Depressed virgin. I am typing this right now inside my parents' house. I am socially isolated and having moderate amount of FOMO. It is another Saturday night and I have no plans or anything. What would you suggest?

Odd_String · 2019-06-23T00:30:04+00:00

Hit the gym.

Questionnaire7 · 2019-06-23T01:11:43+00:00

100 push ups, 4 min of planks, 1lb of salmon, & a hearty amount of broccoli. No more processed sugar. Rewatch starwars and pick up on the measage of the jedi to concentrate on the present rather than the past or future

vegas092609 · 2019-06-23T01:05:49+00:00

[permanently deleted]

BLOCKEDBYJAMESS · 2019-06-23T00:43:51+00:00

Gym. Tonight is the start of your new life

diglyd · 2019-06-23T03:27:30+00:00

First of all you probably should try to adjust your attitude and how you see yourself. If you're reddit name is "a sinking ship" you probably don't think very highly of yourself. You should try to reframe into a more positive view of yourself.

Tell yourself that you are a Ferrari. No seriously...Not everyone gets to test drive one or own one. Start to act like it little by little...like a high-end product. Be elusive. Don't think you are socially isolated or stunted. Instead, try to picture yourself as having been in high-end storage and now you are going to go onto the showroom...and see the value you offer and that you have something to bring to the table.

In general from now on whenever you do something that you feel you did a good job on reward yourself in some small way. This is to train your mind so you see yourself in a more positive light. Take yourself out to dinner or buy yourself lunch. Go to the movies by yourself. Go buy yourself a nicer pillow or bedsheet because you deserve some comfort and style or get a new shirt or whatever. The point I am trying to make is that you should start to reward yourself in some small ways whenever you get some small wins in life or do something good so that you reframe into a better more positive mindset of yourself and your value. While you are doing those things if you run into people and start a conversation or someone says hi and asks what you are up to, just tell them you did something good and you are rewarding yourself, tell them hi and ask how they are. That's it. People value other people who they perceive as having a high value. The key here is "perception".

Make a list of qualities you offer. What are you good at? Focus on those things. Let them shine. Also, hit the gym so you feel better about yourself and so you take care of your health.

What do you do for a job? Why are you still living with your parents? Are there any real reasons? If not get out asap. At your age, the best possible thing you can do to grow and also get laid and to learn to deal with the world's problems and triumphs and become the man you want to be is by having to deal with daily shit and that requires you to move out of your parent's house into your own place. If you can't afford a place in SF then rent a room with roommates. Look at Facebook or craigslist. Putting up with their shit will teach you things but also will open up opportunities to meet new people. GET OUT OF YOUR CURRENT COMFORT ZONE.

If you can't live in SF go somewhere else. Either way, move out of your comfort zone and start your own life. The sooner you do this the sooner your real life will begin.

Also, consider getting a job in sales or business dev even as a part-time gig just for like 4-6 months. A few months of cold calling will let you get out of your fear of being socially isolated and will completely delete any fear of talking to women or anyone for that matter.

In the immediate sense...You don't need plans...Take a shower, clean yourself up, put on some nice clothes and go downtown SF or wherever people your age hang out. If you don't know where that is just google it or ask the uber dude.

Go walk around...start small...if you feel brave....hop a few bars or clubs or whatever is happening down there like a festival or something. Walk around places even if it's for like an hour. Say hi to a few people around you. It might be awkward but who cares...treat it like an interview for a job like walking into the unknown...just "act as if" aka do your best to look like you belong. Say less than necessary so you don't say something dumb and just smile and try to have a good time or at least look like you are having a good time.

Also, don't drink and drive uber that shit.

Tomorrow when you wake up start to plan your journey of getting the f out of your parent's house if you can. Set a date and get on it. Don't worry about the virgin thing...that can be solved very quickly once you put yourself in a situation where you live on your own, and start to carve out your own little slice of life around you.

Saucey_pizza · 2019-06-23T00:37:28+00:00

1) find a hobby, whether you like it or not doesn’t matter but what’s important is getting out of the house. You will also find friends and that will start your path to going out.

2) stop pittying yourself and get the endorphins going. As much as you don’t want to, going to the gym will be huge for this. If you’re debating whether to go or not, what I like to do is play very heavy upbeat music and just start jumping up and down until I’m motivated to go.

3) set yourself a long term plan to eventually move out. Roomate’s are fine but living with parents the older you get becomes heavily demotivating and not productive for your life as a whole.

Once you have done above, the bar scene with chicks will become natural. (I too am in SF and the bar Harper and Rye is really good to pick up chicks without having that marina feel to it)

Good luck and always stay positive.

DriedUpPlum · 2019-06-23T00:51:55+00:00

How many hours, nights or weeks before you regret not taking action tonight?

PS: Read Models.

SenorPuff · 2019-06-23T01:20:59+00:00

I'm gonna say, I think you should seriously consider therapy. There is a better life for you somewhere out there. You can find it. I believe in you.

vegas092609 · 2019-06-23T01:20:33+00:00

Leave the house. Find a Meetup group for something you enjoy and show up for it. Ask a classmate/coworker/neighbor to grab dinner/coffee/drinks/movie/museum./walk around Japantown. You live in San Francisco, and everything is there.

Or go on Tinder and find someone who’ll want to pop your cherry. I don’t recommend that since you seem very socially inept (observation, no judgement) so that would probably end in disaster.

Also, talk to a psychiatrist about what seems like crippling social anxiety. You also sound clinically depressed, as when people are severely depressed, they can lose interest in everything they ever enjoyed. Your asking what people even do to enjoy themselves is a sign that you have some serious issues to work out. Otherwise, you’d know someone that you could go out with.

How_do_I_Emotion · 2019-06-23T01:39:40+00:00

As others have said, social hobbies. I can say from experience that rock climbing (bouldering specifically) is as social as it gets. 90% of bouldering is just chilling out staring at the walls. It's the perfect scenario to just bullshit with people and talk about the hobby. You can practice escalating from talking about the hobby to talking about the people you want to get to know and eventually inviting them to hang out outside of the gym.

I think this is a great opportunity to practice your conversational skills. Can't recommend rock climbing enough.

Philosopher_King · 2019-06-23T01:55:28+00:00

Starting is the hardest part. Go walk the city. You're in one of the best there is. No agenda. No demands to meet people. Or talk. Just walk, and observe. Pick whatever central street or park is near you, or both. See people interact. Since you're in /r/seduction, look for couples, watch them from afar (and I mean afar; no creeping). People watch. Soak in what you find. Then go to the gym tomorrow. Join a class.

SandtheB · 2019-06-23T01:51:04+00:00

What kind of job do you have, I know how you feel. If you want to get over your shyness, just like when you want to lose weight, it's gonna have to take a lifestyle change.

This is what is working for me.

First, I am still working on this as well, one thing that you need is to get a customer service job, you can start at a grocery store (since they hire anybody) and do whatever you can to talk to the customers and add value to the store. If you can move to a barista, waiter or bartender job, where you are forced to be social that will make everything better. Since you will be forced to deal with difficult customers (6 months with shitty shitty customers will make dealing with "shit tests" easy BTW) and socialize with usually cool coworkers, you will see your shyness go down and overtime be manageable.

As far as "FOMO", going out meeting cute girls and making out with them within 20 minutes of meeting them feels great, especially when I have been where you are, but we are both young, nobody will take you seriously until you are about 35 so we should enjoy our youth and we shouldn't be in such a rush to be good with girls. Take sometime get a good college degree, work on your social skills, and do FTW you want to do (as long as you are not hurting anybody).

See You Around and Have Fun.

Dresslerj1 · 2019-06-23T02:52:51+00:00

Man it's Saturday night.. I'm eating pizza and watching some shitty Adam Sandler movie. 24, single, and I feel fucking ALIVE.

But socializing is important. Look up groups on Meet Me or just hit the bars

edit: *meetup

spacecatbiscuits · 2019-06-23T02:55:16+00:00

You haven't mentioned having social anxiety, so maybe this will not be relevant to you, but if so, this series might help you a lot (pdf's here (both are needed)).

I'm guessing some of your problems are more serious than just 'have some shots and go to a bar'. Do you have friends? Do you interact with people?

The thing about social anxiety is that some things that people try and do to 'fix' it can make it worse. 'Facing your fears' sounds reasonable, but if you put yourself into a situation that causes you a great deal of anxiety, this can compound your association with anxiety and social situations, rather than lessen it.

It's like if you were afraid of dogs, and then you got bitten by a dog; being in that situation will have likely made your fear worse rather than better.

Anyway, even if it's not relevant to you, I'll leave this up there, as I'm sure there are many people who feel similar who will click on this link, and it may be relevant to them.

Good luck, you are not alone in feeling like this.

almean · 2019-06-23T00:53:19+00:00

Care about you. Attention to you.

To what you have interest. Many social interactions begins due a mutual interest.

Avoid social media. The hapiness there is an illusion.

uptimex · 2019-06-23T06:58:34+00:00

First of all, get to know yourself, what kind of person you are, what do you like, what are your behavioral patterns, what is your role in society, fill that gap. I'd start from MBTI test. It is a pretty accurate test, result is one of 16 personalities. Based on work of Carl Jung. Helped me a lot.

joelhamptn · 2019-06-23T07:12:57+00:00

All I have to say is man, you live in one of the most beautiful cities I’ve ever visited. I’m going through the same situation you are, and I just wanna let you know going to the gym and doing some lone exploring is sometimes fun. I learned somewhere that you shouldn’t go out and meet people- go out to have a good time for yourself and the people will come along the way, super interesting way to look at things

StarwarsITALY · 2019-06-23T13:53:23+00:00

lol jesus, 26. It’s waaaaay too soon for you to lose hope. That should be one weekend, if you’re just starting out.

Remember: Rejection is only a rejection of your approach, not of you as a man. They don’t know you, they can’t tell how awesome you are based off the first 30 seconds if you aren’t presenting yourself properly…their rejection is completely not an assessment of your worth as a man. Once you learn to present yourself properly, you’ll get rejected less.

It’s a long, long road. But worth it. :)

More depressing would be NOT learning that information now, while you still have time to adapt to it, and instead learning it when you catch your wife banging your best friend the day before she files for divorce and takes your kids away.

You’ve been presented with an amazing opportunity to take charge of your love-life and dominate the world around you instead of pinging off the universe reacting to the world around you like a pinball. It’s a tough road, it’ll take time, but it’ll teach you more about yourself than you can imagine and the payoff will be a life you can’t even imagine at this point.

This takes time and exposure to a lot of women, where you meet a lot of cool chicks who are just slaves to their nature. It’s like how the first time you meet a dog or a baby you’re like “fuck, shut up already” as it barks or cries constantly. But when it’s your own dog or baby or you spend enough time around them in general you’re like “shit that’s just what they DO, it’s cool. I wish they wouldn’t, but hey, they can’t help it, it’s their nature. I can love them despite that.”

Even once the pill is taken there are levels to it where this comes up. The guy who spins a few plates in a drunken haze at social circle parties for a few years then settles down with a wife and practices his marriage game doesn’t have the same experience a sober guy who regularly picks up new girls anywhere from bars to coffee shops has.

There’s almost too much information on Game available now. People don’t have to experience it first hand to form opinions, they just adopt a belief system from whatever company or guru they stumble across and then debate what should and shouldn’t work based on a combination of that and really limited biased experience.

When PUAs were first tackling this stuff (pre-The Game) we had nothing to go by except cold hard experience. The things we found about the unimportance of looks and money, about the hypergamy of women, about what alpha traits girls respond to, about how fast you can escalate things, about what controversial things you can say/do and still get the girl…this was all forged out of going out and pushing the limits. Tyler Durden still goes out 5-7 nights a week and encourages newbies to go out a minimum of 4 nights a week, because beliefs are retarded…experience is what matters.

The guy who believes money matters is the same as the guy who believes game doesn’t work. They’re just at different levels of inexperience. This isn’t necessarily their fault, lives get busy, pickup isn’t everyone’s priority, etc. it’s not a judgement of their worth, it’s just saying “if you haven’t done X, you can’t understand Y.”

This is why any guy who goes out a shit-ton will understand my rant. The guys who argue are simply inexperienced. That doesn’t mean they’re not decent people, it’s just a fact. I don’t know how to play the guitar, but I wouldn’t argue with a guy who plays shows nightly what the best way to hold one is.

Unless I was too full of myself to admit that I don’t play the guitar regularly enough to have an opinion on it…ego-protection and all that.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k51zX4kIoGs

PinballWizrd · 2019-06-23T01:04:20+00:00

Check out your local Meetup groups. Find one that interests you and go regularly.

Join a sports league - I recommend something like kickball or ultimate Frisbee, they are social sports and have fun people.

Dancing, find a local dance studio and start taking lessons, it's ridiculously easy to meet women there

buttfacenosehead · 2019-06-23T02:30:55+00:00

You go to an animal shelter & you walk dogs that are stuck in cages all day. You go to the Ronald McDonald House to help people who are desperate to see their children saved from some horrible disease. You go to the soup kitchens feed people who are down on their luck for all kinds of reasons (not all are drugs/alcohol). You meet other volunteers...people who are selfless, giving of themselves, or maybe they're recovering from addiction or an abusive relationship...they're at a crossroad in their life & need someone to talk to & encourage them. You can help others & help yourself too.

SuperDamian · 2019-06-23T03:27:25+00:00

Would havw suggest jogging/running.

Start the C25K program. From couch to 5 Kilometers program. Provides a very easy and slow, active start and prepares you to run 5 Kilometers without a break in a few weaks!

/r/c25k

human8ure · 2019-06-23T08:03:49+00:00

Go to one of the many free standup comedy open mics in the Bay area. Laugh your ass off. Don't even try to do anything else. If you had fun, go back. Repeat. See how comfortable you can get in that scene. Substitute for this activity literally any other. Oh, and then just maybe try to make people (not just ones you're attracted to) feel good. You already know what makes you feel good!

mcpayne01 · 2019-06-23T08:24:24+00:00

I would say listen to a Jordan Peterson video on how to properly orient yourself in the world. You can find them on YouTube. Your room is an external representation of yourself. Clean it up and see how you feel. Also, I’m a little drunk so take as you will.

taruqo · 2019-06-23T11:08:52+00:00

Exercise and find a nice hobby like cars or F1 or basketball or something

spookYOU · 2019-06-23T12:41:33+00:00

Not sure if you can tell what the overall theme of everyone’s post is yet but: work on yourself first before working on others.

brokenJawAlert · 2019-06-23T13:05:48+00:00

Bro you live at San Francisco. There are tons of things to do everyday. Use facebook, go into the events tab and look at the events in your city, pick one and go, call a friend or go alone, I go alone myself to a lot of events and you start getting to make friends with time

cat99dog · 2019-06-23T13:34:54+00:00

Try meetup . Com groups in your area. There are groups for everything from card playing to running to book clubs. But actually go. The hardest part will be going since it sounds like you are ‘out of practice.’ Report back to this group, it could help someone else.

TheMaddHatter12 · 2019-06-23T18:05:42+00:00

Train jujitsu!

2019-06-23T04:13:48+00:00

Take psilocybin mushrooms. They for sure saved my life.

goblinboglin · 2019-06-23T16:58:10+00:00

Dude.

I lost my virginity few months back.

Had sex like 100 times.

It's nothing special.

Dont sweat things like 'having to lose my V card' too much.

I didn't feel different after sticking my dick in a muff.

That doesn't mean you don't have to try to lose it, it means fuck being depressed because of such superficial thing.

uhhsamurai · 2019-06-23T01:57:30+00:00

Hit the gym, volunteer, and go to the library.

capitalistsanta · 2019-06-23T01:57:53+00:00

Go walk around. You don't have to get laid tonight, but you don't have to lay in bed all night alone. I've been looking for work and it's been stressful, but the other day at like 1am I walked about 20 blocks in one direction and then back home. Just walked by the storefronts, read some flyers, took menus from restaurants. I didn't even talk to anyone, but A: it was stress relieving and I felt trapped in my house and now I didn't. B: i now have this story. Just gotta put yourself out there.

Saw some old friends from middle school last night, it had been years. But we sat and drank and smoked blunts til 5am. We were all at different places in our lives. 2 of the 6 of us went to college, we're all making like 35k on average maybe, 2 of us were unemployed, I was unemployed and I have my degree, but like in the end all 6 of us were miserable and isolated 90% of the time in some capacity lol. Not every day you get to not feel alone with other people, and we are all going thru some shit. We're not alone in this bullshit even if we feel it sometimes. All of our natural tendencies would tell us to stay inside, but we went out and I felt so much stress leave my shoulders.

Z3ro_R3quiem · 2019-06-23T02:12:39+00:00

I started working out, took up Muay-Thai/MMA, and joined some local meetup groups for my hobbies (I.E. tabletop gaming).

i_never_get_mad · 2019-06-23T02:26:10+00:00

Find something to do.

Literally anything, and then see if you find anyone else who does that.

For me, it started with craft beer. I found a good craft beer bar near me. I hung out with other regulars.

Another one, which is probably controversial, is Crossfit. Yes, it’s stupid, but you know what? People who do CrossFit tend to have healthier life style, and they are really, really friendly. It’s just who they are. I haven’t seen a single asshole crossfiter. I move around a lot due to my millennial personality, and CrossFit is my go-to way to meet new people.

It doesn’t have to be either of those. Just go out there. Meet new people. They aren’t gonna find you.

domo34200x · 2019-06-23T02:26:14+00:00

Depression is a tough vicious cycle. I won’t pretend to be an expert on it simply because I still have it. There is something I can say about it though. “IT” doesn’t simply get better. YOU have to work on making it better. It’s going to take a long time and it’s a tough road but it is worth it. Keep yourself busy with something that makes you feel good. You should probably do something that helps you physically and or mentally. When that really bad funk hits I usually have to do a bit of exercise to make myself get hungry to eat. Personally my hobby is paintball but admittedly that can get a little expensive. If you know anyone that’s interested I’d recommend you try it out with them. But something I’m also realizing is that your attitude towards life helps the process. If you defeat yourself before you try something, you’ve already lost. Bruce Wayne didn’t become Batman over night. Keep striving towards “I can do it”

Kestrel887 · 2019-06-23T02:29:01+00:00

Start working out, star reading books and learn how you can make money feeling depressed and sitting on your ass isn't going to change shit go and make it happen even if you can't goto the gym or afford a membership start doing calisthenics and start eating good food you'll feel better like alot better.

piman95 · 2019-06-23T02:32:09+00:00

There must be tons of things to do in SF. You can go for a comedy show, a movie or a play or just a bar with some live music. Since you don't have any friends you can reach you can go to the gym or a club just have a few drinks and talk to the bartender about your fav sport or something. You can even go to a strip club for a god's sake. That will boost your confidence and you can hit the bar on Sunday with more belief in you and can talk to women

rewinder909 · 2019-06-23T02:55:47+00:00

When I was younger I would usually go on vacations with my uncles and cousins and I always wanted to go out and party but kinda hard when you are with you're family. So one day I decided to go anyways, ended up meeting a lot of people at a bar ended in a night club with them they were a large group of 10. Awesome night. Going by yourself is the best because you are not depending on anyone, you do what you want. I usually meet more people when I'm alone than when I'm with my friends, because you feel kinda obligated to talk to someone, so give it a try, just be careful at night don't go places you don't know.

ktorr1546 · 2019-06-23T03:03:29+00:00

I would suggest joining a co-ed sports league. I know SF has some leagues where you go play kickball and go to bars afterwards. That’s a great way to build a social circle.

VladPooten · 2019-06-23T03:07:19+00:00

WTF is FOMO?

HuddyHud98 · 2019-06-23T03:15:50+00:00

All these comments are bang on. Get busy/ find stuff to do. We all need some down time but I find I’m happiest when I’m busy and productive. Get a job, make money, find a purpose, work out, etc. the rest will happen naturally.

drdavidbanner20 · 2019-06-23T03:24:49+00:00

Make a battle plan and execute.

robben127 · 2019-06-23T03:28:55+00:00

What is fomo?

John-lovestosposh · 2019-06-23T03:51:45+00:00

I suggest you check out Braduis or karmisa king on youtube and go on a bootcamp. Will change your life forever (;

erect_sean · 2019-06-23T05:17:17+00:00

Salsa classes. You get to learn to dance and meet tons pf people

2019-06-23T05:35:46+00:00

This is a problem. Seek help now. Yes hit the gym but take care of yourself first. Seek psychological support and build yourself from there. Don’t bother hitting the clubs/bar right now because you need help first. The only thing it will do, is amplify your depression and anxiety.

cocoa_eh · 2019-06-23T05:39:22+00:00

Reading books in coffee shops! That’s what I do. Helps me get out of the house and sparks conversation if people see you in line with a book!

SFWBoots · 2019-06-23T05:41:44+00:00

During all that time in your room, what's going through your mind? What are you doing? Your mind must surely be thinking of things.

23235 · 2019-06-23T05:44:17+00:00

SF has tons of parks, they're amazing. Park Güell has SF's parks beat, but hey. Europe.

Anyways.

Just try sitting on a park bench in the shade of a tree for a while. It's better to sit and walk around in a park with one friend who gets you, but you can bring a book by an author who gets you.

Maybe it won't work for you. But it takes about 15-30 minutes to give it a shot. Leaving the house is often the hardest part.

Good luck with your depression.

IceWhite666 · 2019-06-23T07:39:39+00:00

There is a large group for San Francisco. Go join it and meet wings, let them inspire you and grow together with you.
https://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/c3oubw/what_happened_to_the_pua_forums_and_rsd_inner/

VernacularJazzyGeoff · 2019-06-23T08:43:23+00:00

Learn to social dance. Something like Lindy Hop, Salsa, or Argentine Tango. There are usually a lot more women then men wanting to dance. As mentioned previously, hitting the gym will help your social dancing immensely by teaching you good body mechanics and increasing core and grip strength.

touffaye · 2019-06-23T08:44:42+00:00

I think in your case an activity where you have to interact with people is better than hitting the gym. You can learn a martial art, play basket ball in a club, learn cooking, ... there ´s a lot of choices since you live in a big city.

kali883 · 2019-06-23T10:04:23+00:00

Start working out, eating right. Be very focused about bettering your outcome. Study health and fitness articles. Build fitness, strength, muscle.
Study fashion. Figure out what you’d like to wear. Study what not to do. Hair, clothes, shoes, accessories. Everything.
Start learning. Anything. An instrument, a language, cooking, pick up a passion and go through with the discipline of learning it seriously. Fill your Saturday with learning at a class if you can.
Read. Anything you like.

These three things will make you intense and interesting. Firstly, to yourself. Then, the world. The world will love hanging out with you and so will you.

Happiness is tough. Not impossible. Reach for it. All the best!

LucrativeThinkin · 2019-06-23T10:16:50+00:00

Go to a bar, talk to a girl you like the look of.

It's easy to say and a lot harder to do, I know. But as with anything else in life that you're scared of doing, the more you try the easier it gets.

The strange thing about fear is we are more scared of doing something before realising the action, once we're in the fray your brain makes itself comfortable.

For example, Will Smith spoke about being scared about going skydiving. The day he booked the dive he was shitting himself, as the day grew closer he would get more and more worried.

The day before jumping he could barely sleep, on the drive there and in the plane before jumping he was terrified, but as soon as he was out of the plane and in the air, he felt comfortable.

Hope this helps, good luck man. Also, sex is overrated.

Lundemus · 2019-06-23T10:51:14+00:00

I'm from Denmark, so I don't know much about San Francisco. But am I wrong to think there's an amazing national park nearby? If so, I would suggest you start hiking on weekends.

StormyTroopers · 2019-06-23T13:03:47+00:00

Join a hobby club. What are your interests?

Aristox · 2019-06-23T13:09:38+00:00

I found this short video clip really helpful for helping me take the next step. https://youtu.be/ESYYby1FuPc

Think of something you want to improve about yourself and write it down. Put it up on your wall, and if you can't think what to do next ask me and ill try to think for you :)

CyborgKungFu · 2019-06-23T13:16:02+00:00

Learn a martial art.

You’ll get exercise. You’ll get confidence when you feel you can handle yourself (this doesn’t happen overnight). You’ll meet some cool people too!

Bobandjim12602 · 2019-06-23T13:42:45+00:00

Wait, you live in San Francisco? Are you trying to get laid or just find friends?

Styloburner · 2019-06-23T14:20:41+00:00

I have this sometimes also. I do better when I have a plan in place. Like I say the night before, I'm going to go to a coffee shop tomorrow night and read. Or I'm going to go out to eat and then go to a bar. If I have a plan ahead of time, I usually avoid sitting at home.

DizzyxSin · 2019-06-23T14:38:26+00:00

People saying sex is overrated must put themselves in his shoes. When you never had sex obviously all you think about is sex.

iandmlne · 2019-06-23T14:47:44+00:00

Just get drunk/high and wander around the public spaces of college campuses, bring a book and a notepad/pen

bdog2398 · 2019-06-23T15:24:24+00:00

Go to a festival or rave! San Fran has so many things going on. People are very accepting and you will not feel alone!

HeatLightning · 2019-06-23T16:01:05+00:00

How about checking out local events on Facebook?

A_Good_Soul · 2019-06-23T16:16:18+00:00

Working out is a good idea but there are other ideas to consider too as there’s an absurd amount of things to do if you live in San Francisco.

However, you need to develop interests, hopefully social ones. People like people who are interesting and have something to share, so learn something. Guitar, music, painting, skateboarding, etc.And know that making friends takes time— months if not years.

Download the Meetup app. Go to one that looks interesting. Look up something to do today on SF.funcheap.com and just go by yourself. Walk around a street festival or whatever. Wait in line for a taco truck and just practice starting a conversation with the person behind you by asking if they’ve eaten at this truck before. Don’t expect anything from them and be alright when you leave them. Take the taco and sit on a bench. Ask the person on the bench if they’ve been to the festival before, etc... just start talking to anyone.

SFcityguides.org give great free walking tours. Learn the history of SF which is quite interesting even if you aren’t into history. Boom now you have random knowledge of the city to share with people when you’re out at your street festival. Ever see giant brick circles in intersections? Any idea who Emperor Norton is? Boom now you do and have something randomly cool to share.

Volunteer. Please please volunteer. So many organizations need help. Contact a dog shelter, a food bank, or anything that interest you from a quick google search. Call them and say you have no idea what you can do but you’re interested in learning about how to volunteer your time to help. They’ll be grateful and explain every option with no expectations you know going into it how to do anything. You’ll feel amazing for helping someone else and get another talking point and reason you’re interesting to others.

Gym, hobby, meetup, volunteer, going out by yourself and talk to people. Soon you’ll have legit things to discuss with other people such as your knowledge of street festivals, history about the location you’re at, volunteering, and the best taco trucks in the area. Invite someone from the Meetup group to your next solo outing and be the dude who says “this is the best taco truck here let’s eat at this one.” Now you have value because someone else appreciated that you thought of something to do, invited them, and have knowledge of where you’re at. They then might or might not invite you to something new in return. Do this for months and you’ll have a few people to do things with occasionally.

Get where I’m going? It doesn’t have to be street festivals, history, or taco trucks, but hopefully you get the point. And as per living st home, who gives a shit? More millennials do than you realize and there’s nothing to be ashamed of about it. SF rent is absurd and most people paying $1,300/mo for a crappy room with four roommates probably shouldn’t be spending that money anyway.

Go get a job? Go out and get one of those too. If you haven’t built up a resume yet pay your dues and work at a restaurant, retail shop, bar, etc. Nothing wrong with that at all.

I’m not even going to mention women here. Focus on yourself first. They will come not because you learned suave lines on reddit and wished for it to happen, but because you’re interesting and have things to say (tweaked by a bit of feedback and strategy found here).

Get off reddit. Go outside today. And every day. Take a 1hr walk anywhere in the city to get away from home. It’s beautiful out there.

bongtokent · 2019-06-23T16:55:08+00:00

Gym and hobbies. Gym gets your confidence up. Hobbies get your social skills up as long as it's one that causes you to go outside and/or interact. It doesn't even matter if it's a hobby that a lot of girls are into. Skateboarding, photography, pool, cars, hiking, or anything that gets you around people. Just getting out of the house and meeting people even guys is a huge start. You'll start to develop friendships. Friends lead to more friends then suddenly you've got friends, hobbies, and an attractive body. The three biggest things that attract females.

KingDeBoofus · 2019-06-23T16:57:11+00:00

Something that has helped me has been trying out new things and seeing whether I enjoy it or not. Often times, you strike up conversations and what not with people who have similar interests. Eg: playing pick up basketball, going to the gym, & what not. It'll start off with you heading to these places by yourself, but soon enough you'll find that the people you engage with actually start to become people in your life outside those hobbies

macook814 · 2019-06-23T16:59:41+00:00

Try climbing. Super social activity with lots of babes and cool guys

PIN-Code-Robin-Hood · 2019-06-23T17:46:44+00:00

San Fran can be a difficult place for finding likeminded people. Have you tried Bumble or Hinge? I’ve found luck in there meeting new people, and dating.

Also the gym works wonders. You’ll get mired by people who see you working out and I’m sure you can find some fun people around the gym too.

rickystudds · 2019-06-23T18:10:12+00:00

.... Hmmm... CHECK OUT OP POST HISTORY.....

fraudulentcloth · 2019-06-23T18:15:02+00:00

Try skateboarding or some type of bike riding. It will get you outside and give you a fun way to explore and find out what's going on in your area.

Also look up the good looking loser approach anxiety program. Regardless of what people think of that guy, the first part of the program is an easy way to get you talking to women that isn't going to be too over the top for you to handle. There's a similar program on his site for going out alone at night and a video about his experience with lonely Saturday nights if you're interested in that but don't waste too much time reading and analyzing stuff.

Like others have said going to the gym and getting out of your comfort zone are also very important. When you find a couple hobbies you like find groups or spots where people go frequently and try to get to know some of the people you see on a regular basis, then you'll have a social life. You could also try martial arts or something like that and become friends with the people in your classes. You can probably use reddit to find local groups for whatever hobby you decide to try.

Once you've gotten that sorted out start thinking about moving out. I know SF is expensive but having your own place will make getting girls much easier. Get some good pics, make a tinder, and use it when you aren't out talking to girls in real life. Sooner or later you will get laid and once you get one the rest will become easier and easier.

lesntoomy · 2019-06-23T18:49:43+00:00

Get into daygame. All of the hobbies and stuff ate nice but waste time. Chat up girls on the street using daygame. You live in a perfect area for it. Go through this stuff and get your daygame going. https://youtu.be/Q-Sehh-yD-c

THIS is all you need to change your life, if you do it, it will.

Gaardon · 2019-06-23T19:15:59+00:00

Learn to dance. Dancing is a great way to meet women I would recommend salsa

0urlasthope · 2019-06-23T19:17:58+00:00

Gym

Dress better

Good Haircut

Progressive exposure therapy

Watch RSD and other social skill media. Mark Manson is good.

Find a hobby. Mine has been /r/financialindependence lately but I'm super bored and needing to find a new one soon, likely dirt biking.

Yes all these are easier said than done, but they are doable.

Don't give up.... Social skills are one of the most difficult skills humans can learn. Computers can't even come close. You're likely beig too hard on yourself for thinking you should be amazing at something you don't practice. Well it's time to practice buddy.

MrKrugerDunning · 2019-06-23T19:27:25+00:00

I was an introvert just like you. One of the definitions of being an introvert is "someone that can relax with friends and in crowed areas and doing social things". I just assumed I was somebody wast just not able to relax with people around me... I was wrong.

1 month ago I started incorporating this awesome habit of facing any fear that I have. I notice the fear and fucking stare it right in the face.

Like there was a rollercoaster that I didn't dare to go on. I noticed my fear and I just went. And I recommend this to everybody. Face your fears. “We suffer more often in imagination than in reality”. When I started doing this, I became MUCH more confident. You start seeing things differently. As and example: I noticed that a rollercoaster only makes you FEEL as if you're going to die. You do not get physically hurt. You're just scared of the feeling of dying.

Face that fear, get to know it, make it your little bitch and the rollercoaster will become a fun thing to do.

While actively searching for fears I got to meet Mr. Social anxiety. He's a tough guy. I noticed that I had the fear of having a conversation with someone I didn't know. Or someone I knew, and I just kept thinking. What if we have an awkward silence? What if we run out of subjects to talk about?????

That's why I couldn't relax at social gatherings. I was in constant fear. How dumb was I, expecting to be able to relax when I was in constant fear?

So my advice to you is. Get to know your fear. Face it. Maybe in a controlled environment. (Like a rollercoaster).

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

For example:

- Meet someone girls from Tinder. Or some dating app.

- Talk to people in bars.

- Sign up for your local Toastmasters https://www.toastmasters.org/

- Get a life coach to help you.

Get to know your fear and notice that “We suffer more often in imagination than in reality”. Keep thinking : It's JUST a feeling. It will go away!. It will pass!

And one day you'll find yourself on a beautiful day such as today, relaxing with a couple of friends you just met a week ago and having a laugh.

Don't think that I still like to relax all alone at home. I still love it. I'm just not trapped by fear anymore.

And don't think that being a virgin is a disadvantage! There is a type of girl that loves virgins. Find that type haha!

SchroedingersCATT · 2019-06-23T19:34:10+00:00

I suggest hitting a bar. Have an open mindset. Just be chill. Don't expect shit. Go there, drink, and try to talk to people just to entertain yourself. Believe it or not most people have atleast a few interesting stories. From personal experience as a virgin nerd fuck till I was 20, my life turned around when I started going out and drinking with these crazy ass kids I met at the beach. We had so many adventures completely blasted. Make your mentality this, every interaction is meant to be entertainment for you. Aside from that, just go out, talk to people and once you have a little experience you can move to other bars or clubs.

ysspedrogonzaga · 2019-06-23T20:23:57+00:00

Try to go out alone. If you like to drink, grab some beers and just sit in a bar nearby, and watch people doing their things. Occasionally, someday you gonna talk to someone or maybe flirt with a girl.

If bars are not your thing, try to go a party, to a park or just walk around and listen to your favorite music. This will help you with anxiety. In these walks, you should find some place that you would like to come back in the future.

subbiie · 2019-06-23T21:26:00+00:00

r/VirginityExchange

jimmy804 · 2019-06-23T22:20:07+00:00

Invest in grooming tools. Grooming yourself is very important.

VoltronsLionDick · 2019-06-23T02:31:41+00:00

Start with play parties. It's 2019 and you live in a liberal coastal city. You honestly don't even need awesome game to get laid anymore these days. Look up cuddle parties in your area. A lot of the same people who put them on also put on events with sex allowed. It's not a great environment to meet your first serious girlfriend at, but it's a great way to shake off the jitters and get introduced to touching a woman who is ok with you touching her. Once you have it normallized in your experience, you'll feel more at ease pursuing it in your daily life.

And yes, hit the gym. Also learn a partner dance, like swing or tango. Lot of women do these. It's a great way to be a part of a community after college is over.

spacecatbiscuits · 2019-06-23T02:57:22+00:00

To attract women, you need to know their hidden secret.

It's a mystery to most, that's why so few naturals exist, though we were all born with this power to attract women naturally, Society suppresses masculine sexual energy to control and dominate our reality. Subconsciously, you've allowed outside forces to dominate you, and women pick up on this INSTANTLY. By nature, women are submissive, and they can only submit to a man who first dominates HIS reality before he can dominate their own.

The secret is pure, masculine sexual energy. No "game". Lines. Routines. Strategy. My only "strategy" is "Sup". What turns women at the core is your core.

I will share this simple meditation practice I do for a few minutes a day that allows me to connect with "real women" who are natural in their behaviour which attract real connections in real life. These natural women are the key to you being a 'natural' real man.

Shoot a PM if interested. If not, well, you're free to wollow in self-pity.

BlueRibbon998 · 2019-06-23T01:25:41+00:00

Google search a list of events going on in your city and see what pops up. Living in San Francisco--heck, just living in California itself, there's loads of things going on, on a Saturday night.

The thing is, you have to learn to enjoy your own company and not be concerned about being seen alone in the public eye. Go to a movie, see if there are any comedians doing stand-up, go to a nightclub, go for a drive in the city, chill at a bookstore, walk around the mall, get a gym membership, etc.

Generally any activities I do, I usually do by myself because most of the people I know are always working. I've been going by myself to most movies now for 4 years. A completely liberating feelings to show up 30-40 minutes early and choose where I want to sit. I also went to a public Halloween party on a rooftop nightclub by myself last year on my birthday. It was a bit weird at first to almost be the only person there alone, but I eventually brushed it off. I walked around, bought myself a few drinks, relaxed, and occasionally chilled on my phone.

When you have no plans, you have to make plans for yourself even if it means you're alone. Live your life, man! One weekend, take a trip to the mountains or a national park (CA has lots of those) and just relax to get things off of your mind and be at peace with yourself because you deserve it. Take care of yourself!

2019-06-23T01:15:11+00:00

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a_sinking_ship · 2019-06-23T01:07:09+00:00

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IsuckatGo · 2019-06-23T07:54:10+00:00

Why the hell are you asking for the advice on something so important on reddit?
You already know what you need to do in order to make your life better.
So why are you waiting, get up and do it!
Good luck with your adventures.

LagginPotato64 · 2019-06-23T01:36:14+00:00

Go get laid

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