I get really triggered hearing about people hooking up and talking about sex like it's so easy.

benmarvin · 2019-04-16T20:59:02+00:00

Don't compare the beginning of your story to the middle of someone else's story. That goes for any aspect of life, career, etc.

injesterstrust · 2019-04-16T19:55:50+00:00

lol, I can relate to this.

Sometimes it's little things like I saw some meme type thing on facebook and it was something about ''when you find out your boyfriend has been banging all 5 of your best friends!!'' and then reading the 'comments' and people tagging their friends etc and it's like ''How the hell do people do this!!? I literally can't imagine that happening. Like, did the girls just throw themselves at him?!! Was he super handsome? Did he initiate each time? Was it HER?? Was it something to do with having value as a result of dating her friends??''. ''How the hell did the conversations go that lead up too it??'' - I'd pay lots of money to see video footage of exactly how each hookup happened lol

I've actually had a handful of one night stands from bars now so i'm not completely alien too it all, but that social circle hookup idea just seems completely out of my realm of understanding. I guess partly because i've never had a proper 'relationship' and also never had lots of girls in my social circle?

Bathroomrugman · 2019-04-16T19:51:06+00:00

When those people show pictures of their hookups, you likely won't be jealous.

getyourlifeplease · 2019-04-16T21:19:27+00:00

If other peoples "happiness" is a trigger for you - you will be miserable the rest of your life. Work on that jealousy and use it to motivate you to do better for yourself instead of being wrapped up in others stuff.

cojohnso · 2019-04-16T23:21:21+00:00

I’m female & not bad looking. Didn’t lose my V-card til I was 23. With a dude who was also a virgin.

Some people are just late bloomers. I agree with the previous advice of “never compare your beginning to someone else’s middle”

pre_internet · 2019-04-16T21:14:48+00:00

That’s because you’re comparing your experience to theirs.

It’s natural, but also a complete waste of time.

Only compare yourself to past versions of yourself.

Then you’ll be able to see what direction your heading.

Your experience is unique, valuable, and ultimately punk rock as fuck. Own it.

ghostfreakedout · 2019-04-16T22:18:50+00:00

why do you need a coping mechanism ? honestly i don't see the point of this post . you sound like you have a goal in mind being that you want get close enough to girls or a girl to be able to touch them comfortably . this can be friends or more i say friends because u seem uncomfortable w sex for some reason . first off this is definitely a toxic behavior and if you go about achieving your goals thru negative means the results will usually be negative . also the fact you are on reddit looking for advice to solve your problems shows that u may have trouble getting out of the house and actually working to fix this things by yourself ( or w friends theres nothing wrong w being supported everyone needs someone to rely on ) . it's only natural you get jealous of guys but understand that its not because of how easy other people are hooking up . it actually is easy or at least not as hard and scary as you make it out to be in your head . secondly if you want to get over these feelings which this is definitely a bad habit and quality you dont want to be a part of you anyways the first step is to understand you are always changing and able to mold yourself how you want to be . next having your goal isn't enough . you need a way to go about making your goals work . lets say for example your goal is just to hold a girls hand . how are any of us helping you achieve your goal by giving you tips of reddit ? you need to understand that this is just a tool to help get you out of your comfort zone and step into a new exciting albeit scary atleast for now world . you are 21 which is an okay start . the club is a very interesting location to meet and pick up women . im using this example bc i personally love to dance it helps to have a personality trait you can express organically without being show-offy . dancing with girls at the club is a perfect icebreaker and can show how interesting you are without you having to say anything about yourself at all this leaves you room to learn about what shes into so you can connect with her on common interests and keep things focused on her and find out the logistics about what she likes to do that you would both have fun doing together and this can help you close the deal . at first you will come off as needy this is only natural but the best way to get approval is actually to be cool and reserved . this is actually a trait you probably already have being a loner and never having touched a girl . your uncomfortability with touching girls ( bad habit dont get it twisted by any means you want to get to a point where you are comfortable with touching a girl you've met but you don't need to or choose not to until the time is right for obvious reasoning ) is actually a huge turn on for women and it gives you the shy boy aesthetic that all girls are attracted to naturally . now you can take this further example say you love working out , you can use this as an excuse to show your value to people this doesnt even have to be girls specifically or just to hook up with them this is the law of attraction most people make impressions where the other person feels like they are needed and they'd be doing you a favor just by being your friend . this is not what you want you want to be someone who has value to offer to others so they want to work for your attention . you can go to the park for a nice long jog and see a girl you like . she just saw you jogging so she already knows youre an active person physically . you dont even have to go into detail about excercise if shes not interested in that sort of lifestyle the fact she sees you stop to approach her all sweaty mid jog is enough to start an immediate interest . from here you can bring her into your world by connecting with her on an emotional subconscious level listening to what she likes to do ( if its a common interest it makes it way easier to connect and see them again based upon this . ) now you don't want to do this in a way that makes you look available or needy ideally you wanna be the "social butterfly" who sees someone interesting and isnt afraid to chat them up for a few minutes . i wanna wrap this up sorry for a long post but the most important thing to take from this is not to leave the focus on others . the guys having a blast with girls are not going to help you . us on reddit are not going to help you . the only one who can make a change for you is you and we can only encourage you so try this excercise . everytime you're jealous of a guy for this reason challenge yourself , go and talk to someone anyone doesn't have to be a girl . make a new friend right there and get the jealousy off your mind . the more you do this the more you will get used to the good habit and you will begin throwing away the bad habit . when the bad habit is missing it will feel like theres a piece of you missing . you continue to fill that hole with your new good habit and since you are missing the old bad habit subconsciously you WILL crave the good habit . this will not only make you more outgoing and confident but this applies to any bad habits you can change yourself to be a better person all around and im not saying you don't need help because everyone does but you can't expect people to help you if you can't help yourself first and thats the goal . the weather should be beautiful now if youre in the US or somewhere where its nice and warm so i hope you go out tonight and put some good habits in motion . best of luck to you and if you are feeling worried or anxious at any time you can hmu and i will try to offer support to the best of my ability .

godeepon3 · 2019-04-17T03:20:36+00:00

Any way to solve this problem without getting laid?

Yes, be happy for those people. Say it and think it. Fake it if that's what it takes until you really feel it. It will help develop a positive attitude in you, and being positive will help you in many ways. It will help you emotionally and could help with picking up women or whatever you'd like to do. When you identify a trigger moment, say I'm happy for those people or that's great, etc. Most of those people would be happy for you, right?

recyclablebanthas · 2019-04-17T03:49:10+00:00

I just don't know why I instantly get so jealous and so confused at the same time... Any way to solve this problem without getting laid? Idk some healthier coping mechanisms or way of thinking?

It's human as fuck to have this reaction, man.

As for how to solve it, it's a process, but it gets easier the more you work on it. Here are some mindsets you could consider adopting or trying out.

Information is power, right?
- So try to maintain some curiosity, as often as possible. Observe the world around you when you walk around. Look around. Really be aware of where you are, who's around you, and what they're doing.
Be prepared to question your assumptions. Sometimes the most difficult thing in the world is to consider a belief to be wrong. But if you're stuck in a holding pattern, then something most definitely is wrong in your belief system or something in your value system is irrational and unreasonable.
Try to be aware of your thoughts at all times. We all have voices in our heads, and sometimes that voice lies to you. The biggest thing you could do to improve is find ways of hacking into that voice or fighting against it.

JohannesBrahmsalt · 2019-04-17T04:29:42+00:00

Relax man. Millennials statistically have the least sex of any generation. Our culture is so saturated with sex that everyone is trying to keep up but very few do. Why do you think this incel meme has gone so mainstream lately - because it describes like 85% of people. People that hate on incels are projecting big time.

The truth is people lie, or tell half-truths. Think things through for yourself. Do you honestly believe everybody is having mind blowing sex as much as the media portrays? Literally even married people don't have that. And Tinder is a fucking cesspit of lowest-common-denominator insecure STI-infested trash.

Have some self-respect, think for yourself, and establish what it is YOU want out of your relationships.

TheXXL · 2019-04-17T09:40:51+00:00

Edit 1: just to clarify, it was a girl who I overheard talking about a casual hook up. It's surprising how open they are about this two their girlfriends,

In my early 20's. being a virgin, I felt intimidated by that, now in my 40's I love it, since women talk about this not only to her girl friends, but anyone they trust.

I can't help but feel the majority of women live double lives

This only feels like that because you didn't understand yet that women are super sexual, but they cannot show it for the most part, because they will get judged and called sluts. Since women are reliant on their social circle, and also extremely judgmental, in particular with other women, this could mean being exiled from their respective social circle, and being rejected by a lot of men who expect women to be pure angels until they are in his bed doing "unspeakable" things with him, but of course never with other men.

Long story short: Get out of your comfort zone and get used to it, and since you are already there, learn to love it. There is nothing sexier than an open woman who will tell you her deepest, dirtiest fantasies, with the chance of her and you putting them into action. Oh, and women get hot from just talking about sex in general, so use it to your advantage.

thepuagrinch · 2019-04-16T22:28:07+00:00

Alright op so life is about sacrifices.

What are you willing to sacrifice to reach a point in your life where hearing about another mans sexual success no longer triggers you.

darksidessj25 · 2019-04-16T23:24:24+00:00

It's because you never felt a connection before. Try this. It's how you connect with a woman on an intimate level instead of coming across as friendly.

Eye contact - start with that. Google eye contact practice on YouTube and do it daily for about 5 minutes and then move on to practicing while you talk to the girl on the video. I know it's weird but it's what I did and it fucking worked. I got all kinds of girls I'm flirting with now.
Chain/free of associations - Whatever the girl just said you can pick one of those words and say the first thing that pops into your head. Example girl says I have a cat and it's black. You can talk about cat, have, or black.
Work on your frame of mind. Google mindsets by RSDMax. RSDMAx is a boss at Game.

thepuagrinch · 2019-04-16T23:50:51+00:00

Gotcha. Well gl. Lol.

Life is short to have only memories of trolling.

dani098 · 2019-04-17T04:34:45+00:00

I didn’t lose my virginity until 24, and 35 now I’m fucking more pussy than ever, all in their mid 20s, I never date anybody over 28

RedPillMissionary · 2019-04-17T06:39:18+00:00

Most of us are lying

ProudRamboBSNS · 2019-04-17T09:56:51+00:00

Read "Models" by Mark Manson. It'll clear things up for you and help you fix your mindset. It talks a lot about these exact feelings you have.

jazztaprazzta · 2019-04-17T10:51:21+00:00

I know what you mean, I have been in this mindset many times before. You get angry and frustrated not because they have sex, but because you don't try to have it yourself. All they do is to unwillingly remind you of your own impotence. Do you do anything to try to develop yourself socially and start dating?

gertharme · 2019-04-17T19:53:58+00:00

I just saw your post. I used to be in the same shoes as you, expect I noticed my inability of attracting women really early on. I think it was my late teen when I really started to dive into pick up. It honestly gets so much easier bro, you just have to stick to it. And there are always be moments like the one you described in your post.

When I first noticed why certain guys got laid and I didn’t. I started to hate and get jealous of everyone around me. Honestly it helps to use that as life fuel. It motivated me to start going to gym so getting laid would become easier. I’m 21 now and I’m still unsatisfied because the women I want to fuck seem unattainable, so I settle for very easy and unattractive women.

It’s a consistent learning process, and there will never be an end. Like everything else in life.

A_solo_tripper · 2019-04-17T00:05:33+00:00

Any way to solve this problem without getting laid?

I feel like even if you got laid, your mindset wouldn't change. Why are you in a seduction sub in the first place?

Idk some healthier coping mechanisms or way of thinking?

Read a book. Don't think about it.

dani098 · 2019-04-17T14:45:34+00:00

The gym, coffee shop, online A lot online Met a nice 19yo in the gym.

GKaplan0 · 2019-04-16T20:01:49+00:00

You feel triggered? If people are fucking on you I could get that, but really?

GoldSmith64 · 2019-04-16T19:52:20+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	I get really triggered hearing about people hooking up and talking about sex like it's so easy.
Author	Tyrion69Lannister
Upvotes	25
Comments	59
Date	April 16, 2019 7:21 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/bdxzsk/i_get_really_triggered_hearing_about_people/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-get-really-triggered-hearing-about-people.1466652 https://theredarchive.com/post/1466652

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