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HerbEverstanks Archive

View 1 posts and 631 comments by HerbEverstanks on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
14

HerbEverstanks/r/Divorce_Men30/11/23 04:48 AM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
3

250 an hour. It only matters what judges think based on the fact that they don't have accountability.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/26 07:29 PM
12

5200/mo for 2.5 years. 4800/mo for 7 years. Married less than 10 yrs. She's too sick to work, but not too sick to film her adultery.she has no job - steals from SSDI and there are no kids - except her.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/26 10:21 AM
1

Mine was simple with no kids. I would have left IL and moved to Indiana. I prob would have saved over 500k in "spousal support ", kept some value in my house and saved close to 100k in lawyer fees.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/26 08:22 PM
2

Id say the usual response when I say what happened in my case is that I had a bad lawyer or I need to get another lawyer. When judges don't have accountability, it doesn't matter.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/26 03:10 PM
3

Formulas, imputed income and guidelines may also be changed by a judge at their discretion. Because - no accountability.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/26 12:25 PM
16

Men, especially high earners, but all men need education on this. You dont know the terms and conditions of being married to the state. We are educated more when we lease a car or buy a tv.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 07:54 PM
1

Both. An excuse for her to have me pay for something. Behave for a bit. Claim if I didn't do it, im taking the easy way out. Then have and record multiple affairs. Claim to be pregnant. Claim to have been raped. Collect money from me in divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 09:28 AM
1

She sounds like classic DARVO
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 09:53 AM
1

I didn't. It was a judges order. Edit: rights are actually conditional privileges. Contracts and pre nups can be broken by a judges order..
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/26 03:04 AM
1

Unless you are told by your lawyer to maintain status quo, which is 100% of the mortgage since i was just a walking atm
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/26 11:59 PM
7

Illinois. 5k per month. 8 yrs for a 10 yr marraige. She was imputed part time minimum wage. (Healthy enough to commit adultery and film it, not healthy enough to work). No kids
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/26 03:37 AM
10

White stains on the couch that weren't there before I went to work. She claimed it was milk. (There was never any milk in the house)
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/26 04:43 PM
1

Or the judge can just max out this payment, as in my case. Based on incomes, she said she can't work, and the judge bought it. Even if I had kid(s), my monthly amount wouldn't be able to be increased. After 3+ years, 100+k in lawyer fees, 3 judges, subpoenas for medical visits and bank accounts, (her) 4 lawyers, (there is no limit as to how many lawyers one has), my payment went from 5.2k per month to 4.8k per month. The 3rd judge imputed part time minimum wage ($13/hr), lowering my 8+ yrs of pa…
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 01:59 PM
2

Its like some other subjects; not a complete sentence. Equal rights with the exception of financially supporting oneself. The system lacks integrity for one side, while allowing (disproportionate) welfare on the other.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 01:47 PM
2

Too bad they don't follow guidelines in Illinois. Then again, one of my "judges" ruled against me while he had alzheimer's. I was married a shorter period of time and have to pay about 200k more than OP. About 150k left. I can't wait until my last "temporary " spousal support payment.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 06:11 AM
3

My x wife filmed her adultery and I saw it. Pretty easy one for me.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/26 08:57 PM
1

There is a small relief every day that goes on. She affected me. Her quality/standard of life has been raised as mine has been lowered. She deserves nothing for committing adultery and ruining the marraige.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/26 07:02 AM
8

Getting a new job that pays less, so she will get less. One day closer to not paying her any more. That's every day for the next few years.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/26 12:28 AM
1

Just happy I was "allowed " to keep my retirement. Hopefully it will still be there when I retire
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/26 05:07 PM
2

"Status quo" lasted 10 months in my case. "Temporary orders" were 2.5 years. So I was stuck paying all of her bills and mortgage for 10 months. During Temporary orders I had to pay the 5.2k as well as her car/health insurance and her phone bill. Once the "final" order was out I was just stck with the 4 8k/mo for another 6 years. Only 160k left!! Note: I realize I moved out of my own house since I didn't want to live with a cheater. So technically I didn't have to pay for my own rent for 4 years,…
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/26 11:54 AM
5

30 hours at min wage after 4 of her lawyers, 8 discoveries, and 3 different judges (one diagnosed with Alzheimer's) and that took my payment down about $400 to $4825. No kids.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/26 11:53 PM
3

5200 for 2 and a half years during "temp" orders. 4800 for 6 years. 10 yr marraige took 4 years to get a judges order. Kept my 401k lost my house. No kids. The more you make the worse it gets. She filmed herself cheating. Illinois.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/26 10:54 PM
3

My x black hole still says she is married on social media. Its only been 3 years....
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/26 01:39 PM
2

Compassion fatigue. I'd write my story on reddit. I'd tell my story to coworkers. Luckily I have an almost endless supply of new coworkers. I'd just tell them the cliff notes. No one truly understands what you are going through except you. When something was bothering me, id turn to walking or cycling. Lost over 22kg.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/26 06:48 AM
1

Or stay at home wreckers in the case of no kids
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/26 04:54 AM
2

You beat me by a bit
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/26 07:09 PM
1

Im one of those 5% Edit: I was ordered to maintain status quo during "temporary" 2 and a half years where I paid all mortgage, taxes, utilities, and her bills (that was the status quo), and she received the tax refund after filing. She owns the house 100%.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/26 07:55 PM
2

It wasn't about the money; I gave mine to a homeless guy.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/26 07:44 PM
2

As long as a judge let's you.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 07:38 PM
1

Yes equality for them = superiority in court.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/26 08:47 PM
2

Yes and yes. I've lost all respect for judges, lawyers, and the system. That is why I will never get married again Women want equality. That's fine by me. But until they can maintain the same accountability as men, the system is broken. Women want equality, except when it comes time to be financially responsible. Had I lost 800 bucks on a divorce, my thought process may be different.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/26 09:33 PM
4

You answered your own question in the 3rd paragraph. When things get ugly, you realized you aren't divorcing her, you are divorcing the state.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/26 01:09 PM
4

Or 80% of your assets, time wasted on the corrupt court system, (3+ years), paying a liar (lawyer), losing 100% of the house you paid for, paying alimony 85% of the length of the time of the marriage, paying her lawyer (court ordered), all knowing you are supporting the person who committed adultery. (No kids). That's losing. The winning part is not having to be around a black hole.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/26 01:07 PM
6

Marraige: because your crappy day doesn't have to end at work.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 04:11 AM
2

Or you just have a judge give the entire thing to her with no choice from me.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/26 01:29 AM
6

Lucky for me: no kids changed phone numbers. Unlucky for me: 5k a month spousal support for 8 years.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/26 02:33 AM
9

Stay at home wrecker. Her job was other dudes while I was at work.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/26 02:02 PM
2

Sounds like illinois
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/25 09:08 PM
2

Check my story above. Xw was a "stay at home nothing".
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/25 05:13 PM
6

I would also make the argument that how much you pay is not so much the issue. The bigger issue(s) are the superior authority of a judge that has no accountability, the lack of laws (length, or the infinate number of lawyers you can have starting the discovery process over) for the proceedings, and also the lack of accountability for your black hole (inset xw name here) for lying on the stand.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/25 10:42 PM
12

"Temporary" was over 2.5 years at $5200+ while the "court" ordered status updates and her not cooperating. Status quo for a year before that. $4800+ for another 5 years. Total marraige 9 yrs 10 months until I filed. Total payment time 8.5 years. Total she will receive over 520k and 100% of the house that she is still in. Statutory guidelines mean nothing. 50/50 means nothing. For a while, I was taking home 19% of my gross income. Illinois. No kids
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/25 07:49 PM
3

I only spent 120k which included 20k I was ordered to pay her 1st of 4 lawyers. I only spent 5 days in court over 4 years of her wasting time. Should have been an "easy case" that shouldn't have lasted more than 18 months... said the 3rd judge. I don't have any children, but I can feel all of those words you wrote. I can't believe what im reading, but I can. Judges have no accountability, from yours, and the 3 on my case (1 with Alzheimer's while on the bench) all the way up to the SCOTUS. No co…
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/25 11:21 AM
12

So you don't submit. Problem solved. Then I can earn, spend, and save my money the way that I want. I can do what I want with my property. You don't marry a person, you marry the state.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 01:16 PM
3

I've posted this about 5 times before but here goes; I gave it to a homeless guy outside a 7-11 in a different state. One man's trash is another man's treasure. No... im not buying booze or getting money or anything else for it. It is trash.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/25 10:14 PM
3

It is. The more money you make, the more the system takes. I can understand how it would hurt someone who makes less and has to pay something like 500 bucks a month in child support. The messed up part is paying for so long (8 years for a 10 year marraige) with no kids. The (3rd) judge didn't use the guidelines in time or amount since i made so much money. Maybe they get upset when a person makes more than they do? I don't know. She got "lucky", and i am penalized for getting an education and a …
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/25 02:06 AM
2

Don't worry, it all goes to her, tax free. There are no kids so it's all hers.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/25 08:30 PM
35

Losing over 500k to the cheater. 100k to a lawyer and 4 years of bs. And my house.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/25 06:10 AM
9

What kind of guy was he? Men are our own worst enemy. He got his stuff wet. That's all he cared about.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 07:09 AM
2

Much easier for me since im single and I can work anywhere ... no kids. Move to a state that is not Illinois new york or ca Annny state would have saved me hundreds of thousands
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/25 11:47 PM
3

My highest billable hours were from switching judges and her switching lawyers. Each time there would be another discovery which would lead the other party to not cooperate. There is no repercussions for her on that front. I guess the point is, none of this is in my hands. The court system is a weapon for her to legally transfer my wealth to hers. You are not married to a person. You are married to the state.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/25 08:30 PM
3

Yet finding that lawyer is impossible. Then when your case drags out so long that you have 3 different judges, this becomes pointless. Judges do /and don't do whatever they please. They dont have any accountability.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/25 08:28 PM
3

Id like to add a few lies I believed. The court would not allow a judge with Alzheimer's to be an active judge on the bench. The court would follow it's own guidelines for paying the other person who committed adultery. Time and amount. There would be some guidelines for the other person switching lawyers. (4 times) Even trying to switch during a 5 day trial. The court would follow it's own guidelines for the length of a simple divorce with no children and few assets to split. The court wouldn't…
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/25 06:52 PM
2

And what the system allows them to have. Not to mention said leeches think they are entitled and deserve this welfare for committing adultery.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/25 10:21 PM
1

Double edged sword. Should I have to pay anything to support a cheater and go through a drawn out BS process for 4 years and pay spousal support for almost 9 years on a 10 year sham marraige? No. Should I have lost my house that she never paid into and is still living there? No. Did I get to keep my entire 401k? Yes. Do I never have to see this black hole again? That makes it worth it.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 02:46 PM
2

My lawyer was 250 an hour. I was ordered to pay her lawyer 21k. The process took 4 years and 4 of her lawyers. Every time she switched lawyers, we would have to do a new discovery, and subpoena her bank accounts and doctors records. I tried pushing for a court date for years and didn't actually speak with a judge for over 3 years. I was making just north of 210k/yr. I ended up taking home about 19% of my income, which most went to basics. She was getting 5.2k/month from me as "temporary " suppor…
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 01:59 PM
4

Im a good case approaching 125k. If you add the 20k I was ordered to pay the xs first liar, im over 125k.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/25 07:01 AM
5

621K, a house, 4 years of proceedings. Gained a piece of mind. Lost a ball and chain. Gained peace and clarity.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/25 10:20 PM
2

Please update when this has a ruling/outcome
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/25 01:37 PM
3

Please read no more Mr nice guy.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/25 05:54 AM
13

Gave mine to a homeless guy. It represents her commitment to me.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/25 02:09 AM
10

Total win!! I wish I could have said the same, it would have saved me over 500k.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 03:04 PM
2

Thank you. If I could do it again, I would, 100 out of 100 times.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 02:58 PM
8

Gave mine to a homeless guy. It felt better than I could have imagined.
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/25 09:05 PM
6

One month closer to being done. 188k left. No kids. Also lost 40 lbs and another 8 million pounds of ball and chain.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/25 10:31 PM
7

The last line.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 03:58 AM
4

I totally get that. The money is what attracts them and it's also a free welfare check at the end. The same thing happened to me.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/25 12:59 AM
5

Don't forget money in the equation.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/25 09:42 PM
1

Mine was 103k, she had 4 different lawyers. I was ordered to pay her first liar 21k. Each time she got a new lawyer, there was a new discovery. Over 4 years, no kids, Illinois. My lawyer was 250 an hour. 4 days in court with fees was over 19k. Edit: I didn’t include losing my house and the 523k in spousal “support”. I got to keep my 401k.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/25 02:47 AM
2

Everyone and their relationship is different. I can feel your pain. Fortunately enough for me, I was able to compartmentalize most of the emotions. Most of the time was not good and I was walking on eggshells the entire time. (Personality disorders, alchohilic, cheater, dead bedroom, etc) The wounds that hurt the most were the lost time, effort and "love" and commitment I gave to her. And in return I received the biggest wound of all to my wallet. To continuously give money to a cheater hurts.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/25 04:20 AM
3

I found that my real anniversary is the date of the divorce. Not to be crass, but marriage isn't forever, dovorce is. It is the start of a new beginning, a better, more positive you.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/25 01:41 AM
1

Mine is Jan 1st 2029. I moved out June 2020, married 10 years no kids. Sorry "married" 10 years, she was emotionally cheating throughout. Had she been able to put the effort into the marriage as she did cheating, it would have been and still be a marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/25 10:13 PM
2

Still better to write a check (put a picture of your choice on it) than to have your paycheck garnished. (Don't have kids either). Each paycheck is closer to the end, so yes, that feels better. I've got about 190k to go.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/25 03:49 AM
4

Gave mine to a homeless dude in a different state when he asked if I could spare some change. I told him to do whatever he wants with it.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 11:45 PM
1

I also spent 4 years trying to get to court. I did 48 status updates. 1st judge switched to traffic court after 10 months. 2nd judge ordered i pay her lawyer 21k and made a judgement against me for "temporary" spousal support over 5.2k a month. That would last almost 3 years. He got Alzheimer's, and left the court. X had 3 lawyers. I did 9 discoveries (ordered by her) she tried to switch to a 4th lawyer on our 4th day of court. She was granted it later, so that's 4 total. I have no kids and I lo…
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/25 01:19 AM
2

The real anniversary is the date of your divorce. Divorce is forever. Marriage is not. Celebrate your new life. Edit mine took 4 years with no kids. All the other party has to do is switch lawyers. Start a new discovery, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/25 12:42 AM
2

Prenups "can" mean nothing. It is up to a judge. They can be used, they can be cherry-picked, or they can be thrown out.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/25 05:46 AM
3

Kids or no kids DV claims or not, in family court you are considered guilty of whatever you are accused of without evidence.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/25 06:05 PM
2

Mine was thrown out after signed by both parties because she refused to sign a prove up document during covid. The court also allowed her not to follow its own order for her to list, sell, or assume the mortgage. A no kids divorce lasted over 4 years.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/25 07:03 AM
2

Nope, there are entitled women on there. You threatened their (perceived) ability to make men a walking ATM for their convenience.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/25 05:10 AM
1

Because it happened to me. The court made an order for the home to be sold in 2020. She was allowed to not do anything except live rent free for over 4 years. 50/50 is up to a judge. I got 0 and she assumed the mortgage with the 5k per month I have been ordered to pay with no kids.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/25 01:36 AM
6

That post has been repeated, and it should continue to be repeated.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/25 01:30 AM
1

I was told the exact opposite. Par for the course
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/25 05:59 AM
1

🍆 is the one I used. Its also the one she sat on when I wasn't home.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/25 04:42 AM
7

I am an example of an ATM machine who has not fathered children. So, yes, western-style "democracy", never ever get married.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/25 10:32 PM
1

A prenup depends on the judge(s)
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/25 05:48 AM
4

My x wife also has a pattern of dick hammering, only when I wasn't home. Men are used as wallets in the court system.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/25 10:29 AM
3

Never again. Not worth it. Period. Thank goodness there are no children. She tried her hardest to have children. Even asked my sister in law to be a surrogate without my knowledge.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/25 01:24 AM
1

I agree. In other words we have no faith in the court system. Judges don't judge, guidelines aren't followed. You are guilty until proven innocent. If you read some of my past posts, you'd know one of my 3 judges had alzheimer's while on the bench.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/25 01:22 AM
6

Jeez. I have to pay 546k in total and lost my house. I dont even have kids. Mine tried to not pay the mortgage with the 5k+ a month I was ordered to give her plus the 1700/mo she was getting from ssdi. She tried to file hardship. Lol
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/25 06:01 AM
8

Mine dragged it out for 4 years. I did the counseling. It doesn't work.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 11:01 PM
4

Until you get 3 different judges because the xw dragged her feet for 4 years.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 03:54 AM
3

I lose 35k every 7 months for almost 9 years with no kids. Please enjoy your peace. It is worth every dollar.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/25 05:43 AM
2

At the least, please be thankful that it's not a high conflict divorce. (So far). That will make things much harder.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/25 02:09 AM
2

I got to keep my 401k. In reality, there is no winning. I wasted 12 years of my life with a black hole. Maybe I could say "I won" even though I wasted time and money on her and lost my house, but I "won" my 401k. If I can keep my job, that will be a multi-million dollar account.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/25 02:03 AM
2

401k loan to pay her lawyer 21k. Credit card debt to pay mine (about 100k over 4 years)
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/25 02:05 AM
4

It took too long, I was judged to pay her way too much for too long, and the family court system is a joke. Judges don't judge and the laws are written for women from the 1960s with no job, no education, kids, and no car. She couldn't check any of those boxes. In the end, I don't have to see her again. I lost my house, but was able to keep my 401k. In the long run it will be worth exponentially more than the money and the house I lost. The thing you can't replace is time and effort.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/25 12:45 PM
3

Have your x sign a msa then back away from it during covid. Have your x change lawyers 4 times. Have your fake legal system drag out a simple case with no kids for 4 years. Paid 21k to her lawyer (judged). Paid right around 100k to my lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/25 12:58 AM
2

Prenups and post nups are up to a judge in the end. Just like I should get get 50% of the house. But she is still living in the house where she committed adultery. Shes making over 6k a month with no job. She will make more off spousal support (no kids) than she would have ever made in her entire career.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/25 10:23 PM
8

They will get remarried depending on whether they will continue to receive alimony**** Money/property/status/ego comes before anything else.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/25 08:08 PM
6

Mine is in the house that I bought and somehow (maybe a cosigner?) Was able to assume the mortgage with no job. Either way, I don't want to live where her adultery was committed. She ruined her own life.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/25 03:38 AM
4

Im not anymore. I was when I was married.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/25 05:08 AM
5

If you count happiness of not walking on eggshells and seeing a black hole everyday minus the alimony, Yes I got 90%.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/25 09:52 PM
3

Well, I got to keep my retirement account. The first judge did nothing for 10 months and then transferred to traffic court. The 2nd judge on my case made me pay 21k of her 1st lawyer's fees (she ended up having 4 different lawyers), and 5.2k per month for 3 years as "temporary maintenance". The 2nd judge also retired because he had Alzheimer's. The 3rd judge made me pay 4.8k for 5 more years and gave her the house that I paid for. I spent almost 4 years in the process. Paid her for 8.5 years for…
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/25 07:12 AM
6

The optics of your behavior are dependent on the judge. (disclaimer: no children involved). I behaved as you did. Calm, quiet, only responded to questions from the opposing counsel and the judge with gray rock answers. He called me the "model litigant". YMMV I spent 5 days in court for a simple divorce with no children. My 5 days in court were led by 3 and a half years of BS. The problem with judges is that they are all different. The problem with the law(s) is that they don't look at each case …
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/25 05:55 AM
9

The worst witchcraft you can do to her is focus on yourself and lead a truly happy life without the baggage of a 9 billion ton black hole you have been dragging around. You are better without her.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/25 06:15 PM
1

The person you divorce is not the same person you married. Most people grow up, she just "grew down", regressed, and became less mature. As for drugs, we'll, of course, when we met and got married, she worked. As time went on, she worked less and less. Once we bought a house "together", that was her cue to not work anymore and ingest drugs and other guys dicks.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/25 12:16 PM
1

My contribution was to be codependent on her. Never again.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/25 05:55 PM
5

That was working well for her. I put in 90% she puts in 10% and she spends 100%
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/25 04:16 AM
16

I was told by a family member and other coworkers that our finances should be in a joint account. I was hesitant for about the first 7 or 8 years of marriage, as I was making sure (and paying for) apartment rent/mortgage, utilities, car payments, etc. I tried the joint account thing for 2 months. Both months there was about $20 left in that account after all bills were paid. She would drain the account out for alcohol and cigarettes.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/25 12:48 PM
4

Mine was 43 months. Congrats to OP! That's too long, but not unheard of.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/25 09:35 AM
1

It’s a document that states your name and you are signing said document willfully and without duress. This is also stated in the MSA, but an extra step since no one was in court during Covid. Basically she signed the MSA but it was not enforced since no one was in person.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/25 03:46 AM
5

Leave a cheater, gain a life. By Tracy Schorn.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/25 10:44 PM
2

Mine signed. Didn't sign the "prove up " agreement during covid. It lasted another 3 years...... Congrats to you, and your moving forward!
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/25 10:35 PM
1

Nope. His 2017 administration made the law. Even if the tax code was "sunsetted" in 2025, that part stayed the same. In reality, none of it was a tax cut except for billionaires. The result is no tax for her. By bearing the full tax burden myself, a higher amount of tax is collected by taxing me rather than taxing both of us at a lower rate. Edit: apologies for not sticking to the thread. I am happy for the Canadians for having a more fair tax code and the OP for a win!
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/25 01:40 PM
2

In the usa, we can thank the "tax cut and jobs act" for eliminating that in 2017. Thanks orange man, she doesn't pay taxes or have a job.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/25 01:17 AM
9

Congrats!
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/25 11:23 PM
1

Id estimate 40k? We don't speak any more
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/25 05:21 PM
5

Yes, when the other person doesn't agree with anything, simple divorce with no kids, turned into a 4 plus year ordeal and a 125k lawyer fee joke.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/25 03:13 AM
10

Sounds like OP was me.... a wallet.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/25 07:43 AM
2

Just got an indoor trainer. I'm out of town a lot. When I'm home I'd have e to pack a bike into or on a car and drive 10 miles to ride. The indoor trainer solves that. Had mine about a week so far and love it.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/25 03:33 AM
3

Cycling is great with no impact. Not everyone is a jogger or weight lifter/karate, etc. Get the anger and stress out through the pedals. Edit: to each their own. Find your thing. The important thing is to up your fitness or improve it. Don't get lazy and sulk because the black hole (ex wife) ruined your family/wallet/friendhips.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/25 12:58 AM
4

Cycling. Home trainer. 40 to 60 mile rides with friends. T shirt rides. Makes you sleep like a champ.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/25 01:13 PM
2

Mine was supposed to refi in dec of 2020. Didn't follow court order. Nothing happened. 4.5 years later she missed the 2nd deadline of court order where I lost the house. She ended up being in contempt of court and had to pay my fees associated with wasting the time of the court and lying under oath. Since you agreed, you will probably have to wait until that time, and then some if your ex was anything like mine.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/25 11:29 PM
11

Lock someone else in for 18 yrs
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/25 08:46 PM
1

Agreed 100% If you have money, you lose it. If you don't have money, you lose. Thank goodness there are no children. Lawyers aside, the "court" system allows this and "judges" dont judge. There is no law against grandstanding, or how many lawyers she can have. There were no repercussions to her when a simple discovery takes 8 months. No one cares.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/25 06:53 AM
1

I am fortunate enough to make enough money to have paid all the legal fees. I started with a credit card offering 2% cash back with a 7k limit. I paid 5 k at a time and the bank raised my limit to 40k. Used the 2% as credit toward the bill. Did that with another card and another, eventually raised my credit limit to over 175k. I know what my x was trying to do. I know what lawyers and judges are trying to do. I was fortunate enough to not let them. Also 100k legal fees were over 4.5 years. If th…
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/25 09:05 PM
1

I was told that ssdi income does not affect my spousal support payment. Then again they didn't follow guidelines.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/25 08:57 PM
4

Court ordered to see that if she is healthy enough to cheat when you are at work, she's healthy enough to work. ---->imputed income----->theoretically less child support. Or in my case with no kids, child support.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/25 05:40 AM
3

She didn't pay her 1st lawyer and got sued for 10k then lost. I paid (ordered to) the first 21k of her lawyer. That judge (with Alzheimer's while on the bench) figured that 21k would be all of her lawyer fees. She didn't need a credit card when she was getting paid over 5k a month and scamming ssdi for 1700 a month and not paying her lawyer. Nothing was finalized, not even when I offered her 100% of the house, pay her for 10 years and have it reviewable after 10 years. I am not the breadwinner, …
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/25 05:24 AM
7

3.5 years no kids. 3 judges. 4 of her lawyers. Didn't cooperate with anything. All we had to do was determine : "spousal support" (8.5 years for a 10 year marraige) over 500k Split medical and personal debt Get my name off the house which I lost 100% of that Get my name off her car which I lost 100% of that Split 401k. Got 100% of mine and none of hers. Took another year for her to do what was in the order. 4 more years of paying her. I could have figured this out in 5 minutes.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/25 03:10 PM
7

Mine was using our "joint" account which all monies were contributed by me. At this particular grocery store you can print out a ticket for the vegetable that you are buying and you just weigh it at self check out. She scanned all vegetables and sometimes different items as cucumbers as they were the cheapest. A 12 pack of coke was $.59. She was proud that she was able to scam the system. Not even using her own money.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/25 06:19 PM
1

4.5 years.. no kids. Got a date after 18 months- she signed an agreement, but didn't sign the "prove up" last page during covid. Backed of it. Was allowed to not follow a court order to list or refi the house fir over 4 years. 3 judges 4 if her lawyers. The court doesn't care
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/25 10:15 AM
3

I pay that too, and don't have any kids. The money and your life can be rebuilt for you and your kids.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/25 03:18 AM
2

I gave mine to a homeless guy in a different state. In my mind, selling it would assume I value currency in exchange for a piece of trash.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/25 03:35 AM
2

I feel your pain I had an order signed by a judge at 54 months since the x wouldnt sign anything. Illinois. No kids. My lawyer said it would be hard to prove (not the cohabitation), but they have to "hold out" as married/husband and wife, share bank accounts, etc. In the end, it's up for a judge to decide. there is no accountability with a high conflict narc as well as no accountability with judges. Ymmv. Mine tried to accuse me of getting a half million dollar policy from a made up person in my…
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/25 01:39 AM
4

My xs 3rd lawyer ended up doing this. She ended up not having to pay her for her ineptitude and lack of preparation. Not that the "court" cared that her 4 lawyers and 3 different judges wasted 4.5 years of my time . (No kids involved)
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/25 03:22 AM
1

No problem. I didn't go out of my way out of the kindness of whatever is left of my heart, I was told it would be much worse if I didn't. 99% of the stories on this sub are proof of that point. If I miss one spousal "support" payment (which in the end of 8+ years -will total over 500k usd), my late fee is over $900. My paycheck is being garnished, which "usually doesn't happen without children", so I don't have to worry about that. I just have to keep/maintain my job which pays her $58k a year t…
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/25 03:15 AM
1

Not at all. She got it because a judge ordered it. I got to keep my 401k. In the long run the 401k will be worth much more. I was accused of abandonment since I "left." I didn't have kids, and I'm not sitting on the same couch that I bought and the same bed that I bought in the same house I bought and paid for... where her adultery was committed. I followed my lawyers advice and maintained status quo. I gave her 1k cash per month. I paid all of her bills, including her car bill (I bought the car…
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/25 08:17 PM
2

Or in my case, over 120k of liar fees,4 and a half years, I was the 1 out of 10, lost over 500k and my house. But I filed first. YMMV
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/25 05:19 AM
1

Edit after reading more comments: I paid for 2 Yale scholarships.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/25 05:45 AM
1

93k lawyer fees, plus paying her 1st of 4 lawyers 21k, 4 and a half years, 4 of her lawyers, 3 judges, no kids, she doesn't work, lost my house, 8.5 years of 5k spousal support for a 10 year marraige. Yeah, it's a scam
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/25 05:42 AM
1

That law applies to every state. There is no way out of you paying all the taxes for her. Edit: When I mentioned this on the stand after 4 and a half years of litigation, the judge (3rd judge on my case) said, "Let's not talk about tax implications."
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/25 05:36 AM
2

Are you referring to the 2017 TCJA (Tax Cut and Jobs Act)? The one where you get taxed (and she doesn't) while you have to have a job (and she doesn't)?
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/25 04:06 AM
3

Monkey branching
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/25 03:53 AM
11

People end up getting compassion fatigue. They would rather hear about your dog getting run over by a car. They can relate to that. Your divorce? Nope. I think that's why we're here. No one cares how much money I lost because you can "make it back." No one cares about the time I wasted because I "learned a lesson." No one cares about how I felt because, well, we're men and we don't have feelings. No one cares about the out dated laws in _____ county, (insert state here). No one cares about how t…
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/25 08:59 AM
11

I'd also like to add that prenups may or may not work out. That depends on the judge. This info should be an elective in high school, not right before your marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/25 10:15 PM
2

This info seems to be unknown by most on this sub.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/25 10:14 PM
1

This bis also dependant on the judgebyou get. There are calculations and guidelines, but the judge can do whatever he/she wants. You don't have to ask me how I know.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/25 05:38 AM
2

We all wish we learned this before.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/25 05:30 AM
5

You are her wallet. In most cases, I’d say they want your wallet, but they want multiple partners.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/25 05:31 AM
9

We aligned in values the most important thing. Upvoted...
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/25 08:29 PM
2

Mine took 52 months. No papers just a judges order which she didn't follow. I dont own a business and I don't have kids
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/25 05:25 AM
1

The part where the person paying does not expire.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/25 03:29 AM
21

"But removing this status will likely hurt another group of vulnerable people: divorcees with children. It could be especially problematic for anyone considering getting a divorce, but trapped by financial circumstances." The TCJA of 2017 already hurts people paying alimony. It allows her to get the tax cut (no tax on alimony), while not having a job. She pays no tax on 60k a year from me for 8 years. 83% of the real cuts went to the 1%. Look at the billionaires now.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/25 05:19 AM
2

I was given 3 days to pay over 11k to xw and 21k to her lawyer. This included the current month and previous month of spousal support (over 5k per month). I ended up making a payment plan with her lawyer. 5k every other month and 6k at the last payment for a total of 21k. My credit limit on that card went from 7k to 40k. I also got 2% cash back from the citi credit card. My lawyer fees have exceeded 100k since the process took over 4 years with 3 judges and 4 of her liars (lawyers). All we had t…
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/25 04:14 AM
3

+1. When you have nothing left to lose, there are only things to gain. You will end up giving zero fs about things you used to care about. At least thats been my experience.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/25 03:59 AM
1

That's was in IL. I didn't do my research and could have gotten a state residence in other than a FU state. (CA, NY, IL)
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/25 04:55 AM
2

I appreciate that. In a malignant narcissistic mind, to her, I was the biggest chump (co-dependent), and the best money. These people will always die alone. My saying is that you can't love somebody else if you dobt love yourself. Unfortunately, the person you divorced is not the same person you married
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/25 12:04 PM
9

My (third) judge actually admitted that she lied on the stand in court. There were no consequences for her except she got 100% of the house.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/25 07:36 AM
7

Any xw that us getting paid like mine will never get married until the payments are over. It's all about the transfer of wealth.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/25 05:09 AM
1

Until your stbx fires their lawyer once, gets another, fires that one, get a trial 3 years later, fires that one, and gets a 4th lawyer. There is no law against this. I was also unlucky enough to have 3 different judges.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/25 10:30 AM
1

Mine had an Alexa with a camera that her AP was paying for the montly fee. He (AP) said that this is how he was paying her back for the airline tickets my xw bought him. It would have taken about 30 years to pay it off. X wife got mad that I took over said Alexa, woth out telling her, in my own house... SMH I had to explain to her, that I was paying for this Alexa subscription, and she changed it to AP with out telling me. I'm guessing they used the camera for sex chat.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/25 06:33 AM
2

Love it when her side of the story was "he left me - he said I can't have any money, I'm cut off"... I told her that she forced me to leave. I didn't know I married a whore.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/25 06:17 AM
6

Finding videos on her phone of her riding the next door neighbor on the couch I bought her for Christmas in the house I paid for under the new roof I bought ( that she signed a contract for while I was out of town working) during Christmas while I was out of town working, providing for her alcoholism.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/25 05:04 AM
1

I don't have kids. I left the house first. I paid the mortgage, utilities, her car loan, her student loan, lawn care, etc. I moved out and was still accused of abandonment.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/25 05:26 PM
3

I don't have to imagine it, I did it. Fortunately enough for me, she couldn't have children. She tried her best to have children to put me on the hook for 18 years instead of 9. Since then, I've learned a lot about being a chump, being co dependent, and avoiding red flags.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 07:44 PM
5

Mine would have let it go forever, but it "only " went on for 4 years until I found the videos she took of her affair(s) on her phone. I waited about 2 weeks, contemplating the implications of leave/keep/divorce, etc. She claimed that since I waited 2 weeks and didn't tell her, that what i did "was sick"
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 03:02 PM
1

If I had a half million, I’d do the same
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/25 04:52 AM
1

Except multiple other guys were renting it at the same time.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/25 04:51 AM
1

“Married” just short of 10 years. No kids. Dragged out for 3.5 years and 4 of her lawyers, one of the 3 judges (all male) had Alzheimer’s. Paid a bit over $200k of “temporary” support for the over 3 years it took to get a judges order. Judge with Alzheimer’s orders me to pay 21k of her fees. Paying another 289k after the order, for a total of 8.5 years for an almost 10 year marriage. I got nothing from my house that I paid for. In total with losing the house and the 120k lawyer fees (so far), I’…
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/25 04:46 AM
1

This is what started my divorce. If I were cheating, I'd expect her to go through mine. But since it was the other way around, I found videos that her AP took of the deed. I found pictures as well as text that show her to be a racist and a bigot. Then she tried to claim she was raped. Then she claimed that he forced her to do coke for said "rape". I'm glad I found out. Without that I'd just be guessing. All of this happened when I was out of town.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/25 06:01 AM
1

It certainly doesn't in Illinois, but that's nice.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/25 05:56 AM
2

Having 4 more years to pay out of 8 for a 10 ur "marriage "
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/24 11:42 PM
3

I had 4 "anniversaries" while she dragged a no-kid simple divorce out with her 4 different lawyers (paid for with my alimony) and 3 judges (1 with Alzheimer's). I recently just had my first divorced anniversary. Marriage is temporary, divorce is forever. I know, that's not going to sell engagement rings at Kay jewlers...
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/24 11:25 AM
1

So... where can I sign up fir this "marriage " thing? /s. Sounds like a nightmare. This should be required reading for all young men
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/24 05:34 AM
3

I just had my one year anniversary. Divorce is forever- marraige is not. The adventure was the 4.5 years of waiting over 4 of her lawyers and 3 judges. The grind is paying her for 8.5 years for a 10 year marraige and losing the whore house she committed adultery in. I will get a $58,000 raise in 4 more years. Cheers to that!
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/24 02:41 AM
1

I saved mine in case a judge made me give it back. But since he didn't, i gave it to a homeless guy outside a 7-11.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/24 09:35 PM
2

When I saw hers in a kitchen drawer next to her Nuva ring (birth control)and the bottle opener. She said she was cleaning the ring. Not sure which one tho.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/24 06:10 AM
0

There is a term for a money and energy vampire: black hole. I had one also.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/24 07:34 AM
1

Only you can get into a safety deposit box. Mine said she had money in a safe, and the safe was conveniently robbed from the house while I was away on a business trip. Of course I was accused and a suspect of my own house burglary.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/24 06:16 PM
4

Very good luck keep us posted!
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/24 03:33 PM
1

You don't. A judge does.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/24 03:38 AM
2

IL. CA is worst. Il 2nd. NY 3rd. After that I'm not sure.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/24 06:04 AM
2

I'm all for equal rights and pay. What they forgot was equal responsibility.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/24 06:03 AM
14

638k including my lawyer, 21k to her lawyer (ordered), 3.5 years to trial (cost about 25k), a house, and 4.5 years total, 3 judges, and 4 of her lawyers, 8.5 years of payments for a 10 year marraige. She committed adultery, no kids. Lawyer is 250 an hour now 350, but I've been grandfathered in to the 250 an hour since I paid her so much
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/24 12:34 AM
2

Gave it to a homeless guy to do whatever with it.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/24 12:44 AM
3

I'm all for equal rights and equal pay. What we're missing as a society is equal responsibility. If there were an equal responsibility, I wouldn't be paying "temporary support" (a ridiculous amount of money) for 8.5 years for an almost 10 year marraige. The way it is now is that it is the man's job to obtain everything for the woman. (Job, money, shelter, insurance, transportation, etc)
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/24 06:26 PM
1

Mine wanted it for health insurance, status and ego
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/24 01:07 PM
3

Maybe I got a cheap one in a high conflict divorce and a judge disbarred from alzheimer's. $3500 retainer. I'm up to 97k and not done yet after 4 and a half years. She is $350 and hour.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/24 04:33 AM
3

I don't have any children (except her) it's a lot easier for me to delete everything. The funny thing for her "memories" or a collage on her phone would be photos of her giving head to her affair partners. That's how I found out. I could only imagine the frustration of having the x in a photo you keep. But it's for the kid(s).
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/24 11:06 PM
5

My x's version of that was she wanted to have a legal separation to keep her on my health insurance(and prob car insurance and prob leave my name on the house I paid for and the judge let her live in). She could always keep the d word in her pocket (Or her throat, depending on which d word you are referring to)
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/24 02:48 PM
2

Mine offered a settlement on the 3rd day of a 5 day trail after having 3 judges and 3 different lawyers (2 sued her for non payment) after 3 and a half years. She wanted me to pay her over 20 years for a 10 year marraige over $800k. She admitted that it will get her to an early retirement. It's a gamble to see if a judge will be "fair" or to say, "Mr. ___(your name here), this is the state of _(your state here), and you are going to pay __(insert cheating gold digger stbxw name here)!!"
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/24 01:38 PM
2

Event Horizon is the theoretical boundary of a black hole ... Semantics, I know. Still funny tho.
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/24 06:58 AM
10

I actually refer to the x as a black hole ⚫️Nothing escapes, not even money. After reading "The rational Male", what you are describing is an AFC, or average 🤔 chump. I was one also..
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/24 02:02 PM
1

Agreed 100% It's not he said she said. They have the bank records right there. The fact that my simple divorce with no kids took over 3 and a half years is evidence of this. You can merge multiple billion dollar companies faster than this.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/24 05:30 AM
2

But according to judges with no accountability, spending $975 a month on alcohol and cigarettes per month (on one card, and spent more on other cards) was not alcoholism caused by her. (Or the 4 times she drank to the point of pancreatitis). Her alcoholism was caused by her being depressed because I "left"her. Or at least that's what the judge bought when she lied in the stand. I know, it's hard for the judge to look through the precious 37 status updates over 3 and a half years, the 2 other jud…
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/24 02:08 AM
1

Those words and actions are true, and have been repeated on this sub for years. It's legalized free welfare. Not to be political, but I like to add that the Tax "cut" and "jobs" act of 2017 allows her to not have a job and not pay the taxes on the 5k a month I give her for 8 years. Pretty good welfare system for her. Have to work? Nope. Have to find a job? Nope. Stealing money from SSDI? Yep. What is the benefit? Well, some will say kids. What if she cannot have kids? Is it the tax break? Splitt…
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/24 07:07 PM
8

Mine was still texting her x bf nudes 15 years after they had broken up because he "cheated on" her. I found out when she was at the hospital during covid, and I saw 4 years of videos/texts, etc, from her old phone . You know, since I was paying her phone bill (and everything else) since she spent all of her (and alot of my) money on alcohol- which led to her pancreatitis- and a week in the hospital (4 times in 5 months). Women use sex for seduction prior to marriage. Women use sex for complianc…
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/24 02:36 PM
3

That's sounds like every "amicable" divorce. I gave my ring to a homeless guy outside a 7-11. Mine spent 3x per month on alcohol than she did on the ring. I see where the priorities were. I wouldn't even want to see/pawn the ring I got for her. It ended up in a kitchen drawer when she was f**ing other guys in my living room while I was at work providing for the house she was committing adultery in. It is a symbol, after all. She would show others how beautiful it was, but the real meaning of it …
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/24 02:23 PM
6

Rarely mentioned is a man with no children, in which case the court does not care about. In the usa, the policy that should be changed is the 2017 TCJA. Which allowed her to get the tax cut, (she pays no tax on alimony) and her job is committing adultery, or sleeping around. I have to work harder to make the difference up. As the judge told me in court, "let's not talk about tax implications". Were not talking about 500 bucks a month, we're talking 5k per month, tax free for 8 years, for a 10 ye…
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/24 03:10 PM
1

I'm doing better the minute I left. It's my wallet that hurts. My wallet will get better. I'll feel better when the welfare to her stops. My part, at least. (The ssdi will continue).. waiting in the karma.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/24 12:30 AM
1

I don't think you came across as a dick. I think we are (for the most part) bitter or have the chip on the shoulder. Sex isn't worth it period. You pay for it before you get it, while you get it (conditional in a marriage), and in our case, after you don't get it. If it flies, floats, or fucks, rent it.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/24 12:27 AM
2

I agree. That's why I wrote men are loved conditionally (depending...) (2 conditional phrases)...because they are absolutely not loved unconditionally. The reason is no matter how good of a person you are and how much you provide, you don't have multiple dicks. Some women need more than one (at the same time or at different times)... Like this is still high-school. Ask me how I know. I don't have kids because she either wasn't able to, or the because of the box of Franzia she drank every 2 days …
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/24 02:17 AM
8

Same. Except she gets off her ass and lands on others d!cks when im at work prividing for her.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/24 02:14 AM
4

Gave mine to a homeless guy in a different state for giggles. It is worthless to me.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/24 11:44 AM
0

Same
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 07:48 PM
4

Can I upvote this 10x?
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 05:04 AM
2

Mine claimed she can't work but was healthy enough to have multiple affairs. She was trying to have her income calculated to $0. She claimed that she applied to 20 different places with no proof, but also says she can't work. She is getting 1.7k per month ssdi payments and the court was aware of this. (While still living in the house that I paid for) The judge imputed her to minimum wage (she had 20 years work experience and an associate degree) and still had me pay close to 5 k per month (no ki…
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/24 11:42 AM
2

Gave mine to a homeless guy to pawn in a different state, but I love the off the bridge story
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/24 11:06 PM
5

Racist irish welfare queen and part (mostly) whore
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/24 10:27 PM
1

Or 6 or 7 (teen) beers
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/24 05:59 PM
8

10 year marraige she cheated for years. 490k spousal support over 8.5 years. 120k my lawyer fees. Ordered to pay 21k her lawyer fees. Lost the house but kept 401k. She didn't cooperate with anything (Illinois) 4 of her lawyers about to be a 5th. 3 judges. 42 months for an order and 9 months since the order. Trying to hold her in contempt for not selling the house (she's still in it) Scamming ssdi for $1700 a month on top of my 5 k garnishment. She doesn't work. No children.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/24 08:17 AM
3

It's still a thing if you don't cooperate, fake diseases and disorders, with the help of a judge. It is financially cheaper to have an escorts. That would have saved me 12 years of time also.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/24 01:41 PM
2

489k here over 8.5 years for a 10 year marraige. She got the house but can't figure out how to refi it with no job. Still pending contempt of court 4.5 years later. Illinois no kids. 3 judges. 4 of her lawyers. About to be a 5th one.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/24 08:26 PM
1

Gentleman(s)/ex boyfriends/coworkers. Fixed it
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/24 03:51 AM
3

Maybe for the 1st few weeks. You'd really have to ask the other gentleman how it was. We are our own worst enemy.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 03:19 AM
3

$5k a month for 8.5 years and no kids. Ilinois. Im mr money bags according to the court
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/24 12:44 AM
2

If it was her fault, we were the ones that let it go to that point by agreeing to marry her. We were the "AFC", according to some required reading.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 03:23 PM
7

Same as above. I was always blamed for going through "her phone" that I paid for. Not to mention the health insurance that I paid for or the ambulance ride my health insurance paid for from the alcohol she drank (that I paid for) that gave her pancreatitis. I was blamed for forcing her to drink during court proceedings. She thought that when her happy hour was recorded by the AP, she deleted the videos and photos from her phone that they didn't exist any more. The cloud thinks otherwise. Im the …
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 01:09 PM
1

Mine was spending $750 a month on boxed wine and gin. No kids so no one cares.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/24 12:27 PM
5

When you give it away to a homeless person - because it is worth more to them than it is to you.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/24 12:11 PM
2

The exception to the rule
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 06:40 PM
7

Because weather it's a house or a kid, they use this crutch to make sure you are in the hook for payments or a lump sum
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 03:27 PM
2

The environment is quieter since you don't have to walk on eggshells all the time.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 12:26 AM
6

I hope your cheating was worth missing out on a multimillion dollar retirement.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 01:53 PM
11

Women use sex for seduction before marriage. Women use sex for compliance after marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/24 02:37 PM
3

When I was judged without evidence by a judge with alzheimers to pay the x 5.2k a month for an indefinite period of time. I was not at court, i was working to pay said home wrecker. I then had a safety critical job to perform dealing with hundreds of peoples lives right after.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/24 12:41 AM
1

Which is nice since I contributed to it. She contributed to nothing in the household except being a succubus of electricity, finding random dudes on Instagram to send pictures of her Vag. She contributed nothing to society as she is a stay at home wrecker. Thank goodness she did not have children. She has no job, no kid's, no friends, no hobbies except FB and Instagram, and collects SSDI while being too sick to work but healthy enough to f other people during marriage and after divorce. Also she…
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/24 02:52 PM
1

10 years and she gets to get more ss at retirement age. Extra money for them.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 10:08 PM
1

10 yes till ibwalked out . Technically 13.5 years married. No kids. The proceedings took 3.5 years with 3 different judges and 4 of her lawyers. I had to do 8 discoveries. I lost the house but kept my 401k. Bank accounts were split. I will end up paying her 489k over 8.5 years.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/24 05:36 AM
1

Or there may be something in the middle. My 2nd judge (Who had alzheimer's on the bench) awarded her 10k in fees and 11k more for prospective fees. He assumed her total lawyer fee would be 21k which I was judged to pay. 3 and a half years and 4 of her lawyers later and a total of 3 judges, I ended up paying g my lawyer over 100k. She didn't work and I was at about 150k per year.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/24 11:13 PM
3

Illinois right behind ca and ny...
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 08:58 PM
6

250 an hour. My lawyer moved to a new firm 350 an hour but I still pay the old rate since I'm a good customer . I was judged to pay 21k her lawyer fees. 3.5 years, she had 4 lawyers, one trial that lasted 5 days, I'm at 117k plus the 21k. Not finished yet because she didn't list or sell the house that I paid for but lost in the final order.she still hasn't closed a joint bank account and gotten my name off her car 7 months after the final order. I'm thinking I can finish this for around 130k (15…
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 07:52 PM
2

This sub should be mandatory for all boys/men in high school or college. Get off of TikTok for a minute and learn something that may actually save your sanity.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/24 08:50 PM
13

Whoever invented marriage was creepy as hell. Like I love you so much I'm going to get the government involved so you can't leave. - Jim Carey
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/24 11:54 PM
14

Taken from another poster; Women use sex for seduction prior to marriage, then use sex for compliance during marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/24 11:50 PM
3

Mine hid everything, took videos on her phone of her doing the neighborhood/drug dealer dick tour, took 490k from me and scams ssdi for 1.7 k a month. Too sick to work but not sick enough to land on others dicks. Lied and said she was raped. She was doing guys 12 years younger than me that made much less money. But they had bigger ducks. Bigger dicks is freedumb!! And the judge let her have all assets from the sale of the brothel which still didn't happen after 4 years
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/24 05:47 AM
8

"....pursue her personal freedom," using the money she took from me". Those words stick. I'm sure a lot of us have this in common.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 05:30 AM
1

Please post updates or at least when you are "finished".
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 06:09 PM
1

IL. 5k a month for 8 and a half years for a 9 year 10 month "marriage". She scams SSDI for $1700/mo and doesn't work. Prob got her student loans paid for also. I even got to pay for part of her lawyer fees (21k). No Kids. She IS the child. She had $50k in her checking account right before the trial that took 3 and a half years to get with 4 of her different lawyers. She prob has $150k in there now. I never had close to 50k in my account even after a 21k loan from my 401k was deposited in there t…
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 01:26 PM
3

And gave mine to a homeless guy to pawn off. When the judges final order takes 3 and a half years, and half of the issues (selling the whore house) are not solved yet, there is no point in looking at that disgusting object that doesn't mean anything to either party.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 02:03 AM
4

It wasted my money. I didn't learn anything. I tried to tell the narc x that she had childhood issues that haven't been resolved. The therapist brought that to light. I racked up credit card debt to pay for a waste of time. I told her that if she emotionally cheats again or cheats, I'm filing for divorce. Apparently, she didn't learn anything either. But she told me that if I didn't do therapy, I'd be taking the easy way out.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 01:19 AM
2

It took my x almost 4 years since the final order took over 3 and a half years, to close a joint account. It had $17 in it. Because you don't have to follow orders. Because you don't have to cooperate.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 02:56 PM
2

And I dont have to smell her stanky beaver.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 04:22 AM
29

I can walk barefoot now since the landscape is not all eggshells.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 04:02 AM
7

I gave the ring she gave me to a homeless guy in a different state. I told him to pawn it. I don't know what she did with mine. I dont care. When you lose 600k to spousal support with no kids, 130k lawyer fees, and your house, you have to pick your battles.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 02:57 PM
5

You forgot illinois
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/24 08:14 PM
2

Lost 100% value of the brothel (marital residence). Rhos is the worst time time to buy anything in the last 157 years
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/24 03:02 AM
1

Illinois. 2nd worst state behind CA
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 10:00 AM
5

My 3rd judge awarded her the whole thing. 4 years after I left she still can't refi or buy it. I guess it's hard to get a loan when you are a stay at home wrecker.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 03:45 AM
4

9yr 10 month "marraige" and ended up with 8 and a half years of payments. After she was in the hospital for drinking to the point of pancreatitis for the 2nd time, I found her old phone and then realized she had been physically cheating for half the "marriage". 8.5 years for "4years" of "Marriage "..
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 03:42 AM
10

21k to her lawyer, 490k spousal support, and 120k to my lawyer and still counting since she doesn't comply with anything. 3.5 year process until judgement. No kids. Her job is a stay at home wrecker. Yes I lost the house also.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 09:26 PM
13

The thought of a wasted 4 years of divorce litigation, paying her 600k, paying her lawyer (judges order), and loosing a house again. Plus all the other reasons.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 02:26 AM
11

Judges with no accountability are stronger than pre-nups.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 02:22 AM
3

I thought my $3500 retainer was going to last. Maybe I'd pay a bit more. After I was judged to pay the OPPOSING lawyer $21,000 and pay my lawyer over $110,000, I was proven wrong. (The final order came last year, but she isn't complying with it, so more liar fees)
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 02:37 PM
1

Illinois, because I’m a “high earner”
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 05:45 AM
6

I bought a set of expensive ear buds to listen to podcasts. I was also fortunate enough to be able to replace anything that she has touched or seen.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 02:24 PM
12

Mine was complaining to thr car insurance agent that she couldn't pay the new premiums now that I wasn't on her car insurance. I was paying her $5200 a month. (Remember, it's all tax free for them after 2017)
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/24 01:20 PM
1

I could have, but when you go to an appellate court (more money and time for lawyers), and let's say they thought the ruling was unfair, it goes back to the same judge to change. After all the time and money I wasted, as well as using my lawyers advice, I chose not to and try to move on.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/24 03:49 AM
3

The choir is too small.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 03:31 PM
9

Unfortunately, not enough men read this thread daily as they should.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 12:55 PM
2

Married just short if 10 years. Filed in 2020. 10 months of status quo about $2800 to $3000 a month. "Temp judgement" $5200 a month. I pay car insurance, medical insurance, and phone bill. "Temp judgement" lasts 2.5 years. Final judgement $4800/mo for 5 more years. I was awarded 0% in the house I paid the mortgage for. She probably put about $1000 total for the mortgage for 5 years. In total, 8.5 years of payments, including me being ordered to pay one of her lawyers $20k. I've paid my lawyer ov…
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 12:42 PM
1

Nope. I wish I could put a pin in the top of the sub. ( Not directed at you superconfused). Judges can do as they please. Guidelines are just that.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/24 07:42 AM
1

Illinois.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/24 02:12 PM
3

5k a month from mid 2020 to the end of 2028. 10 yr marriage and no kids.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/24 04:04 AM
3

My - it took over 3 and a half years, 4 of her lawyers, 3 judges and were still not done yet because she isn't following the final order x wife.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/24 02:26 AM
1

I do, but you have to prove it, and I live 1000 miles away now. They also have to "hold out" to the public that they are together and share financial accounts, co habitat, etc. She is the type of person who wouldn't re marry until the day after the payments are over. She has already found multiple someone else's, but it doesn't really matter. Monkey branching at its best.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/24 03:06 AM
1

It all depends on the judge. They can overrule what is "typical" for the state. I lost my house and 500k in spousal support over 8.5 years for an alcoholic, childless, jobless, social security scamming, adultery committing narcissist, but I kept my entire (all marital assets) 401k. My one win, she can keep the brothel (the marital residence) that she made no payments toward. She will have a rude awakening in her late 40s with 10+ years of no job history and bills due when the spousal "support" p…
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/24 12:56 PM
13

Thank the 2017 tcja. Before that person receiving the money would pay taxes on it. Mine was getting 63k per year for 3 years before the judgement, and now is getting 59k+ for 5 more years. 10 year marraige. 8.5 years of payments. No kids. Shes also getting ssdi for 1700 a month. Doesnt work but is healthy enough to have sex with randoms...
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/24 04:14 AM
7

My premium would have to have been over 100k a year to cover my costs.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/24 06:47 PM
7

After she cheated, denied it, she asked for separation. That's a way for them to stay on your insurance indefinitely. She can still tell people we are married Since that's what she wanted, I said no. 5k a month for 8.5 years. 510k. 10 year marraige. 110k (including fees i had to pay her lawyer) in legal fees. I keep 401k she gets the house she cheated on me in after 3 and a half years of dragging it on (keeping health insurance and car insurance, etc) in court, 4 different lawyers, 3 judges.... …
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/24 04:16 PM
1

Over 3 and a half years to get a final order. She had 4 lawyers. 3 judges. Still not really done yet since I finish paying her in 5 years after I already paid 3 and a half. We had 5 things to split. No kids.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/24 04:36 AM
2

It can also be based on your future income in my case. Since I did 8 discoveries over 3 years, I had 2 contracts for my job each with a longevity payscale. Yeah she was greedy. And the male judge granted it. (Not the one that was disbarred for alzheimer's)
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/24 04:15 AM
1

The judge puts stipulations in his order that I cannot get anything for her and it's final. The only way to get something else is appellate court. Not worth the time and effort after the crap they put me through.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/24 08:55 PM
1

Income was high 200s paying roughly 5k for 8.5 years. She claimed to not be able to work even though she could have sex with other guys. Timed perfectly, when I started making 6 figures she decided she couldn't work any more. Yes stay at homewrecker. Her job was to find different dudes on FB and IG to invite over when I'm at work. Usually you don't pay for over 80% of the length of the marraige, but, Illinois.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/24 08:53 PM
0

I've looked for this but I didn't know that states receive $ for enforcing CS (not ss)
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/24 08:12 PM
1

How can I find how/how much a state receives from fed for CS? What about spousal support?
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/24 06:39 PM
1

I'm a bit higher than you on the monthly. 5200 a month no kids, 8.5 years for an almost 10 year marraige.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/24 06:32 PM
1

Ive never heard of it. Mine dragged her feet to the point where her lawyer had to drive to her house to get her to sign something. (I ended up being ordered to pay her lawyer 21k) Then she got another lawyer after she signed an agreement and then somehow backed out if it. I was paying over 5k a month for over 3 and a half years. She ended up having 4 different lawyers. One of them sued her for non payment (it was all money from me anyway) and won. Had I not paid her lawyer... well that wouldnt h…
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/24 04:20 PM
3

AP is affair partner. I had a special term for my stbx BH for black hole.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/24 02:42 AM
12

Please post an update as to how long this ends up taking
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/24 04:01 AM
1

Prenups can be destroyed by a judge. Payments should be half the length of the marriage- but that can so be changed by a judge.. Get your lawyer asap.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 07:08 PM
3

No words for how disgusting that is
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 01:35 AM
8

Sounds like she is trying to get you locked in for 18 years. Possibly with twins. (Or more)
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/24 02:08 AM
8

Or a road bike. Never rode one. Quit smoking. Rode 7 whole miles and felt like I couldn't walk. Now I'm riding 50 to 60 mile rides with groups. No impact. Just another way you can feel better also it's alone/thinking/reflecting time. Great cardio/stamina/ heart health booster.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/24 05:59 AM
1

I'm not sure what was on that forum but let's see if we can make this thread somewhat of a replacement. The number of members on this thread have been growing recently.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 02:27 AM
1

The point is in making you think you are on a level playing field. Women want equality, except for when it comes to supporting themselves/accountability/earning a living/maintaining a certain quality of life; you know the adult stuff... Then they don't want that same equality. The system has it set up that they can just take it from you. Legal transfer of wealth and legal welfare for women who ruin households.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 01:35 AM
1

I must have misunderstood. I have only been in this sub. Another of subs dropped if there were no moderators.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 12:50 AM
1

As I've seen from talking to others ( I didn't have a prenup myself)(young poor/not educated in the area area), prenups can be tossed out by judges since they don't have accountability. Edit; and you are correct. She probably spent about 5k on her lawyer fees (which she paid using my spousal support since she decided not to work when I started making money) trying to get half of a mobile investment account that would have netted her 2.5k. Yes she would trip over a dollar for every penny even if …
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 12:46 AM
1

Most people who divorced once would consider another marriage. If I tell them I've lost 860k, a house, and have no kids - then people can understand why I wouldn't try it again. On another thread someone posted they lost well into 7 figures. - mo money - mo problems. Some guy I work with said his first divorce cost $800. Granted that was in the 80s but even adjusted for inflation- thats what my x gets in less than 2 weeks. And I have to pay her for over 8 years. It's all relative to your income …
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 08:15 PM
1

I didn't know it did. I've been on it regularly usually once per day at least. I've been referring responses to your posts. Dday_throwaway3 is dropping knowledge.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 08:10 PM
3

Miss your posts dday
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 06:23 PM
6

The truth does not matter. No kids, and you can have court lasting over 3 years? There is no law for how many liars (lawyers) she can have. I had 3 judge's one of who had alzheimer's. Men are guilty until proven innocent. You look at status quo not the entirety of the marital time. The fact that you get paid to be a home wrecker. The pity me card works for lawyers and judges. Yeah go take the house while you are at it. You paid about $500 toward the down payment. Temporary support lasts 8.5 year…
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 02:43 AM
4

826k including lost house lawyer fees, me paying part of her lawyer fees, and spousal support. Not done paying lawyer fees yet. 10 years of me paying for everything. So when asked the question was the affair worth it for her? It sure was. Just posted this same thing 11 days ago. Edit - no kids and she has 16 years of work experience and an associates degree, but now somehow can't work any job. She is healthy enough to have sex with multiple other guys tho. My average income for the 1st 5 years o…
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/24 04:24 PM
1

It's amazing how much we can attain without the black holes / ball and chains / HerbEverstanks attached to us.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 11:25 PM
6

Same here. Checked "the cloud" and fb messenger. Confronted her and she lied and said I was making it up. Then said she was raped. Then said he made her do coke. 3 and a half year divorce proceedings and she was still texting him and her x bf from 2007. Check the phones men, because they are acting like girls from middle school.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 11:15 PM
3

Assuming she is a covert narc, yes, there is nothing to lose - ever. With the system set up as it is there are only money and assets to gain.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 11:57 PM
2

All same here except 200k "temporary support" during 3.5 yr divorce, And 5k for an additional 5 years. Paying 8.5 years for a 9.8 yr "marraige ". Just lost the entire house tho.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 11:55 PM
7

I also did this. My limit shot up from 5k to 40k in no time. Transfered all that debt to another card with no interest for 2 years and racked it up again. Then I had to pay her lawyer 21k. That also went on a credit card.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 09:04 PM
11

826k including lost house lawyer fees spousal support. Not done paying lawyer fees yet. 10 years of me paying for everything. So when asked the question was the affair worth it for her? It sure was.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 09:03 PM
5

She was "in it for the long run". She knew that in the industry that I'm in, it takes 5 to 10 years and then you rise well into 6 figure wages. I am also guilty for being codependent, trusting and forgiving. Either way - take that brothel (marital residence ) She was "awarded" 100 of. My retirement will be well into the multi million dollar range. She can live off her ssdi that she is scamming, ss, and branches of monkeys We are our own worst enemy. Willing to do almost anything to "get some".
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/24 02:52 PM
15

Deny having sex with another married guy during our marriage. I have a video of them doing it. Claiming she was raped while having sex with said guy. I have a video of her on top. Claiming that he "made her do coke" before having sex with said guy. Even while her hand is in the cookie jar and caught "red-handed,", she still lies like a small child. To a narc, it's worth it. She gets paid about 500k over 8 years of spousal support for cheating. Well at first, she tried to get me back with her by …
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/24 09:44 AM
1

I would have confused that folder with my lawyer folder. Say lawyer - but slowly and sound it out. I also have all of my evidence.. using it for my own good when the time is right.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 10:48 AM
3

Money spent before its earned. Glad I'm done w that sh!t
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 10:35 AM
2

Wife's also want to not separate, to keep the ego of your money/job/house while fucking other dudes. As the saying goes - they want cock and eat it too. Side note- I wish mine was arrested for ss fraud.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 10:00 AM
3

Or you can be the handyman and charge for showing up, and bill by the job/hour.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 04:00 AM
3

This entire thread has been gold for me
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/24 04:46 AM
3

They should still be in icloud/ google photos. That's how I found all the videos the ex took of herself cheating
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 08:03 PM
2

Or multiple new ones with monkey branching
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 08:00 PM
7

Mine said I didn't work enough while she was a stay at home wrecker, playing on fb, ig, cheating etc. At the time, I never called in sick for over 7 years. Enjoy the money you are scamming from ssdi and your 500k spousal "support" on top of that.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 07:56 PM
5

Insert your name and state, it's all the same
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 07:53 PM
3

And then claimed she was raped
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 07:51 PM
1

I asked my lawyer if I could become a named associate after paying over 100k in liar fees. I asked her this after I inquired as to which case she or her firm has ever had that was the most expensive, lasted the longest, with or without kids. At least I’m #1 at something. After 3 and a half years, 3 different judges (one whom had Alzheimer’s for 18 months while “working” our case), 4 of her lawyers, and 2 different signed settlement agreements (signed 24 months apart), I have the least complicate…
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 05:44 AM
3

Read the last sentence after you’ve watched “Suits” on Netflix
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/24 04:58 AM
1

My brothel is worth about 300k. She can have it. That's where the adultery happened. I never want to look at it again.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/24 09:59 PM
3

I am also waiting for this day. 127 spousal support payments left (2x per month) after paying for 3 and a half years. No kids.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/24 11:16 AM
2

All of these things happened to me. Instead of hurricane Karen it was the black hole that sucked in everything. Not even money can escape. She changed lawyers 3 times. I had 4 pre trial conferences. I'm at over 110k lawyer fees and even had to partially pay one of her lawyers 21k. The judges switched twice. 3 of them total. It went on for over 3 and a half years with 8 "discoveries." Each time, I made more money. She was even sued by one of her lawyers for not paying, and she won. Since I was la…
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/24 08:46 PM
8

Which one? The one that left after 10 months and went to traffic court without letting anyone know? Or the 2nd one that was on the bench for 18 months with Alzheimer's and was booted from the bar but had no other consequences for the destruction and delay he has caused. ( he was the one who made the "temporary support" order. Or the 3rd judge that made the final judgement and was "fair" after he never read the results of the 1st and 2nd pre trial conferences. He ordered a 3rd and a 4th. He also …
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/24 11:20 PM
4

I don't say ask. I said filed. Mine said I left her, I filed. She lied about getting raped. She is telling people she is "only" getting $4000 /month (plus her scamming SS for $1700/mo) . Yadda yadda ...
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/24 09:29 PM
10

9 years 10 months. Statutory guidelines have me paying 3 yrs 11 months. I walked out and paid status quo for 10 months. I paid "temporary" support for 26 more months before the actual divorce judgement. The judge ordered 5 more years. (Since my income went up a pretty big amount during the 3 and a half years this was in the court system). I pay for about 8 and a half years. The divorce took over a third of the time we were married. All she wanted was all of my money for life and all of my proper…
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/24 09:24 PM
5

All you have to do is go to church. Once before Easter and once for Christmas eve mass. You ask for the sins you are about to commit. Then she asks me if I know what penance is.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/24 09:19 PM
11

If you lose 500k to spousal support, have to pay her lawyer 20k, have 3 judges over 3 and a half years, deal with 4 of her lawyers, and lose your house, all without kids, you will realize it the first time.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/24 05:44 PM
1

One man's trash is another one's treasure
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/24 07:23 PM
1

It was the symbol which represented my trash.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/24 07:16 PM
7

Am I the odd ball for giving it to a homeless guy?
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/24 05:31 AM
1

This is the only contract you sign without knowing the terms. As mentioned before, even if you do have a prenup, it is up to a judge to either interpret it. - or just decide to do whatever he/she wants to do. Unfortunately, there is no way to make someone treat you with respect or not cheat on you.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/24 05:24 AM
4

Or you meet her during the 3 years of proceedings with 4 different lawyers and 3 different judges.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 04:11 AM
4

Divorce in Indiana instead of Illinois. Have a will/beneficiaries named in an irrevocable blind trust. Or just don't get married.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/24 05:57 PM
1

I will always remember those words - about "the ending". Luckily I wasn't accused, and just referred to her as the black hole.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/24 05:44 PM
1

Holy %@$ , and it is all subjective
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/24 11:41 AM
7

One of my lawyer bills was $19k for 2 weeks (4 days of trial). I had to pay her lawyer $21k. I have to pay her $490k. I have no kids. I guess it’s all subjective, but I would have loved to just lose 25k
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/24 03:55 AM
15

That look on her face after we had finished marriage /couples/single counseling since she was sending photos to her x. I had said if you do this again we are getting a divorce. That look on her face when I told her I was leaving since she had an affair That look on her face when she says she was raped by said person That look on her face when she said he forced her to do coke That look on her face when I told her I had videos and photos that she took of having the affair (over 4 years of affair)…
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 05:05 PM
2

Multiply your post by 100x and that's what I did wrong. Everything I said and thought was also wrong. I was complacent with "happy wife happy life " mentality ". F that noise.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 01:47 PM
1

Until she finds another "chump" or someone who believes her love bombing/fakeness/lots of sex and signs up for that contract thingy where you don't know the terms.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 09:55 PM
3

I wasn't even allowed in the kitchen except to clean and wash dishes. At least I can make 8 minute rice in under an hour and a half. She would start dinner at 530 or 6 and then take shots drink wine take a shower - adding a bit of water and watching the rice...more shots wine and cigarettes, then she would be pissed if the rice was burnt. It would literally ruin the whole day. I'd like to eat dinner a bit more than 30 minutes before bed. I watched every lifetime movie that there was. My life was…
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 03:54 AM
9

Or as in my case , my paycheck is garnished with no children. Yes you need the state, but everything depends on the judge, or the 3 judges in my case.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 09:06 PM
4

That's why I call her the black hole. Nothing escapes, not even money
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 12:39 PM
8

Well they want to tax the individuals (98% men) giving the support to women, but at the same time they gave corporations tax cuts. Corporations have been making billions in record profits, yet 83% of the tcja went to the wealthiest 1%. Congress can sunset this in 2025, however it's my understanding that the alimony thing is permanent. The black hole (the recipient of alimony garnished from me) has been receiving over 63k per year, and will do so for the next 5 years. I have to earn around 90k to…
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 11:07 PM
3

I'm at 800 after I toss her 5 grand
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 09:35 AM
5

Be careful when they are OCD clean. Like "you just ruined the lines in the carpet!" Sorry I walked in the living room. "You just tracked in all the grass!" Sorry I was outside mowing the lawn, weed walking, and leaf blowing and I dragged in TWO blades of grass. "You left dirty dishes in the sink!". Yes I did. A bowl and a spoon.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 06:58 PM
3

The same way I was accused of having something to do with a home robbery when I was over 1000 miles away.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 06:54 PM
6

And if you don't believe that, ask her to take YOU out to dinner and pay for it.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 06:54 PM
4

Not only that but if you delete the photo and video you took of getting "raped" while you were in top of the other guy, riding him, then you delete it - it never happened. Google photos and the icloud say otherwise. If you don't get caught doing something, you didnt do anything wrong. Says every narc.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 06:48 PM
4

Mine lied and said she was raped. She still texts him (I had to pay her phone bill during 3 yr divorce w no kids) over 3 years later. She's still sending and receiving nudes from her x bf from 2007. Follow the digital footprint.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 05:10 PM
1

Do you know my ex's mom? You just explained both of them!!
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 04:59 PM
2

Your personal items ("dick") can be gotten somewhere else. It's your wallet which is what they are after.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/24 12:39 PM
2

Please pm me that link
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 07:19 PM
5

I'd say the first 2 sentences negate themselves.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/24 02:29 PM
1

I mentioned that In court and the judge told me to "not talk about tax implications".
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 07:37 PM
5

Please read my comment history if you want to know about divorce in IL. Especially in/near the Chicago area.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 03:10 PM
2

Together 12 years, married almost 10, the process took over 3 and a half years. I'm guessing I made less than you. Divorce in IL. Statutory guidelines was 47 months. I'm in a no state tax state but I also get hit hard with taxes. I'm paying her for 7 years and 11 months. She agreed to nothing. House is gone now even though she contributed about $500 to it. 489k to "spousal support" to support her alcoholism and cheating. Gold digger. Home wrecker. Thanks for sharing though.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 03:06 PM
5

How Long was the marriage? Not that it matters now, but my lawyer had me claim single/married during the 3+ years if wasting time in court so that I didn't get the surprise if owing thousands at tax time. Single "higher" income earners are truly screwed by the tax system while the 1% and .1% pay a much lower tax. IMO, judges don't like when you make more money than they do.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 01:16 PM
4

Sure it's a mens sub, but I'd say at least we can admit a fault most of the time. My stbx still says she was raped. I have videos that show otherwise. Her story is that I left her and gave her nothing. ( nothing beside a house, and 500k spousal support)
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 04:58 AM
2

I paid more than that every day with no kids
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/24 07:33 PM
4

Same exact story here Thank you for sharing
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/24 07:26 PM
10

From my experience, if you had an amicable divorce/ no kids etc and it cost you 800 bucks, people go for round 2. When it costs you hundreds of thousands and you lose your house/kids/retirement - you'd have to be delusional
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/24 12:08 AM
2

The tax free part was due to the "tax cut" of 2017. There is a (small) chance that congress will let this sunset in 2025.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 12:24 PM
6

I paid 200k as "temporary support" while this thing dragged on over 3 and a half years. Turns out that was "fair" to the court. Now I only over another 290k to pay, again for no kids. The price of freedom, priceless. Edit: sometimes in my mind, it's not just what I pay her for ruining a "marriage", it's how much she gets paid for cheating. It would be very beneficial for men in their late teens/early 20s/ and 30s to spend a day reading all of these posts before signing a contract without knowing…
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/24 05:39 PM
4

I'm paying $5200 in IL for no kids.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/24 05:34 PM
3

I donated my ring to a homeless guy.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 12:09 PM
4

I also did the same thing. I leased so she couldn't take any value from the car. I thought the proceedings would be over after 3 years, they weren't. I ended up returning it for a new lease. I didn't want a car that she sat in twice. (Note ; this was no vette:)
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 11:02 AM
2

660k . 21k her lawyer fees. Over 100k, my lawyer fees. 200k "3 years temp support" 28k "status quo". 290k spousal support. Loss of house pending. More lawyer fees pending. No children. Piece if mind the moment I left, priceless.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/24 06:14 PM
2

Mine convinced me to have dinner and tell me "what happened". Dinner was "normal" and then she told me she was diagnosed with MS and she wasn't going to live much longer. She needed someone to take care of her. Pity me. Turns out that was all a lie just like everything else was. She perjured herself on the stand but still used the pity card to get more money from me. I saw through the bs. She then convinced me to go on a 2 day "vacation" to really tell me what happened. I thought, this is your l…
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 08:04 AM
3

Almost the same thing I'd write. So +1 for this comment. Being "in love" with someone you thought she was.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 05:07 AM
1

Read some of my back stories/ previous posts. All in all I'm up to 661k lost not including the house I lost as well as paying for her well being for 20 years - married for 10. Don't get divorced in IL, CA, or NY. Thank mother nature I don't have children.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/24 09:22 PM
4

Please keep us posted with (at least ) a final update!!
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/24 09:06 PM
3

Saw mine on her google photos riding another dude. 4k video. Didn't even need to get on any dating apps. Thank goodness I was born before the time of dating apps.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/24 09:04 PM
2

See my above comment. Mine was 10k gold with diamonds. Also no value. You threw it away like they gave up the marriage and the bedroom.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/24 01:49 PM
5

I had a court order to have the x sell the house as I was paying all the mortgage, utilities, and her bills while I was in my own apartment. She was sleeping in the bed that she cheated in. She told her lawyer that I was the hold up to selling the house. The next day we had the order drawn up. The day that she got it she was "not emotionally and physically ready" to sell the house. Talk about changing your narc story on a dime. The order was lost in the wind in 2020. My final ruling noted that t…
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/24 06:36 PM
4

Gave mine to a homeless guy in a random city. I made his day.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/24 06:30 PM
10

I left the brothel. I couldn't stand being around it or her. Fresh start. The rest of anything she bought, touched, or has even seen has been sold or thrown out. It feels much better to me that way. She can marinate in the residence that she ruined her marriage in.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 12:10 AM
5

I am aware of this now. For me, if I don't have proof, its just a "6th sense" thing. Once the black hole was caught, I used this logic to figure out 2 others that she had an affair with. She talked about these people and mentioned the same thing over and over for months, mentioning their names for months, adding hints of truth while gaslighting the entire time. Unfortunately for her google photos (icloud for Apple users) doesn't lie. She had been found guilty of sending photos (emotional cheatin…
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 07:30 PM
7

I was coming home from my business trip to the black hole (I dont call a cheater a stay at home wife. I cant call her a stay at home mom since there are no kids. I cant call her a stay at home homemaker if you are a home wrecker..)and found it on the couch. She later claimed it was milk. She doesn't drink milk or coffee creamer. She is ocd and won't even eat on the couch. She did talk about him all the time. He only spent time with her while I was at work (AP was married and lived across the str…
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 05:46 PM
3

Melatonin and exercise. Make sure you drink plenty of water as that affects everything else.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 07:09 AM
2

You may have an empty kitchen, but the opportunity to fill your wallet and have experiences.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 01:55 AM
3

I've thought about it
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/24 11:06 PM
7

Wow, I thought California had some bad rules.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/24 07:26 PM
6

I demanded a trial and got one after 3 years. I had 4 pre trial conferences with 3 different judges and 4 of her lawyers. I paid "status quo" for 10 months before a judgement that made me pay over 5k a month. I was "awarded" 5 more years of payments after paying for her for the last 3 and a half years. She was awarded the brothel where she cheats.( the marital residence) almost a 10 year marraige with 8.5 years of payments over 500k. There are no children. If the case is contested like mine, wil…
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/24 07:13 PM
11

"Women use sex for seduction prior to marriage, then use sex for compliance during marriage". Quote from u/dday_throwaway3. You have 3 "gateways". Marraige, buying a house/condo, and kids. With each one of these, you will , *usually see less sex
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/24 01:40 PM
1

My 60 days turned out to be 77 after the judges 3 continuances. They can do whatever they want since they don't have accountability
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 04:40 PM
6

"The black hole". Nothing escapes, not even money. A picture of, well, all black.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 01:59 PM
2

It took me 2.27 years to pay as much "temporary " maintenance as you will pay in 15 years. I have no children. It sucks, but think of the inflation. 800 bucks will be worth 4 or 500 bucks in 15 years
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/23 02:06 AM
1

Not usa correct?
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/23 04:21 AM
2

I dealt with this by deciding to throw away anything that she has seen, touched, or bought. It takes a long time, but for me, it is worth it. I donated my wedding ring to a random homeless guy in a different state while I was at work. Selling it for cash assumes that it, or the money that comes from it has any value to me.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 07:28 PM
2

I also find this sub helpful. Read other stories to know that each one is different. Some of us make more money/have more assets than others. Most have children/ custody issues Some divorces are over quickly and other take better parts of a decade. All of us (or 99%) have been torn by the civil court system. Personally, telling your own story here, chiming in, or just reading helps me. Follow the advice from others (gym, exercise, diet, reading, work on being your better self for you and kids if…
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 07:25 PM
2

I so wish I could have done 8 hours in a day. Cases with children come first so some days we would get 2 or one and a half hours. I'm glad it's over for you.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 07:07 PM
2

State: IL Kids: none Annual income differential: 220k/yr Relevant info: it took me 15 years to make my income. When the marriage started, my income was 15-20k per year and about 40 to 50k for most of the marriage. She decided not to work when I got a large pay raise, so her income is $0 She gets 1.7k per month SS disability. Listed on the county website as child support even though there are no children. She committed adultery in a no-fault state and then said she was raped.(no police report or …
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 07:03 PM
5

Mine was 38 months, 5 days in court. (Each day is only 3 hours, so it's a waste of time, imo.) Each day should be 6 hours. Im on month 42 and dont have a ruling yet. The (3rd) judge promised that it would be finished before the end of the year after his 3rd continuance. This court doesnt follow its own rules and it even defied a court order that it made. It also didnt abide by the state supreme court rules. The thing is, there is no accountability for judges or courts.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 06:48 PM
1

Add IL to that list
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/23 05:23 AM
2

Same here but I have decided not to care. My lawyer said she is responsible for paying a $1300 mortgage while making 5k from me and 1700 a month from ss disability. If she doesn't make payments she can get booted from the house. I've moved on. I wish she wouldn't make payments and foreclose the brothel. I know your milage may vary.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/23 11:30 PM
2

I had a judges order for the black hole to list the house in 30 days and sell it 45 after that. That was October of 2020. Still waiting. I guess I'm going to have to go to appellate court.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/23 04:17 PM
2

And mine trued to say I dissappated over 40k because I started from scratch. Yeah - take that empty threat to court. I can live with a cheating bipolar narc. So I moved out. You cant blame someone for getting an apartment and paying utilities/car payment etc.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/23 02:23 AM
2

This sounds like 3 different narcissistic personalities; grandiose, malignant, and vulnerable. We may have been married to the same person.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/23 02:18 AM
3

Have your lawyer ask you when you are on the stand (if you get that far) why you left/ are divorcing. The answer is adultery. I also used that in a no fault state and Ive had to do 6 financial discoveries for 4 lawyers, 3 judges, and 3 pre trial conferences - as well as 36 "status updates". I dont iwn a business and have no children. Tell the truth, and stick with facts, nothing else.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/23 02:16 AM
2

If you don't have kids / and or can work from different states - move to a state other than IL and CA. I know this doesn't apply to most.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/23 11:39 AM
1

I'm in the aluminum shipping industry. I dont have a prenup I wasn't that smart at 29 making 15k a year. I need to earn $300/day to pay her (after taxes thanks to the Trump tax cut) support. Add $1700 she gets from scamming ss disability and me having to pay her medical, car Insurance , phone bill, and ill lose 50% of the House, haven't gotten a final judgement, and half of my 401k, it will probably be over a million dollars lost. Edit... Court's don't care that the 1st 5 years of marriage, my a…
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 11:39 PM
1

I've been paying 50% of that every day for the last 2 and a half years in spousal support and no final judgement. I'd say you are the exception
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 01:11 PM
4

Marraige is a bit more like the only contract you sign without knowing the terms.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 01:06 PM
11

For the OP - I was married just shy of 10 years. I was making less than 50k for 8 of those years. Once I started making decent money, she decided not to work anymore and blamed it on diseases/disorders/pain. Concurrently, she decided to sleep with other people when I was away (out of town) for work. (Too disabled to work any job, but not disabled enough to fu*k other people) I have paid (judges "temporary "order) her lawyer over 20k, and I have over 5.2k garnished every month from my pay for the…
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 01:04 PM
3

I know I was just using this example as to how people can try to hide assets / transactions/ loans/ money etc, but you are on the hook for all of it. They get assets for being around you. They can max out a credit card but you are still liable for 50/50 until/ unless a judge orders otherwise. Buyer beware.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 02:45 AM
1

Something tells me if I moved there before filing, I wouldn't be paying the 5+k "temp" support with no kids, have 3 judges and her 4 lawyers for 42 months on this simple case with 3 Continuances...and no final judgement yet. Could woulda shoulda...
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/23 03:03 PM
4

An example of this is when that person takes out a 401k (out of her own 401k), doesn't even tell me about it, then I have to pay the tax on it come the next tax season. I never saw a dollar of it, didn't know that she did it, didn't see anything she bought with it, and yet it is a "marital" debt. She didn't think to tell me about it until I found out about it. Then somehow it was my fault.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/23 01:43 PM
4

I wish I had moved to IN from IL before filing. Assuming she didn't file first. That prob would have saved me from paying over 5k for the last 2 and a half years, 10 months of "status quo" until a judgement against me, and after 42 months, my case hasn't been resolved. There are no children. Either way, the system is broken AF.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/23 01:40 PM
2

I believe something is off in my case. I'm not sure if the state I filed has mandatory mediation. I suggested it many times to my lawyer. The judge (2nd one) supposedly had alzheimer's while working the bench for 18 months. I will probably be going to appellate court. I was unable to even speak with a judge since I'm 1000 miles away until the actual hearing. That was 38 months into the case.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/23 03:22 AM
3

Judges don't always go by precedent. My (3rd ) judge even said a simple case like mine with no kids said cases shouldn't last longer than 18 months. I'm on month 42. She's on her 4th lawyer. My point is your case may or may not be "normal". My case is not normal
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/23 11:19 PM
0

When you and your lawyer are not allowed to present your case or speak to a judge for 3 years, you dont even get a chance to mediate. The cards are stacked against you
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/23 11:16 PM
2

Although sometimes *my case, you can offer a reviewable salary (over 5k spousal support with no kids) to her for 10 years for a 10 year marraige,100% of the house, half of my 401k, and it's still not enough. You can't negotiate with a bi polar malignant narc.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/23 11:14 PM
2

They fall out of love when you get the house They fall on to other guys d!*ks after you get the house Then they stop working when you get a decent paying job after you bought the house. Then you are locked in. Kids seal the terms of the contract you signed without knowing the terms.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/23 08:02 PM
3

+1 for all above comments. Keep reading the posts from this sub to help aid the decision you have made so far.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/23 01:44 PM
2

The safest bet is to not play the game.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/23 01:40 PM
3

Judge needed more time, the last judge of 18 months had Alzheimer’s and was forced to retire. All he did was set up status updates. That’s my guess.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/23 05:41 AM
1

They also do in IL. The first guy was in for 10 months and went to traffic court. The 2nd one was on for 18 months and was kicked out for Alzheimer’s. The 3rd one has been on for 14 months. Not sure where he goes next. Sorry that was a reply to justthespecsplease
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/23 05:09 AM
4

That's "awesome" in the sense. In 3 months, I got nothing but a discovery order. The deadline was 1 month. We had to subpoena her banks/ credit cards to get hers, even though she was the one who ordered it first. We received her dicovery 8 months after my filing and 4 months after it was "due." It makes it much harder when the other person doesn't feel like cooperating. Seems like there are no consequences for her for that. When you get married, you get to pick the date. I wish it were that easy…
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/23 05:03 PM
1

Just curious, why did it take 3 years?
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/23 12:02 PM
2

Just curious, why did it take 3 years?
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/23 12:01 PM
5

Illinois - my fault for not moving away
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/23 12:05 AM
9

Sometimes it's hard for me to let her be rent free when I'm paying her rent (through spousal support) and going on 41 months and paying over 5k a month and still no final ruling- there are no kids. So when my wallet is more full - she will not be able to live "rent free" in my head
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/23 05:59 AM
4

You love who she used to be - not her now. The person you marry is not the person you divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/23 05:48 AM
2

I do now, but I didn't for 8 of the 10 years of my "marriage". The only thing they look at is your last w2. I'm on month 41, her 4th lawyer, and the 3rd judge who had delayed the final ruling from the trial that we had 4 days in August and 1 day in sept. As you can see there aren't any laws on how long a simple divorce case with no children should last. A judge or judges can do whatever they want.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/23 05:43 AM
1

Divorce in illinois. I'm sure Ca and ny is the same. Orher states would have made spousal support less than 63k a year.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/23 01:37 PM
2

Unfortunately hoping a judge will do that for me is like being married to a door knob (which I was)
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 03:47 AM
3

I think it's easier with no children involved. She tried her damdest to have kids (to lock me in). It turns out she wasn't able to physically carry a child to term. She did ask my sister in law to be a surrogate without my knowledge. I told her that before we start trying (financially able to or not), that she needed to quit smoking 2 packs of cigarettes and having 10 to 15 glasses of boxed wine every day. (Not an exaggeration). She could never quit. The addiction was apparently more important (…
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 03:44 AM
5

Try 63k per year. I haven't even received my final judgement yet. That was the "temporary order" 2 and a half years ago.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 12:14 AM
5

What is the source for the 30% richer? Mine will be 100% richer.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 12:12 AM
1

I would like to, but it's also a waste of my time since I'm over 1000 miles away and have moved on with my life. While I am 100% more happy, I have still not been released (divorced) by the state. I was unable to speak in front of a judge, and there was no mediation, as that would not have been progress or fruitful. The only thing that hurts is the waste of the time, effort, and wasted trust. The thing that hurts the most is my wallet. But that can be replaced. I will just end throwing her under…
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/23 05:26 PM
1

Ill let you know after im done. in month 41, uncertainty of duration and amout payable to the cheater, have been paying over5k for 2 and a half years, no kids, 3 judges, she got 4 lawyers, and the judge extended his date for a final ruling for the 3rd time today until the end of the month. At least I dont havr to be around a malignant covert narc.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/23 01:52 AM
1

What state?
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/23 12:06 AM
1

Same thing happened to me. I was paying all of her utilities, mortgage on the house she cheated on me in, her student loan, her car payment, gym membership, phone bill, and medical insurance to maintain a status quo (with no order) for 10 months until I got my judgement. I moved out and had to pay my own bills, 21k to her lawyer, and pay my lawyer bills. I was raped for over 5k per month and still had to pay her phone bill, medical insurance, and car insurance. There are no children. This is all…
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/23 04:54 PM
2

Kane. May as well be the same. But it's 1 circuit off.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/23 03:03 PM
2

Same state here. Not surprised. Looks like IL is #2 behind Ca. But for unfair judges? IL may be #1. We may have had the same judge.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/23 01:50 PM
2

What state is this? My stbx spends over 1k every month (easly proven on bank statements) on alcohol and cigarettes and I have to pay her over 5k a month. The court also made an order for her to sell the residence which she is still leaching off of. That was over 3 years ago. The court doesn't care even if they go against their own orders. Case is ongoing with no children.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/23 05:15 PM
3

I heard I've got a bridge to sell you... Any benefit from tax shelters, tax breaks or whatever else is dwarfed by the amount of money I've paid this black hole. (Nothing escapes, not even your money).
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/23 05:43 AM
2

And they / she can decide that she can't work because she has sicknesses/ailments/disorders, etc. Once one of her doctors was subpoenaed to testify (6 months later). that she can work and her income should not be $0, the judge still didn't change the order . I was taking home 19% of my income. On the 3rd day of court, she wanted to see if id settle with paying her over 800k over 20 years until she could "retire". Oh, and there's no children.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/23 11:55 PM
3

I gave mine to a homeless guy. He can go buy drugs with it. Selling it for money implies that I thought there was some kind of value in it. I wouldn't even want to get money or booze with it, it would seem that that would also be tainted.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/23 04:35 PM
1

Illinois
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/23 11:46 AM
9

Same here including strangers and co workers
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/23 10:53 PM
2

I paid 27k un ordered status quo for 10 months before a judgement. Ordered to pay her lawyer 21k. Paid my lawyer about 110k so far. I'll total it up after the brothel is sold, 401k loss, and the final order comes out. Not a pity me party but it seems like I've paid the most of anyone or any story I've read. I don't have a business and no other assets and no kids. It's so easy to get married and so difficult to divorce the state.
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/23 11:06 PM
1

I've only had 2. The cost for my trial was close to 20k for 4 days, and we didn't finish.
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/23 05:54 PM
2

That may depend on the state. Mine is at 41 months. No mediation required. Trial was last August. Still waiting for final ruling. The other party would not negotiate in good faith. There are no laws protecting us for the length of proceedings or the number of lawyers you have. There are no children.
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/23 12:03 PM
2

This is all state/court/judge dependent. I did both of those things - and it didn't work. ymmv.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/23 10:40 PM
2

I bought into the fallacy of one-itis. I bought into societal norms if you must get married. I was codependent. Yes you could say I was out of my mind. I've learned a lot about myself from this.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/23 04:46 AM
8

Left in 2020. They have my tax returns from 2017-2022. Made about 220k in 2022. The first 5 years of marriage, my average gross was 37.5k. The 2nd half of it I averaged about 130k. No one cares about the fact that I started making "real money" 2 years before I found videos of her cheating with (one) of her APs on her phone. The court only looks at your last paycheck. So if you strung it along for more years,(im at 41 months now, shes on her 4th lawyer), ill make even more money. The judge allowe…
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/23 12:26 AM
9

Mine is also an alcoholic and claimed im court that her drinking (avg 17 glasses of wine per day plus a few shots) was not an issue for her case. She claimed that I forced her to drink. During the deposition I stated that I did not force her to drink or put anything else in any other holes in her body. She spent over 20k in 3 years at a liquor store and claimed it was a grocery store. Spousal support TBD. Nov is the 41st month of the case. Temp spousal support is over 5k a month. So it is OK acc…
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/23 06:42 PM
-1

I went against my order and the status quo after 38 months,3 judges, and 4 lawyers. According to her subpoenaed bank statements, she had another phone anyway. I used it to gather evidence against her ( not in the case as it is a no fault state). She used her phone to record video of her affair. Since she faked disability and ubered to court, I cancelled her phone plan while still in court on the 4th day. She pleaded with the phone company and asked 5 different people (I recieved 5 phone calls fr…
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/23 06:27 PM
2

Maybe repost this once a month (if the moderators are OK with it) and let us know how many stories you have racked up.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/23 05:27 PM
2

I'll let you know after my 41 month filing to final judgement with no kids order comes out
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/23 09:04 PM
1

Possibly make an outline of questions that you would like to have included. Each story is different kids/no kids, wealthy/poor , etc. I'd be willing to contribute. Still waiting after 40 months, 3 judges, no kids, her getting 4 lawyers, 3 sets of discovery, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/23 08:54 PM
2

Don't forget that's all tax free
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/23 10:35 PM
3

That and it made me wonder why, after having a home burglary when I was out of town (and I was questioned for my involvement in it), we got an alarm system for the house, but she insisted on no cameras. I fell for that sales pitch, but when you record yourself on your phone having sex with the AP, (then deny it, of course), you don't have a leg to stand on... She already had her own camera... lol. But then the sales pitch was that if the photos and videos don't exist on the phone, then it never …
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/23 08:01 PM
5

(Personal anecdote), it's also easier for the woman to cheat if the man is at work earning money to afford you the ability to cheat while she was at home with no job and no kids. She was a stay at home leech. You can trip and fall on dicks, but eventually the truth will cum out. (Stains on the couch)
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/23 05:53 PM
4

On a tangent here, but I had the opposite luck with them. I was ordered to pay the stbxw's lawyer over 20k for current and prospective lawyer fees. I worked out a deal where I paid 5k every 2 months (taking out a 401k loan to accomplish this). Citi increased my limit from 9k to over 35k and i didnt ask for it. My lawyer fees have risen to over 6 figures not including the payout to her lawyer. I also get 2%cash back to pay lawyers (liars). Litigation is in its 40th month. And no, there are no chi…
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/23 05:14 PM
1

You have to pay the tax on all alimony because of the Trump "tax cut" of 2017. The idea was to have one person pay a higher tax rate than two people paying a lower tax rate. Judges dont factor tax implications. (At least mine didnt)
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/23 05:02 PM
1

This may be true. The gift tax threshold would affect the top half of 1% of divorces in the US. The tax "cut" of 2017 hurt the other 99% of divorced men and probably 100% of the people on this thread.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/23 05:22 PM
2

That sounds great. I was married just short of 10 years and have been ordered to pay 5.2k a month, and the greedy wife also gets ss disability for 1.5k per month. She doesnt pay taxes on any of her income which leaves me, the higher earner (she doesnt work) to pay a higher tax rate on more money instead of 2 smaller incomes paying a lower tax rate. The gift tax threshold increase sounds good but 83% of that tax cut was given to the 1%. All of the people I work with are paying much more in income…
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/23 12:08 AM
2

Dont forget the trump "tax cut" of 2017 for that
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/23 11:28 PM
2

Going through 3 judges, having her fire her lawyer twice just before a trial (no laws against having unlimited # of lawyers), having 3 "pre trial" conferences, having to pay her lawyer to fight against me, paying well above statutory guidelines, not having and end to the payment date, having her cheat while saying she was raped, her not having a job, having her lie to the court and its ok, having her be in the top 10% of income earners and not paying taxes on it thanks to the 2017 "tax cut", the…
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/23 07:57 AM
3

I was ordered to pay 20k of her attorney fees. She was so dumb that she stopped paying her attorney after that and was then sued and lost for another 10k.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/23 01:09 PM
1

Mine is on her 3rd lawyer. We were scheduled for trial in 2021 after 18 months of BS and her 1st lawyer quit. Her 2nd lawyer wanted to quit and the judge prevented him because we had a 2nd trial date (after she refused to sign a “prove up agreement” during the 1st trial.). A week before the 2nd trial, the judge let her 2nd lawyer quit. Now we’re on number 3. I was ordered to pay her first liar 21k. In total, I’m over 60k in liar fees, pay her over 5 k a month tax free, have to pay her medical in…
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/22 05:49 AM
1

6 years for an almost 9 year marriage. TBD. 24 months into it so far 59k lawyer fees. 2nd trial in Sept. Her lawyer quit because stbx wouldn't pay lawyer for 10 months
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/22 02:16 PM
2

I have to pay $5200 a month and no kids
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/22 05:01 AM
1

Haven't been on here for a while - but I'm above 5k a month for 6 years (so I'm told 23 months into divorce and haven't finished it yet.) - with no kids. No fault state - so when she is with other men when was at work, I have to pay for her to stay at home and play on her phone.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/22 11:54 AM
1

She had just not responded to anything, so we'd have to get subpoenas and court orders to get anything done. Now she won't sign a document to finalize and went no contact with her lawyer. I had to pay 21k of her lawyer fees, so she didn't really care much. Her head has been buried in the sand. She thought that after cheating on me - I'd take her back. Not responding to your lawyer?- that's next level narcissist.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/22 04:56 AM
2

Or,....if you make more $, a judge will order you to pay some or all of her legal fees like I had to pay. It only matters who makes more money. The lawyers goal is to make sure that it is all gone by the time you are done.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/22 11:19 PM
1

Not exactly. I'm in 19 months with no kids. It's not as easy as it sounds.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/22 11:13 PM
3

4100 a month no kids . Before the judgement was made, it was 5200 a month. That left me with 19% after taxes 401k and a 401k loan I had to take out to pay her lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/21 09:54 PM
1

She wanted for life. I got 6 years of jail time( paying her ) with no chance of "reviewing"
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/21 04:19 AM
1

Isn't that just code for "I need multiple sexual partners, and I need money from multiple sources"?
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/21 12:56 PM
1

The expense blows, but the piece of mind and the lack of unnecessary stress and anxiety is priceless.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/21 12:53 PM
3

Or a slightly better one: $5200 a month plus car and medical insurance, and phone bill - no kids. Her imputed income $0
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/21 12:30 PM
1

I just started earning around 200k during my separation. After 10 months of maintaining "status quo", I was ordered to pay her over 5k a month after taxes - she pays none. With the loan I had to take out to pay her lawyer and my expenses, I see 19% of my gross income. I wish I had known that status quo means nothing. I should have not maintained anything without my name on it for those 10 months which do not count towards my judgment. I'm hoping that since I started making these payments last Ma…
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/21 09:06 PM
3

I was also with a covert narc. And, for the OP, I AM a pilot, and I was told that I am too dumb to be one, by someone who barely had an IQ.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/21 08:53 PM
1

When she is too sick to have "any income" (imputed income $0), but she can use her sexual parts to commit adultery.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/21 12:26 AM
3

I am also an outlier. I initiated in a no fault state. She lied and cheated but there is no fault. I earn 19% of my income. I have no kids. The stbxw decided she doesn’t want to work and the court is ok with that. I pay alimony. I am also surprised she didn’t file false allegations, but she was about to.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/21 08:43 PM
1

Yes, they are. However, in an "equity court", not a court with a jury of your peers, where things are supposed to be "fair and equitable", this is not. There may be a judge that IS equitable.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/21 04:06 PM
1

I'm 14 months into divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/21 03:55 PM
2

A vocational evaluator. Yes we haven't gotten that far. But if the court moved any slower, they'd be in reverse.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/21 03:52 PM
1

I’m not in CA, I just started making decent $ about 3 years before filing. All the judge looked at was my last W-2 for spousal support. Since she dragged it on into 2021, the judge looked at my final pay stub for 2020. Since she is dragging it on, probably into 2022, the judge will have to look at my final pay stub for 2021, after my lawyer files an order, since I will have made less in 2021. Not by choice.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/21 02:24 PM
3

I'm currently "in" court with her and an authoritarian judge
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/21 04:32 AM
3

I pay over $5k a month spousal support, have no kids, and she decided she can’t work any more. I get to pay her phone bill, car insurance, and medical insurance until the divorce is finalized
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/21 03:11 AM
2

Yep. I guess that's why my story may be different from most others. I still call it child support. The Judge imputed $0 income to her because she said she can't work any more
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/21 04:48 PM
2

If I had any money after getting 18% of my gross income, I could. Good thing there aren't any kids.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/21 04:22 PM
1

This is true. We all have those thoughts but some act on them.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/21 04:11 PM
1

With the amount of $ I'm paying the stbxw in spousal support, she's making the equivalent of just above that since she doesn't have to pay taxes on spousal support. Thank the last guy in the white house for that "tax cut". -Oh and I can't write that off on my taxes either.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/21 03:56 PM
2

Same thing happened here. She got very upset and thought that was a breach of security that I looked into her texts and calls. The simple response is I pay for it. I told her when she pays for it - she can look at my texts. (She paid for nothing except some of her alcohol and cigs) After becoming a better detective, I went to Google photos (the same as icloud pictures). I set up the password with her when I bought her a phone years ago (she buys nothing except some of her alcohol and cigs). Afte…
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/21 03:47 PM
2

"If it flies floats or f**ks, you rent it."
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/21 03:30 PM
1

I was criticized for drinking 3 beers in a day. She finishes a box of Franzia (34 - 5oz. glasses of wine) in 2 days for a total of 17 glasses per day. (But she dilutes it with ice cubes!!!!) She drank to the point of pancreatitis 3 times in 2 months. The hypocrisy is real.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/21 03:25 PM
1

You have no obligation to the other man. You had an obligation to your wife. She ruined that. Take the high road. The other man was behaving like - a man. Sure this is the last step of acceptance. In the end, men usually think logically. Thinking that you want to ruin the other man is thinking with emotion. Yes this will take some thought and time, but in the outcome of this, both of their emotions for her and the other guy will take care of themselves - they will be destroyed.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/21 03:12 PM
3

I've been there and that is no way to live. You earn the $ to buy said items in the refrigerator, you probably went to the store to buy those items.....
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/21 03:04 PM
2

Stay at home "nothing". I have one of those. No kids, no friends, no interests or hobbies besides drinking and smoking - just plays on her phone and with other guys
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/21 03:00 PM
1

Divorce corp. "Equity court". No rules.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/21 11:54 PM
1

Add this to the multi billion $ a year divorce corp.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/21 03:31 PM
1

It does suck, it's called spousal support.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/21 04:26 AM
1

Everyone has a different set of circumstances. Mine will be when I can discontinue paying somone to exist after they lied and cheated.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/21 11:50 PM
2

I'm paying 5200 a month in spousal support. I'm paying her phone bill, medical insurance and car insurance until the papers are signed. (Court ordered). I'm getting 34% of my gross - but 18% after I contribute to my 401k and pay back the 25k 401k loan I had to take out to pay her lawyer. I have no kids. That's the raw deal.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/21 11:41 PM
1

You still have to pay "child support" (spousal support) in the biased court system with authoritarian judges. So the story is partially true.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/21 01:37 PM
2

This is all true. However, in a case with no children such as mine, its only about money to lawyers. There should be a time limit like there is in other countries, and a money limit for spousal support. Status quo is BS. Lawyers need billable hours and they can milk (mostly men) for their money. When you lie and cheat, or even if you just grow apart, there is no reason for a man (or woman) to pay for you to exist. It makes it seem like the court wants one person to work and the other should coll…
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/21 11:54 PM
2

According to divorce corp, it was a 50 billion a year industry in 2014. I'm sure it's much more than that now. I don't think laws will be changed, there is no incentive for anyone to do so until it is too late for them. We can just wish on our enemies that they get married.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/21 10:33 PM
1

9yr 10 mo until filing.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/21 06:08 PM
1

Status quo and I think I make more per year than the Judge. Just my guess. Everything has been closed door zoom meetings so I've never spoken a word to either of 2 authoritarian judges. I just started making good money. See my previous posts for more. I'm 14 months in and the only thing settled is how much I pay, not how long I pay.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/21 01:27 AM
6

About 8k. No kids. Spousal support 5266. Her medical 209. Her phone 45. Her car insurance 50. 5570 is 70% of my take home - tax free to her. She earns $0 per month. If I include my 401k repayment that I needed to pay her lawyer - 400 a month, well you get the picture.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/21 01:19 AM
3

It was difficult to read some of the posts here and I agree with yours. It's hard to believe the post where the guy had 30 days to give 1.2 million after building up "community" assets. (The man earns - the woman spends and is awarded at divorce). I can't imagine this. In my case I was making slightly above poverty (in the USA the poverty line is too low in my opinion) to 20 to 30 k usd a year. None of this is used in the spousal/child support calculation. They just look at your last pay stubs .…
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/21 06:38 PM
5

Wow I had posted the other day with 21k to her lawyer 22k to mine, 5.2k a month for an undetermined time. 29k of status quo before judgement was made. Haven't sold or refinanced the house, haven't split 401k credit card debt, misc debt. She decided (probably plotted for the right time) to not work. So in looking in the past 3 years, my wage went up 500% and she went from 20 to 30k a year to government covid checks and my spousal support. No kids. So far a judge has not ordered her to get a job a…
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/21 09:59 PM
1

When she was snoring, it became my fault that I slept in a different room. Covert narc.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/21 08:53 PM
1

43k, 22 for my lawyer, and 21k for her lawyer. 5.2k monthly payment. 47 months is statutory for 9 year 10 month "marriage". 5 months in to the payment. 10 months of status quo for about 29k. Nothing split yet - nothing accomplished except discovery and my payment. No kids. She decided she doesn't want to work. Everything has to be and has had to be subpoenaed since she has buried her head in the sand. Simple "no fault" divorce. 14 months in.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/21 08:48 PM
1

Based in income, I'm paying 23% more of my income than she is and I don't have any kids.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/21 07:49 PM
2

Upvote: playing candy crush. I thought I was the only one who's x/ stbxw stayed at home and played on their phone while I was working. She did that a lot while I was home to make me assume that's what she did when I was away. That may have just been code for her falling on other guys dicks
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/21 10:51 AM
11

Warning: not helpful. The time when I said "I do". Then she turned into a completely different person.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/21 04:38 AM
5

It's OK to talk to people (family, friends, co workers). Posting here can be therapeutic to a degree. Don't make your life about divorce but about you and your kid(s). Talking it out with others helps out.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/21 07:37 PM
1

I remember reading one of your earlier posts. 13 months in and half of subpoenaed medical documents in the hands of my lawyer. We found out that she lied to me, her doctors, her lawyer, and the judge about a lupus "diagnosis" 8 years ago. The claimed to have a MS diagnosis when I moved out, and her latest is shingles and a bacteria infection and she needs my help mowing the lawn. (4k a month tax free after her mortgage is paid with my spousal support). Thank goodness there aren't any kids. Her m…
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/21 07:34 PM
1

I forgot that step. I was assuming this case was like mine where the judge is a one sided dictator (toward my lawyer and I only) and the other party wouldn’t respond to motion to compel.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/21 04:04 PM
2

You ask your lawyer to have her subpoenaed for said documents.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/21 12:01 PM
2

I don't think it's a bad think to think cynically of lawyers - the 50 billion dollar + a year industry
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/21 05:26 AM
10

Add that to the amount you spent on them to exist.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/21 12:50 AM
1

My lawyer got a 10/10 on the website that everyone refers to. Not sure if getting another one would help at this point. The Judge made up his mind. She's about to lose the house due to stupidity and a lack of financial knowledge- oh well.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/21 04:48 AM
1

And we're not even close to being done
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/21 08:00 PM
2

It doesn't matter what my lawyer did or didn't do. It's up to an authorian judge and draconian state laws. When my lawyer said I couldn't afford to pay her lawyer 21k, the judges response was "he makes over 200k, he will figure it out". I had to take a 401k loan out to pay her lawyer. The point is there is not a jury if your peers, it's the system that let's judges do whatever they want and drag it out. I'm sure hehind closed doors, the lawyers and judges are buddy buddy. The Judge knew that wit…
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/21 08:00 PM
13

You are not the only one. Re read the 2 previous comments. They are 100% true. You need to get out of this now because you will be (comfortably?) miserable - or just miserable. Do not have children with her because that will turn your 18 months into 18 YEARS. You can't love someone who doesn't love themselves. When people at my work asked me if I have any children (I work with new people most days I'm at work), I'd tell them I just have a 38 year old wife, she's a big teenager. That helped me re…
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/21 06:19 PM
1

Well you wonder why the first thing they do is figure out your assets, property, bonuses, income, etc. They tell you it's to split things up and it may be. I think they use that as a guise to see how much money they can make off of you. How is my "simple case" of no kids, dividing a house, spousal support, a 401k, and a car taking over a year? Well first I had to pay my lawyer and her lawyer totalling over 70k, and almost nothing has been accomplished except me paying her over 5k a month. My law…
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/21 06:05 PM
6

Well you wonder why the first thing they do is figure out your assets, property, bonuses, income, etc. They tell you it's to split things up and it may be. I think they use that as a guise to see how much money they can make off of you.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/21 06:05 PM
1

The easiest case on paper- lawyers famous first words. Please keep us posted as to what happens
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/21 05:08 PM
5

It's nice to see when a story has a happy/ok ending. It's worse when everything is dragged on. I've had zero court appearances in 13 months. My stbxw had found other men but just wanted them on the side and have me for money, stability, status, etc.. When you don't want a divorce the system lets her drag on and on.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/21 06:10 PM
1

What's the name of the movie?
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/21 06:05 PM
4

It is more common to be the truth
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/21 02:58 AM
1

I will have to get an expert witness and a vocational evaluation for her. The Judge wants to see all of her medical documentation before proceeding.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/21 06:30 PM
1

Unfortunately for me, the stranger in the robe needs to see TBH's medical documentation that was due in April. It's slowly coming in by subpoena and had to go through HIPPA. But also with my case, she had to do nothing except say she is unable to work to collect over 5k a month. She is not scared of the stranger in the robe. I can't set dates for mediation or a trial. If I could I would have done that a year ago when I left. I just got an email of her saying it's been a year, I thought you'd cha…
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/21 04:38 PM
2

The "no fault" is supposed to speed things up in court, however the modern divorce corp (watch the movie even though it's from 2014) is all about the (usually the man) loosing all of his money. The court will see cases with kids (rightfully so) faster, but then still drag out spousal support. It's amazing when I think about it, zero assets have been split. I've tried to email the black hole (that's the stbxw) about splitting assets, and she just writes back with her covert narc response of how I…
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/21 04:28 PM
3

I think the entire divorce law needs to be re examined. I don't know what her lawyer costs but I found out that she would drive to the marital house to pick up paperwork. Of course she is billing for it. STBXW hasn't gotten past the first stage of realizing that she is getting a divorce, so she is not cooperating with anything. Based on that, I get to pay for subpoenas and her lawyer driving etc. I think the Judges authoritarian power in divorce law needs to be re examined.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/21 01:42 PM
3

I also did the same thing. No child support just spousal support. There was no response. I had to wait for 2 months for a judge to order twice the amount that I offered or 5.2k a month. No end date. I still get to pay her medical, car insurance, and her cell phone. Temp support didn't matter. It's easier for them to delay knowing they can just exist for free. 1 year in and the only thing that has been accomplished is the discovery she had to be subpoenaed to get her docs) and the amount I have t…
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/21 06:06 AM
1

Don't turn in financial documents (discovery). Don't turn in pay stubs (if she works). Don't decide if she wants the house or not Don't decide how to split your assets She can switch lawyers She can accuse you of domestic abuse and or rape. She can disagree with your custody I'm sure the list goes on and on
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/21 08:50 PM
1

My lawyer, 19k so far. Her lawyer, 21k so far. I got to pay both. 1 year in. Almost nothing accomplished. Not only is my stbx stupid, but she's dragging like no other - and with the court's approval.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/21 11:52 AM
1

Nice.. A law that can be broken by her with the Judges approval
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/21 11:50 AM
1

That's awesome, you won't even notice it gone
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/21 04:43 AM
12

Dday_throwaway3 speaks the truth
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/21 11:18 PM
1

My spousal support is scheduled to total 315k for about 5 years (still in the divorce Corp works). It is not a thing of the past in my case.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/21 06:44 PM
3

This is a far cry from what we see in this thread since the business of divorce has grown so much over the last 4 decades
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/21 03:12 AM
2

As the previous posters noted; focus on yourself. Don't let her "rent space" in your mind. It is possible that the loneliness feeling you have is codependency. Stay away from that. Knowing that she will be out running around and acting as if we never happened.... Well if you put in your effort into the marriage, and she can behave as you and her didn't even happen ( tough to say without more details), then you don't want this person in your life. You can be happy without her, it will take a bit …
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/21 12:02 AM
2

And be careful of this, because in the discovery process (at least in my state), this could be considered "dissappation of assets". She and or her lawyer may go after you for that. I had to explain to my lawyer that when I moved out of the marital house, that I had to pay rent, a phone bill, furnature, utilities, a lawyer retainer, credit card bills for all the sh!t I bought for her, and oh yeah, food.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/21 09:03 PM
2

And to add to this, all they will look at is your last pay stubs. The longer you drag it out, the more you earn, the more of your work goes to paying her- she gets it tax free. You can't write it off on taxes thanks to the "tax cut" of 2017. And in my case, I got to pay (so far) all of her legal fees. 21k so far.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/21 08:58 PM
3

One guy I talked to divorced for $100 back in the late 80s. That has to be a record. They didn't have any assets and agreed on the divorce because she was already with someone else who made more money. Poster: please let us know how this all turned out with assets, debts, lawyer fees, etc
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/21 08:49 PM
3

Haha nice.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/21 07:17 PM
4

Well she may have taken my wallet for 10 years and before and after the marriage - but she can be alone, a covert narcissistic liar, depressed, have anxiety, and live with what she did. She didn't lie to me, she lied to herself (with her bs story). Two things she will never have - happiness and purpose.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/21 06:15 PM
4

This also happened to me, except she decided she's too sick to work and makes $0. Her lawyer started the discovery process, and she was allowed to (get subpoenaed) turn her stuff in by subpoena 4 months later - no penalty. She was allowed to initiate the sale of the marital house because she was too sick to take care of it. (After she told her lawyer that I was the hold up). The next day (after a drafted order to sell the house was written by my lawyer) she said she's physically and emotionally …
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/21 04:56 PM
1

2m in assets, please share when this is over with.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/21 04:30 PM
4

I was that dumping ground for her. She is my wallet anchor.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/21 04:28 PM
1

Could we call this a wallet anchor instead? That may be a bit more accurate.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/21 04:26 PM
4

Reading that makes me feel disappointed, but reiterates your point.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/21 03:17 PM
5

What about a SAHN? - stay at home nothing. No kids, no pets, no friends, no hobbies and interests beside drinking. They get pretty bored also.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/21 03:16 PM
4

Plus 5 upvotes for ddaythrowaway comments
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/21 03:13 PM
1

You need to get a lawyer that practices in your county or hers, not just any lawyer in IL. Mine got the county (and state) wrong, but they assumed I was married in the county that I filed in. Easy case? This will depend on your stbx, the Judge, and I think the most important, how much money you have.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/21 03:06 PM
2

Not in NC, but my stbxw was able to refinance without working or kids based on 3 months of spousal support. Food for thought. I guess that depends on the judge.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/21 06:07 AM
2

The "tax cut of 2017". After all my taxes and paying her I get 20% and no kids. 20% of gross.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/21 06:04 AM
2

It should be a privilege to be with you. And if the relationship is right, it should be a privilege to you to be with her. It is not a right.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/21 06:01 AM
16

Damn that's over 1k higher than my last months bill. In my case I get to give it to both her and her lawyer. Fees between the both of us have exceeded 70k and I got to pay for both lawyers! I have not gone to court yet either. We had no life savings since I had to pay for everything including repairs to our house while she drank herself to the hospital 3 times. Had I not had insurance, each visit was over 50k for a week. I had to pay a bit over 28k for her to exist for 10 months to maintain "sta…
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/21 05:54 AM
7

A court of "equity", not a court of your peers.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/21 04:53 AM
3

69k of lawyer fees. Haven't gotten to court yet. 11 months in, not close to being done, no kids.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/21 03:12 AM
2

Things were of course different. The person you married is not the person you divorce. There were positive qualities in her in the beginning, but also red flags that I didn't see. Part if this is my fault for being codependent. Once the house was purchased and I started making money, I was locked in. I'm sure there are many stories like it. Women will use kids to "lock" the man in. Luckily, there aren't any.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/21 01:38 PM
3

Statutory wise 47 months. I was ordered to pay retro to last March but that doesn't count. The 10 months before this judgement didn't count either. The divorce is far from over. This isn't a passing contest but to let others know - more money more problems. She got lucky picking me. The length of this payment is still pending . Edit: of course she will want the payment to go on forever. I will save a bit when it's finalized and not have to pay her car and medical insurance and her phone bill. I …
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/21 02:33 AM
3

Sorry to steal the thread. Where you are wrong is that she almost 40, she is not a full grown adult. The logic the Judge used was I make money and she doesn't have to because she is too sick. That was all written word, she has not spoken to a judge either.. I'm guessing the Judge bought her lawyers story. Also where you got it wrong - is that she is not like any normal person, she is insane, a sociopath, and covert narc.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/21 02:20 AM
3

Well in a no fault state you can "f the whole football team" but the person who makes more pays. So yes, she has gotten paid to cheat, and then lied and said it was rape (gas lighting and narcissism), then told me the guy made her do coke, then said she was " under his control and he would threaten me with his gun" if she reported it. So it's cheating, lying, gas lighting, non accountability, and blame shifting to make me feel guilty. I put up with almost 10 years of that while I was the ignoran…
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/21 01:46 AM
2

I wish my case was something like yours, however, it's the polar opposite. The (male) judge really doesn't like me
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/21 01:32 AM
6

My lawyer pushed for that( min wage)but I think the Judge hates me because I make more than him. I haven't said one word to a judge yet. If I did, it may be worse because I'm sick of zero progress for almost a year. I'm already 83k in fees and paying her to exist. The system is working as it was designed. To take all if my money away.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/21 10:11 PM
4

I haven't gotten that far. The medical paperwork due last April is still being looked over. Vocational evaluation will be forthcoming.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/21 09:57 PM
7

I have a high paying job that I've worked 15 years to get to. I've desired this job since I was 6 years old. I also have to pay her medical insurance, car insurance, and phone bill until the divorce is settled. I made over 200k last year. After my taxes, 401k, medical, ss, and a 401k loan I had to take out to pay her lawyer, and paying her, I take home 13% of my pay. As I've stated on other threads; when my lawyer said I can't afford that, the Judge said " he makes over 200k, he will find a way"…
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/21 09:52 PM
7

It was imputed - to $0
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/21 09:43 PM
2

Have her buy it in her name.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/21 08:29 PM
9

Mine went from $8k a year to almost $6k a month for spousal support as a stay at home nothing. (No job or kids). She did get to try different men out - hence the divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/21 08:27 PM
1

And reddit in this sub. That kills my sleeping pattern, but I'm addicted
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/21 06:31 PM
2

Men can screw up also. In my case, I was the codependent, and didn't even know what that meant. My fault was that I let the "marriage" go on for longer than it should have. Gas lighting is real. Someimes this may be hard to see if you are the codependent. Once you take yourself out of the situation and look at it from a 3rd party perspective, you will see it more clearly. Dday_throwaway3, I can't upvote your comment enough, if I could, I'd upvote it 10 times. "Men get mad when you lie to them, w…
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/21 06:29 PM
1

I believe but not sure that union dues are not part of "income" and its not a big part of my total gross. It's just that after all deductions and taxes and paying someone to continue substance abuse and remain a non productive member of society, I'm left with well under a quarter of my gross income. No kids
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/21 02:56 PM
2

Mine just decided she can't work and I think the Judge was pissed I make more than him. I'll never know. I haven't spoken a word to a judge yet. So the judge figured since I make money and she had none since she can't manage it, I will have to pay for everything. Illinois
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/21 02:03 AM
2

Yep. I have been judged to pay her lawyer and her lawyers prospective fees (fees not incurred yet) . Between her living for free for 10 months, my lawyer and her lawyer, I'm up to 69k. Almost a year in, and nothing has really happened except the judgement that I pay her, and with no end date.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/21 01:56 AM
2

I pay 5.2 k usd a month with no kids. She decided she can't work any more once I started making good money, and the judge made this decision with out any supporting documents. I made a bit more last year than I will for the next 5 or so years. I'm looking into this issue as well. My lawyer seems to think this will be easy to get a modification. I'm interested in seeing how this will turn out. Please share.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/21 01:46 AM
1

Canada is so much better in so many ways. But that would have to be a completely different sub thread.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/21 04:35 PM
1

I don't think this has ever happened before. Someone correct me?
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/21 06:31 AM
1

Thanks. I have met someone that has changed my life. She got married a month before me and just finalized her divorce. She has helped me in so many ways and ended my way of thinking that I'd be alone for the rest of my life. I promised her I'd never get married again. She's fine with that. I had given up on women for what I thought would be a life time. The timing couldn't have been better. She is the light through the tunnel. Night and day. I got Fd in the A financially, but I am love rich. As …
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/21 06:25 AM
2

Sorry I stole the thread also. Going back to the original post, it will be up to a judge to determine imputed income. The system is backwards. As I found on this sub, the men are treated unfairly in nearly all except 1% of the cases where the man is staying at home with the kids. I'm nowhere near the end because her and her liar (lawyer) are stalling and that is fine with the court. My lawyer has had to get subpoenas to make her cooperate and turn in documents. Her lawyer is driving to TBH's hou…
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/21 06:00 AM
2

With the bitching, I was the ignorant codependent. I have learned alot since I moved out of the house. I've been educating myself with articles, podcasts, books, and of course this sub. I had a small time period where I'd try to write to her about splitting 4 or 5 assets that would be the main body of a settlement. I just wanted to see if there was a way that we could agree on something before we had our next "status update". All I'd get in return was gas lighting, breadcrumbs and bs, as well as…
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/21 05:42 AM
7

Paying for her to exist, or pay her to continue substance abuse 🤔. Mine did cook and clean, to the point of OCD. That is all that she brought to our facade of a marriage. I'd always tell men to be careful what you ask for. I did the grocery shopping while she played on FB and texted other men while throwing me under the bus while talking to her mom. I'd get yelled at for going to fast at the grocery store to what took you so long - where were you, to you forgot to get xxx item. Meanwhile, I am p…
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/21 01:34 AM
2

Illinois.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/21 08:52 PM
3

I make 13% of my income after taxes, 401k, union dues, me paying for her medical insurance, her spousal support, and a 401k loan I had to take out to pay her lawyer. No kids. That’s “fair and equitable” according to the “equity court” of family law. That’s before I pay for her car insurance, and phone bill. Now one can see why she would want to drag this out. After we sign papers, I won't have to pay her medical insurance, phone bill and car insurance.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/21 07:15 PM
17

STBX whom I’ll refer to as “the black hole” or TBH, used to make half of what I made by under employing herself. I recently got a large raise, which was perfect for her because that was the same time I learned the “iceburg” truth about what she was doing while I wasn’t home. Perfect timing because that’s when I filed. Around the same time, TBH decided she was too sick to work. The judge took 10 months to decide that she can’t work based on no evidence, and imputed $0 income to her. The evidence …
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/21 07:08 PM
2

That's true, If the situation were reversed. Yes 401k is small compared to visitation. You'd think she deserves nothing after doing that. My judge bought the "to sick to work" thing and she wants even more. He did this with no evidence.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/21 07:10 PM
1

DUI with kids in the car and she still gets half of the 401k. That sounds like bs. Sure it could have been much worse
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/21 05:54 PM
4

This may be the sub quote of the day
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/21 01:51 PM
1

Love "the breadcrumbs and bs"
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/21 08:49 PM
3

At least double with inflation
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/21 03:23 PM
7

Mine got the best of living 2 lives; the stability and money from me, and then I am on the road for work for almost half the month. No burner phone necessary. But now I know why she didn't want cameras added to our security system after a home burglary. (Yes I was accused of robbing my own house when I was over 1000 miles away for a week) The subpoenas that I've had to get for her to cooperate with the discovery process show otherwise, but, but, but, divorce corp will probably blame me. Edit; it…
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/21 03:02 PM
10

I love the post. I feel bad for saying that I hope I can be you. I'm only 11 months in. Simple divorce with a few assets to split and it seems like it takes forever. I haven't done all the reading I need to do on the subject, but I suspect that the playbook of all narc is to not sign anything and wait for the divorce corp system bleed all of my $ dry while hanging me with uncertainty.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/21 02:55 PM
23

More like happy wife miserable husband.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/21 01:37 AM
1

It's not over yet, so as a guy (who makes more $ than her, and prob more than the judge), I will be on the hook for more $
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/21 02:27 PM
1

Prospective fees are fees that will happen in the future. At the time her lawyer fees were about 10k. The Judge made me pay her lawyer 10k fees that have already been billed, and 11k fees for the future. The 11k fees are prospective.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/21 02:20 PM
9

That's what happened to me, then she called me her roommate, and proceeded to have other guys dicks land inside her
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/21 12:45 AM
3

I was judged to pay over 20k in her lawyer fees ( including prospective fees) because she decided that she can't work.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/21 09:28 PM
6

I think a commonality that we have is we see the red flag and just deal with it. When we see a red flag, we need to stop and confront it. My (who the f knows how long it will take) STBX once casually mentioned "if we ever get divorced, I'll ask for money". This was one of the hundreds, literally hundreds of red flags I just shrugged off.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/21 09:26 PM
1

This happened while we were married a few years ago. If you don't pay back a 401k loan you pay taxes. If it is a distribution, you pay it back at a small interest rate with no taxes.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/21 05:19 PM
6

You'd never think to ask on the first date all of these things but they are all important. Great messages guys.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/21 04:22 PM
1

The STBX took out a 401k loan from her account and didn't tell me about it until I had to pay taxes on it. I never knew she did because I never saw a dollar of it.. She just decided she didn't want to work and she wouldn't pay it back so I was left for the Bill. Since it was taken out before I filed, it's all fair game and I loose half the amount she took out.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/21 04:16 PM
3

Thanks, I am doing all of those things and more. I am happier than I've been (beside the payments) in a very long time
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/21 04:27 PM
4

Things that make you go hmmmmm? 🤔. I wonder if these relationships mentioned in Divorce corp between lawyers and judges exist. Conflict of interest anyone? Can you imagine someone saying "when I grow up, I don't want to work, I just want to sit at home and collect someone else's money tax free" and say "I am being rewarded for 10 years of marriage".
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/21 11:31 AM
3

There's a statutory end date of 4 years, but after 11 months, this hasn't been figured out. It took 10 months for the court just to do discovery and figure out that amount. They don't care that I started making $ 2 years ago. When the marriage started 10 years ago, we were both poor AF.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/21 07:17 AM
2

That's an understatement. She can afford that and more. She is just prolonging everything to get free Healthcare and the mentioned utilities IMO. I didn't mention that I get to pay her lawyers fees also. (Prospective fees included), 21k. We're not even half way through the process. No assets have been split. Of course any wealth and assets were due to my work, not hers. I have yet to say a single word to a judge.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/21 06:04 AM
2

Mine was denied SS ( see my above post). The Judge saw that in her paperwork and sided with her. I also cannot believe how helpless she is. (See above post for $amount), and she didn't know how she was going to get the lawn mowed.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/21 05:42 AM
9

Pufffft, try $5200 usd for ZERO kids. That plus what she gets from the government and I am still required to pay her phone bill, car insurance, and car payment until the divorce is finalized rounds down to US $6000 a month. No she doesn't work either. I take home 20% of my gross income. Thanks to Trump, and his "tax cut" of 2017, none of this can be written off on taxes, and she pays $0 of tax out of that support. ( I know, that could go on another sub reddit) Mine spent most of her $ when she w…
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/21 05:28 AM
3

I did as well. I listened to family and friends instead of myself. I didn't want to feel guilty for not at least trying. (1% of my thoughts) I was afraid that her emotional cheating (pictures and texts) would turn into physical cheating. This unfortunately dragged my facade of a marriage on for another 5 years. I was also told by the soon to be x that it was "the easy way out if I just left". Had I listened to myself, o could have saved $5k a month payment. (USD) Her adultery was turned into a "…
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/21 07:05 PM
5

I will second it’s a waste of time and money, of course that I paid for 100% of it. I did solo, couples and group. The other party was doing it to check a box to say that they tried and they won’t exhibit the bad behavior again. She behaved for a year or 2 and the bad behavior turned worse. She ended up tripping and falling on other guys dicks.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/21 04:21 PM
2

Not sure. In my opinion the court is enabling her to be a non productive member of society for the next number of years.. This is truly not fair and equitable. Thanks to tRUmp, I can't even write off the $ she gets, and she will pay no tax on it. She is incentived not to even look for a job. Thanks for that "tax break".
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/21 07:30 PM
1

I had a Court order against me to file taxes in such a way that the greatest return would be given. Have a court order drawn up to file. You will need the input of the court and your stbx. It may cost $, but you won't be accused of filing your taxes Incorrectly or in a way that can be used against you later
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/21 03:49 PM
5

Walking, reading, music, podcasts, friends, family and knowing that I will be better off and I took the high road, no drugs or alcohol, just alot of walking
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/21 11:28 PM
1

And a bit over 20k for her lawyer fees. Seems legit
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/21 09:22 PM
3

IL. I had mentioned in a previous post the this judgement against me was made with $0 income imputed to her. Meaning that she earms nothing and can never work again. Also this judgement was made without a judge seeing any type of evidence to back that up. I have been mostly poor throughout the facade marriage, but in the last 2 years I entered into 6 figures. At the same time, she decided she can't work any more. In other words, the timing was perfect for her to screw me out of the income I've w…
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/21 06:20 PM
2

Don’t feel like a (insert negative words here). You can’t feel guilty for being a human being. Men have been conditioned in our society for being macho, type A, be a “real man”, hide your feelings, etc. The truth of being human cannot be farther from that. You also have the right not to forgive, and not to ever forget.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/21 03:13 PM
8

Lawyers (liars) always win. I was judged to pay over 5k a month for an indefinite time period. I wonder if I’ll ever get to say my first word to a judge. Watch divorce Corp. I live in a state where I can’t write off the money I give her and she pays no tax on it. I’m left with 20% of gross income and no kids. How’s that for fair and equitable?
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/21 01:39 PM
1

That's good to hear. Therapy may also work if you can find the right therapist. The only reason why I didn't go, was that I had moved out from my stbx back in 2012 - 2013, and I went to singles couples and group therapy with her. She seemed to learn things but then went back to her old ways about a year later. Therapy takes 2 people. I didn't learn much in therapy, but I thought it was good for her. It turns out she didn't learn anything. In the case where it's just you and she is out of the pic…
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/21 06:13 PM
2

That's not the answer. You have to find something that is for you. It may be your kids. I don't have any. It may be your family. Mine live far away. It may be phone calls to friends and or family. Maybe you don't have any true friends. You need to find something to make yourself a better person at the end of this. You will be very cynical, and rightfully so. You may feel hesitant to enter another relationship. What worked for me was walking. I walked about 70 to 80 miles a week minimum. If you d…
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/21 02:57 PM
3

I have been left with 34% of gross income before my 401k and 20% after 401 k deductions. I can't write off the $ I give her, and she won't pay taxes on her "income" (spousal support). No kids either. I'm getting robbed.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/21 02:28 PM
3

You will be taken for all of your money.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/21 11:16 AM
5

"Where are all the good men? They have been eaten up by the multi billion dollar industry of divorce court or are living miserably. It's good to hear a success story even if that is 1 to 3% of the time. The entitlement of divorcing women needs to stop. And for the "Christian conservative" or whatever other religious group people identify with, remember the actual values of the said religion. "Thou shall not covet thy neighbors....." There isn't a religion which condones cheating and treating you…
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/21 11:10 AM
1

Pm sent
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/21 11:04 AM
2

I don't think anything will come of it. She was just trying to make me feel guilty, like when she told me that she was pregnant after I left, like she told me she broke her leg after I left ( which she did by "falling off the couch), just like she told mutual friends that I'm not giving her any money or support ( just paying for your mortgage, student loan,, car,, and utilities), just like she told people she was getting food from a food pantry (not according to our joint account), just like she…
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/21 01:13 AM
3

Better every day I dont have to look at her
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/21 01:06 AM
1

I was accused (not in court yet) of emotional abuse because I knew what she had done and didn't tell her or move out. For 3 weeks.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/21 06:01 PM
5

I got the hair in the sink thing after shaving. I got there’s a dish (literally one plate or fork) in the sink, there’s a blade of grass on the carpet after I mowed the lawn, there is a wrinkle in the comforter, there’s a fingerprint on the stainless steel fridge or garbage can. And many more. These things have all wasted oxygen that other organisms could have used.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/21 04:16 PM
2

In my case, the STBX denied having an affair even though I had pictures and video that I took off of her phone. The cases above are much worse as you shouldn't have to be detained for false accusations. She then changed her story to I was raped and she has pictures to prove it. (Which were not on her phone). A Narcissist will use this to make the other party feel guilty. I'm aware that is a mental disorder and luckily I live in a no fault state. She didn't call the police or tell her family or m…
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/21 03:50 PM
6

Always trust your gut or 6th sense. I knew something was up but couldn't prove it - until I could. It was hard to see her texts when she was over protective of her phone - even taking it into the shower. Therapy is just like your marriage- it takes 2 willing parties. I went through it and paid for it all, and then things continued as they were before. She denied the affair, said all the texts were a joke. "I haven't been fu***ed that way in a long time". That was a joke... hmmm.. Then changed he…
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/21 08:30 PM
1

Everyone's free to wear sunscreen has great messages to it. Thanks
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/21 06:35 AM
3

Just my experiences: 10 months into a divorce. In a no fault marital state. I have a joint checking account no joint CC. I would agree: start your own account and disclose it to your lawyer. My discovery process went back 3 years. She had to be subpoenaed to provide her accounts since she can't cooperate with anything. +1 do not hide anything. I was accused of "dissappation" of over 40k. I had moved out of the marital house and had to get my own place since I didn't want to be in the house that …
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/21 06:27 AM
1

Curious, what is your situation with your and her work/ kids, assets, etc and how did it take 2.5 years?
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/21 06:43 AM
1

I like the lyrics of Eminem’s “Guilty Conscience” (Explicit Version), “Wait! What if there’s an explanation for this shit!? What? She tripped? Fell? Landed on his dick?”
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/21 06:41 PM
5

Reminds me of the time she took off her wedding ring and I found it in a kitchen drawer when getting the bottle opener to open a beer after being on the road for work. Excuse - I was cleaning my ring and forgot it in the drawer. In the same drawer was her Nuva ring. (Birth control). Excuse - I was experimenting with it to see if it would last longer.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/21 08:25 AM
4

I don't have any kids, so this "simple divorce" should be quick.. Well that's what I was thinking 10 months ago. Just have to figure out spousal support - which I call child support - split the house, her debt, and get my name off her car.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/21 06:26 AM
24

When I bought her a new phone and left her old one at home. She drank to the point of pancreatitis, so I had a week to look through it while she was in the hospital. Divorce pending. I’ll be writing a long story after it is over to warn others.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/21 02:35 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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