Girls avoid me

_grim · 2013-04-23T15:11:03+00:00

" I feel sorry for my parents, they think I could have plenty of girls and just like being single, they dont know I'm a complete failure yet."

Your self esteem, self worth, and frame of mind is the issue. You're in a circular cycle that you need to break.

1) Stop complimenting people and feeling sorry for yourself and your parents. Until you have great self worth, your compliments are going to come off as either worship or saying something because you want something in return. No one wants to be on the receiving end of that.

2) step two, learn to be content with yourself. You are needy and your self worth comes externally. Learn to be happy. Most women actually make life more complicated, suck up resources, and aren't worth the mental time or worship that you're mentally giving them at the moment. You don't need them. They need you. Until you learn that, internalize it, and it permeates into every part of your life, you're going to stay frustrated.

3) step three, talk to everyone. men, women, old, young... talk to them for the sake of talking and because people are interesting and so are you.

4) have some fun.

5) DJ now, rather than later. Most DJ's actually suck live and it will put you in a position where people have to approach you and you constantly will need to be able to communicate in a spectacular manner in a loud environment doing something you actually like to do. Putting on a great show and marketing yourself is as hard, if not harder than composing music.

Idontlikekarmawhores · 2013-04-23T12:04:23+00:00

First: FIND A HOBBY, Something that does not involve women at all ( videogames arent productive hobbies) Second: Go over to /malefashionadvice get a sense of fashion Third: If you dont go to the gym atleast 3 times a week now, START FUCKING DOING THAT

Forget about seduction for awhile until you get your shit together. FORGET ABOUT WOMEN, Dont masturbate either, just focus on productive things.

I did this at the beginning of the year, and i had great results!

IPlayUkulele · 2013-04-23T13:55:34+00:00

Dude, I don't know what to do either. You've already given up.

Look at your post! That girl didn't avoid you. But another guy, who actually had a sense of self-worth, came up and kino'd the fuck out of her. You had a nice move of pulling her out to dance, but you didn't escalate. And why should you apologize? She made the choice to be out there dancing.

How much of the top posts here have you read? How much have you practiced? All I see are posts in /r/ForeverAlone and this post. We want to help you. Try this post and especially this post to get started. Don't just give up, dude.

DMTdynomite · 2013-04-23T14:29:51+00:00

I usually get the same results but something that seems to be working for me is talking to everyone not just that girl. Everyone wants what they can't have. Right? Well if she sees you interacting with other people and being friendly, to male and females, that will cut the creepy vibe down a ton. I don't focus much on trying to score. I Try focusing human interaction. Don't even really ask a girl for her number until you've talked to her a few times. And for me they seem to think I'm mysterious or some shit when I'm more just super shy and have shitty fashion/ shirt beard and short. So a dude that is fit and well dressed should have better results .

Rayofpain · 2013-04-23T14:53:17+00:00

yo dawg lemme see what ur wearing

Willem20 · 2013-04-23T14:53:30+00:00

Ooh, what do we have here.. A challenge, a quite big one I see!

First let me explain what is going on with you at the moment, it is a psychological effect which is your main problem. By thinking you 'creep' girls out, you eventually will creep them out. Maybe you should lay low on the Facebook thing though. By constantly seeking their approval you will increase your chance to be rejected, thus making you feel more shit about yourself.

As already adviced: change your cloths. You already said you did, but I think you didn't do it well enough. You might have switched from band t-shirts to sweaters or what not, but that is not enough. Clotches make the man, as the motto of MFA already says. I'm dressing more formal now, even wearing an occasional tie and I'm getting some compliments, but mostly: I'm getting all the eyes.

Something else I've noticed: everyone gives you advice, and still you say you've already did that with zero results. A typical fallacy. I think you see what you want to see, and you don't want to see the results. This is not something you do cognitive, don't worry.

My advice? Well, I've already given most of it, but I suggest you work on your inner-game first. There are loads of threads about it. One particular Seddit thread One external database where some inner game articles are: DJ Bible

ChiFreya · 2013-04-23T15:54:09+00:00

As a girl, post a goddamn picture.

Secondly, most girls are empathetic and could probably tell that you were/are uncomfortable with yourself when you approach them.

Hell, I was at a bar two weeks ago to see my friend who was a bartender and ended getting hit on by a member of the Harlem wizards. All because when he said he wanted jack straight with no ice I told him that he he was in a little po dunk town, then followed immediately with "you're going to want ice in that. It's warm."

I'm socially awkward and have social anxiety. I managed to get myself to say that! After that, I was really proud of myself. It must of translated well because he ended up walking me home to grab my phone, walking me back to the bar, buying me a drink, and I got his number at the end of the night.

What mattered was that I was proud of myself for doing something I normally couldn't do.

If you are not comfortable for whatever reason, we as females won't be comfortable. If you are thinking "I'm such a creep for trying to hit on this girl" we are going to know.

I succeeded because all I thought ro myself that night was "I am going to sit here and drink my drink for as long as I can handle being here," and I ended being there until last call.

Confidence in self is key.

edit: spelling.

redditor323 · 2013-04-23T16:27:25+00:00

Maybe it's because you are a drow...

BranMan1615 · 2013-04-23T16:28:57+00:00

Hey man, everyone is asking for a picture and you're not delivering. We are not wanting to see a picture to make fun of you and lower your confidence. Take feedback as positive criticism, we all have a common goal and none of us are perfect.

IcedDante · 2013-04-23T18:00:55+00:00

Deleting your post after a bunch of people comment on it is ridiculous. C'mon man- if you can't even love yourself how can you expect other people to love you?

dialdfordesi · 2013-04-23T21:22:36+00:00

Have you ever thought of counseling or talking to a doctor? The comments you've made here show that your negative self-image is pervasive. Even when you talk about being on a label (!) you say you think you are at least a bit talented. I've been there where people try and show you that you have redeeming qualities but you've found some way to deflect it all and dismiss any advice. I didn't realize I was suffering from depression. Usually clinicians ask about SIG E CAPS:

Sleep: any changes?

Interest: do you still find interest in things you like?

Guilty feelings?

Energy reduced?

Concentration: are you having trouble with it?

Appetite: Eating more or less?

Psychomotor agitation: Do you or others notice any purposeless movements that usually an anxious person would do (hand wringing, pacing around the room)?

Suicide: any thoughts, plan, or intent on ending your life?

Give some thought to seeing a counselor or a doctor, don't dismiss it. Have you went down that route before? If not, don't knock it! If yes, try a different doc. Please just keep in mind that what you're doing right now is not working, so you have to change something up.

drowranger0 · 2013-04-23T17:21:13+00:00

[permanently deleted]

uberafc · 2013-04-23T12:39:37+00:00

Post a pic here if you think it's your looks. As someone who is also losing his hair I know how you feel. It really feels like a big deal and that no one will find us attractive. I was given the same advice in this regard and that was to work out, shave my head and own it. I'm not there yet but working towards it. I have days where the balding gives me a ton of insecurities but eventually i'll just have to accept it.

sed-caelys · 2013-04-23T14:52:23+00:00

How you are talking about things I can already tell you it is your mindset. You probably aren't portraying any confidence and your body language is showing it. You are coming off very needy, the fact that when you get blown off you are still trying to add them to facebook and continue to message them. Once you start doing that after being rejected, you are just digging yourself a deeper grave - you need to stop and move on to another girl, not focus on the same one.

When you are going out, are you with friends or do you go by yourself? What is your goal when you go out? What sort of places do you go? How do you generally open girls? How long do you wait before you open girls?

Brannus · 2013-04-23T17:08:05+00:00

Sadly... you have to go back to the drawing board when it comes to the inner game. You are clinging to this idea of perfection and results. This is tied into being outcome dependent and caring about what EVERY SINGLE PERSON thinks about you. Then what makes it worse is you think there is some conspiracy that everything bad is happening to JUST you.

Now.., to you comparing yourself to your friend. So your friend is making out with chicks? Is he kinoing more than you? Is he actually taking the risk to try and kiss a girl? Instead of going, "I wish I could these things happen to me", look at what he is doing and see if you're not doing something important. Social learning can be a real asset to people.

Now to some specific examples. If you're going to base your self-esteem on the number of messages you get back on Facebook and online dating sites, then you might as well base your self-esteem on the number of times you win at crack at a casino. You'll probably get better results. There is a reason why, even when using online sites, to set up a meet up sooner rather than later. Emotions are fickle. One night things are going hot, and the next it could be cold. Liking or commenting on a girl's status on Facebook is not going to make her drop her panties for you.

I dont even get the chance to mention my hobbies and if i do they don't seem impressed or something more like "who cares?"

And? So someone doesn't think your hobby is cool or interesting. Who is living your life? Them or you? If you're looking for validation from strangers, then you've already lost.

I could go on...but honestly, I doubt this will be much use to you. My honest opinion is you need to go back to the drawing board with your inner game. You are seeking things outside yourself (which isn't bad...only when it's not the ONLY thing you're validating yourself with) to make you happy. Which gets you caught up into a causation loop of trying for results, not getting the results, and feeling bad because you didn't get the results YOU WANTED. You have no "right" to have success with every girl you set your eyes on.

TL;DR: So you've made progress to your outer game. You have a hobby you like, and you started to work out. Great. Until you come to accept yourself and be okay with being you, nothing you can do will help you. As many have said before me, it's your mindset. Go back and work on your inner game before you start at this again.

dzy1 · 2013-04-23T17:15:06+00:00

Look man, sometimes its hard to analyze yourself. If you are doing all this by yourself, maybe theres something you aren't able to see that others can. I'd say get a buddy to help you out and analyze what you are doing wrong. Or sign up for some of those classes with a PUA (I know seddit doesn't like that word but whatever) and they can analyze what they see. Everyone pretty much sees themselves as normal and average, because thats what we see everyday and are what we are used to. Get some outside UNBIASED help.

Siddly · 2013-04-23T17:31:00+00:00

Fuck that shit! If a guy like me can get a girl then there's hope for any motherfucker out there. Step 1. Go out and make small talk with at least five or six girls that night. Nothing major, no bullshit. Just small talk. Ask her about her pet if she has one, where she's from, what she did in college. Anything, just get her talking. Step 2. Do not and I mean DO NOT buy her the first drink. If you buy a woman the first drink she automatically has the upper hand, she knows you're into her and she has no reason to stay. Make her work a little bit for it. One other thing I've seen on here...don't spend the entire night with just one woman. Talk to her for a bit then move one. Drink with your friends for a bit and then talk to another girl. You aren't trying to hook up or get a kiss or anything at this point all you're doing is putting yourself out there. If you meet a girl you like during the night, find her and tell her that you enjoyed chatting to her or something along those lines and tell her you'd like to do it again sometime. Either ask for her number or give her yours. The choice is up to you. I hope all this helps, let me know if I managed to help you at all and good luck!!

phro · 2013-04-23T18:01:58+00:00

You need to go back to basics. If you want other people to like you then you need to like yourself first. Read the Book of Pook and take that to heart.

DFP_ · 2013-04-23T19:14:06+00:00

OP, thank you for your sacrifice. You seem embarrassed by this post, but its replies have been more helpful to me than any other thread in this sub.

I don't know what you posted, but from the replies I'd call us men of similar minds. The only difference being that you rock EDM and I'm the lead singer of a band. It just really goes to show how important your mentality really is.

Well, hope this all works out for you. I'm going to go talk to more people and take another crack at those lyrics.

2013-04-23T20:36:52+00:00

stop wanting girls! Chasing them is the problem. Start seeing yourself as the prize. You know those tender emotions you feel? Those are your value. These girls cant see underneath where the true beauty that is your soul resides. Find it in yourself, find your real self ! I never had sucess with women until I didnt want them. Then they all want you, the man who knows himself and doesnt need a girl to be happy. Funny how it works right?

HugzMonster · 2013-04-23T20:51:54+00:00

No they don't.

UNIVERSE_42 · 2013-04-23T21:07:59+00:00

Its funny I feel the same. I have confidence, I am successful and other than some unwanted weight and not alot either I feel I am a catch for any woman with her head on her shoulders.I also don't have a type I love them all short,tall,small tits big tits,thin fat, whatever . I don't chase girls, I walk with confidence my head up shoulders square but because I am built like a lineman have a gnarly goat (chin hair not the goat your thinking) drive a big diesel truck I think alot of girls think I am just another asshole with ink,shaved head and a big truck. I am not at all I am the most generous guy I can be. I open doors and hold them for anyone male or female. So my question how can I increase my female social circle and still look like a gnarly guy because thats me and if I have to change that to get more ass than fuck it I becoming a metal monk.

Bjarmi92 · 2013-04-23T18:07:40+00:00

1) build self esteem any way

the rest you need money.. only way

2) get an expensive hair cut 3)get a gay guy to dress you up at least 2 whole outfits 4)clean up your diet 5)tan at least 1-2 time every week 6)start workouting out, get a trainer 7)get PERFECT posture

in 2 months girls will look at you even if you are ugly, and they will feel attracted.. 80% of attracvtive guys beauty sectret reveald.

Title	Girls avoid me
Author	drowranger0
Upvotes	26
Comments	134
Date	April 23, 2013 11:57 AM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1cxhxa/girls_avoid_me/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/girls-avoid-me.1351157 https://theredarchive.com/post/1351157

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