I am nearly 30 years old, have autism, and never been on a date. Women block me when they learn about my inexperience. What can I do to improve my dating chances?

cegavas · 2021-04-07T16:09:19+00:00

Tbh I would start not telling them about your inexperience lol are you going to school? Start exercising and improving yourself. Can you start a martial art of some kind? Preferably Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. Do you have any goals or ambitions your working toward? I normally meet girls at school or during extra curricular like theater. Also I have dated girls from work who I start having friendships with then it grows from there.

I would just not tell them about your lack of experience or if that doesn’t feel right just say you had sex once or twice. ( even if you suck in bed, they won’t expect much if you’ve only done it a couple times)

bananalover2000 · 2021-04-07T16:35:59+00:00

just know that you're not doomed, it's just going to be very hard. work on yourself, start excercising and find a hobby ( I would suggest becoming a magician, it will only take a couple of weeks to get good, but it usually really helps). Also, don't make having a girlfriend your final goal. It will make you look desperate, which is terrible for dating. As soon as this pandemic ends go look for people, male or female, just make friends, your social skills will develope and you'll get less anxious. also get healty, eat better food, sleep more during the night and less during the day. if you can, start studying to get a better job, financial stability is fondamental.

cyrilan · 2021-04-07T17:58:52+00:00

Take responsibility for everything in your life
Hit the gym consistently + Good diet

Liberaler · 2021-04-07T19:46:01+00:00

"Women block me when they learn about my inexperience." This is just a theory. Maybe they block you for some other reason, e.g. they feel you are not okay with yourself, or for some other reason. Women are quite flakey these days. Men, that have experience, also get blocked all the time.
increase the number of women you get in contact with. Don't waste time with women, who are not interested in you. This way you increase the chance to really click with someone eventually.
accepting yourself and your situation will be a big step up. This will be noticeable in your vibe. You set the frame, whether your lack of experience is a big drama, or not that big of a deal. You e.g. can frame your sensibility as a strength, and your first experiences as something very special you celebrate in a very conscious way, something that is also very special and precious for the women you have these experiences with. You set the frame - for yourself and the outside world.

(I think this also applies to the post of u/HeavenPiercingMan)

AppearanceAccording6 · 2021-04-07T19:16:20+00:00

Start approaching women. I also have autism and never had dating experience prior to college. Approaching women every day pretty much changed my dating life and the way I thought about women, and it allowed me to get experience with dating.

TheRealAlkemyst · 2021-04-08T01:46:55+00:00

As others have said, why even bring up you inexperience? You have autism, you are not a quadriplegic. That said even quadriplegics can find someone to love. You have a disadvantage and that's it. Build up why you'd make a difference in their lives or bed, depending on your goal. Work on it and own it. Life with your challenges and never apologize for them (no one wants to hear "oh I am sorry"). Own your mistakes.

Right now it's hard with COVID, but work on yourself. Figure out who you want to be and work on that. Write it down in notes if you have to. Live it. The more you tell yourself who you are the more likely you will become that person.

JHighMusic · 2021-04-08T04:42:32+00:00

I hate to say this, but living with your parents is really hindering your chances. You can greatly improve your chances by moving out and getting your own place. And Google dating advice for men. Make friends with guys who are good with women who want to help you.

_Dignity_ · 2021-04-07T20:48:02+00:00

Stop telling them. They aren't entitled to information about your history just like you aren't entitled to theirs. You may have to fake it until you make it a bit until you have some actual experiences.

Agreable_Actuator84 · 2021-04-07T18:53:41+00:00

Lots of good advice already here - lift, become a better person in all ways you can, not give up hope, etc. but I wonder if your expectations are also too high. You want someone you are physically and mentally attracted to. That is great but what if your standards for who you let yourself feel attraction too are impossibly high given your circumstances? ultimately you can only get with someone at a similar level as you or lower.

btrpb · 2021-04-07T20:47:44+00:00

You never tell a woman why she shouldn't fuck you. Which in your case is your inexperience. STFU about it.

Effective_Nothing380 · 2021-04-08T09:32:55+00:00

I recommend reading “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie. It teaches basic social mannerisms and behaviors that might help you engage with others.

Impressive_Weather60 · 2021-04-08T03:58:37+00:00

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Hypodermicheronbeak · 2021-04-08T10:47:45+00:00

I am 24 and have Aspurgers syndrome (a type of autism) and ADHD. You wouldn’t know it talking to me. I do come off a tiny bit awkward at times though I’ve gotten much better. I still have a really hard time telling the difference between mean or cold sarcasm from joking type sarcasm. I get where you are coming from on this one. It is hard just navigating the world and trying to date is even more difficult! I’m lucky growing up I never took impossible as an answer. I never accepted being told I couldn’t do something. I don’t have some of the disadvantages you do. I have learned to drive. But I want to say that first never tell somebody about your autism when you first meet unless it’s absolutely necessary. Never mention your experience before a date. Find other people who want to work on social skills (for me my biggest impairment from autism was socially and I had to work hard from the time I was like 5 to be where I am at) and work with them. Find an autism support group and improve yourself Your 30. that is still young! Try new things and try to find things you enjoy doing become your best self and women will come second. I have been on dates and they are not the easiest in terms of social interactions go. just hang out with women socially until you are comfortable around them. I took an almost 4 year break from trying to date after switching majors from pre vet to vet tech. I used to do kickboxing and in college I stopped and I got fat. I switched to community college online and hit the gym fill your life and have fun and women will be more likely to be attracted to you. I started at 386 and now I’m 246. I am now doing pretty well and I just started dating again because I was told under one of my weight loss pictures I was “cute” whatever happens to you is what is going to happen when it come to dating. Dress well get an Uber and meet women. Be confident. If you are not confident they will know and it won’t workout. And it’s never too late to improve yourself. I have been 90% focused on hobbies and self improvement for most of my adult life and it makes a difference in my level of confidence because I know I can enjoy life with or without the company of a woman. There is the secret to dating as an individual with ASD work on yourself to be confident, if your confident you will do better with women, and if nothing else get your life to the point where you can say I don’t need them. Because if you need them you’ll wind up putting them on a pedestal and becoming either a nice guy, or looking desperate. Love yourself before trying to love others. And seriously one of the best things you can do is find other high functioning autistic people like yourself to talk to and learn from age is not relevant to ASD when it comes from learning from other people on the spectrum. If you have other questions or if I can help you with this message me I have had lots of trouble and lots of great times when it comes to this. I wanted to add no person with ASD is the same so I can only speak from my experience having it. Just find stuff you love to do (active things outside the home are better because you can meet people that also enjoy those things) sharing a hobby with someone is a good start. I hike and am a nature photographer. Everyone has something find it and do it become better every can improve themselves and the process helps you love yourself so you can be more confident. And confidence is key

ResponsibilityNo8235 · 2021-04-07T16:58:54+00:00

Be patient your chance will come

HeavenPiercingMan · 2021-04-07T17:55:47+00:00

This is what I mean when I say that after a certain point the world won't let you improve nor forgive a lack of experience. Nobody wants to be the hero. Total Catch-22.

precumpregnancy · 2021-04-08T14:37:12+00:00

I am 31 yo with cerebral palsy. I feel you. dating is hard. I barely have experience till I was 29. I will share my experience and you can relate to some of them.

These are the question that I ask myself:

What is my intention of dating?

Do I want to be with her because I want to boost my self esteem or because it is fun to spend time with her?

Dating is a currency for social status. I found it really rewarding because I can be appreciated and feel valued when I am able to date beautiful woman. I feel men subtly declaring lose when I got beautiful woman is so satisfying. Eventhough she treated me like a shit. Lack of self esteem can't be fix by dating. On the opposite, dating is the side effect of a good self esteem. How to get better at self esteem? There are lots of materials out there and bon voyage.

What do you bring to the table?

I can't walk more than 1 miles. My legs will hurt. There will be no romantic walk with me. However, I am a good chef, know how to fix stuff, I have a decent income, I love to adventure with my bike, I tell a good story, I am not afraid of expressing my feeling, I know how to handle rejection, I know how to ask, I know how to back off when some girls says no, I know how to approach woman and let myself to be seen, I know how to relate and to connect, I know how to appreciate and validate, I know many other things that the general stereotype of "dating" that is portrayed by the media.

The point is: My upbringing with my disability subtly taught me that I am always the side character in my own life and I can't be the main character. My disability contributes to cascading effect of unhealthy upbringing and it grows on me for years. My disability is the problem that I can see. However there are thousands of problems that I don't see. Good thing is that I can re-learn it.

There are thousands of thing that you can bring to the table. It will be hard to have initial interaction that lead to date but the point is that to find the one that will appreciate you.

Aim for a good life with or without date. If dating is not your concern, you will find a date because someone wants to be a part of your beautiful life.

PlaneCopy · 2021-04-08T18:04:08+00:00

Ignore all the comments and look up owen cook he is a guy just like you and got better at game

domo94 · 2021-04-08T19:03:52+00:00

High functioning autism?

The best policy is honesty. But also, you don't necessarily need to tell them. You can just go as you please and enjoy the intimacy.

You can do it the Christian way and just get married after slow dating. (sort of deal)

You don't need sex right away. She might even get the hots for you more if you find an intellectual woman who really admires that you don't need sex right away.

Not every woman is your cup of tea, either. So don't feel bad if you're just going for a poor selection.

Honestly, you should go hang out in a library reading books on psychology and human development. You'll find smart girls there. ;)

kbecel · 2021-04-08T21:12:27+00:00

Improve yourself first. Turn your weaknesses into strengths. Really commit to it. You will overcome this. It will be HELL but it will be worth it

hjkuytfyojgbujlyvuy · 2021-04-10T18:17:35+00:00

Unless you're a model with a 10/10 face you wont succeed with women, the only way for you to improve is become a billionaire, get plastic surgery for your face (unless you're attractive). Or become a billionaire and just let them use you for your money. That's really all you can do.

stop_b_ing_a_wanker · 2021-04-11T16:06:00+00:00

get a better job.
move out of your parents' place.
take social dance classes.

highelf_420 · 2021-04-12T19:51:11+00:00

As someone who saw ur post on povertyfire, get hobbies, drink water, don’t view women as porn objects. Also having any job and some goals also help. If you are almost thirty women aren’t just trying to mess around they most likely want someone with potential. If you don’t like you and aren’t proud of yourself, people can feel it. Confidence I think really is a golden thing, also non apathy can be really helpful.

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