Who are worse bullies, men or women?

Equalina · 2018-05-25T10:08:58+00:00

I don’t think one is worse. I think it’s so individual and comes in many forms. Usually bullying occurs within a gender it seems, so it’s hard to compare them equally. I think women are more likely to be psychological bullies, and men more physical - but physical bullying can also feel very psychological...I would say they’re equally damaging if prolonged.

I’m not sure these incidents count as bullying, but here are some personal anecdotes.

I was slapped by a girl in elementary and middle school and punched by two boys. Punches hurt a lot more. But I didn’t feel truly psychologically scarred by any of them. I guess because they weren’t constant bullies - more of the one off, hot headed types. The girl slapped me for being friends with another girl she didn’t like - so, jealousy. She had ignored me for days, talked behind my back and then when I didn’t get upset by this or retaliate she slapped me for not caring more about her than the other girl. Even at that age, I was aware she was troubled and knew her older brother could be a bully to her - so I sort of felt sympathy for her and didn’t take it too personally. She punched me hard in the arm once too when I didn’t do what she wanted. I didn’t stay friends with her for long.

The boys punched for different reasons. One was just a random boy I barely knew existed who obviously liked me and was angry I didn’t acknowledge him the same way. I don’t even remember how it happened - he just punched me in the stomach out of the blue. I would have been 10 years old. My dad actually saw the punch and gave the boy a real verbal dressing down, which somehow got him in trouble with the boys mother and then the school... The other boy was my cousin who was truly bullied by his older brother and I was annoying him about something so he lashed out and punched me hard in the stomach. It really hurt and no one else saw - and no one believed me. That is probably the one that bothered me most psychologically. He was (still is) my favourite cousin and I didn’t understand his violence. And the fact that no one believed me, or thought I was exaggerating, made me feel bad. Years later he apologised for taking it out on me - I was just a smaller, weaker person he could hurt after he was being made to feel small and weak by his brother.

Thankfully, I’ve never experienced long term bullying. The couple of people I know who did, were certainly emotionally damaged by it as teenagers and it caused them problems that lasted many years. In the case of an aunt, who was bullied by both boys and girls for her size (tall and heavy) and poor academic performance as a teenager, she has never gotten over it and talks about it still at almost 70 years old. She’s suffered terrible anxiety all her life. The cousin who punched me and was bullied by his brother, is ok now, but went through a rough period with drugs and panic attacks in his early 20s. I don’t see a difference in which gender dishes it out worse, but it’s incredibly damaging to the victims psyche.

DemonConsulting · 2018-05-25T08:46:12+00:00

Girls who bully tend to be great in social manipulation and do all the “mean“ things when no authority figure is watching. They also usually bully in groups and work on making their target a social outcast to the point where it just looks to the teacher or parents like that kid is the weird one who doesn't want to integrate and you can't pinpoint the instigator when it's just the entire class being disgusted by one child and coming up with a million reasons why they don't like them. Additionally most adults don't monitor their kids' online behavior so cyberbullying quickly goes unnoticed.

The way boys bully is more violent and because of that more noticable. It's also usually a smaller number of bullies attacking one kid but at the same time they are still socially excluded from the group. It seems to be easier for teachers to notice and address so this is what is usually seen as traditional bullying.

As a whole I would say the psychological part of being excluded and “everyone“ hating you (on the bullys' command) is what is most damaging in the long run. How strong this component is depends on the individual case though I'd say it is more common in girls or mixed groups with at least one girl in charge bullying persistantly for years to the point where their victims have clinical depression and even attempt to committ suicide.

Salty-Bastard · 2018-05-25T06:03:56+00:00

Is there a lot of cross gender bullying going on?

xtsv · 2018-05-25T13:49:46+00:00

Humans are certainly the worst.

homegirl93 · 2018-05-25T14:37:22+00:00

I was psychologically bullied by both genders growing up. Honestly, it hurt more coming from guys once middle school (puberty) hit, and probably caused or contributed to me seeking shit men in the past, ha.

But girls are way more mean. Last night I had a flashback dream about a bullying incident that happened to me in middle school (perpetrator was a girl) and I woke up crying. I'm 24 FFS haha.

Let's teach our kids to not bully, regardless of gender. It can mess people up for life.

truedemocracy3 · 2018-05-25T18:36:32+00:00

I'd say at a net boy bullies are worse. I went to a poor school in a poor state and had a ton of kids in my class from broken homes that behaved like shit and physical bullying from boys would suck. Only thing from girls would be getting fake asked out, or maybe something like "ew" when talking about you which also hurt to the core but the 90% number seems about right.

vagbutters · 2018-05-26T09:37:26+00:00

I'd say they're both par for the course, but male bullies tend to be worse in terms of how badly their victims are affected.

blackedoutfast · 2018-05-26T22:32:47+00:00

women are mean as hell.

i know "studies" may say that men do more psychological bullying, but that may be skewed by differences in male-male and female-female forms of socializing.

males tend to do a lot of superficially mean things to each other that is really good-natured at its core- ball busting, teasing, pranks, trash talking, your mama jokes, etc. a lot of this stuff could easily be confused with bullying, especially in younger boys who haven't quite mastered the subtle details of social interaction.

and on the other side, a lot of girl-on-girl bullying is superficially nice or complimentary. lots of backhanded compliments and very subtle jabs that slip by and wouldn't be noticed by anyone except the victim. I mean, i've heard one girl somehow insult a different girl by talking about how thin she was and had such a great figure.

pinkgoldrose · 2018-05-25T12:54:41+00:00

Men. There's this stereotype that women do more relational aggression (excluding, talking behind the back, damaging a reputation, etc.) than men, but studies show it's not true. Men do more physical, verbal, direct violence and they also do more relational aggression, so with both things compounded, men are definitely the worst bullies.

Edit: This question could be settled by a quick Google search, but instead we have to sit here and watch the circlejerk of people spreading the false stereotype that girls do more psychological bullying.

In Norway

"The study concludes that boys to a larger degree than girls practice both direct and indirect bullying."

USA

“Mean girls”-style behavior declined significantly from grade six to 12, but of the group of students reporting “high aggression," some 66.7 percent were boys. [...] “People say, ‘well, boys are physically aggressive, but girls are aggressive in their relationships,’ and it just does seem to be a myth.”

Several countries

As shown, boys reported being more physically aggressive than girls but no gender differences emerged for relational aggression. [...] As shown, in all nine countries, the percentage of boys in the highly physically aggressive group was larger than the percentage of girls in the highly physically aggressive group [...]. In six of the countries, the percentage of boys in the highly relationally aggressive group was larger than the percentage of girls in the highly relationally aggressive group, whereas in three countries, the percentage of girls in the highly relationally aggressive group was larger than the percentage of boys in the highly relationally aggressive group [...].

DaMuchi · 2018-05-25T05:52:12+00:00

Physical bullying is taken more seriously so it's reported in more often. Social or psychological bullying actually reported may not even be counted in in the statistic. Social and psychological bullying is worse because it spreads like wildfire. Getting socked in the jaw is better than the popular girl making the whole school hate you for no reason.

YetAnotherCommenter · 2018-05-25T06:43:23+00:00

I can't fairly compare given that I went to a single-sex high school, but I was bullied atrociously.

As I see it the difference is one of means. Both sexes bully but generally different ways. It should be added that physical bullying comes with social bullying... all bullying is about social ostracism, subjugation and humiliation. It isn't like the jock buys the nerd a coke after punching said nerd in the face.

Women tend to bully more covertly, with more passive-aggressive and more "polite to your face, stab you in the back." But this can still be atrociously painful. With men its more overt, and physical violence is often added into the equation.

PuleaSpataru69 · 2018-05-25T07:53:11+00:00

Girls who bully you are a million times worse. I've been beaten up by an ex bf but I've also been mentally tortured by a girl for years. The psychological one is much worse.

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mydikishomofobik · 2018-05-25T10:12:12+00:00

Men are more straight forward and violent. Women are more behind-your-back and subliminal. A lot of times its hard to tell if a woman is bullying. Female bullies will tend to get men to do their dirty work, so that it can result in a man getting his skull smashed in (cause he listened to the fuck-shit spread by the female bully and got confrontational).

MercedesBenzoAMG · 2018-05-25T10:40:32+00:00

Boys bully physically, girls bully psychologically.

allweknowisD · 2018-05-25T11:53:49+00:00

I don’t think you can really pinpoint what one is worse. It’s more an individual experience. There is definitely differences in how girls and boys will bully others, but both forms of bullying are damaging.

Even physical abuse can have psychological affects, and physical bullying can result in feeling alone, ostracised and lower self esteem etc.

So I’d consider both incredibly damaging.

SweeterPickles · 2018-05-25T11:59:34+00:00

I was bullied a lot, and almost exclusively by boys. If you want to call girls not paying attention to me bullying, then sure, but plenty of girls also took pity on me so I call that a wash.

Xholica · 2018-05-25T12:06:49+00:00

I think women are less likely to bully overtly. They can engage in a vicious pattern of behaviour that is very difficult to prove as a case of bullying, men are usually more obvious.

I wasn't bullied particularly, but most bullying as a teenager is same gender ime. When cross-gender bullying does happen I think boys/men are less likely to have the social skills to handle it well. The degree of 'badness ' with girls varies highly, my high school was pretty clique-y at times so few girls were universally popular and your group could have a big insulating effect.

goatismycopilot · 2018-05-25T12:14:31+00:00

Women will exclude, whisper behind your back, and use less direct method. In any core group of bully women there will always be a leader who is directly bitchy so if you can take out the leader in that scenario the rest will scuttle away. I have seen that dynamic at work. Men will mostly come at your directly and test you with insults verbally. However men can be passive aggressive as well, if you challenge them directly they will claim they were just joking or you misunderstood. I was going to say men are more likely to be violent but there has been a rise in physically aggressive women. One of the subs I participate in regularly for my specific city had a you tube video of two women getting out of their cars at a red light to have a scuffle.

RMWristclutch · 2018-05-25T12:24:54+00:00

Male bullies are more intimidating because they're usually popular kids or future criminals and usually bring friends.

Though as a guy, you can't do anything to female bullies without a zillion white knights galloping to her rescue, so there's that too.

pinkgoldrose · 2018-05-25T12:32:59+00:00

One is not worse than the other; boys and girls bully in different ways.

Frm girls in high school and grade school, I received not an ounce of pity or sympathy.

TheGreasyPole · 2018-05-25T12:33:28+00:00

Define worse ?

You’re right that boys are more physically bullied and girls are more socially bullied.

That means if worse is “actual physical damage” boys are worse.

OTOH, boys have an immediate and usable way out. Fight back. Hit him in the face. Even if you lost the fight, he won’t be back often if on each occasion you hit him in the face. Women don’t have this way out.

I just don’t think these can be directly compared reasonably. If you twisted my arm I’d say girls are marginally worse, partly because boys can get out of it easier, there is no easy solution for girls... and partly because the girl version generally continues way into their adulthood in a way it doesn’t for boys).

I’d also say you’ll find 95% of boys were bullied by boys and 95% of girls by girls.... because of what bullying IS (an attempt to dominate you within your sexes dominance heirarchy).

There is no real reason for boys to bully girls and vice versa as it doesn’t help with what the bully wants (to move up, or stay high, in his/her sexes dominance heirarchy by pushing you down and showing he/she’s “above you”).

wtknight · 2018-05-25T13:16:36+00:00

I don’t think that there’s any difference in the intensity and frequency of men and women being bullies. I just think that the style of bullying is different.

[deleted] · 2018-05-25T13:31:33+00:00

My worst bully was a girl who physically bullied me. It was purely physical, but she did it when no one was looking. Shoved me into walls, stomped on my toes, pushed back my fingers, and cackled while she did it. I was in 3rd grade. She was evil.

Madness20 · 2018-05-25T14:15:20+00:00

I think boys might be more prone to bully each others physically specially when they're at the "top" of an environment, the most powerful he feels, the more prepotent he is, but most will eventually be punished sooner or later for it because they'll end up either bullying the wrong guys or being bullied by even bigger jerks.

Girls on the other way, i find are a lot less punished socially for bullying other girls or even weak men, these types actually usually are very "popular" and tend to be the so called "dominant" women on the school.

[deleted] · 2018-05-25T15:34:51+00:00

Well, which one is worse probably depends on which one you're better at defending yourself from.

I've always had good enough instincts that if a girl tried to turn people against me, I could turn the tables on her, to where she'd be the one facing criticism and only isolating herself.

I unfortunately turned out to have no defenses in place against being thrown in a dumpster or shoved in a locker.

openoids · 2018-05-25T17:29:43+00:00

Consider my sister in law. She withholds attention from people she wants to alienate. She never says a cross word...I'd prefer she punched instead.

mwait · 2018-05-25T17:44:37+00:00

Definitely women. Hands down.

mistercheeez-o____O- · 2018-05-25T22:15:30+00:00

Avoided most of the bait from girls growing up, so they didn't have an opportunity to bully me anyway. I also never got very active on social media, so I haven't experienced cyber bullying. I have experienced some disheartening behaviours from them such as; taunting, rumors and the like. That does not qualify as bullying to me though.

So I would say that the bullying that I faced were from boys growing up.

pulsarkid · 2018-05-30T07:56:27+00:00

Neither are worse, but their methods are different.

Women = social violation. Men = abuse of force.

RichieFinn · 2018-05-25T14:00:23+00:00

Listen, last time I checked there was a movie called Mean Girls.....never heard a movie called Mean Boys. Argument solved.

Title	Who are worse bullies, men or women?
Author	aretheyaliens
Upvotes	5
Comments	62
Date	May 25, 2018 5:30 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/8lzco2/who_are_worse_bullies_men_or_women/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/who-are-worse-bullies-men-or-women.262244 https://theredarchive.com/post/262244

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