I’ve posted throughout my journey - which started last November officially. I’m late 30s, she mid 30s. Married 2 years, no kids.

  1. The tough (beginning)

After she requested the divorce / separation It started out with anger, frustration, resentment and I guess some hate from my side. Mixed with confusion and fucking lawyers. I was relieved though that it was over. I coped by training 2 x day for 7 days a week, non stop. I am in therapy 2 x week. So I was emotional but kept it to myself and my therapy.

I burned out 3 months later and picked up injuries from the training. Sigh.

  1. The pain (mid)

Somehow as happy as I was with us being separated. It was tough when 1) I heard from Her, and 2) hearing from lawyer (mediator) during the negotiation stage. Again, I was happy, relieved and in general enjoying my life - my city and on a positive upward trend. I thought about her with no emotions and more frustration during the negotiations. And got angry at the person she has become. As they say “the woman you knew ain’t the woman you know during the divorce”. Training was up and down during Feb / march.

  1. The end …

I got my divorce date a few weeks ago and could not have been happier and more excited. Then, I did post a poem a few days ago, but damn it hit home about 3 days ago. I became super emotional - gave her some headspace - and somehow got sad again like how it was at the start. The same sensation of loss and pain. But coupled with relieve.

Today the divorce papers have been signed. It’s also my birthday. Mixed feelings to say the least. As I’m typing this I’m sitting in a park, typing the good bye message to her. I’m not angry. I’m calm. At peace. Yet emotional. But again - I’m happy it’s over. Relived that she is out my life. But somehow - at present - even though she was not great during the divorce I’m not angry about it. I really have been civil and walk away proudly. Yet, somehow only the good times are what I’m thinking about when I think back about her and us. And I’m ok with it. I am not saying it wasn’t tough, that I want to be friends. Simply that I treasured our time together - regardless.

As we are better apart. But I do appreciate what we had whilst it was good. And also what she had to offer - or forced me to grow as an individual, and how I chose a path of personal growth and cliche, we grew apart.

  1. The future

I don’t know how I feel about dating, love, kids or not. I don’t really mind whatever path life will take me on, I’m really ok for it for life with partner or not. Single or not. I just hope - and that will be my continues focus - to avoid any red flags and improve myself the best I can and to not repeat the past. For me this is a big statement, as I always was scared of being alone. Always needed a relationship. And in this case - I don’t need someone or something. And hence saying I’m ok on whatever route life will take me on.

  1. The present

My tears have stopped and I will send her the good bye message now and the poem. I will not hear from her again and am closing the chapter between her and I. I am relieved. Excited. And single. A new life journey awaits - which is more exciting than ever. Not saying it’s easy. But somehow this is the best I’ve felt in my whole life. And hence - I’m not angry…

Obviously I don’t know what the next few weeks, months and years hold - but La Vida.

  1. The community

I’ve been an active member on this forum and community. I really do think it’s a great community. And I will continue to be there for everyone until the day I can’t. I’m sure I’ll post again some way or another about something re any post divorce realisations.

  1. The new life

Oh, I used to suffer from all kinda acting out during my life - which in this break up / separation have not happened. Hence I’ve had the strongest and healthiest journey yet to myself. I’ve learned to be kind to my self. To not judge myself. And started enjoying my company more… the biggest win is my understanding of my past - my issues and how to cope healthier.

But, having said all of that, today is an emotional up an down day ;) PS: what is kinda ironic, is that we got married a few days after her birthday, separated a day after our 2 year wedding anniversary (her request to separate) and then get divorced on my Birthday.