Typical emotional abuse- bodyshaming tactics & using feigned ignorance regarding his fiancée's health needs

whiskey_and_oreos · 2022-01-05T05:33:36+00:00

What the hell. Am I reading this right that she's been hospitalized for an eating disorder, yet he criticizes her for being too fat while also ordering food for her, presumably take out? He's so abusive he's playing both sides by undermining her ED recovery then exacerbating it. Meanwhile he won't "let her" have a mirror so he's the only authority on her appearance.

Rescue mission? She's got to leave him before she relapses.

VaselineB · 2022-01-05T05:04:37+00:00

Came across this post & recognized how typical this type of abuse is. In this woman's case she needs to get rid of this abuser who is attacking her self esteem while helping to fuel her eating disorder.

pickadaisy · 2022-01-05T04:55:08+00:00

Wow, the mirror thing completes your case.

DivineGoddess1111111 · 2022-01-05T05:31:45+00:00

She has an eating disorder and he is exacerbating it. He is pure evil and I hope he gets grab asssed in hell for eternity

shadowkittn · 2022-01-05T05:57:24+00:00

Reminds me of an ex who was older than me and hid his insecurities by attempting to make me feel bad about myself. He would pinch any area of normal fat and say I looked pregnant (I was a size 8 FFS🙄) Then he would constantly buy me candy and say I was unappreciative when I didn't eat it.

ewokblubber · 2022-01-05T10:42:13+00:00

I think it's very important to remember that when a man body-shames you, it has nothing to do with your body.

Think about it. This man saw you before getting together with you. Even when looking at clothed people, it is very possible to make an accurate educated guess about what they look like under their clothing. Have you ever been hugely surprised by his body shape when a man takes off his shirt? Nah, you haven't. None of us have, because we have eyes and can gauge someone's size and level of muscle tone based on their shape, how they move, and the visible parts of them. Unless you're wearing some high-level professional corsetry (and I'm NOT talking about a flattering outfit and a well-fitted bra here), HE KNEW WHAT YOU LOOKED LIKE BEFORE GETTING WITH YOU.

So they saw you, accurately assessed your body shape, and decided to sleep with you. That means they found you attractive. Done. You can quit thinking about it.

Every bit of criticsm and body-shaming has NOTHING to do with you. The cricticsm and shaming is ALL about control, needing to put you down so you don't realise you can do better, projecting his own insecurities, and simple sadism.

Leave at the first sign of body shaming. I'm very slim, and I'm realist enough to know for a fact that I am very slim and need not worry about my weight- do you think that stopped men from insiniuating I was too big? No! Because it has nothing to do with what you actually look like. I always left at the first sign of it, and I'm eternally grateful to myself for it. One man insinuated he'd prefer me to exercise more early on in our dating process, I dropped him like a hot potato, and he's engaged to a woman now who lost half her bodyweight dating him. I doubt that was healthy, self-directed weight loss. I suppose it was more along the lines of 'boyfriend controlling what goes on her plate', and that just sounds like hellish abuse. I also doubt he's all that fussy about his partner's slimness- otherwise, he wouldn't have started dating someone who was initially bigger. Seemingly, he's more into the abuse of it.

Pryras · 2022-01-05T07:49:24+00:00

This reminds me of my first bf who loved to neg on my looks. Any negativity towards my body or physical appearance is an instant block and delete.

myeggsarebig · 2022-01-05T10:18:10+00:00

This poor woman doesn’t know what to do? This is heartbreaking that she’s not identifying this as abuse. Someone really hurt this girl. My goodness, I can’t imagine feeling that low, that you can’t see red bombs going off. I mean, I may not notice red flags, but this is such obvious abuse that my heart hurts that she needs to be validated that this is, in fact, some serious, in your face, possibly deadly, abuse.

I hope we can rescue her.

melympia · 2022-01-05T13:36:21+00:00

I'd eventually drop him - sooner rather than later. But, well, when living together, you need an exit strategy, unfortunately.

And the time until the final get-away, I'd totally turn the tables on the scrote. Point out each and every one of his weak spots - from a tiny bit of fat (or more of it, depends on the body) to a receding hairline or thinning hair to lack of muscle definition to a weak chin to a small/slim dick (whichever fits better) - not to mention the endurance training said dick needs.

But, well, I learned to be petty.

pickmieshaexorcist · 2022-01-05T15:23:57+00:00

Women with EDs or in recovery need to be aware that there is a very specific type of abusive man who will target them. A lot of these men have a fetish for dangerously underweight women and will do whatever it takes to destroy her self esteem and make her backslide into ED for his sick gratification. EDs, especially anorexia, has a very high mortality rate so women need to be aware and stay away from these men at all costs.

anadreamy2 · 2022-01-05T12:45:26+00:00

This is so heartbreaking. He’s clearly abusive with her and doesn’t care about her well being at all She already had issues about her eating habits and body image and his presence in her life is just going to make it even more prominent. I hope he stays away from her.

Jaelismyhomegirl · 2022-01-05T14:49:37+00:00

🚨LEAVE HIM, SIS!🚨

Efflights6 · 2022-01-05T15:37:38+00:00

Straight up abuse.

The_Cat_Empress · 2022-01-06T03:55:53+00:00

The only weight she needs to lose is that scrote.

It’s so heartbreaking when women internalize this hatred of themselves and don’t realize it’s the sh*tty mans fault.

She probably doesn’t even have fat and if she did it’s none of that dudes business. SMH!! 😖

Maleficent-Excuse129 · 2022-01-06T04:25:20+00:00

She was looking gorgeous and he is insecure. Of course he stayed home, he’s a controlling NV scrote. I’m praying she leaves him, before they get married. 😔

Title	Typical emotional abuse- bodyshaming tactics & using feigned ignorance regarding his fiancée's health needs
Author	VaselineB
Upvotes	420
Comments	29
Date	January 5, 2022 4:53 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/rweje9/typical_emotional_abuse_bodyshaming_tactics_using/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/typical-emotional-abuse-bodyshaming-tactics-using.1094545 https://theredarchive.com/post/1094545

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