Time wasters.

mamajamerson · 2012-05-31T11:20:51+00:00

I try to keep a firm grasp of the following. There is a finite number of potential matches for you, or of fish in your particular pond. Each person who flakes, or you don't mesh with, or whatever; each of these removes an obstacle in the way of you meeting the person who is right for you.

If you can keep focused on this mindset, then each potential match you eliminate is a step forward.

fish619407 · 2012-05-31T11:50:34+00:00

Bad experiences become good stories.

BreakinCombos · 2012-05-31T09:16:26+00:00

Well you could try applying a video game analogy to it. You play the tutorial first, taking it easy (reading up on material, practicing in front of a mirror) then you step into the real game with a pea shooter and 10 bb's (first time in a bar, first # close etc). Eventually the more you play the game the better weapons you acquire, the better your armor gets, and the higher your level gets (F closes, serious relationships, even a wife maybe). Experience is experience, you should try and learn something from every interaction.

But flakes suck, I agree. Eventually instead of closing out of the game whenever you die, you just click the respawn button and push through the difficult parts. Hope this helped a little its all I got!

Altivo · 2012-05-31T10:40:22+00:00

time is better spent talking to someone, whatever the outcome, than standing in the corner with the beer against your chest. you can't control if someone is going to like you or not so stop worrying about it.

edit: i'd like to add that if you view every interaction that doesn't lead into warm hole as a waste of time, i think you're approaching this whole thing with completely wrong mindset, meeting new people and socializing should be enjoyable to you.

UnapologeticalyAlive · 2012-05-31T12:49:56+00:00

Every rejection is really a success as long as you learn from it. The only time you ever really fail is when you fail to learn from your mistakes. Keep that in mind and you won't be frustrated any more.

puaCurveBall · 2012-05-31T17:08:01+00:00

This is an excellent opportunity to refine your game so you can figure out in the first 15 seconds, 1 minute, 5 minutes where you stand in a set.

I rarely feel like I waste my time, because I've already figured out if she is interested and the logistics of how the night is going down in the first couple minutes.

Also, learn to enjoy talking to women. You should have a good time regardless if it leads anywhere. Interact because you enjoy interacting, not because you want to get laid.

Avolition84 · 2012-05-31T12:23:32+00:00

That's an incredibly hindering way to look at it & doesn't help you grow at all. It sounds like you're blaming her for not being attracted to you.

First of all. Don't get drunk. You're just shooting yourself in the foot with that crutch.

Second. Mistakes aren't a waste of time if you learn from them. Their 'flaking' or 'wasting your time' only highlights errors in either, what you see in yourself (Looking at it your way weren't you wasting her time also?), or in your game. If you can't tell if the girls genuinely interested in you then that's your problem. It's more likely you have a bit of one-itis. Holding off on meeting other women cause you like this one & are blaming her for it. Or worse, blaming her for your mistakes. Take responsibility for your failures. Or don't take responsibility for your successes.

ElevenIdiots · 2012-05-31T13:18:32+00:00

I would always treat flakes as good learning opportunity. First and foremost, your inner game is not tight-

Girls should feel inclined to spend some time with you. In your case, it feels your game is not upto par. Consider flakes as part of the game and keep developing inner game.

PM me if you want to flush out details.

sane-ish · 2012-05-31T13:39:41+00:00

I don't think you can ignore it, but I think you can learn to respect the situation for what it is. I like what you friend says about 'respecting the battlefield.' You aren't above the game. How can you get over that? Maybe focus on small goals you're trying to achieve instead of trying to get some. For instance; try to get her to reveal something private.

What I personally don't care for here, is how often people are willing to tell you that the effort you make is wrong. No. Not necessarily. You could have done everything right.. sometimes it's just not in the cards. That's why it's called 'getting lucky'.

BehindtheHype · 2012-05-31T12:50:22+00:00

You might notice that there are a lot of similarities between dating and sales. So when I feel like you, I think of this analogy I got from an old sales manager of mine (at the time, I was bitching about getting a lot of cancellations from my sales)...

You got a big pot and you keep filling the pot. You keep filling it until it gets to the top, and then you keep filling it. Now it's overflowing. The overflow is your success.

Hope that helps, and don't get discouraged. There are decent women out there.

Edgar_Allan_Rich · 2012-05-31T15:36:29+00:00

Here's how I look at it:

Flaky people have no respect for themselves or others, making them shitty people. Shitty people are only good for one thing, and are otherwise a waste of my time.

From there, I basically treat them like the people I know them to be. I'm never rude or anything. I just only give them my time and energy when I'm horny or want something from them, because they have chosen to be worth only that much. Generally, if a girl directly lies to me about a meetup and then flakes, I explain to them the situation in a cordial way ("I don't appreciate you flaking on me, when you want to get serious give me a call. It was nice meeting you."), and then I don't talk to them again. Usually they call me a week later and I close. I've currently got a fuck buddy based on that exact situation actually. Sometimes they never call back, but by then I've already met new people anyway. Either way it's off my chest.

magicroot75 · 2012-05-31T13:59:36+00:00

I have this a lot. Girl will look away or start talking to someone else. I think first thing you need to consider is "Why?". Am I engaging her physically and emotionally enough to make me worth her time? If this is so, and it very well may be, I just back out and wish them a good night (if they will even pay attention). Ultimately, those time wasters are a joke in my book. They simply don't register on the same level as the girls who will hold a conversation and actually notice you. I'm still certainly no expert, but I've been trying for about a year now and this is my perspective.

2012-05-31T15:10:15+00:00

What I don't understand is how outcome independence can be compatible with goals. Can someone help me understand?

Jackiedees · 2012-05-31T15:27:17+00:00

My friend an I took to practicing our game about a year ago and the very first lesson we learned was the most important thing to do the moment we start running game (for us at least) was to "condition". That means that we go up to the first set of girls we see and open them. No gameplan, no forethought, just go. Getting rejected was pretty much the desired outcome. If it goes well, great. But the sooner you get that first bad approach out of the way, the better. One you realize "That's the worst that can happen", the rest of the night I promise you will be on the ball. I do this every time, because approach anxiety is always my most limiting factor.

2012-05-31T15:41:57+00:00

Good point.

This is the way I look at it: social life is a series of interactions. Each interaction consists of action <--> reaction, if you don't get positive reactions, it's a sign that there's something not working, maybe it's you, maybe it's her, maybe it's just bad timing or what not, YOU have to be the one to recognize when it's time to move on, before she does, otherwise you'll (both) feel you've wasted time.

There's more: while you are the one that initiates the interaction, you need to make sure that she's invested in the interaction itself, by enabling her to take some actions, instead of being on the receiving end of all of your efforts.

Enough theory, let's go down to practice.

Talking: you open with something, maybe a question or a statement, and she gives you an answer, or a comment, or a smile. And continue that way. But if at some point in time, soon, she's not an active participant in the conversation, she's not actually invested in the interaction.

Same with kino, if you are the only one doing the touching: it's creepy!

Seduction is a set of tools that give all of us a leading role in life, but we ought not to be the only ones doing all the work, if we do, there's no attraction.

Seduction is about generating attraction, if it was up to me, I would re-name this board and the entire community ATTRACTION ARCHITECTURE

2012-05-31T16:14:53+00:00

I'll just barge in with another analogy:

Would you consider a game of chess a waste of time unless you won it?

It's basically what you are saying here.

Balloons_lol · 2012-05-31T18:00:12+00:00

If you have fun while talking to them, even if it doesn't work out and you don't have sex, you still had a good time.

Some people think seduction is simply a means to get sex, but that's the wrong mindset to have.

2012-05-31T13:03:37+00:00

sometimes I actually say it

You sir, have bigger balls than so many people I know. My respect.

PickAddicts · 2012-05-31T09:54:31+00:00

I hear all the rhetoric here on seddit about: "don't worry about outcome"

The reason being, when you put it in your head of not expecting an outcome, you wil act more natural.

"Dammit woman, you just wasted my time, I got better things to do then deal with your stupid shit.

Sorry to say it, it's not her fault... it's yours! You didn't show value, you didn't give her a reason to be after YOU!

Sometimes I actually say it

Maybe you should say it more often?! But in a tongue in cheek kind of way...

(depending on how drunk I am)

Best thing I ever did was go and approach girls SOBER! It will teach you a lot!!

I was told by a friend of mine to "respect the battlefield".

If you want to call it a "battlefield" then you have to go in there with a different mindset as you previously had.

what mentally do you adopt to ingore this crap?

The mentally I have is "I can get better" or "There's more fish in the pond" and that there is more to learn!

If a girl (or group of girls) are not having it, say your good byes and MOVE ON! Even if they are 10s! A simple "It was a great conversation, maybe we can continue it some other night, but I've got to go." would cover all your bases.

2012-05-31T15:07:03+00:00

if you are thinking of it as a battlefield... then what would you expect? if you are heading into anything with the thought of "..could be wasting my time".. check yourself. meeting anyone is about making a solid connection, step one. step two, make it happen. remember to relax, meeting someone is not a competition, but it is an art.

ThrowawayPUA · 2012-05-31T18:58:16+00:00

This is where I like to reiterate the concepts of Opportunity Cost and Qualification.

Time you spend with one woman is time you can't spend with some other woman. Every woman comes with an Opportunity Cost, you spend time on her and that costs you opportunities with other women, possibly better women.

So the solution is to raise your standards and make women meet them before you'll spend time with them: Qualification. The best way to reduce flaking is to screen out women that will flake. I vaguely recall some qualification routine, the PUA tells the woman he thinks flaking is unattractive because it shows that the woman isn't really committed to the things she says she's committed to. This makes the woman want to qualify to you, she will have to show she's not a flake. Or at least, that's the theory, I haven't tried this.

2012-05-31T19:03:55+00:00

Find another job before you quit your current one. Thats my philosophy.

Also, I feel that apathy works better than getting angry at a girl.

seddituction · 2012-05-31T19:12:17+00:00

Dude it sounds like you spending time with them only to get into their pants. Dont do that. Try having fun spending time with them. Be yourself do what you want to do having fun, not what you think the girl wants

ejpusa · 2012-05-31T18:30:19+00:00

After seduction you may end up with 2 kids, a mortgage, 30/40 years of a marriage to a SO. For some strange reason, no one on self.seduction seems to EVER think about that. And that's why the women will ALWAYS win. They think this "Game" is hilarious by the way. For in the end, "We always win the Game". We always do. But it's fun to see you guys work so hard at it." Take the mile high view, you are NOT seducing them, THEY are seducing you.

The ONLY tip you will ever need: Just live in the moment. That's it. Just live in the moment. And you'll do fine.

bubblybooble · 2012-05-31T11:23:37+00:00

The tighter your game gets, the lower the percentage of flakes and rejections. A good enough player will convert close to all of his approaches. Casanova used to lay nuns at the monastery back in his teens. Nuns! If he could lay nuns, you should be able to lay regular whores.

It's nobody's fault but your own. It's girls' job to make it hard for you to fuck them. It's your job to get better at the game. Everybody should do their job.

IonBeam2 · 2012-06-02T02:52:18+00:00

How do I downvote this whole subreddit?

Title	Time wasters.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	91
Comments	69
Date	May 31, 2012 8:26 AM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/udlmr/time_wasters/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/time-wasters.1305229 https://theredarchive.com/post/1305229

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