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whiskey_and_oreos Archive

View 2 posts and 1,180 comments by whiskey_and_oreos on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
562

FDS SUCCESS!whiskey_and_oreos/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 07:08 PM
432

PICKMEISHA HALL OF SHAMEwhiskey_and_oreos/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/21 07:26 PM
Showing the 1,000 most recent of 1,180 comments.
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
17

Same here. Coffee dates weren't a thing for me as a teenager. I think the first offer for one was in my mid 20s. Back in high school I think the cheapest place the boys would take us to was the shake and burger joint next to the movie theater (especially before anyone had their license, so parents could just drop us off and pick up in the same spot), and they'd pay for everything, movie snacks and all. Otherwise it was mini golfing, go karts, proper dinner dates, and going into the city for muse…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/22 10:19 PM
28

I don't think we "flip out" over nothing. Clearly this has been bothering you so lean into that feeling. Have there been other little things you've picked up on that you might have brushed off? What does his follow list look like? Is it all women, especially ones he doesn't know in real life? Are most of his friends women? Does he keep up with or follow other exes? To add, are you generally a secure, confident person? If you are, then something about this guy is setting off alarm bells for your …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/22 08:59 PM
46

Ehhh I don't love this. Flying out to take her on a date is fine but she told him she wanted to wait until she was back in LA, so his desires overrode hers. This "guy talk" about "hopping the line" and comparing her to sports contracts is LV. He probably doesn't talk like this around her (or didn't at the beginning) so this is his real self. I'm getting the vibe he just sees her as a prize to be won for male validation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/22 08:52 PM
13

"My sex life has been quite dramatic." I think my eyes nearly rolled into orbit. Does his dick detach itself and wander off every night before trickle truthing its whereabouts the next morning?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/22 12:04 AM
20

Not that it justifies his actions here, we just wanna roast him 🔥
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/22 05:39 PM
36

If he's staying over 5 nights a week and she didn't mention regularly staying at his... yeah he's got a nest or hella creepy roommates or something. This comes up way too often. Haha while we're at it, we want proper mattresses, bed frames, clean sheets with a spare set in case our periods show up, a nice comforter or duvet, and pillows (yes, plural)! And clean bath towels! Die mad 😘
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/22 05:13 PM
142

Honestly don't even bother. Just break up with him. He actually thought this was a good idea to bring up with you so that tells you where his head is. If you tell him your terms, he'll agree to get in the door and slowly start doing less and less. And voila! You've got yourself a 31 year old man baby.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/22 04:59 PM
44

DON'T LET THE BED NESTER SQUAT IN YOUR HOUSE Sis 💀 The bed nester sounds so fake because none of us would ever think to do that. I didn't want OP to think I was being flippant or hyperbolic in my comment but you're right, she needs to know what's out here!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/22 04:56 PM
120

Hell no. Of course he wants to move in with you. Let me guess, you've got a clean, nicely decorated apartment? What does he have? Roommates? Living at home? A mattress on the floor? You don't mention going to his place. What would you gain from this arrangement? And I don't mean company, I'm talking tangible benefit to your life. He saves money but what about you? He might say he'll cook and clean but that lasts about a month. Him living there doesn't seem like it'll be different from him stayin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/22 04:48 PM
83

I was thinking the same. Honestly being able to write this much about a guy after 4 dates is a red flag. That's what, 8, maybe 10 hours for dinner dates? Nah sis. And I will never tell a guy about my bi salp surgery, with the exception of the ex husband I was with when I had it done. All a guy needs to know is kids are a hard no for me. Too many men will use it to pressure you into going without a condom. ETA spelling
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/22 04:58 AM
62

Exactly. It sucks to watch and sometimes it's like seeing a past version of yourself in action but you know she has to learn the hard way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/22 12:28 AM
165

A few things off the top of my head: Never allow people you haven't thoroughly vetted to connect to your home WiFi. Most people don't change their router password from the default so if he sees what model router you have, he can login and see network activity on every device. Even scarier if you have cameras. If you must have internet access for your friends like if you live in a cell service dead zone, most routers will allow you to set up a second network with a different name and password. Th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/22 12:14 AM
208

As embarrassing as it is in hindsight, I was this pickme on a few occasions so I understand why she might do this. I mentally thank her for what happens next - either the guy is all over her hoping for an easy hookup or he sees the desperation and moves away from her. Either way, I know she's not trustworthy right now and hope she can begin to prioritize herself over worthless male attention.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/22 12:02 AM
199

I think the dating market is terrible and #YesAllMen until that man in particular proves himself otherwise. There's room for them to co-exist. There's nothing wrong with protecting yourself and assuming a guy is guilty until proven innocent because statistically he's probably guilty AF.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/22 10:06 PM
68

I do this too after leaving my ex a year ago! I can spend ages just leaning against the counter holding a mug of tea in both hands like a child and watching my cats nap in the morning sun. Everything is still. It's bliss after living with a man who makes way more noise than any human needs to hear first thing in the morning.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/22 07:10 AM
38

D for dusty 🤏🏻 dick. And at this point I'm pretty convinced all J names are straight up feral.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/22 06:29 AM
41

YES!! Did his name start with D? It has to be the same man, I refuse to believe this is at all common. It was so bizarre and I still haven't figured it out either.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/22 05:26 AM
153

Sis I think I married him 😖 Plus he had the rejection sensitivity that comes with ADHD. He and his therapist expected me to do that "hey babe, I really appreciate everything you do and I know it's hard but can you do (tiny little scrap of human decency) for me? It'd really mean a lot but it's not a big deal if it's too much" tap dance.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/22 02:26 AM
161

Mine would sadly plod along one and a half steps behind me. Didn't matter if we were getting groceries, at a hardware store, or furniture shopping. I'd slow down to let him catch up and he'd slow down too. Drove me fucking insane and I still don't understand what his deal was. I've heard of men rushing ahead of their partners, but behind? It was like being married to Eeyore with ADHD.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/22 02:06 AM
430

The worst is living with a guy who thinks his penis grants him handyman knowledge and he just makes problems worse. Then you have to deal with him feeling emasculated by a drain leak and find a professional to fix it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/22 11:16 PM
671

Tbh I've never found a single downside to living alone. Whatever I can't figure out how to fix, I can pay someone else to do it or trade with a friend. I can have all of my needs met while maintaining my own space to retreat to at the end of the day.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/22 11:04 PM
142

Ugh you're probably right that she's referring to actual girls. And I think her repeating that it wasn't the same "girl" is an attempt to convince herself it's fine because it's "just sex" and not an ongoing emotional affair. If this is real, this guy would leave at the drop of a hat if she ever gets cervical cancer. Or he'll die of a STI first. Notice how she's the one getting tested (as she should) while he's "being safe" but no mention of getting tested himself? Probably just means he thinks …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/22 06:34 PM
467

"He only cheats on me with whores but he never sleeps with them twice and he always wears a condom! And he lovebombs tf out of me because he fEeLs bAd. We're so eNliGhTenEd and I just need to get over my gut instinct to run, right guys?"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/22 05:57 PM
33

No way it works for more than month without resentment on her side. At first I think poly was a relationship style and at some point it became an identity. My city's crawling with "ENM" and "solo poly" scrotes. Last week I came across "kitchen table poly" on Hinge. It's just ridiculous.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/22 03:10 AM
92

Being shy introverted is such a solid passive vetting strategy, especially once you develop the confidence behind it and don't feel the need to apologize or explain you're just introverted. We don't have to do anything other than exist for people to show their insecurities. Like you said, so many people feel this weird urge to rush in and fill the space we're choosing not to take with their own ideas of who we are and it's all projection. It's also a vetting strategy if you're the type of introv…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/22 09:28 PM
290

He blacked out the LVM gifting bingo card. Literally nothing about this was for her. A HVM wouldn't need to ask your favorite color or store and he wouldn't dream of posting on social media for the validation, which has the added bonus for an LVM of setting up feelers to find his next girlfriend who thinks this behavior is above and beyond.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/22 06:45 PM
140

Apples and oranges. Men are allowed to succeed and climb the ladder by default. Never soothe a guy's ego in apology for your success.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/22 02:03 AM
28

One of my friends recently divorced an "aspiring" boudoir photographer. She had allowed him to take pics when they were together and some of them are straight up softcore porn. She didn't think twice about it because their relationship was solid then and she loved the photos. Fast forward a few years and he refuses to delete the photos and uses them on his business page to lure in more women. Even worse, he's sent them to a few of her dates, saying things like "there's more and worse" to scare t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/22 12:04 AM
125

Cutting people off is an act of radical self love. This goes for family, too. If someone criticizes your decision, take a step back and look at how they might benefit from you having weak boundaries. 10/10 times they either have a vested interest or don't want to be forced to look in a mirror.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/22 04:43 PM
65

The mansplaining knows no bounds 💀
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/22 01:34 AM
131

That's how I felt after that 20 year old hit on me! I'm 32 so it didn't even register as flirting at first. He's cute but my brain doesn't go sexual with that much of an age gap.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/22 11:33 PM
153

I think they have zero clue as to how old we actually are. Men age like milk once they reach 25 or 30 and those years of ignoring their skincare and sunscreen catches up just when the male pattern baldness starts to show. Then Hollywood casts men the same age as their characters but casts women 10-20 years younger. They seriously have no idea what a woman in her 30s, 40s, or 50s actually looks like.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/22 11:26 PM
73

Excellent list. If you do use OLD and social media, keep them separate and use a different set of photos taken in different clothes and locations. Don't reuse an OLD photo on LinkedIn or anywhere else. Reverse image search takes seconds and once someone has your full name they can find just about everything else.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/22 09:14 PM
571

Seriously though, men got our hopes up with all this talk about a wall. I entered my 30s and got divorced over the pandemic so I was really looking forward to being invisible for the next part of my level up journey. No such luck. A 20 year old college intern hit on me in the elevator at work last week and I'm still not sure how he could even see my haggard swamp witch form.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/22 09:05 PM
465

Suspiciously rich auntie is my next life goal
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/22 05:41 PM
168

Millennial men are delusional. For the most part us millennials were raised by boomers or older Gen Xer's so we were really the first generation to see both parents work (at least in the US). It didn't work out so well for our mothers and grandmothers and we noticed the second shift our moms worked when we were little girls because we were the ones expected to step up and act like a second mother. Eventually most of our moms leveled with us and our grandmas told us to keep fuck off money stashed…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/22 01:24 AM
152

This scrote would love a self-storing wife appliance.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/22 10:31 PM
440

I can't get over him feeling entitled to her financial contribution but not living there. His broke ass wants her to deliver pussy and pay for his lifestyle then leave when his bRoS come over.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/22 09:41 PM
825

He wants a dog but even a dog deserves unconditional love. Maybe a non-sentient AI. This right here is why millennial women are single in droves. Our generation is full of these broken post-wall fuckbois who think their inability to maintain interest in any one person for more than three months is the fault of the woman for not being his manic pixie dream girl of the hour.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/22 08:39 PM
161

It's so gross. And that smirk that goes along with it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/22 07:44 AM
112

Block and play dumb fox. I'm 99% sure they don't see anything indicating they texted a number that's blocked them so I act aloof. Just an unbothered "Oh, I must have missed it" is totally fine but don't say you're sorry. It's audacious of them to ask why you didn't text them back and you don't need to stoop to their level. They know what they did.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/22 06:10 AM
305

I'm completely on board. Men receiving oral try to take it too far and their porn addiction comes out fast. It's an incredibly vulnerable position to be in. I realize a HVM wouldn't do or even think these things but the trauma is still there. If that's a deal breaker for him then he's not my HVM.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/22 03:39 AM
9

Thank you for linking that post! Somehow I missed that one. And you and me both, sis. I'm still amazed how heavy 180 lbs can be when it's dead weight that dug in its heels.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/22 06:05 AM
28

This is why I use my Google voice number for MeetUp too 😒 Android pro tip - if you want to use your actual number and a burner number for WhatsApp but don't want to keep logging in and out, go to your settings -> Advanced Features -> Dual Messenger and tap WhatsApp. Also turn on the separate contact list feature while you're in there. This installs a second copy of WhatsApp so you can log into it with a burner number and keep the contacts separate.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/22 01:15 AM
72

Your gut is on point. He tried to do a bait and switch with the "let's hang out as friends" line and turning around and asking you out. Men only keep women around as orbiters if they want to fuck and don't realize we don't do the same. As you said, you kept him around in a professional context, but he read that and the emotional support as you being potentially DTF. If he wanted to ask you on a proper date he would have in the first place, so he's probably just looking for a low effort casual ho…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/22 05:41 PM
335

Guarantee he won't be able to keep it up next time they try to have sex and this is the beginning of the end. This kind of guy gets off on feeling like he's taking advantage of someone less intelligent than himself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/22 04:13 PM
2

This is exactly my thought process and expectations too. My ideal set up if I ever had to live with a man again is two adjacent houses with a kitchen, dining room, and living room between so we can spend time and entertain together before retreating to our own spaces. Or if finances permit, rent or buy a place together and coordinate time spent there. I've never dated a HVM but I need so much privacy and independence that this is the only way it could work without sacrificing part of myself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/22 01:57 AM
563

Every word of this is gospel. For lurkers and anyone thinking "but he/I/this relationship is diFeRreNt," let me tell you your future. Once you ask him on a date or two and get to know him a little bit, your pickme training kicks in something fierce and you go above and beyond auditioning for the role of girlfriend even though he's barely expressed interest. He knows you're craving his validation so he'll give you scraps here and there to keep you around if he senses you're pulling away. He'll be…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/22 01:52 AM
90

See, this why I keep coming here. The first three paragraphs are my ex to a T. But I never connected that pattern to the depravity of being obsessed with bits of trauma even though he did exactly this. They usually can't even wait more than a few days to try it out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/22 12:25 AM
165

I've experienced this too. My takeaway was my hobby sounded fun to them but they didn't want to experience it with me because they knew they weren't into me. Then watch them make the hobby their whole personality and take it into their next relationship. Or worse, take over your hobby group and date everyone, effectively ruining it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/22 11:42 PM
61

Scrote logic. They're utterly convinced their uninformed opinion is worth hearing and they're incapable of saying "I don't know" so it's always a long winded explanation without substance. It would have taken less time and he would have actually been helpful if he'd simply said "let me find the sommelier for you."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/22 07:30 PM
110

It was pretty racy. There were lots of random pornified sex scenes thrown in that didn't add anything to the plot.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/22 04:24 AM
10

I feel like law enforcement should look into that thread. Every woman I know has been assaulted yet men are convinced they and their friends are all innocent angels who always get enthusiastic and ongoing consent every time. Wishful thinking, I know.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/22 04:14 AM
416

There's a lot going on in that article. She's right that Netflix and HBO have been producing softcore porn for years and that it's unethical for scenes to end up on porn sites since the site would get paid for content they didn't produce (notice she glosses over revenge porn in which the victims have zero control over where their images end up, same with OF). But rather than discuss where that's coming from (pornsick producers? audiences? overall degradation of society?), the author uses that as…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/22 04:04 AM
86

Another lazy introvert here. I'd much rather go to dinner alone with a good book. Better conversation and the book won't judge me for keeping the bread basket all for myself. 🤷🏻
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/04/22 10:02 PM
253

Agreed. Getting out of there at the first sign of a red flag is the practice. We're not puppies in need of socialization. In fact men are the ones who need to learn how to behave on dates and stop trying to set a red flag personal record.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/04/22 07:46 PM
3

Thank you ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/04/22 04:44 PM
17

Logically I know it's better for them to think there's a man around. But I hate this timeline where a huge milestone like buying a house must involve a partner by default.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/04/22 04:40 PM
15

SAME. Which is more information than they need to know and completely irrelevant. If our imaginary husbands knew how to do this work, we wouldn't be calling around trying to hire someone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/04/22 04:28 PM
4

https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/wiki/
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/04/22 04:46 AM
10

Please go read the handbook. There's a post in there about why you don't want to keep a FWB around. And block and delete the guy, promise you'll be better off.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/04/22 04:35 AM
31

Completely agree. Any military or law enforcement is a lightning speed swipe left
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/22 11:15 PM
61

They're scrotes. It's way too easy to spend a little extra time crafting responses online or over text so you only see parts of them they want you to see. It's just a false sense of intimacy. Have you listened to the podcast? I'd go with Reaux's "it sounds like you've got a lot going on, bye" with the men who haven't planned beyond their discharge dates. And really military in general is a red flag for me for that exact reason. So many of them didn't have a clue about what to do with their lives…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/22 07:54 PM
159

I just purchased a home by myself and am going through the same thing. I have a Google voice number that I initially set up for dating that's been repurposed for dealing with contractors because they'll just spam people at all hours and usually call, text, and leave a voicemail. Now I don't answer any calls to that number that isn't a saved contact. It's just an added layer of frustration to an already stressful process. And I'm going to scream at the next person man who says "you two," implying…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/22 07:09 PM
135

I saw a tactic here about only allotting a guy like 2 hours of your time per week at first, so basically just a date and no lengthy phone calls. After a few months maybe he gets 4 or 5 hours for maybe 2 dates a week or something. I haven't started dating after my divorce yet but I like this as a guideline in theory. And I have no idea about when things get more serious. I don't ever want to live with a man again either which is a vetting tool on its own to weed out men looking for a maid.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/22 06:10 PM
48

You're not responsible for anyone else's mental health. If he spirals it's on him because he doesn't manage his own symptoms, not on you for breaking up with him. If he's that unstable he shouldn't be dating anyway. You already did too much by texting him therapists.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/22 06:02 PM
164

A HVM would know what he's looking for, trust his own judgement, and wouldn't string someone along in case someone better is out there. I don't know exactly when a HVM would delete the apps according to FDS but personally I think I'd expect it around when he first brings up dating exclusively. Having that conversation doesn't mean you two are exclusive, only that he's expressed intent and the coordinating action is deleting the apps.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/22 07:26 PM
90

You spent more time writing this post than he has thinking about you or making plans with you. Block and delete. It's not going to get better from here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/04/22 05:37 PM
152

I've thought about this a lot too. The difference between women now and our foremothers is we can now get an education, have a career of our own, have bank accounts in our names, and most importantly we have our mother's and grandmother's stories in our heads. The perception of divorce has changed in western culture (some religious groups being the exception) and women don't have to wait around for their spouses to die to be able to own property and accounts anymore, or have their freedom. There…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/04/22 03:32 AM
14

Based queen didn't even hesitate to say she'd have her own money 👑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/22 08:42 PM
367

Honestly, I've yet to meet a man who is comfortable with others' emotions in the way women are. The majority shy away, some try to guilt you or ghost you if they feel bad in response to you expressing anything that isn't happy only to reemerge later, and the worst will say things like "your emotions are wrong" and tell you they don't feel that way so you have no right to. As for what you can do, you leave. If it's family or a live-in partner, you make your exit plan and grey rock in the meantime…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/22 05:21 PM
177

He's posturing like he has the the control here. He had the audacity to say "if I don't hear back in the next 30 minutes, I don't think this is going to work out" and I got chills down my spine. This is an abuser and possibly a full blown narc. Sis dodged a nuke.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/22 04:49 PM
184

Even shopping at Ikea can break relationships! You need to have room and existing furniture measurements in hand and men don't want to be bothered to invest in their living space so they'll just trudge along to "look around." Then they want everything in shades of grey and brown.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/22 05:22 AM
605

Whenever I think I want to date again, I go to Ikea over the weekend for a reminder of exactly what's out there and what I divorced. Then I go back to my quiet apartment and continue on with my life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/22 01:41 AM
49

It's been a while since I watched it so I could definitely be forgetting details too. I agree they veered too hard into "not girly" that she ended up very masculine-coded. I remember a few episodes where she wanted to leave the superhero life because she resents where her powers came from but Trish and others pressure her back into it. She definitely struggles which was refreshing to see after watching the clusterfluff of unapologetic toxic masculinity that was the Avengers, so the bar is pretty…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/22 09:10 PM
326

I'd argue the superhero culture is worse in some ways. I've rewatched most of the MCU during the pandemic and every single "hero" has unmanaged PTSD and various mental health disorders from totally valid traumas. They all run around trying to save everyone else for validation and approval rather than just going to therapy. (ETA) Disney movies taught girls that everything will be magically fixed the minute we find the right guy and in some cases he'll change for us where superhero movies teach bo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/22 07:44 PM
318

Men who really, really want to be fathers scare the shit out of me. Women are just a tool for them to use to carry the family name/muh legacy/"give" them a baby. Most of them don't even have any clear reason for wanting kids as much as they do and a few are fixated on the Kodak moments like throwing a baseball or going to the amusement park.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/22 01:18 AM
143

This is still just reactionary. It's far too late for a woman to find out when she goes to open a bank account or buy a house with a registered offender. And this is now public knowledge so abusers can manipulate a woman into buying the house in only her name so nothing is ever triggered, meanwhile you have a trail of victims including the current partner in need of expensive mental health care and likely financial assistance. Anyone who's ever been abused or assaulted knows the danger of tellin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/22 11:14 PM
140

WHY ARE MEN.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/22 10:28 PM
222

This is such a difficult thing to spot at first if you've never encountered it before and we're conditioned to gaslight ourselves into believing he didn't mean it like that. He's just playing devil's advocate. He's just being realistic while your head is in the clouds. No, he's just an emotionally abusive scrote trying to train you into not feeling any positive emotions unless they're directly associated with or originating from him. He's trying to train you into not bringing anything, good or b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/22 06:59 PM
57

It goes beyond weaponized incompetence into full malicious compliance with some of these men. The hug thing was a problem for mine, too. I'd say exactly that, that I want a bear hug I could sink into and cry after a bad week, and he'd wait maybe 10 seconds before grabbing my ass. Or I'd feel his erection while just enjoying the emotional intimacy of a long hug and he'd get mad at me for pushing him away.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/22 12:55 AM
30

Mine would too. No amount of explaining trauma and feeling like my body is back in the original event would ever click with him because he just didn't care. I'm glad he's an ex and I hope you've had time to heal ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/22 12:52 AM
83

I think it's possible for a HVM to respectfully do a cold approach. Maybe you're at a grocery store and he makes a comment about how much he also loves xyz item in your cart and watching your reaction to see how open you are to chatting. Maybe you're at a coffee shop with a book and he asks about it without just plopping down in the seat next to you. It shouldn't feel forced and I'll never take my headphones off for a man. The key here is it should feel natural and comfortable (i.e., he should k…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/22 09:14 PM
156

There are also men who will get angry at you for having these reactions and say your perfectly valid reactions make them feel like a bad person. Block and delete and never look back from these men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/22 07:26 PM
134

Exactly! It also triggers that NLOG training so we're thinking we're too particular and hard to please instead of focusing on his scrotacity. Their weaponized incompetence with dinner especially always pissed me off. I get hangry and there's nothing worse than coming home late after a long day and commute to find that they either screwed up, didn't prepare anything, or didn't put in the take out order. But you can't be mad because yOu'Re sO pArTiCuLaR. Now I'm single and order exactly what I wan…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/22 06:43 PM
503

Spot on. I married a "just ask" man and he grew resentful of my "nagging" pretty quickly. It's a form of neglect that they can't be bothered to notice a pattern like handling dinner when you're working late. You'll end being manipulated into doing extra emotional labor to hand hold them through every little thing as punishment for asking them to get off the couch. You want a proactive man, not a reactionary one who is always two steps behind waiting for you to be his project manager under the gu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/22 05:10 PM
6

Those are all the bare minimum things he should be doing. Going to a second location is actually a redpill tactic because the more locations you go to gives the sense that you've been on more dates. And depending on your culture and age, living with his family is a huge red flag. Meeting them on the second date is unheard of and creates a sense of false intimacy. Think of it this way, you've spent maybe 2 or 3 hours together at this point but he wants to rush into you meeting his mom. He's skipp…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/22 12:10 AM
20

Sis, this wasn't a HVM. Please go read the handbook and don't go to a guy's house 🚩 on a second date 🚩🚩 when he lives with family 🚩🚩🚩
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/22 11:49 PM
23

"I've banged 50 women!" "Okay and how many were repeat customers?" Spoiler: zero. Except maybe a girlfriend who broke their heart and they used that as an excuse to have their fuckboi era.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/22 06:10 PM
401

Yup. One time during sex my ex demanded I "scream for him" and got all up in his feelings when I told him to do something that would feel good enough to elicit that response. Or any response for that matter. 🤷🏻
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/22 12:03 AM
562

Most women don't "take too long" on our own or with a toy, or even with a female partner. Men just aren't good at sex (foreplay or PIV) and we shouldn't reward a subpar performance.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/22 11:54 PM
261

Right there with you. I was at a work conference the other week for an industry where a solid 80% of the attendees were basement dwelling creeps. Everything from the leering to the fake innocent "I don't mean to bother you but--" to touching my arm to get my attention while I was wearing big noise cancelling over the ear headphones, it's all ramped up and I'm completely over it. And we can't even talk about it in real life because it just sounds fake and adults shouldn't act like that. I literal…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/22 07:18 AM
149

💀 You reminded me of this goldmine of a Twitter thread "you don't have the cholesterol to be out here"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/22 06:36 AM
9

because for some reason I'm insanely attracted to him (he's very good looking, has an ambitious job and earns more than enough so that definitely helps). These are the bare minimum. It might help you to stop looking at a decent job or a salary as a green flag and instead treat them as the absence of a red flag. Think of it as being unemployed is a red flag while having a decent job is just a fact about him. After that he's just a mess of red flags.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/22 02:20 AM
103

This. I don't think of them as green flags, instead they're the absence of red flags.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/22 04:07 AM
981

I feel like it's either I'm unhappy degraded and violated or he's unhappy
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/22 05:00 AM
60

They can get off on even just making someone think about their dicks like in the OP. He might not have even meant to send a pic (but let's face it, he probably did) but he's got her thinking about his dick and made her think he's into consent. I literally just saw a Hinge profile proving this. The guy said he was circumcised a few years ago in his 30s just to put his dick front and center in the conversation and force women to ask about it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 07:16 PM
100

Ingrown hairs galore because they've never exfoliated once in 35 years 🤢
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 05:36 PM
175

Oh completely agree, dicks look weird af. Paired with a white knuckle death grip and pasty untoned thighs, who can resist? 🤢🤢🤢
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 05:02 PM
677

Do they really think a poorly lit photo of a death gripped disembodied dick is a turn on for us because that's what turns on their pornsick brains?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 04:52 PM
26

I just hit this pickme phase too over a guy I knew pre-FDS! He's a colleague who moved to another completely unrelated team a few years ago and alllll those feelings right came back when I ran into him last week. I ended up journaling about all the scrote behavior I know about and writing "if he wanted to, he would" on my bathroom mirror. It was embarrassing. I don't have this problem with men I meet after FDS so I think there's some element of hoping we knew a HVM or some lingering view of his …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 04:30 PM
59

Ugh yes all the Bridgerton men are such scrotes. Really all the men in the entire show are LV. The late viscount might have been ok but he wasn't on screen long enough to screw up. Anthony will be visiting a prostitute as soon as Kate is pregnant and can't have sex. Even some of the women proved to be LV and there's really only one good level up story.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 07:00 AM
316

Last time I was out with a girlfriend we noticed how many men would try to stand between us and separate us. Several even used their friend group for this purpose as well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 01:39 AM
14

Still LV and the actual apology is only the first half, and the easier one at that. The remainder is changed behavior and no reoccurrence. Also notice he mentions nothing about his wife beyond her medical condition. He thinks of her as his property to be defended. What about her feelings about the comments made about her medical condition, and her feelings about Will Smith's reaction?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 12:10 AM
523

Men are delusional. Yes, money has value. But it's not on the same scale as the inherent value of our bodies, health, and self worth. He's equating the two and places higher value on money when he won't (or likely can't) pony up $5 for a coffee. Money can be re-earned and replaced while someone literally entering your body can never be undone. And that doesn't even get into the cost of maintaining the health of our bodies so men like this can continue to use us for free with abandon. Also, the l…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/22 10:22 PM
99

Exactly. He shouldn't be dating in that case, he should be in therapy or working with medical professionals to be his best possible self.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/22 09:28 PM
152

Her rationale is a rabbit hole of excuses we've all heard that are meant to keep us in situations where we are consistently let down, disappointed, and discarded. If the only thing stopping someone from being HV is themselves, they have zero excuse to do better.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/22 09:08 PM
244

Is "estranged ex" the new way to say "deadbeat dad"? Because children that young can't handle custody arrangements or pick ups and drop offs, nor should they even when they're older.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/22 09:39 PM
183

when he begs you to stay. If you stay, he will not respect you 100% truth here and it goes far beyond when he's caught cheating. I don't think a man who is capable of changing his behavior would beg someone to stay, instead I think they'd admit fault, lay out their plan of improvement, and actually do it. Of course things like cheating are one and done and this wouldn't apply. Men who beg their partners to stay aren't interested in self improvement. And as you said they absolutely won't respect …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/22 08:20 PM
1145

"I love you but -" Aaaand we're done here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/03/22 06:45 AM
5

No way this is real. There's too much unnecessary detail.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/03/22 01:45 AM
36

He's a grown ass adult. Adults get tired, not "tuckered out" like a toddler, and we still need to act appropriately. Guaranteed he doesn't do this shit at work where he knows there'd be actual consequences.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/22 10:21 PM
1613

Madonna-whore complex in action. He thinks his heavily tatted gf is sexy and can't reconcile that with his mom getting tattoos.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/22 08:51 PM
22

Definitely got some Jocasta vibes from that 🤢
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/22 06:34 PM
120

He's definitely giving major abuser vibes. They both had bad days (he noticed her anxiety symptoms) but his was worse because it happened to him. So he punched down with the intent to crush her so he'd have power over someone. And if his mom was really against his wife at the beginning, the wife would have absolutely picked up on that and many women would express concern to their partners. So he's been holding onto this weapon for years.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/22 05:32 PM
148

Agreed, this behavior is a huge red flag. I'd argue these are actually the same thing because by stating a boundary you're stating what you consent to. Little kids test boundaries, HV adults don't. Reframing it as "testing your boundaries" is libfem bs that infantilizes and gives men a convenient excuse when he inevitably decides your boundaries are inconvenient. It's still a violation of previously stated consent.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/22 05:18 PM
133

It's such a weird sense of déjà vu when you start reading everything on the sub and seeing dozens of women replying "me too" to even the tiniest LV traits. I had the exact same experience of realizing I would have cut every ex off by the second date (and some before the first), followed by a sense of anger at their sheer unoriginality. Like if they're going to manipulate me, at least come up with something new. Congrats on breaking out of the cycle and working toward healing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/22 06:51 PM
959

Man: maneuvers himself into woman's orbit Man: "you led me on!"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/22 11:31 PM
170

Because men have protagonist syndrome and don't want to be challenged or faced with their shortcomings. "Nice" women don't make them feel any bad feelies. "Nice" women make themselves small so the man can feel big and masculine. "Nice" women are background characters, NPCs who follow a set script.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/22 10:47 PM
168

Impeccable timing. I just had a 40 minute Lyft ride where this scrote straight up trauma dumped on me the entire time, and some of it was very activating for me personally. I kept my responses short and curt and he even interrupted that. I ended up putting on headphones. I just can't imagine life with that audacity.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/22 11:58 PM
325

"Hey, babe, you know how you really enjoy sex? I've been thinking and all the parts you like are really boring for me. It would save so much time if you'd learn to like me going in dry. But I still want you to act like you enjoy it because I care about your pleasure!"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/22 09:53 PM
419

Have him replace it and then replace him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/22 09:47 PM
678

I love a direct but aloof "you seem to have a grasp of the fundamentals, so what area are you struggling with?" to really cut straight through their ego.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/22 12:54 AM
170

I have mixed feelings on this. On one hand, good on his mom for trying to raise gentlemen instead of raising boys. On the other, it isn't on her to teach her own husband to be a better man. He should have been entirely on board and on her level but he was probably a LVM wasting her emotional labor. It sounds like the porn lessons didn't really stick, probably because it came from a woman. I think it would have been more effective coming from his dad or another male role model. Something about hi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/22 09:02 PM
26

Damn, you're probably right.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/22 07:37 AM
64

I have no idea what the appeal is, and I'm someone who's watched all the Marvel movies and shows and enjoyed most of them. It's just lazy humor. Ryan Reynolds is the new Adam Sandler. He just plays himself in every role while being a blank slate for men to project themselves onto and imagine themselves next to a much more attractive actress.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/22 07:26 AM
92

Not really a villain, but men who love Deadpool are a hard no. And male villains are just lazily written. Take any random bald guy and put him in some remote location and you've got a villain. They're nothing to aspire to.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/22 07:12 AM
442

This is exactly how men can be allies, by using the platform they have. And I appreciate the way he asks the right questions to get people thinking instead of just preaching or screaming at his audience. As a side note, I really hope Trevor Noah doesn't prove himself to be an LVM.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/22 05:23 AM
110

My marriage license was $30 and could have been used the same day. Filing for divorce cost $230. Breaking the lease was $5000. But please, someone explain how It'S chEaPer tO LivE tOgeThEr.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/22 10:06 PM
49

Having broken a lease and divorced a LVM, I'll never do it again. It was money well spent for freedom but there's so many other things I would have rather done.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/22 09:58 PM
162

You know, I've been wondering if liberal feminism was always going to be a part of late stage capitalism. Wage stagnation and increasing cost of living pairs way too well with 50/50 relationships and cohabitation without commitment. Even on a sinking ship, men are still trying to climb on women's shoulders.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/22 08:38 PM
418

Men even shit on trophy wives and think it's easy. At least trophy wives look after themselves. Their gym and grooming routines are a part time job that their husband benefits from socially and professionally. Men are delusional. Ask him what makes him a trophy before laughing all the way to the block and delete button.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/22 01:49 AM
69

Yup. And every time I see "I've been to 34 countries on 5 continents!" I immediately think "and never thought to set foot in a therapist's office, fascinating."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/03/22 06:01 PM
136

Good lord is this accurate 💀 Literally the only thing missing is "Machu Picchu selfies"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/03/22 06:11 AM
444

Oof. Sounds like she might be depressed (not wanting to go out on a date) or maaaaybe he's just another demanding scrote who hasn't spent the equivalent amount of time doing chores in the last two years as she would spend on grooming for a single evening out. There's always more to the story. And let's be clear: he's not planning a date to be romantic and reconnect. He's planning a date to force her into doing grooming and beauty rituals she doesn't want to do so he can have his arm candy again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/03/22 01:24 AM
123

She could've hired a full time nanny and started a healthy college fund for that money!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/03/22 12:17 AM
44

Bullet dodged! Definitely a porn addict. Maybe TMI, but my ex couldn't maintain an erection while going down on me, so that guy could've been just as bad. It was disappointing and a little insulting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/03/22 12:12 AM
1

Ew yeah your dad is super out of touch here. It's one thing to get a cold call from a job recruiter or marketing agency but totally different to get random messages or follows on socials. He probably does that to lots of women to build up his Insta and Snapchat followers. You have full support to block and delete the guy on everything. Even at 18 he's gross.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/22 11:42 PM
11

Block him. It feels like he's trying to get you to chase him because he is. There's no reason a guy like him needs to have high school girls on Snapchat so he's also a predator. And next time you feel the need to give someone the benefit of the doubt, ask yourself who benefits when you doubt your instincts because it's definitely not you. And ignore your parents, they clearly don't understand the dating hellscape we're dealing with.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/22 11:23 PM
104

And you can tell! Every guy I've encountered who had PIED was able to maintain an erection only with his hand and literally nothing else would do it. Like they lose their erections in the time it takes to put on a condom which is about how long it takes to pull on jeans and GTFO once you realize you're in for bad dick.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/22 10:24 PM
125

I'm the same way. Not all sex needs to be PIV but I find it super weird when a guy is soft while we're making out or more. It's a turn off if they're clearly not into me. This cartoon is just libfems coddling ED. Don't feel guilty over your standards! A HVM could have medically induced ED so he might just not be your HVM and that's totally fine.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/22 10:19 PM
290

I mean... does it matter? If he's under 50 and has any kind of ED that you discover while being intimate, just leave. The "I'm just nervous about satisfying you" line is bs. The only exception I can possibly think of is if a guy is forthcoming about it and has a known medical issue or takes a medication that causes ED and he's actively working with his doctors to find a solution. I'm not going without sex because a guy is too embarrassed to tell a medical professional his dick needs fixing when …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/22 10:07 PM
445

Hard same. Thought I was demi for a while, then ace, but I'm neither. Probably 95% of the sex I've had is just being a stunt double in some guy's interpretation of his favorite porn. It's why asking for a different position or any changes are ignored, it's not what the actress did in the clip he's playing in his head. The remaining 5% was that awkward but fun sex high schoolers have. I'm 32 so the first few boys I fooled around with hadn't been ruined by porn and I crave that innocence again bac…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/22 12:22 AM
37

Ugh future faking. I'd bet he didn't actually know half of what he claimed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/22 07:34 PM
165

I’ll have to learn by myself now and I’m a little pissed off that I did not learn his method before telling him he was a scrote. I probably won’t be as good as him at the topic but at least I won’t have a middle aged man lusting over me anymore He was never going to teach you properly because he doesn't respect you. At best you would have gotten misleading info so he could continue contact and at worst he would have asked for nudes or "favors" for information. Chances are you'll learn a more eff…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/22 07:14 PM
67

And in this example, what is he compromising by her relocating to be closer? A compromise is a concession made by both sides and he would only gain if he doesn't have to drive as far.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/22 06:13 PM
15

I was thinking the same and it sounds like he could be dread gaming another woman by making her compete for his attention. Either way, not a HV behavior.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/22 06:15 AM
35

If you ever happen to be alone with one of the men (like if you both arrive early to an event), watch for consistency. He should be able to make conversation with you and with the group. A red flag here would look like him acting interested when it's one on one but ignoring you or giving you less direct attention than he does anyone else while the group is present.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/22 05:13 AM
665

"You're welcome! Relationship saved!" And remember, she might still decide to leave you for her hot coworker or ask to open the relationship. Just be happy that she communicated. Women have needs after all!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/22 04:33 AM
73

This is legit part of their strategy, no /s needed
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/22 01:47 AM
135

Friend from high school. We were never single at the same time though I got the sense he wanted to date me. Eventually he started dating someone else in our friend group. One night he tried making a pass at me and I shut him down and kept my distance after that. I went off to college and heard he married the girlfriend through Facebook and never really thought about him again. Ten years later he emails me the only "wyd" email I've ever received. I replied to ask how his wife was doing and he wen…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/22 10:36 PM
136

So, disclaimer: I've almost exclusively dated men like this. I also work in a male-dominated space so I'm surrounded by men like this. And I'm likely on the spectrum myself but haven't pursued a diagnosis because I'm a woman in my 30s and don't have the energy for that battle. I legit screamed when I read the paragraph about "yes and" versus "yes but." My ex did this constantly and it's an insidious tiny little word that makes you question your own intelligence. For someone obsessed with tiny de…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/22 05:28 PM
52

I'm going to be a little blunt because I've had to cut off a lot of people so I'm pretty desensitized to it. With Tinder guy, what do you think the odds are that he thinks of you the same way? And how well did you really know him versus how much are you projecting on him? And so what if he is dead (assuming it was of no fault of yours)? How did you cope when a family member or friend has died? What did you get from him that no one else can provide or that you can't give yourself? Sometimes the b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/22 11:16 PM
59

Except you do know. Something about him doesn't sit right with you and that's more than enough reason. As women we're taught that every single thing about the relationship must be bad to justify a break up. We're taught to keep trying to accept him and love him and maybe one day he'll do something nice in return. I'm here to tell you that you can break up with a guy just because you're not feeling it anymore and you don't owe him or anyone else an explanation. Men do this all the time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/22 07:14 PM
138

You know what's disrespectful? Him not being a decent boyfriend. If he wanted to bring you flowers or gifts and make you number one, he would have. Don't continue to disrespect your own worth by making excuses for his disrespect. And no relationship should have been through so much in the first year. You met on a site meant for anonymous mental health support. It sounds like you were using it genuinely. Was he, or was he looking for a vulnerable victim? Neither of you were in a place to be datin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/22 06:57 PM
337

Being confused is more than enough reason to break up with him and cut all contact. Don't even bother meeting up with him tomorrow. You can just send a text now saying "I do not want to continue our relationship. Do not contact me again." Then block his number and delete his contact info. And please don't use that site 7cups again. It set you up for a trauma bond relationship right from the start. No relationship, romantic or friendship, should start like that. The only person you can meet and d…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/22 06:46 PM
187

Left a dead bedroom, can confirm. Would have left zero stars to match his level of effort.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/22 12:02 AM
396

This is a violent abuser trying to masquerade as a softboi. I'm sEnsItiVe. It doesn't count if you're only sensitive to only the violent thoughts, jackass.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/22 06:31 AM
633

It's also the basis of the modern workweek, why it's impossible to do all of these things while holding down a full time job if you live alone, and why even 50/50 is a scam. Let's not stop here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/22 06:02 AM
488

I really hope she updates and exposes how he ended up with legal guardianship over her at 15. It's not an easy thing to accomplish and I'm worried he was a teacher or social worker or in a similar position of trust and authority.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/22 01:21 AM
71

And they think it's a compliment! Like your bros can't go five minutes without talking about their dick, scratching their balls, or quoting Rick and Morty.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/22 12:04 AM
92

This is an awful idea. We shouldn't be making their basement hovels more comfortable. These men are so far gone that any attempt to meet them halfway with normal human experiences is perceived as validation of their lifestyle.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/22 08:44 PM
127

And some of them watch porn with their friends! They need to move past their internalized homophobia and just leave us out of the picture entirely. Between Becky who broke up with them in third grade and their "no homo" friends, they're not even interested in real life women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/22 07:35 PM
319

Men really just want to fuck their friends. We'd be better off starting a GoFundMe so these scrotes can ask their bros to get breast implants and BBLs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/22 07:18 PM
78

I think it's a sign of how well some women have been brainwashed into questioning their feelings when it comes to the mistreatment they endure at the hands of men. Yep. We're only allowed to feel positive things under patriarchy. Men have claimed anger and rebranded it as Not An Emotion but when we express it we're hysterical. And lots of people equate anger to violence and abuse. Women will be a force of nature once we move past these stigmas and get angry. She should lose the husband before lo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/22 02:01 AM
133

Weaponized incompetence is men's greatest achievement next to rebranding anger as Not An Emotion. Tell me again how the same men who can't buy groceries are uniquely qualified to run billion dollar companies. 😒
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/22 01:23 AM
346

Well damn sis, just @ me next time you wanna read me for filth 😂 You're spot on in ways I've never been able to articulate. I used to think I was enLigHtenEd for agreeing to FWB and I don't even know why. Probably my libfem conditioning. But the guy gets to have his cake and eat it too AND do this with other women because you're paying your own way so there's no financial investment on his part. He's got you and other women feeling insecure and auditioning for scraps of attention every time he c…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/22 12:38 AM
291

Ugh I'm sorry he's such a scrote. It's a hard realization when you thought you found a HVM as a friend. Take time to grieve if you need to and journal his red flags and when you first started noticing them, tracing them all the way back to hints at the beginning (because they were definitely there). Use it as a learning experience. Just don't dwell on him for long and don't punish yourself for not seeing him for who he is sooner. And don't even bother with male friends in the future. I swear eve…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/22 07:04 AM
8

Best thing so far is "I mean, you know what men are like at that age. And she's still so impressionable and naive. I don't even know what they have in common or how they met." It's all projection.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/22 12:50 AM
18

Sometimes, yeah. I got divorced last year and don't tell new people I meet. Even folks who do know are pressuring me to "get back out there." I just dismiss it with a casual "nah I'm good" like I'm declining a slice of bland store bought cake at the office holiday party, which is really all most men offer. It used to bother me a lot more but since finding FDS I can't unsee all the issues in their relationships. It feels almost predatory when I know they're in bad relationships and like they're t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/22 08:10 PM
40

My favorite is probably lovingmeafterwe. The woman behind it survived and left an abusive relationship and she discusses topics like attachment styles, inner child work, and generally all the crap women face when dating men like confusion and inconsistent behavior. It's very aligned with FDS.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/22 08:02 PM
407

Good news is the annulment should be easy considering beastiality is still illegal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/22 05:39 AM
78

Nope, he really doesn't. It's almost funny watching him try to explain why his daughter's relationship makes him uncomfortable without calling out his own. The mental gymnastics are ridiculous.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/22 05:32 AM
147

I know a scrote who marrying someone like 25 years younger. His fiancee is like 3 years older than his own daughter, who is dating someone around 8 years older than herself. But the 8 year difference bothers the scrote so much and not the fact that his fiancee and daughter could have played school sports together. He's so close to getting it but won't because he's too immature to date women his own age 🤦🏻
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/22 04:10 AM
22

I agree. I'm not a fan of the absolute statement being implied here that mental health issues just don't exist. I agreed with the part where the hosts and guest said "people don't say 'I feel sad' they say 'I am depressed'" but there's a lot of nuance between those two statements that was overlooked. "I feel sad" is perfectly valid as is "I feel depressed" or "I've been experiencing depressive symptoms." Those statements clearly delineate between the human and the feeling or experience. The prob…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/22 03:17 AM
56

Loved this show. Peggy is such a queen in every way dealing with all the sexism and bs. I was a little annoyed with the forced love triangle thing in season 2 but they at least wrote it in a way that she remained focused on her goals and gave herself time to grieve Steve Rogers before entering a new relationship. Also if you haven't seen it, the first episode of What If on Disney+ explores what could have happened if Peggy took the serum instead of Steve. They even showed her physically increasi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/22 02:31 AM
113

Sounds like a great opportunity to pack up and leave. No gamer will risk letting down his bros to do anything about it, if he even notices over the noise cancelling headphones.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/22 08:05 PM
171

He probably calls himself a feminist too
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/22 07:19 PM
333

bUt My eX aLwAyS cAmE Sure she did, bud. Your ex also deserves an Oscar for that performance and a reprimand for helping lower the bar.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/22 07:26 AM
473

All that and he'll still ask for anal and ghost you the instant you ask for a crumb of emotional intimacy. What a deal 😒
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/22 07:19 AM
23

It was so satisfying! I didn't look back either, it would have ruined the ice queen vibes. I highly recommend this energy for 2022 (in situations where you believe it's safe).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/22 05:58 AM
63

Love this for you! And it being his last day is just chef's kiss I've noticed my politeness and niceness really suffered during lockdowns and honestly I'm here for it. Last month a guy ran into me at Target because he was looking the other direction and he jumped out of my way with a muttered "oh sorry." I didn't change course so I shoulder checked him and accidentally very loudly blurted out "fucking excuse you" before my filter could stop it 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/22 05:34 AM
62

I kept mine when I got married and now that I'm divorced a few years later it saved me a lot of headaches and paperwork. My ex and his family were fine with it. My own father was super weird about it and acted like my diplomas bearing my last name (that I got from him) were an achievement of his, and if I changed my name then somehow that transferred the achievement over to my now-ex's family name as well as any future achievements. I was the first in the family to go to college where my dad did…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/22 01:15 AM
15

This is a good point. He would have a vested interest in appearing married as well (they have rings) because married men are generally favored for promotions and pay increases, while she can protect her assets. Hopefully this situation makes her realize he's still just a scrote. At least the spiritual divorce will be easier than a legal one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/22 09:48 PM
41

So I just looked this up and a surrogate in the US starts around $100k and goes from there. She's just trying to break even on her lost wages from maternity leave. She should be charging that much plus surrogacy market rates.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/22 09:31 PM
296

QUEEN. She understands the financial risk of motherhood to her career and wants financial insurance from him in case he bails while she's physically vulnerable and has a newborn. They're not legally married so this guy could cut and run with zero consequence. Also he knows that she's career driven and raking in $175k but is surprised she has the mental capacity to present him with written plans and contingencies? Sounds like he doesn't respect her at all. And another thing - spiritually married?…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/22 09:02 PM
24

Unfortunately, yeah. I follow her on Instagram and she's been posting more about it. She was vulnerable and he's absolute scum.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/22 06:58 AM
134

He kept up the facade for a whole year. Granted most of it was not in person but still, one entire year. This is why we can't ever let our guard down. And so many of us have stories like Chelsea. She could have vetted differently, sure, but that's only clear in hindsight. Men are just so fucked up that we can't be vulnerable and human around them. FDS-level vetting is in response to their depravity.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/22 04:38 AM
71

Zero. He's a parade of red flags. You already know this if you're asking the question. ETA that's a lot to know about someone's history and very little about him as a person. It feels like him giving you his socials and telling you about his relationship history was meant to give you a false sense of intimacy. Have you even met in person? Are his career goals for the foreseeable future to continue moving around every few months? It's selfish of him to know that's his plan but then give you all t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/22 07:11 PM
99

Exactly. Nothing engages defensive big sister mode faster than some creep trying to prey on a friend's perceived insecurities.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/22 05:44 PM
344

So much projection. Well adjusted women don't really get bitter and confused when someone hits on their "less attractive" friend where men do. This is just some weird white knight shit he's trying to masquerade as altruism.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/22 05:40 PM
197

This has been my experience too. Now I hear "simple" and replace it with "cave man with zero complex thoughts or inhibitions."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/22 02:27 AM
24

It's a fool's endeavor. When I still watched porn it would take forever to find something with zero violence and even longer to find something that actually portrayed the sex I wanted to be having. It's impossible to not be exposed to violent themes or straight up abuse while looking for that unicorn. And even then you have no idea if it's consensual. You're poisoning yourself just by exposing yourself to that content and eventually might get desperate enough to push your own comfort zone just t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/22 07:41 PM
80

Sexual assault
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/22 06:58 PM
431

Make sure he's not covering up writing some super weird fanfic. Or reading what's basically transcribed porn with incest and SA themes. Otherwise I think I'd be ok with this in theory? Lots of women read romance novels. Reading erotica requires use of your imagination so I don't know if it's a gateway into video porn and some of it is very well written. But then again, men will ruin everything.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/22 06:56 PM
49

And hosted on HBO, the network known for checks notes Game of Thrones and Westworld...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/22 11:47 PM
26

This is a great list! One thing I'd add in addition to therapy and a support network is the concept of a touchstone. No matter how nasty he gets, how do you want to remember how you carried yourself? What is a phrase that grounds you? At some point this was a person you cared about and won't be in your life for much longer so the HV thing to do is treat everyone involved (yourself included) with dignity. And depending on your area, I was able to find one extra form (called something like "affida…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/22 09:51 PM
106

You perfectly described a guy I knew in college. Super rough background but really pulled himself together to get into a good school while never really leaving that mentality behind. Anyway, he was my first and last experience with dating this type. It ended abruptly when he decided to take a piss in public behind our college dorms after a night out drinking instead of waiting 5 minutes to use an actual restroom in the building. Like if someone had opened their blinds they would have seen him st…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/22 08:21 AM
25

Honestly everyone on that show is kind of trash. Midge basically abandons her kids at her parents' place to be taken care of by the maid and the parents all suck. It's the Jewish remix of Everybody Loves Raymond without any real life Jewish actors. I'm still going to mindlessly watch the next season for background noise though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/22 05:59 AM
373

Translation: "you're such a catch and you seem sane so why hasn't someone tried to chain you down with a lifelong commitment to break your spirit" It's gross. And they're overestimating their importance. Sperm =/= a baby. Women need to have access to abortion to decide if that sperm is worthy of the physical and mental toll it takes to grow a human.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/22 04:46 AM
289

Male, 30s, 5'8" but I'll convince you of my potential to be 5'9" because I'm really trying! Looking for a mommy to give the silent treatment. Emotionally constipated and can suck all the air out of the room for days on end while telling you everything is great. My ex went crazy after half a decade of sleep deprivation but as long as you have sex with me at 2am we'll get along great! 😜 ETA profile quote: raises finger "wellll ackshually..."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/22 03:09 AM
42

Seriously though. I breezed into my 30s during the pandemic and a divorce. I'd really hoped all the stress would make me hit the wall and I could reemerge blissfully invisible. Lol nope, now I've got a bunch of balding 30 year old men with beer bellies and stick arms who look older than my father to choose from on OLD. 🤢
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/22 01:15 AM
130

I knew it, his daughter is 22. 🤢 I know a scrote who did the exact same thing and is marrying someone barely a few years older than his daughter.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/22 10:55 PM
73

The lead couple in Madam Secretary are pretty HV. The episodes were pretty repetitive after the second or third season but I was invested in their relationship because she's career driven and he pulls his weight and supports in all areas, and it's so consistent that she never doubts his ability. It was so refreshing to watch scenes where the man is cooking breakfast for the family with a towel over his shoulder while she runs out the door to work after grabbing the coffee he had at the ready and…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/22 09:58 PM
77

Agreed. Treating addictions in particular is extremely difficult and they run deep. There's a reason AA members say they're in recovery no matter how long they're sober - it's a lifelong struggle with weird triggers unique to the individual. And like most mental health struggles, women and men handle them very differently.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/22 08:06 AM
262

It's unlikely. Those LV behaviors are all tied up in externalizing their feelings, a need for immediate gratification, and a complete lack of self awareness. Let's flip the genders for a minute - most FDS women were LV or pickmes at some point and we all reached a low that forced us to stop and look around and become aware of how our thoughts and behaviors were shaped by patriarchy. Many of us then dove into self help, therapy, single by choice, you name it, and ended up here. Now can you imagin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/22 07:57 AM
44

Exactly. And I can't quite pinpoint it and would never say this in real life but you can definitely get a sense of when a boss or colleague is intentionally punishing you because they can't date you. It's not as overt as when it's a friend who has been waiting to swoop in but it's there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/22 04:40 AM
86

Yeah, I've had this happen in most of my relationships. It's my body getting the ick before my conscious brain is ready to acknowledge it and I used to gaslight myself with things like "that was just once, he's got so much potential!" or "I must have misunderstood, he's so nice!" 🤡 Now I know changes in physical attraction or my sex drive are the canary in a coal mine and it's time to leave.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/22 01:23 AM
172

Nope. I'll tolerate men in mixed groups but they don't get closer than acquaintances. And I don't care how nice a guy seems at work, they will always throw you under the bus when other men are around. I'll meet with them at the campus cafeteria or in the breakroom if they want to get lunch but never one on one again. And I used to be one of the "I just get along better with men" types and I still work in a heavily male-dominated industry. Right now I'm suffering the fallout of this and might mak…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/22 12:03 AM
361

I mean... yeah. Normally I'm on team block and delete but his wife deserves to know. He's probably been telling her he's working weekends to save up for a vacation or something. And an unevolved part of me is here for the pettiness. Sure, OP could message the wife over social media but some couples are super open about their profiles and he could easily delete the message or impersonate his wife and claim they have an open marriage.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/22 10:48 PM
317

WHY ARE MEN. I bet he's grossed out by seeing unused tampons in a box under the sink.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/22 05:33 AM
59

This is either a legit golddigger playing oblivious or something is seriously wrong with her ability to imagine their relationship in 5-10 years. Like, he's 80? Even if he's still able to live alone that'll change in the near future. Does she really want to be nursing her 90 year old husband when she's 40 and should be in the prime of her life? I don't remember who it was on the podcast but one of the ladies made a great point about age gaps when she said the age you meet him at is literally the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/22 10:49 PM
236

It's an immediate red flag for me if a man labels himself a feminist. Every single one has turned out to be a faux woke raging sexist, except they've gone a step further and integrated "feminist" into their identity so any course correction is viewed as an attack on their identity. Just avoid these types. Men can only be allies and allies don't get that label by intending to do better while quietly standing by.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/22 09:29 PM
274

The rAtiOnaL sEx strikes again. Guaranteed he finally got a signal from the woman at work that he interpreted as DTF after courting her for months. Things like selling a house and child support and a baby in NICU pale in comparison to the needs of muh penis.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/22 05:55 PM
216

These men are insane. He's out there looking for a sugar momma and all he has to offer is the audacity.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/22 07:34 AM
84

This is the way. I had some furniture delivered and insisted the two men leave it outside my (locked) apartment door and made sure they were in the elevator before I unlocked my door. I'm about to move again and will probably just donate items to Habitat for Humanity or something instead of dealing with Facebook marketplace or Craigslist for exactly these reasons. There's just so much risk. I even get weirded out when my Uber Eats driver is a woman and then a man claiming to be her boyfriend cal…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/22 07:16 AM
284

This, so much. Last week I found myself sitting across from my two 50-something year old male bosses, trying to explain why I needed help finding a mentor who understands exactly what it's like being the only woman in a conference room or Zoom call with 15 men and feeling that fight or flight instinct kick in, all while being hyper aware of the exits and your clothes and how much space you take up and why did I wear the confident perfume it smells too sexy today and and and. It's exhausting. Can…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/22 06:31 AM
263

Spot on. Those men who invade women's only spaces are trying to mimic the "not like other girls" they fantasize about by being "not all men" and thinking it makes them super attractive.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/22 06:11 AM
235

Walked out of a coffee date where the guy arrived before me and bought his own coffee. He spent 30 minutes first detailing the exact layout of his apartment and why that dictated the location of his cat's litter box and how he ended up with a cat he didn't want, then switched to pitching his crappy business idea (for which my background was more applicable than his, go figure). He had fuzzy yellow teeth like he hasn't brushed in 5 years and I could smell his breath across the table. Cut another …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/22 07:51 PM
442

So he averages spending $16-20 on dates when he covers the bill. In NYC!! His broke ass can't afford to date. And he's on roughly 4 dates a week. This is why we say make him invest. If he'd been investing in just a few women in 4 months he might have had a better outcome.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/22 03:40 AM
90

I think anger is a necessary phase to power you through leaving and cutting ties. Anger is separate and distinct from abuse or violence. Good people don't magically become abusive when they're angry and toxic people know how powerful anger can be so they cut you off from it and discourage it. After that, it was all therapy and journaling for me. I still need to read Why Does He Do That but I'm not ready for it yet. Things still come up several years later so I write them down to bring up with my…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/22 08:03 AM
98

Leave and buy a good vibrator. They'll never leave dishes in the sink
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/22 07:50 AM
6

And guaranteed he's the most unattractive one in the group photo. Every single time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/22 07:36 AM
107

A séance 💀
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/22 07:23 AM
284

So he's 50 with porn induced ED. She's 59 with the sex drive of a 25 year old (no shame here, get it girl!) and probably confident and secure AF. She's going to leave him and upgrade to a younger model who can keep up with her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/22 06:05 AM
51

Good lord. And I bet he thinks he's highly evolved.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/22 02:20 AM
80

"I'd let my boss blow me in her corner office!"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/22 02:14 AM
170

Ooh I dodged a nuke when I was like 21. I briefly dated a guy who was ~5 years older than me while I was in college. He "graduated" several years prior (but he was still taking undergrad classes?) and still worked at the coffee shop on campus. He was very careful to never let me see his driver's license so I never even knew his birthday and had to pry the info from friends. His ex was supposedly diagnosed with bipolar disorder, he never let me around his friends because I made him "feel old," an…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/22 01:28 AM
391

I've been thinking about this too! I haven't watched the Tinder Swindler but I'm almost done with Inventing Anna. He was a low key scam artist and scammed dozens of women into paying for his next target. She scammed several of her friends while masterfully talking her way into high society. She had to have done research on how old money carries themselves, orders wine, shops, etc. She pushed boundaries like a man and weaponized her femininity in an unethical but brilliant way. It's a lot of the …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/22 12:18 AM
126

Yup, it's all cOnsEnTuaL. Then they shouldn't have any issue proving she has other options like job offers from a legit company with a livable wage and benefits package.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/22 11:50 PM
322

Also needs a faux woke feminist. Features include "I only watch ethical porn" and "I haven't interrupted my female boss once all week"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/22 11:04 PM
36

His Highforeheadness Sis the way I screamed 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/22 10:11 PM
130

"WhAt dO yOu bRiNg tO tHe tAbLe" - millennial men/lazy villager. Guys I think Nintendo might be onto men 🤔
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/22 10:02 PM
63

So Squid Game rules apply. We have Lundy Bancroft so society would still have at least one man 🤷🏻 /s, but only a little
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/22 08:44 PM
94

Okay good! Keep an eye out just in case. Good call following your gut and looking him up!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/22 05:39 AM
229

Holy shit. Block and delete!! He has no idea where you live right? If he even knows the neighborhood, go stay with a friend for a few days
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/22 05:33 AM
154

"These women must be total dumbasses if they don't think something's up and haven't realized what's going on". I've posted about this before, there's a logical fallacy people fall into where they firmly believe things like their man having three other wives is something that only happens to those other people or those other families. Like the people whose neighbor ended up being a mass murderer and they all say "we never thought that could happen on our quiet little street." It's a protective st…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/22 05:19 AM
61

Ever notice how your background is always more relevant to their business idea than theirs, but they propose taking the lead and you're just a "partner"? Like what exactly is in this for me beyond giving blow jobs and "exposure"?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/22 05:13 AM
84

I met up with a guy once for a midday coffee date. At least it was supposed to be a date but he had gotten there early and paid for his own drink then spent like 30 minutes telling me how I could be an asset to his lame business ideas before I faked a phone call and bailed. He texted and called me at least 30 times over the next few hours to make dinner plans, then drink plans, then hookup plans, and finally lunch plans for the next day as it got later and later. He absolutely reeked of bad brea…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/22 04:45 AM
117

Guarantee that's not the reason his seventeen year relationship failed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/22 03:17 AM
281

Who's going to tell her this wasn't a gift for her? This was 100% for him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/22 12:05 AM
190

He's literally with her because she allows him to monologue and he doesn't have to bother himself with pesky things like her personality or wants and needs. That's not a relationship, she's a sex doll to him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/22 09:23 PM
33

Same boat. No kids, no shared assets, never changed my name, haven't had any contact since everything was finalized. I haven't started dating yet so I'm not really sure how to handle it. Eventually previous relationships will be loosely discussed so probably then in very general terms? I don't plan to hide it or lie by omission because I think how a man responds to this information is a great vetting tool. But I'm also not about to announce it on first or even fifth dates as it just isn't a majo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/22 09:20 PM
136

Tuesday cutoff for Friday dates or Wednesday for Saturday dates. Most good restaurants will be booked solid by then for normal dinner hours and he should be aware of that. Spontaneity really depends but probably not until we're official. It's easy to confuse with laziness or other plans falling through so it needs to be something well thought out. Personally I'm not a fan of surprises or last minute plans but it could maybe work if I knew vague details like the dress code and rough time frame. T…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/22 08:21 AM
48

This is a great resource! Just know if your state releases this information because some don't and don't assume a guy is clear just because nothing came up. My state for example doesn't allow for public searches of divorce records or arrests or anything useful but our voter registration is public, go figure.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/22 06:41 AM
83

It's at least a yellow flag if a man has traveled extensively as an adult and he's still in his 20s or 30s. Most of them don't have any real work experience or their gap year has been ten years or whatever so you'd need to figure out who paid for it and if he is even capable of settling down into a stable 9-5 if that's your lifestyle.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/22 06:30 AM
302

Completely agree. My apartment and soon to be my house are sacred. I've been in my current apartment for over a year and only maintenance has crossed the front door (one guy wore heavy cologne and I was pissed when I could smell it for several days). I'm in the process of buying a house and trying to get as much work done as possible before moving in so no one disrupts my peace. I get so much backlash about this boundary from pickme acquaintances and coworkers who know I live alone with a whole …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/22 05:43 AM
13

It does have one small caveat that it doesn't passively scan in the background like I believe the iPhone version does. You need to open the app and activate a scan and I hope the developers add that capability in the future.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/22 10:26 PM
86

I'm thinking an exiled king. Like he really fucked up and his people overthrew him. Give men like that an inch and he'll be peacocking around your house like he owns it
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/22 09:59 PM
177

Where are her grandparents? My granny would kick my ass back into the old country if I even considered this. Two generations ago men would court us, pay for everything, commit quickly, and the smart ones would give their wives their whole damn paycheck to run the house.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/22 09:56 PM
263

💯 And while we as women were taking advantage of every opportunity in the last few decades and catapulting past our male peers, they were getting addicted to porn. So we rapidly evolved in the last 30ish years while they branched off the evolution tree and became twisted and depraved. It's on them to catch up to us and not on libfems to bring us back down to their level.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/22 07:52 PM
134

Don't even bother sending her a gift. If you're really done with her I'd almost be petty enough to send a Venmo request for that $400 but the high road would be to write it off as an expensive lesson.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/22 07:16 AM
104

So reading between the lines, his wife is the breadwinner while he works on "his music" and his schedule allows him to work with his kids' school schedule? This sounds like pretty standard married life with kids.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/22 05:02 AM
195

And inflate their already bloated egos? Hard pass.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/22 02:14 AM
72

Right? Telling someone you love them and taking care of them immediately after abusing them is literally the definition of trauma bonding.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/22 01:32 AM
148

It's sheer entitlement on his side and conditioning on both the women's side, all thanks to porn. He saw another man "consentually" SA a woman so now his penis is entitled to that. And both women are victims of porn culture training us to think this is how men are intimate and we have to submit to these acts because he's entitled to them. Oh and anyone wanna bet he's going off to watch more porn after SA the girlfriend instead of doing "aftercare"?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/22 11:45 PM
372

The age gaps, the girlfriend being "willing to deal with" what amounts to SA, the abuser leaving the room and his wife to do the "aftercare" aka completing the trauma bonding cycle. Nothing about this isn't a glaring red flag. How can she even look at her husband knowing this is really what he's like? And what is she going to do when he renders the girlfriend unconscious or with physical injuries that need immediate medical attention?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/22 11:21 PM
11

That one put me off too. Lots of married couples probably should have gotten divorced but didn't. An intact family with no divorces ever (or they black sheep the one aunt who is divorced) could be a sign that the family sweeps hard conversations under the rug and everything will be superficial and outward appearances are more important than people's happiness. I've dated many men whose families fall into this category. Personally I'm grateful my parents divorced and my siblings and I had two nor…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/22 07:49 PM
92

I was wondering about the capitalization too! That's either a lot of work or a setting he hasn't figured out how to change in five years.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/22 02:49 AM
9

While I was in college: "Are you learning about xyz in your degree program? No? Then your degree is worthless" from my mother's husband. He was so eager to shut me down that he misunderstood my major and xyz wasn't even relevant to my degree but it was the only thing he knew about that was even tangentially related. Oh and he was a truck driver and I have two STEM degrees now. 🤷🏻
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/22 02:47 AM
661

I'm not surprised men like this exist. They'll blame the chargebacks on post nut clarity out of a messed up belief that they should have access to their own government-funded pornstar. I'm actually more annoyed at her manager for not taking over a belligerent customer after like 10 minutes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/22 01:36 AM
102

She's stunning. He has a pube beard and a receding hairline. Make it make sense.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/22 12:52 AM
198

What a smug scrote. I handled everything in my last relationship and it was never valued or appreciated. They just expect it. And you can't even enjoy the trip because it activates some deep seated people pleasing programming that we as women must make sure everyone is happy at all times. I planned an entire international trip with zero input from my ex because he was "good with whatever" only for him to mope three steps behind me the entire time because I gave on trying to get opinions from him…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/22 08:00 PM
17

Exactly. This has been discussed on the sub before with keeping a FWB as a HVW until you find someone to actually date. It's a waste of energy and not HV to maintain a sexual connection while looking to find and date other HV people.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/22 07:14 PM
64

HVM wouldn't do FWB. The BDE still stands but this guy wasn't HV.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/22 06:54 PM
374

I've run into a few versions of this. Several wanted independent women with their own passions so they could slowly take it away from the woman as a test of their control. Others seemed to think only men had the emotional depth to be passionate (usually meaning obsessive over sports or video games) and thought women's passions were superficial and only used to pass the time until a man came along. Gamers call their addiction a passion and think if you also say you're passionate about things then…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/22 03:31 AM
284

There's nothing superficial about expecting someone to match your effort. A guy can literally go get a haircut and pull together a nice outfit in the time it takes most of us to get ready from scratch.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/22 12:34 AM
99

He has pornsick eyes and a super punchable face
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 08:57 PM
280

Take the cash when you break up with his patronizing petty ass. This is emotional abuse - you know he'd pick fights and play the weaponized incompetence card to see how much she's willing to put up with for one shitty date with him. And if they had $100 left to spend he'd be taking cheap shots at her like "we could have gone to a nicer restaurant if you hadn't lost your temper" with that narc smirk. And the future faking with promising a nice date but with a controlling side of "only if you're a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 08:03 PM
53

Don't undersell yourself! Get your hourly fee plus 50% for an uncooperative client
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 07:35 PM
129

This is why we shouldn't tell men we go to therapy until you've done tons of vetting, even if you're in a good place mentally and it's more of a maintenance thing. There are way too many men out there who think therapy is just paying someone to talk at them and the act of talking is what cures them rather than all the work between sessions. I've legit had men say "you've been to therapy so tell me what your therapist told you" like therapy is a podcast and advice is one size fits all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 07:18 PM
217

All of your examples are proof that our conditioning is working so well that we gaslight ourselves out of our legitimate anger. It's a a perfect closed loop and we as women talk ourselves and other women into compliance, no man needed. I'm convinced swallowing our anger for so long causes lots of our physical health problems. Men have a monopoly on anger and successfully rebranded it as Not An Emotion. So get angry. It's a secondary emotion so look up the anger iceberg and dig into what it's pro…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 06:37 PM
150

They can't understand that we have lives and hobbies outside of them. They really seem to think we just go into a power saving mode waiting for their "wyd" text at 2am.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 05:39 AM
438

I'm also getting softboi vibes. He's fishing for reassurance that it really was out of his control like stores don't stock chocolate for the entire month prior to Valentine's Day and the flat tire was an act of god targeting him specifically. It's all passive voice. He's looking for his mommy to pat him on the head and say "it's the thought that counts." Like no, only good chocolate counts.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 03:44 AM
161

They're over there thinking their geriatric sperm is Michael Phelps.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 03:41 AM
97

Also something about his post feels like it’s not just sincere cute gushing about his gf but more some strange passive aggressive ‘haha my exes I found someone with lower standards than you’ thing. Maybe it’s the fact that the only compliment he gives her is that she’s docile and agreeable (as opposed to some intrinsic virtue like intelligent or funny or perceptive or creative) You're so right. There's a layer of contempt for his exes like "see I told you I didn't have to be better, she accepts …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 03:39 AM
451

Ooh this was my marriage. Doing things alone together. At six months in they're still in the honeymoon phase but just wait until something needs doing or planning. I planned basically every trip, move, and the whole damn wedding from my laptop sitting next to him while he gamed. Turns out life is way easier when you just do these things by yourself. ETA it could be anyone next to him and he'd love them because they leave him alone. It isn't even about what she does for him, it's what she doesn't…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 02:43 AM
482

Jordan Peterson is a joke. Like you, I was told my entire life that a career is only good to tide you over until a man comes along and decides to wife you up. I remember hearing this as young as my early teens. We're also reminded constantly that the biological clock is ticking and kids after 35 is an impossibility. Except we watched the actions of those saying these things and saw that they were trapped with LV men and took notes so we wouldn't end up the same. I know so many women who want to …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 02:25 AM
1080

"I'd do literally anything to keep her miserable except the bare minimum." Her newly single friends are leveling up. I hope she joins them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 01:44 AM
135

Watching this has been very activating for me too. I've always felt a sense of dread around their relationship and fear for her just because of his body language. It's textbook narcissistic abuse except instead of enlisting aunts and uncles he's enlisting basically all of social media and mainstream celebrity news. Narcissistic men see his rants and they snap right back to their last narcissistic wounding (usually a breakup or other perceived betrayal) and turn their collective anger from their …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 12:59 AM
125

Millennial here, boys in my class used to have competitions to name the original 151 Pokemon in order but couldn't tell you their mother's birthday. It prepared them for remembering all the names of the favorite pornstars puts on tin foil hat like that was the plan all along 🤔
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/22 07:00 PM
89

It's so creepy. OP did you match with the Joker's OLD profile?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/22 05:12 AM
252

There's something oddly intimidating about seeing that haha in all caps. It's like an aggressive laugh track.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/22 04:56 AM
209

Even shy men will pursue when they're interested and make their intentions known. Men actually aren't oblivious to flirting so there's nothing else you should do on your end, trust me he's noticed. If he wanted to, he would.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/22 04:55 AM
131

I'm so sorry your mom isn't an ally. You might need to put some distance between you while you access therapy and learn how to cut her off before she tells you things this destructive. This is such a common fallacy borne out of fear and thinking bad things only happen to other people or "not in my neighborhood." By pinning the blame on her coworker drinking too much your mom is convincing herself that it'll never happen to her because she would never allow herself to get that drunk. It's a prote…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/22 01:15 AM
239

Exactly! He probably just grunted at her to get out of the way so he could see the tv and she took that to mean agreement. Seriously though we need to get back to bird standards. So many species are monogamous and the male has to build a whole nest subject to her approval. Forget this "what do you bring to the table" mess from LVM, men need to build a whole damn house to our tastes knowing other men are competing for the same.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/22 01:03 AM
154

So they did process tests! Silly boys just extracted the wrong set of DNA. Easy mistake for trained professionals to make, I'm sure. /s ETA clarity
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/22 12:47 AM
841

Followed by "we've been together 7 years with plans of getting married" which means no ring. Anyone else hearing circus music? 🤡🎪
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/22 12:45 AM
54

Your boyfriend has bad taste. I've watched all of these except Ghostbusters and Charlie's Angels. Star Wars has a weird fan base. The first movies relied heavily on bad writing, bad acting, and whiny male protagonists set against fascinating world building. They reeee-ed about having to identify with a woman who was kind of a woman lite because of male writers. Captain Marvel and Brie Larson in particular really irritated the Marvel manosphere for reasons I really don't understand. It's a great …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/22 12:08 AM
277

Signed, A pornsick scrote who has never faced a consequence in his life and has never changed his Taco Bell order, let alone his opinions
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/22 10:33 PM
438

Ugh I've been to a country wedding in the southern half of the US where the bride wore a stunning lace gown, the bridesmaids wore full length gowns, and the groom and groomsmen wore faded jeans and cowboy boots. It was such a strange combination. The poor bride and her bridesmaids looked out of place at her own wedding. ETA I can't spell today
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/22 09:29 PM
113

Yep. With "effort" meaning "show love and appreciation to my wife for two whole hours to shut her up until her birthday." They don't even pretend to like their wives. And omg that cake is adorable!! Enjoy!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/22 08:17 PM
195

My male-dominated workplace has cheap roses available in the lobby 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/22 08:00 PM
184

Oh gosh what a scrote! And I know this feeling so well. My last birthday I wasted with my ex was like a year into the pandemic so I was really itching to go out and do literally anything. I spent all day making a super elaborate cake just because I wanted to and found out the the sushi restaurant nearby was set up for outdoor seating and had good Covid protocols so I made a reservation (yes, I, he never planned anything). I did my makeup and dressed up aaaand he didn't even bother to fix his hai…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/22 06:34 PM
553

This was me a few years ago. He's checked out, doesn't care about her, emotionally unavailable, but knows he benefits from stringing her along. All while he's expecting her to remain emotionally and sexually available while performing wife duties. You can't make someone check back in after they've checked themselves out. I hope she leaves him soon and realizes how draining this dynamic really is.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/22 05:23 PM
20

I'm glad you all made it out in one piece. This is so scary. Please keep an eye on your mental health in the coming months. It's only been a few days and signs of trauma can take weeks if not months or years to fully surface. I used to think the same thing about being lucid through horrible events but your fight/flight response can stay activated to protect you well after the threat has passed. Of course you know yourself best but please keep this in the back of your mind and consider therapy ev…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/22 05:15 PM
395

I was googling pickme questions like "how can I make him listen" in a vain attempt to prevent divorce and one of the results was an FDS post explaining that he already knows. It finally clicked for me because for years I would tell my ex "it's like you know better but you don't care better" (I was this close to getting it!). I was already a feminist and anti-porn after being involved with a few porn addicts so I spent the next few months reading the handbook and posts. It was just so refreshing …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/22 07:50 AM
133

JuSt cOmMuNiCaTe is cultural support of the male bumbler. They were there; they know. They just don't care and don't have empathy. And they really enjoy it when you painstakingly explain why you're hurt because they know they're getting away with making you feel like absolute shit and don't have to change a thing because you cOmMuNiCaTeD so the issue is now closed. The actual dictionary definition of communication doesn't even involve changed behavior so why would the cultural one?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/22 07:00 AM
139

This ad brought to you by Big Vacuum.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/22 02:22 AM
82

All of this and we're still in a pandemic! Can you imagine hooking up with someone who is infected only to risk battling Covid and/or long Covid and get HIV? All to not even orgasm. Just get silicone toys that'll never betray you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/22 12:06 AM
478

This is so sweet. I have hope for him becoming a full fledged HVM as long as he holds on to his last line "my mom was happy so it was worth it." That's exactly what we're looking for.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/22 12:02 AM
285

Love how the author uses the passive "we need a new strategy" line. We don't need a new strategy, we need to take ten steps back and ban porn and stop normalizing unprotected sex. Men aren't entitled to unprotected anal sex as an audition for a first date walk in the park.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/22 11:49 PM
104

Seconding this suggestion! If the job interests you and you like the idea of Boston, get your own place and find friends and hobbies on your own. If the job doesn't pay enough for that but pays enough to split rent with him then definitely don't go because you'll be financially trapped and unable to move out without finding a roommate if things go south.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/22 09:28 AM
41

Just take yourself out on a date at that point. No need to audition for a barnacle.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/22 12:58 AM
39

Then when you roast them back it's "iT wAs jUst a joKe" said through tears
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/22 12:56 AM
475

I swear I have trust issues from beardfishing. Nothing like finding out what you thought was perfect amount of scruff is actually a carefully constructed jawline 😫
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/22 12:53 AM
217

Bet his mommy told him he was funny once and no one gEts hiS sEnSe oF hUmOr
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/22 08:26 PM
203

Hold your boundaries and let the trash take itself out. Most men looking for Instagram or WhatsApp contacts are just orbiters and might hit you up in six months with a "wyd?" message at 11pm. Nothing will actually come of it and you absolutely don't have to audition with scrotes who probably use alt insta accounts for porn.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/22 08:15 PM
176

And some turn into sex pests at 2 AM with the full manipulation package. Nothing like being woken up by a dick stabbing your back before turning him down and putting pillows between you and waking up 30 minutes later because he's crying about feeling unloved his sex doll malfunctioning.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/22 07:23 PM
15

I'm not sure about iPhone, but on Android you can have two instances of WhatsApp, one for your real number and one for the Google voice/burner number! Go to Settings -> Advanced Features -> Dual Messenger and click the slider for WhatsApp. You can even use a separate contacts list. Now that I'm thinking about it, this would be a good thing to check if you snoop a guy's phone. 🤔
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/22 08:01 AM
300

Love this for her! Also need to know what hand cream sis uses because her hands don't look a day over 40 👀
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/22 04:38 AM
79

And a shout out to the silent older queens who watch out for us in the wild! I've started noticing how much I watch out for younger women when I pick up on creepy vibes and make myself available for that eye contact check in. I've been on the receiving end of it so many times and can't help but wonder about the times I didn't notice a guardian angel queen keeping an eye out for me and my friends.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/22 08:36 PM
212

If I meet a guy on OLD I keep all conversation on OLD until after the first date then he gets my Google voice number. New people I initially meet in person always get my Google voice number. At some point if I feel comfortable I'll give them my real number but I don't have a fixed time frame for that. People can learn way too much with just your phone number. Lots of men try to get us off the apps so we can't report their behavior (even though they rarely see consequences).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/22 08:26 PM
101

Ugh yes. And watch for the passive aggressive ones who reply to your opinions with things like "lol interesting." I just had to cut off a long term male friend for this and other things. And they get hella defensive if you express an opinion! We're both in our early 30s and I was excited to finally be able to level up and replace the last of my crappy Craiglist furniture from my 20s and he got all defensive with "whAt dO yoU mEaN?" because he has a nasty 15 year old couch and uses moving boxes f…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/22 07:56 PM
175

I was cheering her on at that point 😂 Sounds like just another scrote who wanted to revisit his college days before his wife has their first baby.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/22 07:21 AM
58

So are sex toys and they're drama free
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/22 06:10 AM
716

Good on her. Calling him a boomer for complaining about a super normal living situation for a 22 year old is hilarious and I'm glad she cut him off instead of gaslighting herself or letting him do it. It doesn't matter if that's his mother or an ex wife on the property records, he's hiding something. Hopefully she's learned not to date older men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/22 04:31 AM
1

What would you gain by asking that his actions wouldn't tell you instead? He can say he's fine waiting until the end of time if he thinks that's what you want to hear, but turn around and confuse you when he's pushy or suggestive.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/22 10:13 PM
181

If it's real and the photos aren't deepfakes, it's absolutely revenge porn. They've probably seen each other at the office since and she didn't blow him on her desk so he's punishing her. He's power tripping on dominating his boss because he can't act like a normal human when a woman has rank over him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/22 10:08 PM
87

I was actually just thinking about this last weekend when I started watching Lupin on Netflix. It's supposed to be a retelling of a classic French story about a "gentleman" thief and he's an absolute scrote in the Netflix version. He's well dressed, in shape, and fairly attractive (so all the things men believe are high value) but has a kid with his forever girlfriend and flakes on them constantly and puts them in danger. I gave up after season 1 because it's trash and spectacularly fails the Be…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/22 07:38 PM
62

"I have a college fund for him but it's totes fine if I have to use it to bail him out of jail and pay legal fees instead. Anything for my baby boy!"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/22 06:05 AM
642

"Where can I find fair trade organic non-GMO human trafficking?"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/22 03:16 AM
171

Why would we build ourselves up in a system designed for us to fail only to turn around and give a man a leg up when they've had every privilege? Remember that women earn $0.82 for every dollar a man makes and it's worse for WOC. It's literally more expensive for you to help a man than it is for him to help himself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/22 06:30 PM
3

I'm curious to know her side of the story but it sounds like they're just incompatible in pretty much every way. She's career driven with a full life and he wants someone who is more home and family oriented. He could still be a total scrote who's lying about his chore contribution. And we don't know how or why they got together, like if she supported him through school and now it's her turn but they've grown apart over time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/22 06:22 PM
400

Spot on. I experienced the same thing with a FWB back in college where I was flirting with other guys and gave one my number because FWB = single. The FWB sulked the rest of the week but couldn't say or do anything about it because he didn't want to date me 🤷🏻 ✨scrote logic✨
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/22 05:24 PM
17

Omg that's awful that she would shamelessly tell you ten years later and still not have grown as a person or done any self reflection. And the subtle messaging that she wouldn't have believed you if something like that had ever happened to you is so damaging. I'm sorry your mom sucks.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/22 05:08 PM
287

It has to be an 8 wearing glasses so sHe dOesN't kNow sHe's bEauTiFuL or some shit
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/22 07:12 AM
181

Right? Like yeah he makes decent money but he's male living in a patriarchy. That's kind of the point. He has to really try to screw up to not be moderately successful. And you notice how everything is passive voice with this type? He did x and has y, sure, but how did he do it? What motivated him? Let's see that personality and drive and not what was handed to him on account of having decent genes and a dick.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/22 07:09 AM
595

This is why we say don't pursue a man. Those "7s and 8s" he's bragging about reek of desperation and the 10s he's probably trying to hit up see right through him to the little boy that needs a trip to therapy instead of visiting all of the continents. Also, "chicks" 🤢
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/22 05:14 AM
265

What about asking your 11 year old son where he learned about porn? Was it friends or his older brothers? How did he know about or find the site? Are there any positive male influences in his life demonstrating how to treat women? Are there parental controls on his devices or on the home network? This "we talked I talked at him while he thought about porn so everything is solved!" is childish magical thinking. They've got a perv in the making and parents who will "not my baby boy" their way thro…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/22 04:53 AM
25

Right there with you. They're blocked on every platform so the most I'm expecting is a call from a mortuary or police detective one day. Not my circus anymore.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/22 01:34 AM
29

They've been flagging mine as posted by a male. Guess I translate scrotese too well 🤷🏻
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/22 10:40 PM
216

Publicly sharing fantasies? Ya nasty. "I can't walk up a flight of stairs anymore without losing my breath" "Mommy hasn't called me handsome since my freshman year homecoming dance" Next.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/22 07:29 PM
287

Say it with me now: projection
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/22 07:08 PM
22

Same. I'm actually glad my LV stepdad was in the military when I was a kid. We spent a lot of time around their families while they were deployed and I saw everything. Now any military or law enforcement is a hard no even after they've separated and changed careers.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/22 06:31 PM
139

Nothing but truth here. As a former pickme who was tricked and fell for a LVM's potential, I can't unsee that dynamic in just about every relationship I see in real life and remember, that's the good side they show publicly. It's always worse behind the scenes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/22 07:56 AM
463

One of my friends does this too. Personally I'd rather not give strangers fap material or have to wade through those messages.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/22 12:40 AM
11

Not really. You get to be the maid while he goes and has sex with other women. And you might not find out the full extent of his pornsickness and "kinks" until you're legally tied to him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/22 12:30 AM
249

Not me, but on the other hand I've lost count of how many scrotes and LV people I've dodged or cut off and it's glorious.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/22 11:54 PM
285

Spot on. I also love "I'll know it when I see it" and watching their reaction.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/22 09:27 PM
471

The handbook advises 3+ months of exclusivity. Paired with not telling him your personal timeline, LVM get frustrated and their mask slips. A guy even asking "so when are we having sex?" is a red flag because he's trying to bypass your strategy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/22 08:48 PM
1425

I let him know that I wanted to wait to have sex until we were more serious and in an exclusive relationship We avoid this by never saying this. We think we're being transparent while all he heard was "keep up the facade and ask me to be your girlfriend in a few weeks" which is an incredibly easy goal for a guy who wants to get his dick wet. And never say "I want to wait x months" either. Same deal, you're literally telling him your vetting strategy. Just keep that to yourself and keep him guess…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/22 08:41 PM
41

Yeah he's got her on a pedestal and projected his dream woman all over her. For four years! Of course he took her for cheap Italian, his dream woman likes it and her wanting to go somewhere else was just an aberration to be corrected.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/22 06:36 PM
138

This is what 97% of the couples in my city look like. Bunch of overgrown toddlers plodding along three steps behind their girlfriends so they can check out other women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/22 05:00 AM
397

"You seem remorseful." Uhh no he doesn't. Remorse would look like privately going to therapy and never telling a soul. This is bragging that he got away with it and still thinks about it over a decade later.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/22 12:15 AM
11

Pizza puffs out of an air fryer are nostalgia of the gods. These scrotes are microwaving their pizza puffs like heathens.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/22 08:58 PM
10

What a scrote! Omg. That sounds so scary and I'm sorry you experienced that. Good riddance to shitty men who can't even be bothered to check if we're alive and conscious.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/22 07:42 AM
6

Thank you ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/22 07:36 AM
29

I think it's another side of the same problem. What N/LV men are attracted to and what they want in a relationship are mutually exclusive. They claim to be attracted to independence and uniqueness and what have you but can't handle it. Then they pick women who either raise their status in some way or are a challenge to be broken, sometimes both. They've been fed the narrative that their masculinity should be overpowering and that their *particular* brand of masculinity should take up all the spa…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/22 10:35 PM
102

Of course they're telling her to cOmMuNiCaTe. Except there's nothing to talk about because he's putting in basically no effort and getting everything in return. He has no incentive to do more because he's a scrote and wouldn't receive more. Water always meets its own level. And this is why "multiple essay messages and 30 min voice notes" is a complete waste of your time. He has time to craft his responses and cultivate a persona while using her for emotional labor, all while she thinks they're r…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/22 09:32 PM
67

And an animal she literally grew up with and has known she was a little girl! It's a huge part of her and she's going to be devastated when her horse passes away and she'll need a strong support network to process that loss. This guy is incapable of loving anything that much.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/22 07:46 PM
169

Men are unhinged. They get into relationships with women who have deal breakers like pets and instead of saying "hmm no this isn't for me" like a rational person, they see it as a challenge to break the woman. I hope she ditches the man and gets back to her horse and friends. Guarantee her horse is sweeter and more loyal than any scrote.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/22 07:25 PM
115

I wish I'd known this 10 years ago. My then-boyfriend took a few days off work to take care of me when I had surgery. Except he closed himself in his office to game with noise cancelling headphones on and couldn't hear/ignored me calling for him and couldn't hear/ignored his phone. I pushed myself too hard during recovery because he made it clear I couldn't rely on him. A few months later he had to go to the ER for appendicitis but was being a child about it and refused to go for several hours. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/22 07:20 PM
59

Very good point. Especially his mom though since men will villainize mothers (single and the ones who stayed) and support the worst fathers because they're still men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/22 06:59 AM
97

Honestly, any attachment style that isn't secure. That's not to say that all avoidants have a personality disorder or mental illness, but every single man I've encountered who appeared to have a personality disorder also had attachment issues.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/22 05:56 AM
688

He was jealous of her job and decided to knock her down a peg rather than feel any of his negative feelies.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/22 01:00 AM
63

I'm sure applying capitalism to the Madonna-whore complex will be just fine. Men definitely won't want to dominate the women they see as Madonna's because they feel entitled to an untarnished set of holes. And there's no need to vet the women signing up for this because they're eMpOwEreD sex-positive free thinkers who have other more lucrative career options. 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/22 11:46 PM
20

I'm here for this hot take. It sends the message to women that something is wrong with us if we don't go through a level up revenge montage without therapy or telling another soul before reclaiming our sexuality by hooking up with a total stranger and never thinking about the SA ever again. These writers clearly have never been trusted to hear someone's SA story. And at the same time it sends a not so subtle message to men that women almost need to be SA'd to become badasses. It's an even more d…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/22 05:54 PM
84

We should sponsor the animals who eat the cockroaches instead. Support our fellow queens and their consorts (no kings here, sorry scrotes 😘)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/22 08:12 AM
199

I know. I just want to be able to randomly pick any TV show or movie on any platform and not have to check doesthedogdie.com and parents' guides and basically read the whole plot and spoilers to find out if I'm going to be activated by something that shouldn't even have been written in the first place. Then I side eye the entire cast and crew for signing up to film it. Then I side eye the platform for producing and airing it (looking at you, Game of Thrones and HBO). When all I wanted to do was …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/22 08:04 AM
49

I'd stop and not mention anything about it. Continue vetting and see if he asks.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/22 05:33 AM
179

Wifey shit. I'm your future. Used to cook for and with him and even helped with meal prep on Sundays before going back to my apartment. Eventually those dates start to disappear once you move in together because "you can cook better than the restaurant!" I divorced him last year.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/22 05:01 AM
278

It’s funny how women never ask men to show up with their body on display and yet men have the audacity to tell us to do so. "Hey, do you think this shirt goes better with a grey or navy suit? I have that big interview tomorrow with the director" "The director is a woman right? You have to wear the grey sweatpants! Show off that dick! Walk right up to her desk and rest your junk on it so she sees how serious you are!"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/22 04:26 AM
18

"but you haven't talked to meeeeeeee " Love me some wine and apps with good company! Just not the vast majority of people I run into and work with on a daily basis
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/22 04:13 AM
204

"I know you're miserable and probably getting ready to leave me, but will you pleeeeeaaaaase dress up like my favorite porn star just once before you go?"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/22 04:09 AM
76

I don't want to talk to anyone in real life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/22 03:46 AM
262

What a terrible mother. She betrayed her daughter's trust to save some manchild who was about to fall off the gravy train. Her daughter probably didn't even tell her the worst of it because her mother is dismissive. And now her daughter is the one who is homeless instead of some freeloading scrote. I hope this young woman finds her footing and her people so she can cut off this disgusting excuse of a mother.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/22 09:59 PM
45

Nice isn't a personality trait, it's a behavior people can turn off and on. Extreme example, but it's why some people are nice to friends but abusive towards waitstaff and people they perceive as "below" them. You deserve someone who is in your corner. Even if he disagrees, a HV man will take your side and defend you but raise his concerns later in private, especially against his family and friends. You should be able to present as one unit. Him standing by silently is literally the most passive…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/22 09:47 PM
100

Your boyfriend and his friends suck. Being vegan, a climate change activist, what have you - those are political stances that say nothing about someone's actual personality. They're worth as much as a bumper sticker since that's how much information they really know about the subject. Your boyfriend chooses to keep shitty people around and you're paying the price of his bad decisions and boundaries. That's not fair nor should it be expected of you. You've been together during your formative year…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/22 09:25 PM
450

Yeah she's "tight" because she's dry AF from smelling his stank breath while he repeats the laziest dirty talk from the last porn he watched in a vain attempt to get his broken dick to work.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/22 07:21 AM
103

I bet he hit or is about to hit the wall hard. They got together when he was 26 and she was 20 and he probably thought he could get a few years with a hot college girl before going along on his merry fuckboi way. Even post-baby she probably still looks great while his receding hairline is picking up momentum.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/22 07:13 AM
75

Lots of reasons. Wife issues ultimatum about going to therapy so he goes but does the bare minimum. Some go for validation, especially from another man they perceive as an expert, so they can twist it and throw it back in their partner's face like "see I went to therapy and they said you're the problem." Others think therapy is just talking about your problems and don't have the self awareness to actually do the work, or they think just telling someone that their dad was a deadbeat magically era…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/22 08:51 PM
368

Of course you see this rhetoric from men. If they can convince you to think no men are capable of waiting for sex then you might be worn down enough to settle for them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/22 08:24 PM
406

No, she's packing her child's lunch every day and then sleeping with him every night 🤢
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/22 07:46 PM
103

I love this. This is exactly the energy I've been channeling and cultivating and y'all LV people do not like it and will do anything to tear you down. Divorce upends your life in every way because how can you leave your relationship and level up when you're also experiencing the same things at work or in your friend groups or in your family? You have to disassemble everything in your life that led you to this point, examine all of it, and only keep what serves you. You'll lose people and parts o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/22 06:11 PM
114

Same experience here with male "friends." I'm a big fan of naming and shaming so I told the entire friend group about one guy groping me. I got to see which "friends" would look the other way and excuse his behavior so it turns out he wasn't entirely useless.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/22 06:48 AM
523

he wanted to try to be celibate until 2022 after his therapist advised him to take a break from having kids Even his therapist knows he's community dick. Ew.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/22 05:27 AM
204

We really need a cultural shift for older women (not that 30 is even old). The fact that the patriarchy demonizes the wisdom and life experience that come with age shows how afraid men are of women's power and confidence. Even young divorcees are labeled jaded and are othered so younger women don't go to them for relationship advice.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/22 02:51 AM
216

The fact that dad bods are glorified where women are expected to bounce back when they're the ones who actually grew and birthed a whole human kind of says it all
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/22 10:46 PM
1

DM'ed!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/22 10:10 PM
248

Trust your gut above all else. Your subconscious is constantly scanning your environment and piecing things together that your conscious mind doesn't notice but your body will always let you know. If it feels wrong it is wrong. And if you're out of touch with your intuition for whatever reason, get into therapy, somatic body work, meditation, whatever it takes to reconnect with yourself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/22 09:56 PM
220

These men are trash. They don't bother pursuing custody so they end up paying child support and complaining about it. Money equals control and access in their minds so they can't understand why they have to pay while not having full control and unlimited access to their ex and kids.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/22 07:17 PM
431

Completely agree. She's wealthy enough to have a baby on her own and pay for an entire support staff without being legally tied to a man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/22 05:06 PM
39

There's some posts in the handbook about sex and physical intimacy and you'll probably find a range of personal preferences here. A guy bringing up the subject of sex is something of a yellow flag, especially very early on if you haven't even kissed yet or if you're not exclusively dating. A lot of it is having a very solid sense of what you're looking for and comparing him against your list. If he brings up sex and that's months down the line for you, now you know you're already incompatible be…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/22 06:08 AM
123

I think it's fine to say you're looking for a serious relationship but leave it at that. If he says he does too then you can watch to see if his actions match his words. The problem here was she told him she doesn't have sex until commitment and gave him a goal to reach. And if a guy asks what type of man you're looking for, you can say you're looking for authenticity or that you'll know it when you see it. That keeps vetting power in your hands.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/22 04:52 AM
45

I ordered some chocolate from a local shop and will probably treat myself to a new plant and go out for dinner a few days before or after the actual day.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/22 02:56 AM
289

Yep. It's a precursor to physical abuse. Those men are just using their cars in a way to scare you (and everyone else on the road) without actually touching you. Same types who punch walls in your presence. Both will end up turning toward you eventually. This guy knew she'd be a captive audience after he brought up his need for sex because they drove together and tried to use that time to coerce her. It's not clear if that happened during the date or during the drive, but this is where it'd be w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/22 11:37 PM
1192

I'm glad you held your boundaries and cut him off. Is he blocked and deleted now? In the beginning, I told him I’m looking for a ltr with emotional connection and won’t engage in casual sex until I’m comfortable with someone and feel committed to them. Don't do this in the future. You gave him your playbook and told him your vetting criteria. You got lucky here and he crumbled, but some men can keep up the facade for months knowing there's sex waiting for them after they feign commitment and you…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/22 10:49 PM
147

The Superbowl and sports culture in general is baffling and full of contradictions. Men claim to not have an eye for design but lose their minds when their team changes their uniforms. They don't remember wedding anniversaries or their kid's middle names but remember everything about their team's history and player stats. They shit on their wife's hobbies, especially things like astrology and crystals, but insist on painting their faces and wearing a jersey with another man's name on it for good…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/22 09:54 PM
125

I haven't received a Valentine's Day gift from a partner since high school. I let my ex husband convince me "he wasn't good at gifts" in the first six months of our relationship so I could never complain because "he told me what he was like." Thanks for the reminder! I just placed an order with a local chocolatier to treat myself 😊
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/22 08:53 PM
40

Truth. His side of the sheets always turned yellow within a few months and I washed them weekly. That's either funk or audacity 🤷🏻
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/22 08:43 AM
65

Oh he absolutely was. Now I'm scrote-free and pay for delivery whenever I'm feeling lazy and don't wanna go to the store, best of both worlds 😁
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/22 02:43 AM
127

Even for their own stuff! Somehow my ex would "forget" what brand of shampoo or face wash he used, like sir you look at that bottle every day
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/22 02:37 AM
313

It takes way less effort to drop the man and just go to the store yourself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/22 02:31 AM
105

Now I'm wondering if he told the bakery they ordered the cake and cupcakes from about his plan. He was probably smug af about how brilliant he is 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/22 02:10 AM
714

Absolutely. And he had the confidence to commit his first act of overt abuse at their wedding in front of everyone and a photographer, knowing some of them would defend his actions and try to shame her into staying. Abuse in private is evil enough and doing this in public is next level. And some abusers specifically target strong women because it's more satisfying for them to break our independence. Good on her for having the boundaries and clarity to leave him. He really thought he had her lock…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/22 09:34 PM
209

"Is there anything I can do to avoid the consequences of decisions I made to manipulate someone's boundaries and standards?" Fucking lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/22 12:36 AM
91

The negativity across reddit is what made me curious to come on over and see what all the man tears were about. But seriously, some of the handbook is harsh out of necessity because our reality living as women is harsh. Some of it made me turn away at first, but the parts I did read stuck with me and eventually drew me back in. I can't be the only woman who had that experience and clearly we're still gaining members so the mod team is doing something right.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/22 11:16 PM
218

It took me way too long to learn this. I'm a night owl so I always figured I might as well do something social if I'm awake. But nothing good happens after 10pm and second locations are never a good idea so don't even bother with the bar after dinner. The only exception is very close friends on occasion.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/22 10:37 PM
178

You didn't overreact. He should know your dietary restrictions and preferences like a month in. And I've ditched men for this before too. I'm lactose intolerant and always got milk chocolate along with the drugstore teddy bear on Valentine's Day. It takes all of 5 seconds to check an ingredients list.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/22 02:52 AM
25

The backfooting from narcs is something else. It's so far removed from how a normal person thinks and behaves that you'll always be made to feel five steps behind when really they're on a different train of thought in another world. I'm pretty sure Dr. Ramani's ex husband is a narc? I hate that she had to experience that and I'm in awe of her strength to put her experience and research out in the world.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/22 07:36 PM
42

I read two different books back to back last year from different authors that actually fit together perfectly. The first was Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents and it's been recommended all over the FDS subs for good reason. If you grew up with this vague sense of something missing but telling yourself you had the physical necessities and there wasn't any overt abuse, this book fills in those pieces. Emotional neglect is hard to identify and kids don't know what they're missing exact…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/22 07:23 PM
180

Yes, you will always lose. True narcissism is a facade built up around a seed of deep insecurity and low self esteem. Every person who "abandons" them (ie breaking up) triggers a narcissistic wounding that causes them to double down on their delusions. If you run into them after a break up they'll have spun ten more stories about how you're a horrible person and they're the victim and they'll know how to quietly trigger you to make you look like the crazy one. There's no way to be near a true na…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/22 06:37 AM
23

Just goes to show how useless SAHDs are, especially this one since his wife funded his passion project affair. Clearly the daughters took after their working mother and grandparents despite him claiming he was present and crowning himself "a pretty good dad."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/22 05:41 AM
311

This entire read is delicious. However this got my blood boiling: "I'm waiting for my daughters to grow up and reach out" They're more grown up than he is now. Recognizing when someone has utterly broken your trust and having the insight to know that it's irreconcilable is emotional maturity. These women have secure attachment styles and know there's no coming back. And there's no amount of life experience than will make them see him as a sympathetic character in this situation. In fact him havi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/22 01:19 AM
24

The only possible variation is he starts dating this other woman and proceeds to cheat on her too because he's a scrote, but then we just pick up at him moving back to his parents' basement and complete the circle of scrotery.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/22 06:14 PM
105

Exactly! All of the women I know who are into beer have actual taste buds and preferences for things that aren't sold as a 30 pack in gas stations.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/22 06:09 PM
222

Right? They forgot about all the houseplants and we can definitely do better than BudLight (projection, much?) but otherwise yeah post-divorce/single by choice life is pretty good.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/22 05:57 PM
697

Here's how this will actually play out: he moves back home and dates the other woman, she realizes he's a scrote within 3-6 months and dumps him, he moves into his parents' house and gains back all the weight and then some before crawling back to OP, who will by then be living her absolute best life and forgot he existed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/22 06:44 AM
139

Oh god this just dislodged a memory from college and it's kind of off topic but damn does everyone need to know this is out there. I briefly dated a momma's boy and she would call him on Sunday mornings to ask him if he needed to change his sheets. The first time I witnessed this I stared at him while he was on the phone and afterwards asked what that was all about because I saw him do his laundry before. Apparently that was her way of asking if he'd finally lost his virginity. Like what in the …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/22 08:17 PM
181

I've heard similar sentiments from men before and I have so many questions. Do they not think we can tell the difference between the average man's decorating skills compared to the average woman's? We can tell when a man's apartment has been decorated by another woman and start wondering when she left, if she ever left, did they own the place together, did her money pay for the decor, or was this a multi-girlfriend effort over several years (like if one spruced up the bathroom and another the ki…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/22 08:09 PM
34

At least for me, I look back and see exactly the point where I couldn't ignore my intuition anymore. That's when I started questioning everything and everyone and found FDS as well as a good therapist. But before that, I was a doormat, a people pleaser, and a pickme. They're just different faces of the some persona - a doormat for family; a people pleaser for friends, teachers, and at work; and a pickme for relationships and men. I mentally add an asterisk to the term pickme and it reads somethi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/22 05:48 PM
188

The way I screamed at "when my momma finally got me outta her basement" 💀
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/22 02:41 AM
6

I check out OLD every so often but this is just a bad idea if you're actually looking for a relationship. You've already had "naughty" conversations with this guy after several days and told him sex is just beyond the exclusive/committed relationship line. Never tell them this or anything like "I wait three/six months" or whatever your preference is. You've already given him your entire handbook. This is how you get fast commitment from a guy and ghosted the morning after you have sex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/22 01:15 AM
286

Something that makes their future spouse feel loved, valued, and happy whenever she looks at her hand for the duration of their marriage and might become a treasured family heirloom one day? $1k max. A gaming rig that'll be obsolete in less than a year when new graphics cards are released? They'll drop $10k without thinking. Guess which one he values.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/22 12:47 AM
191

Calling it petulant vulnerability is just chef's kiss. It's so accurate. I love that these discussions are happening in places like TikTok. Sis came armed with receipts and I don't know a single woman who can't relate to any of the examples given about this behavior. Men really seem to think vulnerability is transactional and they've weaponized it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/22 06:52 PM
47

$4 wouldn't get him a wink from a prostitute yet scrotes expect us to enthusiastically give them total access to our bodies for the price of something most people pick up while running errands. Make it make sense.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/22 01:24 AM
72

I haven't listened to the episode yet so apologies if this was discussed, but I want to know how many men are the middle ground. Like if they were about to move back in with their parents or were living there already and their parents arranged for them to live somewhere else. I know of two men who were like this. One was getting divorced and his wife kept the house so his parents set him up in a rental property they owned at no cost to him. The other moved back home after college so his parents …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 07:46 PM
61

He only talks about himself, and is a MAJOR sympathy fisherman. Think emo teen that grew up physically, but not at all emotionally. I'm ghosting a guy I knew from college for this reason. All he ever sends is "hope your day was better than mine" with zero explanation and complaints about his job and apartment when he's done nothing to improve either situation. At first I was neutrally supportive ("good luck with that," etc.) before getting a little snarky and responding with perks about my job t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 07:47 AM
81

Oh of course. Mine definitely did, he just neglected to tell them about the part where we had an argument in the pillow aisle at Ikea because I wanted some colorful throw pillows in our grey on grey apartment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 04:34 AM
571

"My nest needs a fEmiNiNe tOuCh but you need to pay for it with your feminine money because I'm not paying for things that I use daily and improve my quality of life"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 03:35 AM
146

Glad he's getting destroyed. I was cheering sis on for the second dresser (life's too short to share) and rugs! And a soap dispenser is unnecessary? 🤢
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 03:32 AM
294

You know this cheap scrote would complain if she had a bachelor pad with only a bed, couch, and Playstation like him. I hope she kicks him out and lives happily ever after in her beautifully furnished apartment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 03:11 AM
26

Exactly. After almost two years we're well into "if we don't laugh, we'll cry" territory.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/22 02:50 AM
112

Exactly and there's no way to protect against something like that. The hypervigilance required to watch out for yourself and your friends getting injected just isn't worth it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/22 10:23 PM
229

I've noticed this as well. Once long term lockdown started looking like a reality around May or June 2020 I noticed a lot more women giving up on risky social activities and working on their mental health and close friendships and home improvements instead. Meanwhile scrotes just kept scroting along and turned to video games and walk dates and porn. Women were already light years ahead of men before the great panini plus it definitely accelerated the wall for lots of men. I'm here for it but I'm…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/22 09:45 PM
288

I really dislike how the article repeatedly says she cheated when we have no indication that she was exclusive with anyone. This is just a queen who knows her worth and kept a scrotation until she found a good one. The Daily Mail is trash peddling more trash that women shouldn't keep their options open.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/22 07:43 PM
14

I love it! My cats are judgy af when I sing. But that's the scrote free life, our pets are free to judge and we're free to keep being our awesome selves with zero interference.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/22 07:38 PM
12

I have CPTSD and have been misdiagnosed with anxiety and depression in the past as well as talked with my therapist about the possibility of ADHD but haven't been evaluated. My experience with CPTSD and what I've read on forums and subreddits is exactly what you describe - that the anxiety, depression, ADHD, sometimes even bipolar or BPD, can all be symptoms of CPTSD depending on what's been activated. If you factor in the disordered attachment common among folks with CPTSD it's really easy to s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/22 07:16 PM
121

I get where she's coming from but it's just a way to rationalize women's OLD experiences when really it's just that men are overwhelmingly N/LV and many women have given up on OLD in favor of doing literally anything else productive or fulfilling.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/22 06:34 PM
227

It's less a rediscovery than returning home to myself, but younger parts of me reemerged once I felt safe after my divorce and now I sing, dance around my apartment, and have coloring books and kinetic sand and fidget toys around. I finally have space to question my initial reactions to things and deprogram a lot of traits and reactions I was told I had but don't. I can have Zoom calls with my therapist on the couch rather than hiding in my office with headphones on. My CPTSD is still there but …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/22 01:50 AM
69

So many. I'm keeping a lifeline out for my sister who was a backup sex option for an ex when his date with another woman didn't end in sex. A friend who refuses to go anywhere without her boyfriend who is 25 years her senior and still pays alimony to his ex. Friends who disappear for months during the honeymoon phase only to pop back up when his mask starts slipping. A friend who had a baby with a one night stand and went to couple's therapy before marrying the scrote. So many awesome women have…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/22 01:35 AM
158

I love the YouTube channel "Dad, How Do I?" Of course we have no idea what happens behind the scenes but the creator appears to be a good role model in the videos. He has such a loving, kind vibe and has all sorts of videos explaining how to do things like basic car maintenance, cooking, using household tools, etc., that some of us might not have learned.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/22 12:52 AM
28

The HPV vaccine isn't bulletproof and only protects against four strains. There's also no HPV test for men and there's no tests for mouth or throat or really anything but the cervix so condoms really only work to a certain extent.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/22 05:12 AM
444

The smartest of our grandfathers would hand their paychecks to our grandmothers to run the house and take care of the family. It was an unspoken fact that some of that money would go into a "fuck off" stash in case the man did something stupid. This is the only way to handle a single income household when there's kids and a stay at home mom in which the kids and mom actually benefit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/22 01:22 AM
63

In hindsight, we really should have called it a day and restarted civilization as soon as "hubby" and "wifey" got plastered on merchandise around ten years ago. It's all been downhill since then.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/22 12:10 AM
73

Eww. Weirdly I don't mind babe once the relationship is established but baby drives me up a wall. It's just gross.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/22 07:51 PM
161

Oh god 🤢 nothing like hearing a nickname usually used by dads and father figures to make you dry up faster than the Sahara 💀
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/22 07:48 PM
261

That's... such a dumpster fire of a comment that I hope you just slowly backed away from him. Like wtf 🤢
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/22 07:36 PM
30

Tell me you've never put a dish in the sink without telling me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/22 07:29 PM
907

Hearing a grown man refer to an adult woman as a girl is an instant ick. He doesn't view women as equal and infantilizes them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/22 07:08 PM
231

That raised the alarm for me too after too many men asked me to teach them how to cook. Now I don't tell anyone, their loss.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/22 04:41 AM
46

I'm 100% serious, she already is after her ex scrote tried to ruin her life. Now she's with a slightly less shitty scrote and thinks she hit the jackpot 🤷🏻
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/22 10:39 PM
304

He said he could not be honest bc I'm an overreactor, just like how I'm overreacting now "I knew you'd be mad about this totally rational thing to be mad about so I made it worse by taking away your autonomy when I didn't tell you and what do you mean there are consequences? It's your fault you found out"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/22 10:34 PM
144

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 They are vampiric! I'm watching this now with a friend who is in her late 20s and about to marry this old scrote in his 50s. He's. Still. Paying. Alimony. So it's not even like she has financial incentive for how much he's aged her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/22 10:05 PM
76

I remember all of the widowed grandmothers at my childhood church would cluster together during services so the widowers would leave them alone. None of the women ever glanced at another man and they lived out their golden years with other elderly women and their families. All the men were just looking for a nurse because their families were sick of their shit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/22 04:59 AM
418

And when exactly are we supposed to disclose our boundaries and preferences for first date hookups or casual sex? A call while in the Uber to his house so the driver hears everything? In the line at Starbucks when he makes you pay for your own coffee? While we're walking in heels at the park in 95°F because he conveniently forgot to make dinner reservations? It's all doublespeak and Madonna/whore complex. Sex dolls don't have needs or boundaries and only sex dolls have coffee date hookups so cle…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/22 01:47 AM
68

Ugh I know, that's the part where all the queens just walk out and boycott the movie. Instead my former people pleasing self got triggered into doing the full pickme dance something fierce.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/22 01:34 AM
279

The biggest red flag from my ex mother-in-law was so subtle I didn't notice it until the divorce years later. She simply said "you're good for him." Not "you're good together" or "you make a good team." "You're good for him" implied that I had been deemed a worthy addition into his life, my wants and needs be damned. It explained his protagonist syndrome if he'd been raised under that narrative. Ultimately she knew he was a manchild and a momma's boy and would just flounder in life until someone…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/22 12:36 AM
94

Same boat and I'm 32. I found FDS in the fall of 2020 while my marriage was falling apart and it helped me break out of the "just keep cOmMuNiCaTiNg" cycle. I've tried dipping my toes back into dating and I'm just not feeling it. I have a well paying career, am about to buy my first home, and have two very snuggly cats. I'm surrounding myself with other like-minded women. Millennial men can't seem to match any of that and they don't add anything to my life that I can't give myself or get elsewhe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/22 07:53 PM
38

Thank you for posting this. You framed this perfectly and made the issue click into place for several past relationships. I'm estranged from my family and my parents never even met my now ex husband or several boyfriends before him because I had strong boundaries around their influence in my life. Meanwhile I was subjected to controlling pickme boy moms because my partners never cut the apron strings. I could never put my finger on why this left me feeling so unsettled until now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/22 07:42 PM
36

You're totally right, it's all shit tests and maybe a little bit of dread game if they disappear during a good conversation. All the more reason to only use texting for planning the next date. Thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/22 08:44 AM
120

Spot on. A guy that goes silent for the night either had a booty call show up, decided to watch porn, or has poor sleep habits or hygiene and that's LV for an adult. If it's one of the first two he'll be extra chatty in the morning out of guilt.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/22 08:24 AM
74

This hurts. It's what we hear on a daily basis while we go about our lives and men seem to think it's just background noise because that's all it is to them. But it's impossible for us to normalize it. We get catcalled or groped or followed and our adrenaline spikes and our nervous systems drop into fight/flight/fawn/freeze. It takes hours, if not days, to recenter and ground after that kind of violation. And men just don't care or some enjoy it and all of them expect us to deal because that's j…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/22 07:35 PM
10

Nancy's Nook is a Facebook group run by what appears to be just the one moderator/owner Nancy. There's tons of posts and comments on the subreddits about how she deletes bad reviews and advertises herself as an authority on endometriosis when it affects every woman differently. The group really pushes for surgery and dismisses other forms of symptom management like hormonal BC and physical therapy. They don't outright claim surgery cures the disease (which it doesn't) but they dismiss or delete …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/22 09:38 PM
44

I've heard about the genetic component too and none of the women in my family have it either. My gyno also has me on continuous BC so it messes with literally everything but the medical community refuses to acknowledge any negative side effects. I tried going off it at one point and became a completely different person. But no, no side effects here 😒
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/22 06:33 PM
1

I completely agree. Men benefit on all fronts just by the fact of being married. Women don't and we even live shorter lives if we're married. That lifetime benefit for men should come at a much higher price than just lazily proposing and begrudgingly going along with wedding planning. It needs to be an ongoing and daily effort on the man's part to worship the woman for all of the things her presence brings him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/22 06:10 PM
134

The way endometriosis is handled is criminal. Have you seen the statistic that researchers believe its about as prevalent as diabetes, around 1 in 10? Yet I've met actual gynecologists who don't know anything about it. I'm sorry you had to deal with this bullshit too. The school nurse in my high school knew my schedule better than anyone (curled up in the fetal position for three days every month with a blanket over my head because of the migraines) while everyone was telling me all women deal w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/22 05:58 PM
459

This makes my blood boil. A few years ago I had to take my then-boyfriend to the ER for abdominal pain. I hadn't even finished filling out paperwork before they rushed him back and gave him morphine. An hour later they diagnosed him with (relatively small) kidney stones and he was on morphine the entire time before they sent him home with more pain pills. Like you, I have endometriosis. It took ten years to get a diagnosis and I was dismissed as being "delicate" and "dramatic" when the pain made…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/22 05:38 PM
110

That's Sol Tribe in Denver. It was owned by a goddess of a woman who did nothing more than succeed in a male-dominated industry as an indigenous woman and lifted others up with her. The gunman self published a book series several years ago under a pseudonym in which a character who shared his name carried out these attacks on the victims. He used their real names in the book and in several instances described exactly what he would go on to do two weeks ago. The police department had a tip ages a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/22 05:27 PM
523

This is why we don't give wife benefits to men who aren't our husbands. She was looking at this as an investment into their relationship. He ran out 13 of her reproductive years and rode the gravy train through med school and probably never intended to marry her. Fuck this guy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/22 08:51 AM
55

I've been estranged for almost 15 years. I answer questions looking for facts honestly, like how many siblings I have or if my parents are divorced. I don't mind telling stories about them but I leave out the timeframe. Eventually people start picking up on it and I'm comfortable saying "we're not close" or "unfortunately they're not good people to be around." After I've built up more trust I might explain that my parents were abusive, played favorites, etc., but rarely specific details unless s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/22 06:19 AM
513

What was she hoping to hear? Did you cOmMuNiCaTe your feelings to him? What about stickers and chore charts and coupon books for blow jobs and no nagging days if a grown ass man calls his medical doctor for a medical problem that is presumably causing him pain or will improve his quality of life now or down the line? Good lord.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/22 06:15 AM
56

I think I understand where she's coming from? No kids were involved but I was laid off for the better part of a year basically right after my ex and I moved in together. But I took care of all of the chores and cooking, all errands, budgeting for a single income, and treated job hunting/studying for industry exams as my part time job. I felt guilty as hell and worried that I'd be labeled a gold digger if I left "too soon" after that. So I wonder if she's dealing with similar feelings plus the ad…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/22 06:10 AM
112

I was thinking this too. He's not connecting the dots that it's just the same trash he leaves on the floor or coffee table piled up in the bin. He's feeling shamed by a wastebasket.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/22 05:08 AM
276

Every single one was either unattractive or gave me weird vibes or the full on ick. I was told by friends, family, and the media that they're just nervous and being "nice" was more important than anything else and I had to give them a chance because they were "nice" and "nice" guys don't like girls like me (nerdy late bloomer). I'm not falling for it again. There's a world of difference between respectful nervousness and weird or creepy and my gut instinct has never been wrong.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/22 09:28 PM
7

I also wonder if there's an age gap between Reaux and Lilith that wasn't mentioned? I'm in my early 30s and have a sister who is mid 20s and our experiences have been very different despite being only a few years apart. For example, Facebook was available for her for some of junior high and all of high school but for me it became available as I was going into college. In that same timeframe the internet went from the single shared family computer to smartphones in everyone's pocket so accessibil…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/22 05:13 AM
202

He's got it bookmarked. They always tell on themselves.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 11:22 PM
28

Yuuup. We fell into the over/underachiever roles pretty fast and it's apparently all but unavoidable if you've ever been over to the ADHD partners sub. There's no way to not fall into the mother role especially if you live together because some things just have to get done to keep the house running and they don't "see" mess. His ADHD and bipolar type 2 required so many accomodations on my side that eventually the tightrope became a negative space. If I accommodated one diagnosis I was running in…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 12:38 AM
89

This sounded so familiar and then I got to the part about his ADHD. Good god I could write a book about the ways his unmanaged ADHD destroyed me. (And this just goes for men - I'm neurodivergent myself and other women I know actually take responsibility for it.) His go to was "I didn't mean for that to happen!" as though it absolved him of any and all consequences. I'm sure there's more from that relationship that's deeply repressed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/22 09:15 PM
142

This is the only arrangement I'm willing to have going forward. I've already been married and grew up with lots of very loud siblings. I can't imagine sharing my bathroom or kitchen ever again or getting into another stupid argument about decor. My home is an extension of me and is part of my peace of mind. My dream solution would be adjacent houses with a shared living room and kitchen between. Otherwise, going on vacation together and the occasional sleepover is more than enough for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/22 08:23 PM
150

I was thinking this too. My ex would do something he knew I hated while trying to nudge us closer to having sex. So it put me in this mindfuck position of having to stop everything because he blew past a known boundary or preference and take sex off the table for the evening so I could go self soothe after a boundary violation. These men are sabotaging themselves out of sex and have the audacity to complain about a dead bedroom.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/22 07:51 PM
184

This is handbook worthy 👏🏻 The entire time I was reading this, I was reminded of and visualized this idea of energy exchange paired with Brené Brown's marble jar analogy for trust (link for the uninitiated, story starts at 01:35 but the entire talk started the end of my marriage) and my mind is blown. All those little, and sometimes big, energy grabs and damage done to your trust (the marbles) over time leave us hollow shells. And in my case, I ended up borrowing marbles from my self trust jar t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/22 07:40 AM
204

Last I heard, my former brother in law is still with his fiancee of like 10 or 11 years. They were engaged before I met them and they're still engaged after I divorced my ex. I feel bad for her but she won't read the writing on the wall.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/22 04:45 AM
58

I'm so glad you're leaving! This phase is the absolute hardest part but you just need to stick to your boundaries and get a lawyer to deal with him. Don't ever cave and answer any of it because all a narcissist thinks is "it took 26 calls and 104 texts to get access so that's what I'll do next time." You've got this ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/22 10:37 PM
145

100%. They're now in the "find out" phase of "fuck around and find out" and have the audacity to act all shocked Pikachu.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/22 08:27 PM
292

Exactly! While they're out being fuckbois, a whole generation of women is opting out of relationships with men in favor of doing literally anything else. Even caring for plants is more fulfilling than dealing with men because at least the plants grow! They never expected us to just walk away from the table because they mistakenly assumed that because they need us, we also need them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/22 07:50 PM
528

It's peak male audacity as well as something of a self-fulfilling prophecy perpetuated by the RP/PUA/manosphere. Young men are told to sleep around, wreck their bodies with fast food and alcohol, neglect their health and long term appearance (like skincare), and treat women as disposable because none it matters when they'll be able to snag a hot 22 year old after the men hit the wall and can't get Tinder dates anymore. Then when that doesn't happen, voila, more RPers who hate women as well as ot…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/22 07:00 PM
93

It's only going to get worse if she stays because the vaccine hasn't been approved for babies yet so he'll be exposing his immunocompromised wife and unvaccinated child. And clearly he has no regard for her boundaries so I wouldn't be surprised if he steamrolls her and allows his family and friends over to see the baby. Sis needs to serve him divorce papers and get full custody.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/22 05:44 PM
410

What the hell. Am I reading this right that she's been hospitalized for an eating disorder, yet he criticizes her for being too fat while also ordering food for her, presumably take out? He's so abusive he's playing both sides by undermining her ED recovery then exacerbating it. Meanwhile he won't "let her" have a mirror so he's the only authority on her appearance. Rescue mission? She's got to leave him before she relapses.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/22 05:33 AM
22

Exactly. He showed no integrity so he doesn't deserve any.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/22 12:39 AM
38

Spot on. And when presented with a bullet point list of grievances, they dismiss all of it as "misunderstandings" or "I already apologized (before doing it again)" to invalidate your reasons for wanting to end the relationship. Meanwhile they lie about every damn thing on their Tinder profiles and say "I knew you wouldn't date me otherwise!" Damn straight I wouldn't, Kevin. That's called standards.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/22 11:02 PM
34

Yep. Paired with the male socialization that our no's are just the start of a negotiation systematic breaking down of our boundaries and autonomy so they never have to hear the word again and can do whatever they'd like without guilt or shame.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/22 10:56 PM
177

100%. Every single guy who has forgotten my coffee order or food allergies has eventually shown zero respect for my boundaries and has been terrible in bed. They're even bad kissers.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/22 07:45 PM
43

The thing with texting is someone has time to word things perfectly and present a certain appearance. It's not necessarily bad and I have no idea if that's what he's doing but I wouldn't count any of the time spent texting as time getting to know someone. Phone and Zoom calls are a bit different but still not as good as in person time. How do you prefer to text? For me it's just a tool to plan things and I despise trying to have conversations through texting. So if you're really into him I'd dro…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/22 06:01 PM
470

Just leave. Seriously. It's not like talking about it makes him younger and I have no idea where this idea of being required to explain yourself comes from.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/22 05:30 PM
338

Another tactic used by emotionally immature men to avoid taking any sort of responsibility, admitting fault, or accepting that their words and actions have consequences. These manchildren are basically allergic to feeling shame. And I get you. Mine used to say "I feel like a bad person" after doing awful things for literally years until one day I snapped and said "maybe you are and you should go explore that with your therapist." I only regret not leaving sooner.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/22 07:41 AM
78

Same. I wanna see that jawline!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/22 06:54 AM
81

Because men think therapy is just one and done talking. They genuinely seem to believe that going into a therapist's office and saying the words "my dad was a dead beat and my mom worked three jobs" cures them instantly. Or they start antidepressants or antianxiety meds and no further work is needed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/22 08:08 PM
330

They're just mad she's confident and not running to a plastic surgeon to fit whatever ridiculous standard of beauty that makes their peens happy this week.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/22 05:58 AM
17

Not to mention government jobs (at least in the US) consider salary public information. With just your first name and city, someone can look up your salary for the last several years and find out your work department and potentially your work location. Strangers don't need to know any of that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/22 01:20 AM
15

Then why tell him? Just because a topic comes up in conversation doesn't mean you have to tell anyone everything. It's fine to just say "yeah I work full time as a xyz" without disclosing your employer and salary.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/22 12:42 AM
58

Plus this I was open about what I do for work, salary, relationships I've had, etc because they came up in conversation. Im 27, have a perm government job, make 70K which isn't the best but comfortable for my circumstances and I plan to explore new roles, plan to buy a home with a relative in his city, lives on my own, etc. is all pickme stuff. Look, OP, he told you he wasn't ready for a relationship and you told him all the ways you would add to his life because you have your shit together and …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/22 11:26 PM
73

This exact line of thinking is what led me to researching and meeting with estate planners recently to set up a living will and revocable trust. I wanted as much control as possible over my assets. Since I'm divorced with no kids, my estranged parents would get 100% of my assets if I didn't do anything. I had always thought estate planning and trusts were for the super wealthy but I was wrong. I really only have my 401k and life insurance through work at this point (totalling well under $1m) and…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/21 11:46 PM
24

I think another overlooked factor is just how much energy N/LVM drain of us and how much it ramps up over the years to the point of bleeding us dry emotionally and causing physical health problems. Then we leave and divert all of that energy back into ourselves. And you're right, no one levels up like a woman leaving a bad relationship. Just goes to show that men never have any intentions of improving when the exact same energy that levels up a woman leaves a man always asking for more.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/21 08:40 PM
49

Until their favorite sports team changes their uniforms and suddenly men are fashion designers with ✨opinions✨
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/21 04:13 AM
267

The whole "men are visual creatures and women aren't" thing pisses me off. Have men seen their own apartments and wardrobes? The only time they care about looks is when it's a woman they can show off to their friends.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 10:54 PM
43

I love the idea of a doll! I keep a photo of kid me with my grandma (who has long since passed away) on top of my dresser next to my jewelry and perfume so I see them both first thing in the morning when I'm getting ready. It was something my therapist suggested so I'm glad to see others doing this!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 09:03 PM
36

I'm convinced so many of them game for 12 hours a day because it's dissociative. If they just, you know, went to therapy they wouldn't feel the need to escape every waking moment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/21 07:36 PM
216

May a queen never see a singular beard hair in the sink ever again 🙏🏻
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 08:56 PM
117

Maybe once before that just to make sure he doesn't have a nest 🤢
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 08:20 AM
4

It's really hard to overcome accepting and being grateful for the bare minimum. If it helps, don't think of it as an expectation. Think of it as something you deserve that he's not delivering. Your presence in a guy's life is worth so much more than them in yours and a HVM knows that. This guy isn't even putting in the effort to set a date for the next time he can see you in person.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 08:14 AM
17

If he wanted to, he would. You don't specify either age only that there's a six year difference and you're in grad school, so mid 20s? Six years is nothing after like mid 30s or early 40s but it's a lot in your 20s. It's easy to keep up a HV facade over text. He has time to think and craft responses (and he might even have help with this). You barely know this guy. Texting is great for making plans but useless for building a relationship. And you met over the summer so like 6 months ago? And you…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 07:47 AM
9

The only good thing about N/LVM is their red flags usually come in groups. The important thing is you caught some of them and blocked him, and now you're familiar with even more.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 06:40 AM
6

Very true and this would be the ideal. I was coming from a leveling up perspective and weeding out people as you learn.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 06:37 AM
27

I'm sorry he turned out to be NVM and a creep but good on you for blocking and deleting once he confirmed his scrote status. I just wanted to throw out a quick PSA on this: For example, he apparently knows how to repair phones/technology really well. Big red flag btw. It takes seconds for someone to change some settings and have your phone share its location with them (and you wouldn't know unless you went looking), seconds longer to install a keylogger or go through your gallery and send himsel…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 06:25 AM
146

Why be sad? I just got home from the store with enough cheese and meat and fixings for several days' worth of charcuterie boards, my favorite wine to go with it, specialty chocolate boxes I'm going to savor all weekend, and a gorgeous all white floral bouquet. And I don't have to share any of it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 03:16 AM
151

Completely agree. My theory is it triggers their porn addiction because most scenes are filmed in hotel-esque rooms so it's like subliminal messaging.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/21 10:44 PM
68

And then going through with it! I know it's all about power and control but mentally I can't even pretend to understand. I don't even ask someone twice if they want anything when I'm leaving the office for lunch!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/21 10:41 PM
377

You're absolutely not alone. They just want to ruin anything they can get their grubby hands on. (CW: major depravity) Less than a year after getting married my now ex and I went on vacation for Christmas. I planned and researched and studied the language for months and was beyond excited to get there. He couldn't care less. We finally got to the hotel after like 15 hours of travel and an 8 hour time difference and he turned into this nasty little sex pest. "Babe I'm so tired but my peen is keep…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/21 08:37 PM
50

Not excusing him at all, but the medication thing actually goes way beyond him being a scrote. It's a bigger problem with capitalism and the mental health community and patriarchy. My ex was medicated for ADHD for years by several providers and not one of them ever suggested taking another dose after work so I and our relationship could reap the same benefits his work got by default.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/21 06:20 AM
84

He didn't value me until I was on my way out the door. If I have to throw THAT big of a fit to get him to value me, he never did, and never really would have. Yep. Our feelings/hurt/needs/wants/whatever don't matter until it impacts the performance of their wife appliance and their quality of life. Then it's all nice words and maybe some grand gestures but nothing will change.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/21 02:30 AM
105

Second this. I'm neurodivergent myself and divorced my ex because of his unmanaged ADHD. It's totally different worlds.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/21 02:19 AM
153

Mine said the exact same thing!! While also asking when we could start having sex again. Motherf*cker, excuse me?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/21 11:22 PM
506

Wow. This is exactly how my marriage ended. I remember the moment that caused me to stop talking and from there all that's left to do is plan your exit, meanwhile the man thinks the relationship is on the upswing and takes your silence to mean you've accepted him and won't nag anymore.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/21 08:44 PM
59

Translation: "I live in my mom's basement and you don't look like my usual porn category" 🤢
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/21 06:16 AM
82

Male audacity in a nutshell. And he has very feminine handwriting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/21 02:06 AM
225

Meanwhile these 🤏🏻 dick manlets are writing their letters to Santa asking for a "natural" 90 lb 5'10" blonde supermodel to be their mommy bangmaid. They'd crumble if they were subjected to a fraction of the pressures women face just skimming the magazine covers in the supermarket checkout.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/21 01:20 AM
352

Oof. "You're so mysterious." "I feel such a connection with you." "I can't talk to anyone like this." "Where have you been all my life?" = Be quiet and let me project my ever changing manic pixie dream girl all over you. Even cats are more empathetic than scrotes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/21 12:29 AM
25

Spot on. If I have to meet a man in the middle and reward him for being "honest" and how being "honest" was such a struggle for him, I'd be meeting him in hell. EXACTLY. It bypasses 98% of the rest of everything else that makes up good communication and they still want a fucking cookie just because they showed up to the table. It's the participation trophy of communication. It just goes to show how little insight they have, if they think the appearance of insight is worth celebrating. 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/21 12:24 AM
58

Truth. At some point the whole cycle of communication got broken down into its base parts that don't function independently and then we started rewarding that. So now we have generations of men who think being honest (basically a precursor to healthy communication) absolves them of consequence or accountability or having to gasp follow through with actions and changed behavior.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 09:49 PM
41

Ah ok this makes a lot of sense and something I still deal with to be honest. We need to become our own safe space. For me that's meant treating my apartment as a sanctuary, checking in with myself and journaling, and lots of work to stay grounded and in touch with myself. We need to stake our claim to ourselves and our surroundings to give ourselves the safety to take root. Keep in mind this is the hardest time of year for folks with strained or nonexistent family relations. I've been operating…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 07:36 PM
12

Exactly! We just need friends and partners who can respect the decision even if they don't understand it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 07:16 PM
117

I'm estranged from 95% of my family with the last 5% being strained relations with my siblings. It happened so long ago that it's honestly not something I think about very often except around the holidays when my friends retreat to their families. I guess I'm confused about the motivation part and I'm not sure that I ever thought about my family as a source of motivation. Because of them I've been down in some dark places and exposed to some awful people, and I know I don't want to backslide so …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 06:46 PM
201

Good on you! Men have no idea how often we have to think about doing things like this. And I'm sorry your lash tech has to deal with him. My hairstylist has told me about similar experiences with men, including one where a client referred her boyfriend to my stylist and he proceeded to ask her out and send pics after the appointment. It put her in an awful position of having to fire the male client and hope she wasn't going to lose the business of the original client and other friends she had al…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 06:05 PM
379

Totally agree. I'd never voice this in real life but all of the ethically non monogamous men I see on OLD are straight up unattractive by any definition and all I can think is they're lucky they got one woman willing to have sex with them. It's all entitlement. ETA spelling
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 04:07 AM
60

Spot on. And then when we have pangs of jealousy, gut punches of intuition, and eventually full on mental breakdowns that get us medicated and sedated, it's all wrapped up in the name of taking care of your mental health but in a patriarchy-approved way. This is why self care is branded as bubble baths and wine and we're labeled hysterical when that's not enough.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 02:23 AM
120

This is sad. It reads as passive and detached to the point of dissociation. Those jealousy pangs are her actual self coming through before she locks them down. I just hope they're saving for therapy as well as college funds for those kids.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 01:15 AM
75

Same. My ex wanted to use my toys on me and I blurted out "why, so you can hurt me with them too?" before thinking. Cue 20 minutes of him sobbing that I said he was bad at sex. 🤷🏻
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 11:05 PM
241

From a guy I had met literally 20 minutes prior: "oh, I didn't expect that from you." You don't say. Please, tell me what else you've already projected onto the ideal snapshot of me in your head so I know exactly how fast to run. 😒
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 11:02 PM
125

A few questions: Does he still have them saved as contacts? Did he save any of the images or videos he sent or received? Was he forthcoming about this information, time frame, what ended his promiscuous phase (was it something internal like disgust at what he was doing or something external like "it was hard to find hookups with lockdowns"), and what he's done to improve himself since (therapy, self help books, etc.)? It sounds like he hadn't deleted these texts? (Red flag for a trophy collector…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 07:44 PM
59

She probably never was. I'd guess this is an ugly to average looking guy who snagged a woman by being "nice" and is trying to see how far he can ride the gravy train until something better comes along.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 07:41 AM
99

Wonder what his justification was for expecting her to pay for diapers too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 07:13 AM
187

Crabs in a bucket. Scrotes know those nice apartments impact their chances of getting a girl who accepts them and their nest. I really don't understand this mentality because what's wrong with having a place you're proud of and happy to retreat to at the end of the day? Anyway, I remember checking out both subs in question earlier this year when I got my own place again after a divorce. The women's one is lovely and supportive and creative. The men's one, even the nice places were lacking person…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/21 08:49 PM
17

Your entire first paragraph is spot on. My ex even took it to a new level and would occasionally deign an opinion and expect me to drop all the planning and forethought I had put into it and just go with his opinion. When I refused and laid out my argument, he'd just throw his hands in the air and say "you never go with what I want, it's always an argument." Like sir this is the first time you've made a dinner suggestion in two months. Now I know it was just a shit test.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/21 08:21 PM
77

They'd walk away if they caught a glimpse of a day's worth of leg hair stubble.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/21 08:26 AM
32

Omg yes the makeup forums! You can't even nicely suggest using brushes for blending when it looks like something a toddler painted on. Not to mention the posts that are obviously a fetish but rarely get called out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/21 09:23 PM
193

I could write a whole dissertation on this. You're completely right. I used to paint my nails while watching tv and eventually my ex wanted to try it, but only on his toes so he could cover them out in public. It meant I was the only person who ever knew about the virtue signaling and "how comfortable he was in his masculinity." Yet he was awful at painting his nails and refused any of my advice or tips so even something performative was tainted by "I'm a man and don't take advice from a woman" …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/21 05:51 AM
539

OP, your school might offer legal services to students. They might even have hardship aid available if things do go south with this guy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/21 06:24 AM
22

The kind of participation trophy you leave under the chair after the event 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/21 07:07 AM
130

Ugh I knew a guy like this who wanted to find a sugar mama and be a trophy husband. Like unironically. He had a dad bod at like 25 with toothpick arms and legs and the personality to rival unpainted drywall. I told him he had to be a trophy first and he never talked to me again. 🤷🏻
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/21 01:57 AM
125

NVM need to get their collective two brain cells together and come up with a better excuse than drinking. Of course things didn't work out when they'd rather commit to drinking for multiple hours each night before passing out on the couch and being hungover the next day. The amount of time they're cognitively unavailable for any discussion or housework or childcare due to being drunk or passed out is literally a part time job and it's even more emotional labor on the other partner to work around…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/21 10:34 PM
88

Oh absolutely. I wish I had known to bail before marrying (and subsequently divorcing) a guy like this. It never gets better and eventually the whole house smells like shame.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/21 10:28 PM
195

I swear trying to communicate like adults and using "when you do xyz, I feel abc" statements trigger an inner child in LVM and suddenly they're in the principal's office wringing their hands and avoiding eye contact. It's so weird and off-putting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/21 09:57 PM
298

NVM really do think of us as inanimate resources to be bled dry and discarded. They don't care about what happens to us after a divorce and think we're cruel and selfish for looking out for ourselves because they really seem to think we go into energy saving mode before latching onto the next guy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/21 09:47 PM
162

The only thing confronting will accomplish he'll start to cover his tracks while she thinks they're on the mend. Just silently keep tabs on it and hire the most brutal divorce lawyer you can afford. ETA: I hate this "I shouldn't have let my emotions get the better of me" thing we're conditioned to think. We're taught it's not "ladylike" to express emotions and end up censoring and tone policing ourselves by the time we reach adulthood. Fuck that. Your anger is a part of you that survived that co…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/21 12:55 AM
61

I'm glad we're both free and found FDS! 👑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/21 10:20 PM
212

Girl same. 8 years together, no gifts after year two. He didn't know me and didn't care to so he just bought me things that he wanted until I issued a gift moratorium. My pickme brain just thought he was bad at gifts. That was true, but he was also bad at everything else pertaining to me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/21 10:02 PM
253

He slept in the same sheets and used the same two towels for TEN MONTHS? And that mattress has to be disgusting. 🤢 Can the hotel charge him or his company for damages? Because that every inch of that room needs to be bleached at minimum.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/21 06:39 PM
67

Eww now he's pushing boundaries. The one good thing about LVM and their red flags is only the worst narcs can let one slip and lock themselves down for the next six months, but they have other tells. The vast majority, once the mask slips, it's like a parade and there'll be six more after the one that had you questioning him so you don't have to worry too much that you missed something. Go celebrate ditching his LV ass! ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/21 12:34 AM
154

Ugh yeah just block and delete. He could only keep the mask up for a month and that might've been a narc smirk. Gtfo.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/21 11:41 PM
44

I've never seen Wolf of Wall Street! I can't stand Leo's doughy face and scrotes worship that movie 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/21 10:35 PM
47

Honestly I think this is a great idea. Especially if you have a few volunteers to stay sober and keep an eye on things and tell you after if you were actually incoherent when you thought you were fine. It would also be good to know how other people look, act, and sound on various drugs so you know when a friend is in trouble.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/21 10:26 PM
10

I've been listening between the lines and asking questions about their relationship. Sometimes drawing parallels between her fiance and my now ex husband. Same goal, different tactic. She's smart but young and defensive so I'm treading carefully. I also have a very dry sense of humor and my tone gets mistaken for harshness sometimes so comments like that from me could run a high risk of being perceived as too harsh and judgemental.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/21 06:57 AM
24

It's been really tempting to say things like that but something in my gut is telling me to not shame her and to leave the door open in case she needs help leaving in the future. I know it's more on him preying on her than any fault of hers.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/21 05:46 AM
40

98% of them yes. This one is particular is LV enough that he's fine with his 22 year old daughter dating a 29 year old, who is older than his fiancee. The whole thing is a mess 🤢
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/21 12:15 AM
89

This is so frustrating and sad and hard to watch. I have a close work colleague (she's 27) who's about to marry a 55 year old. He's got a good career but still pays alimony and half of his pension will go to his ex wife. This poor woman cooks and cleans for this guy and his kids and is completely unappreciated. She's stunning and brilliant and has a master's degree but previous relationships wore her down and she doesn't think she can do better. I wish there was a phrase or something to break in…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/21 10:01 PM
293

I'm so glad nothing worse happened. That's terrifying to just be sitting there thinking you're safe but about to find out you're next to a predator. When I got home that day, I started getting texts from him, “why did you leave so fast? I wanted to kiss you but I was scared.” He was trying to gaslight you. This pisses me right off and at the same time how are they all so unoriginal? I literally just had this happen a few months ago after a party with "friends." Guy full on grabbed my ass twice a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/21 05:25 AM
78

So he already has photos of you?! And this has happened multiple times?! Kind of buried the lede here OP.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/21 09:52 PM
165

And eventually this scrote will realize OP is both a woman and a friend and will convince his girlfriend to talk her into a threesome. Just walk away from this mess.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/21 09:40 PM
41

100% my experience. It's absolutely a mental illness - just look at how consistent the symptoms of porn sickness are across men of different backgrounds and cultures. Has anyone else ever managed to break a guy out of this trance and watched them recoil when they catch a glimpse of the closeness and intimacy they were unaware of until 0.5 seconds ago? You can tell they were just on autopilot to get sex and intimacy was an unintended and unwanted side effect. That's an experience 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/21 09:08 PM
265

Louder for the lurkers in the back. Porn shows what the director thinks people want sex to look like and that is then translated by the actors. People who watch porn and then try to have sex with a real life person are trying to feel (emotionally and physically) the way they perceived the actors felt and try act out those scenes to accomplish this. Except those scenes aren't sex, they're just fucking for money or because they were trafficked. You can absolutely tell when someone is disconnected …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/21 06:50 PM
141

"I bought a pink bike!" I felt this in my soul. I just revamped my bedroom and bought a dusty pink duvet cover and burgundy throw blanket and I'm still giddy over it. My last ex and I almost got into a fight at Ikea because everything we owned was shades of grey and I just wanted some colorful throw pillows. Also her cat chiming in like "yeah fuck that guy" 😺
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/21 05:46 PM
28

Yes, they imitate their boyfriends, they become an extension of him. Exactly, and even more so when the guy is a narc because narcs already treat their relationships as extensions of themselves, so being an extension of him is her full time job now no matter who she's around.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/21 05:36 PM
167

Agreed. Just by paying for dates she's given herself away. And he's entitled if he thinks he deserves to know her exact salary.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/21 04:38 AM
46

Yep, it's just me and my cats. I clean to my standards and decorate how I want and men don't add enough value to give those things up. It's not like men are handy around the house anyway and even if they can fix something (after consulting a dozen YouTube videos and going to Home Depot for two hours) they parade around expecting praise and sex. I'd rather fix things myself or take my chances on hiring someone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/21 10:45 PM
67

I was only married for a few years and never want anyone else in my space again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/21 10:30 PM
55

"see where things go" = "let's see how much of your time I can waste before you bring up the exclusive talk"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/21 05:14 AM
140

Oh of course. And set it up in such a way that they get tax benefits from the business being woman-owned but he controls all of it. It reads like a parent being supportive and setting up their kid's lemonade stand before sabotaging it by adding cinnamon to the lemonade.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/21 01:44 AM
48

I see you've met my father. You're absolutely right that you can feel the contempt and there's something inhuman about their eyes and how they use them. Once you're attuned you can also sense that even their charisma is diseased somehow, almost like a cross between rancid and saccharine, like they've left their fake perfect skin on for too long.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/21 01:20 AM
287

She has taken the lead with the kid's activities, housework, cooking, etc., which I never asked her to do. Right, and who else was going to do that? Did your job pay well enough to hire a maid, cook, and nanny? She has held various low-paying, "do-good"-type positions in the community. So your family has good standing in the community and she probably has a wonderful support network to lean on when she dumps your ass. She has a lot of skills and did not have to compromise her career for the chil…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/21 01:08 AM
62

They know when their wall is approaching so they time the combination of bad genes hitting the wall and "letting themselves go" because they get engaged or married and don't have to play the field anymore.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/21 12:54 AM
149

It's also gaslighting and building the foundation for future abuse. If he tells all these elaborate lies and suddenly is called out for how ridiculous or contradictory they are, he'll fall back on some old fashioned DARVO with "why was xyz lie fine but this isn't? now you're the one who's not many any sense!"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/21 10:16 PM
37

I didn't change my name when I was married and neither did my husband. If he had had a problem with my decision well that's a red flag that we shouldn't be married. We'd cohabitated for years with exactly zero issues having different names on leases, bills, or car insurance. The only problem we ran into with this was some old relatives who insisted on sending Christmas cards addressed to "Mr. & Mrs. HisFirstName HisLastName" that I insisted on throwing straight in the trash.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/21 11:28 PM
193

Ah yes, the common Schrodinger's scrote. Somehow he manages to communicate only in red flags while also conveying absolutely nothing about who he is as a person.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/21 09:53 PM
423

Something in her subconscious knows he's not worth the mountain of paperwork involved with changing her name.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/21 08:34 PM
24

Then we decided to walk around the markets shopping all day and he did pay for dinner at a waterfront restaurant. Don't do this and don't see him again. You're too available. You literally met him this morning and spent all day with him and he wants to see you again tomorrow? He's either a hobosexual looking for a place to crash that also offers pussy and maid service, or he's a sex trafficker. ETA: I misread, he's the one offering his couch for couch surfing. Why, to offset the cost of a $3k/mo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/21 06:32 PM
69

There's a super wholesome YouTube channel called "Dad, how do I?" that everyone with shitty dads should know about. It covers all kinds of things dads should have taught from ironing dress shirts to changing a car tire to putting up wall shelves. I really can't overstate how ridiculously sweet and wholesome he is.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/21 06:27 PM
11

Agent Carter on Disney+ might check some of these boxes. It's technically part of the Marvel universe and follows Agent Peggy Carter (Captain America's love interest) as she navigates being a single working woman in the 40s. They do throw a few love interests at her and of course there's sexism given the era, but she's a queen through all of it and (spoiler) the love interest isn't a bumbling oaf and actually respects her. Overall it's a good watch if you don't mind Marvel.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/21 06:36 AM
16

It's so so good! I think she's written as a straight up sociopath but way better than say American Psycho and the actress plays her scarily well. I loved that every single major character was well fleshed out while being deeply flawed and relatable in their own ways.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/21 06:22 AM
188

Because men literally can't see things from any other perspective. They don't care and they don't have the ability. Women have been doing this since we're old enough to watch cartoons or look at picture books because everything is written with "male" as the default. We have to put ourselves in a man's shoes just to enjoy 98% of movies and books.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/21 04:42 AM
38

female villain Have you watched Killing Eve? It's available on Hulu. The three main leads (villain and two detectives) are all very well written women. It's a dark comedy/drama and a fantastic watch. Bonus, the villain has expensive taste and some of her outfits are so gorgeous I had to go back to catch dialogue I missed. Of course this is literally one example compared to hundreds of male-led shows that fail the Bechdel test.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/21 04:38 AM
92

Your older sister is right. I recently divorced in my early 30s and know a few folks my age who are also divorced. In every situation, the woman left for herself (and kids if they had any) and the man left for another woman. Add in the statistic that in the US ~70% of divorces are initiated by the woman and that figure jumps to ~90% if the woman holds a bachelor's degree or higher, and there's no reason to hope that any particular divorced man is worth the trouble of figuring out why he's now si…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/21 07:49 PM
20

I don't know whether to laugh or cry at how accurate this is
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 11:53 PM
82

Yep, "I'm intrigued by you" is just the enlightened scrote version of the valuation/pedestal phase before discarding. Exactly, they're the ones with unrealistic expectations and will discard you once they realize you're actually human.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 09:59 PM
107

"You're not like other girls, you actually seem interested in me." They always tell on themselves.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 09:57 PM
345

Glad he's been blocked and deleted. He constantly said he's intrigued by me and my unavailability, like a puzzle he can't crack in one sitting There's something wrong with men who say they're "intrigued" by a woman. Specifically that word. Like you suggested here, it's like they think of us as a specimen to be studied and when they can't figure us out immediately we become "hard to read" which is just scrote speak for "hard to manipulate." Usually the same men who say they're sapiosexual with a …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 08:09 PM
52

Even if they have that nice apartment to themselves, they'll just use it as bait and instead try to move in with you. Or they'll sap all your energy claiming the place needs "a woman's touch" that they'll then use to lure in the next woman after ghosting you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 05:27 PM
86

Ugh I feel this in my soul. Because they can't think of anything more romantic than dry humping and groping at a boob and saying "hey babe you up?" 😖
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 11:05 PM
42

Honestly I have no idea but it makes me never want to share a bed ever again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 11:03 PM
6

It's beyond reasonable to expect someone to wash their hands over the course of the day and especially after picking up after pets!! I'm glad he's an ex. You deserve all the fluffy clean towels and soap and bathroom trash cans. This is where sex ed failed us. Vaginas are self cleaning but have an incredibly delicate pH balance that can be thrown off by period blood or semen or taking antibiotics for something completely unrelated. They're high maintenance (well, a penis is too but they'd rather …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 10:39 PM
63

Same experience with my cats. One of my girls has climbed into a maintenance man's tool bag and hissed at others, they'll let me know if someone new is allowed into our home. Who are we to doubt them?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 10:18 PM
6

Ughhhh 🤢 I wasted an entire summer in college alternating between BV and a yeast infection (caused by the BV antibiotics) because of a dirty dick. Even IF genitals were clean, your hands aren't from interacting with the world, so why don't they even wash their hands BEFORE touching their precious dicks?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 10:11 PM
43

I game too and it's rare to find a woman who has a gaming addiction and makes it their entire personality like the average man. It's been talked about before on this sub but generally speaking women are better at prioritizing adult life over gaming.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 09:17 PM
37

I definitely asked my ex to wash his hands before sex 🤢
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 09:13 PM
73

I got divorced post-wall and was all excited to be invisible. LIES.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 08:24 PM
196

I went to a STEM college so let's put that hell to good use: I've never met a gamer who showers regularly or maintains good hygiene His rig will cost $2-3k minimum but usually closer to $5k (bonus: he'll scoff at the idea of spending more than $500 on a ring) He'll probably demand his own room for his desk but not offer to pay more in rent/mortgage for the extra square footage Electricity costs, especially if he's into Bitcoin mining Noise cancelling headphones 24/7 so don't count on him being a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 07:55 PM
594

Sounds like they're afraid of how much we'd level up if we could actually get enough sleep without a dick stabbing us in the back that's attached to a whiny coercive manchild.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 05:38 PM
203

They forgot "tell her she's cute when she's mad"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 05:31 PM
48

Same deal here. 7 years together, 3 married. I'd had "problems" with my libido since we moved in together after only a year and it was completely gone when we got married around 4 years in. I had internalized all the messaging around settling for a "nice" guy and attraction would follow except it never did. In hindsight my body was reacting to all his LV qualities and bad sex long before I was conscious of it, and it has happened in basically all of my longer relationships. It look longer to wor…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 04:27 PM
114

There's no glow up like a divorcing-an-LVM glow up 👑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 06:18 AM
47

There is a curated list of doctors who have agreed to perform it on the childfree subreddit, along with the age of the patient at the time and their comments. You might be able to find someone there!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 04:34 AM
151

PSA that if you have a tubal/bi salp/etc, your uterus and ovaries are perfectly intact and IVF is still an (expensive) option, but less expensive than having a child with an LVM.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/21 10:48 PM
35

the year of our lord Elon MUSK 💀 I work in STEM and legit answered the "what are you convinced of" question on Hinge with my theory that Elon Musk is a wannabe Batman villain. Weeds out tech bros like nothing else 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/21 09:08 PM
769

What in the hookup culture hell is this? And how did her body not close up shop for the month after he pressed his dick onto her closed mouth? 🤢
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/21 06:50 AM
49

Ugh why can't you just tell them what you need? But like easy things that they can think and talk about but not actually do, because don't you know it's the thought that counts! And reward them when they do less than the bare minimum because they actually did something and they didn't have to! And don't even try to plan anything more than two weeks out like your birthday or Christmas, it makes them feel pressured!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/21 06:24 AM
73

An ex once told me, "I didn't know it hurt you that much!" He's a psychopath 😳 Normal people would be mortified that you were hurt at all, not wondering how much they can take before you bleed out. I have a love/hate relationship with therapists when they see the big picture and level you with a question like that because it's always a fundamental assumption or fallacy we told ourselves and built the narrative around that and it's so obvious in hindsight. I was lamenting to mine around the time …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/21 06:18 AM
41

Highly recommend her stand up specials on Netflix! Most of it is FDS friendly from what I remember and she's hilarious
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/21 04:41 AM
109

I triggered myself typing it so you're in good company 😅 And when you tell them you communicated on specific dates after specific events, they'll say "but I didn't think you were serious!"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/21 12:50 AM
497

A psychic partner who can predict when they'll need validation, reassurance, and/or detached sex, and when they'll need to be left entirely alone for two days but be available on standby, all before the avoidant man is even aware of his own needs and long before he can vocalize them. Oh and don't get more attached than they are, it spooks them. Never again. ETA: the avoidant partner is so caught up in their attachment issues that they probably won't even notice you or your needs or wants. Until …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 11:42 PM
119

I married the guy who took me on a first date that blacked out a bingo card: coffee, walking, talking for hours, getting dinner because it was so late, and ending with him mauling my face for a kiss. So yeah. That.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 08:00 PM
75

Unfortunately I doubt it, I kept him around way too long. I have to tell myself all these manchildren are from the same family or town or something because there's no way they're smart enough to coordinate incompetence on this scale.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 07:23 PM
142

Mine did too. I bought these lovely plush towels for the bathroom with different color bath towels for each of us. Guess which ones he used to dry his face on after using products that contained benzoyl peroxide, permanently leaving bleached spots? 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 07:00 PM
42

Completely agree. Being able to put together a decent meal (including all steps from planning to shopping to cleaning up after) is a basic life skill. YouTube is full of quality instructional videos and learning how to cook is more accessible than ever. There's just no excuse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 06:00 PM
80

The first time my ex tried to cook dinner for me he went way out of his microwave dinner comfort zone with chicken piccata. I despise capers and he knew this, telling me "I'd change my mind when I tasted it." 🙄 We ended up going out for dinner after he scorched the outside of the chicken leaving the inside raw. Then he made noises expecting me to comfort him for his failure. I did stick around after this for reasons I can't explain and every single one of these early red flags became a major iss…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 05:23 PM
25

You said all of this so much better than I could have articulated. This entire topic could be its own post. And the women? The women are in no rush to settle down, because they’ve got their own bills to pay, and men aren’t providers anymore. It’s a really fascinating cultural change to watch, even though it’s actually tragic all around in a lot of ways. This exactly. It's tragic and raw when we finally wake up and realize men aren't shit, let alone providers, and that we've been lied to and told…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 07:01 AM
1822

What is with their obsession with "low maintenance" women? Does it make them feel better about their 17-in-1 shampoo, face wash, and dishwasher detergent?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 03:58 AM
101

I'm totally theorizing here, but I've wondered if Covid accelerated his wall. He turned 30 right when lockdowns started and everyone turned to TikTok, Instagram, etc. to stay connected. I'm also 32 and not super connected to that world but even I started seeing a lot more self improvement talk geared toward women on my feeds. I'm curious if there's been a major shift in the women he used to prey on and now they see him for what he is, plus an additional two years of not taking care of himself ad…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 12:04 AM
118

🙏🏻 I hope he meets someone like that queen who was posted here a few days back who wouldn't let the guy orgasm during sex to make him a better lover. That would be poetic
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 09:21 PM
189

You might check out the book Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski. She breaks down female sexuality in a new way (and points out that our sexuality has been reduced down to a lite version of men's when we work in totally different ways) and introduces a dual control model of sexual response, the accelerator and the brake, in which she describes that being aroused isn't just about being "turned on" (the accelerator) it's more about "turning off the offs" (the brakes). I found myself highlighting enti…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 09:15 PM
174

Right?! I have no idea if he's self aware of this fact or not. I haven't seen him for a little while so I'm curious to see who he drags down with him settles down with now that he's aged out of being community dick, if anyone is willing to look past that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 08:58 PM
77

Because he is a pervert. Even if they randomly selected a show, he should have paused it after the first sexual joke/scene and looked up what they were watching. Instead they made it through two whole episodes like what the actual fuck is wrong with him. He probably enjoyed the fact that his cousin was uncomfortable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 07:58 PM
599

I think I'm watching a guy in my acquaintance circle hit his playboy wall and honestly it's delicious. He has a good job and is reasonably attractive so he spent the second half of his 20s as a community dick. Well Covid happened and he couldn't sleep around as much. Now he's about to hit 32 and his face looks older (god forbid they wear sunscreen and moisturize) and I've noticed he's not been talking about his exploits or OLD lately. In fact last time I saw him he'd "given up" on OLD and delete…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 07:11 PM
175

So they got together when she was 18 and he was 28, he didn't disclose his actual age until after she developed feelings, and odds are good he's not taking care of himself because he already scored a young wife. If his deepening facial lines are throwing her off now, just wait until he's 50 and bald with leathery skin. Part of me feels bad for these women because we all grew up in the patriarchy so this could have been any of us under the wrong conditions. But also what do they think is going to…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 06:47 PM
6

I had one say this to me too! Messed me up for days before I realized it was a way for him to end the argument and not have to think about anything. I swear if they put half as much effort into bettering themselves as they do lying and manipulating, we'd have a few more HVM around.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 06:34 PM
27

Not OP, but a version of this would be my ideal too if I ever get married again. We'd keep our own living spaces and buy or rent a place together after getting married and coordinate time together. I never want another man in my home.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 06:04 PM
25

Yeah I'm not sure what OP is getting at here. Red flags are anything showing inferior character or behavior. Just because criminal activity is much worse than lying doesn't make lying less of a red flag.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 01:18 AM
50

Circe by Madeline Miller might fit the bill. It's an adaptation of various Greek myths including the Odyssey but told from the perspective of the witch Circe. It's definitely a level up journey. Content warning and spoiler there is a brief r.pe scene with instant justice.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/21 08:39 PM
307

All they have to contribute is the audacity.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/21 01:20 AM
14

We'll never be enough for LVM when they can go to p.rn sites and have a different appearance category open in 20 different tabs. Even the most beautiful women in the world have been cheated on by ugly scrotes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/21 10:29 PM
11

Absolutely. There's been discussions on here before about how men know they're shit and don't think highly of anyone who would be interested in them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/21 10:26 PM
28

Nope. Let's use their rating system for the sake of argument. Say you're an 8 and date a 6. He won't be flattered or be grateful for the pity fuck or treat you better, instead he'll think "damn if I got an 8, I can get a 9!" I'd bet every single woman on FDS has heard that advice and was burned trying it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/21 10:20 PM
306

Not to mention feeding 6 more people means more grocery money (and trips if it's a last minute thing), but they don't have money for restaurants? Does he think the pantry and refrigerator magically restock at 2am? ETA: I'd bet he gives her an "allowance" for groceries and household supplies (and is playing the bumbler card so he "doesn't realize" the impact) but he pays at restaurants so of course that affects him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/21 06:48 AM
93

I also had this exact experience. It's what convinced me they're covert narcs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/21 05:56 AM
317

the superior men are being drawn off into the group of married males, and the residue becomes each year more unmarriageable The residue 💀 Petition to rename post-wall men residue?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/21 05:15 AM
165

It took about 15 years of this being "my type" to realize as soon as I feel off balance and thinking "but you said..." he's probably a softboy and it's time to go. His words might sound nice and you might feel understood but take a step back and notice he's saying them while repeating the behavior and without adjusting the words to your mood like a broken record. They know those nice words keep you around, so why bother putting in any real effort? Now I know a softboy is just a fuckboy who will …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/21 04:50 AM
471

I've dated a lot of emotional softboys (and even married one) and honestly the one common denominator is the lack of action, same with any other type of LVM. This type just knows the right words to say to make you think they get it but like all LVM there's never any action or follow through. So just watch to see if his words and actions are the same. A HVM wouldn't talk up all the nice things they could do and instead would just do them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/21 02:11 AM
62

I am thinking of going back home until I can get stable again. You can't get stable in that environment. And now that you've escaped once, she'll make it that much harder the next time you try to leave, not to mention deepening the trauma bond caused by her lovebombing upon your return. And how do I apply FDS principles to my own mom? FDS principles are for vetting and blocking and deleting if they fail the vetting process. There's no middle ground to be found here where you can control for her …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/21 01:41 AM
33

And the thing I want to know about their travels is if they actually took initiative to plan it or if they tagged along with their girlfriend or family or whatever. I've met way too many of the latter.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/21 11:52 PM
57

Yep. "She smiled at me because she's been socially conditioned to even when nervous, that means she's interested." I want to leave this planet.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/21 07:37 PM
81

Completely agree. My therapist calls that whole mess of expectations "the shoulds" - Christmas should be with family, around a tree, with stockings on the fireplace mantle, with xyz for dinner, with weeks of gift shopping and wrapping and cookie baking, etc., and it's all bullshit. Everyone needs to unpack their inherited "shoulds" from family, culture, and society, then keep what you like and toss the rest. "Shoulds" are feelings of obligation and obligation isn't fun or enjoyable. Start your o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/21 05:26 AM
272

I was reflecting on this today and realized I've never not experienced this on a holiday no matter the family or how many attendees. Thanksgiving, Christmas, Mother's Day, you name it, the women are cooking and cleaning and the men are useless. At best they'll belch and say it's a compliment 😒 Today was my first Thanksgiving solo and I didn't even cook for myself! I went skiing solo all day before coming back to my still clean apartment and ordering Indian takeout for dinner. I will 100% do this…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/21 04:34 AM
163

Good call throwing this one back. I married this guy and you would have been in for a world of heartache. I had to plan everything and he'd begrudgingly tag along while saying he was having fun but acting like he'd rather be at home playing video games, even on international trips. I realized after the divorce that he never once made a reservation for anything in the entire 8 year relationship. If he wanted to, he would.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/21 05:17 AM
132

It definitely won't be long until he starts hitting on her friends, if he hasn't already
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/21 08:05 AM
169

Ugh I had the country one happen a few weeks ago! A guy asked about my favorites because he was planning a trip and wanted ideas, so I told him I fell in love with Germany in general but Berlin took my heart and said "I could have moved there, I loved the city so much for xyz reasons" and he makes this 😒 face like I was a child talking nonsense and Berlin wasn't a real city or something. It's like a shit test to see if you can read his mind and validate that sex tourism trip to Thailand or somet…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/21 04:53 PM
48

This is my concern too. A long term relationship/marriage is starting a new family unit with your partner. He's sacrificing the happiness of this relationship in a futile attempt to make his family of origin happy (which is impossible, they're adults and responsible for their own emotions). OP, know what his dad is doing right now? Testing the waters and laying the groundwork to abuse you the way he abuses your boyfriend. This is him testing that the foundation of being a doormat he installed in…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/21 05:19 AM
15

Being educated and driving a nice car does not make him a catch. Online personas are cultivated to look good. You've already overreached by asking him for a drink and he politely turned you down. You like the idea of him. You don't know anything about him as a person. Please go reread the handbook and ignore him. If he were interested he'd pursue you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/21 11:27 PM
60

Therapy to learn how to give yourself time to respond mindfully rather than react out of conditioning or past experience. It takes time but it's doable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/21 11:10 PM
223

I'm in my early 30s and remember junior high dances (6-8th grade in my area) were ruined for a few years because Pokemon cards had just come out and the boys were too busy with those to pay any attention to us girls, so we ended up playing board games instead. I miss that innocence. Then I met my first limp dick porn addict in my early 20s and it's all been downhill from there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/21 10:19 PM
437

"hard to read" = "hard to manipulate"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/21 08:11 PM
181

Lazy negs include: "You're smart/funny/etc for a girl" "I don't usually like your body type/skin tone/hair color/hair style/etc but you pull it off" "Wow, you did literally anything from minute decision to major life change all by yourself?" The classic "you're not like other girls" Scrotes can turn anything into a neg. If a guy says anything even neutral after something like "you look great" or "that's awesome, I'm happy for you", it's probably a neg.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/21 12:27 AM
46

Excuse me, "yeah, I do"? Yeah? Not, you know, "yes, I do"? Poor woman's in for a lifetime of hurt with that scrote. That's the same resigned "yeah" you hear in "yeah, honey, I'll take out the trash after the game" after reminding him for two days.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/21 05:22 PM
105

I have some thoughts. Re: the ex scrote, that comment about your looks was projection and an attempt to devalue you so you'd stick around. Glad he's an ex. Next, have you looked around? The average woman is gorgeous and the average man needs to step it up. And in this almost post-covid world, I've been seeing more women embracing the extra weight and "imperfections" than ever before. Finally, the idea that someone will be healed and hit a goal weight and get that promotion and all the stars will…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/21 07:18 AM
138

Pick me's are making scrote's lives too easy. He doesn't have a car, he actually spent time on those idiotic Google forms (bet he thought that was clever) rather than conversing, and she's delivering herself for dates. Stop enabling manchildren!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/21 06:56 AM
330

A man telling you he wants to test for sexual compatibility is automatically emotionally incompatible with you because he's saying he can and wants to have sex without an emotional connection. Just move along.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/21 06:56 AM
36

With three minor children? I'm going to say yes. His priority should be raising his kids, not dating to find a surrogate mother for his kids and subjecting the poor woman to his mother. There's too many stories on this sub alone of absent fathers looking for a new wife to raise another woman's kids so he can continue his lifestyle. We don't have the full story here but I'm not feeling generous or inclined to give him the benefit of the doubt.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/21 11:15 PM
78

The only people here I feel sympathetic towards are the children. They've got a narc grandma, an absent father (because a HVM would have bent over backwards to find a new job/rearrange his work schedule/anything to raise his own kids and keep the narc at arm's length), and he's remarrying after less than four years. I can only hope the new fiancee is a good person. These kids have years of therapy ahead of them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/21 06:56 PM
436

Probably an unpopular opinion, but I'm sensing the letter writer might be a narc. No where does she state that her son asked her to help with childcare, move in, or "enable him keep his life together." It feels like she saw an opportunity to be a savior and swooped in. Notice how she says nothing about how the kids are handling things and it's all about her hurt feelings? A good grandmother would be concerned with her grandchildren's welfare and be vetting the new woman after the children lost t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/21 06:05 PM
314

It reads like a madlib and he remembered the thesaurus exists halfway through
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 06:56 AM
54

Um, not if you know me. Oh wait.... This right here. It's not hard to pay attention to people when you care about them. But no, we're too ✨ mysterious ✨
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 04:24 AM
112

They generally just don't care to listen and asking the friends is just offloading the emotional labor of being a good partner onto her friends, and of course we want to step in and help her have a nice birthday/Christmas/anniversary. It's just involving her friends in his weaponized incompetence. I directly told my ex for years that all I wanted was a nice pair of classic diamond stud earrings. Nothing huge or gaudy, just something nice for work and special occasions. Never got them and he'd co…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 02:28 AM
185

Exactly. Then I came across the statistic that in the US, 70% of divorces are initiated by women and that figure jumps to 90% when the woman holds a bachelor's degree or higher. And that just sent me because not only are we responsible for fixing a broken relationship, we're almost always the ones who leave. Also your username is just chef's kiss 🤌🏻
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/21 11:13 PM
462

CoMmUnIcAtE. Couple's therapy. "Spicing up the bedroom." Things that add even more emotional labor to an already overtaxed woman to try to reengage an emotionally unavailable man. When we look for help, we're told do more.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/21 10:12 PM
101

I read this in David Attenborough's voice 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/21 03:05 AM
144

The bar needs a search party
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/21 01:05 AM
12

I think I worded my comment poorly but I can't think of a better word than "accept" in the sense that I'm seeing them as they actually are without rose-colored glasses or getting caught up in potential. I view it as a form of radical acceptance where you can accept that someone is who they are without allowing them into your life because you see the real them and know that the real them doesn't add value to your life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/21 09:07 PM
105

Alternatively "I'm a foodie" = "one time I went to Jimmy John's instead of Taco Bell"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/21 08:09 PM
157

"How do you exist?" = "I'm about to project my personal manic pixie dream girl on you and put you on an impossible pedestal." Every. Damn. Time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/21 07:04 PM
192

I think I dated this guy too. They can't wrap their heads around the idea that we can accept them for who they are and not want them in our lives because of it. To them acceptance = unlimited hall pass for "you knew what I was!" 😒
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/21 03:15 AM
36

Reading between the lines, this wasn't an issue in his life and marriage before having a daughter. Now that someone can defile and destroy his possession (which he's surely done to another man's possession), suddenly the world needs to see his virtue signaling bs. This sort of thing makes me ragey af.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/21 12:03 AM
105

100% yes. I expect a guy to ask consent before the first kiss. Story time: at the end of my first date with my ex, I hugged him goodbye and he went for my face. That behavior continued throughout the relationship and he would just impulsively do things to my body despite lots of cOmMuNiCaTiOn expressing my discomfort and lack of autonomy. It's not romantic to just kiss someone, it's aggressively violating their boundaries and physically making it more difficult for them to say no by covering the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/21 05:02 AM
107

Tbh as an introvert I run into this "but we have such a connection!" thing with poorly socialized people of all genders and it's only gotten worse lately. The absolute worst are the ones who restart their monologue if you try to cut in. Early conversations with people should be a back and forth with story telling kept to elevator-pitch length.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/21 12:47 AM
21

I think he did too 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 11:54 PM
100

At least Ocasek did the right thing and died. So many LVM are breathing too much air. 😂😂💀
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 09:38 PM
136

Ooh you're right, her husband was Ric Ocasek and nothing prepared me to see that face. Good god. I peeped Wikipedia and he was 20 years older than her and they met when she was 18 and he was married to wife #2. 🤢 What a scrote.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 09:17 PM
368

She's a queen. Her energy and perspective are refreshing and inspiring and she just radiates wisdom and confidence even in her vulnerability. I felt her pain when she said her husband treated her like a coffee table, as a thing to dump shit on and bump into in the middle of the night but otherwise ignored. And I think most women can relate to being seen as a blank canvas for others' desires while being utterly unheard.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 08:25 PM
72

I got major narc vibes too. 6 is definitely narc energy. It's devaluing her experience and ambition, limiting her earning potential making her more likely to be financially dependent, and making her doubt herself with that textbook "I know you better than you know yourself" gaslighting. 8 is less encouraging her about the promotion and more dismissing valid concerns about it because her feelings are beneath him. This one read more as generic toxic positivity with a side of narc dismissiveness.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 06:26 PM
99

This is what I've settled on too. Our society is centered around the male gaze so of course they post things men are attracted to. They literally have no idea about the female gaze and what we look for.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 05:32 PM
49

So I peeped your post history out of curiosity to see what HV behaviors he's demonstrated and a month ago you were posting screenshots of conversations with guys on Bumble. You're still well within the honeymoon phase after a month, and about to move in with him? 🚩🚩🚩
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 07:06 AM
131

I've been thinking about this quite a bit lately after being called intimidating by a few strangers. I think we're projecting confidence and self-assurance and whether they're LV or HV determines how they react to a confident woman. For LVM, their feelings of intimidation, insecurity, and inadequacy are due to their own shortcomings. They're men living in a patriarchal world that was designed for them to succeed, so it follows that N/LVM would be intimidated by a woman getting ahead in life when…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/21 10:44 PM
9

Ooh you're probably right. Even better that he showed himself out 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/21 03:02 AM
208

Anyone ever see what happens when a sports team changes their uniforms? Men can absolutely tell the difference between colors when it's something they care about.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/21 11:24 PM
61

Insecure and shitty men will be intimidated by anything about you that's better than their mediocrity. Case in point, I started a conversation with a cute guy at a MeetUp recently. Turns out he was in school for one of my degrees. Instead of asking for advice or insight into the industry like women tend to do, he actually said I was intimidating and wandered off to go try someone else. Trash took itself out 🚮
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/21 07:39 PM
112

Completely agree! Earlier this week I was making small talk with my boss and the conversation turned to planning and future staffing needs. I decided to be bold and tell him about some little known skills I have that I don't get to use in my current role. I even caught myself saying "I think - no, sorry, that's imposter syndrome talking - I have xyz skills from abc role." He's now seriously considering creating a role for me that would use those skills and allow me to grow. 😁
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/21 06:22 PM
6

Lol nope. This is beyond what mothers are even expected to do. Why should we be playing the tooth fairy just because his phone bill is sitting on the counter?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/21 05:31 PM
8

Of course! Disclaimer, I had mine done around 6 or 7 years ago and haven't done any research on it since so some of my information might be outdated. I knew I specifically wanted my tubes fully removed. With a bi salp, they remove the tubes and cauterize each end so it's immediately effective and absolutely not reversible. Other options like Essure or some variations of a tubal place coils, clips, or bands on the tubes and can have a higher failure rate if they're not placed correctly or migrate…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/21 03:02 AM
50

😂 But for real though grannies know what's up. The majority of them outlive their husbands by 20-30 years, never remarry, and spend their golden years with their families and girlfriends.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/21 09:59 PM
311

made vague plans for food and then a movie “if things went well” Scrote translation: if you put out, I'll let you drive to McDonald's and the budget theater where we'll go 50/50, but we have to stop somewhere first to buy snacks for the movie because the theater snacks are too expensive Hard pass.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/21 08:02 PM
183

Agreed. N/LVM want the best of both worlds: they expect you to develop feelings so they can exploit them, but we aren't entitled to be hurt or surprised when the mask slips. But nOt AlL mEn.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/21 07:41 PM
83

Steal away! You know that little seed of insecurity will stick around for years because they'll never go to the doctor
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/21 07:07 PM
263

"You should get that checked out" is my go-to before blocking and deleting 🤷🏻
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/21 04:55 PM
20

Especially the ones who claim that the woman they're all over is their best friend. Don't get involved with that mess
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/21 04:22 PM
84

There's no excuses. If he's got anxiety about it they can put him under general anesthesia. All the men I know who have had vasectomies said recovery was a long weekend on the couch. Complete recovery from my tubal (bilateral salpingectomy) took a full two weeks.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/21 04:21 AM
146

I hate that this is the state of things but I'm also sort of relieved others are seeing the same LV behavior. Can I commiserate and vent? I went to a party last weekend hosted by friends, also my first since lockdown. Everyone there had advanced degrees and works in business or STEM fields and we also live in a fairly progressive area. The party was potluck style and I couldn't help but notice all of the women brought homemade foods like salads, sides, or desserts. All of the men just brought bo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/21 07:51 PM
261

I'm like you, I need time (sometimes just a few minutes, sometimes a day or two) to process things and I'm always clear that that's what I'm doing and we'll continue the discussion when I have my thoughts together. My narc dad would say things like "why didn't you tell me this before?" It's sort of a weird deflection if you think about it. Because they're not addressing what you're bringing up, they're asking why they didn't have access to this information sooner. And that's some weird codepende…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/21 04:08 AM
240

Damn, sis just nailed my NV father to the wall. Money equalled control and access over my mother and sisters and it was the only form of connection he cared for because it was the only one that gave him power. Don't get involved with these types and don't even consider children with them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/21 06:43 PM
44

This was one of my most disappointing discoveries in college. The more endowed men seem to think the mere presence of a big dick is enough to get women off and you just end up in pain because they don't know how to use it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/21 06:52 AM
395

Oh damn a few experiences just clicked into place. Picky eaters always say pussy "tastes weird" while expecting BJs on demand.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 06:28 PM
4

Exactly, and yes she knew about the date. She doesn't know if the woman he went on the date with knows about her. It's incredibly messed up. She won't accept that he put her on the back burner and was trying to rationalize his behavior but that level of scrotery isn't rational. He's just using these women as an ego boost. I keep trying to get her to see the light and sending memes and hyping her up but so far no luck. If anything she's just dug in her heels.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 06:07 AM
4

I just went through this with my little sister. She was seeing this guy at the start of COVID before they kind of broke up but stayed FWB because they didn't want to break up their social pod, then broke up for real before falling back into FWB. Then he took this other woman out on a date (and went all out, which he'd never done for my sister) but literally right after the date went and slept with my sister again. I told her to throw the whole man out if he doesn't spark joy. She's still "giving…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 05:32 AM
27

It's like a DARVO (deny, attack, reverse victim and offender) speed run. Literally nothing he said isn't a red flag.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 11:01 PM
23

Leaving an abusive man is never a failure. As women we're blamed for not trying enough, for long enough, and for not accepting enough of the abusive acts society has deemed acceptable and even expected in relationships, but then we're also judged for not leaving sooner. The best we can do is leave when we've had enough and have an escape plan, which it sounds like is exactly what you're doing. For what it's worth, I left an emotionally neglectful husband earlier this year at 31. It's been about …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 10:21 PM
17

Exactly my experience. After a malignant narc for a parent you can sense them from miles away just by observing them, and they'll avoid you if they sense that they've been seen for what they are. I've wondered before if I'm oversensitive and imagining things but they always ended up showing themselves. A covert narc is another beast. My ex had cripplingly low self esteem and zero capacity for empathy but that's the only overlap I've been able to find. He didn't even bother to figure out how I wo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 03:02 AM
24

That's exactly what my ex became after starting therapy, getting a diagnosis, and going on meds after we'd been together for a few years. I'm convinced now that he was a covert narc, so covert that he flew under my radar after having a malignant narc parent.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 01:19 AM
60

I've experienced this first hand 🤢
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 12:40 AM
158

Weight negging is frustrating. I've been told to go eat a sandwich at the same weight someone else made fun of my thicker thighs. Treat any and all weight comments like background noise.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 12:12 AM
31

It varies with circumstances and good boundaries need to be in place. A guy who still talks with/follows an ex on Instagram after they dated for a few months? Nah. Divorced with no kids or alimony and no reason to stay in contact? Definitely not. Divorced with kids? Could be fine if he has good boundaries around the ex and they don't do anything together beyond birthday parties for the kids, drop offs, and parent-teacher conferences.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 12:01 AM
143

It's seriously an epidemic. I was born in the late 80s and remember boys in high school and early college (who only grew up with magazines and no unmonitored internet access) were grateful for the opportunity to kiss girls. Condoms were a given and "vanilla" sex was all we knew. Then I met my first porn addict in my early 20s (probably around 2011/12) and it's been downhill from there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/21 10:13 PM
243

It's always pornsick men who say this. They can't feel anything with or without a condom because they have a death grip.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/21 09:48 PM
32

Thank you for saying this. I know I made the right decision for myself and it's starting to become a major vetting topic as I look for new friends. There is definitely a lot of judgement from typically older women (I'm in my early 30s) for leaving a man who wasn't physically abusive, as though that's the only harmful thing someone can do. Everything else just falls under their idea of a "normal marriage" and that's not the good energy to have around.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/21 08:44 PM
129

Your post is perfectly timed! If I can rant a bit, I just went to a MeetUp last night. It was a sit down dinner so we couldn't move around much and I was stuck next to and across from huge pickmes. Over the course of an hour, I was judged for leaving my husband, leaving after only three years of emotional neglect (one of the women stayed for over 10 until her husband told her he was done and wore it as a badge of honor), and for the neighborhood I lived in. One of them went on to tell me that sh…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/21 05:17 PM
131

And the necks. No neck = manlet
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/21 06:57 PM
100

100%. The most abusive men actively seek out the strongest women they can find as a challenge. After she's broken he'll move on to the next conquest.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/21 06:13 PM
258

Yep. I had to force my ex husband to go to the dermatologist for a weird mole on his back that was changing. I had even put in the extra effort to take photos with a ruler and edited them to include the date and it still took over a year for him to even make the appointment. It was benign, but the derm told him something like 80% of the men he sees are there because their girlfriends/wives noticed something. Meanwhile when I had surgery he took a few days off work to take care of me play video g…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/21 05:30 PM
35

He would buy anything except what I actually wanted. I was with my LVX for 8 years and whenever gifting came up I told him all I wanted was a classic pair of diamond stud earrings in platinum. I wear a CZ version daily so I'd love an upgrade and they'd get frequent use. Nothing. Ever. The only jewelry I got from him was my engagement and wedding rings that were paid for out of our shared funds. Literally the easiest piece of jewelry to buy (just pick a carat size and number of prongs basically) …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/10/21 10:17 PM
136

"Crazy cat lady" chiming in. My cats are cleaner and require less emotional labor than my ex husband ever did plus I get daily snuggles without an expectation of bad-to-mediocre sex. They also make for excellent scrote detectors when people find out I'm divorced with cats 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/10/21 08:44 PM
4

Perfection 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/21 03:01 PM
60

Brb, changing my first Hinge photo to include my cat-sized cats.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/21 12:37 AM
247

This a bio of a man looking for another man. Nothing about this is meant to attract a woman.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/21 10:58 PM
7

Mine too. It baffles me how they all seem to pick attributes out of the same workbook.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/21 09:00 PM
80

I honestly believe men view therapy as talking and emotional dumping, like it's a one way street where they verbalize all of the issues once and poof ✨cured✨. Want proof? How many men have said "we talked about xyz last week so why are you nagging me about xyz?" Meanwhile it's still happening and clearly isn't resolved.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/21 05:27 PM
5

So my dad is somewhere between a narcissist and a sociopath. He seemed to be able to actually sense when my siblings and me weren't fully enmeshed and would do a few different things to test us. Sometimes he'd say seemingly random things to check if we were on his wavelength and mirrored his thought process for a certain amount of time and this could happen a while after something happened or someone said something. This one was especially difficult because I had to learn all the logical fallaci…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/10/21 11:11 PM
21

I honestly think he was and I remember my therapist asked if he'd been diagnosed (I'd never shared my suspicion with her until that point). My mind went narc because I have a narc parent who would do similar to test the enmeshment but it could definitely be either one or both.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/10/21 06:14 AM
62

I was married to this guy. I've wondered if he was a covert narc because he seemed to think that I was enmeshed to the point that I knew his inner thoughts and didn't need context around random comments. It was very strange.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/10/21 06:02 AM
80

I had this happen too! Was getting weird vibes from a guy I dated for a few months in college and felt like he put me on a pedestal. One night he asked me to pick a movie to watch on his laptop and I noticed a folder on his desktop labeled with his ex's name. Turns out she was my height and we had the same body type, skin tone, hair color, and eye color, and she had broken up with him like a month before he pursued me. 😳
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/21 04:21 PM
57

Wanting to belong is just a core human need. And not just fitting in, actually belonging. But yeah. I'm currently divorced, estranged from my family of origin, and lost just about all my friends during Covid for various reasons (the ones who are still around are now more in the acquaintance category). I just made a post today on FLUS about making friends because like you I would love to have friends around to grab a coffee and chat about the latest season of whatever. But all that said, the amou…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/21 07:19 AM
93

First grade. We were assigned seats by alphabetical order and I had the misfortune to be between the class clowns for the next eight years. No one was ever moved or reassigned and surprise, I never did have any positive influence over them while they disrupted my education.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/21 02:47 AM
202

Even if you did, he'd have the audacity to triangulate your cooking against his mother/grandmother/ex girlfriend. Hard pass.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/21 11:09 PM
3

Ahhh that's so cute! Mine just barrels into the room and puffs up at me, it's not subtle 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/21 11:06 PM
4

Ugh that's so frustrating when they toe the line between violating your space/boundaries but in a socially acceptable way that no one would notice or think about unless they were very attuned to that sort of thing. I hope he's blocked and out of your mind now ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/21 11:00 PM
9

I'm glad you're recognizing the red flags that are causing your discomfort around him and can hopefully avoid being alone with him in the future. None of his behavior sounds good and he has to be doing something very wrong if the cat skips hissing and growling (likely because the guy ignores it) and goes straight to biting and scratching. He just straight up ignores boundaries. And for the lurkers, some cats do like (light) roughhousing so that in itself isn't a red flag. One of mine loves thing…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/21 08:05 PM
10

Glad you ditched that guy. It's super weird that he lovebombed your dog instead of you. And on a pet lover note, rescues are just the best. One of my girls is a rescue and I know the time and effort it takes to make them feel safe and how rewarding it is when they finally show their personality. That guy was an idiot for thinking he could just bypass all of that work with some toys and treats.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/21 07:27 PM
19

This is a great point. I'd forgotten about this until reading your comment, but my narcissist dad loved having pets around but became irrationally angry when they made noise or needed something. Basically all living things in their vicinity need to act like furniture and house decor until the narc wants entertainment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/21 07:13 PM
5

I loved that episode! It was a great choice to show her physically become taller and more muscular after taking the serum like Rogers did and the respect she earned from her fellow soldiers during the war.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/21 07:09 PM
206

Glad you're rid of him. Mine did something similar. He posted to a sub he knew I frequented about problems we were having, while I was out of town on a work trip. He was genuinely surprised when I got home and showed him his own post and asked wtf he was thinking. He used a burner account but didn't even change his writing style. And yeah, all the comments were enabling and supporting his bad behavior.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/21 01:49 PM
149

Her appearance is a turn off? This scrote's self pity is turn off. Anyone else think he's already had at least an emotional affair and is trying to garner sympathy to make it physical?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/21 06:39 AM
789

This has been my exact experience with people who claim to hate cats. They don't hate cats as an animal, they hate the idea of an autonomous being with its own mind and boundaries who isn't blindly loyal like the average dog (and I'm also a dog lover). Also watch for guys who claim to love cats but treat them like dogs. My ex would scoop up our cats and play with them, ignoring their body language and noises indicating they were about to scratch or bite. And guess what? He also ignored my body l…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/21 12:33 AM
12

This makes so much sense 🤯
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/21 06:26 AM
145

Peggy Carter from Agent Carter is pretty HV from what I remember
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/21 06:02 AM
8

Exactly. He's 31 and you've been seeing each other for six months? You've definitely mentioned your favorites by now and he's probably stayed over and seen your place. Any HVM would have remembered your preferences and noticed things like your most worn perfumes. Dump his ass. He's too old for you anyway.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/21 12:48 AM
114

Even better, Android (and I'm sure iPhone) has a bedtime mode that switches the screen to greyscale and mutes all notifications. Good tech boundaries for yourself and keeps thirsty scrotes at bay 😌
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/21 07:24 PM
62

It doesn't sound like she wants a future with him. Of course we're not getting the full story, but from what he's written they're young and she just finished college last year so 6 years isn't really a red flag. Unless I missed it, there's no mention of his studies or a job. He does laundry and yard work and the bare minimum pet care, but what else does he do besides auditioning for the role? She sounds career-driven and he's trying to stunt her potential whether he's aware of it or not.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/21 04:37 PM
315

The bottom two look like wedding pics so that's him on a good day 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/21 08:11 PM
151

Oooof. Yeah. And while all this was happening, my stepmom was the biggest pick me and traitor. She'd create these bonding activities with me, get me comfortable, then tell my dad what I had told her in confidence. Which he would then use to deepen our bond enmeshment. Parents, man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/21 06:16 PM
183

Ugh I've experienced this too. It's a sleazy sales tactic. And the worst part is they never just say your name like a normal person, they pronounce it in this weird drawn-out way like they're savoring the taste 🤢 makes my skin crawl
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/21 09:53 PM
69

$2 to appeal to the male gaze 😒
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/21 11:21 PM
28

"the best part is you don't have to tell the sex toy why you decided to play with a different sex toy. I call that no drama" 💀
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/21 10:32 PM
136

It was so strange! Like he spent too many hours playing video games or something and couldn't understand why I wasn't following the script. I saw him around after that and he never recognized me so I have to assume he wasn't embarrassed and it was his norm 😳
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/21 04:00 PM
322

I work in a very niche STEM area and am one of a handful in my company. A few years ago I gave a demo to a group ranging from interns to directors. After the demo I was chatting with folks and a summer intern walks up to me and starts explaining the technology and use cases to me. Basically summarizing what I presented 15 minutes prior. So I asked if he had any questions or concerns. He restarted his monologue. I asked if he had any ideas for his intern project. He restarted. I stared at him for…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/21 03:21 PM
8

I can never unsee this 😂😂💀
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/21 05:02 AM
125

Such a waste 😭
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/21 04:49 AM
461

Should have told him he's prettier with his mouth shut /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/21 04:20 AM
86

I read something the other day about hitting rock bottom and I wish I could find it again because it was worded way more eloquently than what I'm about to write. The idea was that rock bottom is your core, your fundamental traits that cannot be altered. You have to cut through all the fluff to reach the hardest parts of yourself. And when you do start to heal and recover, you're bringing those traits with you up to the surface. I'll post the original if I find it. It definitely struck a chord as…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/21 03:25 AM
47

I know just the type. Fucking Ed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/21 01:21 AM
2

Such a shame in other aspects he would have been the perfect husband. This isn't true at all. Something would come up eventually, whether it's job insecurity like this, illness, death, financial strain, etc. Maybe he'd be perfect for a perfect life with no challenges but that's just not realistic. Let go of this thought.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 11:04 PM
28

This is the bare minimum of an adult.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 10:11 PM
16

Here you go: https://bodyvisualizer.com/
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 09:12 PM
16

5'6" and a size 7 shoe reporting in. We exist and apparently we're at the wrong end of the bell curve and fit this crusty scrote's requirements 😅
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 09:09 PM
137

Omg curiosity just got the better of me and I image searched "straightened beards" and now I'm cry-laughing 😂 Edit: and why do all bearded men make that same raised eyebrow expression? Does it come standard with the beard personality ™?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 08:49 PM
446

That's a beardfish for sure. Like a catfish attempt but to cover up his lack of a chin and jawline.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 06:38 PM
445

I couldn't agree more. For anyone still on the fence about if it's abuse, think of it like a combination of gaslighting and stonewalling. These men are trying to sell us this lie: "I'm a grown adult with a full time job yet utterly incapable of cleaning and cooking gaslighting about their abilities and I refuse to talk about it stonewalling, so this problem is all in your head more gaslighting." Sometimes you'll even get "I never had this problem with anyone else/ex-partner triangulation." I wre…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 06:01 PM
9

I did the exact same thing. Never once asked myself if I wanted anything more, it was all about making the experience better for him. Glad we've both seen the light 😅
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 05:44 PM
71

The thing with ghosting is it's only one side of the story, usually the ghosted. 99% of the time the ghoster will say something like "I ghosted them because they didn't listen to my explanations/I felt unsafe/they pushed boundaries/etc and it was the only option" but the ghosted will say "it came out of nowhere" especially with fuckbois who are shit testing. You see this a lot in the estranged parent forums (it's the other side of the raised by narcissists world, I wouldn't recommend it). People…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 05:20 PM
23

Yep. But don't end the date right after he outs himself! Let him think it's going great then block and delete after. If you cut him off right then, his two brain cells might collide and figure it out and then he'll hide his depravity for the next woman. Never tell them what their red flags are.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 05:07 PM
32

This is just chef's kiss 🧑🏻‍🍳💋 I would have paid to see his surprised pikachu face tbh
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 05:04 PM
71

Exactly. I also forgot to add that you can usually tell if a guy watches porn when you make out or get handsy with clothes on and it might save you from having to even ask. For example, some bad signs might be that he seems like he's mentally and emotionally a million miles away when you usually have a decent connection. In some cases it might even feel a bit like he's acting out a scene and you're just a prop. Does he match your energy when you kiss or does he try to advance things way too quic…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 06:06 AM
135

Don't ask if he watches porn (a simple yes/no question), instead ask him what kind of porn he watches. Because the question already makes the assumption that he does (and maybe that you do too), the majority of guys will tell on themselves. Some women here have reported back that some men sent them actual videos of what they like, so just a heads up that might give you a lot of information.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 04:49 AM
60

Exactly. I'd guess 80% of the men I know with clearances are alcoholics (because they can't use anything else) and lots of them frequent strip clubs at home and on work trips (and I'm sure much worse that's even too much for them to boast about in mixed company because they know they're repulsive.)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/21 09:26 PM
155

I work adjacent to lots of folks with clearances. They're just as scrotey as anyone else and the thrill of getting caught and losing it fuels them. Don't think for a second that their clearance means you can skip any vetting because what the government cares about is not at all what you care about. And polygraphs are bs anyway.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/21 08:38 PM
27

There's few things as satisfying as the first night's sleep on an IKEA bedframe assembled single-handedly after leaving a scrote 😌
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/21 06:30 PM
80

By realizing that it's a failing on his part. For whatever reasons (that aren't for us to figure out, it's his problem) he's incapable of valuing, appreciating, and caring for and about someone else. What you can do from here is look at why you mistook his behaviors for love. Did he only say it but maybe without eye contact or in response if you said it first? Did his actions or behaviors look like love? Do you have past trauma with love, for example lovebombing or being gaslighted into believin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/21 04:13 AM
112

Exactly! Nagging is their term for a woman's legitimate frustration with reminding her partner to take out the trash like a child, for years. Then they wonder why we level tf up in all ways after leaving them. It's way easier to look well-rested when a person actually is well-rested and has time to do self care and maintenance.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/21 10:28 PM
439

Literally everything is our fault, haven't you heard? /s Things like nagging and criticism don't happen in a bubble (unless you're generally a toxic person), they happen because of repeated events. And gee I wonder if "letting go of herself" is actually because two grown adults agreed on having kids and the man emotionally checked out, leaving the wife to work and handle housework and childcare in addition to a dealing with a grope-y manbaby. UGH.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/21 09:00 PM
16

Same. I keep seeing this MeetUp in my city that does online speed dating somehow with 8-10 minute one-on-one "dates." It kind of made sense during lockdowns but we're mostly open now. It's like the ultimate low-effort way to talk to lots of LVMs and see their nasty apartments in one go. 🤷🏻
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/21 04:42 PM
155

Right? Back then we'd wander around the mall after dinner before going to the movie theater in the mall. But at least the boys knew to take us to freaking dinner! Ugh. Anyway I'd either not respond at all or maybe a "lol nah" before block & delete.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/21 05:27 AM
810

Is he in high school? "Walking around the mall" is a high school date because his parents only gave him enough money for an ice cream or something.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/21 04:55 AM
69

This is exactly what I did. Was breaking up with a guy when he started threatening self harm so I picked up his phone and called the help line and told the poor soul on the other end what was going on, then handed the phone to my now ex and walked out of his life. He's still alive and very much not my problem.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/21 12:08 AM
53

This guy has to be part bird with hollow bones or something
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/21 04:26 PM
137

Oh I completely agree. She's absolutely stunning and statistically speaking she's intelligent, highly educated, kind, and has a great sense of humor because it's a rare woman who doesn't possess all those things and more. He on the other hand peaked at 17 with that dad bod and Bieber hair.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/21 04:05 AM
222

For real though we need a bat signal for FDS rescue missions
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/21 03:19 AM
66

Thank you for describing this as information gathering! This makes so much sense. I went to a new (to me) MeetUp last week and ended up talking to several men. Note I'm not looking to date at all, just trying to find friends and brush up on my conversation skills post divorce. Several of the men conversed like this and it almost had me questioning if I was just bad at communicating. They'd ask a question, I'd keep my answer light, then I'd have to ask them the same in return over and over again …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/21 12:33 AM
87

This seems like the next iteration after that whole "alone together" thing libfems were pushing a few years back where you would do different things "together" (read: he plays video games while you plan dates or vacations on your laptop next to him on the couch or cook dinner or do chores in the next room). My ex loved that concept because it was billed as "quality time" thus fulfilling a love language but we never actually talked or interacted during that time. This could go on for days. So one…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/21 08:56 PM
16

I definitely had to learn about this type the hard way too to learn what I said above. But now we know how to spot them from a mile away
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/21 11:46 PM
82

Exactly. It's the emotional neglect version of the frog in a boiling pot. He did next to nothing at the start and you (not you you, general you) stuck around, and he will gradually neglect you more and more over time because you've stayed and happily accepted less and less. And once you finally decide to leave, expect a surprised Pikachu face and for him to suddenly just get it because he's been playing you all along.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/21 08:17 PM
286

Seriously fuck this narrative. You get precisely one type of man with this logic and he's emotionally unavailable, distant, and the level of effort will never change throughout the relationship unless you're about to leave in which case he'll improve incrementally for about 72 hours. You will never receive gifts, go on dates, go on vacation, nothing, unless you plan it all and he begrudgingly tags along because you dragged him away from porn and video games.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/21 07:47 PM
40

Yep, this was my parents. A few kids and a bitter divorce by 25. This shit isn't cute.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/21 10:39 PM
110

It takes less time to find a well-reviewed and conveniently located restaurant on Google than it does to style my hair. The bar is in hell and we're tired of the excuses.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/21 08:59 PM
76

Ugh yes. I've experienced bad sleep, nightmares, eczema, acne, body aches, lower back and shoulder pain, headaches, etc., all because I ignored the subtle signs from my body so she ramped up the warnings. All of it resolved each time within a few weeks of breaking up. Listen to your body! It's reacting to what your subconscious is picking up on that your conscious is filtering out and dismissing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/21 06:41 PM
53

Leg day? Never heard of it 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/21 04:06 PM
22

Or Lizzo's "Soulmate"! 👑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/21 04:04 PM
271

UGH when they physically manipulate you into a porn position like you're a sex doll performing for an imaginary camera 🤢
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/21 03:10 AM
2

Absolutely a warning. Notice how she didn't actually say anything about why she would offer support? That's a calculated move so the scrote in question can't twist her words and say she's crazy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/21 10:36 PM
129

You're bothered enough to make a post for others' opinions and you've talked to friends and family. That's already a red flag. Trust your own intuition. Honestly I skimmed the rest as soon as I saw the disclaimer about his good qualities. It doesn't matter how many HV qualities he has if he also has LV qualities. Queens don't settle or accept "decent" or "good enough."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/21 08:27 PM
174

Scrote's big mad that there's only no unaware and untraumatized women available to him because he wants an untarnished woman to destroy as he pleases. This is the equivalent of getting mad at someone for flinching when they hear a raised voice because it made them "feel bad." Go after the people who traumatized us and not the victims for having real trauma responses like hypervigilance.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/21 06:40 PM
59

I'm happy for you! Can I ask how he approached you at the restaurant? I dine solo pretty frequently because I genuinely enjoy it and I'm not sure how I'd handle an interruption.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/21 06:27 PM
305

Same deal here. My sisters and I did all the chores, inside and outside, as we grew up and were physically able to (like hauling the vacuum upstairs or mowing the lawn). Well, my dad moved his girlfriend and her kids in when I was a teen. Suddenly I had a step brother my age whose only chores were outside like mowing and weeding so he took those off my hands. That began the era of "girl chores" and "boy chores" and the start of my disillusionment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/21 11:01 PM
53

Why are you still engaging with this? He should be blocked on all platforms. It's time to pick yourself up and move along.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/21 10:20 PM
351

TIL the boxed hair color aisle at the pharmacy is where you pick your next personality
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/21 03:46 PM
103

Yeah he definitely dances around her point from a superficial level. It's like when you're trying to learn a very intricate or technical concept but only barely grasp it in the way it was presented but don't have a mastery of the material. Like if one variable changes he'll lose it all because he understands it as A -> B -> C as his ex and probably a therapist explained it to him thousands of times. He just doesn't care.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/21 03:03 AM
27

Thanks! Definitely my lockdown MVPs, though not together
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/21 12:34 AM
135

Definitely learned this one the hard way. Also watch for how he reacts to other people saying you're out of his league. Story time: My ex had some wedding photos on his desk at work and would regularly tell me about the comments from his coworkers. One older man very seriously told him something to the effect of "what's a girl like that doing with you? you need to step it up if you want to keep her." He laughed while telling me this story like it was a cute anecdote because he knew I was a pickm…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/21 10:41 PM
73

His smile doesn't reach his eyes where hers lights up her whole face.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/21 09:11 PM
87

Right? He just validated her boundary and the need for it
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/21 10:17 PM
4

Seriously is there a scrote playbook? How are they all so unoriginal?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/21 09:52 PM
10

I'm so sorry you experienced that at a young age. It's awful when a total stranger is more kind to you than your partner because it tells you that your pain and fear is clear for the world to see yet your partner is ignoring it. And in the end he's still an ex even if that situation wasn't the cause. New Year's reminded me of a guy I briefly dated in college who was 5 years older. We were supposed to go across town to a party at his friend's house. He came over to my dorm early for sex before te…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/21 08:17 PM
60

Just leave if your intuition is telling you something is wrong and you're looking into things like Clare's Law. Too much domestic violence goes unreported and unfiled.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/21 07:19 AM
32

these fine gentleman are blocked, deleted, number changed, social media deleted, and never coming back The FDS version of "and she lived happily ever after" 🥂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/21 06:06 AM
78

he’d get passive-aggressive as shit and stop talking to me completely while we’re alone in the wilderness What a man child. I was still with mine for the first year of the pandemic and he couldn't fathom that his moods and silent treatment (1) were obvious and (2) affected other people (read: me) who were stuck in the house with him. At this point I'm just convinced men hate women no matter what and their need to irritate someone else overwhelms everything else. There's no reason to associate wi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/21 02:22 AM
58

Pretty much what shockingupdate said plus an unhealthy dose of dissociation (I hadn't started trauma therapy yet). Eventually I just started ignoring him and did my own thing and just watched as he got more and more sour. In hindsight, the vacations when I did my own thing and let him stew were the ones when he'd pick the most fights and become a sex pest at 3 AM. Writing out some of it in this post is so cathartic because I genuinely repressed how shitty he was to and for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/21 02:15 AM
65

Were you following us when we went to Europe? Because this is exactly what happened on every. single. vacation. I ever went on with him and he would trick me into planning more because "this one will be different!" And ugh you reminded me, we had a "joke" that he needed to be fed, watered, medicated, and rested in a specific order. He literally was a scrote-child and I'm going to go have another glass of wine to celebrate never doing that again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/21 02:07 AM
65

This makes perfect sense. This was all pre-FDS and I know now I was with him for his potential, but this idea of a half real and half ideal self is something I definitely need to explore in this context.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/21 02:03 AM
42

Good training is absolutely a must! And this is a good point about keeping other wild animals away.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/21 12:10 AM
405

I want to offer the best case scenario for hiking or backpacking with a LVM. I used to go a lot with my ex. We both climbed and were in great physical shape but I had the greater mental endurance. You know what happened? Every single hike/trip that I researched, planned, and packed for, he'd find a way to sabotage it and we'd either cut the trip short due to weather or whatever (and I'd have to find a shortcut trail to get back to the car), his back/feet/whatever would hurt and I would end up ca…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/21 09:48 PM
220

It's all about your boundaries and need for privacy in opposition to their out of control drive for unlimited access to you. This is one of the many ways abusers wear you down and most of it is projection. They'll try to say things like "we don't need to hide anything" while they hide their affairs and porn use and "I want you to be 100% comfortable around me" while they're wearing a mask to lure you in. By the way, you know how people know a door is locked? When they test you and try to open it…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/21 08:56 PM
107

That's why I love the term "community dick." It perfectly describes what they are without gendered terms like "man whore" or "man slut" because for some libfem reasons those are terms aimed at women so we have to add "man" for context. 😒 I would go farther and say women who judge other women for literally anything should be pitied for selling themselves out to the patriarchy and treated as handmaidens. The breadcrumbs of approval they get for being "one of the men" (while also being looked down …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/21 07:14 PM
370

There's really no winning here. When I was single, I experienced this entire list. When I was married (despite the fact that I kept my name and career), I was treated like the little wife and people deferred to my husband. Now that I'm divorced, people who know treat me like a cynical old hag for being divorced in my 30s while their male partners still check me out, and people who don't know refer back to the "single" list. Meanwhile, flip this around from my ex husband's point of view. When he …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/21 05:07 PM
324

Yeah you need to use one account for FDS only and make another for the rest of Reddit. It's much safer that way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/21 08:52 PM
205

FDS seems "outlandish" only in comparison to where liberal feminism has gotten us. And I experienced the same thing. I found FDS while I was unpacking a lot of my trauma and conditioning in therapy and starting to see my relatives and friends and former partners for who they were outside of the trauma and libfem lenses I was trained to use. And of course trauma and libfem are not the same but libfem women had a big hand to play in my trauma and choice of partners, so unpacking one meant unpackin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/21 08:00 PM
13

Honestly, dressing down doesn't work either and the same people just say things like "you'll never catch a man looking like that." Wear whatever you want to wear and be confident that you look fantastic. Let people think whatever they like and don't let them live rent free in your head. If a guy thinks you do it for him, let him. When his mask slips and he starts showing his true colors, you'll still be fabulous and he'll be confused that you haven't slacked off too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/21 12:29 AM
1271

Of course he did it. He went back home by himself and didn't bother to report her missing, her family had to after 10 days. There's literally no other explanation for his silence.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/21 03:39 AM
31

This is brilliant. Just need to standardize to "loser #xx" so a Connor doesn't get more chances than a Brad!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/21 11:02 PM
10

I just finished listening to it and completely agree about needing a part 2 because this is such a dense and nuanced subject. Personally I'd love to hear from Dr. Ramani if the Queens could schedule her. Her videos on family roles especially changed my life. Oof, going to go write your second paragraph on my bathroom mirror. It totally is a Pavlovian response installed by people who could literally never be satisfied because they'd move the goal posts if you ever came within reach.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/21 08:15 PM
22

This is so eeriely similar to my life. Narcissist parents and enabling stepparents and family who all gaslighted me into thinking the worst abuse was out of love. So when I met my ex and felt all the same ways (invalidated, unseen, "too much," dismissed, etc.) but without the overt abuse (note to past self: emotional neglect is still abuse), I seriously thought I hit the jackpot. It was only after I cut contact with my family that I was able to see my then-husband for what he was and I couldn't …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/21 05:05 PM
7

Oh of course! Within a month my persistent eczema had disappeared and I was sleeping better. 🤔
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/21 01:15 AM
23

I kept mine and am thankful I did because the marriage lasted less than three years. If I get married again I won't change it. I dislike that my last name is my dad's (it's scrotes all the way down) and have considered changing it to my grandma's maiden.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/21 12:34 AM
115

100%. Well before FDS, my ex and I went to five (five!! the first should have been seen as a red flag) couple's therapists over the years. Each and every one told me I needed to "get my anxiety under control" (which I didn't have prior to him and don't have post-divorce) and just told him to "try harder." One was a psychiatrist and even had me on antidepressants for six months before I broke under all the side effects because I don't even have depression. Couple's therapists are professional gas…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/21 12:03 AM
23

I'm wary about being with men as they get into therapy. It's something they need to have as a regular part of their life before they're ready to date, or have gone for a decent amount of time in the past. I also want to know how long they've been with their current therapist and if they had consultations with more than one (ie, if they put in the work to find a good fit or just settled for a bad fit out of laziness).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/21 03:34 PM
37

Omg my stepmom did the exact same thing! I forgot about this. They were all paparazzi-looking pics that I had no knowledge of and she'd plaster them (and ones of my siblings) all over the house, then take them to work and show her coworkers and all these truck drivers and delivery people who came through (logistics warehouse). It's so creepy!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/21 05:47 AM
237

These women are usually emotionally enmeshed (read: emotional incest) with their sons and see you as a doormat who won't raise a fuss about any of their dysfunction.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/21 12:36 AM
57

I know OLD is frowned upon but I'm using it to practice boundaries and spotting red flags after a divorce and being out of the dating scene for over 8 years. I'm trying Hinge, and I'm specifically avoiding answering the "what are you looking for" or "I want to know xyz about you" type questions and answering questions that are only about me. You don't want to give away any red flags or what you're looking for or any past traumas or anything. And the questions I do answer are kept light, like "fa…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/21 05:55 PM
42

I can't even explain to you how it felt to be wheeled to the elevator after my surgery (bi-salp).... just... 💋👌chef's kiss. YES! I remember waking up in the recovery room and almost crying because of the immediate sense of relief and control I now had over my body. It's been a few years and I still adore my scars. The frustrating part was I was with a fence sitting man at the time who would never get a vasectomy because his decision on kids depended on his partner's stance, so I took it on mysel…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/21 05:45 PM
35

I have noticed a lot of ugly guys posting pics with really hot female family members. This backfires in a spectacular way because us bi ladies might see those pics and think "she's stunning, where's her profile?" and forget about him 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/21 05:21 PM
42

There's one more type of "good listener" - toxic/abusive/narcissistic men listening for insecurities and things to use against you later.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/21 05:06 PM
116

🎶 tale as old as time... 🎶
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/21 09:37 PM
32

I count pets as roommates when men ask about my living situation. 🐱🐶
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/21 03:54 PM
464

You will have full access to the whole house 1100 sqft Translation: "I won't just keep you chained up in my bedroom when you can cook for me too"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/21 03:28 AM
290

Early 30s here and I feel like my life is just beginning. In the first year of the pandemic I was finally able to cut contact with my family of origin and get divorced from a LVM. I'm finally living for myself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/09/21 11:59 PM
11

I've been trying. I just divorced my husband earlier this year because I married for potential that never materialized so I know how it ends, but she just doubled down and said she's not me and he's not my ex so it's different. I tried sprinkling in FDS ideas throughout our conversations and sharing my standards and was called all manner of "stuck up," "bougie," and "entitled." I don't know how much more I can do.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/09/21 04:38 PM
87

I just got into a discussion about cohabitation and finances with my (younger) pickme sister last weekend and I wish I'd had this list then. She's busy dating broke LV boys who can't be bothered to do the minimum for her while she's their fallback booty call and waiting on their ✨ potential ✨ We're not close enough for me to share my financial details with her, but I make a solid 6 figures and live alone in a VHCOL city. I require that a man makes more than me and has plans for further upward mo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/09/21 03:08 AM
140

I used to be pretty involved in my local climbing community back when Free Solo came out, long before I found FDS. Pickmes and LVM idolized him and his one-sided relationship and the hardcore van dwelling climbers talked about him like he was a god and I never understood it for the reasons you listed. Anyway, Alex Honnold is the climbing equivalent of Elon Musk for tech bros. Avoid the fanboys.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/21 10:45 PM
234

I know a LVM with a $1200/month car payment because he had to have a luxury car. There's no excuses.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/21 02:30 AM
8

Ugh I had a few exes like that too! And you know they'd throw a fit if we rolled up in leggings and a hoodie with our hair in a bun and no makeup.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/21 05:04 AM
344

Always followed immediately by "I feel like I can tell you anything." 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/21 12:02 AM
82

This is so frustrating. I met up with some friends (a couple and a single guy) over the weekend for dinner and drinks in a fancier area of town. Both I and the other woman dressed up, did our makeup, and our hair and nails were neat and polished. We both brought jackets/sweaters for later in the evening because the temperature drops off fast after sunset. One man wore ill-fitting jeans and his shirt was covered in dog hair and the other guy was wearing what looked like lounge shorts and a plain …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/21 05:54 PM
16

I hate how accurate this is.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/21 06:42 AM
1

I have to disagree. Your examples are healthy self-esteem and self worth and boundaries and those come from within, while the core of narcissism is deep insecurity and shame and emptiness. There's no such thing as healthy narcissism and Dr. Ramani has a video on this: https://youtu.be/QiQCsrWtUNo Calling it "healthy narcissism" is like saying someone is a safe drunk driver. Let's not put a positive spin on terms like this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/21 06:35 AM
102

Holy hell did you date my ex? Especially about the sex. I described it once like a Venn diagram: there's me, and there's whoever he thinks he's in a relationship with, with veeeeery little overlap and zero desire to do better. It's such a strange experience, like dating a Westworld character.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/21 10:58 PM
28

I almost fell off the elliptical 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/21 04:42 AM
103

That nail has had it with his drama 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/21 02:48 AM
55

Yep, the cure is getting to know them. I'm getting rid of one now after meeting up with some friends and watching a crush binge drink and arrange a booty call at 2am. Talk about dodging a nuke...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/21 02:47 AM
94

I'll need to remember that one. My NV father actually said the above about my now ex, so I just calmly asked what I was doing to prevent that and he just about hit the roof trying to double down but also not say the quiet misogynistic part out loud. Scrotes gonna scrote.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/21 08:07 PM
461

you don't have the cholesterol to be out here I'm screaming
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/21 07:47 PM
284

When I outearned my ex: "a man wants to feel like a man!" So.. go feel like a man? I'm not stopping him 🤷🏻
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/21 05:09 PM
1

It's like how the high waisted mom jeans or cropped flares look good on literally no one. Even size 2 models. It's the clothes that are wrong, not our bodies.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/21 01:17 AM
10

I've noticed this too and even caught myself thinking it! I think it's because of what's in fashion right now (those tank tops with super narrow straps like this) do make shoulders look super broad but it's just a visual trick. Just one way clothing companies give us new things to be self conscious about.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/21 12:55 AM
123

I think theoretically it's possible and people can change but it needs to come from within them for it to be meaningful and permanent. They would need to address their previous fuckboy lives in intensive therapy. I would bet if they're capable of this then they had a nagging doubt during their fuckboy days but did it anyway and in that case there would need to be additional introspection to figure out why they went along with it. They would also need to figure out what they got out of it or were…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/21 10:05 PM
69

All of this, and I want to add that if someone is taking offense to your boundaries, it's clear they were benefitting in some way from you not having them. LV people always tell on themselves.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/21 05:30 PM
47

This reads like they spoofed a pro-woman (not anti-man, like this drivel) post from here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/21 05:03 PM
8

A queen after my own heart! 🥰
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/21 01:43 AM
45

I love this! I've been going out by myself at least twice a month since my divorce earlier this year. My ex never wanted to go anywhere so I'm making it up to past me and setting myself a new standard. Things I've done so far: Found a cute wine bar with appetizers and spent an afternoon there with a good book and people watching Brunch and an afternoon at the botanic garden with a sketchbook or notepad for journaling Spent an afternoon paddle boarding (replace with hiking or whatever's available…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/21 09:47 PM
17

I'm sorry, anonymous? Tell that to the women who lost jobs and were shunned from their families and communities because shitty men decided to dox them or shitty friends and relatives found their profiles.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/21 10:17 PM
14

100% truth. I know these conversations she's talking about and honestly it doesn't matter if he enthusiastically agrees or hems and haws or somewhere in the middle, because that's just words and costs him nothing to say as he watches TV or plays video games. She's stuck on his potential - likely potential she sees and what he's expressed he wants to become. But he's never going to do it. If even if she gets that ring she's going to plan the whole wedding herself, raise their kids herself, and in…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/21 10:06 PM
139

I can already hear the manosphere cries of "but she's used to it!" 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/21 09:13 PM
319

But the poor dears suffered acne and headaches and weight gain in trials! That's inhumane! How could we ask them to suffer like that when their partners could just take a pill instead? (Obviously heavy /s)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/21 08:25 PM
23

There's something therapeutic about angrily typing that list! I never reread mine either but knowing that it exists is enough. I'm glad you found your way out and to loved ones and to FDS!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/21 08:20 PM
14

Ugh I'm sorry she had to deal with that. Their passivity and guilt tripping knows no bounds. It's literally stuff they need to go about their day to day life and still can't be bothered. Mine even dragged his feet on finding his own apartment for a month and hinted that I should help him. 😖 I hope she's done with him and leveling up!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/21 08:17 PM
110

My advice is to get angry. I went through this earlier this year too. I moved out of our shared apartment a month before my now ex husband did so I had to pack around his stuff and it meant I had to go back several times to get more of my things afterwards. Every single time, everything from arranging times to deciding if items were mine or his or to be donated was like dealing with a toddler. He'd go from crying to guilt tripping to pouting to verbally attacking me in the span of minutes. I tap…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/21 07:01 PM
679

If he wanted to, he would.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/21 02:15 AM
93

This is what happened when libfems co-opted mindfulness and added toxic positivity. Yes, your self worth is your problem. But your self worth dictates your boundaries and if your boundary is daily communication and a scrote can't do that, that's when you end that situationship. You can accept someone as they are and know that you deserve better.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/21 02:00 AM
27

My ex woke up one morning with severe abdominal pain and was vomiting and I had to convince him to let me take him to the ER. I wasn't even done filling out his paperwork when they whisked him to a room and hooked him up to morphine. I was still filling out paperwork when they took him to another room for imaging. It ended up being kidney stones but I couldn't believe the proactive treatment. Meanwhile my endometriosis has had me bedbound for 3 days every month since I was 15 and even after diag…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/21 06:43 PM
229

She was absolutely one of us! I loved this movie as a kid and IIRC she was a retired opera singer and her NVM butler tried to get rid of her beloved pets to steal her fortune for himself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/21 04:58 PM
206

Completely ignoring your obvious body language and focusing entirely on what he wants instead. At best, these guys are bad in bed because they're not paying attention to your body and you feel like a masturbatory aide after they got theirs and went to sleep. At worst, they're rapists.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/21 02:12 AM
146

He doesn't understand her point of view because it doesn't benefit him. That's all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/21 12:14 AM
61

EpiPen carrier here and this is my approach as well. I need to be able to trust that the guy won't "forget" and eat something I'm deathly allergic to 15 minutes before coming over and kissing me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 10:09 PM
10

Ugh I hadn't even thought about this but knowing scrotes it wouldn't be surprising.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 05:24 AM
93

I'm a fan of "😷 you should get that checked out" before blocking and deleting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/21 11:58 PM
53

I think the proper response for any women who respects her time and the time it takes to get ready for this kind of meet up is to say that adding a third person wasn't the expectation and leave And that's exactly what I should have done and will do next time someone else tries to do this (because I don't plan on meeting with this friend one on one again after this). I think the audacity is what caught me off guard because it wasn't discussed prior to halfway through dinner and even that was more…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/21 09:34 PM
81

It doesn't seem like it! Especially after watching how many gorgeous women walked into the bar with poorly dressed, unattractive men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/21 08:06 PM
138

It's super LV behavior and I don't understand the thought process. If they're bored of the person just end the evening after dinner. And if they want to get cozy with their partner at a bar just do that and don't invite others. Either one would be totally fine!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/21 08:04 PM
183

I hate the ownership implication. Ex scrote damaged current scrote's property, so current scrote lashes out. A HVM would support you by going with you to the hospital, filing a police report and restraining order, helping you out around the house while you heal, and setting up cameras around the house for safety and peace of mind. Both these men are garbage.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/08/21 08:10 PM
81

video games create a quick reward and dopamine hit, and can draw in LVM who can’t achieve things in their real lives - thus the grinding they do in games for imaginary points matters WAY too much to them, which is off putting and weird for normal people who like real life. Yep, it's way for them to dissociate from their real lives and pretend to be someone who does something they admire. It's also why they "can't relate" to women characters because we're NPCs to them. And I could rant for days o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/08/21 08:02 PM
320

It becomes their identity. I've yet to meet a male gamer who doesn't consider it a core tenet of their personality. If it's Call of Duty type games, that's all they do. If it's unknown indies, they're hipster gamers who hold it over your head that they played something from a studio you've never heard of. And they're obsessive about it and play in all their free time and sometimes more. They're looking for a partner who will indulge this and set up their "battlestations" side by side while assum…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/08/21 06:46 PM
61

Well you just read past married me for filth. 😂 This was my marriage to a T. My ex had an unmanaged mental health condition and in mental health circles "type A" is labeled as "overachiever" and "type B" is "underachiever." I had my own mental health struggles, but my specialty was burying them and so I became the type A/overachiever doing everything you described. I'm not even type A when I'm alone but the part that gets overlooked is shit still has to get done to keep your lives and house runn…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/21 06:05 PM
38

I love their unapologetic personalities and no nonsense boundaries. My goal in life is to take that energy with me. And maaaybe also find someone who will make me breakfast before napping in the sun for hours. Those little house panthers have it made.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/21 05:29 AM
249

The title had me thinking 🤡, intro was 🧐, sign 1 had me thinking 🐈, by the end I knew it had to be a calico baby because they're the sassiest cats I've ever known. May you have many years of her big personality! Well done OP 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/21 04:32 AM
266

I love brunch dates. My city has a fantastic patio/rooftop scene and fancy brunch is big here, so he'll still have to make reservations or you'll be waiting for two hours. For a bonus round, you can tell if he's hungover from the night before and watch how many Bloody Mary's he drinks. Save the bottomless mimosas for girlfriend brunches.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/21 02:29 AM
48

This is an errand. Errands are not dates. Would he go to the dress fittings if she were a bridesmaid?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/21 02:10 AM
149

Completely agree. I really think they view us as something that gets put on a shelf indefinitely until they "activate" us again with a "wyd" text at 2 AM. N/LVM can't fathom that we have hobbies or other things going on that aren't moping around the house and sadly dragging ourselves through the day waiting for their call. It's the man child version of object permanence.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/21 08:52 PM
55

And that peanut-shaped head. See how it's pinched in at his glasses? His brain tried to escape.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/21 05:22 PM
89

It occured to her that she had heard all of this before from him, that he had already told her everything he would ever say to her. This is a whole mood. I've had this experience several times with partners and friends when they're monologuing and your perspective shifts just enough that you're just done with them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/21 10:32 PM
3

I love her. Her podcasts and audiobooks are top tier level up material.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/21 09:07 PM
456

He 100% knew she worked there. The throwaway comment about choosing a girl online is right there. He wasn't going to choose her, but once the universe or whatever did it for him, he wasn't about to turn down the opportunity to dominate and objectify her after all that. This is sickening.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/21 11:52 PM
68

She Who Only Learns Things The Hard Way will never settle again for He Who Does Not Wash His Ass. 🙏🏻
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/21 09:47 PM
373

He's keeping this poor woman on standby in case he wakes up on his 30th birthday and suddenly wants a family, but her having expectations of him and wanting a future makes him anxious. All while he's looking for an upgrade. She's young, I hope she wakes up and leaves his ass.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/21 09:25 PM
242

"What are you looking for in a partner?" roughly translates to "I have no personality of my own besides video games and porn, so let's get to the part where you do the emotional labor of telling me what you want instead of vetting me like you would in a normal relationship, then I'll keep up that facade for a few dates until we have sex and you'll spend the next five years of your life trying to figure out how to get that facade back while I play video games." Hard pass.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/21 05:20 PM
51

They are rapists who somehow managed to get preliminary consent and used that to kick the door open and do whatever they want, and then play dumb later This is exactly it. No amount of boundary setting will ever work with these rapists, they'll always just do whatever they want and claim "but we were in the heat of the moment!" or "my ex liked it!"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/21 07:07 PM
108

They're trying to sell the lie that the same men who can't find the clit are somehow able to "correctly" strangle someone (by controlling blood flow and not crushing the trachea). Selective competency isn't a thing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/21 06:50 PM
38

You should probably read the handbook. All of it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/21 04:02 AM
84

This is the way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/21 06:51 PM
67

I went to a baseball game this week to watch my hometown team. At one point I left my section briefly to get a pic of all the fans to send to a friend back home. This scrote walks up from the side (so I didn't notice him until he was right next to me), sticks his hand out in front of me, and says "hi I'm John." Ok and? Are we just skipping the part where you crack a joke or make a connection before making introductions? It felt like he was attempting to rely on my social conditioning to force ph…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/21 05:53 PM
90

Forget miserable, there's a nonzero chance this guy will have at least one woman chained up in his basement by the end of the year.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/21 06:00 AM
108

This is exactly it. I have very unique handwriting due being forced to switch and write right-handed as a kid. It took my now ex husband about three years to fully be able to read my writing. No one else has ever had problems beyond difficulty with one or two words in a sentence. He just couldn't be bothered with it and instead tried to convince me that my handwriting was just bad and hard to decipher.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/21 06:51 PM
390

Yeah fuck all of that. I've had the higher or equal sex drive in every single relationship I've been in but it always dwindled by the 6 month mark and was gone by a year. Looking back, my body was reacting to signs in the relationship that my mind wasn't ready to admit to. Within my marriage, I can't tell you how many times I woke up to a dick stabbing my back and how many times I tried to explain that my need for sleep trumps his desire for sex, and by continuously waking me up he was (1) abusi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/21 06:04 AM
104

Wait until he finds out about actual sex toys. His entire world will collapse when he realizes he can be replaced with AA batteries. 🤯🤏🏻
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/21 09:51 PM
172

I'm confused. Did he think he had something deep and philosophical to say and instead ended up showing just how porn-sick and uninformed about female sexuality he is?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/21 09:38 PM
1

There's nothing wrong with you. I'm CF and pan- and demisexual, which is of course different from your experience as an asexual person, but I just wanted to validate that we're around. We're not outliers, we're ahead and society needs to respect and catch up to our differences. It's not on us to explain or justify ourselves. ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/21 07:32 PM
173

This is adorable! I love that he did it in a way that doesn't look like costume jewelry. This is elegant and totally wearable every day.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/21 03:41 PM
7

Like a lot of women here, I'm trying to find new friends and one of my approaches has been BumbleBFF. Would someone with far more experience be up for making a guide post on red flags to watch for while vetting profiles and how to plan the initial meet up? 🙏🏻 I think once you've met in person it's easier to vet and build or downgrade the relationship but the early phases seem harder online than in person.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 03:46 PM
113

I think he's talking about his dog? That would at least explain the bit about "his bitch"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 01:41 AM
48

Are you familiar with the grey rock method? It's best used with toxic and abusive people. The idea is to be as uninteresting and unresponsive to them as a rock. You're aiming to avoid them as much as possible and giving single word or very minimal answers otherwise. Eventually they'll give up trying to get anything from you but there may be an extinction burst (brief period where they dial up their efforts and abuse in fear of losing access or control over you) with the more volatile abusers. My…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 01:39 AM
150

Anything except going to therapy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/21 10:54 PM
68

I really don't understand it. You're hot, sweaty, tired, and covered in sunscreen and/or insect repellent. It's exercise but you never hear about a guy proposing at a Lifetime fitness. Oh and odds are good your fingers swell in the heat and that ring might not fit, if he even figured out the correct size in the first place.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/21 08:53 PM
8

I DID TOO!! But mine was named Jeff. The person and the micropenis.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/21 11:04 PM
18

Feels like we are somehow already here lol Yeah because he pole vaulted over a normal relationship progression and your boundaries and is now trying to play innocent while pushing even farther. And what is it with adult men who use "lol" being fuckboys 99/100 times? Just throw out the whole man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/21 05:17 AM
142

32 year old millennial here and I've noticed this too, from men and women. They talk about it like they've reached peak enlightenment and maturity. All I can figure is either (1) they were never serious in the first place and so the downgrade is just a more accurate description or (2) there were feelings and by keeping them in your orbit/harem it's easy to jump back to them for a weekend fling.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/21 05:39 AM
28

Finding a doctor willing to perform it was the hardest part, especially because I was in my mid 20s. I wanted and had a bilateral salpingectomy (complete removal of both tubes and each end is cauterized) rather than something like bands or Essure coils. Mine was done via laparoscopy and I had three tiny incisions (one navel and two more on my left lower abdomen) that are now barely noticeable scars ~8 years later. Recovery varies but I was up and moving around the house 2 days later and back at …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/21 12:06 AM
124

100% agree. I've been through sterilization myself and it's a completely different experience for men and women. Now that I'm in my early 30s and dating men of the same age, I'd expect a child free HVM to already be sterilized and willing to show me the surgical report. I don't plan on disclosing my status until at least that point. Too many LVM out here thinking that means they can go without a condom.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/21 04:44 PM
41

he fulfils what really should be the bare minimum requirement to be allowed in my life... much less my bedroom I'm a very visual person and haven't had coffee yet, so my brain went ahead and pictured a wall around my life, another at my front door, and another at my bedroom, and added "must be this tall to ride" type requirement signage at each. 🤷🏻 Anyway, yeah. Pickme acting as a wingwoman for a man is nasty. Why doesn't she date him if he's such a catch?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/21 04:01 PM
34

Same deal with this group. They expect me to answer texts immediately and be available. I'm a good baker and they always expected me to bring something to gatherings without realizing delicious baked goods take time and money, while everyone else could get away with bringing a bottle of wine or something store bought. I'm just done with unreciprocated effort and unbalanced expectations. Let's make 2021 the year of dumping crappy friends! 🥂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/21 11:49 PM
78

And watch for men trying to pick up where their last relationship left off or trying to mold you into their ex. You can spot this when they do something that is nice but not "you." Say you have a bad day and your preferred bad day cope is ice cream and Netflix but they insist you go take a hot bath. It's nice but not what you like.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/21 09:40 PM
196

I'm so here for this energy. I've been building up boundaries from being a people pleasing doormat. Just yesterday I ran into a former friend who straight up ghosted me six months ago after I told them about my divorce and need for support. They were tripping over themselves trying to say they've been busy and have been meaning to call, trying to weasel back into my radar. I cut them off and just said "it's been six months. that's not a busy issue, that's a prioritization issue, and I would have…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/21 07:10 PM
21

Mine too. I even knew about this dynamic, had read and sent him that "my wife left me because I left dishes by the sink" article, but it was just an added layer of helplessness. I went through it with the dual awareness that (1) this was my reality and (2) this was a well established pattern that couldn't be stopped once we started and just had to be experienced. He wouldn't see either.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/21 05:29 PM
252

From my experience the guys who call women dramatic are the ones who constantly come in uproot women’s entire lives and then call her crazy after they are done emotionally abusing and exploiting her. And unfortunately these women go on to be diagnosed with BPD. I'm not diagnosed with it but have dated men whose exes were (or so they claimed of the ones I didn't know) and could definitely see how that happened to them after several years with these men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/21 05:44 AM
44

My STEM college sold t-shirts and mugs with this phrase printed on them in the bookstore. 😔
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/21 10:37 PM
28

Same. The bedding and mattress cover and his pillow were all tinted yellow on his side. It's so nasty. I moved out and got all new white bedding and a mattress six months ago and everything still looks pristine. 🤷🏻 I'm curious, did you also see tears/holes in the sheets on his side?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/21 05:11 PM
104

So he can't do basic chores but can end up on Shark Tank. Anyone think his wife did all the legwork and this toad shaped man just gave the pitch?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/21 05:03 PM
23

Haha exactly I take that as a compliment thank you very much. I love when people self-select out of my life!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/21 02:24 AM
107

I'm convinced short hair is one of the best LVM detectors, even more so if it's fun colors. Just being in proximity to LVM triggers them to comment whether they hate it or fetishize it. I've literally had men criticize my hair amongst themselves in front of me like a group negging effort. It's a great passive vetting tool and has let me know men think I'm a misandrist, anti-makeup, "alt" as in the porn category, masculine in relationships, queer (literally the only one they got right), you name …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/21 11:15 PM
49

Same. I used to bring treats into the office but no more after my boss introduced our summer intern to me by saying "this is whiskey, she's our resident (job title) and makes fantastic (specific type of cookie)." 😖
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/21 10:09 PM
12

Ooh you're completely right. And apparently married Cora for her money. Definitely low value then.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/21 05:57 AM
8

I really wanted him to be better but every time he was on a HV roll, he'd go screw it up somehow! I would say his character was badly written and inconsistent, but unfortunately there's plenty of people like that in real life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/21 05:08 AM
174

On a less serious but still red flag note, it also indicates bad boundaries, no work-life balance, and no personality. I'm slow fading from a LVM college friend who is always at work or working swing shifts (which isn't common in our field). He's in his early 30s, has no hobbies, no personality (he's still watching reruns of the Simpsons and Family Guy), hasn't dated in 3-4 years, and he's complained about gaining weight. Oh and the job he works ridiculous hours for is underpaying him at least $…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/21 02:40 AM
72

I'm in the middle of a rewatch too! Spoilers below. Tom Branson is on his level up journey. I wasn't a fan of his pre-Sybil's death with how he pursued her (telling her he knows she loves him while she's protesting and all was pretty love-bomby) and leaving her pregnant in Ireland while he ran for safety. He did step up after she passed and became a valuable member and contributor to the estate planning. His boundaries were a little wishy washy around Miss Bunting though and he could have handle…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/21 11:32 PM
51

Oh it took the better part of a decade and several years of marriage, but I figured it out eventually! Some of us have to learn on our own, usually the hard way. I have a coworker just like your former friend. I don't talk personal stuff at work but she just kind of announces her problems to the office. She went on a long rant about her fiance who she has a child with, featuring classics like how they have a line down the bedroom so he can keep his mess on "his side" and how his mom makes snarky…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/21 11:40 PM
212

This tracks. I had zero boundaries or self worth when I started dating my ex, so our first "date" was coffee then walking around long enough that it was dinner time and getting food before mauling my face for a kiss. He would rave to anyone who would listen that our first date was like 10 hours and how "chill" I was. I knew time was running out when I started feeling embarrassed of the story and noticing the looks of pity from friends. I hope she realizes the bar is in hell and wakes up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/21 08:17 PM
23

Her talk Call to Courage is on Netflix! Highly recommend all of her work.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/21 08:09 PM
28

Summers are worst because the difference is so stark. These man children are toddling around with women in tow who actually put in the effort to wear a nice dress and heels, plus all the long term maintenance like hair, nails, and skincare.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/21 12:44 AM
23

The trying to initiate sex at weird moments is definitely a thing. My ex and I would go for 2-3 night backpacking trips and he'd always try to initiate sex at night. Like we're 15 miles from a shower, how tf am I supposed to clean up enough before and after to not get BV or a UTI? And not to mention the sweaty dick and unwashed hands and dirty fingernails. 🤢
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/21 07:07 PM
10

100%. Men want to complain that we glow up physically, mentally, and spiritually after a breakup and they don't get to reap those benefits, without ever realizing they were holding us back from it the entire time. Ugh the ADHD. Have you ever come across the ADHD partner support sub? The entire place is just "accept their limitations and be ready to do literally everything to keep your lives and house going but be gracious when they come through for you once a year." Just say no to the parent-chi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 07:38 PM
5

Ugh triangulation and love bombing are awful and frustrating, I'm sorry you got caught up in that nonsense drama but I'm proud of you for untangling yourself and getting away from it. They're tactics designed to disorient and confuse. I also love “I am not the exception. I am the rule" and might borrow that ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 07:25 PM
7

I think the slow and steady glow up is the way to go, especially after longer relationships. Enough time passed that we would do ourselves a disservice going right back to who we were just before the relationship and not taking the time to integrate with the new us. No matter how fast the glow up, I'm proud of you and happy for you returning to yourself. And I hope you can fully cut him off one day. You deserve that peace.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 07:19 PM
13

I am too. One thing that's really stood out is noticing that I (and so many other women) flourish when we finally give ourselves our own energy, but when we're partnered with N/LVM they just keep asking for and feeling entitled to more and they don't even appear to benefit or feel the warmth of it. There is no amount of "love him more" that will do anything.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 07:12 PM
143

I've been observing this too. I moved during the pandemic and have been exploring restaurants in the new neighborhood. Last time I got a great corner seat and could see half the restaurant. Every single hetero couple, he was less attractive, dressed down/sloppily, and dominating the conversation. The handful of tables with double dates, same deal but worse. The remaining tables with a group of 3 or 4 girlfriends? All dressed up nicely and equally involved in the conversation like you said. It's …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 06:25 AM
25

It's so frustrating. With NVM/LVM we end up arguing for basic human needs against their wants or nice-to-haves.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 05:03 AM
18

Thank you, I am too and I can't wait for more of our sisters to see theirs
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 04:59 AM
13

❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 04:57 AM
62

Thank you. It's hard to be vulnerable even in an anonymous forum but I'm hoping just one lurker reads it and looks at her relationship differently tomorrow.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 04:57 AM
149

I know she's always struggled with money This little nugget stood out to me. I'm not saying it's impossible she's has financial struggles, but after spending time on this sub and the relationship subs, I'm side eyeing the husband here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 01:16 AM
265

Last fall, I was unhappily married, Google searching ways to make him listen to my boundaries, plan special events (he had just skipped another birthday of mine and blown off our anniversary again), and basically just treat me like he did at the start of our relationship. For years I'd tried raising concerns with him, my family, friends, therapists, coworkers, you name it. I knew I wasn't happy but it was an intangible thing I couldn't touch or name, so the world told me to stay with him since h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 12:46 AM
20

So he: Fuckzoned you when he said he can't be friends but would come back around in a few months to check the temperature Came back around, felt that you were receptive/enough time had passed that you should be receptive, and started eroding your boundaries When your boundaries were sufficiently lowered, he went avoidant and said he'd only hurt you, which he's been doing this whole time We can't know if he had a lucid moment and realized he'd been acting like an ass, or if he's stringing you alo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/21 05:06 PM
32

That's so creepy and threatening and weirdly patronizing. Like he's informing you he's chipping away at your boundaries while believing he knows that's what's best for you. I need a shower after that thought. I'm glad you're rid of him!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/21 06:34 AM
71

I think this is a great list. For child free men specifically, I'd eventually want to know why he's child free. I need to know that he's thought about it and already has or will stand up to his family if they start pressuring. Bonus points if he's sure enough to have gone ahead and gotten a vasectomy. The reason for this is my ex husband had the weirdest rationale about kids (he was on the fence and would see what the person he married wanted) and it left me unsettled because it's just so indeci…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/21 04:36 AM
65

It was Good Eats and discovering pho for that uncultured scrote! But for real how is this so accurate 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/21 10:55 PM
1351

"I mean it doesn't happen overnight" ☠️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/21 10:07 PM
200

My now ex husband also tried to cook for me early on, chicken piccata. He'd never made it before. I should mention (and he knew) that I despise capers, but he soldiered on anyway. He somehow managed to burn the outside of the chicken and left the inside raw, got frustrated, wouldn't accept any help or input, and we ended up going out for dinner while he expected me to soothe his ego. So many red flags that FDS would have shown me. I survived the front lines to be able to come back and tell you t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/21 09:57 PM
47

I think you're 100% right in your assessment. Rather than just lead with "hey, I got the deposit back, how do you want to handle splitting it?" like a normal person, he's playing games. He's set it up so he can easily say something like "oh well I kept it because I couldn't get a hold of you" via his usual manipulative methods. Sidenote: I hate someone using my name like that. It's like how parents say their kid's name and their tone is the warning. Ugh. Anyway. He's a creep. Let us know when th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/21 09:18 PM
34

Whoever made WandaVision for Disney+ nailed it. Maybe Black Widow should have been a short series instead. I was full on sobbing for the last two episodes of WandaVision because of how well they portrayed her losses and grief and how relatable it is to want to create a safe corner of the world to live out your dreams even though it hurts people. They didn't hold anything back and that was the sort of deep dive into a character's flawed humanity that I was looking for in Black Widow.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/21 08:51 PM
47

Me too. I started tearing up at the part where what's-his-face was saying the world's most abundant resource is too many little girls (paraphrased) and a big part of me wanted to see how bad it really was and how they overcame it. They could have gone for it and made an emotional film about sisterhood and long term effects of trauma and it would have been an outlier in the Marvel canon anyway. Instead they went for cheap laughs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/21 08:10 PM
26

The bar needs a search party 🕵🏻‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/21 07:44 PM
152

I love your additions to the Bechdel test and that video nails why Harley in Birds of Prey was actually human and relatable compared to Harley in Suicide Squad. I was actually pretty disappointed in Black Widow. There were some excessive ass shots early on in the film when she's living out of the trailer that were drawn out enough that I heard a few women groan in the theater, but otherwise it was okay in that sense. But beyond that, I was expecting something more akin to Wonder Woman or Captain…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/21 05:48 PM
1

I've had this realization too, for me it's all but one (maybe two, I can't remember) assaulted me in some way, usually coercion. The one or two that didn't were still LVM anyway. Like you, my parents and friends loved the ones they met and I never got creep vibes from any of them. It's very unsettling to think this is our norm. At this point I don't believe there's a single man out there who hasn't technically assaulted a partner.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/21 06:44 AM
128

Women are absolutely funnier than men. Our humor tends to be observational and witty. Men's tends to be bathroom humor, sexist, or punching down. Look at famous comedians and see how all the men tell the same jokes about the "old ball and chain" or talking about their penis. Every time I hang out with other women we end up cry-laughing and feeling a genuine emotional connection. I've never had to awkwardly force myself to laugh or call out someone for inappropriate jokes when I'm with other wome…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/07/21 08:09 PM
414

I'm so angry reading this. I was the quiet and well-behaved kid from a rough home but of course that was overlooked because my quietness was convenient. For 8 years I was bullied by the class clowns. I was seated between them for most of it and had my pens and glasses stolen, hair pulled, marks drawn on my arms, and at one point they lifted me and my chair up to table height during class. I got in trouble for all of it while being told that's how boys show they like you. It really fucked up how …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/07/21 06:42 PM
80

He's trash. She had something good happen (that she worked for!) and he's pissy that the attention isn't on him. Now is a good time for friends and family to step up and treat her well until she's back on her feet. Do you live near enough to her to plan a girls day? If not, can you send congratulatory flowers for the promotion? Or set her up with a spa visit? Or even just keep frequent contact with her. Once she's had some time to move past this, she's going to level up so fast and he'll be craw…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/21 10:45 PM
17

Yeah he should be focusing on getting a job rather than dating. Also a divorce at 42 after 14 years and "no drama" is highly suspect. I'd love to know her side. My money's on him future faking her about kids. I love when they tell on themselves, it makes vetting so much easier!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/21 05:28 PM
34

"I'm intimidated by you, so let my copy paste my bio of questionable life choices and you can reassure me that I'm worthy." Next.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/21 05:13 PM
14

"He doesn't want to feel like there's anything on his face." Except dirt. He's so used to dirt and sweat and dead skin that a grody face feels normal. 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/21 07:27 PM
41

I love this! Claire as president to wrap up the show was delightful. The writers just wrote whats-his-face out and moved along, as they should have. Also ask a guy what he thought about movies like Black Widow, Captain Marvel, and Wonder Woman. They'll always tell on themselves.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 08:19 PM
92

Mine too. It's crazy making having the same conversations over and over but he's acting like it's all new to him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 05:39 PM
37

This goes for solo dates too! My favorite one recently was booking myself a massage followed by a chef's tasting menu at a cute restaurant nearby. Literally no man has ever thought to send me for a massage so I'm relaxed for our date. Next up is finding HV friends for awesome dates!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 05:32 PM
66

Well this brought back memories. This is part rant and part solidarity. My (also a gamer) ex was the king of unnecessarily grand and unfinished projects. I asked for window shelves in our bedroom for plants at one point. A month later he was still banging around in the garage with this over designed thing and ended up outsmarting himself and needed my help to hang the shelves in the end. And they were painted and sealed but he didn't bother sanding the wood first. 🤷🏻 And somehow his presence mad…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 05:43 AM
89

I've been told by no less than half a dozen men that they can love me out of my C-PTSD. Even in my worst pickme days, I told them I earned that diagnosis over 30 years and doubted that a few weeks of love bombing and shitty sex from them would fix a damn thing for me and suddenly they'd be all up in their feelings. Nasty ass creeps. Never tell a man about mental health issues.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/21 11:17 PM
91

This can be an especially dangerous type had you let him continue. They're completely capable of going to appointments with you, taking notes, researching, helping you with your medication schedule, all potentially high value things, until you realize too late that they weaseled their way into making themselves indispensable and having control over you all in the name of being "helpful." Good call kicking him to the curb.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/21 10:16 PM
125

The graphic under point 3 is telling. In every single case (managing chores, finances, and child rearing) the men overestimate their contribution or dare to think it's equal. This was well assembled and written, /u/marimare21 !
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/21 05:18 AM
91

I'll second the endorsement overall. This book was the final nudge for me to leave my LVX: Every time you're given a choice between disappointing someone else and disappointing yourself, your duty is to disappoint that someone else. Your job throughout your entire life, is to disappoint as many people as it takes to avoid disappointing yourself. I did put it down several times though and it took me a few months to finish it. I found most of it to be sort of faux woke white feminism and self-cong…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/21 04:00 AM
26

I have to tell myself we all dated men from the same family to explain how common this is, otherwise I'd never date again. 😂 But seriously I think it all goes back to basic LVM traits: an inability to plan or think of the future, indecisiveness because of learned helplessness, and many of them never live alone or if they do they never develop a concrete personality and tastes to decorate their space and express themselves. This is why IKEA and furniture shopping or buying decor is a great vettin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/21 11:10 PM
14

I've definitely had some misses from there! It's kind of like Amazon but with big furniture so there's bound to be some duds. But I think this one is pretty solid from the reviews and my experience so far.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/21 10:22 PM
42

It's seriously a metaphor for the whole relationship. Bland colors only found in nature of dead or dying things.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/21 10:17 PM
25

Wayfair in burgundy. The photos seriously do not do it justice. I've had it about six months and it looks great.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/21 10:14 PM
40

His family. Who remembers birthdays for his parents, grandparents, siblings, their spouses, and niblings? Who remembers mother's day, father's day, anniversaries, and family reunions? And after all that remembering, who handles the gifts and cards for people she's not even related to? Who has to remind him to call his mother on her birthday? Or get his suit dry cleaned for his sibling's wedding? Or send flowers to a grieving great aunt? And don't forget, if she slips or throws in the towel, she'…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/21 09:46 PM
142

100%. Then they advertise on their dating profile that their place needs "a woman's touch." 😒 I actually went a different route when I left my ex though. I left everything with him except my kitchen stuff and a few random things because every single thing we bought together was boring. All of it was shades of grey or black because "it went together" but really he had no taste or eye for decorating. We actually had an argument at IKEA once because I insisted on colorful throw pillows for the grey…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/21 09:16 PM
85

Holy passive voice. Life just happens to this 40 year old man child and it's all out of his control. 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/21 08:55 PM
158

This couldn't be more accurate. I'm recently divorced and have made several IKEA trips by myself for my new apartment. Watching for this is like seeing a couple on their first date at a restaurant; so much second hand embarrassment for her. I'd also add: The guy has zero opinions and no taste and just tells his girlfriend "whatever you think looks nice" The guy sits down in the cafeteria or near the exit. Think of the small herd of men you see outside Victoria's Secret at the mall. Building on t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/21 08:51 PM
38

In our cases, one of the most HV things we can do is recognize when we need a break or accomodations and allow ourselves to take that time. It's not HV to push our minds or bodies to a breaking point no matter the reason.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/21 03:44 AM
79

I'm over here tryin to manifest a Greek god who's been to therapy. That's the least I'll settle for at this point 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/21 12:20 AM
120

We all drank the libfem kool-aid back then. My mom and stepmom are both major pickmes and TV shows and the culture at the time told us to leave the jocks and go for the awkward nerd eating lunch by himself because he'd appreciate the chance and treat us well. That's most definitely not the case.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/21 12:19 AM
170

Girl I can't even begin to tell you. My "type" for years was skinny faux-woke softboi nerds with hella attachment issues who never cut the apron strings. I even married one. One weird thing I noticed is they all had one brother. The birth order didn't matter, but something about a nuclear family with the only woman being a pickme boy mom is the perfect way to create this type.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/21 11:32 PM
7

That bone structure though 😍
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/21 09:34 PM
39

Omg I forgot about Juno! That movie was awful. Every role of his is the male bumbler personified. Now that I'm thinking about it, he's just a younger Seth Rogen or Adam Sandler. Like you said, a blank slate for nerds to project onto.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/21 05:34 AM
82

All of that and the prize is Michael Cera, who perpetually looks like he wandered on set looking for his lost jawline.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/21 04:21 AM
85

Nothing but good vibes and thoughts for you and your kitty from me and my girls ❤️ I'm glad to hear your boyfriend listened to your boundaries around her (allowing her to sniff and decide if she wants attention) and is taking photos and videos. Cats and dogs seem to be good judges of character and it definitely seems like she approves.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/21 12:05 AM
89

One of my LVX's favorite movies was Scott Pilgrim vs The World. He made me watch it with him at some point and I was quietly fuming next to him because he blatantly couldn't see how awful that movie was. And the Bechdel Test - - I mean, that's just perpetuating the misconception amongst men that the world revolves around them - that women don't have insightful, meaningful things to talk about other than them. This is exactly it. It's like they don't have object permanence and (one of the many re…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/21 11:07 PM
14

Nothing here is salvageable. Everything you've said about this creep is a red flag. Block and delete him, keep going to therapy, and read the handbook so you don't get caught up with another one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/21 08:23 PM
125

And then go play video games and when he complains, claim "I thought you got off! You sighed/moaned/whatever"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/21 08:12 PM
14

Omg placing it on his forehead in the middle of the 437th argument about boundaries and he just glitches out 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/21 06:03 PM
31

Question: if you printed this out on a single sheet of paper and placed it on a NVM, would he be able to get up? I'm thinking like a Thor's hammer kind of thing because a NVM is definitely not worthy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/21 05:32 PM
43

I'm in the middle of a rewatch too! The entire show is amazing but her lines and whole vibe are just perfection. I think there's actually good examples of HV men and women scattered around too, as well as some level up journeys.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/21 04:40 PM
48

This is 100% the guy who asks you what you're looking for right off the bat and tries to chameleon his way into a relationship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/21 05:15 AM
113

Ugh, yes. My ex would do the dishes after I made dinner, chores if I wrote up a chores list, and get groceries if I wrote a shopping list. That's all. And he'd get praise for this and people would tell me how lucky I was. Meanwhile I did literally everything else while working the same hours at the same salary with the same commute. This is the lie of 50/50.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/21 04:17 AM
171

He's fetishizing her past experiences that she was likely coerced into. 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/21 07:32 PM
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