Very very weird post.

I take cold showers regularly, for one simple reason. To remind myself of something.

Just before I turn on the tap on my shower and set it to cold, I look at it frozen in fear. Anxiety kicks in. I start coming up with rationalisations on why this is a bad idea. I self talk about hypothermia, I self talk about masochism, I usually say this is stupid.

But then I look that shower in the face and I remind myself something "It's going to be uncomfortable at first, but then it'll be okay."

The first drop is the worst, but after that it's okay.

It's like jumping in a cold pool, or a cold sea.

For me it's the same with approaching.

Before I approach, I get frozen with anxiety. I come up with several rationalisations on why this is stupid, "she's busy", "she's probably a bitch.", "I'm not in state" etc etc etc.

But then I remind myself, just like with cold showers.

"It's going to be uncomfortable at first, but then it's going to get better."

And the first approach might come out awkward, but what sometimes happens is I just own that fucking nervousness and the interaction goes way better than expected.

I'll leave with this lesson I learned from Seneca:

The Fear of Future Suffering is often worse than the suffering itself.