Yesterday I made this post about my experience in game. Most of the feedback you gave me was about the last point, so I wanted to create a new post to expand on it further.

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My Golden Rule for pickup is simple: Leave them better than you found them. I wish I could take credit for it, but it's something I heard or read somewhere else. Unfortunately, I can't remember where. It's a mantra I carried throughout my time in the game and it always served me well. So well, in fact, that I have expanded it to include not just the women I approach, but every social interaction I have, be it with a woman or a man.

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But what does it mean to leave them better than you found them and how can you possibly do this with every single person you interact with? Ultimately, it comes down to being a value-giver or a value-taker. I like how John Maxwell puts it when he said you can either be a lifter or a stander. I see every interaction I have with someone as an opportunity to make their life, or even just their day, a little bit better. I can make them laugh, teach them something new, be an ear for them to vent to, or simply give them an enjoyable conversation. There are countless ways you can provide value. If I fail at that, then it's likely that I'm actually taking value away. If I'm in a bad mood and let that affect my behavior, ask for favors without reciprocating, or use my words to hurt, just to give a few examples, then I'm actively taking value. When I act in such as way, one would be better off not interacting with me at all.

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So, how is all of this talk about value-giving vs value-taking going to help you get over approach anxiety?

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When I first started with game, I would approach a woman and subconsciously be thinking, Hehehe, I going to go talk to this girl, use the latest techniques I read on seddit, she will think this is actually who I am and she will give me her phone number. In other words, I approached women with the intent of taking value from them (i.e. her attention, her phone number, her time and, if I was lucky, her body). I consider myself a good person, so deep down this didn't sit well with me, even if at the time I couldn't explain exactly why. This feeling manifested itself in the form of approach anxiety. I felt bad that I was taking value without providing value in return, so I would get nervous.

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Over time, I noticed changes in myself that changed my interactions with women. I was on a major self-improvement kick. I was trying new things, pursuing hobbies, traveling, making new friends, killing it at work and getting in better physical shape. As a result, my mindset changed when I would make an approach. I felt excited rather than nervous. Eventually, there came one particular approach where before I took my first step, I thought to myself, this girl doesn't know it yet, but I'm about to make her night. That was my light bulb moment .

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Can you see the difference between the two mindsets I had? As a beginner, I was actively trying to take value and hoping no one would notice. In my new mindset, I was excited to give value. This is what took my game to the next level. Before I made an approach, I would think, I don't know how this interaction will end, but I can guarantee her night will be better for having met me. Once I had that mindset, approaching was easy.

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How do you access that mindset though? I came about it organically and accidentally by actively trying to improve myself as a person. While I highly recommend trying to grow as a person, you can achieve this mindset by living the mantra stated above: Leave them better than you found them. If you walk into every approach with this as your one and only goal, amazing things will happen.