On the topic of dress codes...

I know this topic has died down a lot recently, but it's one that sticks with me.

First, to present the argument:

Dress codes are more strict on girls, more enforced against girls, and treats them as sexual objects who must "cover up" for the convenience of boys not being distracted. Girls have all these rules for how they dress. Boys only have a couple and are rarely enforced.

So my take on the women's side of this perspective is that, yeah, it's a little weird when a 70-year-old principal is telling 14 year old girls to "dress less sexy". And I don't think it should be women's job to alter themselves to convenience men.

I can also say that I very much was distracted by girls at that age. I mean they could have been wearing a coat and jeans and I would have been distracted, but it was certainly that much more distracting when she was in a thin strap top and short shorts.

Me reconciling the two of these things has been a bit of a process.

But onto the take of the male perspective.

I can't speak for all schools, but at my school, the dress code for girls was MUCH more lenient towards how girls dressed than for boys.

Girls: Shorts must reach the tips of the fingers if your arms are at your side.Boys: Shorts must cover the knee when sitting.

Girls: Sleeveless shirts must have straps at least 1 finger in width.Boys: Sleeves must reach the elbow.

Girls complained about their codes, but when we would talk about boys' codes, it was like "eh, we wouldn't want boys showing up with sleeveless shirts anyway. That's disgusting."

It makes you wonder which is better: Being treated as so inherently sexy that you have to cover up, or being treated as so inherently disgusting that you have to cover up.

But the main thing for me was that girls had so many more options to express themselves through clothing. Boys had jeans and a t-shirt. For me it was a button-up shirt and cargo pants in high school. It seemed less like the rules were enforced more on girls, and more like girls had options that could actually flirt with the lines of the dress code.

While I didn't dress up that much, I was still a little jealous that girls had so many options on how to change up their look. And that women's clothes also included men's clothes. I wasn't that interested in wearing women's clothes, but it still seemed like such a double standard that girls would complain that women back in the day couldn't wear pants, whenever guys these days only have pants as an option, and those very same girls didn't even stop to think about how the thing they're complaining about can also be applied in the opposite direction.

But then I started noticing this in other areas as well into adulthood. Namely formalwear. What are the details for men's and women's formalwear:

Women: Usually sleeveless, plunging chestline, often backless, in some cases a completely transluscent dress. Showing a lot of leg. Basically featuring the body's features however possible.

Men: Long pants. Long sleeves. 3 layers. Buttoned up to the top of the neck. Bonus points for a hat. And you look extra suave with gloves.

I've heard it said before that "a well taylored suit is like lingerie for men". But if you think about it, that means that while the sexiest thing a woman can do is show her body, the sexiest thing a man can do is cover everything but his face. And this has contributed to some of my struggles and insecurities of feeling like I'm a member of the "undesirable gender".

When Rihanna dressed up in basically underwear showing off her pregnant body, it was divisive. I say more power to her, and I like the statement it makes about pregnant bodies. Like I personally didn't find it super sexy or anything, but I don't have to find her sexy for her to be able to dress sexy.

But what really grinds me is when people say "it's men who criticize it", as though women weren't levying the same criticisms. "People shouldn't even have to think about it" as though we can pretend it wasn't going to be a divisive choice. But especially what gets me is the argument that "we only treat women this way".

What? What?! Could you imagine a guy with dad-bod showing up in a translucent top and underwear underneath? Like, you're kidding me with that argument, right?

It makes me recall all the female nudity in art classes, while there was a statue of a man in underwear which had to be taken down because "it made sexual assault victims feel threatened seeing a semi-nude male body". From the very same people in these art classes or studying the work of Georgia O'Keefe.

Or it makes me recall my humanities class. My professor talked about how the Greeks viewed men as having the most beautiful figure. The commentary was that that was sexist against women, while the modern commentary that women are the most beautiful is....also sexist against women.