Femininity and Assertiveness

hyperrreal · 2014-12-29T23:11:08+00:00

I don't see sweetness and directness as being mutually exclusive. Direct communication means being precise, open and honest. Sweetness is being pleasant, delightful and appropriate. You can be both.

My boss right now is a woman, and she is both direct and sweet. Her leadership style is assertive but still distinctly feminine and appropriate. It's definitely possible to resolve the contradiction you bring up. And I think many successful women do just that in their personal and professional lives.

sh1v · 2014-12-29T23:49:59+00:00

They actually have a term for being able to do both at once, it's called tact.

FleetingWish · 2014-12-30T04:26:41+00:00

I think you have no idea what a red pill woman is, and fall for the common trap of thinking that they are "doormats". Rule number 1 of being a "first mate" is to tell your captain what's going on. So, that means using our words and "communicating". You can actually communicate without sounding condescending, hostile, or being "assertive". It just means saying, "I need your help because I have an issue". Notice how asking for help is being submissive, because it's admitting to weakness and vulnerability, while simultaneous being able to say directly that there is in fact a problem.

ECoast_Man · 2014-12-29T23:31:46+00:00

I know what you're getting at but your reframing the question in my opinion.

Sweet does not equal doormat. It means a woman who is considerate of her SO, not just her hamster, and knows how to politely be 'direct' if a certain issue is bothering her. It is not contrary to being sweet to raise legitimate grievances. It is contrary to storm in there like Big Fucking Red and make demands.

I don't think it is as difficult as you think. Thinking back, I have reacted much more positively to kind requests by SOs than by being fucking yelled at (not having deserved it of course : p ).

ExpendableOne · 2014-12-30T19:00:13+00:00

I don't see the link at all. It is entirely possible to be sweet, nice, caring and empathetic(both in terms of who you are and how you present yourself), while still being able to communicate effectively or be direct. A person can be very direct in the way she will say or express sweet things. Even you were to see these two things as entirely mutually exclusive, the answer really kind of depends on the context or situation. Some situations, being direct is more important than being sweet, because it's vital to get that information out right-away. Some situations, sweet is more endearing and conductive to a better relationship. I like both, in their own ways, but wouldn't qualify either as being emasculating or dominant either(a woman could be direct and still be submissive or sweet and still be dominant).

winndixie · 2014-12-31T19:30:00+00:00

To me it goes hand in hand.

No it doesn't. One can communicate and be docile.

Just cause it's hard to do doesn't mean the man has only one choice.

We_Are_Legion · 2014-12-29T23:36:08+00:00

This is a problem only faced by women who have mastered neither.

wombatinaburrow · 2014-12-30T12:17:44+00:00

There is a certain type of person (usually older men) who take umbrage at "taking orders" from a woman. My mother in law was an army matron, and those soldiers ate, shat and took their meds when she told them. She's sweet and warm, but not at work. If a soldier couldn't handle a woman telling him to get back to bed for his dressings to be changed, then that was his problem, because he fucking well did as he was told, whether he liked it or not.

wazzup987 · 2014-12-30T02:11:28+00:00

Assertiveness every time but i'm not RP.

l_____o_____l · 2014-12-30T12:25:40+00:00

Assertiveness is inherently direct and dominating. It literally means being willing to stick up for yourself in the face of contrary or different opinions and push your opinion if it is the correct one. It is absolutely a form of dominance-play.

I couldnt agree with the OP more.

GridReXX · 2014-12-29T23:43:52+00:00

Are "direct" and "assertive" the same thing? I feel like im missing something

relationshipdownvote · 2014-12-29T23:24:39+00:00

An RPW would do a better job of explaining it, but it boils down to importance. If it's something like not leaving my shoes in the middle of the floor, I don't want directness or assertiveness. If it comes to something that really matters to her, lets say taking a trip with a female friend, or some thing that's going to really bother her if I go and she's just going to keep bringing it up passive aggressively because it really bothers her, I want her to be direct and tell me exactly how it makes her feel before I make my decision.

[deleted] · 2014-12-30T00:56:45+00:00

I think you will find that RPW is mostly about combating what men would describe as "irritating behavior". Men do not like to be bossed around and like to be treated with respect(As they define it).

You should never act in a way that his friends would describe him as being pussy whipped.

Men like to make their own decisions, they don't need to be told what to do and then constantly reminded of it until they do whatever you told them.

JaxSwagger · 2014-12-30T05:33:00+00:00

Can a first mate speak plainly to their captain?

Of course they can. That sounds like a perfect first mate actually.

Title	Femininity and Assertiveness
Author	GridReXX
Upvotes	6
Comments	50
Date	December 29, 2014 11:01 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/2qr94f/femininity_and_assertiveness/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/femininity-and-assertiveness.283954 https://theredarchive.com/post/283954

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