The “It” Factor

No_Hat9118 · 2024-08-02T02:52:54+00:00

It’s not giving a fuck what other people think bro, being internally validated, not kissing ass, being a badass. Think Clint Eastwood or Al Pacino

Jironasaurus · 2024-08-02T03:05:06+00:00

Check out The Charisma Myth by Olivia Fox Cabane.

Much-Anywhere-940 · 2024-08-02T03:19:00+00:00

You have to start viewing life through an entertaining and interesting lens, then it just comes naturally. Most people don't see the fun, humour or substance in anything so they're boring and inverse.

Create more, read more and consume less low energy media.

Western-Month-3877 · 2024-08-02T03:15:17+00:00

Some guys at work ask me the same questions too they wonder why women at work always like talking to me. More than a couple times I got texts from some of them while they’re not in my contact list. Always get the “I got your number from so and so, sorry to bother you but..”

But little did they know I l’ve been very active since I was very young, from a church to social groups in school or outside school (music, sports), from just being a member to being a leader.

Not to mention for a few times I also did door to door sales and handing out fliers to random strangers as part-time jobs (summer time). You should try this if you wanna overcome the anxiety and fear of talking with strangers. You get paid, too! Anyway, I can totally relate whenever guys talking about rejections. I even got rejected by guys and little kids lol. Door shut in your face? They don’t even look at you while you try to talk to them with your wide smile and enthusiastic eyes? Been there done that.

My current boss one day asked me where I got my public speaking skills, as he always sends me to represent him/the company, talking to a group of 40-50 people in a meeting either they’re employees or customers. You could tell he’s always nervous, fidgety (taping his foot, scratching his head), prior to talking in public. While I can walk around the room and make eye contacts with them while talking, even generate laughters and good feedbacks by asking them questions. I always enjoy whenever I pause for few seconds to get their attention. People notice the silence and they just get embarrassed for talking. It’s like I have this kinda “magic” to hush people without even having to say anything.

I told him I don’t believe it’s genetics. I was a shy and introverted person since elementary school and I think I still am. I believe everyone can learn this skill. Yet it took me more than a decade to get there. Let’s say I’ve been moulded by my environment. So yea I don’t have problems in that department, but sometimes it’s still rough for me when it comes to closing it in. Looks promising (or IOI in our corner of the world) doesn’t mean shit if there’s no actual outcome.

This is why whenever I see “how to” questions in this sub, I feel like “hmm where do I start if I had to answer this?” Because it’s so fundamental. Even if you wanna ‘crash course’ it, I believe it will take at least months to give yourself significant improvements in that area.

jamesfalken · 2024-08-02T04:01:13+00:00

I really believe so much of this is baked in during your upbringing/youth, and it's really hard to say how exactly. There's so many contributing factors. Like whether you had to struggle, fight through adversity, deal with some significant level of independence, experience a plethora of social conditions, who were the males who showed you how to be a man? Genetics can almost certainly play a role as well.

But trying to become a man you are not later in life almost never works, and almost always comes off as inauthentic and try hard. You can become a better man, but it isn't going to come from trying, it has to come through experience.

So if you are not a natural with women, and you never had any charisma, reading about it and theorizing about it isn't going to change that. You need to become a new man through truly changing your life and gaining experience.

Incarnate24 · 2024-08-02T05:02:35+00:00

For me being laid a lot has absolutely helped. It would be nice if all my confidence came internally but using past external validation like seducing and having had sex with cute girls before is a big driving force behind my confidence now with women & in general

FrederickVonFanculen · 2024-08-02T07:02:32+00:00

I know what you're talking about, and I have no idea how to create it.

In my case for years I've been having "it" on and off. most of my days it's off, then some other days for some reasons unexplained I have it, and all of a sudden I can just enter a room without having to do or say anything and women are into me.

It has nothing to do with appearence, nor what you say, nor what you do, nor your body language.

In the "on" days I can dress like shit, I can be grumpy, I can speak nonsense, but I still attract a lot.

So for me its undeniable that there's something almost mystical going on, it has nothing to do with self improvement whatever nor boldness nor anything. I was extremely shy and insecure a decade back and still would attract like crazy on some days and none on others.

Fantastic-Life-2024 · 2024-08-02T09:06:14+00:00

Be sociable. Talk to people everywhere. My mother has awesome skills because she worked in hospitality and from her I picked up a lot.

Mastershake699 · 2024-08-02T17:45:08+00:00

As a woman, it is 100% an equal mix of confidence and kindness. It’s in the eyes, in the way a man carries himself and operates in the world. Work on your confidence. I’ve dated men who weren’t all there in the looks department simply because they knew their worth while not being egotistical about it. Work on loving yourself and appreciating who you are and you’ll find that people will be magnetized to you. Hold your head up high and the rest will come.

epimpstyle · 2024-08-02T13:14:28+00:00

You get better with experience.

It is hard to start, but for this reason there are all kinds of scripts/routines/jokes that make you an interesting guy for a few minutes, even if you are not. Not everyone is born to be a charismatic guy, so you can be an actor and fake it till you make it.

Faking that you are an interesting guy is also tricky because it won't work if you are looking for LTR but it is okay for a ONS.

2024-08-02T11:24:32+00:00

consistent validation from women who tell you you're hot will make you feel invincible. that's why game doesn't really count. women will approach you and make the first move on you, and don't need to be seduced at all. assuming you're hot.

BananaB0yy · 2024-08-02T18:15:23+00:00

move and talk in slowmo, every move has to be slow, relaxed and very deliberate

always act/smile like you have an inside joke going with everyone you see and talk to

be super present and attentive to whatever is infront of you

be social with everyone, treat everyone the same, treat everyone like you knew them for ages and your good friends

spread your attention to everyone, dont single people out or get hogged to long by one group/person, be the social butterfly involving everyone in the fun

(but mostly the "it factor" comes from external sources, how people treat and react to you, how many heads are turning and prople are coming up to you when you enter a room - social proof in a community)

The_Free_Mannn · 2024-08-08T00:11:38+00:00

It’s confidence. Confidence is believing in yourself. Once you understand that you’re valuable, you won’t be insecure or seek external validation.

zebekias · 2024-08-02T03:59:48+00:00

Nope, there is not more to it. You figured it out.

For me, game is summed up as: your ability to unapologetically and persistently go after your dreams.

Easier said than done. Saying to a newbie “just go after it” doesn’t help. For success in anything, you have to study theory from your great predecessors, practice and persist. That usually takes a few years.

Title	The “It” Factor
Author	appolonysian
Upvotes	51
Comments	25
Date	August 2, 2024 2:28 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1ehyvka/the_it_factor/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/the-it-factor.1526062 https://theredarchive.com/post/1526062

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