Why She Stopped Sleeping With You

NickTDS · 2013-06-12T15:54:13+00:00

Lots of great advice here. It's not fair to expect a woman to be just as attracted to you when you let yourself go as she was when you first caught her attention. I think for healthy relationships attraction has to always be there. Assume that she could leave at any time if you just don't cut it anymore and you will always be improving.

jinbaittai · 2013-06-12T23:05:17+00:00

As a woman, this article is pretty much spot on. There are some quibbles here and there, but for the most part, I can say most of these issues affected my sex life (and the lack thereof) with my ex. Not that they were all his fault - but in his mind, it was all MY fault. So yeah. Listen up ladies and gents - BOTH of you are responsible for your sex life and what it becomes.

zappa_toast · 2013-06-12T19:31:48+00:00

Thank you, My fiance and i have had trouble with our intimacy for basically our entire relationship. We haven't had sex in almost a year because I've given up on trying to initiate and getting turned down every time. This article has such good information i cried when i read it. I'm sending this to him and hopefully it will start the conversation again.

Ra1den · 2013-06-12T16:21:20+00:00

This is a fantastic write-up.

ImJustAMan · 2013-06-12T16:22:40+00:00

These concepts are important to be worked into relationships from their inception. Keep reminding yourself not to fear being completely open about your and your partner's sexuality.

geofat619 · 2013-06-12T16:46:24+00:00

I like this. I remember now that what happened to me, was that I let myself go. Thanks for posting.

Skytile · 2013-06-12T17:36:47+00:00

This does an amazing job putting into words something that I've been trying to explain for so long. Thank you!

doughboyfresh_89 · 2013-06-12T17:10:21+00:00

Things I wish I knew sooner, once again. But now I know and can work on it.

Babayaga20000 · 2013-06-13T08:06:36+00:00

Jokes on you I'm not sleeping with anyone...

SirByron · 2013-06-12T17:34:41+00:00

Insightful Nick. You're a brain!

ericxfresh · 2013-06-12T21:30:12+00:00

This article directly relates to an experience that lead me to this community.

The first point: Commit to being a strong man There is so much writing on these points, but I still seem to have a hard time internalizing them without feeling like I'm becoming emotionally removed and cold. For me, Inner Game, and being committed to developing into a strong man is the most important part of the Game, but I still feel like there are a lot of sticking points. For instance; being assertive and maintaining a strong frame seem vague to me, and I find that when I try to practice this, I feel an emotional wall of separation.

Would elaborate on these points?

toerrisbadsyntax · 2013-06-13T03:04:51+00:00

damn.... like a lot of others in this thread, I too had received this information a little late.

long story short, my (now soon to be ex) wife.... started having another male friend around in our (my fathers gift to me) house. first it was just a night here and there while I was at my car meet.

I've been quite involved and renowed in my car club and other outlying clubs in the area - this is not a new thing, nor a surprise. Also, there were a number of nights where I would be at my garage (at my familys place in the country) but it would always be "an inconvenience" to her to come see me.... at my familys house (for juxtaposition, I would frequently go to her parents place - twice the distance away - without her there to take care of her duties while she was working)

as time went on, there was guy, on my couch more and more. when I attempted to talk to her, I got the cold shoulder and no mutually creative approach to an equitable solution.... basically a "shut up and deal with it"... this was also about the time she had purchased a book titled "the ethical slut" which is about polyamorus(sp?) relationships. well, she kinda opened up a bit more after reading that book that she wanted an open marriage. I wish I could have read between the lines a bit better.

regardless, after our falling out, 2 weeks later, I find something out I didnt want to find which confirmed my fears. I'm glad I'm out. I'm now attempting to reinforce abundance in my life. and for the time being, it's working swell.

although I haven't spoken with her face to face in almost a year, I still feel justified that what I did was for the best. I mean, there's open relationships, and there's marriage. I do not believe that we would have been strong enough to constitute an open marriage. and personally I think people get married to settle out of, not into open relationships. but I digress.... my time was not valued, I felt disrespected in my own house, and I felt like she was stressing me out (actually she was, I had rashes from stress and scratching that had subsided after she was out of the picture)

so naturally, that article here is good advice so long as the intended message isn't altered and twisted into fodder for the battle of the sexes

I'm sure some of my decisions were less than stellar, but ultimately, I was willing to work on it, I did honestly try... but sometimes, some people just want to have their cake and eat it too.

CookieJellybean · 2013-06-13T05:58:29+00:00

I promised myself to stay virgin and give my entire self to the guy I'm going to marry. I'm very proud of that and even though he has a son from another woman, I didn't care. I'd rather be the last woman in his life and of course, I loved him. Fast forward, he cheated on me. I feel disgusted. It feels like he double dipped his dick from another woman then to me. I lost that desire of wanting him because it felt dirty. We are still together, it's very hard for me to make a decision of divorcing him because of his son (and we have a daughter,too). I love his son like my own child and leaving my husband means leaving him too..

creativebiz · 2013-06-12T16:54:31+00:00

http://marriedmansexlife.com/take-the-red-pill/

Hadephobiac · 2013-06-12T15:39:32+00:00

how depressing

doughboyfresh_89 · 2013-06-12T17:10:24+00:00

Things I wish I knew sooner, once again. But now I know and can work on it.

offthetwig · 2013-06-12T22:00:10+00:00

damn this is good.

Pickletoez · 2013-06-12T23:14:10+00:00

You know, honestly I think it has a lot to do with the fact that people aren't romancing anymore. I often come home early so I can dress myself up and cook a kickass candle-lit dinner for my SO, surprise him with cute letters, but what does he do for me? Not much besides regurgitated love poems, copy pasta'd from the web. I mean sure, he loves me and I know it, its just that he doesnt have a clue how to romance- And I KNOW its not just him. All I see now are men and women faking politeness until they get their fill of the other person.

fap_no · 2013-06-12T22:05:19+00:00

This is an interesting article that might relate:

http://spp.sagepub.com/content/3/2/224.full

Stains45 · 2013-06-13T03:17:56+00:00

I think the key to what's being said here is letting yourself go, not just physically but also mentally and emotionally.

NickTDS · 2013-06-13T04:25:26+00:00

[permanently deleted]

choc_is_back · 2013-06-13T10:55:43+00:00

Though the reason is always "she is not attracted to you", the fact is that sheer 'novelty' is a rather big factor in finding somebody interesting and thus, yes, attractive.

The novelty going away is something inevitable, and hard to find.

n1cey · 2013-06-13T11:37:14+00:00

By experience, looks is not the most important part. There are three point that I allways try to remember.

Being a leader of sorts. Suggestions, planning, follow through. Leading by example
NEVER accept disrespect from your partner. Hold your partner to the same standard as what you expect of yourself. Flirting, keeping plans and such.
Assertiveness. When your partner asks your opinion of something. Say it no matter what. The answer "what ever you want" is not acceptable. Tell your partner what you want and expect that your opinion will be valued(remember to tell your partner what is important to you and what's not. And everything can not be important to you, because suddenly you will be mr/ms bossy).

CBMalone25 · 2013-06-13T12:02:33+00:00

Very nice. Even if somebody isn't going through this now, it's great advice on how to be a better person in general. Thank you

Barncore · 2013-06-13T13:20:52+00:00

This was really eye opening for me. And it explains why my previous 4 year relationship ended. I lost my confidence and stopped being her polarising man. I stopped putting effort in (into both myself and the relationship), and the energy died. That relationship isn't salvageable, but atleast now i can finally learn what the problem was and grow from it. She never gave me any feedback as to why she ended an otherwise awesome relationship, but there's no doubt in my mind that this was the crux of it. Her attraction to me fizzled. Now i can stop guessing and finally let it go. So, thanks for sharing your perspective!

Maybe you lost your confidence. You have low self-esteem. You don’t trust in yourself and never take charge. You’re always negative and cynical. You get jealous easily. You became needy, clingy, dependent, and overbearing.

This is exactly what happened to me. I don't know how or when i lost it, but i did. Trusting myself in particular is a problem for me.

Work on the four mental points above: become assertive, develop your confidence, take care of yourself, and stop being an asshole. Analyze which areas need the most development and tackle them one by one.

Just wondering, how does one develop their confidence?

hectarpit · 2013-06-17T04:44:46+00:00

"You have low self-esteem. You don’t trust in yourself and never take charge. You’re always negative and cynical. You get jealous easily. You became needy, clingy, dependent, and overbearing."

This has become me. Its killing my relationship. I know its going on but I dont know what to do to change it. If anyone has any advice to get over this slump i would really appreciate it

btek · 2013-06-12T21:22:19+00:00

This is one of the most sexist things I ever read/came across. Thanks for blaming men for everything. Was I put on earth to entertain my wife and initiate everything? Maybe the woman can flirt and caress me sometimes ? I have a successful 4 year relationship; I'm not just some guy commenting. This article also vindicates cheating women because "its not their fault they're not being aroused by their other half".

ZombieKitty · 2013-06-12T21:10:53+00:00

50 Shades of Grey obliterated records becoming the fastest selling paperback in history. The series has sold a whopping 70 million copies and has been read by nearly every woman under the age of 55.

I am one of the few that didn't read this idiotic excuse for a novel. If I want porn, I'll search online like any other normal person.

2013-06-13T05:32:31+00:00

New stat: 100% of men let the woman take the blame.

NickTDS · 2013-06-13T14:14:01+00:00

[permanently deleted]

tookmyname · 2013-06-12T22:09:09+00:00

While I may agree with the general assertion, I have to say none of those statistics made or pushed the point. I'd point them out one by one, but then I'd have to quote each one. Also that source looks weak, not that I'm disputing.

flufferpeanut · 2013-06-13T13:39:33+00:00

How can you say in the same article that if a woman has time to work out but says there's no time for sex, she's not attracted to you anymore, but since she's not attracted to you anymore, you need to work out more? Sometimes there really just isn't enough time in a day and you have to prioritize. If you always chose sex over exercising, cooking a healthy meal, watching your favorite TV show, going out to dinner, seeing a live band, etc., you'd be unhealthy and bored.

It's not always as simple as "She's just not that into you anymore."

Cyber_Janee · 2013-06-12T23:16:11+00:00

Or you just have a small penis.

Title	Why She Stopped Sleeping With You
Author	NickTDS
Upvotes	384
Comments	72
Date	June 12, 2013 3:03 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1g75zz/why_she_stopped_sleeping_with_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/why-she-stopped-sleeping-with-you.1353728 https://theredarchive.com/post/1353728

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