get easier. I would recommend doing what you have a passion for, join a group, and just put yourself out there.

duxjason · 2012-06-30T16:07:09+00:00

married guy speaking here:

obviously im out of the game for seduction but can offer some words for getting more friends:

since moving to a new city every several years, i have found that meeting people and getting new friends is facilitated by playing sports with like-minded people (what i mean are more focus on playing then super competition). I have found many martial art gyms/schools that have an abundance of people that want to hang out...

and building off that, many of my friends in my dojo, have met some of there girlfriends in the school or friends of friends...

just a thought and hope it helps

chikinpickle · 2012-06-29T23:57:39+00:00

Hey asshole! Make your own fucking reality! Good, now that I have your attention you create your reality. So be attractive, and escalate the shit out of things. You have nothing to lose by escalating.

vinniedamac · 2012-06-30T01:41:16+00:00

Are you me? I have a lot of these same problems.

D33D33 · 2012-06-29T21:33:51+00:00

It WILL get easier when you start forcing yourself to get over it and start taking the first steps.

Supajin · 2012-06-29T22:01:08+00:00

I can relate, I just don't overthink / stress about it and relax though

VivaCheeseWhiz · 2012-06-30T00:04:56+00:00

I'd say that we all have our own learning curve, and you should just write out your goals and immerse yourself into mini-challenges of various social situations. Don't beat yourself up, an insatiable, desperate lust to get the pussy will only trip you up. It's all paradox, and takes a while to find the perfect balance.

sthree · 2012-06-30T02:08:47+00:00

You need to face your fears, go into a meditative retreat, go deep within, for you can't fake it when you're that deep without failing. You need first to gather yourself, then you may try and faking it, but I wouldn't even recommend it, I think you should be so aware that you'd become magnetic, this seems to me to be the path for guys like you. You'll only succeed if you first face your fears, otherwise, imo, you're sincerely doomed.

jasonhchoi · 2012-06-30T05:21:50+00:00

What you describe sounds EXACTLY like new entrepreneurs who decide to go out on their own.

It triggers tremendous fear, anxiety, etc. This is bound to happen because you are going beyond what is familiar, and that is psychologically terrifying at least at first. But as you get through it, you will discover you are changing even if it's just one step at a time.

While this video doesn't address seduction specifically, the principles apply in seduction just as equally:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zsWI757qwcI

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HD7If2zJPDI

I also created this post to help people address such emotional issues that get in your way: http://redd.it/ulp08

See if it helps you!

takenoshit1 · 2012-06-30T05:47:59+00:00

I've been reading a lot about how to get confidence with women on here, but there is a big part about confidence that is missing. Confidence is not just about interacting with women. It goes way beyond that. For now set this whole seduction bullshit aside and find your confidence by other means. To me, Confidence is about having you own values, and standing by them. So what ever you are passion about it continue to pursue it and defend it. And by that I mean, get into arguments, trust me! you need to do this. Stand up what you think is right. Even if your voice shakes, and you are shitting in your pants, get into an argument. For example, lets say your neighbor does not pick up his dogs shit, and that really bothers you. Call him out on it, tell him to pick up the shit and throw it away. Everyday find ways for you not be so passive. If the Starbucks girl got your drink wrong, tell her she made it wrong(politely though, the point is you are standing up to what is right for you), If someone cuts in a line in front of you, call him out on it. Avoid the passive aggressiveness, and BE aggressive. Get into arguments!!! Trust me!! You are gong to feel so much better about yourself....

colucci · 2012-06-30T06:52:29+00:00

Fake it till you make it has been my policy for years now. No, I'm not that much of a happy person, nor do I think I'm a perfect 10. But you're as happy as your mind sets you out to be and not giving a fuck / fake confidence is about as good as the real thing. Everytime I contemplate staying in and lurking Reddit for the night, I think of what I could have potentially missed if I went out. Life is short, make your own adventure, go out of your comfort zone and go meet new people. Otherwise you've just wasted your day.

Godspeed, dude.

2012-06-30T11:29:55+00:00

I am also very much like this, and it's the biggest problem I have with my life. I'm not outgoing but I want to do be. The main tip is to just force yourself to step out of your comfort zone, right?

0nired · 2012-06-30T02:20:28+00:00

I get drunk, Then approach, It works, once in awhile

callmechad · 2012-06-30T03:22:37+00:00

dont think about it when u she a hot girl. say fuck it n go talk to her. you may never see her again n if u mess up thats a good thing! its just like doing something new. you suck at it until u put enough time in

Title	I think I realized why I'm so shit at this.
Author	_saint
Upvotes	125
Comments	67
Date	June 29, 2012 6:06 PM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/vt05o/i_think_i_realized_why_im_so_shit_at_this/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-think-i-realized-why-im-so-shit-at-this.1334875 https://theredarchive.com/post/1334875

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