How do you start conversations, and keep them?

maugpet · 2012-02-20T18:02:09+00:00

“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”

Dale Carnegie Author of “How to win Friends and Influence People”.

sinking_sunk · 2012-02-20T10:18:16+00:00

Don't try for a birthday girl home run right out of the cage. Sure, make it a goal, but not the goal.

Conversation. Easy.

Step 1 - Realize what everyone loves to talk about: Themselves. I love to cold read people. Because the person doesn't care if you're right or wrong. Sure, it's better to be right, but you're talking about their favorite subject. "Oh, you must be a scuba diver, because that's a pretty hi-tech watch." or "what do you like to do? No no, not like shopping, I mean something more personal - what are you really passionate about?" People LIE about themselves. Don't accept answer that are vague or apparent bullshit. "You may tell that to all the other good looking guys, but I think there's more to you than that...."

Step 2 - Donkey sweat. If she likes donkey sweat, then you like donkey sweat too. It's a joke, but through this you can relate to anyone. "Ooh, I love to collect shoes!" "Wow! You know, I think shoes are very important - they can tell a lot about a person. Where he's been, what he does... I guess that means you have a lot of sides to your personality?" Don't be fake about it - just look how you can relate.

Step 3 - Eject. Whenever you feel the convo is dying, bail. "Hey, this is one of the best conversations I've had all night. I have to hit the bathroom - can we continue it later/when I return?" Use the time to decide what else to talk about, or if it's worth continuing. If she's gone, then you might run into her again. Re-engage her by calling her the (whatever her donkey sweat is) girl. Link those good feelings to seeing you.

Step 4 - Profit.

Level_75_Zapdos · 2012-02-20T11:45:58+00:00

Start like this.

KiwiBuckle · 2012-02-20T19:00:35+00:00

This probably isn't the answer your looking for but it's a way I start a lot of conversations during the day.

I go to a university and thus have a backpack strapped to my back all the time. I always keep it unzipped so that way when I'm standing in line someone will tap me on the shoulder and say "excuse me your bags open" to which I will laugh and ask them to do it up for me. Once the conversation started I make a comment about the line and than just do small chit chat. My friends that know I do this always say "but what if something falls out or someone steals something?" I've been doing this for almost a year now and nothing of the sort has ever happened.

Anyways the reason why I do this is so I get used to talking to a very wide range of people and get used to making idle chit chat. One time while waiting in line at Second Cup for 5 minutes I managed to #-close a girl but aside from that it's always just friendly encounters. So if you're not used to keeping small chit chat going I guess you could try this?

bonix · 2012-02-20T09:14:01+00:00

The issue I had was trying to start conversations, being too nervous and quiet, and then saying a few words here and there and that's it.

Ugh, that sounds like me in every social interaction ever.

sinking_sunk · 2012-02-20T18:40:21+00:00

You're main question has already been answered well bysinking_Sunk.

I wanted to comment on the b-day thing.

If you just want to get into the group, you can try the epicenter (the one having the birthday), but then you need to be a pro. Especially in an event like a birthday.

I would recommend starting in the outskirts of the group an ask questions about the group, or better, comment on it in a positive manner. It's a good idea to start out with the people of your own gender. The guys in the group needs to qualify you before you steal one of their kitties.

It's important you are on the same "energy level" as the one you are talking to. You can't go over to a girl/guy dancing on the table and go : "yeh...so...I see you're having a birtday party? That's pretty neat." -...yeh? Make sense?

If I wanted to join a party like that, I would start talking to one of main people in the group. Make a few jokes and show I'm a good guy that just wants to have fun, and then come up with something fun to do with the birthday girl. Something that the whole group would enjoy. Depends on the setting, but body shots (I would recommend someone ELSE than me of course... I would point to the fatty or something "you!!") is a good and wholesome activity, and I would of course pay for it.

It takes balls, but so does everything in else in PUA. And birthdays are hard to join.

2012-02-20T19:56:22+00:00

Keep in mind that, by being in the same place, you already have something in common. Doesn't mean you have to say "So, you come here often?" or anything that cheesy, but your environment is a huge part of your interaction.

I started breaking out of my social anxiety by talking to cashiers. I went out one night and bought a box of Reese's Puffs, a gallon of milk, and a party pack of Fruit Roll-ups, and made sure to joke around a little. "Oh man, you must be totally judging me right now. It's my night off, gimme a break!" The conversation shifted to how "[I] would not believe the junk this place sells." "Oh, what do you think is the worst thing here? 'coz I'll take 8."

The point of conversation is to find something you both relate to and use that to branch into other, more personal and connectable topics.

Edgar_Allan_Rich · 2012-02-20T21:00:21+00:00

Start can be anything, but generally I wait until there's a minutia of substance before I approach otherwise it tends to be a waste of time for me (I'm no Adonis). But to keep the conversation going I change the subject frequently using questions. Have you ever seen that scene from the 40-year-old-virgin where they tell him just to go ask questions and that's all he does? Well the truth is that that actually works for a multitude of reasons. And by "change the subject" I don't mean go from dogs to her to transcendentalism for no reason, but being abrupt in a fun way is exactly what keeps them interested. If she's talking about dogs, before dogs get boring, relate dogs to her with "Are you one of those evil owners who makes her dog wear costumes?" So then the focus is on her, which is where you want it. From there maybe she says she's into philosophy, which is not the best conversation to be having, so you say "oh god you aren't going to try to tell me about transcendentalism are you?!" in a joking way. Proves you can relate while keeping things fresh and leaves room to talk later. Dogs to clothes to transcendentalism, and I might have done that in just a few sentences.

This idea ties into the "emotional trip" concept you want to take people on when you meet them or go on a first date. Moving your date from venue to venue frequently will make it seem like you've spent more time together, which creates attraction. That's one reason why people who go on trips together grow close quickly. It is also a proven psychological phenomenon that people feel the effects of euphoria more dramatically when in unfamiliar surroundings (people get far drunker in unfamiliar places). This applies to conversation as well when you meet someone. They already have no idea what you are going to say because they just met you, so you have a little leeway anyway. Use this chance to hook them with a fun conversation that smoothly changes topics quickly, like a rollercoaster. The way I do this is to just be honest with myself. Is she talking about something that bores me? Change the subject without being rude by asking a partially relating question. Repeat.

WitherSlick · 2012-02-20T16:04:37+00:00

A lot of times talking slower, and more confidently is really all you need to do.

ashsimmonds · 2012-02-20T11:49:27+00:00

This might help: 90% of the time when I've had a great time meeting someone new, I can't remember how it started.

Out of all my friends (and lays), I can't really remember how we met exactly, the only important thing is that we actually met.

atheistjubu · 2012-02-20T16:24:01+00:00

I give you points for "conversate"
It doesn't really matter. Be ok with a little bit of silence. A little bit of silence and she gets uncomfortable and starts doing the nervous smalltalk for you. Too much silence and she does get uncomfortable since she'll wonder what you're thinking about. So go with what you're thinking about if it's appropriate. Other than that, there's all sorts of filler and fluff talk from all the canned routines here. You can always fall back on commenting on her clothes (on style, not sexiness), earings, shoes, or some general vibe you get out of her. Have fun with it!

panky117 · 2012-02-20T16:44:19+00:00

Any recommended reading seddit?

hirstyboy · 2012-02-20T21:00:12+00:00

Honestly man, I love moving to new places largely because that in itself is a conversation starter. You can literally go up to anybody and say hey are you from here? I just moved here and ... blah. It's something that you're experiencing and dealing with every day so if you can't talk about that then there must be something more interesting in your life which you should also be able to talk about. Just talk about whatever interests you, but seriously. Go up to girls, open with what i said and say shit, i need someone to show me this city. Boom.

2012-02-20T19:20:07+00:00

For me keeping and starting a conversation was never the hard part, it was always closing something AFTER it. I can at least share what helps me start convos for you. What I like to do is take in my surroundings and always being mindful of what's going on. Almost anything can be a conversation starter.

Here is a recent example. I went and saw chronicle with my best friend. When we got out I noticed that the ticket girl was cute and wanted to start up a convo. I walked up to her and said "Man, you guys should warn people that movie makes you motion sick." and from there we had a conversation about the movie and other things as well. Didn't get her number because I'm an idiot but it goes to show that starting one is easy. Just be mindful.

TuriGuiliano · 2012-02-20T17:58:11+00:00

This may help you quite a bit

Mr_Face · 2012-02-25T16:48:21+00:00

I have this problem too. I'm an introvert and not very talkative. I've been trying to find ways to make myself more outgoing and talkative without much luck. The problem is me starting a convo and keeping it going. its like my mind goes blank and I can't think of anything to say. I feel your pain. :(

maffige · 2012-02-26T08:08:32+00:00

i think you mean converse. conversate isn't a word my friend

Title	How do you start conversations, and keep them?
Author	merelyLurking
Upvotes	97
Comments	62
Date	February 20, 2012 8:55 AM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/pxlgo/how_do_you_start_conversations_and_keep_them/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-you-start-conversations-and-keep-them.1328640 https://theredarchive.com/post/1328640

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