My brother’s wife lied about birth control…

CharlieUpATree · 2023-02-01T09:25:26+00:00

We have two kids, I want a vasectomy, my wife wants a third because it's "always been her dream" though she's never told me about it prior to the other two (been together 20 years). Having a third would mean everything on hold for 5+ years, she'll want to be a sahm again whilst they're to young for school, we'd need a bigger or another car, we'd need a bigger house, we'd need a bigger income. But I'm the one being selfish. What about my dreams...

okcannasseur · 2023-02-01T06:04:23+00:00

Absolutely. Everyone wants abortion rights until you get to the dad's rights. Dads can't decide to have an abortion, can't decide not to have an abortion, and can't decide whether they pay for said kid if she doesn't have an abortion. Men should have every right to opt out of a child just like women do and NOT have to pay. Because let's be real, if she has a baby and doesn't want it, she probably won't have to pay child support at all

Women literally have ALL the rights.

My ex aborted a PLANNED baby because we got in a fight. I had no choice. And the. She asked me why I didn't call to stop her, well she cancelled the phone plan so I had no phone service. Just had to go to work, knowing my kid was being killed and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

The whole system is completely one sided and too easy to abuse.

Batdadv2 · 2023-02-01T09:17:42+00:00

Exact same thing happened to my brother, dude was already breaking his back being the sole breadwinner and raising 3 kids, then she decides to "forget" her birth control and have a 4th - they're understandably divorced now, but he's still paying child support for a child he couldn't afford to have in the first place. It's truly awful how little rights there are for men in that situation, and how little consequences for women.

PoliteCanadian · 2023-02-01T05:22:02+00:00

Lying to someone about using BC and having sex with them is rape by deception. It's no different from stealthing.

jokerfriend6 · 2023-01-31T23:17:20+00:00

There should be now deception in marriage, unfortunately there is with these types of women. Since the wife is likely gaslighting your nephew and nieces they will likely move in with him in their teenage years.

xcheshirecatxx · 2023-02-01T02:01:27+00:00

Men don't even own their own penis

Not a single place has banned circumcision of minors

alphasupremacy5555 · 2023-02-01T01:36:23+00:00

When a woman says she has no rights over her body she is lying through her teeth. It's men who don't have reproductive rights not women. When a woman gets pregnant she the man has no say.

When a woman gets pregnant if the father doesn't wants her to keep it he has no say and she can get an abortion and there's nothing to father could do about it.

When a woman gets pregnant and the father doesn't want to be a kid and would rather that be an abortion she can keep the child give birth and the father is forced to pay child support for a kid he doesn't want especially with a woman who lied about being on birth control.

Women lie about being on birth control all the time to baby trap men.

This is why you have to be extremely meticulous about the women you choose to be your wife and baby mama.

Best_Illustrator_137 · 2023-02-01T15:31:14+00:00

Men don’t even have the rights if a woman steals his sperm and puts it in herself without his knowledge..there’s no law against that, men have zero reproductive rights yet it’s so one sided..

WiiWynn · 2023-02-01T19:12:01+00:00

Several women I’ve slept with tried this shit on me. ‘I’m on birth control’. ‘I’m too old’. ‘Infertility runs in my family’.

Lol I’m no idiot. There’s some women that have taken the condom, but I always get the spermicide kind.

Be careful out there fellas. They get real desperate at some point and will resort to all sorts of toxic behaviors knowing full well there will be absolutely no repercussions.

No-Recognition-4033 · 2023-01-31T23:16:54+00:00

Wrap before you tap.

Couples should not stay together when they have conflicting goals.

RahXistahh · 2023-02-01T09:20:40+00:00

My older brother didn’t want any more children. He already has two amazing kiddos. His wife (now ex wife) lied about being on birth control, and they got pregnant.

SHE* got pregnant. Sorry man, I understand what you mean by "they got pregnant", as in they both have a child on the way. But in this day and age things are so weird that one has to make sure it is mutual understanding that women are the baby carriers for the first 9 months in order to decide whether it is viable continuing a conversation or just another lost cause.

The rest of your comment is pretty frustrating. Your brother shouldn't be paying any child support, his two firstborn should be at his care (I don't know if he wanted that or not but I'm assuming most dads wouldn't like to leave their loved children with a lying and manipulative scum of a mother). The 3rd child should be his choice to integrate in the family or not. My conservative christian beliefs tell me he should, but it's up to him and his beliefs. She should be the one paying child support. Mothers shouldn't have any right of custody of their children if they are the cause of a divorce, same way for fathers but that's pretty much what happens regardless.

ImprovementCareless9 · 2023-02-01T13:54:45+00:00

I really feel like this poor man should be able to take his wife to court and somehow relieve himself of financial responsibility to make it totally on her. A real shit situation tho cause it doesn’t sound like he’d want to risk his relationship with his daughter. My god, if a man did something even reminisce of this, he’d be in prison and labeled a sex offender and the rest of his life would be ruined forever.

gafgone5 · 2023-02-01T09:25:32+00:00

I can see these new laws being INCREDIBLY dangerous to women in the long run. How many will just decide "I can't pay CS if they can't find her"? Before shit gets reversed? The legal system in the western world is really not thinking anything through. Personally I know some individuals that are so fundamentally evil that 20 years in prison sounds like a cake walk compared to the damage they will do to others throughout their natural life.

Nobodyherem8 · 2023-02-01T05:32:41+00:00

A vasectomy would’ve been better than her going on birth control

lordluke10 · 2023-02-01T08:05:35+00:00

That is fucking heartbreaking. Feminists always say that men will dodge child support and not even be around, but this is a clear example of why reproductive rights both socially and legally are so important.

This is a productive member of society and a good father that couldn't just duck out, and his life got fucked up because a women decided her wishes were more important than this his life. Absolutely terrible

Only-Neighborhood468 · 2023-02-01T12:58:17+00:00

A woman complaining about not having “rights” over their body is always a self report.

OldSamVimes · 2023-02-01T13:16:20+00:00

I live in Canada and got a vasectomy free (already had 3 kids).

My wife seemed to think for awhile that if she had sex with me ferociously enough she could still get pregnant despite the vasectomy.

I didn't want to destroy her hope.

Lice138 · 2023-02-01T16:52:49+00:00

Any guy who doesn’t want kids shouldn’t rely on someone else to make sure that doesn’t happen. Women are people and are fully capable of not telling the truth

Exotic-Calligrapher5 · 2023-02-01T18:29:13+00:00

When women say we want rights what it actually means. “I want rights that benefit me and only me”

Njaulv · 2023-02-01T21:22:06+00:00

Also men have to sign up for the draft to get any actual "rights" that women automatically get. Plus debtors prisons were outlawed decades ago because they are seen as a human rights violation, but men can still be arrested and imprisoned over child support debt.

Sea_Platypus6327 · 2023-02-01T10:49:01+00:00

Tell him to get the snip, don't tell anyone people don't like it lol but honestly no need to worry anymore

NotMattDamien · 2023-02-01T10:06:13+00:00

I’m pretty sure this is why they are got rid of roe v wade. Because if women have full right only a matter of time before more men wise up and demand financial abortion. And big daddy government won’t allow that, they don’t want to pay for the child either. And single mother who don’t know dad are/will be a huge drain on the “system”.

anillop · 2023-02-01T14:37:58+00:00

He should have done the responsible thing and gotten a vasectomy, instead he relied on his wife to handle the birth control when he knew she wanted another child. He should have taken responsibility in the one way he could have with permanent sterilization once he was done with kids.

ehWoc · 2023-02-01T09:25:20+00:00

And that's why you use a condom.

Imissyourgirlfriend2 · 2023-01-31T23:54:00+00:00

While I offer condolences on your brother's situation, he really should have had the slip-and-stitch if he didn't want any more kids.

Never trust someone else with your potential reproduction. Always handle that shit personally.

needalife94 · 2023-02-01T05:45:56+00:00

This is one out of like like 20 reasons why i'm just done with dating right now. No it's not ALL because of women but some and some because of myself. And yes, I know cases like this might not happen a large percent of the time. I'm still not willing to take the risk even if there is a .5% chance this can happen.

If a wife can do this to a husband and think it's okay. What do you think a girlfriend will think ??

DaJosuave · 2023-02-01T08:01:57+00:00

Honestly though, even if you use "birth control" real men should know that sex leads to children and always CAN proceed to pregnancy.

Sex is literally for making babies. If you use birth control so be it, but honestly you should always be prepared for the natural cause of a baby after sex.

It could be much worse, imagine wanting to have the child and the woman aborting the child. That is an insane situation.

fonsoc · 2023-02-01T13:42:23+00:00

Maybe your brother should have got snipped

Cadaren99 · 2023-02-01T12:19:06+00:00

Ignoring the lying, why wouldn't he get a vasectomy?

pasta4u · 2023-02-01T13:02:05+00:00

If you already had the amount of kids you want then go and get a vasectomy.

toolsavvy · 2023-02-01T02:33:11+00:00

He is better off now, but pays child support for a child he never wanted.

Poor kid has two really foul parents. There's no good or "just" side in this story, stop trying to paint it like there is.

Acceptable_Visit604 · 2023-02-01T12:26:12+00:00

It's a sad reality, but what do we do about it?

keepsitfunky · 2023-02-01T13:20:01+00:00

Same thing happened to me. I love the 3rd. She’s awesome. But it was a huge breach of trust.

Oxetine · 2023-02-01T13:42:33+00:00

Dude should make sure all the kids are his if she acts that way...

youdneverknowit · 2023-02-01T14:10:26+00:00

friend of mine was denied the snip by his doctor as he’d have to get his wife’s consent… this is in england but he has been through the exact same situation. basically held hostage and told he would lose his kids and she would leave him if he didn’t agree to give her another child. he’s still with her and he’s now got another child. this world.

poopitydoop69 · 2023-02-01T14:24:46+00:00

yeah mine did too and now I just dont know how to feel about things anymore...I have troubles trusting others

agiganticpanda · 2023-02-01T14:51:19+00:00

I got a vasectomy when I realized I didn't want kids. Literally the best decision I've ever made.

Trev6ft5 · 2023-02-01T18:04:00+00:00

I think any man who puts his trust in ANY women to not get pregnant is asking for trouble. Don't want kids wear a condom (and wash the used rubber out in the bathroom) or get the snip, don't be so bloody gullible we all know women lie in general.

Catch-the-Rabbit · 2023-02-01T19:23:18+00:00

Why was a vasectomy not an option?

McFeely_Smackup · 2023-02-02T17:16:27+00:00

Ask around to the married couples you know with kids. Ask how many of them planned all of their pregnancies, and how many had a "well we were using birth control, but oops happens!" children?

we're told that female birth control is 98% effective...but that statistic is calling a LOT of women liars. The number of women who will insist they were using the pill but got pregnant accidentally is about 20x higher than the 2% number would have you expect.

BaconCatBug · 2023-02-01T13:19:29+00:00

Your brother chose to get married. He made his bed, he doesn't get to complain when someone shits in it.

Glennus626 · 2023-02-01T14:38:51+00:00

Unpopular opinion here but I kind of feel like he is a little selfish. Yeah she lied, divorce her for that. But he seems to have an awfully big chip on his shoulder about one of his own offspring. It just kind of feels like he's screaming that she ruined his life by bringing this third kid in, but then oh don't worry he has a great relationship with the kid. I think doesn't add up for me.

Glad-Discount-4761 · 2023-02-01T03:33:23+00:00

Damn what is exactly is wrong if he stays in marriage especially he mentioned he loves his third child and have good relationship with mom

randonumero · 2023-02-01T13:57:02+00:00

I feel for him but I doubt there were no signs before she did this. In addition, as a married man who didn't want kids, he should have gotten a vasectomy. As men we don't talk about it a lot but a vasectomy is really the only way men can control not getting a woman pregnant. As a husband it's a better long term birth control solution as than many options available to women. While I think it's more trouble than it's worth and would potentially harm his relationship with his kids, many states have reproductive coercion laws. It doesn't get you off the hook for child support but the same laws that punish stealthing can be used to punish women who lie about birth control, poke holes in condoms...

FWIW, I know a guy whose wife tried to do this. Their marriage was failing and the kids they had were going into middle school. A huge source of contention was with the kids in middle school, he wanted her to go back to work. She initially agreed but then wanted to get another degree which he refused since he was still paying off her student loan debt. In the end he got a vasectomy and she started working part time. I guess what I'm saying is to know your wife/partner, know your situation and know that many people don't want to change. His wife wanted another kid so she wouldn't have to work. Some other people, men and women, want more kids because they think it'll force the other person to stay. If your relationship or life is having issues or going through changes maybe keep it in your pants

Title	My brother’s wife lied about birth control…
Author	carpeCactus
Upvotes	820
Comments	192
Date	January 31, 2023 11:10 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/10qdkdk/my_brothers_wife_lied_about_birth_control/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/my-brothers-wife-lied-about-birth-control.1150516 https://theredarchive.com/post/1150516

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