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[–]mintpint 17 points18 points19 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
My first ever break up was when I was 15. He broke up with me in one text message. I sent one reply to confirm that I received this message, turned my phone off, and went on a 3-mile run. This completely changed the way I viewed emotional distress for the rest of my life, especially in relationships. It’s so comforting to know how much control you truly have over your own body and how the physical really informs the emotional. It’s okay to have tough feelings, they’re important, but the prolonged suffering is not mandatory.
[–]tjger 68 points69 points70 points 8 years ago (24 children) | Copy Link
I would understand the whole deal about scarcity and alpha thing.
However I read what he wrote:
I cried about feeling alone and feeling that he would be alone for a long time
This is being real. This is being vulnerable. This is accepting that he is a human being that has needs. I don't really like that bit of being alone for a long time. But again, it's a feeling, and feeling hopeless and bad from time to time ain't really that bad.
"The real journey begins when the false self fails"
[–]MarcusAurelius78 -3 points-2 points-1 points 8 years ago (19 children) | Copy Link
Dude you can try to paint it any way you can but crying over ONE DATE is just pathetic. It’s not sexy or manly to women, not even in the slightest.
[–]petriomelony 50 points51 points52 points 8 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
you're not wrong, but you we also don't know the story of the original writer. for all we know this was the latest in a long string of flakes, but the first one he overcame instead of letting himself go through the depressed motions of smoking /drinking /binge eating.
a lack of empathy is not attractive either, in my opinion.
[–]MarcusAurelius78 -1 points0 points1 point 8 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
He did everything great including a great idea to exercise when things don’t go his way. But then it went downhill when he said he cried to his friend on the phone over one freaking date. It’s just sad and embarrassing behavior which shows he’s still not ready to be in a relationship.
[–]dontdoit4thegram 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Did you choose not to comprehend what petriomelon said or did it just go over your head. Sad/embarrassing call it what you may, doesn’t necessarily make it true. Emotions are complex. Why limit them by labeling them using such words. It’s most definitely not that black and white. Secondly and most importantly, you don’t know what that guy has been through.
[–]MarcusAurelius78 -2 points-1 points0 points 8 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
I’m not going to sit here and debate all day long, crying over one date is cringy and not manly. End of story.
[–]dontdoit4thegram 5 points6 points7 points 8 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
there’s a phrase called the straw that broke the camel’s back. one day it may happen to you.
what is not manly is spewing arrogance based on pure stupidity.
[–]MarcusAurelius78 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
It already happened to me but I was in a 5 year relationship, this guy is crying over ONE date though. You’re just as pathetic as him for defending this cringy beta behavior!
[–]dontdoit4thegram 1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Lmao man is that girl lucky. Yea you’re a complete idiot.
[–]MarcusAurelius78 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Lol ok 👍
[–][deleted] 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
He did a fantastic thing by taking his depression and releasing it through running, I applaud him for that. But I will never say “good job” to a guy crying over one date. And let’s be realistic most guys on here are because they want more women, we are literally evolved monkeys trying to outdo one another for the best prize which is an attractive women.
But hey keep denying reality and protect that fragile little feminine ego you have.
[–]rutierut 4 points5 points6 points 8 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
For someone who's username has Aurelius' name in it you appear quite ignorant. Who knows this might be the straw that broke the camels back, not everyone is a hyper-enlightened stoic with a base-line inner happiness that cannot be compromised by any external events. Furthermore I think your concern with whether or not expressing one's feelings openly is sexy or manly is quite unhealthy. You don't know this persons path, do not assume to.
[–]MarcusAurelius78 1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
For someone who referenced Aurelius and obviously knows who he is you should then know that someone like Aurelius would pity a fool who cries over one date. His entire philosophy was to be strong and not let little things get to you.
But because I think it’s pathetic a man cries over one date I must be ignorant right? If you think crying is manly you have no idea how to get women and most likely never will. The irony of this is that you are the ignorant one. You dismiss my opinion like it’s nothing but are completely okay with crying like a little bitch?
You’re cringy and embarrassing!
[–]rutierut -1 points0 points1 point 8 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I do absolutely not think that crying over one date is OK (do you think the author of this piece does? ), neither do I think crying is manly. You seem to be a bit bothered by my reaction, why are you so angry? I am not under the illusion that everyone is able to choose how he or she reacts to an event, it is a skill that took me time and effort for to learn. I am very happy that this is my current state and I do pity the people who have not reached it. You could be a little more understanding to this guy for someone who reacts like this to a reddit comment. Furthermore if you are talking about what Aurelius would think: I think he would not approve of talking down people who are trying hard to solve their problems but are not yet as far along as you are.
You perceive me as angry and bothered due to your insecurity. In reality I’m just very straightforward and say exactly what’s on my mind which I can tell you’re clearly not used to it. I’m not going to baby a man and with a soft voice get him to understand that crying over one date is embarrassing. I’m going to tell him the harsh truth because that’ll help him grow more than trying to baby him.
Please stop it sounds like you’ve read a couple quotes on Aurelius and now you think you know who he is? The guy was a fucking general, a leader of men, he killed people and had people killed, he would absolutely laugh at a man crying over a date and he would deem that man inferior and not allow him to be part of his army. If you actually read his book you’d see that he was brutally honest and if the time called for it he gave honest advice. It’s not like I went out of my way to ridicule OP like you’re implying, he asked for a discussion and got one.
It is MY OPINION that crying over one date is not something you can excuse it’s too pathetic, what’s concerning is WHY are you so bothered by my personal opinion? You stick to what you think works for you and I’ll do the same, stop getting butthurt because someone else has a differing opinion.
[–]rutierut -1 points0 points1 point 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
"laugh at and deem inferior"? Come on man you should actually read something like meditations for once, your writing style would conventionally be interpreted as angry, I don't know you so I could be wrong but then again up until this point you have called me a butthurt insecure person that wil never get a girl so...
[–]MarcusAurelius78 -1 points0 points1 point 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I only have 3 copies of it but keep making dumb assumptions it just shows me I’m speaking to an inferior man. Just like Aurelius I also don’t concern myself with how you interpret my tone and writing style, that’s your perception and that’s out of my control so I don’t put any thought into that.
I mean you are here and you post a lot so I assume you’re not there yet in terms of success with the ladies? I’m not here to “learn” I already know how to play the game but I’m here to tell guys what they need to hear and not what they want to hear.
Let’s just put it this way, if you could see what I look like and could see the women I have been with you would simply say to me “what’s your secret” and would listen rather than try and debate me about how my tone comes off or other meaningless things that don’t help anyone improve.
I’m not here to spare your feelings, I’m here to give honest feedback even if it’s harsh at times.
[–]tjger 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If you take "ONE DATE", of course it is. I am assuming OP is better than that. IDK, it's probably my own choice, as it was yours to decide that he was overreacting.
It could have been the straw that broke the camel's back as well.
In any case, cheers.
[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Sure. But we've all been there. Or at least most of us have. It happens. It's how you get over it that matters.
[–]MarcusAurelius78 1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I agree I don’t dispute that it hasn’t happened to most people BUT most people that cried were in long term relationships, marriages, etc and didn’t cry over ONLY ONE DATE, that’s just embarrassing.
[–]circlhat -5 points-4 points-3 points 8 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
This is being real. This is being vulnerable.
Being real yes, and vulnerable isn't a good thing, vulnerable means open to attack, when you own your insecurities you aren't being vulnerable you are wearing it as your Armour.
This entire notation that I need to be vulnerable is stupidity
[–]tjger 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Vulnerable in the Mark Mansons' Models book sense.
[–]circlhat 1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I don't agree with his redefinition of the word vulnerable , it's like we have to redefine words to fit what women have been saying, It doesn't lead to true understanding of ones self
I use the actual dictionary definition
susceptible to physical or emotional attack or harm.
It's ok, we can have different opinions. The definition I used follows the definition from the book I mentioned, which is recognized by a vast amount of people in this community, so I guess the message is clear at least to them.
Cheers.
[–]throwawaylilbastard 115 points116 points117 points 8 years ago* (37 children) | Copy Link
I think the fact that he cried and pushed his bad feelings away from his mind makes him more alpha than some guys of this sub. Period.
[–]HoodJiminyCricket 74 points75 points76 points 8 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
Letting out a cry = cortisol reduction = gains = alpha
[–]BubbleBathGorilla 57 points58 points59 points 8 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Aww fuk, brb watching Aragorn tell the hobbits "you bow to no one" on repeat post workout for maximum gains
[–]grantmoore3d 7 points8 points9 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Your comment made me laugh uncontrollably, thanks.
[–]TheDanima1 3 points4 points5 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Just wept for Boromir a few hours ago. Gains engaged
[–]InFa-MoUs 3 points4 points5 points 8 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Wait is this true?? Crying reduces cortisol??
[–]AshyBoneVR4 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Asking the real question.
[–]HoodJiminyCricket 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yes
[–]ethical_pa 25 points26 points27 points 8 years ago (25 children) | Copy Link
I'm not sure if being alpha is the issue here. If he is crying about a flake, he is in serious scarcity mode.
I get that it's a bit of a catch 22; you have to get out of scarcity to not act like you are in scarcity. This is why so much of this sub is focused on self improvement and self acceptance. Finding inner drive and contentment will achieve this. Crying about a flake shows he isn't in the right mind set yet.
But you know, it could be good. Maybe he needed to let it out to start making his way up from rock bottom.
[–][deleted] 8 years ago* (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]circlhat 1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
the straw that breaks the camel's back.
People have mental issues, it's a real concern if he is crying over some chic he don't even know and that is the straw he needs mental help at that point.
she probably saw earlier signs that she didn’t like.
Blaming him for nothing, we often do this with guys who have trouble with women, look, she probably found someone she liked better, got to drunk, who cares
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas 2 points3 points4 points 8 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
____1____
the straw that breaks the camel's back. People have mental issues, it's a real concern if he is crying over some chic he don't even know and that is the straw he needs mental help at that point.
Is there any reason we should take you seriously?
You didn't read what he wrote, and what I quoted. He didn't cry over the girl.
He said:
I cried about feeling alone and feeling that I would be alone for a long time.
If feeling bad about being alone is a mental issue, it's a pretty common human one.
Most of the guys who end up here are suffering from that "mental issue."
But no. Loneliness is not a huge mental issue.
And showing the emotional intelligence to deal with his emotions as he did, was actually constructive. Feeling and releasing the emotions is better than holding them in and denying them. There is a shit ton of research that holding your emotions inside leads to bad things like ulcers.
____2____
Could be.
But I don't see the point in speculating on what that is.
And I don't see the value in you litigating this with me. I'm not him. And there's literally NOTHING in the post about what that guy did before the girl flaked.
I also think you should question why it is that you feel the need to come down on someone who found a way to channel their emotions into something good for themselves (exercise and healthy release of emotions).
You should question why your focus is on something that isn't even a part of the post (the part before she flaked), when the post was about how someone did something better than wallow in their cave and tear themselves down in solitude.
Up to you man
I went for a job interview, I didn't get the job, so I went home and cried about being broke. He is crying because he doesn't have a girl, would he had of cried if she didn't flake but turn out to be the love of his life, I think we both know the answer.
Breaking down into tears isn't normal, I'm not some strong person, But I never cried in this scenario, I know we all different and unique but this type of action point to deep seeded problems
And showing the emotional intelligence to deal with his emotions as he did, was actually constructive. Feeling and releasing the emotions is better than holding them in and denying them.
Perspective of reality is healthy, I never cried because I never felt I was a loser or something was wrong with me, I never felt the need to improve myself but to learn about women, I never viewed it as failure but as learning, When I don't succeed I try again, when he doesn't succeed he breaks down in cries, do you really believe his mindset is healthy.
You brought it up, I called you on it because to many guys on this sub think there is something wrong with them and they need to improve themselves to be worthy of women, this is why they take rejection so hard, they take it personally , I never took it personally because I always felt good enough, if she saw something she didn't like, it was a mute point.
also think you should question why it is that you feel the need to come down on someone who found a way to channel their emotions into something good
I never call this guy a loser, beta, or any names, I said he has mental issues which he does, we all have mental issues with certain things in our lives(I got issues too), breaking down in crying does tells me a lot about him, this isn't a attack it's a reality he needs to not take failure to hard.
the post was about how someone did something better than wallow in their cave and tear themselves down in solitude.
He did wallow though, nothing wrong with crying, but he did wallow, a 6 mile run is nice, probably should of just did a six mile run, got back on tinder, okcupid or whatever he did and starting the process over, while crying can be healthy being productive is 10x better
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas 1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
But I never cried in this scenario, I know we all different and unique but this type of action point to deep seeded problems
Context is everything. Let's say that a guy lost his son to cancer yesterday. Let's say that he went to a comedian's show the next night and there were jokes about cancer and he lost his shit and started crying.
Is that guy weak? Would we say that he has "deep-seated" problems? Maybe not.
Now answer me this. What do you know about this guy's history before the girl flaked? What can you say about his history that isn't speculation and assumption?
I never felt I was a loser or something was wrong with me
This is great and all, but that's not necessarily what the guy was struggling with.
He literally said he felt lonely. Have you never felt lonely? If so, then you can surely understand the impact this can have, especially if the loneliness has lasted a long enough time.
He expressed an irrational belief that he might be lonely for a long time. Irrational beliefs are a common part of the human condition. Are you say that you've never had to grapple with an irrational belief or negative self-talk?
I've seen guys who have their shit relatively together, have to grapple with occasional despair at loneliness or irrational negative self-talk, even while they were otherwise regularly dating around.
____3____
But I don't see the point in speculating on what that is. You brought it up
You brought it up
What I brought up is that this post is about a guy who went running instead of going to his comfort food, booze, or smoking. And then he released some pent-up emotions, which anyone can accumulate if they feel emotions like a person.
And yet, a lot of guys have been compelled to focus on the crying.
breaking down in crying does tells me a lot about him, this isn't a attack it's a reality he needs to not take failure to hard.
It might not be this simple; You seem to think that the issue is how he views failure. But we have no way to know if this is really a factor or the only factor.
He could be having a lot of shit at school or work or stress from family issues. Any number of other factors could lead to someone being emotional.
We lack context. And no way to get it, either. This is why it's a waste of time to speculate about it.
[–]ethical_pa 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
Looking back on this thread, I can see that it's turned a bit into a "THAT'S NOT ALPHA!" shaming of an emotional response. That wasn't the intent of my comment. Just that his reaction is indicative of a less than ideal mental state; not something that should be held up as an exemplar.
Even if you take out the part about him crying. If you are flaked on, coming from abundance, you probably would have other options in your phone that you could maybe set something up with last minute. If that doesn't work, you likely have friends you can go to diner with, and have a drink with. Your intent was to go out and socialize, so you should hopefully have options. It's not that intense running is a bad reaction per se, but if you need to do that to work off the intense negative feelings due to being flaked on... It seems like scarcity to me.
But you are right, somebody in abundance could still be in a bad emotional state and have such an extreme reaction. The tone suggested the contrary to me, but that's my impression.
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Just that his reaction is indicative of a less than ideal mental state; not something that should be held up as an exemplar.
I'd agree that crying at the drop of a hat is not be a good state to be in.
But I see what was depicted above, as more of a "straw that broke the camel's back." Like he's been out of alignment and holding shit in for too long and not taking care of himself.
It also has a lot with the sorts of values one has. Or how someone defines themselves.
In that situation, crying or some similar release is most certainly healthy. I think we'd agree though, that the person in question should take the opportunity to make changes of some kind to their life and mindset(s), so that a flake wouldn't be triggering a response like that.
[–]throwawaylilbastard 13 points14 points15 points 8 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
Maybe that's his "hook". Maybe he tried so hard for that date. Dont judge before you knoe exactly what happened.
[–]ethical_pa 16 points17 points18 points 8 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
Sure, there are a million maybes as to why he had such an extreme reaction from just a flake. The conclusion shouldn't be "be like this dude" though. So weird.
[–][deleted] 12 points13 points14 points 8 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
If a girl flakes on you then use that free time initially allocated for a date, to improve yourself. End it there. Right?
[–][deleted] 8 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Sure.
The way outlined in the picture is not bad.
As an alternative, I often suggest planning the whole meet-up as almost like an after-thought to a planned outing that a guy would really want to go do, even if no one else were with him.
Like going to treat oneself to some delicious food or hitting up a place where they have friends or know the staff there or going to do some activity or a place that they really enjoy.
[–]throwawaylilbastard -1 points0 points1 point 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Meant it for the title, mostly.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It's aight. You don't need to defend yourself. We get the point. Just teasing.
The dude cried over ONE DATE and you posted here telling others “look be like him”. The guy cried over a date, no wonder she flaked in that date she probably saw earlier signs that she didn’t like.
Thank you , the voice of reason, we got guys calling this guy the most alpha men because he has cried, as if weakness is the new strength
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
as if weakness is the new strength
Holding your emotions inside, denying they exist, never releasing them..... this isn't strength. It's brittle.
Now I'm not going to sit here and say that crying makes someone "alpha." Mostly because I think the whole alpha/beta discussion is nonsensical.
But there's a strength in being able to deal with your emotions. And part of that involves being able to release them before they turn inwards and affect one's health or cause social problems for us.
Shit is going to happen. And having a stiff upper lip 100% of the time just isn't realistic. Attitudes like this about emotions are the reason why men have such high rates of suicide and why men are usually the ones perpetrating mass shootings
Men, as boys, teach themselves that men don't cry. And shame themselves for having feelings. And as a gender, it bites us in the ass when those boys grow up into men who think they have to be impervious all the time.
[–]circlhat 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Correct, which is why I never said otherwise, but this type of straw man argument is being presenting to men as if it's one of our issues.
But there's a strength in being able to deal with your emotions.
Correct and breaking down and crying shows you don't have the strength to deal with them
Shit is going to happen. And having a stiff upper lip 100% of the time just isn't realistic.
You don't need to, I wish more men where like women, women say, "There are no good men", men say, "Women are stuck up", we call that man a woman hater, so you see men can't express their true emotion or rant or vent about women without being called a woman hater.
It seems as men we suppose to go home and cry, I don't think this is the answer, you let it out and speak how you feel, crying means you were overwhelmed, a sign of weakness, nothing wrong with being weak but women typically don't date weak men.
Men, as boys, teach themselves that men don't cry.
No, we don't cry because we don't fee like it, nor is it beneficial to us, many women cry because it gets them what they want out of life, I don't cry because it doesn't help me, I come across as more confident if I don't break down. Crying because you don't get your way is a form of manipulation and a poor sport
And as a gender, it bites us in the ass when those boys grow up into men who think they have to be impervious all the time.
Men express themselves with , "Women don't like nice guys", when men express their emotions we redefine their frustration as a form of hate and entitlement, women don't like nice guys is the first step to understanding reality and knowing the rules you were told were fake. The next step is to learn the true definition of the bad boy. Men aren't allowed to express their emotions, we get told what to do, and let me tell you crying ain't the answer, I simply don't want to live in a box with my emotions,feeling I need to cry and be weak as a form of strength is stupidity
Mostly because I think the whole alpha/beta discussion is nonsensical.
Hierarchy exist socially, people at the top have more sexual options,
Holding your emotions inside, denying they exist, never releasing them..... this isn't strength. It's brittle. Correct, which is why I never said otherwise, but this type of straw man argument is being presenting to men as if it's one of our issues.
You agree that these ways of dealing with emotions, are not strength.
But then, how is this not a male issue, when we are taught that "real men don't cry?" We commonly beat it out of ourselves in locker rooms across the Western world. Men all around the world have a history of punishing each other anytime they show sensitivity or anything less than imperviousness. There's too much truth in this bit by Bill Burr.
But there's a strength in being able to deal with your emotions. Correct and breaking down and crying shows you don't have the strength to deal with them
You agree that holding your emotions inside, denying they exist, never releasing them, isn't strength.
Then you turn around and say that acknowledging one's emotions, by crying, is weakness.
women say, "There are no good men", men say, "Women are stuck up", we call that man a woman hater, so you see men can't express their true emotion or rant or vent about women without being called a woman hater.
I think we fundamentally disagree about what dealing with emotions means.
Women complaining about men, men complaining about women, and judgements on men or women who are venting, is not the issue.
Also, dealing with one's emotions would mean dealing with YOURSELF. Attacking men or women is not a sign of dealing with emotions healthily.
____4____
crying means you were overwhelmed, a sign of weakness
Funny thing about crying.
Once you do it, the emotions are typically gone. Burned out of you.
Holding that shit in often makes it last longer. Though I guess one would never know if they typically stop themselves from crying.
____5____
Men, as boys, teach themselves that men don't cry. No, we don't cry because we don't fee like it, nor is it beneficial to us
No, we don't cry because we don't fee like it, nor is it beneficial to us
Flat wrong. Are you really going to say that you lost all memory of all the numerous times in childhood when boys are told they are pussies, gay or weak for showing emotions?
I mean, even if you weren't involved in sports, no one gets through grade school without "learning" this particular lesson.
____6____
women don't like nice guys is the first step to understanding reality and knowing the rules you were told were fake.
False.
It's not "nice guys" that they don't like. It's manipulative guys. The "nice guys" they don't like, are not really "nice." They're guys who didn't make moves. They're guys who thought they could trade nice favors for affection or sex.
Absolutely agree this guy is not an alpha or even close. Real men don’t cry over a freaking date, I can understand a long relationship or marriage but crying over a date? That’s just pathetic.
Crying because a girl flaked on a date is the opposite of being an alpha. An emotionally stable man would’ve just moved on without crying, it’s not like he was married to this chick or even in a relationship.
If you think crying is an alpha male move then you’ve got a lot of work to do.
[–]YesCheese -1 points0 points1 point 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
sniff
[–]circlhat -2 points-1 points0 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
No, I never cried about being rejected, I never cry for emotional things, not because I'm some tough guy, but because I don't think being rejected is that serious, and he got flaked. Wait until he has a one night stand say his dick is to small, and sends you out the door(Note that didn't even make me cry)
Running is great, but has nothing to do with women
[–]hunterpua 6 points7 points8 points 8 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I used to show up really early to wherever area I'm scheduled to see a girl for a date and I would just warm up for the date by doing approaches around that area. There would be times when I'd get an instant date from all that and if the girl I planned to meet up with showed up I'd just get the number then leave to go on the date but if she flaked then I'd just continue the instant date. I think that's a better way of dealing with a girl that flaked as working out because you feel like crap isn't necessarily the best thing to do for your emotional health. The crying part though, yeah that helps.
[+]circlhat -7 points-6 points-5 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
The crying part though, yeah that helps.
Helps you I guess, I never felt the need to cry over women or being lonely and I'm not that strong of a person, he has mental issue
[–]JitsuLife_ 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Is there an r/iamverymanly sub? Because I just found some material
[–]Deep_freeze202 36 points37 points38 points 8 years ago (47 children) | Copy Link
Be like this guy in the sense of using rejection to fuel your drive towards self improvement, not crying like a bitch to your friends about it.
[–]dysrhythmic 61 points62 points63 points 8 years ago (33 children) | Copy Link
"Crying like a bitch" about stuff that really hurts is actually a very healthy thing to do. No really, there's a reason manly men dealing with their emotions alone actually commit more suicides than "emotionally unstable" women.
[–]LuckfullyRS 18 points19 points20 points 8 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
This pickup community, where crying is okay
[–]itsiceyo 2 points3 points4 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
looks like youre new here
[–]MarcusAurelius78 -3 points-2 points-1 points 8 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
And that’s exactly why they are still here lol
[–]MarcusAurelius78 1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
The comment you replied to is literally my first time visiting this sub and commenting. But hey i understand you need to make yourself feel better for having absolutely no success with women. If you knew the kind of women I’ve fucked in my lifetime you’d cry yourself to sleep like that pathetic guy crying over one date.
You know that “old myth” that women like tough men who don’t show weaknesses? That isn’t a myth, that’s what women like dummy!
[–]Deep_freeze202 -1 points0 points1 point 8 years ago (26 children) | Copy Link
I'm not saying dudes should never cry, on the phone with a friend over a girl flaking on a date isn't an acceptable situation to do so. If you need to cry over some shit like that you do it alone then you get over it brush yourself off and move on.
[–]kingofthemonsters 15 points16 points17 points 8 years ago (25 children) | Copy Link
I don't think Op was crying just because he got stood up, I think he was getting at the fact that he was using drugs and alcohol to "push the pain to tomorrow" and the dam finally burst.
As a man who has held in way way way too much in the past I can attest to the dam bursting over something trivial.
[–]Deep_freeze202 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
What does that have to do with crying to your friends about being a forever alone?
[–]kingofthemonsters 1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Everything. The feeling of being forever alone can really weigh on people. I know if I was this guy's friend I wouldn't shun him or call him a pussy for showing human emotions. Where am I at, r/totallynotrobots ?
[–]Deep_freeze202 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Having a heartfelt conversation with a close friend is one thing sobbing like a toddler because you're lonely is something else entirely, it's cringe worthy and will likely only diminish you in the eyes of others.
Let's be honest, who the hell wants to deal with a grown man crying about being single. Losing a family member, close friend, child or something traumatic sure but being single? Really? You'd want to be the guy that gets that phone call? Tell me it wouldn't be awkward and uncomfortable.
[–]kingofthemonsters 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
It would be awkward but so would the "my mom died" conversation.
If a friend wants to open up to me like that then so be it. Guess I'm a better friend.
[–]Deep_freeze202 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
We aren't talking about being the good friend who's there to support their buddy, we're talking about not being the guy who calls his friends and uses them as an emotional tampon because he's single.
[–]kingofthemonsters 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
No, I'm talking about how it's okay for a man to cry from time to time. You are talking about Op.
[+]MarcusAurelius78 -13 points-12 points-11 points 8 years ago (17 children) | Copy Link
Then I’m sorry buddy but you’re not as manly as you think you are. Real men don’t cry over little things, this guy cried over a freakin date flaking on him.
[–]kingofthemonsters 8 points9 points10 points 8 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
Jfc did you even read what I wrote?
A lot of little things plus some big things over time can lead to a big break.
Possibly why some "real men" have heart attacks and crazy high blood pressure. Too busy being fuckin manly to process emotions.
[–]MarcusAurelius78 1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
Actually most heart attacks and crazy high blood pressure is from work related stress and diet / lack of exercise and not from women or relationships. But I understand you’re a beta and you need to protect your little feminine ego, keep it up and that’s why you’ll forever need a forum like this.
Men like you are pathetic. Do you think it’s men like you who win wars and conquer lands? You know the answer to that. Now just apply it to women and you’ll figure out why you have no success with women.
[–]kingofthemonsters 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
But I understand you’re a beta and you need to protect your little feminine ego, keep it up and that’s why you’ll forever need a forum like this.
Happily married, so I don't really need a forum like this. I sub because I believe I have good advice for people who are looking for love.
So kindly fuck off because you don't know me.
Do you think it’s men like you who win wars and conquer lands?
Is the measure of a man just based on aggression, military strategy, or the need to be in total control all the time?
I think we have much different definitions of what being a man is.
[–]MarcusAurelius78 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
Would love to see what you and your wife look like. I think that speaks volumes on whether I should follow your advice or not.
[–]kingofthemonsters 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
I guess we're going to keep this train of hate going. What's your deal son? What's your problem with me? Am I edging in on your territory and you're getting aggro over it? I didn't smell your piss all over this sub.
[–]galak-z 3 points4 points5 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
That's pretty fucking presumptuous of you to act like the gatekeeper of "Real Men". He wasn't crying over a date flaking on him, it was quite obviously a trigger for other emotions he'd been bottling up.
This is why I’ve fucked and continue to fuck women that 99% of men on Reddit would dream of fucking. And this is why you settle for the best you can get because you’re just as pathetic defending a guy who cries over one date.
I love that most men are like you two morons because it makes it so much easier for men like me to get laid, keep it up!
[–]Anaron 1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Enough with the "real men" bullshit. It's obvious that various other factors contributed to his moment of weakness. It's absolutely okay for men to cry. What's seemingly little to one person can be a huge deal to another. Try to have some empathy before you start spouting gate-keeping nonsense.
I can’t have empathy for a guy who cries over one date. I will never be a pathetic man like you so continue to lie to yourself that crying is okay. You think your woman will respect you when she sees you cry over little shit? Pathetic excuse of a man.
[–]Anaron -1 points0 points1 point 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
All you've done so far is project your insecurities. I almost feel bad for you but then again, you're a random internet stranger. Keep it up with the tough guy attitude. Maybe it'll help you cope with your crippling realization that identity hinges on being a Real Man™.
Ok little man cool story!
[–]MarcusAurelius78 2 points3 points4 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Exactly, great idea by using a workout to make up for being down. But terrible idea crying to a friend over one date, I feel bad for the friend who had to listen to a grown man crying like a little bitch over one date.
[–][deleted] 9 points10 points11 points 8 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
“Crying like a bitch.”
You’re the type of guy to get physical real quick because you’re insecure about your own inability to handle your emotions. It’s painfully obvious.
Or maybe he’s just mentally stronger and can’t grasp the fact that out of 3+ BILLION women on this planet this dude chose to cry over ONE DATE AND ONE GIRL.
That’s manly to you?
[–]Deep_freeze202 -2 points-1 points0 points 8 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
No I'm actually the guy who loathes conflict and doesn't dump my insecurities onto my friends.
You on the other hand based on your comment strike me as the exact type you've described, projection much?
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Loathes conflict but calls OP a little bitch? Yeah that’s called cognitive dissonance.
If you act like a little bitch you’ll get called a little bitch. It’s not as philosophical as you think it is, it’s quite simple.
[–]Deep_freeze202 1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I said crying like a bitch, you know what I don't even care why am I wasting my time arguing about crying over the phone to your friends, as if it isn't painfully obvious how completely beta that behavior is.
[–]MarcusAurelius78 2 points3 points4 points 8 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Lol right? I feel like I’m in crazy land where dudes think being manly is crying over one date. Pathetic.
[–]Deep_freeze202 2 points3 points4 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
It blows my mind, why are these dudes even here, they obviously aren't paying any attention.
Seriously? I just woke up today to check replies to my comments and almost every one of my comments calling it sad/embarrassing/pathetic was downvoted meanwhile every comment defending his cringy behavior is upvoted.
It’s pathetic and that’s exactly why most men on here will forever have problems with women. They can’t get past their pride and ego to admit this kind of behavior is not sexy to women, no woman wants her man to cry over little things yet the dummies in here defend it.
I wish I could place these morons in a room full of women and then have them ask the women what they think of it, they’d be in for a very rude awakening when they realize women are even more critical than we are being.
[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point 8 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Expressing your aggression is a healthy thing. It's better to be agressive and loud than to cry. Crying will destroy your reputation. Girls like aggressive guys, and most of them will be turned off by a crying dude. I once was told by a girl that she instantly lost respect for a guy that cried near her without a serious reason. He just got emotional. And I've seen numerous times how even "good girls" positively react to alpha behaviour. So if choosing one behavioural strategy, being vulnurable and emotional is a bad way to go.
Hey man if you're hurting you're hurting, best to talk about it
[–]circlhat 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I use love of my self to self improve, not rejection...
[–][deleted] 14 points15 points16 points 8 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Lol whoa...poor guy has some serious issues if a flake made him cry hysterically
[–][deleted] 39 points40 points41 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That's exactly right. Reading between the lines, this guy is overweight, hence /r/loseit
He has low self esteem and confidence. He feels alone and empty. And this feeling of rejection just reiterated his own views on himself. Feeling unwanted and alone
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Right. Probably the 6-mile run too.
[–]DFriedRice 1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thats what i tough, a flake is not end of the world🤔
[–]GarbageMe 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
And run 6 miles.
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That's crazy lol
[–]Supes_man 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Who else tried to updoot the inside picture and accidentally pulled it up full screen.
[–]pavan2304 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Just don't cry though, deal with rejection as if it's something natural.
[–]Boomslangalang 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I believe this guy was being real yes. Taking this “negative” and turning into a positive was powerful. But I think it’s a big mistake to put so much power over your state of mind in the hands of someone you’ve barely met or may never meet in this case. That’s absurd but obviously homeboy was having a tough week.
However I don’t agree that vulnerability is “stupidity” or “weakness”. Strong people are not afraid to show it. There’s a TED talk on the subject of Vulnerability by Brene Brown that sheds some more light on the subject.
[–]Deep_freeze202 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
WTF is going on here, are we being brigaded by two x or some shit.
The whole goal of this sub is to teach men how to be men, the reason most of us are here is primarily for the purpose of attracting women. Do you want the hard truths or do you want a hugbox safespace to validate your feelings?
Crying to your friends about being a forever alone is not masculine behavior, it's not even debatable.
The goal is to develop attributes and qualities that make one a more balanced man, thus making you more attractive to women. Emotional sensitivity is not one of those attributes despite whatever bullshit feminized crap told you otherwise.
If you aren't going to study the information provided here, and what's worse argue directly against it perhaps you'd be better off getting your advice from BuzzFeed articles.
[–]ImJustSo -1 points0 points1 point 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You're joking right? This is satire, isn't it....
[–]ObsidianOne 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I mean... It's cool that he turned a negative into a positive, but that turned into some weird shit real fast. What's been going on for this poor bastard that a girl flaking makes him feel like he's going to be alone forever? Companionship is desired, but learn to live with yourself and develop some self worth and the rest usually falls into place.
That guy has emotionally invested way too much.
[–]thereitisnow 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
The support this guy is receiving from this subreddit is refreshing. I think a lot of toxic masculinity gets tied into the seduction community. At the end of the day it’s about becoming a better version of yourself and if that means being honest about your weaknesses instead of suppressing them like the “traditional man” then I’m all for it. Masculinity is the ability to be yourself without feeling the need to prove ourself to anyone even frustrated red pillers.
[–]Deep_freeze202 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
"Toxic masculinity"? Seriously don't ever use that dumbass feminist buzzword here again.
[–]thereitisnow 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
Are you denying there’s differing degrees of masculinity? Or do you view the world as black and white?
[–]Deep_freeze202 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
Okay please define what "toxic masculinity" is.
[–]thereitisnow 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
Id define it as any norms of behavior influenced by the image of masculinity that cause harm to people around you or to yourself. Suppression of emotions for example leads to frustrated individuals that engage in violent activity. Most father issues are because a man doesn’t know to how express himself so he parents with his gut reaction of anger. Substance abuse is also a common symptom of trying to conform to traditional masculinity. Buddy you are accepted. You don’t need to be what anyone else tells you to. You are worthy and I promise your life will get better if you stop comparing yourself to the nonexistent perfect man that you were taught to look up to.
What norms of behavior exactly, because none of those things are exclusive to masculinity. Women are statistically more likely to be abusive to their children than fathers. How exactly is substance abuse related to masculinity? The majority of the issues associated with "toxic masculinity" are a direct result of masculinity being vilified in our feminized society alongside men and father's being forced out of the family and the home.
I've got no problems being accepted buddy,I'm not worried about living up to anyone else's expectations and I could not care less if anyone finds me worthy. Not sure what gives you the impression my life is in need of improvement or that I'm comparing myself to any idealized male archetype.
My reason for being here is gaining a better understanding of the female psyche in order to have more fruitful relationships with the opposite sex, there's some good advice that would be beneficial to anyone willing to apply it as well.
It's become obvious you don't know what this sub is about, I get the impression your goals are more aligned with feminism and discrediting TRP.
You could learn a lot here, the first thing you should learn is the difference between the masculine and the feminine. There's nothing "toxic" about being masculine and it's a shame you've been shamed into believing masculine behavior is a negative thing.
[–]thereitisnow -1 points0 points1 point 8 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
It’s clear that you’ve taken a victim mentality when it comes to masculinity in today’s society. The classic trump supporter that thinks whites and men are being persecuted by liberal elites, am I right?
Some norms of behavior would be thinking its not okay to experience or express emotions. I believe it’s more weak to care so much about why people think that you would hide those emotions just to impress those around you. Emotions are a natural part of human life and for some reason they’ve been feminized. Studies have shown that the men that abide by traditional values of masculinity are more likely to abuse drugs and alcohol. When you have apes competing who can drink more alcohol it becomes pretty clear where that leads to. I’d say toxic masculinity is a set of norms that in reality have nothing to do with being a successful male figure.
I definitely believe there’s a healthy set of values that can be based in masculinity. That’s why I’m here and not over at trp. I find it ironic that red pillers have become exactly what they despise and that is perceived victims.
How in the world is stating the obvious taking a victim mentality?
"The classic Trump supporter that thinks whites and men are being persecuted by liberal elites" ah there it is, that tells me everything I need to know about you.
[–]thereitisnow 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
“Stating the obvious” is a slippery slope. So please back the war on men with some facts. I don’t understand the need to start an ideology because they’re might be some discrimination against fathers in courts. The same with feminism. There’s obviously issues every gender, race, ethnicity has to face. Some people have it worse than others. But there’s no need to argue who experienced the worst suffering. The goal should be to listen to everyone.
The problem is when people put others into boxes and think they have everything they need to know about someone after exchanging 4 messages with them.
You're talking about "toxic masculinity" and don't believe it's obvious, what in your opinion are examples of healthy masculinity? On the flip side what about toxic femininity, why do never hear about negative behavior associated with being female.
You want facts, no problem. The education system has become increasingly more geared toward girls, boys who are more apt to learn by hands on experience are chastised for being hyperactive and unruly, often diagnosed as being ADD/ADHD for displaying normal male behavior. I'm sure that leads to some amount of drug use and addiction in later life.
You mentioned family courts albeit in a dismissive manner, I don't think you appreciate just how massive of an impact derives from this one issue. Men are forced out of their children's lives, relegated to being used as little more than a wallet often forced into poverty and berated as deadbeats, how it fuels the suicide statistics for men which btw are far higher than for women. Children growing up without father's and the negative impacts that has on their development. Children of single mothers are far more likely to wind up in prison as well as a litany of other issues which only exacerbates the problems. All it takes is an accusation by a woman to completely destroy a man's life and thanks to title 9 colleges set up their own kangaroo courts where the accused is assumed guilty and often are not even allowed to defend themselves. Men must be very careful when approaching women in a romantic capacity for fear of being accused of harassment or assault. In criminal courts women receive much more lenient punishments for the same crimes.
We're told male spaces are exclusionary and sexist, that patriarchal structures are preventing women from finding success or entering certain fields. Despite that there are no barriers preventing them from doing so outside of their own priorities and choices. Women now make up the majority of college graduates and yet because they don't choose to study in STEM fields it is assumed to be because of sexism, qualified men are passed over in favor of filling positions solely for the sake of "diversity".
There are plenty of examples and I could go on but I think I've made the point. So no being emotionally resilient is not a feature of "toxic masculinity" its a necessity for any man who wants to survive let alone prosper in a society that is increasingly hostile towards men.
[–]brightspark_agency 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
omg thats super crazy lol
[–]Shadowfury957 -1 points0 points1 point 8 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Exercise -> Cry -> Breathing Meditation is magic
(may be ok switching order if you cry before you exercise)
[–]MarcusAurelius78 -3 points-2 points-1 points 8 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
That’s pathetic, why cry?
[–]Shadowfury957 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
I don't have any science to back this up.. but from personal experience and based off intuition it seems to help integrate whatever you went through to make you sad/cry in the first place. Maybe helps recenter you
It seems like a tension release too that feels good (not "happy" good but blissful "good", and although it can be painful.. but trying/forcing resistance to the urge to cry seems like a form of being dishonest with oneself.. and haven't we all heard how suppressing our emotions causes/is related to physical ill health?
Crying seems like not something one "Does" (intends to do and makes it happen) but it is the lack of doing (it seems like an overflow of being, letting go of all intentions).. if you want something to "do".. then meditate focused on your breath. kegel breathing if you want it even more active/yang
Of course crying is great for us sometimes but crying over ONE DATE flaking you? That’s just sad and embarrassing.
[+][deleted] -8 points-7 points-6 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It was off to a good start but then when he said he cried I face palmed.
[+]midnight_toker22 -8 points-7 points-6 points 8 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah, the part where he went out and did something to better himself.
Not the part where he cries his eyes out to a friend because his date flaked...
Edit: lol, just looking at all the comments in this thread that got downvoted vs the ones that got upvoted... it reminds me not to be so annoyed when women complain that “men aren’t men anymore”...
[–]iHasABaseball -1 points0 points1 point 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Overall this thread sucks balls. Mainly because we have a few blowhards in here.
© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.created by /u/dream-hunter
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[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]DFriedRice 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]GarbageMe 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Supes_man 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]pavan2304 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Boomslangalang 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Deep_freeze202 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ImJustSo -1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ObsidianOne 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]thereitisnow 0 points1 point2 points (11 children) | Copy Link
[–]Deep_freeze202 0 points1 point2 points (10 children) | Copy Link
[–]thereitisnow 0 points1 point2 points (9 children) | Copy Link
[–]Deep_freeze202 0 points1 point2 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]thereitisnow 0 points1 point2 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]Deep_freeze202 0 points1 point2 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]thereitisnow -1 points0 points1 point (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]Deep_freeze202 0 points1 point2 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]thereitisnow 0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]Deep_freeze202 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]brightspark_agency 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Shadowfury957 -1 points0 points1 point (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]MarcusAurelius78 -3 points-2 points-1 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Shadowfury957 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]MarcusAurelius78 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] -8 points-7 points-6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[+]midnight_toker22 -8 points-7 points-6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]iHasABaseball -1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link