Only attracted to dominant masculine men - help

pearlsandstilettos · 2025-04-27T16:47:25+00:00

Attention RPW: advice needs to be actionable for the OP. Anything telling her she's hit the wall (without actionable advice) will be removed.

Jenneapolis · 2025-04-27T17:06:21+00:00

So I’m like this too but was able to figure a way around it. You have to challenge yourself on some of this. Like “texting too much.” That’s not a sign of non-dominance. My boyfriend is dominant but more of a quiet, stoic type. At first when texting, I was also a bit turned off and worried he wasn’t alpha enough. But I gave him a chance and discovered he was legitimately a nice guy who was trying to make sure he got to know me as a person before jumping into a dominant persona and I’m very lucky I stuck with it.

A man who is outwardly too alpha is most likely looking for sex only. He’s aggressive with you exactly because he doesn’t care if he loses you or not. He’s not in it for the long haul so is playing the numbers game. A man who cares IS going to step a little more cautiously and that’s what you want.

Now you should vet for dudes who can’t hold eye contact, are unemployed, live at home, etc. But there is a middle ground. Challenge yourself to vet out men who don’t have the ability to lead but also give those with some green flags the chance to grow into dominance with you, at least over a 3 dates or so.

_Pumpkin_Muffin · 2025-04-27T22:38:28+00:00

I said in another comment that I think you have a high dominance threshold. Basically, you need a man to be very dominant to feel attracted to him and for him to inspire your submission. It means you're looking for a specific kind of man, which might make your pool naturally smaller... but there's nothing wrong with a high threshold.

BUT. It seems it's very easy for you to lose respect or even feel repulsed by very minor shows of "weakness". It's not uncommon in women with a high dominance threshold, from what I've seen. I'd be careful not to make your pool even smaller by "getting the ick" over trivial things and disqualifying perfectly good men for the wrong reasons. This is not a standard, it's a gut reaction that needs to be evaluated. Not being able to make eye contact? Yeah, ok. Texting too much? Well... maybe he just wants to get to know you? Maybe he's even feeling a bit unsure himself? You can't disqualify men for being HUMAN, they'll have their insecurities and anxieties and they'll make their mistakes. At some point, part of being submissive is accepting a man's stumbles with grace and trust.

The kind of man who'll pretend to be this epitome of unwavering confidence, never-have-a-doubt, never-make-a-mistake, is playing. It can be a fun game, but it rarely lasts.

Maybe give these men some room to grow more confident with you. Be agreeable. Go on second dates unless it's really a NO.

Altruistic-Put-5306 · 2025-04-27T16:56:03+00:00

A masculine man is independent, physically/mentally strong, in control of himself, confident, assertive, sets clear boundaries, takes the lead, provides for his family, etc...(traits of my 82 year old father). I see no reason why anyone wouldn't be attracted to that. The problem I see with some women is that they confuse anger, controlling, overbearing, and abusive behavior with dominance and masculinity.

RedPillDad · 2025-04-27T22:14:08+00:00

Two ends of the dysfunctional male spectrum. On one side there's the thirsty simps trying to curry favor. On the other are the players trying to score quick and hit eject. There are 'normal' guys with decent values who have their life together and have maintained masculine strengths, but they're harder to find. Good luck OP.

neveragoodtime · 2025-04-27T16:28:50+00:00

You’ve already identified your issue, the next step is self care and therapy to overcome it. You are not attracted to men who show you too much long term attraction. You are attracted to men who come on strong and show you short term attraction. You have defined red pill masculinity as men who treat you a certain way that is not healthy for long term commitment, which is your ultimate goal. There are in fact, strong confident men who show their partner their due affection and appreciation. If you’re not able to accept that from your man, then what you’re saying is you want to control your man and the emotions he is allowed to express. That is the opposite of submission, that’s an expression of your dominance.

You say you are submissive, but then say you can’t submit to someone who is not a strong leader. That is a sign of someone who wants to be dominated, not someone who wants to submit. What you are saying is that you are not good at submission and need a strong leader to be able to keep you in line. The men you want are not going to be interested in playing that game with you for long term commitment. For some short term sex, most men can put on this dog and pony show that you crave. But for long term relationships, most men are going to want to come home and have a woman put a beer in his hand without having to try and impress her.

If you want a long term commitment, then you need to find a man with the qualities that make him fit for long term relationships and submit to that. You’ve decided to submit to a masculine caricature that you find sexy, and your results speak for themselves.

HiAlternative4050 · 2025-04-27T15:46:56+00:00

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Antique_Mountain_263 · 2025-04-28T17:13:48+00:00

I know several masculine guys who are military/ex-military, police, do construction/contracting, etc. Traditionally masculine fields. My husband is friends with them and though most are married, the single ones go to the gym, go to nice grocery stores that offer prepared meals, they attend church, and they actually go to nice breweries/bars sometimes. Maybe you can look there.

They will want to know why you are divorced though. If it’s for a good reason and you’re in shape and have your life together, you’d have a good shot with some of them.

I feel like most of us would say we are attracted to masculine men. It probably takes time to find the good ones at this age.

pearlsandstilettos · 2025-04-27T15:56:22+00:00

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Adventurous-Elk8665 · 2025-04-28T10:01:44+00:00

I relate

ArtifactFan65 · 2025-04-30T09:17:16+00:00

Most men aren't alpha. And alpha guys are less likely to be interested in single mothers compared to more submissive guys.

Your best odds will be going after divorced single dads.

Wife_and_Mama · 2025-04-27T15:52:55+00:00

What age range are you dating in? If you're a single mom, early 30s, you need to be dating men in their late 30s and early 40s. Those are the dominant men who will date you, not the 32-year-old who can get a childless 20-something.

The good news is, you don't seem too put off by some inevitabilities of aging, like being balding or not being super fit. You want financial success, which is more common for older men. I would suggest you not date anyone under 37 or 38 at this stage of life. Prepare for divorcees and single dads. Craft a concise and accurate explanation of your own divorce and be prepared to share. These men will often be divorced by women who just absolutely screwed them over, as far as they're concerned. They're gonna want to know why it didn't work out (speaking as a divorcee). They also won't be super clingy if they have their own kids and, while I hate to shame an entire generation, if they aren't Gen Z, which is kind of known for the men you describe. Young Gen Xers or older Millennials are much more likely to possess the confidence you crave.

saintdaffy · 2025-04-27T16:09:24+00:00

simping makes me ick into oblivion too, too passive and agreeable for me. but it will be fine you'll just have to narrow your pool to other divorced/single dads that are older than you since ones near your age can still possibly get with a childless woman in her 20s

yoyo2334785 · 2025-04-28T14:43:14+00:00

As a divorced single mom you have to also understand your pool of men is smaller. The men you are looking for have more SMV

LateralThinker13 · 2025-04-28T18:44:30+00:00

I am not at all attracted to anyone unless they're naturally dominant / masculine/ confident.

Okay, and? You act like a shocked feminist discovering her biological needs trump her sociologically constructed pseudo-reality.

Like literally no interest if I feel like he's simping, texting too often, can't flirt due to lack of confidence, etc.

Duh. Nobody wants these men. Women become the Sahara desert, and other men shrug and turn away from them.

I turn heads everywhere I go but I am only attracting weak men who lack confidence.

Gonna call BS on this one. If you turn heads, but only get weak beta attention, it's because either a) there ARE no strong available men near you, or b) you aren't turning as many heads as you think you do (i.e. common female overvaluation of her SMV). Let's see which it is.

On the other hand the men that I would call masculine/confident are clearly only trying to get one thing from me.

Sounds like someone needs to visit Hoe_math.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lL13EeEhgag&t=1225s

What you're describing is that you're a sweeper, not a keeper.

I feel like I am rejecting everyone because I am either not into them at all

Checks out. Your self-evaluation of your SMV is MUCH higher than your actual SMV. So you reject/ignore/don't even SEE the men who are at your level, and only fixate on the men who are much higher SMV and how you can pull (but not land) these men. Classic.

I cannot for the life of me figure out what I'm doing wrong. I should add that having some financial success is also important to me.

So you want a man who can also provide. What woman in her 30s doesn't?

I don't care if he's short fat bald, just be confident and have something going on in your life that makes me think you have some leadership qualities/can provide.

I'm gonna call BS on this one. You THINK that, intellectually, but these men (short, fat, bald) are invisible to you, I guarantee it. And you don't even realize it.

I want to submit to someone but I need to feel dominance to submit. I cannot submit to someone who has the energy of a wet sock.

Yep. True.

What am I doing wrong here?

You're in the wrong dating pool. Guarantee it. You're either in a small city, or a large liberal (blue) city like NYC/LA/Austin. You're trying to find strong, dominant men in a place where there aren't many. It would help to know what part of the country you are located in (no doxxing needed). Am I right about the big blue city part?

fritz_futtermann · 2025-04-27T15:40:16+00:00

you have have hit the wall

VasiliyZaitzev · 2025-04-27T19:25:39+00:00

I suggest looking for a single dad in his late 30s early 40s who works in the trades. Or who is ex-military.That’s what I’ve got for you.

AverageFuckingValue · 2025-04-27T18:02:38+00:00

This might be a long shot….but if you’re Christian and live in the north Midwest, I know a guy at my church that fits your bill perfectly.

AutoModerator · 2025-04-27T15:29:46+00:00

Title: Only attracted to dominant masculine men - help

Author HiAlternative4050

Full text: I've recently divorced, a single mom, early 30s, good job, take great care of myself my home and my kid. I'm naturally sweet soft and submissive. I do not go out at night, I was with my ex for 10 years. Took the red pill many years ago.

I am not at all attracted to anyone unless they're naturally dominant / masculine/ confident. Like literally no interest if I feel like he's simping, texting too often, can't flirt due to lack of confidence, etc. I turn heads everywhere I go but I am only attracting weak men who lack confidence. Been on a few first dates (3-4) and genuinely I felt nothing. On the other hand the men that I would call masculine/confident are clearly only trying to get one thing from me. I feel like I am rejecting everyone because I am either not into them at all or they are clearly being overly provocative. I cannot for the life of me figure out what I'm doing wrong. I should add that having some financial success is also important to me. I don't care if he's short fat bald, just be confident and have something going on in your life that makes me think you have some leadership qualities/can provide.

I want to submit to someone but I need to feel dominance to submit. I cannot submit to someone who has the energy of a wet sock.

What am I doing wrong here? I should add I'm feeling crabby about it after a date with someone my age who couldn't even hold eye contact and lives with his parents. Please can someone slap some sense into me.

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HiAlternative4050 · 2025-04-27T16:34:13+00:00

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ajcfknowsnothing · 2025-05-02T12:10:56+00:00

Lots of folks have offered nuance on submission/respect.

I'd say that two things are probably key here:

-You need to move your window older. Unless you find a recently single guy with a same age kid, you are now valuable and young and hot to 40 year olds, not 32 year olds. (My sweet spot After Divorce was about a decade older, I'm 39 and the guy I ended up with is 49.)

-Patience. Truly. The guy who's gonna settle down isn't the first dozen guys to approach you on a dating site. He's out working, living life. He's too busy to text a ton and won't be available tomorrow night. He's busy with his kids and life and work. Work on your value and self-care and be ready.

HiAlternative4050 · 2025-05-03T13:54:35+00:00

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HiAlternative4050 · 2025-05-04T16:08:53+00:00

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Engine_Eddie · 2025-04-27T16:01:29+00:00

Props to you for figuring out exactly what you want in a man and not compromising on that! It’s a numbers game so all you can do is vet the men you’re interested in when they come your way to see if they check your boxes. Being a conservative, confident, and established man myself it can be challenging for me to find a feminine woman who feels comfortable with me taking the lead and doesn’t feel the need to compete with me. Not sure how long you’ve been at this, but just keep going if that’s what you want t. I have the opposite problem as a divorced man with two kiddos. Unfortunately living in a progressive city has made it much more difficult for me. Between being an active father, my career, and keeping up my home and fitness I just don’t see the ROI in endless dating at this point. It’s rough out there

HiAlternative4050 · 2025-04-28T20:09:28+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	Only attracted to dominant masculine men - help
Author	HiAlternative4050
Upvotes	62
Comments	125
Date	April 27, 2025 3:29 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1k96m5f/only_attracted_to_dominant_masculine_men_help/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/only-attracted-to-dominant-masculine-men-help.1550779 https://theredarchive.com/post/1550779

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