Too unsocial for any of this.

Awston · 2016-06-21T02:53:51+00:00

If you are not social, you won't attract any women, no matter what you do.

Most of the people who start here are not social. Social skills are exactly what the name says: skills. Imagine playing guitar or skateboarding; socializing is a skill just like any other. You can refine your social abilities with practice and baby steps.

Speaking for myself, when I first found this forum I was completely horrible at interacting with other humans. I was extremely introverted, shy, never made eye contact, and had no confidence at all. Years later I'm a completely different person, and still making improvements daily!

Overnight_Delivery · 2016-06-21T02:25:15+00:00

Being social is a skill. You should move to an urban city like philly etc. The sheer amount of people every where make it easy to practice.

SeinoMore · 2016-06-21T04:31:06+00:00

You can change. Being social is definitely a skill that can be learned and gets easier with practice. Here's an example from Models By Mark Manson:

Go step-by-step if you must. As you walk down the street and you remember: shoulders back, chin up, eyes straight, feet straight, shoulders swagger, arms swing. Always look straight ahead. Don’t ever look down at the ground unless you think you’re about to trip. Look people in the eye as they walk by – particularly attractive girls. You’ll catch people making eye contact with you. You’ll feel the urge to look away. Don’t. Always make other people break eye contact with you before you break it with them. Do it until it becomes habit.

When you initially do this, it feels very uncomfortable but later becomes natural. Many women will ignore you but also watch for the micro mouth movement as they suppress interest shown by smiling. About once a week I get a super positive smile in response.

By doing this in all situations I have been able to spot and pick out women who want to approach me or my group and pull them in to talk.

bbgrill99 · 2016-06-21T05:27:59+00:00

Social skills are learned. Invest the time in becoming social. Commit to spending 3-4 nights a week out being social, especially with new people.

You can do this by going on meet-up and finding groups on your area, googling for recreational sport teams or volunteering in a social position (like working the gate at a festival). There are a lot of options.

If you do this you'll learn how to be social. It's a skill, and if you've been locked away playing computer games all day telling yourself you're an introvert it's no surprise pick-up is currently outside of your comfort zone.

Strike48 · 2016-06-21T02:55:19+00:00

Stop feeling sorry for yourself. That solves absolutely nothing... Take some responsibility. You're antisocial because you've sheltered yourself. Once you're able to accept that your choices haven't been the best. Then maybe you can come to peace with it and move forward. It sucks, yeah too fucking bad man. Now you get to choose whether you'll fight to become better or lay there and accept that as your truth like the dudes over at /r/foreveralone. If not being social is the issue then it looks like you've found your first step. Fix that shit first. Go out and talk to people, volunteer somewhere and you'll be forced to talk. If you suck at talking then you probably won't get very much out of dating anyhow. One step at a time man.

It's going to be difficult. Extremely fucking difficult. No one said it was easy, but that's the situation you're in. Face it or lay on your side and cry about it.

HNTI · 2016-06-21T07:55:04+00:00

I guess, you are not a fan of alcohol and other 'useful' tools of pick-up 'art' ?

Turlast · 2016-06-21T09:00:16+00:00

It sounds like you're comfortable remaining as you are. Not sure what you're looking for here. You don't have to be social if you don't want to, but understand that it won't help if you're looking to find a girl. It's not that you can't; you just don't want it bad enough.

Zalo4 · 2016-06-21T09:40:35+00:00

I think he's trying to say that he's introverted. Honestly, you don't have to do anything you don't want to and it's fine being introverted. If you do want to learn how to talk to people practice daily on people you meet like a cashier or something, then try finding a hobby where you'll meet other people like a cooking class. Cooking isn't necessarily a social hobby but by going to classes you'll meet people. Do what interests you, but try to expand your interests just to give yourself some opportunities to meet new people. You like video games? Go to your local fighting game tournament. You like movies? Go on meetup.com and join a group of movie lovers. You don't need to go to clubs or bars if that's not your scene, but you do need to put yourself out there. Find a way to use your interests to put yourself in those situations.

Don't forget to take care of yourself though as you probably need time alone to recharge sometimes. Enjoy yourself and take it easy.

Raey42 · 2016-06-21T10:13:40+00:00

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n00b_f00 · 2016-06-22T19:23:39+00:00

The reason people are responding negatively, is because you are down on yourself, when they try to help you or give you advice, you say yeah but and respond with a self limiting belief. It's like talking to a wall, and is incredibly emotionally draining, it's like trying to cheer up someone who is depressed.

You say you don't like social activity, but want to socially interact with a woman aka have a girlfriend. We say gain social activities , you say you don't want to give up your current hobbies. We say get better and interact with people more, and you say you've done that and it's actively unfun.

You don't want to change who you are, that you want to be exactly the same. I'm not trying to provoke you or hurt your feelings, but how well can that be working if you're here bemoaning your lack of success with women? Spending one or two days a week on a more social activity is not going to destroy your free time. Going to an occasional Meetup where you hang out with other slightly awkard people who just wanna chill, is a low risk way to make friends.

You don't want to do cold approaches or be fake, and I totally get that. But then you should at least semi actively increase your social circle. Meet people through [X] activity where you have something in common, befriend them, meet their friends. Interacting with and trying to pick up a friend's friend is easier than running games on chick in the street.

I'm guessing that casual interaction with people that you are somewhat friendly with is still paltable to you, and you mean you don't enjoy talking with strangers. Because if you don't enjoy interacting with anyone, I don't know what you want from women. What is your ideal relationship with a woman like?

Danotto94 · 2016-06-21T01:58:19+00:00

Do you have a job that forces you to talk to people?

Jacob_961 · 2016-06-21T07:08:18+00:00

True. Don't listen to the "nothing matters" bullshit that pick up companies vomit. If a shy, socially akward loser living in his mother's basement could get laid, he'd already be getting laid. If you are not getting what you want, it means that there is a skill that you are missing. Any skill is learnable. It might take you 3 years to develop something some another person devloped in 2 years or aquired during his upbringing, but everything is learnable. It is only a matter of time. So don't feel bad if some bullshit pick up company convinces you that super fast results and 3 day programs can transform you instantly. A 3 year program maybe. But the key point is that, some people hear that they need a lot of time to get good at something so they come to the conclusion that they need to wait it out until the day comes where they are good enough. This is wrong. 3 years of passivity does not get you the skill. 3 years of dedicated hard work and action is what gets you the skill. Skill entails consistency and consistency requires dedicated hard work. Hope it clarifies a bit for you.

beingGentlemen · 2016-06-21T09:55:14+00:00

You don't have to be a super social or a people person to attract woman. You just have to understand what attracts women.

HPA_m33k · 2016-06-21T19:59:13+00:00

I wasn't very social either. Up until 11th grade talking to girls was like asking me to cure cancer. At some point you will find that rejection is a thing to look back upon and fix your mistakes within that caused this, to better prepare yourself for the next time. I think of it as revising an essay multiple times. I don't have the biggest Instagram or Twitter followers, I just keep practicing talking to girls, the more you do - the more comfortable you will become with it, to the point of asking a girl out is easy.

clovers2345 · 2016-06-21T22:11:42+00:00

Read this thread and would like to offer some empathetic advice and suggestions.
1. Try online dating - less effort 2. Understanding that not all women are extroverted and are similar to yourself. So it is possible that some women might be rejecting you not because you are social but of something else. You attribute that to not being attractive. I personally know a friend who is not very talkative, boring and has a gf. She likes the fact that he doesn't go out and plays video games - anecdotal evidence 3.You maybe experiencing the Dunning-Kruger effect? 4.How can you find a gf without being social because being social is considered to be an attractive quality right? Catch 22 5. Personally, I think you are tired of rejection happening over and over again because it hurts our ego.
6. So try online dating first. And find other ways to make yourself attractive. Workout, eat healthy, dress well, good eye contact, find a passion etc. 7. If you are lucky women will come to you and approach you. Good luck

Raey42 · 2016-06-22T01:36:20+00:00

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ultimatewpierdol · 2016-06-22T08:19:05+00:00

What do you mean "not social"? I agree that a complete loner and weirdo isn't attractive to women, but on the other hand, you don't have to be the most popular guy out there either.

JeanClaudeFOUTRE · 2016-06-21T16:33:34+00:00

Hey guys, hijacking this thread so i can hopefully get a piece of advice.

I'm a 22 years old guy, i have several friends, i can do the things i enjoy in life, etc, so all in all life is pretty nice.

But i'd like to become more social, i'm pretty shy with strangers, i think a lot, usually don't talk much with unfamiliar people.

You're going to tell me "Just go out and talk to people." and i want to do it, i tried it several times. I go to a bar alone, trying to keep a positive mindset, but i cannot for the life of me manage to find the courage to talk to people. Whenever i'm close to doing it, i can fell my heart beating faster and faster, i feel really excited and scared and nervous at the same time, and then i proceed to draw in my drawing book as an excuse not to talk to others.

Then i go home pissed off at myself.

Any advices? I'm willing to give it another shot. Even a simple "DO IT FAGGOT" would help, but if someone could give me a little advice, a trick, anything, that would be great.

pacg · 2016-06-21T05:09:09+00:00

I hear ya. You have a point. Lots of this advice will be useless to you unless you're already social or willing to be social.

What do you need to hear? What do you want?

Raey42 · 2016-06-22T16:34:44+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	Too unsocial for any of this.
Author	Raey42
Upvotes	11
Comments	242
Date	June 21, 2016 12:40 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/4p1xv2/too_unsocial_for_any_of_this/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/too-unsocial-for-any-of-this.1408480 https://theredarchive.com/post/1408480

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