How to not ruminate on what you did wrong?

throwawayaccount068 · 2022-02-25T02:06:33+00:00

Understand you can’t do shit to change it and the future is malleable

BrunoFromBrazil · 2022-02-25T02:58:05+00:00

Just go on more dates.

If you only have one date per month, you'll spend the rest of the month thinking about that date.

If you have 3 dates per week, I promise you won't even remember what you did on each date.

FlanneryODostoevsky · 2022-02-25T05:10:44+00:00

If a girl likes you she likes you. You can double text say dumb shit or whatever and she will still be interested. If she suddenly stops talking to you because of one simple thing you did then she ain’t worth your time.

Woujo · 2022-02-25T02:57:45+00:00

1) assume the smallest possible mistake

2) if you cant figure out what the mistake was, assume it was something out of your control

3) realise most of the reason you get rejected has nothing to do with you

maplemario · 2022-02-25T05:30:14+00:00

Hang out with people who don’t make you self conscious every day.

Mystery_Basket_76 · 2022-02-25T05:16:53+00:00

I do the same sometimes. I suggest getting the rest of your life outside of dating sorted, if it's not already. Dating should be part of an already rich life, not the thing only thing that makes your life enjoyable. And having the rest of your life in order is the best thing you can do to improve your dating life.

Apart from that, it's good to a certain extent to mull over what you could have done differently so you can learn. But if it's making you unhappy, this ruminating is part of what you're doing wrong. If you think of it that way, that obsessing and getting into a negative mindset is a mistake you're making that will hinder future dates, it gives yourself the permission to move on. That's a mistake that you do still have the ability to fix.

It can get very frustrating if things keep on not working out. But I'm sure you're making progress and learning, little by little.

No-Chad-8324 · 2022-02-25T03:55:15+00:00

double texting

There are some instances where double texting is okay.

being needy

Ask yourself why you were being needy? But the answer doesn't matter though because when it comes to dating girls, you should be dating multiple girls at the same time until one of those girls asks you to be her boyfriend.

PondScum420 · 2022-02-25T06:55:43+00:00

Manage your expectations from the beginning. Remember nothings promised. Remember there will always (and I mean always) be another woman. Don’t give up, keep getting back on the horse. You’ll get frustrated and want to quit, but those are the moments where you have break throughs.

2022-02-25T10:10:36+00:00

[permanently deleted]

RedEyeBlackEye1 · 2022-02-25T12:29:37+00:00

FOCUS ON WHAT YOU DID RIGHT, now do MORE of THAT, and LESS of the other shit.

burncushlikewood · 2022-02-25T04:40:46+00:00

Date game is not my specialty, I struggle with determining when to make a move or be passive, sometimes I make a move too early, then she flakes, sometimes I make a move too late then she flakes. That's why I like night game, it's just a fluid process, just game the girl and take her home, less talking and just pure dance floor game. Women go to clubs to meet guys I just find it the best way for me to game girls. I also like day game as well, but night game is king, when I was in university I approached hundreds of girls via the dancefloor and i got really good at it

QuestionsQ75 · 2022-02-25T18:12:04+00:00

^{I am by no means implying that this is easy, but the solution is simple. Wasted energy/productivity; there is absolutely nothing that can be done to reverse what happened. Holding on to it is doing nothing but damaging you, your self-esteem, your mental, etc. Is that productive? Does that help you? Who you are worrying about, probably isn't worrying about it, and is sleeping peacefully at night. You made a mistake because that's how we learn. That's all this is; another opportunity to learn/grow.}

Calamity__Bane · 2022-02-25T02:51:30+00:00

Apply the lesson to the next one

Ok-You-1912 · 2022-02-25T03:59:36+00:00

fuck dat hoe and move on

Ancient_Leader5572 · 2022-02-25T05:48:59+00:00

Stop thinking about what you could have done. That’s unproductive. Think about what you’re going to do next.

Sometimes there is no answer for why people don’t respond. Other times there are reasons, but they aren’t communicated. Either way, your time is worth more than ruminating on the past that will just leave you feeling unfulfilled. So focus on disengaging from them and work on meeting someone new.

theseoulplayer · 2022-02-25T05:25:50+00:00

You know what the happiest animal in the world is? A goldfish.

Know why? They have a 10 second memory.

Be a goldfish, OP.

alexandhisworld · 2022-02-25T05:26:32+00:00

Stop treating women like objects that you can obtain and see interactions with people as interactions with people.

its4thecatlol · 2022-02-25T06:33:39+00:00

Ugh I don't really deal with loss well. Going back to square 1 always hurts a little. They say the best way to get over somebody is to get under someone else, and I've found it to usually be true. No one you weren't married to is such a special snowflake that you'll never find someone else to give you the same feelings. Every time I was down on myself for striking out with a girl, there was always a new one right around the corner. You have to go out and find them though. Just meet more people. You have to be confident you'll find someone better, and you will. Trust me.

dr34dnaught · 2022-02-25T09:25:15+00:00

Don't live in the past. Process what could have been done better and use that wisdom to move forward and make better decisions in the future.

leinlin · 2022-02-25T11:37:59+00:00

Google CPTSD

guidop91 · 2022-02-25T11:48:27+00:00

Write it down, just for yourself, in the most detailed manner you can. This will be as if you are telling someone, and it will take a lift of your brain. Make it structured, so you have something like:

What you did wrong and why it was wrong
What you should have done instead
What you learned from the experience

Some lessons one has to go through an experience to learn. The rumination is terrible but it must be there for a reason. I think once you write it down it'll help to downsize it.

Shadow__Account · 2022-02-25T18:34:30+00:00

Its a very valuable learning moment every time, don’t let it go to waste. You quadruple texted and told her you loved her after one date? Ok dwell on it, analyze it learn from it and grow from it, that way your mistakes will help you become an upgraded version every time. Without mistakes like this, you won’t get better.

silly-seafish · 2022-02-25T19:36:04+00:00

it’s so easy to focus on the things you feel like you did “wrong” but that’s only partly in your control. like everyone is different and responds differently to different things and you should be more focused on being yourself than trying to make the right move. that’s how you find someone you can build a genuine connection with. someone who sees your weirdness and mess-ups and likes you regardless. it’s cliche but when you find the right person they aren’t going to walk away over something like a double text. just be you

throwawayaccount068 · 2022-02-26T01:32:43+00:00

Also often times your idea (the fantasy) of the chick is better than reality. Meaning your perception is tainted from reality. No one is perfect everyone has their shit even the hottest women with attractive personalities they just do a good job at hiding it.

theseoulplayer · 2022-02-28T08:03:57+00:00

Hey man, I started writing out a response for you but it ended up being too long, so I posted it up on my blog. I go through 3 specific strategies to get past your mistakes that hopefully will help you to get past them and use them to further improve yourself!

You can read all of it here: https://www.theseoulplayer.com/game/how-to-forget-your-mistakes-and-become-better

Title	How to not ruminate on what you did wrong?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	80
Comments	56
Date	February 25, 2022 2:03 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/t0rwq6/how_to_not_ruminate_on_what_you_did_wrong/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-to-not-ruminate-on-what-you-did-wrong.1265956 https://theredarchive.com/post/1265956

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