Hey gang! It's been awhile since I've posted, but I can say I have seen a great deal of improvement in the collective mindset of the Seddit community over the last year or so. Many of you have stepped up, gotten your inner game and lifestyle together, and are making successful approaches with positive results.

Bravo!

However, and based on many of the posts I've lurked on; while it seems like many of you have gotten better at approaching, there's still the issue of transitioning and escalation. A fellow Sedditor PM'd me awhile back and asked if I'd lay out my specific strategy for dealing with women, dating, and transition into either a FWB or LTR dynamic. Based on what he's since reported, he found the information so insightful and successful, I decided to share with the rest of the community.

So here it it, The Dating Portfolio; my six step guide to getting a woman physically and emotionally invested in you.

Step One - The Approach

As I said, many of you are much better and more comfortable with approaching. Going up to an attractive women is almost second nature by now, so I won't harp on this one too much. I would, however, like to add a few things that I think help to increase the impact of the initial interaction, and make you stand out in her mind.

Learn something VERY specific about her. A question I always like to ask is 'Tell me something about yourself I'd never guess just by looking at you." This give her a chance to dig deep and tell you something intimate about herself. Sharing things like this with people makes us A) more comfortable with them, and B) remember them, because now, they're "in the know".

Generate a inside joke Nothing builds a bond faster than sharing a private joke or secret; something that just the two of you know about. Creating an inside joke between you lays the foundation for friendship because it iterates a shared sense of humor. Now, the "how" is tricky, but in most lengthy interactions, there should be an opportunity to share a laugh or an awkward moment. Build on it. Make it a tangible memory by cementing it as an inside joke. It can be a tease, or a neg, or a compliment, or something completely imagined. (During one approach, I teased a girl for staring at my ass every time I turned around, to the point where I would cover myself when I walked away. Our inside joke became me holding my hands over my ass whenever I was around her.) Whatever it is, make sure its something you share.

Get Physical I'm not saying every approach should end with an F-close, but for me; if you give me you're phone number, I'm going in for a hug at the very least. Handshakes are for business partners and acquaintances. I'm attracted to you and I want you to know it. And depending on how much kino there was before the actual info exchange, I may go in for a kiss. Now, if the approach is quick and abrupt (she's walking in the opposite direction and I stop her, but neither of us have time to really sit and talk, so I ask for her number and she gives it, then a handshake is more appropriate.) But if I've been talking to you for awhile, flirted, kino'd a bit, and she reciprocated, then I'm ending the interaction with a little physicality; a hug, a kiss on the cheek, maybe even a peck on the lips. I'm going to try to escalate from the word "GO". And a hug is fairly innocent point of contact and a GREAT way to gauge her level of physical attraction in you; If she give you The Leaner(she leans forward and only makes physical contact with her arms/shoulders), or if she gives you the One Arm Side Hug, she's either reserved, nervous, or not that into you physically. If she gives you a Full Length Hug(the length of your torso against the length of hers, BUT her arms go under yours, she's into you, but she's keeping her guard up. Other sign she's holding back: Arms don't extend fully, she's sideways in your embrace, she pats you on the back (this is a subconscious timer: when I stop patting, you let go!). And finally, there's The Lovers Embrace: your pelvis's touch, your arms go around her waist, and her's extend fully around your shoulders/back, and there's not enough space between you to pass a sheet of paper. This hug means she's ready to have your babies.

Again, always try to end the approach physically. Humans are tactile creatures. We remember what we feel more than what we see or hear. A physical end to an approach is a great way to build a strong emotional and physical connection.

Step Two - Contact

I spent some time thinking about all the great first dates I had. And there have been quite a few. The thing that stood out the most wasn't where we went or what we did, it was the connection that was made. And thinking even harder, I realized that the connection didn't start with the date, it started with the contact I made with her BEFORE we even had a date. Those hours long phone calls. Those texts throughout the day. The pictures we shared. The jokes we told. The time we spent getting to know one another before we started to get to know one another. While I'm a big proponent of getting together as soon as possible after the initial approach, I also preach that maintaining a constant level of positive contact in between the then and now is crucial for getting a woman emotionally invested in you. And while I'm not saying you should text her every day with "Good Morning, beautiful!", I do suggest making sure that you touch bases with her often and consistently. I often send random texts; jokes, meme's, pictures of things that made me laugh, etc. It's not always "Hey. How you doing?" Sometime's it's random stuff that doesn't have to do with anything. "If the police contact you regarding a stolen Prius and fifty-five pairs of clown shoes... I was at your place all night. K?" It's random, makes you think "WTF???" and gets a laugh. I may follow that up with "P.S., delete the last message." If she share's my sense of humor, she'll appreciate it, respond hopefully with something witty, and make her look forward to future messages from me because she won't know what to expect.

AND I CALL HER!!! I'm old school. I think a phone conversation trumps a text conversation any day of the week. There are a dozen things I can do vocally that wont translate well via text. Subtle things like sarcasm, sexual innuendos, flirtatious tones... these things lose impact when read. My general rule is: Text's are for quick, brief interactions. A conversation deserves a phone call.

The bottom line is to make a strong connection with her outside seeing each other. This helps to ensure she's emotionally invested when it comes time to actually meet up, as well as reduces the chances of her flaking when you do finally make plans. Which brings us to:

Step Three - The Dates that REALLY Matter

First and foremost, let me start by saying that I don't really believe in taking a girl on a "date". I firmly believe that true PUA success is about inviting people to share your awesome world, not asking if you can be a part of there's. The thing about "dates" is that it suggests its an event that depends solely on the other parties participation:

"I want to take you out on Friday night."

"Oh, I'm sorry! I already have plans Friday."

"Oh, okay. Maybe we can get together on Saturday then."

"Umm, I'm not sure what I have going on Saturday. I'll let you know."

Yeah... this doesn't work for me. Instead of asking a woman if she'd like to go on a "date" with me, I prefer to invite her to join me on something I'm going to do with or without her:

"So I was looking at the forecast for Saturday, and it looks like a great day for a ride. I'm going to take my motorcycle up the coast and maybe stop for a bite in Malibu. Wanna ride?"

"That sounds awesome! What time should I be ready?"

or

"A friend told me about a jazz club downtown that sounds pretty cool. I'm going to check it out this weekend. You wanna join me?"

"Sure. What day are you going?"

This approach lets her know that if she declines, it's still happening. People hate missing out on great opportunities, especially when it's something there are interested in/passionate about. What's more, if she does decline, I make it a point to send her a picture from said event with a tag that says "Wish you were here!"

Like I said, there's a big difference between asking someone out, and asking them to join you for an activity.

That said, and IME; there are four dates that are staples in a relationship:

The First Date

Many would agree that this is quite possibly the most important date you'll ever have with someone. I add that the sole purpose of this date is getting to know each other. What you do is far less important than how you spend your time together; talking, sharing thoughts, discussions, Q&A, building bonds, increasing attraction, and escalating physically; these are the things that build emotional and physical investment. I don't care if you get coffee, go for walk in the park, meet for cocktails, go bowling, or have dinner(just don't go to the movies for a first date!); your goal is to learn as much about her as you can and escalate.

And on the subject of escalation: Don't be afraid to do so. Now, by now, if you've talked to her before hand, you should have an idea of what her physical boundaries are, as well as what her level of physical attraction is to you. Again, get physical. Start with a hug at the beginning. Then go for a holding hands. Kiss her hand and comment on her scent/taste. Offer a kiss on the cheek when you excuse yourself to go to the bathroom (and if a girl lets you kiss her on the cheek on the way to the john, she'll almost always allow the lips next, as it's the natural progression.)

If you meet resistance, take a step back and calibrate, but always be looking for opportunities to up the ante.

And once you score a "real kiss", ease back a bit. Don't smother her or try to devour her. Let the physical contact happen naturally. Take a step back into loving embraces and holding each other, and let her get comfortable being in your arms.

But again, the focus is on getting to know each other. Resist the urge to make it a make-out session and maintain a constant dialogue. It's what makes a first date memorable.

The Pulse Pounder

There should always be a date that's centered around an activity or event. Something that really gets the heart pumping and the blood flowing. Maybe even something that sparks a little friendly competition. Rock climbing, hiking, bike riding, an amusement park or fair, surfing, kayaking; these dates are awesome because they allow you a chance to see her when she's hot and sweaty and exerted herself. It lets her get comfortable with you while she has her hair down. Additionally, a little physical activity is always great for the libido, not to mention all the opportunities it presents for close physical contact. Ever teach a girl how to shoot pool, or throw a bowling ball?

Planning a date around a physical activity is always a great idea and cements a strong physical and emotional connection with you. The more physically intense, the better. There's nothing like completing an intense physical challenge standing shoulder to shoulder with someone. It's why soldiers are brothers.

The Classy Affair

Most women love an excuse to get all dolled up. Maybe it's the whole "princess" fantasy, but IME, women love a reason to throw on heels and a nice dress. So give her one! Make reservations at a five star fine dining establishment, or get tickets to a stage play or show, maybe cocktails at an ultra lounge. Give her a reason to be beautiful. Women remember those princess moments. And they especially remember prince charming! As Jim Carry said in "Yes Man"!

The Intimate Setting

Every budding couple needs time alone. Something private, quiet, and intimate. Now, I'm not suggesting you light candles, burn incense, spread rose petals all over the floor, and play Berry White; I'm saying you need a chance to see how the two of you vibe when there aren't any distraction. This isn't as much about having a chance to get physical or sexual (although it's encouraged), it's more about just seeing how you click without any external influences. Just sharing the same space, without the world screaming around you, without anything to use as a buffer or center piece. It's just the two of you. Whether or not sexy times ensue is an after-thought; you want to see if you can be comfortable with each other. And when a woman feels comfortable with you, this opens the flood gates for emotional and physical investment.

I'm not saying all you need is four dates; I'm saying these particular four dates are key to cementing a strong emotional and physical bond with someone.

Step Four - Sexy Times

If you are constantly and consistently escalating physically, sex is gonna happen. In many cases, it's kinda the goal. Now, I'm not going to go into details about different sex tips and techniques... that's a post for r/sex... This step is about making sure you understand how sex effects many women. Now, there are women out there who can have great sex and not care one iota about the person attached to the dick that caused her to make a puddle in the bed, but in most cases, women establish a very strong emotional connection to a man that's "GOOD" in bed. And the better you are, the stronger the investment. Without going in to too much detail, I offer these quick tips:

*Good sex starts before the close hit the floor. Communication is crucial to learning the intricacies of your partners sexuality. Plus, who doesn't love talking about sex?

The first time you have sex with a woman (who you want to emotionally and physically invest in you), have sex with her entire body. Don't just climb on and plow away (unless that's what she's into*). Women have a ton of erogenous zones. Explore them and she'll love your for it.

*And lastly: Sex doesn't end at orgasm. Nothing gets a woman into you like a sensual massage or gentle kisses along her spine and neck. Just because you came doesn't mean the fun has to end. The more pleasure she gets, the more she'll want.

Sex is one of the key components of a healthy adult relationship. Good sex is key to strong emotional and physical investment from a woman. Learn how to please her body and her heart will follow.

Step Five - Withdrawal

Something I notice a lot of men do when seeking a LTR, and to their detriment, is making themselves too available. You are there at her beck and call and forget that you have your own life to lead. This, IME, is a mistake. One of the things I recommend, especially after the initial sexual encounter, is taking a step back. Now, I'm not suggesting you start treating her poorly or acting like a dick, but give both her and yourself the opportunity to remember that your relationship with YOU is critical to your personal well being. Do a couple of activities solo, spend some alone time, and reconnect with you.

If you do spend time together, I suggest doing things besides sex. Trust me on this. If you had great sex, and then stopped, but maintained the intimacy, physical arousal, and contact, a woman will be feening for it by the next time you give it to her. In addition, this is a great chance to figure out exactly how much she enjoyed it. I always say: If you want to know if a woman enjoys sex with you, she'll try to have sex with you again.

And I know your hormones will be shouting the opposite, but believe me when I tell you: screw a girls brains out, then go three dates without sex; all while keeping her physically excited... Putty in our hands!

The added bonus is that it shows her that you're interested in more than just sex; that you value her as a person and truly enjoy spending time with her. And people in general want to feel valued and appreciated. Give yourself some time outside the bedroom and she'll be your slave inside it.

Step Six - Just Because

Fun fact: Women don't appreciate sentimental acts/gifts from men until AFTER they are emotionally invested. Ever send a girl you just met flowers, or write her a poem, or make her a playlist of your favorite 90's power ballads, and wonder why she didn't give a shit? It's because she wasn't emotionally invested, and those things came off as eager, needy, or trying to hard.

But wait until she's invested in you emotionally and physically, and send her a bouquet of roses to her job! My, how the heart swoons! This is when you start doing those things "Just Because". This is when you send the texts "Just thinking about you." or "Good Morning, beautiful!". This is when you hand write love notes and leave them in her purse to find later. This is when you send flowers or buy her something nice... when she's appreciates it for the kind, romantic, generous gesture that it is, as opposed to a desperate attempt to win her affection.

And most women absolutely adore those little gestures. They fall in love with them, as long as they are from someone they already invested in emotionally and physically.

So there it is; Six Steps to getting her emotionally and physically invested. As I said, it works wonders for me, and has for a fellow Sedditor. I sincerely hope it works for you.

Cheers!