Do many people actually settle?

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2018-12-06T02:35:38+00:00

Anytime a person with options makes a choice they settle to some extent because they preclude every other possible thing out there.

So what? Why are you neurotic messes even thinking about this. Meet someone good enough, fuck them and move in together.

poppy_blu · 2018-12-06T01:54:20+00:00

We all settle. Or rather we all compromise.

Every woman would love rich charismatic 10 who always says and does the right thing and never looks or even thinks about another woman.

Every man would love a doting but hot 10 whose never too tired for sex and always puts his needs first.

No one gets their ideal. We all compromise. It’s a matter of degree.

Compromising does not mean you’re not happy, you’re not attracted, you’re not committed, etc. It means you grew the fuck up enough to realize trade offs are the reality of the world, perfection/ideals don’t exist, life can be still be wonderful with an imperfect person and whining till the cows come home about how “unfaaaaaaaar!” it is will not magically make supermodels want to date you.

RockinSocksII · 2018-12-06T01:55:28+00:00

The people who feel they have to be in a relationship usually end up settling in my personal observations. The people who are okay with being single end with someone is good for them.

321PK · 2018-12-06T03:59:24+00:00

Well nobody gets everything they want just the way they want it. Even I can n tell that already. But they get on with life despite that. I guess that’s what Reddit calls “settling.”

OfSpock · 2018-12-06T02:35:21+00:00

Yes, everybody settles.

I say this all the time on here and no one listens to me

Nodoxxintoxin · 2018-12-06T03:14:27+00:00

Noone gets a perfect human being. No one gets Prince Charming or whatever fairytale they have been told. So if you define settling as not getting a perfect person, or settling means the person you end up with doesn’t check off every box on the imaginary wish list that you made when you were 16, we all settle.

If we marry someone we aren’t especially compatible with because we are afraid to be alone, or because it’s what was expected out of us, maybe we settle.

Even people who settle can still be pretty happy sometimes. I’ve seen people talk about their arranged marriages who seem really genuinely happy, while others are miserable. They basically settle for who their parents choose. Other people like Prince Charles marry a beautiful, well bred, virtuous and fertile young woman. He settled and was unhappy. What he really wanted was to be with his old, post wall, menopausal, married mistress.

I think if we keep an open mind, sometimes we can even end up with someone who can be very different than the kind of person we thought we would end up with, someone who has qualities and traits we didn’t even know we wanted or needed.

openoids · 2018-12-06T02:53:19+00:00

I think most of us have a switch that seems to go "on" when someone clicks with us. Face it- our body "wants" to feel love because it feels so good when it's returned. I even recall having my heart broke because a woman I had a crush on was moving away. First I thought "well...a year from now it won't hurt so bad as she fades from memory." But then I felt like I'd possibly even feel worse simply because being enchanted is soooo reinforcing.

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verticordia · 2018-12-06T04:05:40+00:00

I fucking hope not. I have settlephobia. I think it's cause I'm young so hopefully I grow out of it. I would rather die alone than settle, or be settled for. I know about trade offs and I'm not expecting a 10/10 billionaire young and sexy Narco with a heart of gold that's obsessed with me and spoils me etc.

But I think a guy who's street smart but not sociopath, good looking, comfortable in his masculinity, and willing to at least perform a couple romantic gestures every once in a while and also isn't twice my age isn't too much to ask of considering I'm an attractive former drug dealer that is comfortable being feminine and very appreciative of romantic gestures and absolutely am not one of those girls that will nitpick when people try to do nice things for them.

I think I've been exposed to too much incel talk. Incels make it seem like any woman asking for anything better than ugly and poor even if the woman in question is beautiful and rich. A woman wanting anything even close to "chad" is unthinkable.

KikiYuyu · 2018-12-06T04:42:57+00:00

I think it really depends on the person, and whether or not they themselves are very cynical. My closest example are my parents. I think my father thinks he settled, while I know my mom well enough to know she truly loved him. My father is detached and cynical, but my mom has always been an emotional optimist.

kandyapplez · 2018-12-06T07:56:52+00:00

settling TO ME implies that you had options but didn't picked the bottom tier from those options. in that sense no i think most people end up with someone who makes sense for them.

Kittennoodle · 2018-12-06T09:58:27+00:00

What does "settling" even mean? I look at it as realizing yourself and letting go of the ego. Settling.... Am I a virgin settling for another virgin? C'mon! Let's not kid. Cynasism.

My husband introduced me to this forum and so far, I'm pretty appalled. Most of these questions can be answered by the original poster acknowledging his/her own posts.

sse23 · 2018-12-06T12:53:53+00:00

All relationships are a compromise on at least some levels. So in that sense everyone in a relationship has to settle. On the other hand "settle" implies that you would have had a better option. And unless you willingly choose the "worst" option, I don't think you say you settled for someone.

[deleted] · 2018-12-06T22:10:11+00:00

You can justify anything to yourself so it doesn't matter. Just tell yourself you did well enough times and you'll start to believe it.

Barely-moral · 2018-12-06T01:49:06+00:00

I think it is common.

And it ends badly unless the person that is settling is rational enough to put reason over feelings.

sadomasochrist · 2018-12-06T02:02:36+00:00

Settling is innate to sexual selection in the way that affluent people conceptualize it. R and K selection aren't binary, settling is the outcome of that fact.

[deleted] · 2018-12-06T21:07:45+00:00

No one gets everything they want, really.

Everyone compromises. I think a lot of people settle.

To me, the difference between compromising and settling is: in a compromise, you get most of what you want, and what you "gave up" are things you can mostly live without or do without.

When you "settle", you had to give up something you really wanted, and you experienced some pain when you did. You couldn't "compromise". You had to go further and "settle".

Compromising is ok, and everyone does this. Settling is bad. If you had to settle, it's because you made a poor decision for one reason or another, or you were at a disadvantageous bargaining position.

Title	Do many people actually settle?
Author	Whodunnit88
Upvotes	2
Comments	111
Date	December 6, 2018 1:40 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/a3j4zn/do_many_people_actually_settle/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-many-people-actually-settle.258710 https://theredarchive.com/post/258710

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