Why do I see so many interesting and reasonably attractive older men with unnattractive women?

HurricaneAlpha · 2014-09-16T16:34:49+00:00

Two things:

Women age like bread, while men age like wine.

Some men (it should be all men) are attracted to more than just looks. Maybe those women have something that your typical 10s don't have.

hmott3 · 2014-09-16T15:07:59+00:00

Girls looks drop off fast!

I'm 38. If I look at pix on Facebook at the best looking couple from my sr year its amazing the difference. They were both a 10, outgoing good looking, all that. I showed a friend (23 f) his pix and asked for a rating.. She said 8. Then we looked at her pix, a 4. So he had the hot girl in high school, but 2 kids and 80lbs later she's below the min. Limit. Poor guy is stuck with her if he wants to be with his kids too.

He could do better a lot better.. She would do worse on the market today, much worse.

The thing is even the ones that stayed in decent shape are way below level now. I routinely date girls in there 20s with no problem. Girls 7-9 (working on 10s)! However girls my age are not going to be getting guys at that level, No way. They are soft, wrinkled, saging, you can see the years on them. They are in one pieces, or should be! With guys its just not an issue for girls to have that same 'years' on them.

bluebearypancake · 2014-09-16T19:04:28+00:00

People in general who have good status (attractive, smart, rich) may find that many of their opposite- sex partners from the same status have terrible attitudes or big egos. Those in the lower status may tend to be willing to work harder to please because they don't have things handed to them.

ThrowawayPUA · 2014-09-16T15:39:20+00:00

Some men have different ideas about what qualities are attractive.

writingpromptguy · 2014-09-16T17:19:29+00:00

Simply put love.

They met when they were younger and they were both attractive or at least good looking. The thing is over time we age but we all do not age the same.

If you are looking to form a life long relationship with someone what are you going to care more about, their looks or their personality? Looks fade but who they are on the inside most likely will not.

Granted you will realize one day that the person you wake up to has gotten older and doesn't look the same but they understand you and more importantly love you for who you are knowing you do not look the same.

Granted it is easier to get laid by someone who is younger and hotter than your spouse but will they understand you? Will they get the same jokes or find your quirks amusing?

themanbat · 2014-09-16T16:20:55+00:00

These older guys probably married a girl their same age when young. Also there is social pressure to days someone your own age among peer groups.

Sluggernaut47 · 2014-09-16T17:01:14+00:00

At that young age before you get a job and other commitments, most men have created the habit of working out already so they continue to stay in shape after marriage as well. It is harder to build the habit of working out as you get older with other commitments keeping you busy. Before you get married make sure you're SO builds a habit of hitting the gym with you

2014-09-16T17:29:59+00:00

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pretty_sheep · 2014-09-16T17:01:51+00:00

There are also a ton of women with absolutely deadbeat men.

Half the threads in r/relationships is about young girls with some 40 year old loser.

Your observations are meaningless. Confirmation bias etc..

mybigballs · 2014-09-16T20:12:29+00:00

Because dating market is a cesspool of biter divorced people with issues when you get older. If you find someone that is nice and loves you and isn't a 10 who gives a fuck, the alternatives are worse. You keep that bitch.

Edgar_Allan_Rich · 2014-09-16T19:43:52+00:00

1) Women's looks deteriorate quicker for both physical reasons and social reasons

2) Hot chicks get grabbed up quick, so the longer you wait, the worse your options are.

3) Older dudes are willing to put up with less hot girl bullshit.

Terakahn · 2014-09-16T20:47:09+00:00

Perhaps there's more to the story than looks.

miketr2009 · 2014-09-16T21:22:43+00:00

Well, first, I don't think a discrepancy in the aging of married couples is related. Sometimes one or the other goes, sometimes neither, usually both :)

I'll add a slight twist on the idea that an older man, with more wisdom, appreciates the other aspects of a woman. But why?

An attractive man with any social sense has dated and perhaps been married to attractive women as much as he wants. Enough to understand how transient feelings about looks are. Once you've been around a gorgeous woman with a whiny voice or a snotty attitude for a few months, you do not give a shit in hell what she looks like, you just want to get as far away from her as you can with as little fuss as possible. You spend some time around a vivacious, nurturing, funny, intelligent woman who has average looks, and you become more and more enthralled with her. And you learn from such experiences.

That's from the man's perspective. I would only be able to speculate from the woman's perspective. Divorced women seem kind of picky; like they'd rather live on their own than be with a guy who is merely at their level. Or they overvalue themselves and ignore guys on their level sometimes, perhaps (remember this is speculation). Further, it would not surprise me if men were more motivated to get into a new relationship than women, for whatever reasons.

Also, if a guy marries an attractive woman who is actually nice over the long term, he is gonna fight harder to keep her with him and out of the dating pool compared to someone with a nice woman who is not attractive. If she wants out, many men probably would not fight as hard.

Graviest · 2014-09-16T21:33:49+00:00

All that makeup, uncomfortable clothes and shoes take their toll. Not too mention children, stress, lack of fitness. The girl Im with right now is an 8, and about to enter her 30's. Shes told me the reasons her looks stay while her friends fade is that she almost never wears makeup and is very active (biking, volleyball, kayaking). She doesn't go in for the typical shit that girls do to make themselves look good every day. Shes naturally beautiful and never felt the need to do much more than make sure her hair isnt awful when she leaves the house.

Theres also the thing to consider that as you get older you look for something more than just a hot bang. Ive had plenty of them and they were good and fun, but about 1% were people that I would consider having any sort of relationship with. I count myself lucky with the girl Im with right now because shes beautiful, smart, funny, and I can actually get along with her for more than a day straight. I wouldn't take any amount of vapid 10s that will do anything over that.

Its also been my experience that half of those outrageously hot girls are starfish in bed. The ones that arent are great, but a lot of girls get the mentality that they only have to look good and that will be good enough. When that attitude crosses into the bedroom I would rather have an enthusiastic paper bagger than a super hot starfish.

SmilingAnus · 2014-09-16T22:02:38+00:00

Because you're looking at what you can see. I think I'm attractive in a sense that I'm not repulsive but I think my wife is hot. However, that's not why I married her. What I see...

She knows what I'm thinking before I do. She goes out of her way to do things that she knows I'll appreciate, and she finds enjoyment in doing so. We like watching the same shows and doing the same things. I put myself before her because she puts herself before me because I put myself before her to infinity. I trust her with everything I have and she does the same. Even though neither of us have anything to hide, we still enjoy time apart but think of each other when we are apart. Sometimes I look at her after 3 years and she looks brand new, like I'm seeing her for the first time but at the same time I know every freckle and hair on her body. She's exciting. My favorite thing to do is just be with her. She's my best friend and the one person I tell everything to.

That's not something you can see at first glance when looking at people, but if you do happen to see it, you can watch heaven unfold with each breath they share together.

Or one of them is rich and the other is a gold digger.

xpensivewino · 2014-09-16T19:04:48+00:00

Hmm. This is perplexing to me. As a reasonably good looking, 30yo woman (who really only looks 24/25 max, trust me), I keep thinking to myself that I'm seeing too many pretty women settle for overweight, average looking guys. The only way I can rationalize it is that the average dudes are willing to offer the security and commitment of marriage, etc. much more readily than "hot guys" are. But fuck that noise, I'm not gonna date anyone just bc they're "nice" if they aren't also at a similar level attraction to my own. (which is probably why I'm single and 30 right now I know, I know).

duckspeed · 2014-09-16T23:44:33+00:00

A lot of speculation in this thread so I will add my own observation.

Here in Europe I see the same thing even with young couples. An attractive guy with a very average girl (sometimes even overweight girls which are rare around here). It seems that the matching is no longer equal, an 8 dating an 8 etc, but rather the really hot girls refuse to enter a relationship at all. They're waiting for prince charming or their perfect match while the guys settle for whatever they can get.

Maybe I am wrong but that's the impression I get these days.

Ak_Float_Flyer · 2014-09-16T18:18:15+00:00

She probably looked pretty good when they married.

Barackis · 2014-09-16T19:55:34+00:00

They fuck like porn stars

pacg · 2014-09-16T21:58:22+00:00

I'm sure you've heard the expression, "For every hot woman, there's some guy who's sick of her shit."

Men do age better than women, except perhaps Asian women since they have a longer shelf life if you'll pardon the expression.

But yeah, whoever you end up with will lose her looks eventually. What perhaps you haven't had the chance to confront is the difficulty in finding a woman who makes for a nice companion, who is a person with whom you can talk and engage, and share and who will not only put up with but also love you for your nonsense and shit.

The older guys you see probably understand this; hell, they're living it. I'm 42 and I check out the 21+ year olds. They're all so cute and full of energy and wonder. But then I listen to their conversations and they sound so boring and dull; sometimes they sound downright stupid. I've chatted up women who were some real foxes and after a few minutes, I just get so bored listening to them prattle on stuff about which I don't care.

The point is, looks are important. They are definitely important. Gotta be with someone you find physically attractive. However, looks aren't everything.

ImStuuuuuck · 2014-09-16T22:17:35+00:00

Those broads have their seduction game on lock.

arbivark · 2014-09-16T22:42:35+00:00

i have dated several ugly women who loved sex. some kinds of ugly you can look past if they are freaks in bed. as a low status male, i take what i can get, and am usually alone.

lofiharvest · 2014-09-16T23:05:45+00:00

Reminds me of this guy I know. Decent looking chap, in shape, does a lot of interesting stuff (Mountain climbing, parkour, etc) but his wife is this boring, shy, turtle faced gal with coke bottle glasses. Makes no sense whatsoever!

ToatZimco · 2014-09-16T16:29:51+00:00

Many men don't know how to bang dimes, regardless of their age. I know I don't and never have, I'm 29. Isn't that what this subreddit is all about?

mybelovedchaos · 2014-09-16T16:48:50+00:00

I look exactly the same now (26) as i did when i was 15

GreySafet · 2014-09-16T19:39:14+00:00

My wife and I have done a lot of swinging and dating (we're in our 40s in a long-term open marriage), and I can tell you the opposite is generally the case. The vast majority of couples we have met and know involve a reasonably attractive (sometimes hot) woman with an unattractive, unfit, unstylish, and/or all of the above guy. I think a lot of women are willing to settle for a guy that offers other qualities -- all the 'nice' guy qualities that got you nowhere in college and your early 20s turn out to be exactly what women in their 30s and 40s are dying for. Also, while a lot of women let their bodies and appearance go after getting married and having kids, we see that phenomenon even more among the men, probably because there's more public scrutiny of women's weight vs. men's.

gwdarktwistedta · 2014-09-16T14:31:14+00:00

Confidence?

itsmevichet · 2014-09-16T15:38:22+00:00

It's just that you notice it, and it doesn't mean anything to your life.

Shoot, man, I don't know those guys' life stories. In fact, I've never bothered to make your observation.

I get that you're intellectually curious about it, but without cold hard data, we've got nothing to talk about here. If you want to know the answer to your question, it's time to interview a whole bunch of cool older guys why they're tied up with modest ladies.

chriszr · 2014-09-16T19:16:31+00:00

guys are to worried about their own inabilities to pick up dimes. why? who fucking knows. pussy is pussy and if you think that girl is to fine to even give you some time, your wrong. maybe you didnt catch her eye. fucking be a man, strike up a convo and get at it. Be funny, feel her vibes and go with them. Most women can be seduced so easily not matter how hot. why? cause they arent trying to defend themselves from you, they actually like interaction, its in human nature. The key is to make her enjoy the social interaction just enough so that she is willing to do it again sometime. bambambam you got a number and hopefully she is waiting for that text. hot women and hard to get women are a myth. play the game when you talk to them. lie about your job if you think she wouldnt sleep with a substitute teacher. dont tell her you live with your parents. its very easy to give yourself the best odds of fucking a chick as long as you take all the fear and get it out of your head. i do this by listening to thug music and remembering my last encounters of slaying pussy.

ihahp · 2014-09-16T20:07:54+00:00

Um love? They love them?

Geez.

Title	Why do I see so many interesting and reasonably attractive older men with unnattractive women?
Author	MinxXxy
Upvotes	59
Comments	101
Date	September 16, 2014 2:29 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/2gk8mv/why_do_i_see_so_many_interesting_and_reasonably/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/why-do-i-see-so-many-interesting-and-reasonably.1376669 https://theredarchive.com/post/1376669

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