Hard time accepting casual sex

roy_scott · 2012-12-24T09:46:39+00:00

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TofuTofu · 2012-12-24T13:04:38+00:00

I'm not sure I follow... Are you feeling insignificant because girls seem to only be interested in casual sex with you?

instagigated · 2012-12-24T16:25:22+00:00

I know what you mean by this.. With all girls wanting sex, and you only being one guy, it starts to feel like they're the predator and you're the prey (overly strong language but I couldn't really think of better words). But basically the game has changed. You're not going out as a caveman to try and manhandle your way into grabbing a piece of ass to throw over your shoulder and bring back home anymore. Since all girls are looking for sex, you're better off working on the intimate connection part so that when you have sex it's with girls you actually find worth hooking up with and you enjoy it because it means something. My 2c.

choc_is_back · 2012-12-24T14:46:29+00:00

I'm having a hard time accepting the idea that alot of girls are just looking for casual sex.

Contrary to a lot of talk about 'intentions' here, my experience is that girls, just like me, don't have it all planned out so well when they are attracted to, and have sex with, somebody new.

Wiggin_Andrew · 2012-12-24T16:06:19+00:00

No girl is the same. None. Some will and some won't. The job you have is to figure out which of them they are.

Just know that, yes, many girls will have sex and quickly. But that does NOT mean they're just looking for that or are some kind of girl. A situation has to present itself for that to happen to them.

You need to be that situation.

philosarapter · 2012-12-24T17:42:52+00:00

Hey man it sounds to me that you want sex to be an important event between two people, and that the casual nature in which sex is thrown around these days has gotten you feeling a little jaded. Its ok though, because not every girl is the same, just like not every guy is the same. If you feel sex should be a meaningful act, I can guarantee you there are plenty of women who share your perspective.

I feel alot of knuckleheads here will tell you that getting laid is the goal and the only purpose in life. But looking for a significant connection with someone is completely valid and simply means you have certain standards. If a girl does not meet your standards, then you pass on her and keep meeting new girls until you find one that surpasses your expectations.

stressnadiction · 2012-12-24T17:17:49+00:00

say what u will, but imo, todays men and women have exploited awhore mentality. the act of sex and sexual energy is sacred, and for emotionally led people to be driven by an immediate satisfaction through sex, is criminal. it strips people of self value, and self respect. not much we can hold on to these days, why let that go at such a cheap cost?>I'm having a hard time accepting the idea that alot of girls are just looking for casual sex. The problem was apparent when I started reading about abundance mentality. I have been getting attention from 'too many' girls and it is hard to understand. Are all girls my age (early 20s) just looking for sex? It has gotten to the point where I am starting to feel insignificant and don't want to have sex at all. How do I get my sex drive back?

2012-12-24T16:57:19+00:00

It sounds like you have the problem of women only wanting you for your body. Like you are good looking but not that interesting or intelligent. Most guys who dont win the genetic lottery have to work on their smarts to get laid, and my guess is you have the opposite problem. So work on your brain, humor and hobbies, then they will likely want more than just to have sex with you.

AtheistAgnostic · 2012-12-24T11:13:13+00:00

Stop masturbating

EDIT: To clarify, I did not mean this in an offensive way. If he's having problems with sex like this, chances are he's masturbating and that's why sex doesn't seem meaningful to him. Check out /r/nofap or just think about it enough. Stop masturbating (at least keep it way way less than normal) is my #1 recommended tip before bothering to come to /r/seduction

abrohamlincoln9 · 2012-12-24T17:03:02+00:00

I've felt the same way most of my life. Did you grow up religious? I did and that "save yourself for marriage" spiel really affected my views towards sex. I was afraid to hear a girl's "number" and I was afraid of getting having too many sex partners. You just got to stop slut shaming girls and yourself. Sex is fun, don't put it on a pedestal.

you_know_him · 2012-12-24T21:28:46+00:00

As for the sex drive--raw celery. I kid you not.

ragenFOX · 2012-12-24T11:20:22+00:00

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This_is_skyler · 2012-12-24T20:06:47+00:00

Could someone tell me what abundance mentality is?

LPYoshikawa · 2012-12-24T21:29:49+00:00

So did I get this straight?: so you wanted to have causal sex, but you see all the girls wanted to have casual sex as well. So you lose your sex drive. What is with this logic? hypocrite much? (I assume you want casual sex because other girls wouldn't be a problem if you have a dedicated girlfriend).

SwissPUA · 2012-12-24T22:32:48+00:00

OP, the first thing you need to learn is that LIFE IS NOT A FUCKING MOVIE.

Are all girls my age (early 20s) just looking for sex?

That's a question noone can answer, except if you take it literally: ALL? NO. But a lot of them are. And I love it.

Sangria_and_Soccer · 2012-12-24T15:55:59+00:00

Read "My Secret Garden" by Nancy Friday. Or read the best-selling book this year, "50 Shades of Grey". Girls love to get fucked plain and simple. When they are single do you really think they are not going to have sex because they aren't in a relationship? C'mon man! There is some social conditioning inside you that you need to overcome. Girls are sluts and so are men. There is nothing wrong with casual sex because sex isn't a big deal. It's just sex and it's silly and detrimental to think otherwise.

2012-12-24T17:05:04+00:00

some people have low sex drives so this might not be a big deal (don't let the jealous people tell you anything else), or maybe you you might be depressed or have a health issue which has caused your libido to drop. if you've been feeling down or unwell see a doctor or councilor

chrrie · 2012-12-24T18:30:18+00:00

I don't necessarily think the issue is that most girls just want casual sex. I certainly don't go out looking for that, and neither do my other girl friends. Usually what ends up happening in this case is that there is something missing that prevents the relationship from moving to the next level, but the sex is good -or- she just doesn't have a lot of options and keeps the guy around until something better comes along.

At the end of the day, both guys and girls do this. Most girls will pursue a relationship over casual sex in a heartbeat if she's truly into the guy. Also, many girls are extremely guarded at first because WE'RE used to guys "only wanting casual sex" (aka- the guy just isn't into us enough for anything serious) so if you want more you have to really prove it.

thefuckamireading · 2012-12-24T18:34:58+00:00

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sisamisa · 2012-12-24T20:10:25+00:00

if you are "marriage material" girls would not like to have casual sex with you. They would like to have whole of you for themselves. To own you. And opposite: if you are just handsome, but not faithful or rich, they would like to have casual sex, rather than proper relationship. Statistically speaking. When you go to individual level, everything is possible.

2012-12-24T20:48:28+00:00

Sex drive back? Stop masturbating.

Lucky_kelley · 2012-12-24T21:27:29+00:00

welcome to a society where condoms and contraception are a widely accepted thing.

mtwtrf · 2012-12-25T04:19:45+00:00

I would say some girls aren't into casual sex as a male sees it. In my experience, women can get what they need (love, kindness, affection, sex) from a man without being in any sort of committed relationship. This way, they are getting the basis of a relationship without the real tough-work that makes relationships last.

As a man you can tap into this by finding a girl you are into, but not wanting to be in a relationship with, and if she shares the aforementioned mentality, you can hang with her for a while without either party expecting it to go further.

This doesn't make sense if 1) you really want a girlfriend; 2) she really wants a boyfriend; 3) you can't fuck someone who would otherwise just be a friend.

If none of those three are an issue, you can definitely have casual sex, and by all means, enjoy it!

Some are there for a time, and some are there for a longer time. Don't take either for granted.

2013-02-21T03:35:24+00:00

No. Not all girls are like that. I have only been with my boyfriend, and he's the only one I intend on being with. He is very important to me, and I find that sex would become somewhat meaningless if it were to be thrown around.

jakethedog221 · 2012-12-24T19:50:47+00:00

I'm no longer interested in casual sex myself. I flat out say I don't sleep with women on the first night. Accept it or leave. They don't leave.

RiseAboveIt · 2012-12-24T15:19:55+00:00

Want your sex drive back? Stop masturbating.

newguyinreddit · 2012-12-24T14:01:59+00:00

let me tell you a very true fact:

An average 24 year old girl has slept with at least 30 guys. but she has been only in 2 or 3 long term relationships.

For guys it is hard to understand it, but girls have many options in their life time.

Title	Hard time accepting casual sex
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	174
Comments	105
Date	December 24, 2012 9:08 AM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/15d95b/hard_time_accepting_casual_sex/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/hard-time-accepting-casual-sex.1344777 https://theredarchive.com/post/1344777

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