Very quick question for support

DancingBear62 · 2025-12-03T03:30:39+00:00

Look into attachment theory . That's been very helpful for me (anxiously attached). Spend some money on yourself - it's an investment. Meet with a therapist.

jarnock · 2025-12-02T16:32:20+00:00

One day you will regret not ending it sooner. Trying to win her back will only prolong your suffering. Deep down do you think or know it’s over? 2 years down the road if you do divorce will you think it was worth trying to save?

I stayed in a terrible marriage for about 5 years. Don’t be like me. Have a very frank conversation with your wife and lay it all out. See where that goes then decide whether to stay or not.

Ok-Guidance6491 · 2025-12-02T11:13:49+00:00

Ironically the fear of divorce leads to divorce. Like others say, get yourself back and she may refind attraction. This cannot be manipulation. It has to be real. Keep in mind she probably is in menopause and you can’t outthink hormones. Just be glad she hasn’t started an affair and prepared her secret exit. That’s such a common story these days.

Seriously, treat her kindly but let her see that you have your own life. STOP being emotionally dependent on her. That only turns her off faster.

shiv_tandavv · 2025-12-02T06:14:36+00:00

I'm missing my 8 ys old daughter. That's the only pain I have today after 4 years of separation. She is desperate for divorce and I just don't care and think about her. Is it possible to completely detach from my daughter? As I'm working far away from her.

KingJon85 · 2025-12-02T03:50:08+00:00

Hey buddy. My wife bailed on me about 10 weeks ago and filed for divorce immediately. I was in absolute shock for 6 to 8 weeks. Im accepting what is happening now and not as angry.

I literally had the worst pain in my heart for the first month. I truly know where the expression "broken heart" comes from now.

I believe im on the upswing now. Im done allowing her to control my emotions and cause me pain. Not to mention all the horrible things she has said and done to me since this began. It truly shows me who she really is.

It sucks but it is actually very peaceful being alone now. I felt lonely when we were together as she was disconnected as well. All I want to tell you is it gets better. The first couple of months will be brutal but keep busy and grind on.

probebeta · 2025-12-02T03:43:26+00:00

George Bruno said and I'm quoting him "save the man not thearroage" or "save the man and marriage might have a chance". I can't tell you how to take the pain away but you need to detach and start working on yourself, your hobbies, your kids, as if she wasn't there. Maybe even a complete 180 because that's what you'll need either way.

Eric242 · 2025-12-02T03:27:42+00:00

Well, it takes two to carry a marriage. Unfortunately, I think related to our current culture, marriages are seen as disposable based on feelings; that move up and down throughout an adult lifetime. Point is, not your fault, even while incredibly painful. You will survive through the pain, to be alive again.

DanHitt · 2025-12-02T02:02:09+00:00

I was in your exact situation. One night she just didn't come home from work. It was rough. It sent me on a journey. I ended in a really good place, but it was hit or miss for a while. I cried the first night and then a few more times over the next couple months but I wanted to get revenge by fixing everything that wasn't working in that relationship. I ended up giving advice to other guys, helping them through things. My advice is to find your purpose. Not the magical, zen purpose, but your purpose right now. It can be down and dirty like talk to 100 guys in my same situation or some shit like that, doesn't matter, you just need something that you are supposed to do. It will eat up time and thought, which are both your enemies right now.

Figure out what you want to accomplish because she left you, again this isn't your zen, all is right with the world purpose, this is something to put you into motion. Once in motion, you'll find your way, but until then, whatever can motivate you to do something, anything is what you need. Make sure you purpose is, in someway, service to others. Even if it sounds stupid or worthless. Ask 25 guys how they got through their divorce (the service is allowing them to mentor you - which is service). Something with no real 'productive' outcome but will get you in motion is totally fine.

MonkeyBranchBuster · 2025-12-02T00:40:53+00:00

I believe we all went through it. Crying alone, or just sitting numb unable to get up from the bathroom floor. I really thought I will die, or perhaps go crazy. I had zero support, was completely alone for 6 months, couldn't sleep and if I did it was for an hour or two and I woke up with heart racing. Cheating was involved and she was heartless and cruel.

But good thing is your brain adapts to anything and one day, for me it was about 6 months it completely stopped and it's been 3 months since I consider myself over it.

Funny_Object_5538 · 2025-12-01T22:54:38+00:00

Truth is I think almost everyone of us understand the feeling. And there’s no words that we say that are gonna help the pain, but could help shorten it. You’re gonna feel it, all of it. You won’t die from feeling it. Only time is going to cure it, you can make that time shorter if you get to work on yourself. Don’t fight the grieving, and get yourself into therapy and the gym EVERYDAY right now

ImpermanentSelf · 2025-12-01T22:33:31+00:00

Go hike, cry when you need to cry. The squirrels and chipmunks won’t judge.

Immediate-Story2562 · 2025-12-01T22:30:02+00:00

Cry if you need to cry, shout into a pillow if you feel it helps. Exercise if it helps you sleep. Take the time to sit with this grief. Only way is through it not around it. Don't turn to drugs or alcohol.
It's going to be your toughest challenge but it will make you resilient beyond compare. Don't keep it in but take care in the anger phase of grief to not leave regrets. Good luck my guy!

Mysterious_Bet_461 · 2025-12-01T21:46:16+00:00

It’s gonna suck, but it is temporary. We’ve all gone through it (still going through it myself and making/enjoying - probably soon to be regretting - some fantastically terrible decisions).

Just remember, everything works its way toward balance. The depths of your sadness without her will definitely rival the heights of your happiness with her.

Can’t have one without the other…Gotta be grateful for both. Continue doing what you are doing & confront those feelings as they hit, sit with them and eventually they will fade….balance ☯️

gratefulstudent76 · 2025-12-01T21:35:04+00:00

It's so hard but it doesn't stay that hard forever. Hang in there. It's like having a really bad flu. You just have to kind of suffer through it but you eventually will feel better.

Rockatello · 2025-12-01T21:20:18+00:00

Hey man. As a fellow man, I understand what grief is, and right now you're in mourning. You're mourning the life you have, and the life you thought you'd have.

I've also been heartbroken before, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. That being said, it made me stronger, and it took years to sink in.

I guess, what I'm trying to say is, whatever the pain, whatever the obstacles, you can get through it.

We are in the high risk age bracket for men and self termination. Please don't even entertain thoughts like that (i know you're having them judging the the level of hurt in your post).

You got my support mate and if you need a friend you can DM me.

Western-Rush6680 · 2025-12-01T21:19:20+00:00

its all part of it man. marriage is the journey of life together..separation is limbo hell and the divorce is the final closure. and just so you know, the whole trope of strong vs weak men is bullshit. you are a man. regardless. and have feelings, regardless. and will process them how you need to regardless. dont hold yourself to strong and weak standards, it will drive you crazy. just go through the motions and do what u gotta do. it'll be okay, regardless

Helpful-Paramedic463 · 2025-12-01T21:18:36+00:00

Normal to feel like this. I ended up getting on Hydroxyzine which is used to treat anxiety. It's not an SSRI but more of a beaded up Benadryl. Absolutely helps me go to sleep and turn my brain off.

I did some crying on my way to work a lot. Especially hearing songs or other things. Or people talking about their family and them not knowing what I was going through.

Brother it's tough. Not gonna lie.

I highly recommend you sit down with your wife and lay the cards on the table. Truly let her know how you feel, what's been bothering you, EVERYTHING. Then let her do the same.

If you wanna work on it, that's great. If not, then go down that path. Neither are easy.

I was married 20 years and caught my wife having an affair with a co-worker. Starting over as a 45m and it was tough but I'm good now.

Title	Very quick question for support
Author	Aggravating_Chip3285
Upvotes	8
Comments	18
Date	December 1, 2025 9:11 PM UTC (7 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1pboz26/very_quick_question_for_support/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/very-quick-question-for-support.1567862 https://theredarchive.com/post/1567862

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