What can a girl do about pickup?

intjpua · 2010-04-28T18:08:18+00:00

Girls have a lot of options, even if they aren't beautiful. Note that a lot of this stuff applies to men, too.

Get fit. If you aren't in good shape, start getting there. Eat right, workout (lift weights for 20-30 minutes 3 days a week, do 30 minutes cardio the other days), and stop watching so much TV or hanging out on reddit so much (I need to do this, too). The average person spends hours watching TV every day. Take a few minutes of that time to get some exercise and a few more minutes to get outside for fun activities, and you'll dramatically increase your odds of meeting someone awesome. To me, fitness is me primary qualification for girls. I'm in pretty good shape, I eat healthy, I bike a lot, etc. I expect the same from the girls I date. I'm just not attracted to big girls, and without physical attraction, there's no chance of an intimate relationship.

Get clean and neat. Whiten your teeth, get braces if you need them (Invisalign are pricey, but aren't extremely visible while you have them). Make sure you clean up before going out, even if it's just for the grocery or drug store. There may be men there.

Dress nicely. Honestly assess the state of your clothes (check with a friend who seems to have an abundance of great men in her life, if you aren't sure what you're doing wrong or what you should do differently).

Get well-groomed. Have a nice, current, hairstyle? Many men say they prefer long hair (I'm not among them), but I'm pretty sure a good flattering haircut is better than long hair that doesn't suit your face and body. Check with that friend again on your hair. Go to a good stylist (find one on yelp) and pay the $50-$75 it takes to get a really good haircut (cheaper places can probably keep that haircut in shape for the following few months). Keep your legs shaved and your ladyparts ready for action; your mental state is affected by lots of little details, and if you feel "unavailable" because of hair in places you don't want hair, you'll give off that vibe in subtle ways. It will hurt your chances.

Makeup. Guys vary wildly in what kind of makeup they like on a girl. If you don't like wearing makeup, shoot for one of the guys that doesn't like a lot of makeup (we're out here; I hate big waxy looking red lips, heavy blush and eyeliner, etc.). But, even natural beauty is improved with a little makeup. If you don't know makeup, go get some lessons from the girls at the department store counter.

So, those are the "get hot" aspects of attracting men...but you can also be more assertive without being weird.

I went on a social bike ride a few days ago, and one girl there was absolutely awesome in her assertiveness. She'd pull up beside someone she hadn't talked to, and say, "Hey, shy guy. What's your name?" It's no coincidence that she's happily married, and the center of a huge social circle. She was a total alpha chick, and I totally dug her for it. If you see a guy you like the looks of, and he's not being very talkative, this is an awesome way to talk to him.

Be a little racy when you're out with your friends. Sit in your friends laps, make bawdy jokes, smack each other on the ass, etc. There are tons of reasons for this...it's an opening for guys to start joking and talking to you, it's sexy and turns guys on, and it keeps you in the right frame of mind for playing with guys when they come along. You want to be playfully teasing guys from the moment you start feeling some attraction. As a greyhound to a rabbit, guys love the chase...but you need to shake your little bunny tail now and then to keep him chasing.

Push-pull works with guys just as well as it does with girls, and there's tons of material out there about this stuff.

Weaponized_Dairy · 2010-04-28T17:38:22+00:00

With feminism in full swing I expect some females to approach me, being empowered and all. You'll have the same issues however that men have; displaying value while simultaneously displaying interest. If your displaying value it says to the man your approaching that you have your act together and your not desperate, rather, your attracted to him. This is the "push and pull" dance that courting is all about.

To much push and your acting aloof, too much pull and your desperate. So you see why seduction is becoming an art form to be practiced and learned while retaining your goals and personality.

I might suggest you turn the tables on social expectations and "shock" the guy some; Buy him a drink, ask for his number, touch him to escalate sexual energy. In essence you'll have to do what men are expected to do in social situations. From my understanding however when a female does these things your peers might consider you slutty, whereas my peers would consider me a player. So you'll need to come to terms with how your going to operate if you want to pick up guys.

Frankly IMHO, as a woman you should just get better at what women do to attract interest in men; hungry eyes, alluring clothing, body language. If your sincere, you can make it easy for the guy approaching you, he should pick up on this a relax more, thus relaxing you.

I wish I could contribute more to your question, but my focus has always been to attract females, not sit and wait for them to come to me.

bryan05 · 2010-04-28T21:56:15+00:00

we need to send a memo to all women. IT IS NOT WEIRD TO COME TO US AND START DOING THE TALKING!

CuilRunnings · 2010-04-28T18:08:16+00:00

It's really, really, really easy for girls.

Get a gym membership and use it.
Learn how to use make-up, well.
Get your hair done at a nice saloon.
Don't be a bitch.

Girls that do the above will have no shortage of guys dying to talk to them.

antidense · 2010-04-28T17:30:14+00:00

Develop you're own hobbies and skills and get really into them. It's a big turn on to see a girl who's really passionate and good at something unique, whether it be pets, gaming or a sport. It also helps in conversation. Moreover, lay off TV. It gets annoying if that's all you can talk about.

sugarbabe · 2010-04-28T19:43:11+00:00

If she goes and talks to guys she already starts to come of as different and weird.

Yes. She will be different. But not weird at all. Guys go up and talk to females all the time. You're problem is that you are too self conscious and lack the self confidence to talk to whomever you want.

2010-04-28T19:50:23+00:00

If she goes and talks to guys she already starts to come of as different and weird.

Not necessarily a bad thing.

SubGothius · 2010-04-28T22:30:05+00:00

If she goes and talks to guys she already starts to come of as different and weird.

...as if that's a bad thing? Pickup pretty much exists because gals don't approach guys at all, ever, no matter how much they fancy a guy, and guys are generally oblivious to pretty much every "hint" gals think they're sending to indicate that they want to be approached. If anyone would judge you harshly for making an approach, that instantly reveals they're an asshole, so you don't have to waste any further time on them. Some guys you just have to approach and engage and stick with as if it's a foregone conclusion that you'll be leaving with him at some point.

I suspect that nearly every time a gal thinks she's successfully dropped a hint that a guy has picked up on to approach her, he was really just making blind approaches towards gals he found attractive despite his utter ignorance of her attraction level or lack thereof; the gal winds up thinking her hints were a success, when really it was just a coincidental fluke that the guy hit on her despite her too-subtle flirting. Either that, or he's a sociopath who's studied the social behavior of females the way a lion studies gazelles...

2010-04-28T18:17:05+00:00

Um, three of my last five relationships (I define the term kinda loosely, though - I'm not into one-night-stands but one-weeks-stands are a bit of a hobby of mine) were from me being approached by a girl in a bar.

Seriously, go for broke with it, just go hit on them.

I'm so flattered at being chased that I'll go along with someone much lower than my standards if I'm the one doing the chasing. Not to the point of having no standards, but still pretty reasonable.

And girls have a way, way easier time about it than guys do anyway.

Every time I'm being hit on I notice how the girl can pretty much start snuggling up next to me within an hour or so of our meeting, getting way more physical than I almost ever would dare within so short an amount of time (seriously, I can count the times I've pushed that hard on my fingers). About two months ago this one girl had taken off my jacket as an excuse to see me get 'nipply' and then feel me up as we had a smoke outside a bar... Seriously. I'd probably get arrested if I tried that, or whatever female-equivalent you could imagine.

As flattering as it is, it's just a little annoying that I can never get away with even a third as much physical contact in the same amount of time.

So, with that said, just go up and hit on the guy! I always fall for the 'can I see your phone?' trick, where the girl borrows your phone to dial her own, so she has your number. Or just buy me a drink. If you see me looking like I'm about to tab out but it's still kind of early, that's the perfect time to offer to buy me another round to stay a bit longer. I don't know if it's just me or all guys, but I'm seriously flattered whenever it happens, and will pretty much always be up for whatever.

tarlack · 2010-04-28T20:50:44+00:00

The core PUA stuff is all the same, confidence, improve yourself, and practice. I would suggest looking at stuff like David Deangelo and Tyler Durden, you should be looking at a more natural method. In my opinion PUA stuff is more about meeting people and knowing how to talk to them in a way that gets you what you want. I use the foundation of the natural method for work and with friends all the time, its not just for picking up girls its for making friends and improving yourself.

rmbarnes · 2010-04-28T22:00:16+00:00

If she's not very good looking no one comes to talk to her.

As long as she's not fat, a woman will probably get attention. Pickup for ugly girls:

Don't be fat (gym / diet)
Get good at doing hair / makeup
Dress to show off your gym honed body
Don't play too hard to get
Go out lots

If she is really good looking then people come talk to her, but she has to deal with idiots all the time.

My heart bleeds for attractive women. Yes there's a poor signal to noise ratio for them, but they still end up with the best men.

SkyMarshal · 2010-04-28T22:47:08+00:00

Seduction "techniques" for girls? See Mimi Tanner. Don't try to use the stuff for men.

rshom · 2010-04-28T23:00:00+00:00

That nervousness when you see a guy you are thinking about talking to... Guys get it too. We call it approach anxiety. The difference is women can justify it as 'socially unacceptable.'

Most of the things that work for guys will work for girls too. Think your ugly? Its probably in your head, but if its in your head then its gonna mess with your game and your life. Do what ever it takes so that you will no longer feel this way about yourself. This probably means going to the gym. It completely changes your self image. Now hit on guys. Make sure it is obvious. Unless he has asked you to stop hitting on him, he probably has not gotten the hint. Non-assholes are terrible at telling if they are being hit on. Oh ya, geeky guys like myself make great boyfriends. Find yourself an engineer or a programmer. He will probably be easy to pick up too.

2010-04-28T23:47:17+00:00

Aside from all the physical stuff here (gym / hair / makeup), one of the best things a girl can do is project a high energy vibe. Displaying positivity and energy conveys youth. Youth conveys reproductive value. Also, be kind. This, IMO, conveys reproductive value too.

GreatBarrierReefer · 2010-04-29T04:48:50+00:00

Has anyone done any reading on how geishas were trained?

As I recall, geisha had to be trained to be genuinely interesting to their high class customers. Learning to play an instrument and to compose poetry were as essential to their game as looks and grace.

If I had a couple of weeks over the summer to kill, it might be interesting to research geisha techniques on how to be the ultimate seductress.

leevs11 · 2010-04-30T13:22:54+00:00

Two things:

This is all about attraction. Guys tend to need to change their personalities to create more attraction. Girls need to change their appearance to create more attraction.
If you change your appearance to be more attractive, the best way to meet guys who you will be interested in is to go out and do things that interest you. There are guys out there doing it too. One of the big problems with superficial women is that they pretend to have the same interests as guys, but then after being together for a bit, it becomes obvious that they have nothing in common. As much as opposites attract, it's much more fun to have somebody you can do things that you both enjoy with.

mynewname · 2010-04-29T03:20:49+00:00

Good looking is far from an intrinsic and set quality, especially with today's options. Helena Rubenstein once remarked, "There are no ugly women, just lazy ones." and the sentiment is very largely true. The vast majority of women I've seen that I'm not interested in I can think of exactly what they could do to make the difference. Appearance is very important. Once you've got it down, you really don't have to do much except be fun and have social energy with the guys you talk to.

NitsujTPU · 2010-04-28T18:07:34+00:00

Pretty much all you need to do is show up. The social impetus is entirely on men to approach you. Most women seem to "drop hints", but you shouldn't be surprised if guys don't pick up on them. If a dude assumes that he's in the friend-zone with you, he's not going to bother.

barryn13087 · 2010-04-28T17:37:50+00:00

http://www.fastseduction.com/ Is the best source of information to look at. Read "The Game," By: Neil Strauss to get some idea of why. And Remember Pickup material should always be a supplement to what your doing, use what works and make up your own stuff as you go along, go out, sarge and have fun.

doucheyMcDouchel · 2010-05-04T15:59:10+00:00

Lay down
Spread legs.
????
Sex

Title	What can a girl do about pickup?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	14
Comments	32
Date	April 28, 2010 5:09 PM UTC (16 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/bxca2/what_can_a_girl_do_about_pickup/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/what-can-a-girl-do-about-pickup.1310245 https://theredarchive.com/post/1310245

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