These are some things I've learned over the years; hope they help some people out as the way you interact with girls physically is probably more important than what you say. Enjoy.

Physical Contact

Physical contact is a great way to ramp up the intimacy of a date. When it's used right, strategic physical touch, known as "Kino," does wonders to increase attraction and create sexual tension. There is lots of science behind this, and I've felt it over and over with girls in my life (and guys, actually; touching people can create trust in platonic relationships as well).

Some guys hear this and immediately panic, thinking they will come across as creepy if they just start touching their date. This is valid, you definitely shouldn't be creepy, but it's actually surprisingly easy to do this in a really relaxed, casual way.

These are my favorite ways to initiate physical contact with a girl on a date:

  • Hug her when you first see her. This is an easy one and immediately breaks the touch barrier.
  • When you're talking to her about something you're excited about, lean forward and tap her on the upper arm with the back of your hand/fingers. This will make her more engaged in what you're saying and you'll come across as more charismatic.
  • If you're at a bar or restaurant and you get up to go the bathroom during the date (which I always do, I often like a small bit of peace and quiet to recharge), use her shoulder or knee to "help" you get up. Think of it as how you would hold the railing on a ladder when getting out of a pool. I find this works very fluidly.
  • Likewise, when you come back from the restroom, touch her lightly on the shoulder, back or knee as you're sitting down, as if to steady yourself. I think of this as "restarting" the intimacy that was broken when I left.
  • When you're walking together and you come to anything that breaks the rhythm of your walk, touch the small of her back very lightly for about a second. This could be when crossing the street, navigating between people in a crowded bar, or stepping around a spill on the sidewalk. Just let her know that you're there and looking out for her.

All of these can and should be done on a first date, but they are really vital on a second date as you're establishing sexual tension and attraction. Many people don't notice these on a conscious level, but they go a long way to building intimacy. You can get a lot more elaborate with touching, but these are easy techniques to get you started.

Body Language

Just like physical contact, body language is HUGE when you're trying to take your relationship from initial attraction to real intimacy. Body language is fascinating and there's a ton to learn (this is a really cool talk on it if you're interested) but here are some bullet points to keep in mind that will get you a long way in projecting confidence, attraction and intimacy.

  • Keep your body open. Humans are wired to cover their most vital parts (torso and genitals) when they feel threatened or uncomfortable. Since you want to project that you are confident and comfortable, do not cross your legs or cover your torso with your arms.
  • Try not to touch your face while you're speaking. Covering your mouth when you talk or absentmindedly touching your cheek indicate deception and insecurity. I had a friend (a girl) who would often literally cover her mouth with a blanket when we were hanging out and talking. She was an attractive, intelligent girl, but had zero success with guys, and I think it was largely due to her projecting deep insecurity.
  • Direct your feet and torso towards your date, and lean towards them while you're listening to them. This shows them that you're focused on then and makes them feel that what they're saying is valuable. This is one of the highest compliments you can pay someone.
  • Make strong eye contact. This is super important and is absolutely crucial to projecting an air of confidence and creating a connection. If you're nervous to look someone in the eyes, practice it with your family and friends. Make a habit of looking at people in the eyes on the street as you pass them. If it's uncomfortable, that means you're doing a good job and improving.
  • Tilt your head when you're listening to her. I find that this makes the interaction seem less formal and will make her feel more comfortable.
  • Nod along as she's speaking, and let your face mirror the emotions of the things she says. This is another skill that takes some practice but if you think about actively listening to people, it'll gradually get easier. This is one of the most valuable skills I've developed in my life.

End of the date and kissing her

As you're walking her to her car or her home, hold her hand; girls like this a lot, and it will build your confidence to kiss her.

I think going for a first kiss is one of those things you really just have to do a few times to get comfortable with, but here are some thoughts on what I've found successful.

  • When you're saying goodbye, she's just as aware as you are that you're supposed to kiss her. You're not blindsiding her. This should calm you down a bit.
  • Acknowledge the tension with a little half-smile and the ghost of a giggle, like you just remembered something mildly funny you saw that day.
  • Don't wait around. Tilt your head to this side, and, still half-smiling, step towards her and touch her side.
  • At this point, unless you really misread the situation, she'll kiss you. If you don't have a ton of experience with this, take it slow, and do NOT feel the need to put your tongue in her mouth right away. Be gentle and take it easy.
  • Depending on the girl and the situation, the kiss might be anything from 1 second long to making out for a minute. Relax and let whatever happens happen.
  • When the kiss ends, look at her, smile and give her hand a quick squeeze. Then, say goodnight and walk away.

Once you've gotten to this point, it gets a lot easier! Have fun and enjoy building electricity and sexual tension. If you're interested, I write more about this stuff here.