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bigpoppasmooch
[–]whattheglobb1626 141 points142 points143 points 7 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
I've rejected plenty of guys that I was interested in for simply not being in the right head space. This is a good post.
[–]Swappozz 21 points22 points23 points 7 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I dont have lots of girls talking to me but i rejected some for the same reason. Its normal to reject people.
[–]dailymanup 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Can be true
[+]averis1 -30 points-29 points-28 points 7 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
This a troll post..? Reject plenty of suitors you actually do WANT 'cause of not being "in the right head space"?
Just how damn picky are you..? Unbelievable. You were interested too but wouldn't lift a damn finger.. WOW.
[–]TheyH8tUsCuzTheyAnus 10 points11 points12 points 7 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Go whine to your mommy, little boy. Are you here to learn something, or pout about realities you can't change?
[–]ryan_the_traplord 10 points11 points12 points 7 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I could almost guarantee HE is a troll post
[–]Sciuridaeno 3 points4 points5 points 7 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I sure hope he's a troll. Look at his post history. He's either trolling or has some serious deep seated issues regarding women.
[–]95castles 2 points3 points4 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Usually it is a troll, but I think this one may be the latter. I feel bad for the guy and I wish him good health because he seems to be dealing with some mental health issues.
[–]Helenoftroysboytoy 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Don't feed the troll kids
[–]Swappozz 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Its not troll. I want women but that doesnt mean i will talk to every women that can breathe.
[–]Reaver_ 18 points19 points20 points 7 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
I remember watching a Nick Sparks videos, and he talks about the 60-40 rule? or 80-20 rule?... lets just say the 70-30 rule to be safe. Either way, 70% of the time, or the majority of the time when a girl rejects a guy, it's from some extenuating circumstance we don't know about, like what OP listed. Acknowledging that has definitely helped my confidence quite a bit when things don't work out
[–]sivervipa 2 points3 points4 points 7 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
I mean there’s also what Corey Wayne says. Basically if you ask out 100 different women only about 10 will say yes and of those 10 only like 3-4 will want to take it further with you than a first date. It’s basically a numbers game.
That being said when you start picking up subtle signs that show attraction you can hone in on those girls that will say yes to wanting to go out with you. Also the fact that initial attraction isn’t a choice for men or women.
Most of the time people screw things up with people who liked them because of not making a move,texting to much and doing/saying shit that makes you sound clingy,desperate or controlling.
[–]ntipz011 7 years ago [recovered] (4 children) | Copy Link
God damn your odds are very low. 3-4 lays out of 100 opens, gosh.
I'm glad you can learn game and up those numbers.
[–]sivervipa 2 points3 points4 points 7 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Those aren't my numbers they are Corey Waynes. But tbh i find them pretty accurate. Basically that's what he tells beginners to do if they are shy/have Approach anxiety or have been out of the game for a while. Go to a mall(or something similar) and approach 100 women in a month(25 every saturday) for example.
The point of it is to hammer in the point that attraction isn't a choice and so you can start learning the differences in physiology/body language between women that will reject you no matter what , women that only like you enough to go out on maybe one date and women that have a high level of attraction for you enough to hookup or continue dating you.
Also the other important lesson that no matter what you do those numbers won't change. Rich and successful business men still get friendzoned,ghosted or talk women out of liking them.
After you learn the signs of attraction you can stop wasting your time with the women that you have no chance with and start looking for women that have mutual attraction for you.
[–]ntipz011 7 years ago [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
Well Idk man, not bragging but my numbers are way higher. 3-4 out of every 100 women you have a flirty conversation with is just sad.
[–]sivervipa 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Those are his estimates for beginners who don't know very much. The point is that you can start ignoring women who you don't have a chance/have a low attraction level and focus on the women who like you back.
[–]ntipz0112 points 7 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Ahh got your point
[–]Am-I-Cool-Yet 7 years ago [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
From cringetopia? Lol
[–]bigpoppasmooch 6 points7 points8 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Clessic
[–]PlatypusPerson 43 points44 points45 points 7 years ago* (14 children) | Copy Link
As a woman lurking, I feel it's important to mention rejection might very well be on the basis of lacking attraction. However, there are so many different preferences out there for body type and personality, don't get hung up over one girl not being into it. There's no perfect man formula, just do your best with confidence and you'll find a man or woman that reciprocates their attraction to you. :)
Edit: misspelling
[–]DrSleeper 11 points12 points13 points 7 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I know I’ve not gone for girls because I just wasn’t “feeling like it” that night or whatever. If she rejects you it may even just be circumstantial.
PSA: Do not read this as: she just wasn’t in the mood, keep trying. If you made a move and she said no the ball is now in her court. It might never be kicked again but it is definitely her turn to kick it and there’s no good reason for you to do so until she does first.
[–]hamacule55 2 points3 points4 points 7 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I always kick the ball way to.much i never ever got it back. Well i guess problem is on me not their mood...i see women as gods and think i can never get them
[–]DrSleeper 1 point2 points3 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah I think most guys can relate to that feeling in some way. What helped me a lot was having friends that are girls. I can shoot shit with them very similarly to how I do with the guys and it’s not only fun but for me it was eye opening. I can be as weird as I am and girls aren’t disgusted by me, in fact they find me charming and fun to be around when I am all out myself. It’s fun to be around people that goof off and are odd because they give you the permission to be weird by default.
[–]SirAdonisJ 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
My problem is similar but the opposite side of the coin. I kick the ball all the time but never chase, not because I see women as gods; I see them as human beings who aren't worth the time unless they are really that good. Don't get me wrong, I'm aware being too picky is bad but I'm just looking out for myself first because I've been through and seen too much shit. Relationships are complimentary so this is just a side hobby for me - not an act of desperation that my life depends on.
[–]anongentry 2 points3 points4 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is a problem I run into frequently. Although someone did once tell me the dating pool where I live must sit next to a nuclear runoff because there is some things that ive seen here that I don't think would fly elsewhere
[–]Justfuckingcuriousok 2 points3 points4 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thanks for this it seems like these guys are really over thinking shit
[–]BitsAndBobs304 6 points7 points8 points 7 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
However, there are so many different preferences out there for body type and personality
ah, yes, the famous millions of women who are hot for short balding indian men
[–]fiveswords 4 points5 points6 points 7 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
They're out there!
[–]BitsAndBobs304 5 points6 points7 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
yes, next to the millions of men who love slow cars
[–]darksidessj25 3 points4 points5 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Rejection and attraction are subconscious processes. I’ve been studying physiology and the more relaxed you are while holding eye contact will cause attraction. There are sub conscious cues that women/men give off when there in the presence of someone they like. Itching is the first sub conscious process then shortly followed by eye contact. I’ve witnessed this hundreds of times by multiple women and men.
[–]hamacule55 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Is it really that easy? I feel like i have to be perfect for women and i see them as gods.
[–]PlatypusPerson 1 point2 points3 points 7 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
It's not easy, at least I don't think. It takes a lot of perseverance to maintain a positive mindset sometimes. Here, I don't have a super great way with words, but I like this post I found earlier: link
I know the subreddit's kind of odd, but this post is quite valuable. Girls are human, they fall in love with dorky people sometimes, they don't all want 7' strapping men, yadda yadda. I promise there's hope out there.
Edit: reread parts of it, obviously another human (fallible person) made it, so take some advice with a grain of salt. Ex, don't jump to a whole lot of physical contact without careful consideration.
[–]SirAdonisJ 1 point2 points3 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Its true. If you ever work at a restaurant or just sit a crowded public area, you'd question how some men get certain women... but at the same time you question why some guys settle for less attractive women. Everyone is human and really don't know what they want. No such thing as a league despite what society says.
[–]olronk1 point 7 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Well I'm not sure because I'm 27 and never had any woman consider me attractive looking enough before.
[–]underscoresrule 33 points34 points35 points 7 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
I just came here from r/justneckbeardthings
DAAAAMNNN
[–]Gob-Ny-Ooyl 8 points9 points10 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I woke up and jumped straight into this rabbit hole too, so much for being productive today.
[–]CriManSquaFC 3 points4 points5 points 7 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Came here from r/Cringetopia that guy has to be a troll
[–]PMme_ur_nudes_boi 1 point2 points3 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
He just writes bullshit stories, look at his history.
[–]-moirebass- 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Same here! Ha
[–]FlakeyGhost 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I’m a little confused. Are you saying damn cuz it’s cringey?
[–]Rhyat250 5 points6 points7 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
oi language my friend no need to curse
[–][deleted] 7 years ago* (13 children) | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
[–]Shadow__Account 4 points5 points6 points 7 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
lol no girls don't have a type they have a type that they think they like, but in reality its all about how someone makes them feel. your mindset on this subject is horrible, but don't drag others down with you
[–]sink_flower234 2 points3 points4 points 7 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Girls are similar to guys on this. Some have types, some don’t, some have a type but are willing to make exceptions. But the reality is not every girl will be into you no matter what you do.
[–]Shadow__Account 1 point2 points3 points 7 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
lol "willing to make exceptions", you are crazy. They are not consciously with that shit like we are. You can ask them whats your type, they describe some type and you say but your boyfriend is the total opposite and they will be like, you are right but he is just different. There is no " making an exception" The ones that don't have a type are just aware that it's how a guy makes them feel that attracts them.
[–]sink_flower234 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
No. You’re talking a different point than I am. What you’re saying is IF a girl is a liar or confused about what she likes. Not every girl is like that, some are honest and self-aware, know their type and yet still make the occasional exception ... so you’re generalising and you’re not rebutting my point.
[–]Shadow__Account 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
What i am saying is most girls have no clue what there type actually is and think they have a type probably from some movie or something. I don't think they lie or are confused. The self aware type of girl or some more experienced women will know what their type is but they know their " type" means character treats like, a dominant ambitious guy and they are not talking looks.
[–]sink_flower234 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You seem to be contradicting yourself. And I don’t think this opinion of yours is actually yours .. it sounds regurgitated from somewhere else .. pretty sure I’ve read these exact words from other puas. You’re just spreading your insecurities and shit you’ve heard ... you’ve never done a study on women and yet you say “most” as if you know women. And I doubt you get laid much so I’m done conversing with you. Have a good day.
[–]Shadow__Account 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The guy that thinks women sometimes make an exception for someone thinks i am projecting insecureties. The whole reason i jumped in this convo was because the insecure self obstructing mindset of "its already determined by looks" and "you just have to be lucky and hope for the goddesses to choose you or make an exception for you", irritated me.
[–]olronk 7 years ago [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link
Yea, that's been my issue mostly.
I've never been good looking enough for women's standards. Even after my self improvement and work I did on myself to focus on what I can control to make myself look more attractive over the past 3-4 years now lol.
So there's no much I can do about it now as it's not like my looks will change so it definitely is one of those scenarios where I just kinda got screwed super hard in that department.
People talk about different types but it only worsens the idea because in 27 years I never had any woman consider me good looking enough to be their type ever before lol.
[–][deleted] 7 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]olronk 7 years ago [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
Honestly I’ve seen really homely dudes with Super hot chicks.
Well I'm not sure if I'd qualify as "homely" lol, as I'm kinda on the far low end when it comes to good looks so I wouldn't really relate to men who are fortunate enough to look homely.
If you feel it just won’t work, Maybe lower your standards in the beauty department and seek out other good qualities for the W.
I mean, I don't really care about looks as I'm not good looking myself so I'm definitely in no position to judge anyone on their looks.
It's more that I've never been good looking enough for women to consider me attractive before that's barred anything.
One thing is for certain, the self deprecating is counter productive. Once your confidence improves you might be surprised.
Yea, that's why I stopped self deprecating around 4 years ago and started self improvement. While I have managed to reach all my personal goals and the original intent was to make myself look more attractive to women, obviously that failed but I did end up turning my life around and getting in the best physical and mental state possible.
My confidence in myself is one thing and I do have control over that obviously, but I've also learned that none of that has any correlation to how attractive looking I am or factors in changing that at all.
[–]Vainistopheles 3 points4 points5 points 7 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
Look as good as you can? Great. Your not getting rejected because you are not attractive enough.
But women tell me I'm not attractive enough. Are they lying?
[–]TheXXL 7 years ago [recovered] (6 children) | Copy Link
Did you bother to ask specifics? If they cannot come up with something like "you are too fat","your teeth are gross","your hair looks gay" or whatever you can think of that you could point your finger at, they don't feel it because your body language is bad, or your confidence is basically nonexistent. Being attractive to women doesn't mean "You have to look like a male model". It's the whole package that has to be appealing. Clothing is one of the easiest things to change and has a good effect on her perception of you, while confidence is one of the best ways to make her want you. If you combine clothing, body language, hygiene, confidence and wit, you will rarely hear that you are not attractive.
[–]Vainistopheles 1 point2 points3 points 7 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Some have given specifics, yes. Skin, hair, teeth. "You look old, and not in a good way." "Your pores are giving me trypophobia." "Teeth are a deal breaker for me."
[–]TheXXL 7 years ago [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link
Some have given specifics, yes. Skin,
Your skin color? You cannot change that so don't bother, there are women who don't care about that. If it's your skin condition, there might be something you can do, but I doubt that this is the only reason, or even a true reason for said girls.
hair
Color? Those girls are not good for you anyways, and like with skin color, some people just don't like certain things, so move on. Is it thinning? Shave your head. It was the best thing I ever did when that happened to me. This way you stand out, and look more manly.
teeth.
Brush them, fix them, lighten them. There is nothing you cannot do.
"You look old, and not in a good way."
hahah Never heard of this before, but sounds more like you associate with very fucked up people, maybe change your social circle/approach less asshole bitches.
"Your pores are giving me trypophobia."
Do you remember this guy called "seal"? Afaik he was married to this german model, forgot her name, so another pretended reason. Women usually don't really care, but if you actually got this remark, you must have been very annoying to the girl. I remember that I only got such remarks when I was really clumsy, weak looking and having the body language of a basement dwelling creep.
"Teeth are a deal breaker for me."
You could be more specific again, does that mean you have bad teeth? Smell bad? brown/yellow teeth? Those are all fixable issues and show a sense of self respect, so fix that.
I don't really see anything really bad here, it looks ,more like you have no self respect/really bad hygiene. Combine that with bad clothing and body language that remind someone of a creepy mass murderer, and you will definitely have a lot of problems, but again, those are all fixable things, so start working on yourself and you will soon see how those remarks stop coming.
[–]Vainistopheles 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
So. Just to clear things up:
The woman who was talking about my skin was talking about my trypophobia inducing pores. She's still a friend, and we're on good terms, so I'm inclined to think she was being honest and not just reacting to me being a creep.
That's part of what I can't get on board with. You seem to assume in every case that women are mistaken, lying, or equivocating, and they never intend the literal meaning of what they're saying. I couldn't disagree more. Women generally know what they want and how they feel, and they will tell you how they honestly feel if they feel if you're not being such a creep that they don't feel safe doing so.
My teeth are an especially bad problem, as it seems to be a popular deal breaker and also makes enthusiastic smiling impossible. My teeth are badly crooked; there's crowding, gaps, retained baby teeth, buck teeth, and an overbite. I can't afford braces, and would need extra tooth extractions to even make them an option.
My hair is badly receding. It makes me look 10-15 years older. Personally, I like how it looks. I'm cool with the giant forehead look, but women are pretty universally turned off by it. I'm not shaving it. I hate the bald look and don't want to see my father every time I look in the mirror. I've had long hair my entire life. It's always been part of my identity, and I've always had fun styling it up. It doesn't matter to me that I've lost a few inches in the front.
you have no self respect/really bad hygiene. Combine that with bad clothing and body language that remind someone of a creepy mass murderer,
So. It's a meme among my friends that I smell nice. My hygiene isn't bad. My clothing may have been bad ten years ago, but I've developed a nice, business casual look that's recognizably me and abides the rules of good-fit and complementary colors.
[–]TheXXL 7 years ago [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
The woman who was talking about my skin was talking about my trypophobia inducing pores. She's still a friend, and we're on good terms, so I'm inclined to think she was being honest and not just reacting to me being a creep
So why are you bringing this up? I guess you want some victim points?
That's part of what I can't get on board with. You seem to assume in every case that women are mistaken, lying, or equivocating, and they never intend the literal meaning of what they're saying.
Well, now YOU are the one assuming things. I was simply putting out my thoughts on your victim narrative. From interacting with thousands of women throughout my life I know this: They don't tell you things like that usually. Only if you really piss them off, otherwise they will just keep quiet since women in general don't like confrontation. This was my point to say you must have been a real creep, or associating with really fucked up people.
More excuses... poor poor victim... Dude, do you even hear yourself? All you do is finding excuses not to do something about the problems you think you have. You obviously can afford internet access, and I am sure you have a roof over your head, and maybe even a job. If your salary sucks, then do something about it, and if you cannot immediately afford braces, SAVE UP to get them! MY fucking god... Stop being such a victim.
My hair is badly receding.
If it's annoying you, SHAVE IT!
It makes me look 10-15 years older. Personally, I like how it looks. I'm cool with the giant forehead look, but women are pretty universally turned off by it. I'm not shaving it. I hate the bald look and don't want to see my father every time I look in the mirror. I've had long hair my entire life. It's always been part of my identity, and I've always had fun styling it up. It doesn't matter to me that I've lost a few inches in the front.
... What do you want? Sure you should not change yourself for others, but if you look like crap, (and somehow hearing that you are balding, but want to hold on to have your balding and probably thinning hair long, makes me cringe real hard) you should not wonder that women find you repelling. You say "it was my identity to have long hair for my whole life" ... Maybe you should realize that it looks bad? I had long hair too, before I shaved it off, and looking back, it looked super bad, and made me look more like one of those pedophile creeps.
Great, so you got at least something down. Now realize that there must be something off with your overall behavior or look, maybe it just doesn't fit as much as you want to believe, hard to say.
[–]Vainistopheles 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
So why are you bringing this up?
I'm bringing it up because you asked what specifics women have given me, you dolt. You brought it up.
I guess you want some victim points ... poor poor victim ... your victim narrative ... Stop being such a victim.
I don't have a victim narrative, because I'm not a victim. Who the hell would be victimizing me? I'm not complaining. I'm not claiming persecution. I'm not saying anything is unfair. So where are you getting this from? You asked what people said was wrong, and I told you verbatim. That's not my narrative.
Well, now YOU are the one assuming things.
It's not an assumption if I see you fucking doing it.
From interacting with thousands of women throughout my life I know this: They don't tell you things like that usually.
Correction: They don't tell you things like that.
Only if you really piss them off, otherwise they will just keep quiet since women in general don't like confrontation.
I don't know? Maybe you don't hang around women that have a fucking spine, or maybe they don't feel safe enough around you to tell you how they feel.
Dude, do you even hear yourself? All you do is finding excuses not to do something about the problems you think you have. You obviously can afford internet access, and I am sure you have a roof over your head, and maybe even a job. If your salary sucks, then do something about it, and if you cannot immediately afford braces, SAVE UP to get them!
I'm saving up for things that are more important, because I'm a responsible fucking adult with correctly aligned priorities.
I told you it's not annoying me. I told you I fucking like it. And it's not thinning. It's receding. The fact is, I'd rather be single than bald. See that? That's fucking ownership. There's no victim narrative there. I'm not complaining; I'm telling you what the situation is because you fucking asked.
Maybe you should realize that it looks bad? I had long hair too, before I shaved it off, and looking back, it looked super bad, and made me look more like one of those pedophile creeps.
What can I say? We have different tastes. I know what I'd look like bald, because I can look at my father, and I think it looks worse.
Great, so you got at least something down.
I got a lot of fucking things down, thank you very much.
Now realize that there must be something off with your overall behavior or look, maybe it just doesn't fit as much as you want to believe, hard to say.
I know there's something wrong with my look. I came into this thread telling you there was.
[–]TheXXL3 points 7 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
I just remembered something about the age thing: I had girls as much as 14 years younger than I am (I am in my 40's now) the youngest so far was 19, and I remember going on a date with a 31 year old last year, and we hit it off, but in the end she came up with "you know, I have a problem... your age, you are 10 years older than me" so I asked what would be the problem, she answered "... see, by the time you retire, I will still have to work 10 more years..." lol, this made me wonder if she actually planned our whole life already, which was creepy as fuck. After joking around with this topic, since it actually amused me, she came up with another excuse "... I have another problem... You look too much like my ex..." and there we had another dumb excuse. At this point I was happy our date ended, and we never spoke again.
My point there is that some women are weird, and not every woman is the right for me anyways, I am picky. Now I am basically sleeping with a woman who is again, exactly 10 years younger than me, and she is super crazy about me, even though I don't have perfect teeth, shave my head because of thinning hair, and I have a dad bod which I am not proud of, but this is who I am.
If the things that you heard actually reflect reality, and you can change them, change them! The less things bother you, the more women will look over other imperfections like something as unimportant as acne scars or your skin condition.
[–]bigpoppasmooch 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Yes some will. But if you think every woman is rejecting you because of your looks and you'll always be rejected because of them you're just wrong. I've seen dimes date uglys because the guy was so interesting, confident and funny. That's good news because those are skills you learn. That reply proves you have the wrong mindset when talking to women. You should go in thinking 'even if she hates the way I look, I learn how to charm just a little bit'
[–]Vainistopheles 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
That's good news because those are skills you learn. That reply proves you have the wrong mindset when talking to women.
So. In the ten years that I've been working on myself, I've by all accounts become good company. I have a wide, mixed-sex group of friends. No one doubts that I'm funny and interesting and full of stories and fun life experiences to share. In 2009, however, I had the social skillset of an autistic honey badger. These are things you can learn, and they are necessary, but they are not sufficient. I'm in my thirties now, and all the progress I've made hasn't manifested into a date.
I've seen dimes date uglys because the guy was so interesting, confident and funny.
This is compatible with my expectations. Suppose 5% of women were willing to date the bottom 10% of men. Indeed then, you'd find some lucky but ugly men dating without issue. But you'd still find half of these undesirable men being permanently alone.
It's not that an unattractive guy can't find a partner, it's that he may well not.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 7 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Dont bother with these people. Theyll always find an excuse to belittle you. In this comment, you talked about how you did indeed self improve. The next person to respond will say something like " But you only self improved to get dates! You didnt do it for your OWN sake! Women can sense that! Youre not confident! Start over!"
[–]Vainistopheles 1 point2 points3 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The next person to respond will say something like " But you only self improved to get dates! You didnt do it for your OWN sake! Women can sense that! Youre not confident! Start over!"
I do feel like I've heard that one before.
There's an almost dogmatic insistence that someone can't be single strictly because they're physically unattractive.
It's a strange thing to be so committed to. You wouldn't expect them to care why other people can't find dates, and it'd be so easy to just admit to the validity of experiences like mine.
But no. It just can't be how you look. Never. Like their identity, god, and country all depended on that fact.
[–]trailer_park_queen 3 points4 points5 points 7 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
I can tell you right now - any mentally sound person is a lot more inclined to date someone who is mentally stable and has a good personality over someone who just looks good. Often times than not I lose interest in men because I realize they lack emotional intelligence/maturity. I should not be younger than you but have the emotional intelligence of someone double your age.
[–][deleted] 7 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
[–]trailer_park_queen 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
It’s literally a term recognized by psychologists, but it’s one thing to mess around and be silly when appropriate but it’s another thing when there’s a power imbalance and a woman becomes a mother figure in the relationship
[–][deleted] 7 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]trailer_park_queen 1 point2 points3 points 7 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Clearly you haven’t used therapy for it’s intended purposes but go off.
[–]trailer_park_queen 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
To improve ones mental state/get unbiased professional opinions - you notice you don’t like the way you feel so you attend therapy. You need to know what you want out of therapy in order for it to be successful. For example, I explained to my therapist that I’m more dissociative than i’m not, so I was given techniques to help re-associate. I explain if there’s a situation that’s happened that I can’t manage to get out of my mind, so we do thinks to help my brain process those events.
There are many ways an individual can benefit from therapy and I know many people, male and female, who regularly use therapeutic methods in their life. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to take care of yourself 🤷🏼♀️
[–]BigBootyRatchets 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Read the book emotional intell 2.0 and see if you still hold the same ignorant opinion
[–][deleted] 7 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]blubber-belly 1 point2 points3 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Nice one... confidence and being who you are matters. Rejection is an opportunity to hone your approach and at the same time you can't please everyone so chill :)
[–]zincSF 1 point2 points3 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
They aren't rejecting YOU. They are rejecting your approach. Feedback...learn...improve!
[–]Tyrion69Lannister 1 point2 points3 points 7 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
Something about this sub is reflected in that statement “be butt hurt or improve”.
We tend to draw these cut and dry dichotomies and also apply them to people and situations without acknowledging the abundance in our options as to how to react.
It also doesn’t put into account those who try to do a lot of improving but don’t get any results so they have every valid reason to be “butt hurt” yet are shamed for it, or assumed that a person who is butt hurts can’t be improving at the same time
Lastly, when I read that statement, I read it as “make yourself better to get more women”. Basically change yourself and the kind of person you are so you are more attractive to women because it’s our jobs to supplicate to women.
Idk... that doesn’t sound right.
[–]Savageseeks 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
There's no reason to be butt hurt, unless you CHOOSE to be butt hurt. That's just the end of it. Some people may say this in a way that isn't pleasant, but it doesn't make them wrong. If you're not at a place mentally where you have the ability to choose how you feel (at least to some degree) then prioritize this when you are studying.
Unlike many, I won't say "Don't make yourself better to get women, make yourself better for you" because I don't feel most guys will get this until they've done everything "right" and it still turns out shit. You want women, and that's perfectly fine. If you want something, you do what it takes to get it. If you want a certain kind of woman, it's on YOU to be what she wants in turn. Women do not owe you sex just for "being you" It is inevitable that you WILL find women that want whatever it is you have to offer, but do you want them?
Personally, I feel if you become the person you want to be, you will attract women who are in the market for that type of man. It's a fucking win-win, but it requires work. People seem to be deathly afraid of work these days. Inner work, especially. Don't be people. Be Tyrion.
[–]Tyrion69Lannister 2 points3 points4 points 7 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I disagree with the first point. Feeling disappointment isn’t a choice, nor can you invalidate a person’s disappointment just because some people have the ability or have taken the time to practice choosing how they feel.
Yeah It’s okay to want women. What I consider kinda weak is making a change using “getting more women” as your sole or central motivator. I know people can’t help it and that it’s natural, but to me, it’s similar to saying you wanna travel because you wanna have awesome selfies for your insta. Sure it’s what you want and if you do everything you can to do it, that’s awesome that you’re improving yourself to move towards your goal, but I wouldn’t be able to help but look at this person as someone who has weak values.
And no, women don’t owe you sex for being you. I didn’t and would never make that claim.
With regards to work, I hope you aren’t implying that I’m suggesting people should be complacent and avoid work while accepting who they are. I’m saying that using “getting women” as your motivator to do work is disappointing and that it shouldn’t be the motivator. Yes it’s natural to want to go after woman and I’m not saying it won’t get results, but that doesn’t make it any less disappointing, which is why any advice that encourages this doesn’t feel right to me.
[–]bigpoppasmooch 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Feeling disappointed is a choice. Your not invalidated. You feel it in the moment, think rational thoughts and move on. Take some control man.
[–]Tyrion69Lannister 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yes feeling disappointment is a choice and yeah I’ve thought about this rationally.
If you know people can be better but instead they choose (not necessarily consciously) NOT to be better while also enforcing a status quo that puts women as the main motivator for a man, wouldn’t you be disappointed to?
And I am taking control. Control isn’t just choosing to be happy all the time. In this case, choosing to be disappointed is better than accepting mediocrity. In this case, mediocre values.
[–]bigpoppasmooch 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I absolutely get where you're coming from I've got friends who say the same thing in a less sophisticated way. Improving the person you are doesn't mean changing who you are as a person. It means enhancing your good qualities and reducing your bad ones. If you're thinking, I need to change who I fundamentally am to improve then your not looking at yourself honestly, everyone has flaws and bad habits they can improve.
Being but hurt is a choice. When you approach a woman and she's not interested it should be 'what did I learn? Am I hurt by this? No because she may have been my type but had some circumstance that led her to say no. I'll move on to the next one' move on in mind and body immediately.
There is no end goal to improvement. If you haven't had results keep trying but what do you think will happen in a relationship? It will be harder than being single is the answer. Harder but more satisfying. You will need to work at it. Just because you haven't had results don't despair. What can you change, tweak, improve in yourself and approach?
[–]IllegalAlcoholic 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Aha! Welcome my dog.
[–]AntMan3298 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Agreed. Recognizing value in a person is a skill in it of itself, you have to recognize what’s actually valuable in a girl (most guys see a hot girl with a semi-quirky sense of humor or a nerdy side and think “this girls perfect” as if loyalty, empathy, kindness, generosity, etc. aren’t all way more important.) and vice-versa you can’t expect every girl to recognize your value in a 30 second interaction. It’s like art. Show a regular joe a historic art piece and they might say “this looks like someone just splattered paint on a canvas”, show that piece to an art historian and they’d recognize it’s in fact, a Jackson Pollack piece. It’s still your responsibility to express your value in a way she’d understand, but it makes no sense to hold bitterness if she doesn’t. Not to mention you’re not supposed to attract EVERY girl, sometimes it’s just preference
[–]animal_crackers 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Love this sub
[–]SqueaksScreech 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If she gives you the wrong number it means she's not interested and move on
Edit: I made small spelling error
[–]ias18 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
this sub is gold.
[–]splendidEdge 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
1) read number back? How do people exchange phone numbers? In my country you always call the person when you were given the number so they also get your number. So there won't be any: oh you gave me a fake number.
Less awkward as in read it back right after you type it. It's if there's a situation of like hey what's your number I'll call you later
[–]muffy2008 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Omg guys. Just have an ounce of confidence.
Yea, I discovered this sub around 2-3 years ago.
And while I've never been enough for a woman to date or kiss, etc. I've been able to listen and hear a lot of great experiences from guys on here who were able to reach that point.
I stumbled on this place during my years of self improvement and turning my life around so it was very helpful in helping me understand what attractive guys are capable of when it comes to women, etc.
While I originally came here to seek an answer, I ended up finding a good community of people who share their stories and how they were able to reach that point of looking attractive enough.
A bit bittersweet but I know I can't complain.
[–]A_Suffering_Panda -1 points0 points1 point 7 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
What is the purpose of reading the number back wrong? Do you get charged $3/ text? Why not just call or text, and if she doesn't respond, move on? It seems pretty needy to me
[–]bigpoppasmooch 1 point2 points3 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It's immediate and if she corrects you you know it's legit. Call it text also works
[–]EatingBeyoncesPoop -4 points-3 points-2 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
LMAO incels
[+]hellogoawaynow -10 points-9 points-8 points 7 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
It seems like a lot of the dudes on here think touching a woman’s breasts or ass is seduction but it’s actually sexual assault. Don’t touch a stranger. Talk to them.
[–]ProfitisAlethia 10 points11 points12 points 7 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Not a single person in this sub would suggest groping someone you dont know. This entire sub is dedicated to learning how to talk to women.
[–]hellogoawaynow -1 points0 points1 point 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I hope so. Just a lot of posts from this sub have ended up on r/NotHowGirlsWork recently and they’re usually along the lines of should I seduce a woman I don’t know by touching her breasts and or ass. Good on the guys who are actively trying to learn to talk to women. This particular post is unfortunate.
[–]TheXXL2 points 7 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
I wonder where you read that, do you mind giving us links so we can address them accordingly?
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