FR monday night bars

nonsass · 2017-07-18T15:17:50+00:00

I see more woeful advice being given as usual, lol

This sub suffers from a strange hindsight bias where people rationalise every interaction and try to force the reason for failure in a Field Report.

If a guy opens direct and gets blown out, it's 'Noooo!! Never open Direct, bro!!!''

Then if he opens indirect and gets blown out, its ''You gotta make your intentions clear, bro!! Open direct!!!''

The answer, as seems to be the case for me in this FR, is that he didn't do anything wrong! In fact, he appeared to cover all of the bases and opened in a varying fashion.

Simply put, the girls weren't into him. He didn't do anything wrong at all.

Game isn't some jedi mind trick where you can take over a girls mind with your PUA SKILLLZZZ and make every girl want you.

Fact is, the girls weren't into him. likely because of his looks. Maybe he smelt? Who knows.

Maybe only mods should be able to comment on FR's or something because it's just a shit storm of aweful advice nowadays

JuanitoNinjito · 2017-07-18T09:01:39+00:00

Reminds me of Sex Drive... "I admire your ability to open"... honestly the fact that you kept going is admirable as well.

On the flip side tho... damn dude tbh it is like you were trying too hard and your openers come off as too needy or too far out there. Like you're trying to be super witty when probably half of them already saw you get shot down earlier (making it 10x more likely they will shoot you down as well).

If you must go the direct route (which definitely forces thrm to make an insta-yes or no decision, likely no) then try something very minimal like "You look like trouble, how's your night going?" Shows intention but doesn't force them to decide if they're gonna get w you yet.

Honestly I'd go indirect and that's to ask situational/empathetic things and transition out of them... "You guys know where else is a good place to go on a Monday night in town here?", transitioned into "What's the occasion/why are you guys out" (yes, I say guys even if they're girls because it sounds less like I'm trying to get in with thrm and more of just a outgoing normal person)

Also just be aware that if you strike out with some girl, chances are that most everyone saw it. Not that you care about what everyone thinks, but chances are girl #2 or 3 is gonna be like "oh so girl 1 is better than you, but I'm your option b and I should be all for it?"

Hope this helps.

Morokweng · 2017-07-18T08:53:36+00:00

In my field reports which I keep in a google document, I try to focus more on my feelings at the time, the vibe that I'm putting out, and try to identify any general mistakes that I made.

In what you have written you are reciting the exact words that you and they said, but this is pointless as it does nothing to convey emotional information. Although the quotes are laced with kind of "desperately trying to keep up the happy facade" self-depricating comments which do the job of conveying how you feel... And then at the end you say plastic surgery, as if the reason you're getting blown out is because of your looks.

From what you've written you clearly desperately want this stuff to work, you're seeking positive reactions and validation from girls rather than giving value to them. You're putting on a happy facade to hide the real pain you feel, which just comes across as creepy, and when you do approach you're not being clear with your sexual intentions, which is why approach 3 responded positively at first but was then surprised when you tried to escalate beyond just being friendly.

Kenic_In_MD · 2017-07-18T15:41:46+00:00

Nice approaches, I really like how this FR was written! Getting rejected is part of the process and expected. Keep it up man!

Jsieijejeieokkd · 2017-07-18T17:13:33+00:00

I think the issue is frame. You came off as a low value guy in a bar looking to hook up in a Monday.

I would suggest involving a wing man, or wing girl. That way in your approach you immediately have social proof. You also were just there having drinks after work and you "just had to come over and meet you."

Keep it light, and choose to pick up in a venue where their defenses are down.

Try an upscale supermarket like whole foods. Keep it casual. Personally I do like the club scene if the music is too loud to hold a decent conversation. Especially girls in packs will be hard to break up in a dance club. It gives them power that's why they do it.

DeathRebirth · 2017-07-18T19:22:56+00:00

Dude you did well, don't beat yourself up. Nice write up as well!

Relax and keep at it. Looks do matter, but most of us will go 0 for six. What matters is you are the guy trying and doing it in a friendly confident manner.

With time your hide will get thicker and you will pull this stuff off with pure confidence.

Then maybe you go 1 in 10, but you are still beating most people's averages and improving yourself in the process.

JimBeamAndCoke2016 · 2017-07-18T12:07:07+00:00

Well done on keeping going, but it sounds like the typical difficulties that are encountered when approaching UK girls.

AR-47 · 2017-07-18T16:30:23+00:00

You made 6 approaches in one night. Who cares if they were all rejections because you still did better than most.

ianxious · 2017-07-18T15:41:49+00:00

We've got one guy saying to he needs to speak to her for 4 hours without asking her any questions, and we've got one saying that he shouldn't try to feign confidence or appear in a good mood! This is Gold.

gatwickboi · 2017-07-18T16:42:41+00:00

If someone like SaschaPUA posted his FR's here, can you imagine the armchair pickup guys at seddit telling him what he done 'wrong' and how much shit he'd get?! lol

''Dude! You jumped in front of her and said ''Don't be alarmed! This is my real haircut!!!??'' That's why she blew you out, bro! You gotta be man-to-woman!''

''Wait, you asked her what she's doing today!? Dude. She'll think yuo're a stalker!! Don't ask a girl a question for the first 3 hours of a conversation!''

sailnaked6842 · 2017-07-18T18:43:56+00:00

I like you, you've got persistence and you're pretty funny. Your self confidence is an issue which the only way to get over that is pretend that you're a rock solid 10. I learned this from my friends who'd pull tail that weren't that good looking but they believed it, and because they did, the girl did too. I hated my appearance for the longest time but picked up that it worked and just pretended. It was fun to pretend, at first, but after a while I started to believe it and my self esteem went way up. Only thing, verbally, I see is that what you're saying is very superficial and lacking substance. This makes interactions short, no matter how witty or clever you are. For example;

"Here her friend blurts out ''Do you wacth loveIsland? That's her type!'' - They both giggle!) ''Ahhh....steroids and a sun tan! I'm gonna come back for you in 6 months looking like Lou Feerrigno!''"

The approach is right but the phrasing here makes it difficult for her to respond and will likely make her uncomfortable. A better response would have been to make it into a question because questions make her responses easier and show interest. Maybe think like this; If she was interested how would she respond to you? "I hope to see you then", or she could shut you down with "Okay, I'll see you then" but if you make it a question suddenly she can open up. Imagine saying "Oh, love that show. I can't tell what goes with my style, thinking Lou Ferrigno or maybe Jersey Shore, what do you think?" Making her comfortable should be your number one goal because even if you do look like Lou Ferrigno she won't let you freak if she's not comfortable. Secondly she won't let you freak either if you don't believe you're high enough value, she'll sense it and move on.

Solid work though, homie

iDidntReadOP · 2017-07-18T17:53:40+00:00

I will say based on some of your more self deprecating comments and in your OP, I think you need to work on yourself. I'm in the same boat where I don't have that self confidence I used to and even when going on dates it makes me feel hollow. Make sure you are happy with your appearance and don't let what some girl said actually get to you.

enkae7317 · 2017-07-18T23:20:25+00:00

Good approaches. Most guys I know tell me to avoid the dance floor like the plague. Ultimately, it's up to you. Solid calibration but I think I know what your problem is: you seem to eject too quickly.

reds_under_the_bed · 2017-07-19T07:49:13+00:00

You seem pretty chill and I like your persistence. Don't get too down on yourself, there is no need for anything dramatic like plastic surgery. To me it seems like more of a situational problem. I wasn't a fan of the way you approached the first encounter. To me it seems like you were on the defensive. You gave her a compliment by calling her pretty, there is no need to ruin the mood by indirectly say that she's up herself with your sarcastic comment about being modest. When you said "this is the part where you say something nice about me," it comes off as a bit desperate and also kind of critical because you're implying that she has bad manners. Better to keep things positive. The second point is not really something you can do much about. The thing is, a lot of girls just flat out feel uncomfortable being approached by guys in bars. A lot of the time we know that guys don't really see us as a person and just want us for sex. There is also the very high chance that they won't take reaction well and get angry or violent, or that they will try and sexually assault us. Don't take it personally, because it's nothing to do with you. We just learn to be on the defensive from a young age. It's better to approach a trip to the bar as an opportunity to have fun and meet people. You should try and connect with girls as equals and make them feel comfortable and safe around you rather than going on the prowl and trying to pick girls up. I know this is kind of the whole point of this sub so feel free to ignore all my advice, it's all the same for me. But if you try my method you might actually find that it works for you. In the worst case you will end up with a few new friends and I can tell you that a LOT of women will respect you for not being sleazy.

kirauk1 · 2017-07-18T13:25:59+00:00

Girls are not interested in LOOKS , get that out of your mind , you just convey too much interest . By askingnall thoose questions about them , you seem like a creep who's gonna stalk them , I would not say my name age and where I live to a stranger , at least not before 4 hours of conversation , why would they ? Do you get me ?

Title	FR monday night bars
Author	essexaspie
Upvotes	24
Comments	53
Date	July 18, 2017 8:27 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/6nzgg2/fr_monday_night_bars/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/fr-monday-night-bars.1430573 https://theredarchive.com/post/1430573

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